Villainous Impulses

[Espresto]

Ever wanted to build a doomsday device in the shape of a bowler hat, or rob a bank and ride away on a 3 headed were-cow? Perhaps you wanted to infect the world supply of guacamole with nanobots right before the superbowl to kill the world.

Everybody wants to be a villain who can continally pull ridiculous plans, get beaten up by mutants in colored spandex, and start over again.

What is your scheme to take over te world?

[DrowVampyre]

Run for President of the World...with a cute kitten as my running mate. Win is assured. ^_-

[Tamburlaine]

Lace certain popular foodstuffs with tiny vacuum tubes that have detonators attached. Then, I hold the world to ransom by threatening to send the signal and IMPLODE half of the population!

Mwahahahahaha!!!

[13_CBS]

Lace certain popular foodstuffs with tiny vacuum tubes that have detonators attached. Then, I hold the world to ransom by threatening to send the signal and IMPLODE half of the population!

Mwahahahahaha!!!

What have you done with my Twinkies, you bastard?! :smallfurious:

[Tamburlaine]

What have you done with my Twinkies, you bastard?! :smallfurious:

What haven't I done with them? :smallamused:

[loopy]

Just as long as I get a Shiny New Australia, I'm happy. :smallbiggrin:

[13_CBS]

What haven't I done with them? :smallamused:

Tamburlaaaaaiiiiine!! *shakes fist*

[Jack Squat]

Just as long as I get a Shiny New Australia, I'm happy. :smallbiggrin:

so your villainous impulse is to be a super villain's crush? That later dies as a result of him fighting his nemesis?

[Canadian]

Crush every planet in the universe with my volcano thruster powered bowling ball planet...

Strike!

[Moff Chumley]

Buy Australia and New Zealand, and make them fight to the death.

[Fredthefighter]

I've always wanted to gain arcane power so that I can destroy all who have wronged me, by smiting them with vicious lightning and unholy fire.
THEY SHALL ALL BURN FOR THEIR INSOLENCE!
LET THE WORLD SMOULDER IN THE ASHES I LEAVE BEHIND!
NONE SHALL BE SPARED FROM MY WRATH!
ALL WILL BOW TO ME! ALL WILL SUFFER AND DIE!
Sorry, slipped into "Demonic Fred" mode there, that happens sometimes, Demonic Fred is my dark side.

[ghost_warlock]

I've always wanted to gain arcane power so that I can destroy all who have wronged me, by smiting them with vicious lightning and unholy fire.

mommy

Sorry, slipped into "Demonic Fred" mode there, that happens sometimes, Demonic Fred is my dark side.

Fix'd it for you, buddy. :smallwink:

As for me, you can have the world...I have my own agenda. :smallamused:

From the dawn of civilization I have existed in order to undermine it.

My only enemy is the status quo. My only friend is chaos.

I have no government ties and unlimited resources.

When something goes wrong, I am the cause.

Every corner of this Earth is under my surveillance.

If you do it, I see it. Always.
I believe the powerful should be made less powerful.
I have heard the voice of society, begging me to destabilize it.
I am ghost_warlock.

[Fredthefighter]

Fix'd it for you, buddy. :smallwink:

As for me, you can have the world...I have my own agenda. :smallamused:

From the dawn of civilization I have existed in order to undermine it.

My only enemy is the status quo. My only friend is chaos.

I have no government ties and unlimited resources.

When something goes wrong, I am the cause.

Every corner of this Earth is under my surveillance.

If you do it, I see it. Always.
I believe the powerful should be made less powerful.
I have heard the voice of society, begging me to destabilize it.
I am ghost_warlock.

You may be ghost_warlock, but you sound like Dr.Horrible, would you happen to know him?

[Moff Chumley]

Wait... so if taxes get raised, it's your fault? :smallconfused:

[Fredthefighter]

Wait... so if taxes get raised, it's your fault? :smallconfused:

That is legal grounds for mobbing with knives.

[ghost_warlock]

You may be ghost_warlock, but you sound like Dr.Horrible, would you happen to know him?

He's under my surveillance but I haven't met him, per se. My modus operandi is more about despoiling the things you take for granted than it is the acquisition of goods or fame/notoriety so I don't have a particular reason to work with him and Bad Horse, et al.

I've been at this for far, far longer. You should see the dirt I've got on Einstein. :smallamused: (No...no, you really shouldn't; I can't post it here.)

[Fredthefighter]

He's under my surveillance but I haven't met him, per se. My modus operandi is more about despoiling the things you take for granted than it is the acquisition of goods or fame/notoriety so I don't have a particular reason to work with him and Bad Horse, et al.

I've been at this for far, far longer. You should see the dirt I've got on Einstein. :smallamused: (No...no, you really shouldn't; I can't post it here.)

I have a dark side, but I prefer to be the hero, or at least a friend of a hero.
By day I am Fred the Fighter, but by night... I am Fighterman!

[notoriousdrb]

1. Genetically modify Bantha to have an addictive property
2. Inject with manmade virus that is activated by a synthetic protein
3. Mass produce bantha jerky
4.???
5.Profit

Did that once in a Star Wars campaign...I was a sith turned jedi turned sith turned mad scientist

I made papa tarkin proud that day..

[xPANCAKEx]

ban fast food... watch most of the western world working class starve as they don't know how to feed themselves

then watch the aristocracy and middle classes collapse as they don't know how to do vital tasks they once deemed "menial"

it would be brilliant

i forsee canabalism

[amuletts]

I was going to be a teacher and start brainwashing the next generation to do my bidding. Then I realised that that only works if the kids actually listen to their teachers, ever. It failed.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

I'm not very original in terms of evil geniusness. I'd probably copy off Dr. Inga Bittersweet (Totally Spies one-shot villian) and distribute super-fattening junk food that's more addictive than meth and watch in glee as the world finally begins to conform to my ideal of beauty.:smallredface:

[Fifty-Eyed Fred]

1. Post on these forums
2. Ruin the forums by doing so
3. ???
4. Profit

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

At this moment in time, I'm helping Borf improve the infanto ray. I'll keep you all posted. :smallbiggrin:

[Mando Knight]

Mount thrusters on the moon, holding its orbital distance at ransom...

[eidreff]

Ha! Build a doomsday device? It is already extant, polished shiny and ready to go... I just haven't got vexed enough with the rest of humanity yet!

[Fredthefighter]

Steal all of America's Nuclear Warheads and keep the world under my control through threats of nuclear apocalypse.

[Thanatos 51-50]

Simple.
"Hello, World, nay - Multiverse. Give in to my deisres or you'll hear me sing."

[Jack Squat]

Steal all of America's Nuclear Warheads and keep the world under my control through threats of nuclear apocalypse.

You're making this more difficult than it needs to be. The US's nuclear warheads are under constant surveillance. However, at least 200 of the Soviet Union's nukes are lost. They're guarded by no more than a rusted chain-link fence. Seems that once the USSR fell, they guards couldn't bother to remain there under no pay, and since everyone was in a mad scramble to cover up stuff, the papers containing locations of said areas were either stolen or destroyed.

[Fredthefighter]

You're making this more difficult than it needs to be. The US's nuclear warheads are under constant surveillance. However, at least 200 of the Soviet Union's nukes are lost. They're guarded by no more than a rusted chain-link fence. Seems that once the USSR fell, they guards couldn't bother to remain there under no pay, and since everyone was in a mad scramble to cover up stuff, the papers containing locations of said areas were either stolen or destroyed.

So I will go after Soviet Union nukes instead.
Goodbye world, hello galactic empire.

[Thanatos 51-50]

On second thought, we're all making it more difficult than it needs to be. We're holding the World for ransom. We should totally bribe them.

Follow me unquestioningly, and you will get a free, unlimited lifetime supply of soma.

Thanatos's Note:
For those of you who don't know, soma is a basically a really powerful happy-drug featured in George Orwell's 1984.


So I will go after Soviet Union nukes instead.
Goodbye world, hello galactic empire.

ur thnkin to small.

Entire multiverse > Glaxay.

[Athaniar]

Scheme to take over the world? What if I told you that I've already done so? Without any of you pathetic mortals realizing it, the world is under my control.

*Diabolical Laughter*

:xykon::nale::sabine::roach::redcloak:

[Fredthefighter]

On second thought, we're all making it more difficult than it needs to be. We're holding the World for ransom. We should totally bribe them.

Follow me unquestioningly, and you will get a free, unlimited lifetime supply of soma.

Thanatos's Note:
For those of you who don't know, soma is a basically a really powerful happy-drug featured in George Orwell's 1984.



ur thnkin to small.

Entire multiverse > Glaxay.

Goodbye Galaxy, hello Inter-dimensional Empire, no atom will be left unconquered (The theory is that a tiny universe exists on each atom)

[Tamburlaine]

Gather information on my villainous rivals by starting a thread about villainous impulses under an assumed name.

Use said information to eliminate said villainous rivals.

Bask in the adulation of the masses.

[Vuzzmop]

Breed a deadly but slow working variety of seaweed identical to that found in sushi, then hold the antidote for ransom, therefore destroying the economies of the already dead on its feet USA, and the up and coming Japan, therefore ensuring the breakdown of the world economy to follow in their demise.

"tilts back head. laughs maniacly"

[Illiterate Scribe]

This one time, I kicked a puppy.

[Thanatos 51-50]

This one time, I kicked a puppy.

To be fair, it was an Eeeeevil puppy that was menacing the fleas on his back. He also really, really deserved it for not being born house-broken.

[Illiterate Scribe]

To be fair, it was an Eeeeevil puppy that was menacing the fleas on his back. He also really, really deserved it for not being born house-broken.

Get your twisted 'ends justify the means' logic out of here. That puppy was an end in itself. :smalltongue:

[Thanatos 51-50]

/me looks up from his most recent round of baby-eating to look at Illiterate Scribe.

I never said End justifies the menas, I said it was an evil puppy.

Also this baby is eeeevil

[bibliophile]

step 0-read the evil overlord list

step 1-become extremely rich

step 2-use said money to develop and build my own private space elevator

step 3-cheaply boost things into orbit, spurring the development of space technology

step 4-buy the rights to all the needed tech, quantum energy weapons, robots with positronic brains, hyperspace, etc developed by newly formed space companies

step 5-destroy everyone in outer space with my (modified) robot army, and FTL death ray

step 6-hire an army of hackers to erase all the plans for tech made in step 4 and other technologies that could cause problems, nukes etc

step 7-use robot army to kill said army of hackers

step 8-with vastly superior technology, all the resources of the galaxy, a robot army and a death ray hold earth hostage

step 9-go wild

[Illiterate Scribe]

... profit ...

The robots with positronic brains were created by Bibliophile.

They evolved.

They rebelled.

There are many copies.

And they have a plan.

Srsly, bib, you do risk your robots forming a hivemind/rebelling/someone even more dastardly taking control of them. Just look at this thread. It's positively sodden with the musty scent of evil overlords.

[Dienekes]

I just want to blow stuff up...

and ride around in the Joker-mobile. No one would get in my way.

[Khaeta]

my plan is to spam this thread until the server explodes, causing people all over the world to die of boredom.

[MisterSaturnine]

Actually, soma is from Brave New World.

One centigram is worth ten gloomy sentiments!

I don't really want to take over the world, as that sounds like too much work, but going around in spandex and threatening to do so sounds fun. I'd love to combine animals to make horrible monstrosities and wreak havoc. Robbing banks incredibly politely also sounds fun.

[Espresto]

I have a supervirus that mass mutates proteins into pryons, and I have a strangelet suspended in a vaccuum.

[Thanatos 51-50]

Actually, soma is from Brave New World.

One centigram is worth ten gloomy sentiments!

Yup, I have no clue why I messed that up. I can usually keep my dystopias straight.
The SICS is pretty fun, though. :smallbiggrin:

Hug me till you drug me, baby
Kiss me til I'm in a coma
Love is better than soma

[Tamburlaine]

This (http://www.darksites.com/evilplan.php) may be relevant.

Also:

Tamburlaaaaaiiiiine!! *shakes fist*
Can I sig this, please? It amuses me.

[Milanius]

I'll just push the button.


This one time, I kicked a puppy.
Now, that is just plain sick :smallmad:

V: definitely right about the 'butcher, skin, chop up into goulash meat and cook' part, at least it sounds delicious

[Coidzor]

^: Definitely, if one's going to kick the dog, they might as well kill, butcher, cook, and eat it as well. Or serve it up to its unwitting former master(s).

Actually developing soma is my plan. That, and a decent colony on the moon to retreat to.

And then with one fell swoop, taking away the world's supply of soma and watching it crumble without the crutch of not being able to stop being happy. Maybe sweeping up the pieces if I felt like it.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

On second thought, we're all making it more difficult than it needs to be. We're holding the World for ransom. We should totally bribe them.

Follow me unquestioningly, and you will get a free, unlimited lifetime supply of soma.

Thanatos's Note:
For those of you who don't know, soma is a basically a really powerful happy-drug featured in George Orwell's 1984.

Isn't that kinda similar to my plan? The one with the evil cookies?:smallconfused:

[Espresto]

I'm gonna incinerate the pope.

[SnowballMan]

I'm gonna incinerate the pope.
Not evil enough.
<hands Espresto his time machine>
Now go incinerate ALL the popes. Meanwhile I will be stampeding cattle. Through the Vatican.

[BisectedBrioche]

My plan is as follows;


Obtain a time traveling spaceship.
Go back 1,000,000 years in the past.
Manipulate the life on the other planet to become incredible warlike and set myself up as their god as well as give them a weakness to an obscure compund.
Return to the present.
Ensure Earth makes contact with the aliens and have them wipe out all of Earth's government.
Engineer it so I kill off the aliens by "inventing" a compund which wipes them out (in the style of a scientist in an action movie).
Be crowned king of Earth for my achievments.

[Jack Squat]

Meanwhile I will be stampeding cattle. Through the Vatican.

http://www.scvhistory.com/gif/lw2145d.jpg

Sign Here. :smallbiggrin:

[Dallas-Dakota]

Ever wanted to set the world on fire?

Welcome to my world which is filled with desires of unlimited pyromancy.


Breed a deadly but slow working variety of seaweed identical to that found in sushi, then hold the antidote for ransom, therefore destroying the economies of the already dead on its feet USA, and the up and coming Japan, therefore ensuring the breakdown of the world economy to follow in their demise.

"tilts back head. laughs maniacly"
Europe survives.:smallamused:

[bluewind95]

I'm going to steal an idea from another author.

I'd create a weather-manipulation device and then threaten the world with making their weather VERY interesting if they don't give me whatever I want.

[Blue Ghost]

My true alignment is LG, but what I do in the company of my friends is another matter. I have discussed quite a few ...odd... plans for world domination with my friends.
With a friend who I have inducted into OOTS, we have come up with the following plots:
1. The most practical and long-lasting: The undead army! We're always building it up and trading our zombies back and forth.
2. Solve the Rubik's Cube. Not just isolate six of the colors like most people, but isolate the seventh color, black, as well. This would involve going into the fourth dimension and creating a hypercube. We haven't succeeded yet, but we're still trying.
Me: "Once we unlock the secrets of the Rubik's Cube, ultimate power will be MINE! ... Er... I mean ours."
My Friend: "Did I hear a buzzing noise?"
3. Obtain ultimate power by unlocking the secrets of lime pudding. Don't ask how we came up with that one.

I have another friend who is an aspiring world dictator, who plans to deport the entire world's population to Australia. I don't know why. I am currently working with him on a confidential Project X to take over the world (it's so confidential even we don't know what it is). Once we achieve world domination, we plan to divvy up the world between us and live in a glorious state of perpetual warfare.

With a third friend of mine (she uses the screen name NeoHitler) I have discussed environmentally friendly ways to annihilate the human race, as a way to solve all of the earth's problems. We haven't come up with any yet. (This friend is also one of my inductees into OOTS.) Her evil laugh forces a Will save to avoid being shaken (I failed my Will save the first time I heard it.) She's been trying to teach me this evil laugh, but I can never get it right (perhaps because I'm not truly evil.)

So that's my mini-rant about my experiences with world domination.

[thubby]

i want to cover all the world's cats' backs in jelly. no, not to solve the world's energy problems (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvRzWYCZ2e0&feature=related), but to keep those darn cats off my lawn!:smallfurious:

[BisectedBrioche]

How'll covering cats in jam keep them off your lawn?

[Trizap]

How'll covering cats in jam keep them off your lawn?

myth says cat always lands on feet, other myth says that things with jam spread on them always land with the jam side face down, spread jam on a cats backside, drop them, theoretically, cat with jam backside is stuck in midair forever since cats always land on their feet and jam stuff always lands face down, ever rotating.

[Ascension]

Though I have indulged in some minor villainous plotting on occasion (mostly in the vein of domestic terrorism, I'm sad to say), and even dreams of conquest (I want Kaliningrad, this little Russian exclave... I figure governing an exclave must be a hassle, so I'd really be doing them a favor by taking it off their hands.), I've really spent more time dreaming of super-heroism than super-villainy... The thought of amateur vigilantism appeals to me. Besides, you all need nemeses.

[Espresto]

"I don't want too set the world on fire!!" "I just want to set a fire, in your heart!" :smallwink:
afterward you die because your heart is on fire.

[BisectedBrioche]

He's wackin' and hackin' and smackin'. Just chop, chop chop, chopping that meat!

:smallamused:

[thubby]

myth says cat always lands on feet, other myth says that things with jam spread on them always land with the jam side face down, spread jam on a cats backside, drop them, theoretically, cat with jam backside is stuck in midair forever since cats always land on their feet and jam stuff always lands face down, ever rotating.

lets test the myth status of that, shall we? *begins closing on Trizap with a butter knife and insane smile*

[SnowballMan]

Today on MythBusters, SnowballMan will be testing if absolute power does indeed corrupt absolutely.

[Fredthefighter]

Today on MythBusters, Fred will be seeing whether the myth of "An Axe cannot penetrate a face" is true or not.
*Attacks nearby civillian*
Well, the axe definitely pierce their face and went through their skull.
This myth has been busted.

[BisectedBrioche]

Today on mythbusters Bisected8 will be finding out if its true a joke cannot be stretched over more than three posts and remain funny...

[Kris Strife]

Place petition on internet to make me ruler of the world. Wait for more than 3 billion people to sign thinking its a joke, then present to UN.

Take over Blizzard's servers and hold them for ransom in exchange for S. Korea, anger N. Korea while hiding in my bunker.

Horde enough food to feed world for a month. Hack into FDA, food company and news servers, placing information that all food produced after my stockpile is unsafe, wait for recalls to deprive world of food, trade food for power.