Proto-comic in progress

[SilentDungeon]

Allright, this is the beginning of a webcomic being developed by me, and one of my close freinds. It makes fun of the mechanics in the 3.5 D&D universe. heh.

Anywhoo, respond with feedback, no matter how scathing and churlish.
(the drawn parts are coming soon)

With no further ado, i present you....

WEALTH-BY-LEVEL
a fantasy webcomic, (or the plot based begginnings of one)


Monk: A door? leave this to me guys, I've got EAGLES CLAW!


\Rogue: I've got Lockpicks


Wizard: I've got Knock.


Barbarian: I've Got an Adamantine Greataxe.


Bard: While you guys were talking, I convinced the goblins on the other side to open
the door for us.


Monk:...Do the goblins have a corner I can cry in?


Bard: Maybe, I'll ask, you see, I also got them to declare me their king.


Barbarian: I hate diplomacy.


* * *

Fighter: Hey guys! Guess what?

Party: (busy killing things) What?

Fighter: After spending many useless feat slots and lots of my time, I finally got Whirlwind attack!

Wizard: I’m sorry, what was that? I’m too busy doing the same thing for less cost, lower prerequisites, more damage, less fuss, and more skill than you.

Fighter: .....

Fighter: is their a corner I can crawl into?

Wizard: Yes, in fact, I just polymorphed any object (greater) the boss into one! Here you go!

Barbarian: I hate diplomacy

* * *

Party: (in broiling battle with some elementals)

Barbarian: These things are NOT a challenge appropriate encounter!

Bard: You said it! *bursts into flame*

Fighter: Since when were there LAVA elementals? Lava isn’t even an element!

Wizard: Oh don’t worry, I’ve all ready disintegrated all the lava elementals, and you were just fighting their astral projections, created by me. You’re all in no danger!

Bard: Then how’d I burst into flame?

Rouge: Wait a second, if wizards are all that powerful, how come they haven’t taken over the world yet?

Wizard: They haven’t?

Bard: *bursts into flame* AAAUGH! The burning pain!

Fighter: It only deals d6 damage per round, suck it up.

Barbarian: I hate diplomacy.

* * *

Fighter: All right guys, this is NPC Paladin, he’s here to help us on our most recent quest!

Rouge: Hey there!

NPC: .............

Fighter: he doesn’t talk much

Bard: does he have a name?

Fighter: uhhhh.......

Barbarian: let’s go with Bob.

Bob: ..............

Wizard: Fine by me.

Rouge: me too.

Bard: not me!((diplomacy check (change name)) (roll=4+3600000) (Attempt failed))
What?!? But I got a thirty-six thousand!

Wizard: Oh, it must be my anti-bard staff. It stops unwarranted diplomacy checks. It also can cause mild side affects to nearby bards.

Bard: What do you mean by side affe-*bursts into flame*

Bob: ...?

Barbarian: Yeah, I hate diplomacy too.


* * *


Rouge: Hey guys? Where’d the monk go? He was here a few episodes ago...the audience is getting worried...

Bard: Great job breaking the fourth wall.....

Barbarian: I don’t know where he went....

Rouge: What’s a fourth wall?

Fighter: No idea.

Wizard: Oh, that’s simple. He self-imploded once he realized that his class was utter suck and he was doomed to failure.

Bard: That sucks.

Wizard: Stop talking. Your voice hurts my ears.

Bard: *bursts into flame* GODDAMMIT! Happens every time!

Barbarian: I hate diplomacy.

Bob: ............

[SnowballMan]

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Simple conversation does not constitute diplomacy. Of the five scripts you have, only the first situation would qualify. Also, the line is way too forced. The best running gags show up at unpredictable times.

Explicitly stating the names of game mechanics has become awfully cliched. Do you really want to be writing a cliche? (I won't say this is a bad thing. I mean, I find it totally uninteresting but clearly there is a market for cliches. Just look at most Disney films.)

There is the additional matter of how unnatural the conversation sounds. Any given group of adventurers with even a little experience is not going to argue over who opens the door. They may discuss the best method of getting through a door if there is some special consideration, such as being in a hurry or trying to be stealthy. But by and large, you leave it to the party member who's skill set specifically trains them to open doors. (This of course assumes it was even locked in the first place. Did anyone bother trying the doorknob?)

Finally, I get no sense that there is any real characterization behind the characters. If the sixth comic showed a fireball TPK, then the only emotional reaction I would have would depend entirely on how cool the fireball is drawn. I have no reason to like any of these people. Or even hate them. At best they are mildly annoying. The rogues reference to the audience being worried about the Monk would imply that people remembered him in the first place. He only had two lines.

[SilentDungeon]

Fair enough. No, it wasn't very deep. No, it wasn't very complex. And no, i didn't make it very original. However, what you may find moderately boring, others may find slightly amusing. Thanks for your advice though.

The running gags were not my idea. HOWEVER, The whole point is to be sarcasti towards my point. Obviously, i didn't convey this well enough.
As I know, Its not the readers job to figure out what im trying to say.
So I'm to blame. Heh.

[idksocrates]

'fraid i have to agree with snowballman.

As soon as I read "It makes fun of the mechanics in the 3.5 D&D universe" i frowned slightly. There are abundant webcomics that are doing the exact same thing, have been doing it longer, and most likely better. The only real audience this comic would find would be the people I assume inspired the comic, and those that haven't already been exposed to Order of the Stick and Goblins and their ilk.

If that's all your out to accomplish, then go for it. Personally, I'd suggest trying to set the bar a bit higher.

[Sanjay]

I liked the dialogue. I thought the running gag worked okay. Of course the later cases weren't diplomacy, but basically the barbarian is so focused on how much he dislikes diplomacy that's how he interprets every situation. Though with a running gag like that it seems like you'd either have to stop doing it or evolve it and honestly I doubt there are that many things you can do with that line before it gets stale.

I also agree that there probably isn't a lot of potential in the "make fun of 3.5 mechanics" genre. I mean, it isn't even the latest edition any more. But I think you aren't terrible at writing comics, so I think you might be better served thinking about what other things you find funny in the world.

Personally, I got a lot of mileage out of jotting down any funny idea I had until I had some to use. I'm sure you think of funny things besides things about Dungeons and Dragons, right?

[Lissou]

I find it way too exaggerated. For instance, the first one was kinda funny until the bard was "made king by the goblins". That killed all the humour that could have been there due to him opening the door by convincing the goblins on the other side.
Of course, then, I don't understand why people keep wanting to cry into corners, either. And the "I hate diplomacy" was okay the first time, but made no sense afterwards.

Later on, the bard rolls for 3000 or something. That's also needlessly exaggerated, a natural 20 would be enough for the player to wonder what's going on.

Of course, there is also no plot. But if you just want to randomly make fun of DnD without a storyline, that's probably not such an issue. The lack of caracterisation is, however. That would be a great source of humour, knowing who the players are. Is there a minmaxer, a first-time player who keeps asking about the rules, a player who is trying to avoid metagaming, and so on?

Oh, and finally, the lack of art obviously doesn't help.