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zerombr
2008-12-29, 05:30 PM
Just an off-hand comment here. We've all heard about Jumplomancers and whatnot using Exemplar to convert people to your cause...but what about something as simple as Craft:Cooking?

"Ma'am, I've got to say, that was the best soup I've ever had in my life...*burp* Me and my men have decided that for now till forever, we are your men, the Army of the Silver Ladle! What are your orders?"

kamikasei
2008-12-29, 05:34 PM
Use Hide.

"I don't think there's anyone there, but I'd follow that no one to the ends of the earth!"

Zenos
2008-12-29, 05:34 PM
Too much logic. :smalltongue::smalltongue:

What about swim?"Hey, that guy is swimming so good he is practically standing on the water, let us be fanatical followers of him.

Neithan
2008-12-29, 05:52 PM
We all know that Perform (performace) works spectaculary.

"I really like his performance, I'll completely focus my whole life on him."

Zenos
2008-12-29, 05:54 PM
Perform (kama sutra) certainly works. Atleast if he/she is of the appropriate preference.

What about using UMD for diplomacy?

MisterSaturnine
2008-12-29, 05:55 PM
I tried to think of something better than Hide, but I think kamikasei wins.

Listen would be entertaining, though. Everyone likes a good listener. :smallwink:

Neithan
2008-12-29, 05:56 PM
UMD: "It's not just the size of the wand, but how you swing it."

Severus
2008-12-29, 05:59 PM
We all know that Perform (performace) works spectaculary.

"I really like his performance, I'll completely focus my whole life on him."

I think you meant to say:

"OMIGOD! he's so dreamy, I'm going to become his number one stalker, I mean fan!"

Zenos
2008-12-29, 06:02 PM
Concentration check. "He is staring at me so intensely, he must really love me, so I'll follow him to hell if need be!"

What would move silence be? :smallconfused:

Efil
2008-12-29, 06:06 PM
How about appraise?

Zenos
2008-12-29, 06:07 PM
"He just seem to KNOW what I'm worth, I am SOOO following him". :smallwink:

Arbitrarity
2008-12-29, 06:10 PM
Best mime ever.

Martial Lore. Forgery (wait, I can see that). Profession(farmer). Handle Animal.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2008-12-29, 06:12 PM
My favorite?

Profession: Maid

"See her? Look how amazing she is at cleaning that house! Who better to lead our army on it's path to righteous glory?"

TheCountAlucard
2008-12-29, 06:17 PM
There's Climb - "I've NEVER seen a man get up a tree that fast! Surely this must be a sign that we should follow him into battle!"

kamikasei
2008-12-29, 06:20 PM
If you're actually doing something visibly impressive, however unrelated to leading a vast movement, it's too understandable to be truly funny.

Autohypnosis?
Decipher Script?
Sense Motive?

"I feel he looked in to my very soul... and memorized its contents, even though they were written in a language none now speak. We were poking him with needles at the time, but he heeded it not!"

Mike_G
2008-12-29, 06:27 PM
Too much logic. :smalltongue::smalltongue:

What about swim?"Hey, that guy is swimming so good he is practically standing on the water, let us be fanatical followers of him.

Hasn't the "walking on water" thing worked for the past 2000 years?

Inyssius Tor
2008-12-29, 06:31 PM
Use Rope?

"He who unties the Elukian Knot will become king of all Aventus!"

EDIT: wait, can Use Rope do that?

Mark Hall
2008-12-29, 07:02 PM
Use Rope?

"He who unties the Elukian Knot will become king of all Aventus!"

EDIT: wait, can Use Rope do that?

Nah, that's WP: Sword. ;-)

Zenos
2008-12-29, 07:11 PM
Hasn't the "walking on water" thing worked for the past 2000 years?

I was waiting for someone to say that. *Gives interwebz and doesn't say it is stolen*

SoD
2008-12-29, 07:12 PM
Sleight of Hand.

"Where's your wallet?"
"It's in my pock-hey! Where'd it go?"
"I stole it from you."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Wha?"

Listen.

"I can hear you."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Huh?"

Knowlege (Local)

"Hey, how's the bartender here? Jake, wasn't it?"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"...right."

Intimidate.

"Hey, I was wond-"
"AHH! YOU'RE SCARY!"
"Hey, you don't need to shout!
"BUT I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Oh."

Knowlege (Arcana)

"He just cast mage armour."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Disguise.

"Hey Bob."
"Hey Jane."
"Ha! Fooled you! I'm not Jane, I'm actually Trevor!"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Bluff.

"You absolutely hate me and would do anything in the world to hurt me, because I murdered your entire family."
"That's right! How dare you come back here after something like that!"
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Zenos
2008-12-29, 07:15 PM
Sleight of Hand.

"Where's your wallet?"
"It's in my pock-hey! Where'd it go?"
"I stole it from you."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Wha?"

Listen.

"I can hear you."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Huh?"

Knowlege (Local)

"Hey, how's the bartender here? Jake, wasn't it?"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"...right."

Intimidate.

"Hey, I was wond-"
"AHH! YOU'RE SCARY!"
"Hey, you don't need to shout!
"BUT I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Oh."

Knowlege (Arcana)

"He just cast mage armour."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Disguise.

"Hey Bob."
"Hey Jane."
"Ha! Fooled you! I'm not Jane, I'm actually Trevor!"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Bluff.

"You absolutely hate me and would do anything in the world to hurt me, because I murdered your entire family."
"That's right! How dare you come back here after something like that!"
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Win.
...
...
OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!

Efil
2008-12-29, 07:18 PM
Sleight of Hand.

"Where's your wallet?"
"It's in my pock-hey! Where'd it go?"
"I stole it from you."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Wha?"

Listen.

"I can hear you."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Huh?"

Knowlege (Local)

"Hey, how's the bartender here? Jake, wasn't it?"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"...right."

Intimidate.

"Hey, I was wond-"
"AHH! YOU'RE SCARY!"
"Hey, you don't need to shout!
"BUT I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Oh."

Knowlege (Arcana)

"He just cast mage armour."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Disguise.

"Hey Bob."
"Hey Jane."
"Ha! Fooled you! I'm not Jane, I'm actually Trevor!"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Bluff.

"You absolutely hate me and would do anything in the world to hurt me, because I murdered your entire family."
"That's right! How dare you come back here after something like that!"
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Knowledge (religion)

"Thou shalt not worship any other diety than Pelor"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

zerombr
2008-12-29, 07:27 PM
Knowledge (religion)

"Thou shalt not worship any other diety than Pelor"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

*stooge-esque self-face smack*
"Ok, you're missing the point entirely..."
"YES MY LIEGE!"
"Wait, you just said I was your god..."
"YES MY GOD-LIEGE!"
*sigh*

how about

Know:Nobility

"So you see, I'm a 15th generation descendant of the Sun Emperor, spawn of Pelor himself..."
...
...
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Yeah, that's what I was getting at..."

Vexxation
2008-12-29, 07:27 PM
Move Silently

"That man snuck up on my heart..."

Mushroom Ninja
2008-12-29, 07:28 PM
If you were playing with 3.0 skills, Innuendo would be an especially hilarious option:

" Know what-ah-mean, know what-ah-mean, nudge nudge, wink wink, know what-ah-mean, say no more?"

"..."

"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

newbDM
2008-12-29, 07:36 PM
Just an off-hand comment here. We've all heard about Jumplomancers and whatnot using Exemplar to convert people to your cause...but what about something as simple as Craft:Cooking?

"Ma'am, I've got to say, that was the best soup I've ever had in my life...*burp* Me and my men have decided that for now till forever, we are your men, the Army of the Silver Ladle! What are your orders?"

Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt the thread, but what is a Jumplomancer and Exemplar?

I am very confused, and very interested about all this.

Mushroom Ninja
2008-12-29, 07:39 PM
Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt the thread, but what is a Jumplomancer and Exemplar?

I am very confused, and very interested about all this.

Exemplars eventually get the ability to use other skills in the place of Diplomacy checks. Hilarity ensues.

Kantur
2008-12-29, 07:39 PM
http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?t=943738

Google result 1 for 'Jumplomancer'

Eldariel
2008-12-29, 07:41 PM
Jump is by far the easiest skill to boost because speed bonuses boost the skill check. Exemplar is a prestige class in Complete Adventurer that gets tons of skill-related bonuses. On level 4, it gains the ability to choose a skill, and use that skill effectively as Diplomacy. Therefore, Jumplomancer takes Exemplar-levels, chooses Jump as his skill of choice and boosts his Jump skyhigh, then makes an epic leap (DC120 Diplomacy-turned-Jump check) to mimic Diplomacy, which converts hostile characters to fanatic (willing to die for you). Doing it as a standard action is DC140. Thanks to speed bonuses, Jumplomancer does it with far less trouble than a standard Diplomancer (that just boosts its Diplomacy to epic degrees), and is hilarious while at it.

"OH MI GOD, YOU JUMP SO HIGH! I DEVOTE MY LIFE TO THEE, MASTER!"

Aneantir
2008-12-29, 07:43 PM
Listen.

"I can hear you."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Huh?"

I hear women love a good listener.

Aneantir
2008-12-29, 07:48 PM
Jump is by far the easiest skill to boost because speed bonuses boost the skill check. Exemplar is a prestige class in Complete Adventurer that gets tons of skill-related bonuses. On level 4, it gains the ability to choose a skill, and use that skill effectively as Diplomacy. Therefore, Jumplomancer takes Exemplar-levels, chooses Jump as his skill of choice and boosts his Jump skyhigh, then makes an epic leap (DC120 Diplomacy-turned-Jump check) to mimic Diplomacy, which converts hostile characters to fanatic (willing to die for you). Doing it as a standard action is DC140. Thanks to speed bonuses, Jumplomancer does it with far less trouble than a standard Diplomancer (that just boosts its Diplomacy to epic degrees), and is hilarious while at it.

"OH MI GOD, YOU JUMP SO HIGH! I DEVOTE MY LIFE TO THEE, MASTER!"

Fun fact: The Juplomancer never actually worked. They were basing it off of speed while running, and not their current speed by which the jump modifier is actually decided.

Not to mention that in order to use it as an act of Diplomacy you've got to stay within a fairly short range of the target and perform the action for a specific period of time.

horseboy
2008-12-29, 08:21 PM
"I an't never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!"

MammonAzrael
2008-12-29, 08:45 PM
Profession (Motivational Speaker)

"I am 35 years old, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river!"
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Well you'll have plenty of time to worship me when you're living in a van down by the river!"

dspeyer
2008-12-29, 09:01 PM
What about swim?"Hey, that guy is swimming so good he is practically standing on the water, let us be fanatical followers of him.

If Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger can ascend to high office, why not Michael Phelps? He has at least as much hero-worship at the moment.

newbDM
2008-12-29, 09:12 PM
Exemplars eventually get the ability to use other skills in the place of Diplomacy checks. Hilarity ensues.


http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?t=943738

Google result 1 for 'Jumplomancer'


I...I...:smalleek:


...
......
.........


http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f173/celestialkin/51f8ce92.jpg

Mushroom Ninja
2008-12-29, 10:52 PM
Yes, that's basically it! :smallbiggrin:

Mark Hall
2008-12-29, 10:55 PM
According to the thread about Professions, you can apparently use Profession (Unemployed Douche Bag). ;-)

Malacode
2008-12-29, 11:44 PM
Wow, he's so lazy I have an urge to follow him to the ends of the earth?

Either that or he's Buddha. The guy sat under a tree for HOW many years?

ericgrau
2008-12-30, 12:11 AM
Fun fact: The Juplomancer never actually worked. They were basing it off of speed while running, and not their current speed by which the jump modifier is actually decided.

Not to mention that in order to use it as an act of Diplomacy you've got to stay within a fairly short range of the target and perform the action for a specific period of time.

You can still boost jump pretty darn high though. Much higher than other skills, anyway. The jump spell (or potion) and ring of jumping are two different bonus types, so they stack. There's +45. A level of barb, aranea as race (50' base speed) and boots of speed (or a source of expeditious retreat or haste) adds +20 from speed. Tumble adds +2. You also get 3 + level + strength. Feats add +9 (skill focus, athletic, run). We're at 79 + level + strength so far. In core.

Oh, and the I'd like to see the exemplar use:
use rope
(simulates an animate rope spell)
Onlookers: "We will serve you until the day we die!"

Hal
2008-12-30, 12:16 AM
Sleight of Hand:
"Gee, why do you have silver pieces . . . behind your ear?"
"*Gasp*! My life for you, my liege!"

maniakmastah
2008-12-30, 12:28 AM
What about Intimidate. Intimidate gets no epic usage my butt!!!


As you see the massive throng of hundreds screeching goblins rushing at you, you let out a savage war cry that booms across the battlefield

"WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!"

Suddenly, the nearly thousand strong horde of goblins all drop their weapons and run to the mountains in sheer terror, some even dropping to the ground and groveling before you, speaking in broken Common "NO KILL US!! WE NOT WORTHY!! WE NOT WORTHY!! WE NOT WORTHY!! WE SUCK!!! WE BOW TO YOU!! YOU MASTER!!"

kamikasei
2008-12-30, 01:25 AM
According to the thread about Professions, you can apparently use Profession (Unemployed Douche Bag). ;-)

That guy really tied the empire together.

Fishy
2008-12-30, 01:32 AM
Forgery!

"It says, 'This man is my one true prophet and you will follow him blindly, kthx. Love, Grummush'."

Truenameing!

"His... Good Gods, man, his Diction!"

newbDM
2008-12-30, 01:46 AM
Forgery!

"It says, 'This man is my one true prophet and you will follow him blindly, kthx. Love, Grummush'."


Dude, that gives me a perfect idea for Bluff:

"I am a god!"

Mr. Zook
2008-12-30, 01:51 AM
Quote:

Originally Posted by Neithan
We all know that Perform (performace) works spectaculary.

"I really like his performance, I'll completely focus my whole life on him."
Hey, don't make fun of that. Its been done before and will be done again.
I agree with the bluff idea.
"I have seen the light and you shall worship me as if I were a god!"

newbDM
2008-12-30, 01:55 AM
Yes, that's basically it! :smallbiggrin:

LoL. Did you just realize who the iconic character for the Jumpomancer was? :smallbiggrin:

Arcane_Snowman
2008-12-30, 02:06 AM
How about Profession (Mime), there's a reason why you should be suspecting them :smallwink:

RukiTanuki
2008-12-30, 07:25 PM
Any female with Knowledge(roleplaying games):

[random disclosure of gamer lore]
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Substitute Knowledge(video games) when on the Plane of Ecksbawkslyv.

(My better half laments.)

xanaphia
2008-12-30, 08:09 PM
What would search be?

Gather information

"You have a secret drinking problem."
"..."
"..."
"OMG I worship you!!!!"

Pie Guy
2008-12-30, 08:36 PM
Profession (metagaming)

"So, as you can see, with my combination of class and items, you have to worship me when I use a specific skill, such as Profession."
"That makes no sense at all."
"Do you have an inclination to worship me?"
"...Yes..."
"Good"
"I hate you so much."

xanaphia
2008-12-30, 08:44 PM
Speak Language:

"By the gods! He can talk.!

JMobius
2008-12-30, 09:20 PM
To quote a friend on a Spotlomancer:

"I found Waldo."
"HE FOUND WALDO!!!!"

SoD
2008-12-30, 09:38 PM
To quote a friend on a Spotlomancer:

"I found Waldo."
"HE FOUND WALDO!!!!"

Wally. :smallannoyed:

But back on topic, using 3e skill; Iajutsu Focus.

*crack*
*thud*
Everyone else; "OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

Or back to 3.5; autohypnosis (the way it should've worked...)

"I am getting very sleepy."
"..."
"zzz."
"..."
"zzz."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"zzz."
"..."
"zzz."
"...how do we wake him up?"

Collin152
2008-12-30, 10:33 PM
Disable Device; break the Ice, break mental barriers, and then break their will!

Vexxation
2008-12-30, 10:42 PM
Wally. :smallannoyed:

What?
...huh... Google and Wiki reveal interesting things about Waldo... er, Wally.

Anyhoo.

What the Universe's Sense Motive check?
Bluff:
Bard: "I have complete control over the very fabric of reality!"
Entire Universe: "Ooooooh...."

chiasaur11
2008-12-30, 10:53 PM
I still like the disguise one from the original thread.

I think it went:

"Hey, have you noticed how Bob-like Bob is today?"

"Yes, he is more Bob-like than ever before."

"Bob is so much like himself, I would follow him to the ends of the Earth."

"Funny, that's exactly what I was thinking."

Ravens_cry
2008-12-30, 11:05 PM
What?
...huh... Google and Wiki reveal interesting things about Waldo... er, Wally.

Anyhoo.

What the Universe's Sense Motive check?
Bluff:
Bard: "I have complete control over the very fabric of reality!"
Entire Universe: "Ooooooh...."
That's how magic works in a story I am working on. Basically, your bull****ting the cosmos.

newbDM
2008-12-30, 11:12 PM
That's how magic works in a story I am working on. Basically, your bull****ting the cosmos.

This intrigues me on multiple levels. Can you go into more detail?

Ravens_cry
2008-12-31, 01:54 AM
This intrigues me on multiple levels. Can you go into more detail?
Well, the basic idea is that reality is deformable by many natural forces, such as gravity, and will and belief.
Religion has long being associated with magic, because it allows the collectivization of will, the priest both weaving these threads, and him also adding his own, like an orchestra where the conductor also plays, weaving a new form to reality. The lone wizard weaves his own thread, telling the universe how it will act. But the best lies are ones you believe yourself. All the esoteric training, is not so much training as conditioning, magnifying your will, so that when you make the symbol, be it nonsense words, meaningless diagrams etched on the ground, or different liquids and tinctures mixed together, it, will , work. The sorcerer comes into this power on his own, his arrogance, his audacity is so strong, he wills the universe to bend to his will, as he has bent others to his will, by sheer force of personality. He may be a mad man, or that ultimate con artist, but the World heeds him.
This is not all magic though, that's just the most intense example.
Intense rhetoric that sways the heart and the mind, the inventor creating something never has before existed, 'bending iron around a dream', the artist taking clay or paint or stone to create his work, this too is a bending, a shaping, and the world becomes a different place because of it.
***
Their that's the basics, what's ya think?

Inyssius Tor
2008-12-31, 02:03 AM
I still like the disguise one from the original thread.

I think it went:

"Hey, have you noticed how Pelor-like Pelor is today?"

"Yes, He is more Pelor-like than ever before."

"Pelor is so much like Himself, I would follow Him to the ends of the Earth."

"Funny, that's exactly what I was thinking."

Fixed that for you! :smallbiggrin:

ShadowFighter15
2008-12-31, 02:43 AM
You could probably get a bit of comedy out of Profession (Idiocy) (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jNBNqUdqm1E).

"Ramble ramble oggly oogly aagly oog!"
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Grangle brangle arg-arg-arg breeee!" *falls off the wall*

Arcane_Snowman
2008-12-31, 06:45 AM
You could probably get a bit of comedy out of Profession (Idiocy) (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jNBNqUdqm1E).

"Ramble ramble oggly oogly aagly oog!"
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Grangle brangle arg-arg-arg breeee!" *falls off the wall*
"THE LORD HAS SHOWN US THE WAY!" *jumps after the rambling idiot*

Mark Hall
2008-12-31, 12:04 PM
"THE LORD HAS SHOWN US THE WAY!" *jumps after the rambling idiot*

"IGNORE THE GOURD! FOLLOW THE SHOE!"

Telonius
2008-12-31, 12:24 PM
Survival.

::checks pulse:: "He's ... he's alive!"
:smallconfused: "Of course I am."
"Our new glorious leader!"

MeatShield#236
2008-12-31, 12:34 PM
Profession: Dirt farmer

'farms dirt'
"OMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"...What?"

newbDM
2008-12-31, 12:39 PM
Survival.

::checks pulse:: "He's ... he's alive!"
:smallconfused: "Of course I am."
"Our new glorious leader!"

Does survival work like that?!


I was thinking more on the following lines myself:

*Druid/Ranger comes out of woods into a small village after a long day of foraging*

*Villagers come out to greet this stranger*

Druid/Ranger: "So, who wants some of this http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f173/celestialkin/27a256f0.gif I just found?"

Villagers: "OHMYGOD! WE WORSHIP YOU!"

Quietus
2008-12-31, 12:42 PM
Does survival work like that?!


I was thinking more on the following lines myself:

*Druid/Ranger comes out of woods into a small village after a long day of foraging*

*Villagers come out to greet this stranger*

Druid/Ranger: "So, who wants some of this http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f173/celestialkin/27a256f0.gif I just found?"

Villagers: "OHMYGOD! WE WORSHIP YOU!"


Laziest. Followers. Ever.

Then again, they'll never revolt.

Mushroom Ninja
2008-12-31, 12:52 PM
Profession: Dirt farmer

'farms dirt'
"OMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"...What?"
:smallbiggrin:

Now all I can think of is Tropic Thunder!

Profession (Lead Farmer):

"I'm a lead farmer motha*****!"

"OMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"

newbDM
2008-12-31, 01:00 PM
Laziest. Followers. Ever.

Then again, they'll never revolt.


http://forums.gleemax.com/images/smilies/roflmao.gif

Mike_G
2008-12-31, 02:12 PM
"IGNORE THE GOURD! FOLLOW THE SHOE!"


Kudos on the Life of Brian reference.

Mercenary Pen
2008-12-31, 03:03 PM
Okay, try leading people with the following:

Profession (Henchperson), Perform (Bad Stand-up Comedy), Craft (Excuses), Knowledge (Useless Trivia).

Flickerdart
2008-12-31, 03:10 PM
Knowledge (Useless Trivia).
I see you're not familiar with Anatoly Wasserman. He's the Chuck Norris of Russian internet culture based pretty much on this.

Mark Hall
2008-12-31, 03:28 PM
Craft (Disturbing Mental Image)

"Wow, that's more ****ed up than the time I got a ****** stuck to my ***** during ****."
<blink><blink>
"WE WORSHIP YOU!"

MisterSaturnine
2008-12-31, 04:31 PM
Control Shape.

"I'm not a werewolf."
"Have my children."

zerombr
2008-12-31, 04:38 PM
Control Shape.

"I'm not a werewolf."
"Have my children."

...ROFL I'd love to sig that if i could capture the essence of this thread into a sig

Tola
2009-01-01, 06:33 AM
Listen.

"I can hear you."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"Huh?"

...Part of me can see it:

"I...can't explain it really. I mean, the boss ordered me to kill the guy. I found him easy enough-didn't mask his trail, 'cause he didn't think he'd be followed. He was just sitting there in one of those fancy-pants 'meditating' poses that always leave you thinking the guy's asleep. I sneak up on him, and just as I'm about to strike, he comes out and says;

"Would you like to talk about this?"

And...and I do. He just seemed so earnest. I was intending to give him a little bluster, try and scare him a bit, but....hs ears are like some sort of void, and I poured everything I was into him. I just talked and talked and talked. Told him everything about me, from the nicest parts down to the dirtiest, most vile thoughts I ever had. And all the time he had this peaceful look on his face, going 'Yes' and 'Hmm' and 'Continue' and 'Tell me more' and things like that. Never pushing for details, but I gave him them anyway.

Three straight says we sat and talked like that. He accepted me. All of me. And sometimes helped me see things in a new light, a more positive light. And at the end, he comes out and says 'I'm glad we talked, friend', claps his hand on my shoulder, and walks off.

Anyone who can be so accepting is either a darn fool or a God come to earth. So I follow him, now, this guy. Have done for years now. He's got quite a following these days, from all walks of life, all races-even the worst of monsters. Some people swear there's Celestials, Demons, and Devils amoung us. We're just wandering, playing peacemaker and investigating dungeons wherever we roam. No conflict-whenever there's a flare-up, he's there, listening, and the argument all funnels to him, and they empty themselves of it the same way I did. Some say he's taken a Blasphemy point-blank, and just sucked it all up into those ears of his without a sound. Drove the creature to tears, cause it's never happened before. He's probably got enough combined dirt on people that he could rule anywhere he chose if he wanted. We're not sure where we're going, what we're planning, but we're sure he's got the answers. He always has before."

Rache Delitt, Halfing Rogue/Shadowdancer, year 34 BR

Chineselegolas
2009-01-01, 07:45 AM
...Snip...

Awesome. Pure awesome.

Pie Guy
2009-01-01, 09:11 PM
Spot

"It looks like you're on fire."
"..."
"..."
"OHMYGOD I'm on fire!"

Soniku
2009-01-02, 11:23 PM
For something a little more on topic, I once ran a chef mage who as well as supporting the party with healing soup, smoke bomb muffins and suchlike was the diplomat of choice when halflings were involved and once re-routed the halfling nations supply lines to another force in a major war.

Proof that cooking can be used for more than just fluff!

Thrud
2009-01-02, 11:54 PM
Knowledge - (Cheesy pickup lines).

"Hey baby, somebody better call up *insert god of choice's name* because he's missing an ANGEL."

"..."

"..."

"OH MY GOD, I WORSHIP YOU!"

"Hah, I knew I could make that line work if I just had the right prestige class to back me up."

:smallbiggrin:

dyslexicfaser
2009-01-02, 11:58 PM
... Snip ...

That's... really good, actually.

...Despicable..
2009-01-03, 02:21 PM
Too bad diplomacy does not work on undead. If it did, Perform: (Dance) would be interesting.

Assassin89
2009-01-03, 03:03 PM
Too bad diplomacy does not work on undead. If it did, Perform: (Dance) would be interesting.

You mean this (http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=AtyJbIOZjS8) happens

newbDM
2009-01-03, 03:30 PM
Wouldn't that be more on the lines of Perform (choreograph)?

Also, isn't there a way to make Diplomacy work on undead? I know the munchincs on here must have a trick or two for this. :smallbiggrin:

Collin152
2009-01-03, 03:36 PM
Too bad diplomacy does not work on undead. If it did, Perform: (Dance) would be interesting.

Thought that was an instance of... Dirgesinger? Isn't it? Where Bardic music animates the dead?

Assassin89
2009-01-03, 03:51 PM
How about
profession(cheese salesman) (http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=B3KBuQHHKx0)

profession(lumberjack) (http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=5zey8567bcg&feature=related)

profession(pet shop owner) (http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218&feature=related)

Weezer
2009-01-03, 05:23 PM
Profession: Dirt farmer

'farms dirt'
"OMYGOD! I WORSHIP YOU!"
"...What?"

Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony mud farming

Yay Monty Python

Mike_G
2009-01-03, 05:49 PM
Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony mud farming

Yay Monty Python
Maybe it's his turn to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. Of course, all his decisions would have to be ratified at a biweekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...

Vexxation
2009-01-03, 05:51 PM
Maybe it's his turn to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. Of course, all his decisions would have to be ratified at a biweekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...

Um... if his decisions are ratified bi-weekly, and he's only in power for a week, I can't see as he'd get much done...
Oh bother...

Devils_Advocate
2009-01-05, 03:34 AM
Just an off-hand comment here. We've all heard about Jumplomancers and whatnot using Exemplar to convert people to your cause...but what about something as simple as Craft:Cooking?
I know that there's some point in Nodwick where they get the team of bloodthirsty mercenaries to take their side because Piffany makes such delicious cookies. Or something like that.

dyslexicfaser
2009-01-05, 03:59 AM
Wouldn't that be more on the lines of Perform (choreograph)?

Also, isn't there a way to make Diplomacy work on undead? I know the munchincs on here must have a trick or two for this. :smallbiggrin:

Don't know of a diplomacy, but bards can Fascinate/Suggestion undead if they take the Eberron feat Requiem.

Heliomance
2009-01-05, 04:44 AM
Too bad diplomacy does not work on undead. If it did, Perform: (Dance) would be interesting.

Pretty sure it does, just not mindless ones. Diplomacy works on anything you can communicate with.

Prak
2009-01-05, 06:44 AM
Thought that was an instance of... Dirgesinger? Isn't it? Where Bardic music animates the dead?

umm... I coulda sworn that diplomacy worked on the undead... it's not technically a mind-affecting effect...


I know that there's some point in Nodwick where they get the team of bloodthirsty mercenaries to take their side because Piffany makes such delicious cookies. Or something like that.
It was more than that. It was the cookies, the milk, and the fact that if they didn't fight for Nodwick and co's side... it'd make Piffany cry.

zerombr
2009-01-07, 07:06 PM
i forgot about that, yeah, Piffany is just about the perfect example of this concept. of course now due to that epic post about listening, I am tempted to pick one of these earlier suggestions and try to make it work...as an RP exercise.

shadow_archmagi
2009-01-07, 07:49 PM
Spot:

"Is that the Royal Crown there in that shrubbery?"
"MY LIEGE!"

Listen:
"Oh why hello there"
"Did you just say you worshipped me? I think I heard you say "I worship you""

Poil
2009-01-07, 07:52 PM
Would Perform (Zap Brannigan quoting) work, or is it too obvious or far fetched?

"You see Killgolems have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down."
"..."
"..."
"PLEASE ALLOW US TO BE YOUR MEN!"

Maybe Set Trap would work instead.

*snap*
"OH GODS THE PAIN! I MUST FIND THE PERSON WHO PLACED THIS BEAR TRAP IN MY UNDERPANTS DRAWER AND WORSHIP HIM/HER!"

Mushroom Ninja
2009-01-07, 08:03 PM
Profession (Mathematician):

"And so, if the function f is differentiable on an open interval I, the graph of f is concave up on I if f' is increasing on the interval and concave downward on I if f' is decreasing on the interval."

"..."

"SIRE, WE ARE YOURS TO COMMAND!"