Santa's Helpers are lies!

[Lerky]

Santa doesn't have elf helpers as the media has so often portrayed them. These "helpers" cannot be elves for a number of reasons:
Elves are a few inches off a human, not to their waistline. Elves are disciplined folks, not exactly care-free and willy nilly
Elves are not the best of crafters.knowing that these helpers aren't elves what in the world are they? I personally think gnomes for the following reasons:
Gnomes are short. Much like Santa's helpers
Gnomes are jolly ol' folk. Always curious and playful
they love to build and invent things, such as toys for the kids around the world.
do you feel the realization dawning on you yet?:smalltongue:

[Castaras]

knowing that these helpers aren't elves what in the world are they? I personally think gnomes for the following reasons:
Gnomes are short. Much like Santa's helpers
Gnomes are jolly ol' folk. Always curious and playful
they love to build and invent things, such as toys for the kids around the world.
do you feel the realization dawning on you yet?:smalltongue:


Gnomes and Santa's little helpers alike are both made to be killed/punted whenever possible, and are a blight on Humanity.


Yup, I agree with you! :smallbiggrin:

[detrevnisisiht]

...............My GOD!!!

[An Enemy Spy]

Lies! All lies! I sold those elves to Santa myself, and I do not cheat people.

[Warpfire]

Gnomes and Santa's little helpers alike are both made to be killed/punted whenever possible, and are a blight on Humanity.


Yup, I agree with you! :smallbiggrin:

Wait, so how are they different from elves? :smallconfused:

[Coidzor]

Real elves are raped by our women to create half-elves, having no desire for our women themselves? Sort of like Sephiroth I always thought, only not as pretentious, though they try.

I dunno, I've never really understood short elves. I always thought Tolkiens' were the influence on DND and Tolkiens' elves I always thought were Man-height or better.

Or why dwarves are scottish when most scots I know are lanky buggers due to the mixing of celtic and scandanavian stock.

I've actually pointed out that Santa's "elves" are actually gnomes... Then again, in DND terms, gnomes are like elven-halflings that can get along with dwarves and elves and are possibly the reason why the dwarves never decided to screw it and kill the lot of 'em.

[Castaras]

@warpfire - Did I say they were different from elves?

[Milanius]

Lies! All lies! I sold those elves to Santa myself, and I do not cheat people.I can agree with this... they were probably discount elves, pre-shrunk, 4.99$ per elf. :smallyuk:

[strawberryman]

Gnomes and Santa's little helpers alike are both made to be killed/punted whenever possible, and are a blight on Humanity.


Yup, I agree with you! :smallbiggrin:

They taste good with mayo, too.

[Deepblue706]

Wait, so how are they different from elves? :smallconfused:

Elves are less of a blight, due to a decreased population. Just about all of their males are homosexual, and therefore they do not reproduce often.

Gnomes, however, breed like rabbits.

[Dallas-Dakota]

4E is right, gnomes are monsters, ..... thoug not really though.

[Warpfire]

@warpfire - Did I say they were different from elves?

Mostly I was just looking for an excuse to express my elf-hatred.

[Lerky]

Mostly I was just looking for an excuse to express my elf-hatred.

than I must recomended this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVwYKtgFYCc)as your theme song:smalltongue:

[T-O-E]

They're clearly a sub-species of elf, like drow or moon-elves.

[KindaChang]

I've found the source of your confusion. You are discussing Elves (Fae aelf tolkeinsis while Santa is employing Elfs (Fae aelf niveus)

While aelf tolkeinsis and aelf niveus are both subspecies of the Common European Elf, Fae aelf, they are distinctly different in climate and behavior. Different as well is the Shakespearean Elf, Fae aelf shakespearius which is far more mischevious than the regal Common Elf.

In general Fae aelf are wise and noble creatures, Fae aelf tolkeinsis displays the most varied behavior, Fae aelf niveus are very industrious (and work on the cheap) and Fae aelf shakespearius find great glee in frustrating humans. (Homo sapiens)

[Moff Chumley]

I've found the source of your confusion. You are discussing Elves (Fae aelf tolkeinsis while Santa is employing Elfs (Fae aelf niveus)

While aelf tolkeinsis and aelf niveus are both subspecies of the Common European Elf, Fae aelf, they are distinctly different in climate and behavior. Different as well is the Shakespearean Elf, Fae aelf shakespearius which is far more mischevious than the regal Common Elf.

In general Fae aelf are wise and noble creatures, Fae aelf tolkeinsis displays the most varied behavior, Fae aelf niveus are very industrious (and work on the cheap) and Fae aelf shakespearius find great glee in frustrating humans. (Homo sapiens)

Thread has been won.

[Mr. Moon]

Gnomes and Santa's little helpers alike are both made to be killed/punted whenever possible, and are a blight on Humanity.


Yup, I agree with you! :smallbiggrin:

Dammit Cassie! Gnomes are friends, NOT fire starters! :smallmad:

:smalltongue:

And, with my IRL party... this seems to have become my mantra. :smallsigh:

[Athaniar]

No, you have all got it wrong. The real truth is as follows:

Santa's Helpers are actually Tolkien/D&D-style elves, who have deceived the public into thinking they are gnomes. These elves are all level 20 Tinkers, with lots of crafting feats and max ranks in different Craft skills. In addition to this, they control all the world's governments, and controls them into making the populations believe that D&D and other "fantasy" is imagination. There, I have revealed the truth, and I am not afraid of being silenc... *muffled screams*

Lord Xavius is disconnected

[Haruki-kun]

Santa doesn't have elf helpers as the media has so often portrayed them. These "helpers" cannot be elves for a number of reasons:
Elves are a few inches off a human, not to their waistline. Elves are disciplined folks, not exactly care-free and willy nilly
Elves are not the best of crafters.knowing that these helpers aren't elves what in the world are they? I personally think gnomes for the following reasons:
Gnomes are short. Much like Santa's helpers
Gnomes are jolly ol' folk. Always curious and playful
they love to build and invent things, such as toys for the kids around the world.
do you feel the realization dawning on you yet?:smalltongue:

Hmm.... well, in Spanish, the word we use is "duende", which is more of a Goblin or a Gnome... We don't actually use the word for Elf.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

Santa doesn't have elf helpers as the media has so often portrayed them. These "helpers" cannot be elves for a number of reasons:
Elves are a few inches off a human, not to their waistline. Elves are disciplined folks, not exactly care-free and willy nilly
Elves are not the best of crafters.knowing that these helpers aren't elves what in the world are they? I personally think gnomes for the following reasons:
Gnomes are short. Much like Santa's helpers
Gnomes are jolly ol' folk. Always curious and playful
they love to build and invent things, such as toys for the kids around the world.
do you feel the realization dawning on you yet?:smalltongue:

You know what? Wizards of the Coast agrees with you!

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20011222x

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20021225x

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20021225x&page=2

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20021225x&page=3

[Athaniar]

You know what? Wizards of the Coast agrees with you!

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20011222x

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20021225x

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20021225x&page=2

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20021225x&page=3

That is obviously a result of the elven control and deception. They don't want you to know it's them, so they say it's the gnomes.

[Jølly]

Poor missing orphans...I know the truth of your fates...

[Renegade Paladin]

Santa doesn't have elf helpers as the media has so often portrayed them. These "helpers" cannot be elves for a number of reasons:
Elves are a few inches off a human, not to their waistline. Elves are disciplined folks, not exactly care-free and willy nilly
Elves are not the best of crafters.knowing that these helpers aren't elves what in the world are they? I personally think gnomes for the following reasons:
Gnomes are short. Much like Santa's helpers
Gnomes are jolly ol' folk. Always curious and playful
they love to build and invent things, such as toys for the kids around the world.
do you feel the realization dawning on you yet?:smalltongue:
Oh please, WotC made a downloadable module featuring Santa years ago, and they made 'em gnomes then. You're something like five years behind the curve. :smalltongue:

[Berserk Monk]

But, gnomes are two awesome to be enslaved by some jolly fat man. Besides, if you tried, this (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0353.html) would happen.

[Dragonrider]

I've found the source of your confusion. You are discussing Elves (Fae aelf tolkeinsis while Santa is employing Elfs (Fae aelf niveus)

While aelf tolkeinsis and aelf niveus are both subspecies of the Common European Elf, Fae aelf, they are distinctly different in climate and behavior. Different as well is the Shakespearean Elf, Fae aelf shakespearius which is far more mischevious than the regal Common Elf.

In general Fae aelf are wise and noble creatures, Fae aelf tolkeinsis displays the most varied behavior, Fae aelf niveus are very industrious (and work on the cheap) and Fae aelf shakespearius find great glee in frustrating humans. (Homo sapiens)

...

Methinks I love you :smallbiggrin:


Edit: Never mind. It cannot be - you spelled Tolkien wrong. :smallamused: