RAF XXI - The War of the Roses

[Zar Peter]

RAF CLASSIC XXI - The War of the Roses

This game is identical with Silkenfist's game, “Ready Aim Fire!”. Thank you Silkenfist for the idea.This is RAF Classic, the original, free-for-all RAF game. You can find Team RAF, the team-based variant of this game in the Forums when Lord Herman decides to continue the series.

The main rules (spoilered because I think most of the people know them already):

You have to decide between three actions:
1) Shoot the air –> Nothing happens. If you get shot you die.

2) Shoot [insert player name here] –> [insert player name here] dies if he did not shoot himself.

3) Shoot yourself -> if no one tries to kill you, you die! If someone shoots you this player will get killed instead of you and you live!

For better understanding here is a link to Lord Herman’s “comic for better understanding the rules of Ready Aim Fire”. (http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/Instructions.png)
You have about three days to PM your action to the narrator (=me!). I will announce the submission date in the Narrator Posts.I will post the end of the round and start writing then, no PMs will be accepted after the end of the round post.If you miss a date once you shoot the air. If you miss a date twice in a row you get autolynched.

So and now: YAY! It's back. If you wonder about the number: Since I saved Silkenfists games I renumbered the Classic games and merged them altogether.

Here is the Hall of Fame:

{table=head]Game number|Game title|Winner|number of contestants|Narrator
RAF I | The First | DarkLightDragon | 14 contestants | Silkenfist
RAF II | The godfather legacy | B-Man | 8 patrons | Silkenfist
RAF III | Pirates | Bookman | 12 Pirates | Silkenfist
RAF IV | Ghost Town | Alarra | 16 cowboys | Silkenfist
RAF V | Thawing Glaciers | Bookman | 17 caveman | Silkenfist
RAF VI | The last flight of the Hermes | Deckmaster | 20 Hackers | Silkenfist
RAV VII | Hideyoshis Messanger | DarkLightDragon | 27 shinobi | Silkenfist
RAF VIII | Boonta Eve Memorial | DarkLightDragon | 28 Rebels | Silkenfist
RAF IX | Tainted Gold | Krursk | 32 treasure hunters | Silkenfist
RAF X | Year of fourty emperors | Krursk | 39 senators | Silkenfist
RAF XI | Banquet Arcana | Shadow | 43 wizards | Silkenfist
RAF XII | Worms | Inky13112 | 37 worms | evnafets
RAF XIII | Zombie Attack | Destro_Yersul | 39 Zombies | evnafets
RAF XIV | The Giant Playground | Almighty Salmon | 37 kids | Zar Peter
RAF XV | Doctor, we have an emergancy | Shishnarfne | 36 doctors | Mordokai
RAF XVI | The Great American Cross Country Road Race | Fleeing Coward | 30 drivers | Zar Peter
RAF XVII | Playground Idol | Phase | 26 singers | Zar Peter
RAF XVIII | Playground Festival | Fleeing Coward | 18 celebrators | Zombie Pixe / Dallas Dakota
RAF XIX | On the turtles back | Freshmeat | 32 Ankh-Morporkians | Uncle Festy
RAF XX | Firefly | undisclosed | 40 Flies | Thanatos
[/table]

Here is the autonotify list from the last game for the next game:

Banjo1985
Dallas-Dakota
Destro_Yersul
Dirk Kris
Draken
Fin
Fredrikus
Freshmeat_
Frigs
Inigo Montoya
jurgenVW
Lord_Herman
Numberfourteen
Raeden
Recaiden
Reinholdt
Shadow
thanatos5150
Thes Hunter
Uncle Festy
Vampiric
Xnadia

They will be informed as soon as the thread is up.

Sign up ends on Friday, the 6th February 2009.

Oh, and theme is England, about 1453, War of the Roses. Henry VI is weak, just lost the war with France and has no heirs. You want to be King. No matter how.

[Uncle Festy]

First in! :smallbiggrin:
Oh, and don't bother PMing me. :smallwink:

[UncleWolf]

I'm in. filler

[Deathslayer7]

sure why not :smallsmile:

[Lord Herman]

I'm in, as a peasant with no claim to the throne whatsoever, who has decided to kill absolutely everyone so he can become king.

Now let's hope this narrator isn't as lazy as that guy who runs Team RAF. :smalltongue:

[St.Sinner]

I'll play too.

[Reinholdt]

In as an encoded secret message.

Because I like to be the oddest things I can in these games and still kill something.

[ThePhantom]

In, as the white rose

[Zar Peter]

I'm in, as a peasant with no claim to the throne whatsoever, who has decided to kill absolutely everyone so he can become king.

Now let's hope this narrator isn't as lazy as that guy who runs Team RAF. :smalltongue:

I hope so, too.
Everyone who doesn't claim a role will be random assigned to one.

And autonotifys have been sent now.

[Fin]

In, as Lord Herman's shoe! Yeah, figure that one out!

[jurgenVW]

I'm in, just give me a role.

[Destro_Yersul]

In, once again as Death.

[Mordokai]

In, don't really care about the role.

*shoots Herman*

What? The game hasn't began yet? Well, darn :smalltongue:

[Dallas-Dakota]

IN!
How could I have missed this thread for so long?

So no need to send the autonotify PM this time.

[Thanatos 51-50]

And let us also pray that this thread is not beset by the difficulties that attack'd the narrator for the LAST RAF CLASSIC game.

Man, that guy was a jerk.

I'll be in, as a Time-Traveler from the distant year of 500 B.C.

He heard that this king guy gets lots of food and women, he wishes to put his spear to the test!
WAAAGH!

[Mordokai]

Fine, I'll be time police guy, hunting thanatos :smalltongue: :smallbiggrin:

[Zar Peter]

And let us also pray that this thread is not beset by the difficulties that attack'd the narrator for the LAST RAF CLASSIC game.

Man, that guy was a jerk.

I'll be in, as a Time-Traveler from the distant year of 500 B.C.

He heard that this king guy gets lots of food and women, he wishes to put his spear to the test!
WAAAGH!

Time-Traveler from 500 B.C.??? Well, that was unexpected. Maybe he fled from Attila the Hun... Or he was one of the last Romans who occupied the British Isle and found an ancient machine from the Aztecs they lost 1000 years ago when they were conquering Finland... :smallbiggrin:

[Dr. Bath]

In as the Queen of Hearts!

King of Hearts! King of Hearts. I meant king.


Orf with their heads!

[Murska]

from the Aztecs they lost 1000 years ago when they were conquering Finland...

And failling miserably, I might add. :smallwink:

[Dallas-Dakota]

Hey, they were the first multi-continental empire......They gave it a good first spin.

And oh uhm, I suppose I'l be the cow king, which has decided that cows, toghetter with llamas and monkeys, despite that the latter two aren't native to britland, are to rule Great Britain.
But in reality, he's just a disguised merchant from the Netherlands who wants to sell more dairy products....

[Copacetic]

In. That's all, folks!

[Thes Hunter]

In as a crap farmer.

How do you know that he is a King?

He hasn't got any crap on him.

[Vampiric]

I'm being repressed!

And are you a crap farmer, or a crap farmer... :smalltongue:

[Kyouhen]

Oh! I wanna join! I'll be a time-travelling lawyer travelling back in time to slap Mordokai with a police brutality lawsuit for what he's about to do to Thanatos. :smallbiggrin:

[Zar Peter]

The cast so far:

{table=head]sign up number|player|claimed role
1 | Catseye2121 |
2 | Dallas Dakota | Netherland Merchant
3 | Uncle Festy |
4 | Wolfbane |
5 | deathslayer7 |
6 | Lord Herman | peasant on killing spree
7 | St. Sinner |
8 | Reinholdt | encoded secret message
9 | The Phantom | white Rose
10 | Fin | Lord Herman's shoe
11 | jurgenVW |
12 | Destro_Yersul | Death
13 | Mordokai | Time Travel Hunter
14 | Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC
15 | Dr. Bath | King of the Hearts (Alice in Wonderland)
16 | Frigs |
17 | Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer
18 | Kyouhen | Time travelling lawyer
[/table]

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

In as a Suspicious Used Horse Salesman.

I've got some very nice horses for you all.

[Fan]

In as the angry Fire brething dragon who got dimension switched from high fantasy Europe, and doesn't feel like getting killed by the weak, pink, fleshy things.:smalltongue:

[Uncle Festy]

By the way, I'm CMOT Dibbler.
Just so we're clear. =D

[UncleWolf]

I'll take Werewolf as my role.
(obviously)

@V: Now I know who you will be hunting.

[Deathslayer7]

put me down as angry mob with pitchforks and torches please and thank you. :smallsmile:

^: *sharpens pitchfork* huh? you say something? :smallconfused::smallamused:

[Fan]

I'll take Werewolf as my role.
(obviously)

@V: Now I know who you will be hunting.

Theres plenty of canidates for hunting. i mean just look at Lord Hermans shoe!
That thing growled at me yesterday.:smalltongue:

[Fin]

I'll take Werewolf as my role.
(obviously)

@V: Now I know who you will be hunting.

Yeah, you better believe she isn't the only one you should be worried about!

[Zar Peter]

Hmm... maybe if the next iteration is called "The Werewolf Fight" people are discussing how to become the king of england. :smallbiggrin::smallcool:

[Dallas-Dakota]

The cast so far:

{table=head]sign up number|player|claimed role
1 | Catseye2121 |
2 | Dallas Dakota | Netherland Merchant
3 | Uncle Festy |
4 | Wolfbane |
5 | deathslayer7 |
6 | Lord Herman | peasant on killing spree
7 | St. Sinner |
8 | Reinholdt | encoded secret message
9 | The Phantom | white Rose
10 | Fin | Lord Herman's shoe
11 | jurgenVW |
12 | Destro_Yersul | Death
13 | Mordokai | Time Travel Hunter
14 | Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC
15 | Dr. Bath | King of the Hearts (Alice in Wonderland)
16 | Frigs |
17 | Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer
18 | Kyouhen | Time travelling lawyer
[/table]
I'm not some dutch merchant! I'm the cow king!
Drat! How did he find me out so fast?
Though just portray me as cow king, untill I'm killed, then reveal me to be a dutch merchant. K? Would most certainly appreciate it.

[Zar Peter]

I'm not some dutch merchant! I'm the cow king!
Drat! How did he find me out so fast?
Though just portray me as cow king, untill I'm killed, then reveal me to be a dutch merchant. K? Would most certainly appreciate it.

Noted... if I remember till the start of the game :smallbiggrin:

[TFT]

I shall be... a british cat
Now I need to figure out how to make the cat British...

[Lord Herman]

I think 'Last person in line of succession' fits my role better than 'peasant on killing spree', Zar Peter. After all, aren't we all on a killing spree? :smalltongue:

[Zar Peter]

Well, you could all just shoot the air.
Would be boring but no one get's hurt...

[Helgraf]

Well, since RAF Firefly seems to have gone completely belly up...

I'll just transmigrate my role. One bunch of priggy mudders is as good as another 'slong as the pay is good. (Jayne Cobb)

[Uncle Festy]

By the way, I'm CMOT Dibbler.
Just so we're clear. =D

Reposting to get noticed.

[Zar Peter]

Yes, already noticed.

Helgraf: What was your role in Firefly? I'm sorry, till RAF XX I never heard anything of this.

And here is the updated player list. Game starts in 24 hours!

{table=head]sign up number|player|picked role
1 | Catseye2121 | British Cat
2 | Dallas Dakota | Cow King (Netherland merchant in disguise)
3 | Uncle Festy | CMOT Dibbler
4 | Wolfbane | Werewolf
5 | deathslayer7 | angry mob with pitchforks and torches
6 | Lord Herman | last person in the line of succession
7 | St. Sinner |
8 | Reinholdt | encoded secret message
9 | The Phantom | white Rose
10 | Fin | Lord Herman's shoe
11 | jurgenVW |
12 | Destro_Yersul | Death
13 | Mordokai | Time Travel Hunter
14 | Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC
15 | Dr. Bath | King of the Hearts (Alice in Wonderland)
16 | Frigs |
17 | Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer
18 | Kyouhen | Time travelling lawyer
19 | Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins | Suspicious Horse Salesman
20 | FF fanboy | angry Fire breathing dragon who got dimension switched from high fantasy Europe, and doesn't feel like getting killed by the weak, pink, fleshy things
21 | Recaiden | signed up via Facebook...
22 | Dirk Kris |
23 | Helgraf | In his role from Firefly...
[/table]

[Dirk Kris]

OK, I wanna be a drug-addled Axl Rose!

[UncleWolf]

OK, I wanna be a drug-addled Axl Rose!

Is there any other kind?:smallconfused:

[Helgraf]

Yes, already noticed.

Helgraf: What was your role in Firefly? I'm sorry, till RAF XX I never heard anything of this.

Jayne Cobb.

[Inigo Montoya]

Add me! As an oblivous American tourest.

[The Bushranger]

Count me in! As yet another time traveler, this time a guy with a Cessna O-2 with underwing rockets...

[Zar Peter]

Sorry, laggy forum prevented game start yesterday...

The War of the Roses (not historically correct)

England 1453. Henry VI was ill. England just lost France, the country has fallen out and his wife Margret knocked him down with a rolling pin. It couldn’t get worse, he thougt.
Suddenly a dragon popped up, looking very angry and burnt the king in one strike. Then he setteled down in the Tower of London, because, well, it was a Tower and there was gold in the cellar.

Somewhere else in England the Lord of Lancaster picked up a red Rose and said: “Everyone who is with me in the fight against York shall wear a red Rose.”
And the Lord of York, who was standing beside him picked up a white Rose and said: “Ouch, I just prick myself… damn, that hurts! Anyway, everyone who’s with me in the fight against Lancaster should wear a white Rose.” And then he sucked at his thumb. Two weaks later he died of blood poisoning. But the white Rose was looking for his next vicitm…

In the east, north, west and south of England suddenly Time travellers popped up, searching for each others but were distracted by mud farmers, angry mobs, cows and Jayne Cobb. Don’t ask about him.

And in an unknown hut somewhere in the middle of nowhere a man was working on an evil plan. He was the last person in the line of succession to heir the throne of England. Everyone had to die, to make him king. It would be a long and difficult journey but he was prepeared to take the risk… and his shoe was prepared, too.


The game begins and. These are the players and roles:

{table=head]sign up number|player|picked role
1 | Catseye2121 | British Cat
2 | Dallas Dakota | Cow King (Netherland merchant in disguise)
3 | Uncle Festy | CMOT Dibbler
4 | Wolfbane | Werewolf
5 | deathslayer7 | angry mob with pitchforkes and torches
6 | Lord Herman | last person in the line of succession
7 | St. Sinner |
8 | Reinholdt | encoded secret message
9 | The Phantom | white Rose
10 | Fin | Lord Herman's shoe
11 | jurgenVW |
12 | Destro_Yersul | Death
13 | Mordokai | Time Travel Hunter
14 | Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC
15 | Dr. Bath | King of the Hearts (Alice in Wonderland)
16 | Frigs |
17 | Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer
18 | Kyouhen | Time travelling lawyer
19 | Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins | Suspicous Horse Salesman
20 | FF fanboy | angry Fire brething dragon who got dimension switched from high fantasy Europe, and doesn't feel like getting killed by the weak, pink, fleshy things
21 | Recaiden | signed up via Facebook...
22 | Dirk Kris | drug addled Axl Rose
23 | Helgraf | Jayne Cobb
24 | Inigo Montoya | oblivious american tourist
25 | The Bushranger | Time traveller with Cessna o-5 with underwing rockets
[/table]

You have 72 hours from now to send in your actions, if the forums are down you may send them in via e-mail: [email protected]

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

May I interest you in a horse, only slightly used by the Lord of York? I assure you it was his, very famous horse, very valuable. I can safely say that it can see perfectly, and definately has all it's shoes, as you can see for yourself--no, that's not cardboard there. And this fine horse can be yours, for a mere pittance of... [large sum of era-specific money here].

That's a bargain for such a one-of-a-kind celebrity equine, you know.

[ThePhantom]

Idiot, how am I going to rule England if all my puppet rulers keep dieing on me.

[Lord Herman]

May I interest you in a horse, only slightly used by the Lord of York? I assure you it was his, very famous horse, very valuable. I can safely say that it can see perfectly, and definately has all it's shoes, as you can see for yourself--no, that's not cardboard there. And this fine horse can be yours, for a mere pittance of... [large sum of era-specific money here].

That's a bargain for such a one-of-a-kind celebrity equine, you know.

Do you accept kingdoms?

[Fin]

Do you accept kingdoms?

*does nothing biding its time on the speakers foot until the time is right, the time is right for killing!*

[Kyouhen]

"Angry mob! I beseech thee! Let us begin a class action lawsuit against Death for reasons I may not tell you because it would mess with the timeline if you were aware of what's about to happen!"

[Helgraf]

"What in the gorram hell is goin' on here?!"

"Oh come on Mal ... I only sold them out a little. No need to go dumping me on some backwater mudworld!"

"Guess I better find someone willin' to pay for the services of me, myself and Vera..."

Jayne puts on his hat, shoulders Vera and goes off in search of trouble work.

[Fan]

Unnamed, Fantasy Red dragon awakes to find himself n a unfamiliar, and decidedly non magical, and hordless cave..... Fantasy Red Dragon is not amused. :smallannoyed:

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Do you accept kingdoms?

Sorry, only cold hard [currency of your choice]. Too many kingdoms gets sacked in wartime.

No refunds.

[The Bushranger]

http://www.warbirdalley.com/images/o2.jpg

*flies over the English countryside, seeking out the pretenders to the throne - and blowing them up!*

...just don't ask where I'm getting the AVGAS from...

[UncleWolf]

The werewolf stood over the remains of the latest mob of villagers to attacked him.

Pitiful fools. Thinking that mere farmer's tools and clubs could kill me.

He feasted well into the night.

[Zar Peter]

I want to thank you all for the participation so far.

I need 4 actions, if you haven't send in yet please do so. You will get a reminder in about 2 hours, end of the round is in 24 hours from now or when I have all the actions.

[Inigo Montoya]

Meanwhile, an american is wondering the countryside.

Does anyone know where London is?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

I can sell you a very fine horse who definately knows the way to London for a mere [extremely inflated price].

[Dirk Kris]

Another American, this one quite...out of his senses, stumbles into the tourist. "Hey man - you're IN London!" He reaches out blindly for something that isn't there and pulls it towards his mouth - probably supposed to be a microphone. "How are you, LOOOOOOONDOOOOOON?!" He bursts into song. "Take me down, to the paradise city, where the grass is green, and the girls are pretty, take me home!"

[Zar Peter]

Time's up, prepare to die today or tomorrow.

[Zar Peter]

END OF ROUND 1

Please excuse all wording and grammatic mistakes and such, it was hard enough to write, I can't read it again... and I want to post it because it was fun to write. If something is unclear because of grammatic and/or wording please ask in the thread, I'm happy to explain (if I can)

The Cowking thought about his fate. Making money in England. With Cows. Sounded like a good idea. They have no cows, he had thought. That would be big buisness. So he spent all his money and bought 1500 cows. And sailed to England. The first response he got was: What a big sheep. But the wool is bad. I don’t buy it!
The next potential customer didn’t like that these funny horses were too slow. And too fat.
No explanation helped. Nobody wanted Cows in England. They didn’t know how to use them. It was depressing. So he travelled through the country, accompanied by his Cowboy Dirk Kris and the straying british cat Catseye. Maybe in Wales they could find some decent people who knew the qualities of fine Netherlandish Cows. As they camped near a cliff not far away from Cardiff something strange happened. Strange and mortal.

Near the cowcampingsite there was a “PLOP”. And then there was a Man. He was dressed in leather and was holding a primitive wooden bow. He called himself Ug. He didn’t know how he came here, the man with the iron hat was a bit frightned of him but as he touched his shoulder he suddenly felt ill and than he fell... and landed here. It wasn’t that bad here, the grass was green and not far away there was food. More food than he had ever seen before. He took his bow and shot. One Cow fell down. 1499 cows suddenly realized that there is something which killed them and run in one direction. Unfortunatley in that direction there was the camp of the Cowking, his Cowboy and his Cat. They were trampeled to death. But Ug was happy. He had enough food for the next month and with the leather he could make himself new shoes.
The first (and the last) satisfied customer of the Cowking...

The Dragon. Sitting at the top of his tower like... well, like a King. It seems that the house of Lords accepted the facts that the person who owns the throne is King and no one wanted to claim ownership... not since Lord Frigs tried to steal the throne out of the throne chamber. As the Dragon discovered the poor Lord Frigs pulled out a crossbow and fired in the Dragon in the face. The bolt didn’t move far, it melted before it could hit. And Lord Frigs? Well, let’s say even CMOT Dibbler couldn’t sell him afterwards. He would have tried, though. But about Dibbler later, the Dragon as King now.
The dead of Lord Frigs was a bit unsatisfying for the house of Lord but then they saw how the Dragon reacted on common problems like demonstrations. There was a small turmoil at the harbour when Convicts, lead by the brave St.Sinner, demonstrated for the right of free speech and church tax exemption. The Dragon would have negotiated about the free speech but less gold for his hoarde? Never! The demonstraters were blown away.
In the end the Dragon was officially allowed to stay in the tower (it wasn’t necessery to inform him about it since he already was there) and everyone was happy... until CMOT Dibbler sold a sausage in a bun to the Dragon. Well, he didn’t sell it, he gave him a free gift. Anyway, it was enough to make the Dragon belch. Half the city had to be evacuated, and Dibbler felt unconscious. He propably would have survived it but unfortunately a Time Travel Hunter, who just bought a sausage ina bun before the dragon was equiped with a breathing mask and survived the Dragon belch without any harm. And than he searched for the man who was resposible for his aching stomach. And as he found him laying on the street... he reanimated him. And then he forced him to eat every sausage he had in store. Dibbler didn’t survive this.

The King of the Hearts, Dr. Bath was angry. Very angry. All his servants were hiding somewhere but he will find them soon. Idiots! Stupid bastards! They knew he only wanted red roses in his garden and what’s this? A big shrubbery with white roses in them. Aaaaaaarrgghh!
Suddenly he heard a noise up in the sky, something strange and complete unfamiliar... it wasn’t a bird but it was flying, without moving it’s wings. And suddenly something from beneath he wings detached itself and flew alone... and it flew to the white rose shrubbery and exploded there. The explosion flang Dr. Bath to the ground and, much worse, it lifted the white rose shrubbery and buried him beneath. The thorns spiked and killed him.

Up in the sky Bushranger yelled. It was a succesful test, the next time he will hit his real target, whatever that was. Since the bright light caught him he wasn’t quite aware where his real target was. Or where he himself was. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because a Deux et machina in form of Jayne Cobb turned up, took his machine gun Lux and shot Bushranger out of the air. Jayne was payed by the narrator, who wanted to get rid of an aroplane in a medivial setting. Unfortunately the narrator now had the problem of a machine gun in a medieval setting... and just as he was thinking what he could do about that a noble Knight who saw all these unbelievable things saddled his horse, took a spear and rode against Jayne. Jayne’s machine gun was too loud as that he could hear the Knight approaching and so he was run through by a spear quite after he finished his payed job. Knight Recaiden though returned home to his maid and lived happily till the next round.

Oh, and I nearly forgot... the white roses, which finally killed the King of the hearts were alive... and waiting for it’s next prey.

In a town near Wesminster there were trial. The state England, represented the lawyer Kyouhen against Mr. JurgenVW. It was a fake trial, jurgen didn’t really do anything, the citizens just wanted to get rid of him and throw him out of the town. But thanks to the abilities of Mr. Kyouhen, who claimed that shooting into the air is hunting birds and birds are the property of the King (like everything else in the country) so jurgenVW is guilty hunting properties of the King which has to be punished with the death penalty. After a long debate about shooting in the air and hunting the judge gave up and jurgenVW was hanged at the next tree.

Lord Herman, a banned and outlawed noble, definately the last one in the line of succession to the throne of England had an cunning idea. Since he was the last in the line he had to kill everyone who came before him. So... why not begin with the crap farme over there? So he went to Thes and claimed “Hello! My name is Lord Herman. You killed my father. Prepare to die!” Thes looked up from her work. “But I didn’t kill your father.” “Not? But who... wait, this isn’t my line... wait a bit... ah, yes... Hello! My name is Lord Herman. You are between me and the throne. Prepare to die!” The Hunter looked around. “But there is no throne. And you could go around me to it without killing me.” “You mean... you step down? Without fight?” “From what should I step down?” “From the throne of England, of course. You would heir it before me so I had to kill you unless... well, I think you could sign a waiver. Yes, that should work, if you do that no one should die today.”
Just as Thes were turning to fetch a pen to sign the waiver they heard a dark voice “I DIDN’T COME FOR NOTHING. SOMEONE HAS TO DIE!” and with this words Death swang his scythe and cut Lord Herman in half.
An american tourist watched the spectacle and just as the lifeless body sank to the surface he saw a little piece of paper slipping out of his body. Curious he sneaked to the scene and picked up the paper. It was a small message, written in an unknown language. The tourist could only understand the headline: Lord Hermans secret weapon to take over the world. Not knowing the meaning of the other words he read out loud: “Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beierhund das Oder die Flipperwald gersput!” Death, still standing beneath the scene looked at the tourist „WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?“ “Well, I said: Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beierhund das Oder die Flipperwald gersput! Do you know the meaning?“ “WHAT? OH, YES. IT’S A GERMAN JOKE… WENN IST DAS NUNSTÜCK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GIT UND SLOTERMEYER! OH MY GOD! THAT’S SO FUNNY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” Death couldn’t keep it anymore, laughing he fell to the ground and laughed louder and louder till he exploded. Inigo Montoya, the american tourist stood a while looking puzzled, than he turned to Lord Hermans corpse “By the way, I have the feeling you stole my line. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Lord Herman was dead. But his shoe still was alive. Yes, his shoe. It wasn’t very pleasant being the shoe of the last person in the line of precession but being the shoe of a dead body was even more unpleasant. He wanted to kill something. Or someone. And the next person who came near was a Werewolf. So the shoe tried to attract the Wolf, lure him to his reach… he was successful. The wolf grabbed the shoe and played with it. Unfortunately the shoe had no idea how he should kill the wolf so his position was worse than before. And then suddenly an angry mob showed up and hunted the wolf. Although all of them were mounted the wolf could flee and let the shoe go. The angry mob, annoyed about the escape of the wolf took the shoe and burnt it. Then they turned their horses and tried to ride to their homes. But the horses were a cheap offer by an criminal salesman. They were trained to get rid of their owners and run back to their true master, Lord Fullbladder. So the horses threw their riders into a gorge and ran home.

[Zar Peter]

{table=head]Player | role | Action:
Catseye2121 | British Cat | Shoot self
Dallas Dakota | Cow King (Netherland merchant in disguise) | Shoot self
Uncle Festy | CMOT Dibbler | Shoot FF fanboy
Wolfbane | Werewolf | Shoot self
deathslayer7 | angry mob with pitchforkes and torches | Shoot Fin
Lord Herman | last person in the line of succession | Shoot Thes Hunter
St. Sinner | convict about to be shipped off to Australia | Shoot FF fanboy
Reinholdt | encoded secret message | Shoot Destro_Yersul
The Phantom | white Rose | shoot Dr. Bath
Fin | Lord Herman's shoe | Shoot Wolfbane
jurgenVW | victim | Shoot Air
Destro_Yersul | Death | Shoot Lord Herman
Mordokai | Time Travel Hunter | Shoot Uncle Festy
Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC | Shoot Air
Dr. Bath | King of the Hearts (Alice in Wonderland) | Time out
Frigs | Lord Frigs | Shoot FF fanboy
Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer | Shoot self
Kyouhen | Time travelling lawyer | Shoot jurgenVW
Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins | Suspicous Horse Salesman | Shoot deathslayer7
FF fanboy | angry Fire brething dragon who got dimension switched from high fantasy Europe, and doesn't feel like getting killed by the weak, pink, fleshy things | Shoot self
Recaiden | signed up via Facebook... | shoot Helgraf
Dirk Kris | Cowboy | Shoot self
Helgraf | In his role from Firefly... | Shoot Bushranger
Inigo Montoya | american tourist | Shoot Destro_Yersul
The Bushranger | Time traveller with Cessna o-5 with underwing rockets | shoot Dr. Bath
[/table]

Surviving players:

{table=head]Player | role
Wolfbane | Werewolf
Reinholdt | encoded secret message
The Phantom | white Rose
Mordokai | Time Travel Hunter
Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC
Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer
Kyouhen | Time travelling lawyer
Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins | Suspicous Horse Salesman
FF fanboy | angry Fire brething dragon who got dimension switched from high fantasy Europe, and doesn't feel like getting killed by the weak, pink, fleshy things
Recaiden | signed up via Facebook...
Inigo Montoya | american tourist
[/table]

Please send in your actions, you have 72 hours from now.

And if you didn't get Death's dead, here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdWWLjHVrvY

[Reinholdt]

I made it to round 2?
I made it to round 2!!
Whoo!!
Go secret encoded message, go! :smallcool:

[UncleWolf]

Take that Fin!
:smallbiggrin:

[ThePhantom]

Oh, good. Most of the fools are dead. Now just to last a little longer.

[Uncle Festy]

*shakes fist*
Khaaan! Mordokaaaai!

[Kyouhen]

Ah, another glorious victory for Kyouhen: Time Traveller at Law! Now to see who else needs to be sued...

[Deathslayer7]

I'll get you next time Fullbladder! You were my second rate villian choice, but your actions have bumped you down to third.

*shakes fist*

[The Bushranger]

Next time, Helgraf! Nexxxxt timeeee!

:smalltongue:

[Dirk Kris]

Srsly?
No one shot me?
I am amazed...

[Fredricus]

Please add me to the auto notify list

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

I'll get you next time Fullbladder! You were my second rate villian choice, but your actions have bumped you down to third.

*shakes fist*

Now I'm lower on your Favourite Villain list because I killed you in a very criminal fashion, after taking your money in an unfair transaction?

Yeah, okay. It wasn't that villainous.

YOU WERE A MOB! You were the perfect group to sell malfunctional horses to!

[Kyouhen]

I'll get you next time Fullbladder! You were my second rate villian choice, but your actions have bumped you down to third.

*shakes fist*

Y'know, in the future we can bring people back from the dead. I could file a lawsuit against him for you. :smallbiggrin:

[Fan]

Wow, awesome narration Zar.:smallbiggrin:

[Dr. Bath]

Curse you ghosts! CUURRRSEE YOOOOUUU!

[Zar Peter]

Time is up, I'm writing.

[Kyouhen]

Time is up, I'm writing.

Dun dun DUUUUUNNN!!!:elan:

[Zar Peter]

End of Round 2

I hope you enjoy...

The dragon was bored. The fleshy things seemed to have accepted him, they weren’t attacking at all. They weren’t around since he belched this one time. Very unpleasant. So he decided to take a look at his country. He stepped up, spread out his wings and flew from the tower up to the air. It felt so good, the fresh wind in the morning, the first sunbeams on his plates, the birds screaming in terror about his appearance… and than suddenly he realized the difference between a high magic enviroment and a normal enviroment. The only way dragons can fly is magic. And it isn’t their magic alone, it’s the magic in the air. Here was no magic in the air. Therefore the dragon couldn’t fly. Or he could. As wide as a stone, weighing two tons could. The hole he left in the ground was very impressive.

The white rose took a rest. So many people died on her thorns, she was pretty exhausted. She drank some water and ate a bit fertilizer and than she grew so fast, she literally shot in the air… (this was a narrator joke, sorry). And so she could have grown over the entire country if not…
The werewolf had a hidden hobby. At day, when the sun was bright in the sky and the full moon couldn’t be seen he was a gardener. He took care of his lawn, it was one of the most beautiful english lawn in the whole country. And we’re speaking of England here. No one who touched the lawn without permission of the wolf had very much time left to regret his decission. And suddenly the roots of a white rose could be seen. They dig over a little spot in Wolfbanes garden. The Weregardener was upset. He was… in rage. (Well, we’re talking about an english Werewolf gardener. His behaviour was… outstanding). First he cut back the root. Then he made sure that this root will never touch his lawn again. Avoiding the dangerous thorns he threw easy inflammable materials like dry wood, tar, peat and coal into the shrubbery. Then he burnt it down. Then he dig out the main roots. Then he burnt them down, too. And then he used the ash as fertilizer for his lawn.
The white rose was gone with the wind.

Hmm… an awkward scene. What do you mean with that? I mean… how awkward can you make self murder? Yes, you can make it very awkward, but the self murder of a secret message? “And then the letter sprang up to the candle and burnt itself.” And if someone shoots the letter? “Just when the letter sprang someone tried to grab it. Because of this the letter missed the candle, the one who tried to grab it fell on the candle and burnt himself.
Haha. Not funny. But awkward? I don’t know.
But the main problem is not that a letter can’t spring or that a letter can’t move at all. A letter, and that’s the main problem, can’t become King of England. No, it can’t become Queen of England, either. Sorry, no way. So, the narrator took the secret encoded message and tore it to tiny, tiny peaces. And then he burnt each piece. One after the other. Slowly. Very slowly.

Anyway, Lord Fullbladder. Yes, the excentric horse salesman (well, he’s a Lord so he’s excentric and not mad). His speciality is selling used horses to angry mobs so they can hunt their victims. Or, better, try to hunt their victims because the horses are trained to come back to their reall owner. The only problem with this method is: You can’t sell the horses to the same people twice. That would be fatal. And as Lord Fullbladder realized that he already has been in this village it was too late. The angry mob, a bit decimated, with bruises and broken extremities caught him before he could run away and hang him on the next tree. They sat him on his horse, slang the noose around his neck and then… they waited till the horse died under him. Due to the quality of Lord Fullbladders horses they hadn’t had to wait too long…

And today’s lesson: A excerpt of the diary of Thes Hunter: The funny and exiting life of a crap farmer. Enjoy.
15. July 1453. It’s a sunny day. The crap is growing fine. I met Mary Jane today at the dwell. She said that Peter’s fine and they just bought a new crap fertilizer yesterday. She told me that Vicky visited them yesterday and mentioned that Bruce and **** were quarreling because Alfred had a dirt stain on his jacket. Mary Jane meant maybe they should go to Lois’ laundry shop to clean it. By the way, Lois still can’t decide between Clark and Jimmy. While Clark is stronger and would be a better help in the daily crap farming work Jimmy is much more handsome and funny. Barry and Iris are still together although Lois said that Vicky heard Iris say it’s only because of the kids. And at last Oliver asked Dinah out today. Maybe they finally come together….

Mordokai was searching. This little man from 500BC… he broke nearly every law of time travelling. Travel without license, Travel more than 1000 years in a row without a 1 month stop at a time travel station… and worst, travelling without paying time travel taxes. He searched in London, Essex, Sussex, Wessex, and Nosex… Northumbria, of course. No sign. Now he was travelling through East Anglia, a wet and swampy countryside. No sign of the criminal.
Suddenly the inhabitants of a little village he was just passing by ran to him and asked him questions like: “Can you make light without fire?” (He showed them his flashlight), “Can you talk from another place?” (For this he used his MP3 player and hid it behind a shrubbery). The last question was: “Is the Sun revolving around the Earth or is the Earth revolving around the Sun?” He read his answer out of a little book, scientifically correct. Unfortunately he proved with his answers that he is an evil black magician who must be burnt at once. Ug, the new major of the town smiled. At last he got rid of this man who hunted him. Now he could concentrate on his real goal: Become the king of England.

And the time travelling star lawyer Kyouhen stroke again. In the case “The state of England against the ancestors of Robin Hood” he managed to sue a tax payback of 50000 silver pounds from a noble living in Northamptonshire. The noble wasn’t very pleased about this, though, but hey, that’s just the daily life in the courtroom.
Somehow he wasn’t very popular in Nottingham anymore, but it became really bad when he asked the local tax collector about his usual 10% court fees… the first time in the history the tax collector and the people of Nottingham worked together… on credit of the late star lawyer.

And our noble knight Recaiden. After defeating Jayne Cobb he felt strong enough to support the Duke of Summerset. It was a beautiful day in May 1455 when they rested in St. Albans and negotiated with the troops of Richard, duke of York. Suddenly, as Recaiden just drank his third not nonalcoholic drink in a local tavern, the duke of York decided to attack and surprised everyone. Needles to say the Yorkists won and Recaiden unfortunately was one of the 300 lancastrian losses… but the first one who actually died in the War of the Roses in this story.

And the American tourist walked around and did tourist things like buying T-Shirts, eating inedible, expensive local specialities and trying to communicate with the native population in his own foreign language, mostly by speaking very slow.

[Zar Peter]

Actions:

{table=head]player|role|action
Wolfbane | Werewolf | Shoot The Phantom
Reinholdt | encoded secret message | Shoot self
The Phantom | white Rose | Shoot Air
Mordokai | Time Travel Hunter | Shoot Air
Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC | Shoot Mordokai
Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer | Shoot Air
Kyouhen | Time travelling lawyer | Shoot self
Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins | Suspicous Horse Salesman | Shoot self
FF fanboy | angry Fire brething dragon who got dimension switched from high fantasy Europe, and doesn't feel like getting killed by the weak, pink, fleshy things | Shoot self
Recaiden | Noble Knight | Shoot self
Inigo Montoya | american tourist | Time out
[/table]

Surviving players:

{table]player|role
Wolfbane | Werewolf
Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC
Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer
Inigo Montoya | american tourist
[/table]

[UncleWolf]

Whoot! Round 3 baby!:smallbiggrin:

Nice touch about the garden.

[Thanatos 51-50]

Er.... Wow.
I'm alive?

I pity the narrator if I actually win...
Regardless, I'm the only time-traveller left.

Yay!

[Kyouhen]

*Looks at the history books*
Oh, right. Forgot about that part. Bugger.

[Reinholdt]

Hmm… an awkward scene. What do you mean with that? I mean… how awkward can you make self murder? Yes, you can make it very awkward, but the self murder of a secret message? “And then the letter sprang up to the candle and burnt itself.” And if someone shoots the letter? “Just when the letter sprang someone tried to grab it. Because of this the letter missed the candle, the one who tried to grab it fell on the candle and burnt himself.
Haha. Not funny. But awkward? I don’t know.
But the main problem is not that a letter can’t spring or that a letter can’t move at all. A letter, and that’s the main problem, can’t become King of England. No, it can’t become Queen of England, either. Sorry, no way. So, the narrator took the secret encoded message and tore it to tiny, tiny peaces. And then he burnt each piece. One after the other. Slowly. Very slowly.

Totally worth dieing for. :smallbiggrin: :smallcool:

[Zar Peter]

Just a little bump, I have all actions but I have to narrate a RL DnD session tomorrow so I don't have the time for a narration until Wednesday. Thank you for your patience.

[Zar Peter]

End of Round 3

Wolfbane was exhausted. The fight against the rose was pretty heavy and now that he won it he had to rest, no matter where. So he lay down between some herbs and began to snore.

Inigo Montoya and Ug were walking through the countryside, talking.
“So… you finally found the one who killed your father?”
“Yes, I followed him my whole live, but then, in a small village in Mexiko I found him. Six fingers on his hand, that was his mark. We fought each other and in the end I put my sabre directly into his heart.”
“Wow, impressive… where is this Mexiko you’re talking?”
“Ermm… far in the west. You will hear of it in about 40 years, I’m pretty sure. Although it will be called India.”
“Aha… are you a time traveller, too?”
“No, no… I’m a fictive movie character on holidays.”
“Oh… what’s a movie?”
“Running pictures. You know, like a laterna magica.”
“Never heard of this… but hey! Can you see this. A Vampire! It must be a vampire. He’s lying in a Garlic field. I… I stab him with this wooden stick here. Vampires are dangerous!”
“Hmm… he doesn’t look very Vampireish to me. But if you like… Can I take a shot of you while you’re doing it?”
“You wanna shoot me?”
“No, no… just a photograph.”
“What’s a photograph?”
“That’s a standing picture. Not moving at all, I promise! Just hold still while you are killing him.”
“But if I hold still I can’t kill him. I have to move my hand at last.”
“Sigh. Just hold still a moment. Take the stick, put it to his heart, take the hammer, hold the hammer up into the air, look at me and smile. I take a shot and than you can knock the stick into his heart.”
“Well, ok, the stick, the hammer, smiling…”
“No, not this way, this is a grimace. Try to smile naturally.”
…

While the american tourist and the timetraveller are preparing their picture we cut to a book presentation. The audience is… snoring. The reader, after 2 hours, finally came to an end.

“… and then Mary Sue and Lois complained about Peter’s lazyness but Sue Allen meant that they just jealous about John Ross. Jock and Eleanor still running the little farm in the south but they had so much troubles with their three sons, they nearly at the end of their nerves. But then Pamela arrived at the well and since I don’t talk with here anymore since she married Bobby I waved goodbye to Mary Sue and Lucy and went home. This was a very exiting day.”

The reader took a breath and cleared his throat. So loud that most of the audience woke up.
“Thank you. And now, Ladies and Gentleman, here is the the one who’s responsibe for the lines you just heard: Thes Hunter. Applause!”
The audience, at last the part which isn’t sleeping anymore, is getting a bit noisy…
“Thank you, thank you. And just for those who can’t get enough: I’m planning to write the incidents of the next two days, too. They will fit into three books, 450 pages each. It will be much more interesting with more cliffhanger and…”
Suddenly a man in the audience stands up.
“That can’t be! We can’t allow this! Follos me, dear fellow readers! Kill her! For literature!”
And the audience stood up and lynched Thes Hunter.

“So, lif the hammer higher… no, not that high. Naturally. A bit lower… not on your head… yes, yes… looks better… and now the stick… move it to his heart… it’s on his eyes now… yes, better… so, hold still! There is the birdie”

“FLASH”

The bright light causes two events:
First: Ug us blinded and can’t hit the stick anymore.
Second: Wolfbane wakes up and is a bit upset that a man is sitting on him holding a stick and trying to kill him. And, as it seems, he trottet on his lawn. With a move of his hand he quickly brakes Ugs neck and throws him out of his garden.
Then he stands up and looks at Inigo Montoya.

[Zar Peter]

Actions:

{table=head]player|role|action
Wolfbane | Werewolf | Shoot self
Thanatos5150 | Time traveller from 500BC | Shoot Wolfbane
Thes Hunter | Crap Farmer | Shoot self
Inigo Montoya | american tourist | shoot Thanatos
[/table]

Surviving players:

Inigo Montoya
Wolfbane

Round ends when I have the actions that will lead to an end and have the time to it...

[UncleWolf]

@Inigo:
Let me say this.

I do not have six fingers and I may not have killed your father.

[Deathslayer7]

woot! i got back at Fullbladder. :smallamused:

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Bet I still managed to sell most of them horses before they got me.

[Zar Peter]

Sorry, I was looking for a good story but didn't find any... anyway, a bit late but:


END OF THE GAME

Inigo Montoya and Wolfbane are looking at each other. Suddenly Inigo realizes why Wolfbane is looking that hatred... he was standing on his lawn. Just as he wanted to move a step back a bunch of riders appeared and run him over.
Wolfbane looked perplexed at his former lawn and tried to go to Inigo to finish what the riders began as suddenly another bunch of riders appeared, apparently chasing the others and running Inigo over again. Now Wolfbane got to Inigo, killed him fast and chased the riders who ruined his garden completely. As he caught them up the riders where just busy killing each other. One of them apparently lost his mount, he was screaming "A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!" Then Wolfbane cut his throat. The Weregardener rampaged amongst the riders until no one was left standing. Or alive.
A few minutes later another riders came who obviously were looking for something. Or someone...
"Where's King Richard? And Henry? And their bodyguards?"
"If you're looking for the barbaric garden murderers, they are lying over there."
"What? The king is dead? And his competitor, too? But what shall we do now, who will lead the country? Hmm... you look like Henry, a bit... what do you say about a job with high salary, not much to do and food inclusive?"
"Is there a garden involved?"
"I would say yes, but if not I'm sure we could find a way to build one."
"Ok, count me in. What shall I do?"
"Take this horse and this sword and kill all with white Roses."
"Doesn't sound very difficult. Anything else?"
"Yes, your name is Henry, from now one!"
"Ok, I think I can live with this."

And so Wolfbane rode onwards to win the battle of Bosworth Field and the crown of England.

Actions:

Woflbane: Shoot Inigo Montoya
Inigo Montoya: Second Time Out - Autolynch

Wolfbane is the Winner of Ready - Aim - Fire Classic VII (RAF XXI) - The War of the Roses

Congratulations and thanks to the winner and all players. It was a great fun with you!

[UncleWolf]

The story was great.

Me being a werewolf probably complicated things a bit.

It was fun.:smallbiggrin:

Can't wait for the next one.

[Zar Peter]

The story was great.

Me being a werewolf probably complicated things a bit.

It was fun.:smallbiggrin:

Can't wait for the next one.

Werewolf? Easy! I don't know what I had done if Fin won the game. Or Reinholdt :smalleek:

[Reinholdt]

>>
<<
*thinks*

Now I want to see Zar write me as the winner just to see if you can pull it off. :smallcool: :smalltongue:

Grats to Wolfbane.
*goes off to come up with his next improbable character choice*

[UncleWolf]

>>
<<
*thinks*

Now I want to see Zar write me as the winner just to see if you can pull it off. :smallcool: :smalltongue:


I also want to see that.