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ondonaflash
2009-01-13, 03:59 AM
I am trying to get a codex of truisms for adventurers together universal truths that apply to most major adventures, D&D, Digital RPGs, anything like that, so far this is what I've come up with:

1. There is no such thing as free treasure
2. The best secrets are behind locked doors.
3. Small kindnesses often reap big rewards.
4. When in doubt, ask the innkeeper.
5. If you are stumped by a problem and no solution readily presents itself: Sleep on it.

Keep your suggestions serious, but any ideas that strike you are wanted.

bosssmiley
2009-01-13, 04:28 AM
n+1. If it looks safe then always send the trapspringer in first.

KKL
2009-01-13, 04:35 AM
6.) Disregard Rule 1, Free Treasure is everywhere.

Oracle_Hunter
2009-01-13, 04:45 AM
(7) Always bring rope. Always

(8) Never split the party (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waa2ucfgVgQ)

(9) If you do split up the party, one of you will be a doppleganger/mind controlled by the time you reunite. Plan accordingly.

(10) If the pay is too good, then you aren't supposed to live to spend it.

EDIT: More!

(11) Always tip your hirelings. Disgruntled NPCs have a nasty habit of coming back as reoccurring villains.

(12) Pillage, then burn. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schlock_Mercenary#The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effec tive_Pirates)

kamikasei
2009-01-13, 05:00 AM
6.) Disregard Rule 1, Free Treasure is everywhere.

13) The treasure may not be free, but magic swords and spellcasting mean you needn't be the one paying.

14) Don't get on the wrong side of the local Church of Free Healing.

15) Yes, at least one of the people giving you missions, or their beautiful daughters, or helpful viziers, or friendly innkeepers, will actually be a shapeshifted dragon/succubus/incubus/drow/mind flayer. This does not mean you should strip search and magically MRI all the ones who aren't.

16) Unless it's funny. Which it probably is.

caden_varn
2009-01-13, 05:13 AM
17) If in doubt, set something on fire. Or Someone.

Grail
2009-01-13, 06:23 AM
When I was in school, we came up with 101 of these. From memory some of them were:


All doors must be opened
All pit traps must be explored for treasure
All dragons must be taunted
All altars of Evil Gods must be used as toilets
All gemstone eyes in statues must be stolen
All traps must be set off
All mayors must be ridiculed
All maidens must be rescued and then taken advantage of

Kurald Galain
2009-01-13, 06:53 AM
18) Why yes, you can freely walk into anyone's house and take stuff out of the drawers.

19) If the BBEG makes you an offer that sounds too good to be true, it is.

20) Wield Whatever Gives The Most Pluses.

Avilan the Grey
2009-01-13, 07:30 AM
21) There is no such thing as overkill

22) A little bit of violence might not solve a problem. Use a LOT of violence

23) If you are hunting for vampires or were(anythings) one of the party will either already be one, or will become one

24) You can always come back later

Malacode
2009-01-13, 07:33 AM
Number 9 actually applies EVERY time we split the party. One of the characters is a doppelganger.

21) Alchemical silver is underrated
22) So are Caltrops
23) So are ALL grenade-like weapons
24) Never cast Sound Burst if you're standing in the center of the party, even if you ARE surrounded by wolves

Damn ninjas. Umm, so next person, you're on 29.

RagnaroksChosen
2009-01-13, 10:20 AM
29) Small steal Mirrors, the infinite uses.
30) always blame it on the Arcane caster, they usually can get out of a bind better.

BRC
2009-01-13, 10:26 AM
31) If it's shiny, loot it
32) If Fire is not the solution, you arn't using enough of it.
33) Barbarians, Always invest in a Masterwork Halfling Rogue to throw at your enemies.
34) All small-sized casters, if the meatsheild offers to let you ride on their shoulders, do so!

valadil
2009-01-13, 10:45 AM
35. NPCs are walking bags of experience. Collect 'em all before the other PCs do!

Canadian
2009-01-13, 10:55 AM
All taverns must be walked into.

D Knight
2009-01-13, 10:57 AM
36. if its not nailed down and a flame loot it.

37. everything has value like the npc life

Pie Guy
2009-01-13, 12:01 PM
38. When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

39. EVERYTHING is flammable.

40. There is no such thing as too little XP.

RandomLunatic
2009-01-13, 12:02 PM
41: If it ain't nailed, it's yours. If you can pry it up, it ain't nailed down.

42: Don't panic.

43: Remember your towel.

44: You do not need to outrun the monsters, just the Dwarf.

45: If the DM asks 'Are you sure?' the correct answer is 'No.'

46: If the major NPC suddenly becomes a lot less irritating, he has been replaced by a shapeshifter.

47: Trust nothing and nobody.

Oracle_Hunter
2009-01-13, 01:21 PM
(48) If you are ever are in a tavern, ask if there are any girls. If so, declare that you want to "do" them. It always ends well (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHdXG2gV01k&feature=related).

(49) If you have a huge sword, you don't need social skills. If you rely upon dudes with big swords to survive, you do.

(50) Let the Wookie win.

PinkysBrain
2009-01-13, 02:10 PM
(51) if you are missing something, the party rogue took it

(52) free treasure is only missing because the party rogue swiped while "looking for traps"

D_Lord
2009-01-13, 02:23 PM
53. Never interrupt the BBG monologue. Unless you like him to blast you.

ondonaflash
2009-01-13, 02:32 PM
54. (One of the original rules I forgot to include and when I do codify this I'll have to cut out repeats)EDIT When faced with two paths, always choose the one which appears the most like the wrong way. After all, all the right way gets you is a big fight. The wrong way has all the treasure.

Lycanthromancer
2009-01-13, 03:08 PM
54. (One of the original rules I forgot to include and when I do codify this I'll have to cut out repeats) When searching a dungeon go the wrong way FIRST.

55. Unless 'the wrong way' involves certain death.

56. Beware lone NPCs. The fewer of them there are in any given group, the more likely they can kick your ass.

57. If you see a kobold, run. Because those crafty li'l buggers can kill even high level groups without gaining any levels. And they don't even have to be anywhere nearby to do so.

58. If #57 does not apply, the DM is doing it wrong.

59. If you see something unexpected, DISBELIEVE.

Tacoma
2009-01-13, 03:28 PM
#60: The best defense is not a high AC, it's not being attacked in the first place.

#61: Kill one monster at a time, everyone at once. A monster with 1 HP left causes just as much damage as one with full HP.

#62: Never underestimate barrels of cheap oil.

#63: Enact your plans a little at a time, small in scale and in effect, until the plan is accepted as successful by the DM. Then put it into full action.

Narmoth
2009-01-13, 04:05 PM
38. When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Nice one :)

Zeful
2009-01-13, 04:10 PM
64. Enchanting the Rogue to do what you want is at best a bad idea, at worst, roll a new character.

Darth Stabber
2009-01-13, 04:13 PM
65) Just when you think you have a handle on how the world works some new splat book will create a new form of magic and make shrug and say WTF.

66) as a Coralary, Always buy any new splatbook as soon as it comes out so you can be the one to confuse the GM, instead of the other way around.

edcalaban
2009-01-13, 04:23 PM
66) Never anger the face in a town.

67) Never anger the king if you can't kill him.

68) If the enemy seems ready for you, back off before sending in the mobile protein barricades.

69) The easy way is always trapped.

70) If it glows, it's either treasure or explodes.

Tacoma
2009-01-13, 04:27 PM
66) Never anger the face in a town.

67) Never anger the king if you can't kill him.

68) If the enemy seems ready for you, back off before sending in the mobile protein barricades.

69) The easy way is always trapped.

70) If it glows, it's either treasure or explodes.

70a. Explosive treasure is the best treasure.

Iku Rex
2009-01-13, 04:45 PM
71. If it moves, attack it.
72. If it doesn't move, attack it. (In case it was thinking about moving.)

D Knight
2009-01-13, 04:45 PM
71. If a great red wrym is attacking run the other way screaming like the japanies

Heliomance
2009-01-13, 04:48 PM
72. If the treasure is in the same room as a statue, bind the statue as securely as you are able before approaching the treasure.

73. No matter how long your rope is, it's 10 feet too short.

BendakStarkiler
2009-01-13, 05:06 PM
73. Never udder the words “Well if you’re all to afraid, I have 103 hit point I’ll open the chest.”

74. Always bring bowstrings.

ondonaflash
2009-01-13, 06:32 PM
75. Apply the inverse ninja law to any enemies you meet: The fewer there are the tougher they are.

Doomsy
2009-01-13, 07:09 PM
73A: Law of Disproportion. If you are outnumbered, they are probably mostly mooks. If you outnumber them, you are probably about to get the hell beat out of you.

74: Anyone 'who looks unarmed' should be treat like they are carrying a multiple megaton nuclear warhead in their back pocket.

75: There is no social trap nor diabolical plan so clever that you cannot solve by just stabbing the cunning evil bastard in the face in front of the public and running like hell.

75A: When invoking 75, be prepared for both expected and exceptionally unsporting consequences from Behind The Screen.

76: It is not considered haggling when you have weapons drawn.

77. Fire is your best friend. Use it at all times.

Lycanthromancer
2009-01-13, 07:21 PM
82. Any wizard worth his Intelligence modifier is damned near impossible to kill. And even if he's dead, he won't be for long. Never tick off a mage.

83. If your goal is to assassinate a famous spellcaster, find every way possible to dispose of his remains, imprison his soul, and erase his memory from the annals of history. Even then you might want to sleep with one eye open, surrounded by guards, and nestled snugly in an antimagic field. In fact, it is heartily suggested that you never sleep again.

84. Hamsters and their pet humans are generally Chaotic Nuts. Stay far away.

85. Always kill the mage first. Priest second. Thief third. If there are no other targets (including pets), go after the meatshield. But only if you have nothing better to do. Haven't they suffered enough already?

86. There are no dead-ends in a dungeon. There's always a secret door.

87. The contingency spell is your friend.

88. Fighters are like black holes for XP and gold. If one has managed to muscle its way into your group despite your protestations, turn it into something embarrassing, dump it in the nearest well, and find a better class of adventuring companion. Like a riding dog.

89. Don't sell your magic items at the local Magi-mart. You'll only get screwed on half-price items. Open your own store and sell for full price instead. And then craft, craft, craft your own magic items. You'll be much happier (and much more effective) that way.

90. Have your party's rogue attempt to sneak attack any treasure chests you come across. If he damages it, it's a mimic. KILL.

91. A well-minmaxed bard is a thing of beauty. Or horror. Or both.

92. Never look a gift-horse in the mouth. Especially if its mane and forelocks are on fire. It will bite off your face.

93. If you ever decide to become a paladin, don't wait for the DM to screw you over with the 'should I kill the orc children while raiding a village?' problem. Be proactive. Give your adventuring party ample reason to find taking prisoners and upholding your code as monetarily satisfying as possible. Build orphanages that double as income-generators (disguised as training centers for future careers). Build humane prisons where you work your prisoners' debts to society off and that grant you a healthy chunk of gold in the process. Make your world a better place, one gold piece at a time.

94. Always call dibs on the "magic d20" (you know the one; it's the die that always rolls in your favor).

95. Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit, KILL THE WABBIT! Kill the wabbit! It's probably vorpal.

scsimodem
2009-01-13, 07:22 PM
78. Magic can solve any problem.

78a. If something is immune to magic, it's still not immune to the variety of objects which may be created and then thrown by magic.

Rutskarn
2009-01-13, 07:24 PM
77.b. When in doubt, use fire, violence, or both.

79. There will be an occasion in which all of your past misdealings, trickery, chicanery, lawbreaking and opportunism will catch up with you.

Deal with this in the same way you have dealt with problems in the past.

Zeful
2009-01-13, 07:38 PM
79. If your goal is to assassinate a famous spellcaster, find every way possible to dispose of his remains, imprison his soul, and erase his memory from the annals of history. Even then you might want to sleep with one eye open, surrounded by guards, and nestled snugly in an antimagic field. In fact, it is heartily suggested that you never sleep again.

It's not that hard. Kill (the hardest part), Soul Bind, then give to a deathrow inmate and Trap the Soul the inmate. Then wait 200 years. The caster is now unraisable except through DM Divine fiat.

Alternatively, Throw the gem into a bag of holding them cut the bag the gem is now Lost Forever.

Shadowbound
2009-01-13, 07:43 PM
80. Make sure you kill them before you take their stuff.

Asheram
2009-01-13, 07:53 PM
72. If the treasure is in the same room as a statue, bind the statue as securely as you are able before approaching the treasure.
Oh, I have a lot of experience with thatone.

96. Never trust the person paying for your services. Noone who can afford you is completely innocent.

97. Don't hold grudges against people trying to kill you, they're often just doing their job.

98. Do hold grudges against people stealing from you; that's getting personal. And they often have more than just your money in their pocket if you want some interest on that 'loan' of his.

99. Don't be rude to people unless you're quite confident that you can kill them, their friends, their friends friends and whomever they'll pay to assist them.

100. Noone likes a neutral personae, the joyful person who treats everyone to drinks and the miserable person who drowns his sorrow will both be ignored when the hunt is on for suspicious people who just entered the town.

FMArthur
2009-01-13, 08:11 PM
101: Ignore every one of these rules if the DM knows them well.

chiasaur11
2009-01-13, 08:25 PM
102) Ignore 101. It lies.

103) Remember, adventurers are RICH. If you can't bribe the local bandits into working for you, the WBL is all messed up.

104) And if you need to spend money, then you really need to be focusing more on diplomacy. If the entire town isn't willing to obey your slightest whim, you're doing it wrong.

d13
2009-01-14, 12:11 AM
105) Never, EVER, trust the BBEG who gives up on a Fight.

106) If the BBEG uses a big Sword/Axe, something is wrong with the DM

106a) Or it is a Cleric with Proficiency Feats
106b) Or it is a Wizard with Proficiency Feats
106c) Or the DM houseruled something he COMPLETELY didn't tell you.

Mushroom Ninja
2009-01-14, 12:18 AM
Live by the sword, die by the sword. Play a caster. :smallbiggrin:

107) Never trust a DMPC...

ondonaflash
2009-01-14, 12:27 AM
Live by the sword, die by the sword. Play a caster. :smallbiggrin:

Or to quote a notable ranger, with a miniature giant space hamster as an animal companion: "Live by thee sword, live a good looong time!"

Mushroom Ninja
2009-01-14, 12:28 AM
Or to quote a notable ranger, with a miniature giant space hamster as an animal companion: "Live by thee sword, live a good looong time!"

I was playing that just today. Good times.

FinalJustice
2009-01-14, 12:32 AM
108) In case of DMPC, don't EVER let the DM know you are planning to kill him and take his stuff (108.1 You are going to plan to kill him and take his stuff). Avoid plotshield at all costs;

109) In case of Antimagic Field or Disjunction, liberally apply cheese. Go nova if you must. Shapechange into epic monsters. Make it a point that, once such shenanigans are pulled, things get dangerous;

110) In case of an unavoided disjunction, make it a point to roll the will save for everything you've got. Compare the item's save with yours. EVERY SINGLE ONE. After the whole thing is done, proceed with 108;

111) The encounter is NOT over until the damned Frienzed Berseker makes his will save to leave frenzy, or fails his save against whatever you threw at him to stop him.

Zeful
2009-01-14, 01:18 AM
109) In case of Antimagic Field or Disjunction, liberally apply cheese. Go nova if you must. Shapechange into epic monsters. Make it a point that, once such shenanigans are pulled, things get dangerous.
109.1)Anything you can do the DM can do better, faster, and more often. Remember that.

112.)You are outnumbered N to 6, where N is at least a six digit number.

Avilan the Grey
2009-01-14, 01:56 AM
... #45 is the Win.

#113: Remember that a level 0 commoner is the toughest SOB in the world. He survives living in Spider-infested forests, Umber-hulk infested hills, Werewolf-infested plains and anywhere else where you can't move a yard without a random encounter that can seriously kill a level 10 fighter.

#114: If the fighting rules involves bodyparts, always aim for (one of) the head(s) or if possible any large gem inserted in forehead, or chest etc...

#114a: If you are facing a hydra, just use Fire. But you'll do that anyway, right?

Bayar
2009-01-14, 02:16 AM
#114b: Unless it is a 5 headed hydra on fire ! Then you use alchemists frost. Preferably dumped from a flying carpet.

horseboy
2009-01-14, 02:28 AM
3. Small kindnesses often reap big rewards.
#115 Great kindnesses will reap big punishments, as inevitably the target of such kindnesses will be a shapeshifted cubi/drow/mind flayer/vampire/werecritter/...
#116 Never trust an NPC the DM introduces. They're there to kill you.
#117 When the person who hires you asks for the artifact, do not give it to them. This is especially true when they say something like: "Quickly, hand it over." They're just going to use it to destroy the world.

shadowfox
2009-01-14, 03:20 AM
#118) Always know what your spell does before casting it... Casting Fire Trap, assuming that it traps fire, in the middle of the tavern that's on fire, is not the right course of action. (Plus, the DM is probably going to make you pay for your stupidity.)

#119 a.) If you're ever asked to solve a mystery, know that it's always the person that told you the mystery that's behind it.

#119 b.) That is, unless your DM knows you know rule #118 a., in which case he or she will find someone else that caused it, just to screw with you.

Zeful
2009-01-14, 03:28 AM
#118) Always know what your spell does before casting it... Casting Fire Trap, assuming that it traps fire, in the middle of the tavern that's on fire, is not the right course of action. (Plus, the DM is probably going to make you pay for your stupidity.)

#119 a.) If you're ever asked to solve a mystery, know that it's always the person that told you the mystery that's behind it.

#119 b.) That is, unless your DM knows you know rule #118 a., in which case he or she will find someone else that caused it, just to screw with you.

119.c) Unless your DM took the effort to actually plot out the murder, that you could have prevented in hindsight. And is pulling the party's collective strings to actually get them to think "outside the box".

120) Attempting to "helpfully" yell out the answer to the story arc, before it starts, tends to ruin the DM's fun and story, placing you and the party several levels and several thousand gold behind were you would have been had you followed the "rails".

Waspinator
2009-01-14, 04:41 AM
121: There is nothing you can't accomplish if you have vision, determination, and a giant magical robot with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

Eloel
2009-01-14, 04:48 AM
122- If someone or something says "You. Shall. Not. Pass.", maybe you really shouldn't.

Epic_Wizard
2009-01-14, 05:12 AM
53. Never interrupt the BBG monologue. Unless you like him to blast you.

53a. Unless it's with something that will negate the need for a second shot on your part.

53b. Remember that the DM worked hard on his plot exposition, that talking is a free action, and that this leaves all sorts of nasty in place as a readied action should you interrupt the plot exposition.


78. Magic can solve any problem.

78a. If something is immune to magic, it's still not immune to the variety of objects which may be created and then thrown by magic.

78b. Spell Resistance does not apply to the floor, ceiling, surrounding objects, or other items which are also all viable targets for you Lightning Bolt spell.

79c. Remember that falling damage only caps by distance, not weight and that creation spells cap by volume not weight. Also Lead weighs a hell of a lot.

(I wish to point out at this point that Asheram jumped us ahead 15 in the count)

123. Anyone who can't think of a dozen ways that their plan can blow up in their face is either at the safest point in the marching order or isn't thinking hard enough.

123a. These two conditions are often synonymous and curing one often cures the other.

124. A Gate spell will open to any point you designate which happens to include under that large pile of lead bricks/barrels of Alchemist's Fire/lead bricks with exploding Runes inscribed on them/other stuff that you left in the basement of your fortress when you went adventuring in the outer planes.

125. Abusing the build of a caster is easy. Abusing core spells in unexpected ways that are almost completely within the rules and allow you to do insane and unexpected things takes finesse, talent, and a really good relationship with your DM so that he doesn't kill you when you kill off his monster with massive Spell Resistance using a spell it could have resisted if you had only bothered to target it instead of the ceiling.

126. Anything with animal intelligence can not escape from a Maze spell so when facing a Druid this should be high on your list of "things I have prepared"

127. Never assume that you remembered the monster's entry correctly. Even if you did.

128. If you DM falls into a predictable pattern never abuse this for you own gain unless you can minimize the backlash and you intend for things to get VERY interesting very fast.

129. Never ask your DM if you can gain proficiency with another creature as a weapon. If he lets you do it then he is planning to use it against you and if he doesn't then he will be watching for other shenanigans.

130. Anything you actually manage to steal from the party rogue should be returned as quickly as possible and preferably without his knowledge

Thanatos 51-50
2009-01-14, 05:18 AM
131> When the party rogue hands you the missions from a "Source who wishes to remain anonymous", its the local Thieve's Guild.

132> The Rogue is the party treasurer. If he isn't, he is, anyway.

Avilan the Grey
2009-01-14, 05:36 AM
#133: You will not be able to interact, stop or prevent a scripted event. Don't even try.

#134: The only women who wears less of, or more revealing clothes than female adventurers are, in order:

4: Evil Sorceresses / Priestesses
3: Female vampires
2: Succubi,
1: Truly TRULY evil sorceresses / Priestesses

#134a: Halfing women will always wear sensible clothing.

#135: No village, town or city will be able to, by themselves, no matter the size of their militia, guard or army defeat any threat. At all.

Cheesegear
2009-01-14, 06:13 AM
136. The antidote is actually marked 'Poison'. The bottle marked 'Antidote' is a quadruple dose of poison.

137. The DM wouldn't put a monster - even a friendly one - in front of you if he didn't think you couldn't handle it, right?

138. The party's default plan should be 'Run Away'. If this isn't the normal plan, the DM isn't doing his job right.

139. The ability to speak to squirrels is not to be laughed at. No. Never. Not even then.

140. Anything with a weird hair/eye/skin colour, is a polymorphed creature. Usually a Dragon of some kind.

141. The BBEG is Scrying on you. Always.

Avilan the Grey
2009-01-14, 07:12 AM
#142: "Unique Character" does not mean "Drow".

#143: Be careful when freeing damsels in distress. If her captor seem to be in any way fearful of her, or of the prospect of her being set free, don't. You will only be eaten. Or having your soul ripped out. Or both.

Leon
2009-01-14, 07:20 AM
Leave No Door Unbroken

bosssmiley
2009-01-14, 10:01 AM
"I disbelieve" is always worth a try.

Saph
2009-01-14, 10:06 AM
144. There's always someone more powerful than you.
145. If you don't think there's anyone more powerful than you, keep a safe distance from the rest of the party. They'll be more likely to resurrect you afterwards.
146. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.
147. Avoid cute little children at all costs.
148. Don't brag about how tough you are. It draws fire.
149. Don't draw fire. It irritates everyone around you.
150. Don't open coffins. Only stupid people open coffins.
151. Do not stand and trade full attacks with anything that has more than three natural weapons. This goes double for dragons.

- Saph

Avilan the Grey
2009-01-14, 10:24 AM
#152: If someone promises you immortality, that one will be true to his or her word. And you will regret it until the stars are swallowed by Cowthulu.

Epic_Wizard
2009-01-14, 11:58 AM
139a. The ability to speak to squirrels is not to be over used and when one is using it one should not attempt to employ them to find ANYTHING that is not food or could be mistaken for food. No not even then.

153. Remember all city based adventure hooks that don't lead out of the city will inevitably end or take you through the sewers and/or a warehouse. Plan accordingly.

154. If a city based adventure fails to take you through the sewers or a warehouse then pay attention to where it does take you as this will probably be important later in The Plot.

Waspinator
2009-01-14, 12:42 PM
155: Everything can be air-dropped at least once.

chiasaur11
2009-01-14, 01:53 PM
139a. The ability to speak to squirrels is not to be over used and when one is using it one should not attempt to employ them to find ANYTHING that is not food or could be mistaken for food. No not even then.



139b) Remember: You are not Doreen Green. Squirrels are just looking for a chance to betray you. Don't give them that chance.

156) If the DM pulls out a Tarrasque, you get out a batman wizard. He pullds a CoDzilla, you get out Pun-Pun. That's the Chicago way.

Asheram
2009-01-14, 03:35 PM
(I wish to point out at this point that Asheram jumped us ahead 15 in the count)



What? Oh dear. My apologies. I could've sworn I saw a rule #95 there somewhere before my post. My most sincere apologies.

horseboy
2009-01-14, 03:42 PM
#157 If one of the party is being worshiped or made king by a remote village. They plan to sacrifice you.

Pie Guy
2009-01-14, 04:22 PM
139b) Remember: You are not Doreen Green. Squirrels are just looking for a chance to betray you. Don't give them that chance.


I need to sig this, I've been attacked by squirrels.

158) Everything that isn't nailed down and on fire is loot. Take it at your leisure.

159) Always make sure that you check ransacked houses. Many looters are to lazy to follow #158.

Epic_Wizard
2009-01-14, 04:50 PM
155: Everything can be air-dropped at least once.

160. When the going gets tough the tough summon close air support.

woodenbandman
2009-01-14, 08:31 PM
91. A well-minmaxed bard is a thing of beauty. Or horror. Or both.


+1, or if you built to do that sort of thing, + 10d6.

d13
2009-01-14, 08:54 PM
161. Unless otherwise specified, if the narration is guiding you SPECIFICALLY to that place, is because of the storyline.

162. Not following rule 161, 98,7% of the time makes the DM remember his Allmighty Fist of Above the Heavens... And use it on your character.

Waspinator
2009-01-14, 10:39 PM
161. Unless otherwise specified, if the narration is guiding you SPECIFICALLY to that place, is because of the storyline.

162. Not following rule 161, 98,7% of the time makes the DM remember his Allmighty Fist of Above the Heavens... And use it on your character.

Seriously. It's usually for the best to go in the direction of the rails and be able to have some choice along the way of how you follow them than to have to be brute-forced on to them in the first place. One of the things that a player has to realize is that most DMs are not able to infinitely improvise. If you try to go to a region where they have not even planned out the map, you're going to have trouble.

Curmudgeon
2009-01-14, 11:02 PM
163) Fully 5% of all encounters will be with overwhelming odds against you. Learn to run away; it's easier than generating new characters.

ondonaflash
2009-01-14, 11:05 PM
Seriously. It's usually for the best to go in the direction of the rails and be able to have some choice along the way of how you follow them than to have to be brute-forced on to them in the first place. One of the things that a player has to realize is that most DMs are not able to infinitely improvise. If you try to go to a region where they have not even planned out the map, you're going to have trouble.

As a DM I find that the easiest places to run adventures in are, of course, dungeons. Towns are tricky because you never know what the players might do, but that makes them more fun, possibly more fun than dungeons even. Wilderness is my Achilles Heel. Its hard to map, its hard to track, its hard to come up with random encounters. So anyways:

163. The shortest distance between two points is a single encounter. (They discuss this in OOTS)

d13
2009-01-14, 11:18 PM
You were awesomely ninja'd with the number xD.

165. If the fully-progressed fighter overshadows you, you are doing it completely wrong.

166. Always trust you Cleric's "hunches" (or dreams, or whatever)... ALWAYS.

166a. If something bad happens to you, you can make him pay the full resurrection cost.

166b. And you can blame him/her xD.

167. In addition to the feat "Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Halfling Rogue), ALWAYS carry a 10 feet stick and a bit more of rope. You never know when traps need to be springed...

Waspinator
2009-01-14, 11:24 PM
As a DM I find that the easiest places to run adventures in are, of course, dungeons. Towns are tricky because you never know what the players might do, but that makes them more fun, possibly more fun than dungeons even. Wilderness is my Achilles Heel. Its hard to map, its hard to track, its hard to come up with random encounters. So anyways:

163. The shortest distance between two points is a single encounter. (They discuss this in OOTS)

Dungeons are used for a reason. They're basically adventure flowcharts that control the order of an adventure.

Knaight
2009-01-14, 11:53 PM
160. When the going gets tough the tough summon close air support.

168. The enemy of your enemy is your enemy's enemy. No more, no less.

Lycanthromancer
2009-01-15, 12:00 AM
169. Doors are treasure, not obstacles.

170. If the door is made of adamantine, cannot be taken off its hinges, and cannot be unlocked or time hopped, just break down the nearby wall. There's a room behind it somewhere, and it wouldn't be there if you weren't supposed to ransack it, would it?

171. Never play a character that's gay, even if you are. Homosexuality apparently doesn't exist in any campaign setting. Except lesbians. Lesbians are EVERYWHERE.

172. Undead are inherently evil. Even though negative energy is inherently neutral. And many are mindless automatons. And others are good-aligned.

173. All drow are Chaotic Good rebels casting off the unwarranted reputation of their kin. ALL OF THEM. And they dual-wield panthers, or something.

174. Every inn has a dark corner reserved specifically for Mysterious Strangers™. I think they hire someone specially to adjust the ambiance.

175. Female characters apparently get a Cha bonus to AC, but only if they wear almost nil. How else can you explain chain mail bikinis?

176. All characters must adhere to their respective stereotypes. All barbarians must wear loincloths and speak without proper grammar, and all rogues must be devious kleptomaniacs, under penalty of dismemberment. Trying to be *edgy* by being "different" just means you're trying to damage the status quo, and must be squelched.

Superglucose
2009-01-15, 12:28 AM
177) Shoot first, then shoot again. At this point you may begin asking questions.
178) The first question you should probably ask is, "Who did I just kill?"
179) Always make sure to write down the loot on YOUR character sheet, and make sure to deal with all your sales and purchases with the GM in a side conferance.
180) Make the announcement that you're selling the loot quietly to the GM during a heated argument amongst the other players.
181) Be sure to give the party at least a pittance so they, as players, actually believe they're getting a fair share of the treasure.
182) Always always ALWAYS sit closest to the GM.

RandomLunatic
2009-01-15, 01:17 AM
177) Shoot first, then shoot again. At this point you may begin asking questions.

177a: Shoot first, cast Speak with Dead later.

183: If it is worth killing, it is worth overkilling.

Avilan the Grey
2009-01-15, 02:31 AM
#184: Don't rely on one or two spells. "Summon Bigger Fish" works well the first two times... Then you'll run into an Ogre that wears a "Protection against Bigger Fish +10" ring. Or something.

Oracle_Hunter
2009-01-15, 02:54 AM
#185 - Always seek Refuge in Audacity (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RefugeInAudacity).

If it works, you will have won in the most satisfying way possible. If it fails, well at least you'll have a good story to tell. Besides, if it's amusing enough your DM might give you situational bonuses :smallbiggrin:

Cheesegear
2009-01-15, 05:08 AM
186. When the DM asks "What do you guys want to do?", the correct answer is "We explore the prepared content."

Thanatos 51-50
2009-01-15, 05:30 AM
186. When the DM asks "What do you guys want to do?", the correct answer is "We explore the prepared content."
186a.) Other correct answers include "I look for plot hooks and bite them" and "I go the the tavern and scope the area for Mysterious Strangers in dark corners"

evil-frosty
2009-01-17, 12:12 AM
187) Always have the dwarf go first and if nothin bad happens send the thief.

Thanatos 51-50
2009-01-17, 12:14 AM
188> When you are given no obvious direction, always "roll a spot check for plot hooks."

Waspinator
2009-01-17, 12:29 AM
189: Always be aggressive during contract negotiations.

"You dare insult me with such an offer? By the blood of my ancestors, Agar the Reaver will not stoop to shill for a lite beer!"
-Xcrawl

RandomLunatic
2009-01-17, 12:37 AM
190: It is not necessary to outrun the monster, just the slowest party memeber.

zakk2to2
2009-01-17, 12:46 AM
192. if you go down a hallway and there arn't any traps found theres a hidden door

193. in trapless hallways the hidden door will have god level traps just to make up for the otherwise lack of them

Thanatos 51-50
2009-01-17, 12:47 AM
190: It is not necessary to outrun the monster, just the slowest party memeber.

First Corralary: Never be a Halfling or Gnome Fighter

zakk2to2
2009-01-17, 01:18 AM
194. if it has a price its loot
195. extradimensional space is your friend take the bag of holding 1 over the magic sword
196. if when you leave a house it can support itself theres still loot left in it

Heliomance
2009-01-17, 08:00 AM
194. if it has a price its loot


194 a. If it doesn't have a price, but you have a good bluff check, it's loot.

D_Lord
2009-01-17, 02:46 PM
195. Always get a cleric to help clean what ever the BBG was wearing after you kill him.

zakk2to2
2009-01-17, 05:40 PM
195 a. if your cleric cant clean sell to someone that cant detect the evil junk.

Tyrmatt
2009-01-18, 01:49 PM
Or to quote a notable ranger, with a miniature giant space hamster as an animal companion: "Live by thee sword, live a good looong time!"

"Sword! Meet Evil! Evil? MEET MY SWORD!!"
Minsc + Lilacor (Intelligent +2 2H sword) = Hilarity!

196: Everything is a weapon. Rocks, doors, obscure item you got 10 levels ago as part of an obscure pre-adventure profession. EVERYTHING!

In my case it happened to be a bottle of diethyl ether. I smashed it in a guy's face, doing horrific scarring and knocking him out.
Then I stood on his neck til he stopped breathing. My guy was supposed to originally be a mild mannered student of science...

Nightson
2009-01-18, 07:44 PM
197. Always check the ceiling, always.

Nahal
2009-01-18, 08:39 PM
197a. And the walls, alcoves, floors, curtains, and everyone's shadow. Twice.

198. There is no such thing as too much paranoia. The minimum level of paranoia is directly related to the GM's IQ and deviousness.

Myou
2009-01-18, 08:53 PM
199. If you ever encounter a lone, defenceless NCP deep in a dungeon then stab them in the face.

Assassin89
2009-01-18, 09:14 PM
200. If for any reason the background changes, you are headed for a fight.