So, when has flavor text gotten you in trouble?

[Hzurr]

This is something I'm sure has happened to more people, and there's a surprisingly low number of "share your funny stories" threads right now (as opposed to 2 months ago, when there were 20 of them)

So, when has generic flavor text gotten you in trouble, either as a PC or as a DM?

I mean, we've all had it happen. You're trying to describe something, and in giving what you think is a perfectly normal description, the PCs suddenly say "wait, what was that again?" and a slow grin creeps across their face. Suddenly, what you thought was harmless flavor text completely destroys/derails the entire game

I almost suffered this a few weeks ago. In my description of a room, I happened to mention that some of the large statues were bronze. A few minutes later one PC looked at another and said "wait a minute...think about how much metal that is. Do you have any idea what that's worth?" At this point, warning bells started clanging in my head, because I had put far too many of these statues in what was supposed to be a simple 3 room side quest. I was fortunately saved through "oh-let's-be-nice-to-the-dm-and-not-take-advantage-of-him" metagaming, a moment of weakness I never expect from my PCs again.

[The Neoclassic]

Amusing anecdote you have there!

I, for one, usually find most of my trouble in naming. I just mention an NPC or item's name, and the players find it ridiculously hilarious, derailing my usually serious games. It's been a while since I've run a good game, so I can't think of any specifics, I'm afraid. Can't wait to see other people's stories though!

[sonofzeal]

I almost suffered this a few weeks ago. In my description of a room, I happened to mention that some of the large statues were bronze. A few minutes later one PC looked at another and said "wait a minute...think about how much metal that is. Do you have any idea what that's worth?"
Bronze is friggin heavy though, like massively so, and "large statues" are not going to fit through the entrance of most Bags of Holding. You were probably safe either way.

[LibraryOgre]

I was fortunately saved through "oh-let's-be-nice-to-the-dm-and-not-take-advantage-of-him" metagaming, a moment of weakness I never expect from my PCs again.

Well, certainly not NOW.

And I still know where those statues are. Don't tempt me. ;-)

Hzurr left out, incidentally, one of our "finest" moments. We had to traverse a chasm on a narrow bridge. We knew that they had crossbows on the far side. But we had a table, and we had a minotaur, so we created a tortoise out of shields and tables, carried by our minotaur, so the rest of the party could force the door.

I tend to regard dungeon dressing as potential weapons. It's more fun that way.

[Telonius]

There was a statue, and your players didn't attack it on sight? Wow, that was a moment of weakness. :smallbiggrin:

[Hzurr]

I, for one, usually find most of my trouble in naming. I just mention an NPC or item's name, and the players find it ridiculously hilarious, derailing my usually serious games.

Heh, I also struggle with this. There was one time when I had an NPC named "Dillard" but when I introduced him, I accidentally said "Dillards." 5 minutes later, my players had renamed the town "JCPenny's" and the nearby lake "Macy's"


we created a tortoise out of shields and tables, carried by our minotaur, so the rest
Eh, this was much better than the original plan of trying to put wheels on the bottom of the table. *head-desk*

[Pelfaid]

My first ever DMing experience I described a door as "An oak door with a ornate door handle." Rather than break down the door, they meticulously remove the door from the frame, cart it back to town and sell it. Since then I have not described any doorknob as ornate.

[xPANCAKEx]

Bronze is friggin heavy though, like massively so, and "large statues" are not going to fit through the entrance of most Bags of Holding. You were probably safe either way.

where theres a PC, theres a way ;)

[Artanis]

Jovian Chronicles is a mecha game, with the mechas being on a scale such that the cockpit took up most of the torso. Well, during one battle, I was trying to attack an enemy mecha with my energy sword, and I made the mistake of describing the attack as being towards the cockpit. The GM took this to mean a called shot. I tried to convince him that I was just trying to stab the biggest part of the mecha, which just happened to contain the enemy cockpit.

About twenty minutes later, my attack was not a called shot, it blew up the enemy mecha anyways, and I wound up with that mecha's 80 missiles coming at me from stabbing range.

It all turned out alright though: I miraculously survived the barrage, and after the game the GM apologized, saying he realized the moment he had said it that he had made a mistake with the missile barrage.

[TheCountAlucard]

Indeed; not my story, but a DM I know told me about his game. He had the party of first-level PCs exploring a deserted island fortress. They found a sealed, forbiddanced temple to one of those fancy LG deities, with masterfully crafted stained glass windows, marble pillars, and a solid-mithril altar.

Yeah, the PCs looted it. They stuffed their pockets with holy symbols and priest robes, carefully dismantled the windows, and when the DM told them that they couldn't move the altar because it was embedded in the stone floor, they took up pickaxes and dug it out.

They made a fortune selling it to the mainland church, and strayed so far from wealth-by-level that they didn't even get near it again for another eight levels.

[Tacoma]

I recall the module for 2E "Haunted Halls of Eveningstar" where there was a tapestry that was described in the module as being of great worth, "many Resurrection spells" if it could ever be removed. It was an artifact level thing, invulnerable to our attacks, and bolted to the wall with adamantite bolts.

Well guess what, DM? We went back to town and bought pickaxes and tore apart the wall. The DM rolled for random encounters and we racked up the XP and treasure just sitting there. The party Thief set up man-traps in the halls leading up to us, fields of caltrops and marbles and soaked with pitch for easy lighting. We developed some impressive group tactics revolving around that room, and decided early on that simply using the pickaxes as weapons was better than spending a round changing to our real weapons.

So since the tapestry had no listed GP value the DM tried to weasel his way out of it by saying it wasn't actually worth that much and you could only trade it for services like Resurrections. We looked it up. A Resurrection cost 50,000 GP in those days. We were 5th level. Heady stuff.

Then he claimed nobody would have enough money to buy it. We went to the Lady of Eveningstar who had sent us into the Halls to find this mystical artifact ring. She had gobs of money and magic as the DM clearly pointed out when we had our first audience with her.

We calculated that the tapestry should be worth a Resurrection each. Seems reasonable. He balked until I suggested that since my character had tailoring skill he could make a completely invulnerable cloak out of it for one of us to wear. We each ended up with 1000 GP, a +1 weapon, a +1 armor, a large plot of land just outside Eveningstar, three levels of free training (training cost 1500 GP x current level back then), and our group altogether got formal ownership of the Haunted Halls. Deed and everything. The magic items were the real bargain - this DM was notoriously stingy with the phat lewts and they were the first magic items most of us got.

Note that the room down the hall from the tapestry had an Iron Golem in it. +3 weapon needed to hit, most magic has no effect. We wisely skirted that room.

[LibraryOgre]

Eh, this was much better than the original plan of trying to put wheels on the bottom of the table. *head-desk*

I'll point out to the Playground that I was not involved in that part of the plan. I was, at that point, returning slaves to our base camp.

[Tacoma]

I'll point out to the Playground that I was not involved in that part of the plan. I was, at that point, returning slaves to our base camp.

This redeems you unless said slaves still had their chains on ;)

[Flickerdart]

This is something I'm sure has happened to more people, and there's a surprisingly low number of "share your funny stories" threads right now (as opposed to 2 months ago, when there were 20 of them)

So, when has generic flavor text gotten you in trouble, either as a PC or as a DM?

I mean, we've all had it happen. You're trying to describe something, and in giving what you think is a perfectly normal description, the PCs suddenly say "wait, what was that again?" and a slow grin creeps across their face. Suddenly, what you thought was harmless flavor text completely destroys/derails the entire game

I almost suffered this a few weeks ago. In my description of a room, I happened to mention that some of the large statues were bronze. A few minutes later one PC looked at another and said "wait a minute...think about how much metal that is. Do you have any idea what that's worth?" At this point, warning bells started clanging in my head, because I had put far too many of these statues in what was supposed to be a simple 3 room side quest. I was fortunately saved through "oh-let's-be-nice-to-the-dm-and-not-take-advantage-of-him" metagaming, a moment of weakness I never expect from my PCs again.
Bronze statues were always cast hollow, for the precise reason that it would cost an insane amount of money otherwise and you wouldn't be able to move it.

[Tacoma]

They're also somewhat fragile. One falling over might crack, and if you pickaxed it out of the floor you might crack it at the legs. Hire a dwarf who can do it right.

[Mikeavelli]

A DM of mine is especially guilty of this, he likes to include overly long, elaborate sequences in his dungeons that make absolutely no sense. A few sessions ago we traveled through a long sequence of hallways and vertical drops connected by a sort of fantasy elevator, a wooden box connected at the top with metal chain, each of them descending about a half-mile into the darkness.

We spent about two hours repeating these sequences over and over, with precious little in the way of interesting stuff going on, and I tend to rebel against this nonsense, so I started calculating exactly how much those chains would be worth. Assuming the PHB price for 10 foot chains, the miles of chain there came out to tens of thousands of gold pieces, and we had enough space\weight in our bags of holding to grab it all.

This same adventure also featured a giant Adamantium double-door. You can guess what happened to that.

-----

On the other hand I've had a distressingly large number of DM's who, when talking about spell-like abilities, think "At will" means "Free Action."

[Tacoma]

For this reason I never say what the metal is unless they ask and make a Metallurgy check or whatever. That Adamantite door is actually just a door made of a dull, mottled black metal that carries no rust. Heck, it could be anything. Same with the Mithril altar. Not that I'd change anything midway - it's always just a door made of crummy metal. But they get the feeling that it's something mystical when I describe it without outright saying it's pig iron.

Pig iron, pig iron, pig iron. You got all pig iron.

[Prometheus]

Heh, I also struggle with this. There was one time when I had an NPC named "Dillard" but when I introduced him, I accidentally said "Dillards." 5 minutes later, my players had renamed the town "JCPenny's" and the nearby lake "Macy's"

This type of thing happens to me too. I had a leader of a hostile band of soldiers have the title of Captain. I never gave them his name though, and one of the PCs dubbed him Captain Carrot (simply because it is alliterative), I went with it but insisted that he pronounced it Captain Carot (like Care-rot) because he was elven and had to pronounce things differently. They get the impression this guy is a European caricature and after I mention he wields a rapier it is only a matter of time before they come to the conclusion that this guy is a flaming homosexual. Well, his sexuality may have officially remained ambiguous until the day he died (which was that very same session), but it certainly did not help that he was the only one of his soldiers who focused on "finesse and grace" rather than "raw strength". The damage was pretty minimal, but I just had to roll my eyes a couple of times too many.

Sometimes description saves you. I mentioned in one game that the PCs pass a broken down wagon. Later, they save an amputee trapped in a sinking building and to further impress the depressing situation of this town on them, the amputee confesses that he will probably starve to death anyway out here in the middle of nowhere. These were two unrelated events, but the characters get the idea to assemble a wheel chair out of the broken wagon for this amputee that they rescued so that he can travel with them to a nearby town..

[Tacoma]

... the characters get the idea to assemble a wheel chair out of the broken wagon for this amputee that they rescued so that he can travel with them to a nearby town..

My players would have been obsessed with this guy, taking him on as a wheelchair-bound henchman, raising his morale to idiotic levels, putting him in an armored magical wheelchair (probably one that flies) and then promptly shoving him into a closet as soon as they got home from the adventure. They do this.

In a Shadowrun game they kidnapped a pimply-faced kid who worked at a Weenie Hut Juniors' and pressed him into service as a Shadowrunner. They gave him a little basic training, had a doctor cut off his arms to put expensive cyberware arms on him, and gave him an Uzi and told him to go out there and make a difference. In the span of about three days. He hadn't even recovered from the surgery.

[Roderick_BR]

Pfft. You should do like my DMs, that whenever we tried to be too smart, they would use it against us. Like, carrying a huge metal statue, or huge oak door? How come you were not attacked by dozens of denizens, seeins as you were very vulnerable trying to find a way to carry heavy stuff through dangerous areas?

My group make fun of ANY thing the DM uses, so we don't have much derails, as much as snack breaks.

[The Neoclassic]

...a flaming homosexual...

Much appreciated. You reminded me of my worst flavor text problem.

I spent quite some time writing out a letter between villains. Took a lot of time to make the paper look old and nifty and such.... Well, read it and tell me what you think:


Spiritual Leader Fugduw of Tribe Redbones:

Her Majesty's Servant asked that I write to you, as he is currently on another chase and may not be back for some time.

The man who delivered this letter is Victor, who used to live in Lagunz and has recently moved in with Krussis to better serve Tiamat. He will be coming back to check on you regularly in Harold's place, now that Her Majesty's Servant desires that Harold join him on chases.

Blah, blah, relevent religious stuff...

-In The Name of Her Majesty of Dragons, Harron Drunn

Anyway, my adventuring party took this to be absolutely hilarious inneundo and for the duration of the adventure were cracking jokes about Victor and Harold and Her Majesty's Servant. Rereading it I still don't think it's that bad (just cheesy- I wrote this years ago), but some players....

[Tar Palantir]

I have a city councilman and Thieve's Guild leader named Steve, because I didn't expect anyone to ask his name. Seriously the one time they care about some random NPC's name...

This also caused me to realize that I have completely forgotten the name of a recurring NPC in said campaign. I can't even remember real people's names, how do you expect me to remember Halfling Caravan Leader's spontaneously cast name generation?

[Llama231]

I stink at flavor text so much, that whenever i say anything besides "there is a monster in the room", or "the door is locked", the PCs freak out.
Example:
Me: There is a bridge.
PC1: Is there any thing under it?
Me: No...
PC1: I make a spot check.
Me: You get a natural 20.
PC1: So d I see anything?
Me: No! its just a bridge!
PC1: Burn it.
PC2: [Puts out fire.]
[Everyone crosses.]
[Nothing happens.]
PC2: Actually, it is kind of suspicious that there is absolutely NOTHING under it...

And so on...

[Asheram]

I stink at flavor text so much, that whenever i say anything besides "there is a monster in the room", or "the door is locked", the PCs freak out.
Example:
Me: There is a bridge.
PC1: Is there any thing under it?
Me: No...
PC1: I make a spot check.
Me: You get a natural 20.
PC1: So d I see anything?
Me: No! its just a bridge!
PC1: Burn it.
PC2: [Puts out fire.]
[Everyone crosses.]
[Nothing happens.]
PC2: Actually, it is kind of suspicious that there is absolutely NOTHING under it...

And so on...

The famed horror movie syndrome.
You expect things to be so cliché; stuff jumping out behind pillars, statues starting to move, dead rising, horrible horrible stuff under bridges. and so on.
It really wears your nerves down when you encounter all these perfect areas where things could happen but doesn't.

[FMArthur]

There was a situation similar to the OP's in one of the games I played, except we did the naughty thing and took it. See, we were coming to this ancient temple full of treasure, and to indicate how much treasure there must be inside the temple, there were giant stone statues on either side of its entrance holding massive spheres of solid gold. From what we'd seen so far, the place was sure to contain all kinds of life-threatening traps, and since we'd be rich beyond mortal imagining even with the gigantic gold spheres at the entrance, we decided to take them. With a lot of careful planning, we got the right combination of magic to lift and transport them.

We really did deserve it when the gold turned into sand upon leaving the area, so we just went back to the dungeon and played nice.

[BRC]

There is a trap it dosn't look like I will have the opporotunity to use, this campaign, but which I really like the idea of. Put simply, it's a small golden statue, well-crafted, very valuable, and highly electrified. The moment the players grab it, they get electrocuted. To put the kicker on it, the statue isn't even solid gold, it's hollow with lead in the base to make up for the weight.

[Limos]

In one campaign the Rogue didn't listen carefully enough to the flavor text. Or at least wasn't cautious enough.

We were faced with a magical dagger at the bottom of a shallow pool. The Thief just jumped in and grabbed it.

That was when the Ooze that was currently sleeping in the pool woke up and ate both his feet.

[Tormsskull]

I remember when I was introducing an NPC to the players, and I explained his solid frame, his walking grace of an accomplished soldier, his fine weapons and armor. Then he introduced himself as Brazen.

As I tried to go on, the players said "Brazen? Like Raisin with a B?" And no matter what I did, they called him Raisin ever after.

[BRC]

Something similar happened in my campaign. The PC's work for an organization, and they recieve orders and support from the local coordinators, a pair of intentionally interchangeable agents who use the aliases John Thompson and Jon Tomson. They are refered to as "H" and "No H". For some reason, one of the PC's insists on calling them the "H"es, even though only one of them has the letter H in their name.

[StoryKeeper]

Several dirty jokes had been told just prior to this:

The DM was trying to describe a male character being chased by a Hulking corpse, or rather the noise they were making as they approached.

DM: You hear a man's screams and a thumping noise coming from behind him. They seem to be getting closer.

...very dirty.... to my gutter brain.

[monty]

I stink at flavor text so much, that whenever i say anything besides "there is a monster in the room", or "the door is locked", the PCs freak out.
Example:
Me: There is a bridge.
PC1: Is there any thing under it?
Me: No...
PC1: I make a spot check.
Me: You get a natural 20.
PC1: So d I see anything?
Me: No! its just a bridge!
PC1: Burn it.
PC2: [Puts out fire.]
[Everyone crosses.]
[Nothing happens.]
PC2: Actually, it is kind of suspicious that there is absolutely NOTHING under it...

And so on...

Just out of curiosity, do your players know what a gazebo is?

[The Neoclassic]

Just out of curiosity, do your players know what a gazebo is?

Just out of curiousity, do you have the link or story? Because that makes me laugh very, very much but I cannot remember the exact context behind it.

[Paramour Pink]

Just out of curiosity, do your players know what a gazebo is?

Lmao. Nice. :smallbiggrin:

As for flavor text that got anyone in trouble...I can't imagine any. I'm always a player, so if I've given my beloved DMs headaches by misunderstanding or something, they've never told me so far.

[Aquillion]

I almost suffered this a few weeks ago. In my description of a room, I happened to mention that some of the large statues were bronze. A few minutes later one PC looked at another and said "wait a minute...think about how much metal that is. Do you have any idea what that's worth?" At this point, warning bells started clanging in my head, because I had put far too many of these statues in what was supposed to be a simple 3 room side quest. I was fortunately saved through "oh-let's-be-nice-to-the-dm-and-not-take-advantage-of-him" metagaming, a moment of weakness I never expect from my PCs again.You didn't say they were solid, though, did you? You could've had them turn out to be hollow (which is, well, realistic.) Or even just bronze-plated stone; it's not something that would be obvious at first.

[monty]

Just out of curiousity, do you have the link or story? Because that makes me laugh very, very much but I cannot remember the exact context behind it.

http://www.brunchma.com/archives/Forum13/HTML/000133.html

[Epic_Wizard]

I seem to recall being told a story about a DM rushing flavor text and accidentally filling a barracks with infinite mattresses (he said something like 'they stretch on forever' and when pressed said that there were an effectively unlimited number. The PC's later burned down a forest using them as kindling...

[TamLin]

"Flavor text is like pillow talk; it sounds nice, but it doesn't mean anything."
-Psion from my last group.

If you're the DM, and your players take flavor text to ridiculous ends, it's fully in your rights to go back on what you said. Next time they start carving up bronze statues and selling them piece by piece, feel perfectly free to pull a "Whoops, I guess they were just granite statues all along". You shouldn't have to go over every single noun and adjective you speak with a fine-toothed comb. It's a game about adventure, not junk salvage.

Personally, I get driven nuts by my players' picky reactions to in-combat flavor text. A couple weeks ago I described the Fighter's succesful attack by saying that the Gnoll had paried his axe-swing, so he simply headbutted it with his helmet instead. So he goes "Huh? Wait, I didn't attack him with my helmet!" To which I responded: "I was just trying to be colorful. You hit people with that axe a hundred freaking times a game, I've gotta change it up a little. There are only so many ways for a guy to get hit with an axe!"

[Magnor Criol]

We were playing a slightly-futuristic (about 60-ish years from now) campaign where our party was a five-man special ops team. We'd go in, report ot the Chief for briefing, and head out for a mission. Routine stuff.

Except for our visits to the base quartermaster. One of the players is...creative, in unconventional ways. Whenever we got a mission and got permission to hit up the quartermaster's, we'd swing by there and while the rest of us were asking for grenades, larger guns, extra ammo for our team's tricked out jeep, Don was inquiring about bear traps, circular sawblades, and minifridges.

By the end of our time, our a heavy-duty vehicle was equipped with a 50 cal gun and a flamethrower, and a minifridge (filled, of course, with alcohol); we had a team signature of clamping the head of a mission's primary target in a bear trap; and - what made the poor NPC quartermaster particularly cringe - a fullblade-sized sword made of a steep pole with circular sawblades that actually spun down its length.

All because Don asked for a description of what he could see in the quartermaster's room from the other side of the counter.

[newbDM]

Heh, I also struggle with this. There was one time when I had an NPC named "Dillard" but when I introduced him, I accidentally said "Dillards." 5 minutes later, my players had renamed the town "JCPenny's" and the nearby lake "Macy's"

And the town's folk were OK with that?



Anyway, from my experience as a player, be careful how you describe drow priestesses...

[Margon84]

http://www.brunchma.com/archives/Forum13/HTML/000133.html


OMG I haven't laughed uncontrollably with tears streaming down my face for some time, but this story got me good. My Dog is two years old and has not seen me act this way before, stumbling around the house holding my sides and shrieking with mirth, unable to see where I'm going I'm crying so hard. Naturally, she went and hid in her crate.

[Dervag]

My first ever DMing experience I described a door as "An oak door with a ornate door handle." Rather than break down the door, they meticulously remove the door from the frame, cart it back to town and sell it. Since then I have not described any doorknob as ornate.Hm.

You can either reduce the amount of treasure in the dungeon by an amount equal to the value of the doorknob, or you can use the doorknob as a kind of bait. If the PCs are stupid enough to waste time doing carpentry before they've secured the area, they get ambushed by a group of well-prepared enemies who had all the time in the world to circle around behind them and buff themselves with magic before jumping them while they're fooling around with the door.

Secure, then pillage, then burn.

[Starscream]

I used to have a DM who, when he didn't have anything else planned, would mine our backstories for plot-hooks. Problem was, I was the only member of the party whose story was particularly fleshed out. I was bored one night and had basically given my guy a multi-volume biography.

And it all got used! Old mentors came to us with quests, family members got kidnapped, a childhood sweetheart was nearly fed to a dragon. It became a running gag that we'd better not let the plot slow for a moment, lest my character be thrown into a blood drenched version of "This is Your Life"

And all the other party members had origins like "Krunk like hitting things with rock. Quest to find best rock of all", so they were completely immune to this treatment. It was like the entire universe held a grudge against my guy.

[newbDM]

I used to have a DM who, when he didn't have anything else planned, would mine our backstories for plot-hooks. Problem was, I was the only member of the party whose story was particularly fleshed out. I was bored one night and had basically given my guy a multi-volume biography.

And it all got used! Old mentors came to us with quests, family members got kidnapped, a childhood sweetheart was nearly fed to a dragon. It became a running gag that we'd better not let the plot slow for a moment, lest my character be thrown into a blood drenched version of "This is Your Life"

And all the other party members had origins like "Krunk like hitting things with rock. Quest to find best rock of all", so they were completely immune to this treatment. It was like the entire universe held a grudge against my guy.



Your DM is a genius! I love that idea. And since I like sandbox style games, this little trick would be insanely useful for me. Thanks, and please thank that DM if you see him again!

Plus, this gives me a reason to insist on players providing at least some backstory for their characters.

I don't know, I would have done something with that "Like to hit things with rocks, quest to find best rock" plot. First, I would have provided that player with a way to get to the Elemental Plane of Earth. Then I would have gotten Ogrémoch (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archomental) on his case. :smallbiggrin:

[Harperfan7]

Probably one of the funniest moments of my DMing history was when the pcs were walking down a dirt road in the forest and a wounded man came stumbling down the road from the other direction.

"Healing, I need healing!" says the man.

(Apparently this was suspicious, so...)

PC (playing a dwarf fighter) "HEAL THIS BANDIT!" and made an axe chop motion at my head (he was sitting right next to me)

We all lost it.



Another time, my younger cousin (who has 0 theory of mind) was DMing. We were walking down a tunnel in the sewers of some city.

DM "The tunnel you are in goes into another corridor"

Me "What?"

DM "You come across a different corridor."

Me "You mean a turn?"

DM "...yeah."

[Narmoth]

I have had a similar problem like the one with the bronze statues:

The party are down in the underdark. Except for a drow thief, the rest of the party are high-elves.
Now, the drow thief is the son of a woodcarver (in underdark it's a very high-prestige occupation since only the richest of the rich can afford to import wood from the surface)
They break in to the mage guild (and wizard academy) castle, which I modelled after Wizards Keep in the Sword of Truth-series. They broke in through the cellar, and I had to fill the empty cellar floor with something. I decided on wooden barrels. 6 ft long and 3 ft in diameter.
Well, the players of course ask what they are filled with, but they're empty, so they should simply be ignored.
Enter the drow son of a woodcutter:
Uses appraise on the wood of the barrels. Finds that they are insanely valuable. (Story vice they were in the oldest part of the building, abandoned several thousand years ago, and the barrels had to be of a very sturdy elven wood for fluff reasons)
Now they have come up with 10 different plans on how to sell the wood.


Indeed; not my story, but a DM I know told me about his game. He had the party of first-level PCs exploring a deserted island fortress. They found a sealed, forbiddanced temple to one of those fancy LG deities, with masterfully crafted stained glass windows, marble pillars, and a solid-mithril altar.

Yeah, the PCs looted it. They stuffed their pockets with holy symbols and priest robes, carefully dismantled the windows, and when the DM told them that they couldn't move the altar because it was embedded in the stone floor, they took up pickaxes and dug it out.

They made a fortune selling it to the mainland church, and strayed so far from wealth-by-level that they didn't even get near it again for another eight levels.

And the god who the temple was dedicated to originally didn't mind?

[Stephen_E]

I've had a DM use a Adamantium grilled gate once. We did legitimately work out it was adamantium after trying to break it. Unfortunately the DM forgot to make the hinges adamantium so we broke the hinges, looted the armory it was guarded for the magical weapons we were susposed to obtain and then took away the gate which we calculated as more valuable than all the weapons it was protecting. :smallbiggrin:

The DM did try and stop us taking the gaye but it quickly became clear that he was left with the choice of letting us take the gate, or watch his entire adventure derail as we threw everything we had at getting the gate back to somewhere we could sell it, and to hell with the mission we were supposed to be on!

We got the gate.

Stephen E

[vegetalss4]

Stephen_E
this is what i would have done. It weren't a adamantium door. it was an adamantium layered door, with a rather thin layer of adamantium. meaning that you would only have gotten a small amount out of it.

[DigoDragon]

Flavor text only gets me into trouble when I mispronouce words, such as trying to describe a 'commotion' within the crowd and then the PCs wonder why everyone in town is gathered around a toilet.

[tsuuga]

Stephen_E
this is what i would have done. It weren't a adamantium door. it was an adamantium layered door, with a rather thin layer of adamantium. meaning that you would only have gotten a small amount out of it.

This, too, can still backfire. Back in '04, my adventuring party ran into a BBEG fight, complete with sacrificial maiden strapped to a gold altar. Expecting looting, the DM had specified that the jewels on the altar were fake. She forgot we had fire-beetle paste(It's an alchemical substance that burns hot enough to cut through stone). Lots of fire-beetle paste. So we set about cutting up the altar. Thinking fast, she said there was only a quarter-inch of gold over a stone block. A minute or so of calculation later, and we figured there was still about 900,000 GP worth of gold on that altar. We were level 6. And rich, rich, rich.

Moral of the story? Gold is really dense, and a quarter inch adds up.

In my own GMing experience, I informed a player that it was taking a bit more effort to cast her spells than it ought to. I was trying to hint to her that the metal rods she was carrying were, in fact, cold iron - and not just steel sword-blanks. Seemed logical, since it costs extra to enchant cold iron; magic should be a little harder to do when its that close. She assumed I was nerfing her.

[kkortekaas]

describing something as a Babbling brook always gets me in trouble.

[ArchaeologyHat]

The zombie noise... oh the zombie noise...

I once had a campagin where the players found themselves in a crypt filled with crazy cultists armed with glaives. They went in, killed everything and got the the MacGuffin (I think it was the Emperess' daughter or something). I then had all the dead cultists rise as zombies so they had to fight their way out. To alert them to the zombies said they could hear a noise then I impersonated a zombie, rather well it would seem, as the players then demand that this noise is made any time a zombie appears in any campaign.

[Zenos]

I had one, the players were rampaging through some demon-summoning orcs in a port-side dungeon (think underground dock) when they found one of the encounters I had made, a Succubus disguised as a human woman, in a nice little bedroom overlooking the port.
What do the PCs assume? The worst. :smallannoyed: My embarassment and fumbling attempt at saying NO did not help. :smalltongue:

[vegetalss4]

tsuuga I'm not talking a quarter inch. I'm talking something more like the thickness of a human hair:smallwink:

[tsuuga]

Adamantine Foil: For all your dragon-based cooking needs.

[Adumbration]

tsuuga I'm not talking a quarter inch. I'm talking something more like the thickness of a human hair:smallwink:
In that case they shouldn't have had any trouble breaking through it in the first place - which makes for an efficient gate crasher. The players imply that the proverbial gate is valuable ---> the gate is no longer valuable ---> the gate is weak ---> they break the gate. No more challenges that contain anything valuable - expensive traps, for example.

[Weezer]

Once my players were playing at being pirates, they captured a convoy carrying gold from mines on an island to the mainland civilization. I made the mistake of saying that the ships each had the amount of gold that would have been found on a Spanish treasure galleon, it turns out that each galleon carried upwards of twenty tons of gold each. Thankfully instead of buying gobs of magic items the players bought a small kingdom and used the money to start up an army. My plot got slightly derailed but it all worked out for the best.

[Myou]

In that case they shouldn't have had any trouble breaking through it in the first place - which makes for an efficient gate crasher. The players imply that the proverbial gate is valuable ---> the gate is no longer valuable ---> the gate is weak ---> they break the gate. No more challenges that contain anything valuable - expensive traps, for example.

Just make the entire dungeon from Obdurium. ;D

[lisiecki]

In a game a GM was running last year (MandM) the part was made up of my self and another Vet 3.5 player and 3 people for whom it was the first RPG ever.
At one point we were attacked by a "colossal rock man"
The other 3.5 player and my self freaked out, attacking him non stop, fearing for our very lives. This went on for several rounds trying to aviod getting in to grapple range of it.
after several rounds of this one of the noobs actually thought to ask "Well how tall is it"
The GMs answer was "about 25 feet tall"

[LibraryOgre]

Heh, I also struggle with this. There was one time when I had an NPC named "Dillard" but when I introduced him, I accidentally said "Dillards." 5 minutes later, my players had renamed the town "JCPenny's" and the nearby lake "Macy's"

He's modestly left out our current game.

It started with the Dragonborn Fighter, Murderous Rex. Then it came out that Murderous had brothers... Tyrranous Rex, Furious Rex, and Torturous Rex. His father? Tacitus Rex.

Last night, we find out that he has an older, illegitimate, half-brother, Oedipus Rex, who killed their father and fled to the port city of Colonus (though, I will admit, Colonus is my fault).

I fully expect the Shadar-Kai woman who was seen at the Rex estate to be named Antigone.

[TheCountAlucard]

And the god who the temple was dedicated to originally didn't mind?

It was the same god.

[horseboy]

I tend to regard dungeon dressing as potential weapons. It's more fun that way.DM: "As you swing the big, heavy, reinforced door, two kobolds leap out at you. What do you do?"
*Roll Init*
Me: "I slam the door on them." *Roll* "20!"
Ah the good ol' days, when kobolds had 2 hp.

[Remmirath]

I was playing in a fairly large group at one point (ten to fourteen people, depending on the day), and there were some funny things that happened there.

First, we were going to free some prisoners. I forget where or why, but the DM described them as being very emancipated instead of very emaciated. This led us to not bothering to free them, as they were already obviously fine, among several jokes.

Another time in the same group we were playing a game where we would end up with a certain number of randomly picked flaws based on the ECL of the character - one plus one for each ECL point. I was playing a Githyanki ranger, so he had three. He ended up being hunchbacked, sickly, and had a monstrous foot. After we were done with a battle, I described him as 'limping away slowly back towards the cliffside'. Apparently everybody else had forgotten that he had so many problems, since they thought he was badly injured, and the cleric tried to heal him.

Also, another time, someone in the party got obsessed with detecting magical auras on people. For some reason (I forget why now, it was a while ago), we believed that someone who had three auras was the villain we were looking for (we had seen him at one point, and believed he was shapechanged). So, my character (elf hexblade who was a bit on the psychotic side) as well as the guy obsessed with detecting things and the party cleric went looking for the villain. We'd detect magic on everybody we met, and we had decided that the first person who had the same three magical auras was the villain. The first person who fit the description was a little girl in a house, who we all believed was secretly the villain. This led us to spending several hours in game time intimidating her and sacking her house for evidence, until the rest of the party caught up to us and made us stop.

In my campaigns, I tend to have troubles with naming things. I'll think that the name is quite easy to pronounce, and then half-way through the session I'll realise that none of my players remember it. I've gotten better about that recently, but it has led to somewhat annoying things, such as a group of monsters being referred to as 'snow banthas' because the players couldn't remember the actual name and the description was similar.
The same group has also given all of the dragons they've ever met nicknames because they can't remember their names.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot one - it was a D20 Modern campaign, and the characters were in a bar. They had just done something to tick off the enemy at the time, and they were confronted by a dwarven agent of his. I intended to describe him as a 'menacing looking dwarf holding a sleek pistol', but I slipped up, and he became a 'sleek dwarf holding a menacing looking pistol'. They never bothered to remember the dwarf's name. He was always 'the sleek dwarf' from that point on.

[Egiam]

He's modestly left out our current game.

It started with the Dragonborn Fighter, Murderous Rex. Then it came out that Murderous had brothers... Tyrranous Rex, Furious Rex, and Torturous Rex. His father? Tacitus Rex.

Last night, we find out that he has an older, illegitimate, half-brother, Oedipus Rex, who killed their father and fled to the port city of Colonus (though, I will admit, Colonus is my fault).

I fully expect the Shadar-Kai woman who was seen at the Rex estate to be named Antigone.

That is hilarious!

Most of the time it's just me mispronouncing something. Such as the time I ran Eberron the first time. I was giving a intro speech to explain the tone of the setting to my players...
Me: ...from the jungles of Q'barra to the burning chasms of the Demon Wastes, a call has come out for heroes... (etc)... and a thousand [I]horrors[I] lurk benea...
Player: wait, what did you just say?

[Stephen_E]

This event occurred shortly before I joined the game.

A rolemaster game where the party where the setup was some sheep rustlers trying to steal a flock of sheep. Regretably the party didn't catch on until the shepperds had been killed. The DM decides that with the shepperds death the flock is up for grabs. No big deal, until they look up the price of a sheep!

Turns out sheep are quite valuable. Uber treasure time for a 2nd lev party.:smallbiggrin:

Stephen E

[Tacoma]

A mispronunciation of "caltrops" led them to believe they had found hundreds of "cow traps" lying around.

Same with "sheaf arrows = sheep arrows".

[The Neoclassic]

A mispronunciation of "caltrops" led them to believe they had found hundreds of "cow traps" lying around.

Same with "sheaf arrows = sheep arrows".

Now I'm imagining an adventure, no, an entire plane devoted to devious barnyard animals and their tricks and traps... Oh my.

[monty]

Now I'm imagining an adventure, no, an entire plane devoted to devious barnyard animals and their tricks and traps... Oh my.

Have a secret cow level at the end of your campaign?

[Tacoma]

That's been done.

...

Secret sheep level definitely. With rams and such. The ram would have a rider, and when the ram charged and struck the rider would simultaneously leap off and tackle the people in back.

The riders would wear padded armor made from wool.

[monty]

That's been done.

I know. That was the idea.

[AslanCross]

1. The PCs were invited to a high-class ball to celebrate the bestowment of nobility on the PC wizard. The ball was of course attacked by assassins. Upon getting to the second floor of the manor, they came across a branching corridor. One of the corridors lead down to a darkened area where the elf ranger could vaguely see a draconic shape moving as if it were breathing. They wasted a lot of time debating about whether they should attack it or not. (Come on, we can take it by surprise!) (OMG it's a dragon!) (Why is there a dragon HERE?!?!)

It was actually a clay golem carved in the shape of a dragon. :P Thankfully they decided not to bother it. It was actually the family vault's security system.

2. Just the other day, the same Wizard was with the party. The same Elf ranger ended up on the top of the wall ahead of everyone else, and she got cornered by two hobgoblins dual-wielding cleavers. The ranger got knocked down to 4 HP, and was about to receive a whopping 19 damage from a hobgoblin using the Rabid Wolf Strike maneuver.
The wizard wanted to use celerity and cast something that could save her, but he realized that she was too close for him to blast safely. He thought about using earth reaver, which could knock them down, but only if he also hit the rogue who had just climbed up onto the wall. Since earth reaver's damage has no save, (Ref save or be knocked prone), the Wizard tried to find a way to cast it safely without killing the rogue..

Wiz: Can I cast it on the air?
Me: Uh, no. What does the spell description say?
Wiz: "You point your finger at a spot on the ground", but it's only flavor text! The spell description doesn't say anything else!
Me: Uh...
Paladin: Well, there's a reason they call it earth reaver and not air reaver...

He ended up just casting glitterdust, since it had a smaller AoE. I ruled that he blinded the hobgoblin just as she swung her cleaver, so the attack still happened, but the miss chance now applied.

Me: "Okay, she's still going to hit if I roll 51% or higher."
Everyone: *ulp* Okay.
Dice: 50

(This is why I didn't ban celerity. The Wizard uses it well. :P )

3. A co-worker of mine told me about a session he had once, where the DM seemed to be deliberately screwing his character over. Now he was a rogue, and also the party cook.

PC: I open the door.
DM: You see a beholder looking at you.
Player: (...crap, I can't kill that on my own!) ...can I pass my turn first?
DM: Fine.

The DM goes back to him after letting him think for a bit.
PC: I have a bag of pepper in my backpack. I take it out and throw it on the ground beneath the beholder.
DM: ...

He didn't tell me how it ended, but I'm sure it would've been ugly.

[Danzaver]

Um, how about the time that I discovered (the hard way) that 'brazier' is not pronounced the same as 'brassier'.

My players were about to rename the adventure "tomb of the feminazis" or something like that for all the burning bras everywhere. >.>;

[Waspinator]

I've also had the metal statue problem, which seems to be all too common. Luckily, you can always claim that the statues are hollow or only plated with metal. They can't tell that from a first look or description so there's no way that they can call you on retconing the "loot".

[MickJay]

Best just to have all the large statues and objects made of plaster, stone or wood and coated with metal foil or painted over...

[Collin152]

I've also had the metal statue problem, which seems to be all too common. Luckily, you can always claim that the statues are hollow or only plated with metal. They can't tell that from a first look or description so there's no way that they can call you on retconing the "loot".

Which makes sense anyways, because otherwise the artisans were just throwing money away.

[Ricky S]

Lol so I was campaigning in a city and we had to stop a goldshipment protected by some gaurds and then steal it. So I have this bright idea (being cleric) of summoning heaps of monsters to attack it. I only summon a monstrous spider and then say attack the people, thinking it would attack the driver and or guards. My Dm had failed to mention the peasants walking around on their daily duty. The spider then attacks kills about 5 peasants much to my dismay then just returns to where ever they come from. This brought me closer to CE from my CN. mmm..... note to self do not summon monsters again.

[Heliomance]

Alternatively, be more careful about what you order the monsters to do.

[Irreverent Fool]

The Economicon (http://boards1.wizards.com/showpost.php?p=9483527&postcount=5)

Use what is mentioned here about the "wish-based-economy" and you won't have to worry too much about characters of 6th-level or so getting too much gold wealth. I've yet to implement it in a game I've run but I very much like the idea and it seems it could make for some very interesting plot-points.

Older editions didn't have wealth-by-level, but one couldn't easily go about purchasing and creating magical items. Sure you had vast mundane material wealth, but that's not what adventuring is about. (Okay, that's not ALL it's about anyway).

Furthermore, if the PCs happen to use all their wealth to form small castles and such (which as far as I've seen is what they tend to do) it gives you a potential plot hook as they are probably going to want to defend their 'home' from invading forces.

obnoxious
sig

[Stephen_E]

Just a real life note.

Bronze statues really were solid bronze. Yes, it was expensive but it was also more durable and expense was often part of the purpose - having large bronze statues showed that you were wealthy.

From what I know of how bronze statues were made, making hollow statues, or statues with cheap material cores would actually be quite difficult .http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronze_casting

I guess you could bronze dip one, but it would probably be easy to detect, which would have unfortunate effects if the purchaser wasn't in on it, and seriously backfire, prestige-wise, if those you were trying to impress found out.

Stephen E

[Aquillion]

Lol so I was campaigning in a city and we had to stop a goldshipment protected by some gaurds and then steal it. So I have this bright idea (being cleric) of summoning heaps of monsters to attack it. I only summon a monstrous spider and then say attack the people, thinking it would attack the driver and or guards. My Dm had failed to mention the peasants walking around on their daily duty. The spider then attacks kills about 5 peasants much to my dismay then just returns to where ever they come from. This brought me closer to CE from my CN. mmm..... note to self do not summon monsters again.That was kind of odd on your DM's part. Carelessness and accidents do not make you evil; your alignment represents your overall moral character, not what you do by accident. If it reached the level of outright negligence, maybe...

[ericgrau]

The real problem is the unlimited budget. Dungeon builders seem to spend more on the barrier than the thing they were protecting. But, really, why would they? At the least you can use a gold/bronze plating, and doors that aren't so friggin' strong. Everything can be broken eventually, so you only need to make things strong enough to slow the PCs down a little and that's it. Just a few rounds for monsters to arrive, perhaps.

[only1doug]

Just a real life note.

Bronze statues really were solid bronze. Yes, it was expensive but it was also more durable and expense was often part of the purpose - having large bronze statues showed that you were wealthy.

From what I know of how bronze statues were made, making hollow statues, or statues with cheap material cores would actually be quite difficult .http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronze_casting

I guess you could bronze dip one, but it would probably be easy to detect, which would have unfortunate effects if the purchaser wasn't in on it, and seriously backfire, prestige-wise, if those you were trying to impress found out.

Stephen E

Bad Linkie, too many http's (use this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronze_casting) instead).

If i Had to make a bronze statue with a solid core i'd carve a stone statue on a stone plinth in a deep pit. now cover with at least 2" of wax and detail the wax to the desired finish. cover the waxed statue in slurry to harden to a shell. now pour in molten bronze and the 2" layer of wax will be replaced by bronze. you now have a bronze statue with a stone core. carefully remove it from your pit and place it in desired location.

(the reason for the pit is because you really don't want to be lifting molten bronze too high above the ground).


It's not a great system, I'd be happier with a greater thickness of wax, which results in more metal for adventurers to steal, but thats not what the artist making it would be concerned about.

[Epic_Wizard]

You can also simply make there be rather substantial difficulties associated with lugging something like that home (it could fall on you, how do you lug that much since it can't be transported magically, and what about bandits with designs on it?) Plus you can just make it a load bearing structure with an easy DC Knowledge Architecture and Engineering check so the PC's know that if they mess with it then the ceiling will fall on them.:smallamused:

[woodenbandman]

I had this one thing where the DM took the flavor text of "Attaching undead tissue to living flesh" to mean that I couldn't give my undead bard a weakening arm graft. Really lame, but whatever, I still kick everyone else's ass.