my best freind wants to be a bunny

[MR.PIXIE]

My friend Krystal just turned 18. and today
at lunch she told me that she wants to
work for playboy. and she's serious!
she asked me what i think about it and
she gave me till Monday to say what i think.

and i think its a bad idea. I mean its not
like she isn't centerfold material, but i just don't think
i like the idea of a bunch o people gawking at my
best friend. the idea of it makes me kinda uncomfortable.
but i worry that if i tell her i might hurt her feelings.

so? do i risk hurting her feelings.
or let her do something that, lets face it,
makes me fell kinda :smalleek: and
embarrassed to think about.

[Bonecrusher Doc]

Yikes! If I had a friend asking me the same thing, I think I would say that I respect and value her a lot as a person, and the reason I don't like the idea is because I think that people in that industry (or looking at her centerfolds) won't give her the respect and value she deserves. I wouldn't even mention anything about if I felt it was morally wrong or sinful in some way.

Though I have a feeling that you will not be able to really change her mind on the subject with simply a clever argument. You're probably dealing with more deep-seated feelings and beliefs. Personally I've thought that women who do this sort of thing don't have high feelings of self worth and need to be ogled or feel glamorous to feel good about themselves, but I'm just a random dude so I could be completely off the mark. I know there are some counselors and other types of professionals on these boards, maybe they could help you out more.

Of course it all depends on the individual. I have one female friend who, if she asks my opinion on something, it's because she's not sure she wants to do it but she WISHES she was sure, so she's hoping to get in an argument with me trying to persuade her, and her winning with a counterargument, thereby solidifying her own conviction. But I know that game, so I don't take the bait of immediately trying to talk her out of it. Instead I would just plant a few seeds of doubt by saying, "Well, you should do whatever you think is right, you should just consider everything carefully. From a business standpoint it makes good sense because pornography, like alcohol and cigarettes, has shown to be a commodity that continues to sell well even during a recession. What are your reasons for wanting to work in the porn industry? (glamorous, care-free lifestyle, etc... do you think that your perspective is accurate?) What other options have you considered? What are their pros and cons? Where do you see yourself twenty years from now?"

There might be some books or movies to dispel her romanticized idea of what her life would be like if she gets into porn, though I don't know if she's the kind of person who would be willing to read a whole book that you recommend to her. I've never read it but I must confess the front cover of "Confessions of a Video Vixen" caught my eye, so I read the dust jacket, and it kind of covers that topic, though it is about hip-hop dancing and not Playboy.

Ultimately I would just tell her "Whatever you decide to do I'll still be your friend. Just please don't ask me to check out your latest centerfolds."

[Syka]

Ultimately I would just tell her "Whatever you decide to do I'll still be your friend. Just please don't ask me to check out your latest centerfolds."

This. If she asks what you would think about if you were in her position, give her your HONEST opinion of why you would/wouldn't do it but emphasize that regardless of her choice you'll still be her friend.

[d13]

If you are that much like her best friend, and she asked you what did you think about it, then you should answer her question as truthfully (does that word even exist?) as possible.

You don't wanna hurt her feelings, and that's OK, but think about it. What would hurt her the most? Knowing that you do not agree with her expectations, or then having you, her best friend, angry/sad/wtv, because you didn't wanted to hurt her feelings at the first time and lied?

It's OK that you tell her what do you believe. She asked for your opinion, in the first place, and eventhough you don't like the facts you mentioned in your posts, she is by no means tied to your will, anyway...

[Don Julio Anejo]

Or she could be hitting on you..

[Myatar_Panwar]

she gave me till Monday to say what i think.


If she had to actually give you a deadline to give your opinion, then you can probably bet she already knows how you feel.

She is probably just hoping to get some support from her friend. I see no reason not to give it.

[Innis Cabal]

Support her. Its not your life, its hers. Be there if it mess's up to support her, or be there to cheer it on if it works. Being a Bunny isn't some degrading thing, nor should you look at it like it is

[LurkerInPlayground]

My friend Krystal just turned 18. and today
at lunch she told me that she wants to
work for playboy. and she's serious!
she asked me what i think about it and
she gave me till Monday to say what i think.

and i think its a bad idea. I mean its not
like she isn't centerfold material, but i just don't think
i like the idea of a bunch o people gawking at my
best friend. the idea of it makes me kinda uncomfortable.
but i worry that if i tell her i might hurt her feelings.

so? do i risk hurting her feelings.
or let her do something that, lets face it,
makes me fell kinda :smalleek: and
embarrassed to think about.
I'm an ass, so I vote for hurting her feelings. Besides, I'm of the opinion that you don't do your friends favors if you tell them exactly what they want to hear.

But this all assumes that saying this in her interest and not out of jealousy or something. If she wants to get ogled at, it's not really your problem.

I'd also be lying if I said that I didn't think that you should really reconsider your friends. She's 18. How seriously are you supposed to take her "dream"?

I also hereby disclaim any responsibilities for the consequences of you acting on my advice.

[Solaris]

Well, I'm not exactly the best judge of female motives (that happens when you haven't spoken to one in over a year), but it depends on whether or not she wants to hear your honest opinion or what she wants to hear.
Either way, I'd give her your honest opinion. If something like you disapproving of a career choice can break up a friendship, mayhaps it wasn't as strong as you thought to begin with.

[Rutskarn]

I'd also be lying if I said that I didn't think that you should really reconsider your friends. She's 18. How seriously are you supposed to take her "dream"?


I'm not really sure I get what you're saying here. Are you implying that 18-year-olds can't have life plans, or just this life plan in particular?

Also: even if his friend had a bizarre and unlikely chosen path, does that really mean he should "reconsider" his friendship with her?

[Don Julio Anejo]

On a serious note.

Does she say she want to be a bunny in the context she seriously wants to be a bunny and pursue modeling in that kind of magazines as a career?

Or is she just joking around?

If it's the former, well, what's wrong with it? She probably wants the attention and doesn't mind people "gawking" at her. It's not degrading, it's not a low-status dead end job and chances are if she wants to do it, she's thought it through.

If you are against it though, you're better off talking to her about it. You don't have to act supportive if you aren't, so just mention that you think it's a bad idea and leave it at that. If she wants to know WHY you think it's a bad idea, tell her. Just don't act judgmental. You don't want to lose a friend because you disagree with them over something.

[LurkerInPlayground]

I'm not really sure I get what you're saying here. Are you implying that 18-year-olds can't have life plans, or just this life plan in particular?

Also: even if his friend had a bizarre and unlikely chosen path, does that really mean he should "reconsider" his friendship with her?
I question if that's what she will really want in the long-term. Because I suspect that this is really just some sort of vacuous thrill seeking behavior. It's a mid-life crisis of the teenage variety.

Secondly, if this is the case, she's a pretty superficial person. If the OP is merely acting out jealousy, then he needs to really reconsider why he's friends with her in the first place.

In addition, if she were really committed to this decision, she wouldn't need his approval. Fellow posters on this thread have convinced me that she knows what the OP thinks and is deluding herself if she is merely holding out for an answer she wants to hear.

I do realize that this is all heavily contingent upon my biases: hence the disclaimer. Personally, I'd avoid being friends with her. Friends don't inflict such petty emotional manipulations on each other.

[Rutskarn]

By, "if this is the case", do you refer to the possibility that this is merely what you described as a "thrill seeking behavior"? If so, I wouldn't really call that superficial, per se. Indulgence in taboo or exciting fantasies is pretty common among teenagers of that age.

If the case you refer to is instead having an earnest desire to be a nude model, that's not really superficial either, any more than somebody who (for example) wants to be an accountant or a helicopter pilot. Different people are fulfilled by different things, and that's not necessarily a reflection on their intellectual depth. Some very smart people enjoy working at factories, for example.

[ghost_warlock]

If she is your friend and this is something she genuinely wants, why wouldn't you be supportive? Like others have said: it's her life, not yours.

At most, perhaps examine her motives for wanting this. What does she see as the appeal? How does she see herself achieving this goal; what is her plan?

I have a friend who's been trying to 'make it' as a model for years; I can assure you it's not easy. I'd imagine Playboy employs talent scouts to scour various advertisements, fashions shows, and whatnot looking for candidates to approach. Your friend will have to get her face out there in order to be noticed.

The first step is probably to get some professional stills taken and submit them to whatever local modelling agencies she can. I'm a bit fuzzy on the details, but she should hopefully get interviewed by one or more of them. I've heard conflicting things about signing contracts with agencies, though, so be wary of that. Afterwards, when various firms need models for something, they go to these modelling agencies, look through the stills, and select a few candidates to come sit for a session. All of this will likely take a lot of time and effort, making herself available for photo shoots, before she's noticed by anyone willing to pay decent money for her talent. Your job will likely be 'morale police;' encouraging her to keep at it if it's becoming difficult.

[LurkerInPlayground]

By, "if this is the case", do you refer to the possibility that this is merely what you described as a "thrill seeking behavior"? If so, I wouldn't really call that superficial, per se. Indulgence in taboo or exciting fantasies is pretty common among teenagers of that age.

If the case you refer to is instead having an earnest desire to be a nude model, that's not really superficial either, any more than somebody who (for example) wants to be an accountant or a helicopter pilot. Different people are fulfilled by different things, and that's not necessarily a reflection on their intellectual depth. Some very smart people enjoy working at factories, for example.
As far as I'm concerned, that is superficial. If your fantasy is less-than-you-imagined and you come away with buyer's regret, then you only have yourself to blame. It's pretty much a victimless crime. Who cares if there's a naturally occurring pattern of humans seeking self-fulfillment?

But moreover, I'm merely raising the question whether he ought to maintain his friendship. I wouldn't want to associate with such a crassly thoughtless person. It's not an issue of whether the OP supports her -- *if* she just wants him to say what she wants to hear, I wouldn't call that a good friend.

But as I must disclaim: This is all merely my opinion and merely speculation. You should also keep in mind that I'm just generally being an obnoxious ass because I can.

[Don Julio Anejo]

As far as I'm concerned, that is superficial.
Superficial is wanting to be a baller because you want to be rich. Superficial is only caring about a person because that person is either rich or really good looking. Wanting to be a model because of certain aspects of being a model (like fame or attention or knowing you turn on men) is not superficial.


But moreover, I'm merely raising the question whether he ought to maintain his friendship. I wouldn't want to associate with such a crassly thoughtless person. It's not an issue of whether the OP supports her -- *if* she just wants him to say what she wants to hear, I wouldn't call that a good friend.
I would call it normal human behaviour. People look to their friends for support, and you should generally give it to them unless they're doing something that's actually destrictive. Being a bad friend in this case would be akin coming up to the OP and saying: "Dude, I'm going to become a nude model, I know you don't care, but I don't care about your opinion."

However the conversation more likely went like this: "Dude, I'm thinking of becoming a playboy bunny. What do you think about it?" In this situation you can either be supportive even though you don't exactly approve (probably better for her but may be hard for you if you feel about it very strongly), or you can act as I've described earlier - honestly say that you don't approve and tell her why but not start a fight over it.

[St.Sinner]

Tough economic times. People have to do what they have to do, right?

There's no reason why you shouldn't tell her what you think however. Less emphasis on how it makes you uncomfortable, and more emphasis on how she feels about it. Of course, she already knows that people are going to gawk at her - that's in the job description after all - but it's possible that she has a romanticised view of it. That they pay celebrities to pose in Playboy these days can make the whole thing seem glamourous.

Also, Playboy is a well-known publication, and like any well-known publication, the road to getting into its pages can take a skeevy route. She needs to be aware of, and to consider how far into potential sleazy situations she is willing to get. I don't see that it'd be hurting her feelings at all to tell her. Particularly if she's considering not going to university to pursue this path.

I'm sure there's no need to be embarrassed to talk about it. I knew a guy who was a porn actor, and whenever queried about what he did for a living, he would be completely open and unapologetic. At the end of the day, it's not a crime, it's an honest, paying job.

[Felixaar]

This. If she asks what you would think about if you were in her position, give her your HONEST opinion of why you would/wouldn't do it but emphasize that regardless of her choice you'll still be her friend.

Bingo.

Also, double bingo.

[Icewalker]

I'm sorry, but is your only complaint about this that you are uncomfortable with people looking at her via this publication? Because it seems like personal discomfort of a single other person is no grounds for suggesting she change her entire career choice, friend or no. You may want to talk with her about it, especially if you are close friends, but you certainly have no right to deny her of that choice, in any way shape or form.

[SilverSheriff]

My older sister's boyfriend's sister was a model, she quit because the industry requires you to do some things that were highly innappropriote... especially for our Irish Community that seems to happen whenever my Sister brings home a date...HOW THE HELL DOES IT ALWAYS END UP THAT SHE DATES A FELLOW IRISHMEN?! ITS RIDICULOUS AND THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING SHOULD BE NEAR IMPOSSIBLE!:smallconfused:

note that I mean 'People that are quite aware of their Irish Ancestry' instead of just saying "I'm nothing but true-blue Aussie mate!"

[Fredthefighter]

I'm sorry, but is your only complaint about this that you are uncomfortable with people looking at her via this publication? Because it seems like personal discomfort of a single other person is no grounds for suggesting she change her entire career choice, friend or no. You may want to talk with her about it, especially if you are close friends, but you certainly have no right to deny her of that choice, in any way shape or form.

I completely agree with this, although you may feel uncomfortable, it's what she wants to do and you can't stop her from doing it if she really wants to go ahead with it. I suggest talking to her about it.

[thubby]

just tell her how you feel about it. she is your friend, be honest with her. if she goes and becomes a bunny anyway, support her.

[Tirian]

If she is your friend and this is something she genuinely wants, why wouldn't you be supportive? Like others have said: it's her life, not yours.

Because "Meh, whatever" is the advice you would expect from a stranger. If a friend asked me for advice on a plan that left me skeptical, I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't express my skepticism.

First off, I think the plan is highly over-romanticized. If everyone who wanted to be in Playboy was, the magazine would be the size of a phone book. Does she want to work for the cheesy strip club at the edge of town or some obscure internet porn site? Because that's the base of the softcore pyramid that she will have to work from to reach the peak.

And I wouldn't be at ease supporting just anyone who wanted to go this route, because there could be some major self-esteem issues. If she's making a list of her assets in her mind and all she comes up with is an above-average figure, then she might conclude that objectifying herself is the only path. That's no way to live, so perhaps being helped to see (or develop) her other talents would lead to more certain and maintainable prosperity.

All that being said, I have known some folks who worked the sex industry, and it doesn't sound like it has to be the worst thing a woman has ever done. If you work for someone who truly respects their workers, stay away from drugs and hustlers, always remember that you are more than you are showing to the customers, and put most of your money in the bank, it can be a not-awful experience that would shock your grandchildren if they ever found out in fifty years. If you can't do all of that for one reason or another, then I would be quite concerned about whether it was the right choice.

[Syka]

So Lurker, since I've considered posing for Suicide Girls or something of the ilk means I'm a crassly thoughtless person? Why would that be?

I have good self esteem and I have dreams, but I've thought about it because I like it. I haven't because of stories I've heard about SG in particular, but there are other sites I know of I could easily do but don't due to future career considerations. If I wanted to make it my career, what's so bad about that?

[FdL]

Because "Meh, whatever" is the advice you would expect from a stranger. If a friend asked me for advice on a plan that left me skeptical, I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't express my skepticism.

First off, I think the plan is highly over-romanticized. If everyone who wanted to be in Playboy was, the magazine would be the size of a phone book.


Yeah, I agree with all of your post, but especially with the "over romanticized" part. To some extent, in that situation I'd feel that if I supported her in her decision I'd be helping her set herself up for a letdown. It just doesn't sound like a realistic plan, and even if her goal can be glamorous and pretty much harmless, the most likely middle-to-low point where she's bound to end up is probably shadier...

I also agree with most of what Lurker has said.

To Syka's last post, I'd say that it's different if you're a teenager or a more mature person. Even though we don't all think the same about that field of work (which I personally don't think negatively about, to some extent. I'm all about free expression of anyone's sexuality), it carries an unavoidable social stigma.

I also can't help thinking that setting up for a career that's based on a promised goal of glamour and public recognition which is solely based on physical aspect is more than a bit shallow as a life plan...

[Trog]

*wanders in smoking a Coffin Nail, takes a brief glance at thread*

Tell her you want a sneak preview. *nodnod*

[Krytha]

I thought you meant she wanted to be a small furry lagomorph.

[Kaelaroth]

I thought you meant she wanted to be a small furry lagomorph.

As did I. :smallredface:

[Dihan]

I read the title and thought: "She must be hopping mad".

I then saw the first post and thought it was a poem - I even tried to put rhythm to it!... I was disappointed.

[Mando Knight]

I thought you meant she wanted to be a small furry lagomorph.

Indeed, I had as well.

[sktarq]

I thought you meant she wanted to be a small furry lagomorph.

Same-I thought medication would need to be recomended.
Unless you guys are playing that mouse roleplaying game I just found.


As it is. OP she asked you what you thought not what you feel. Give her that. Frankly if it was my friend asking me they'd be getting lectures in economics, staying power of the internet, self esteem checks etc.

Also If you think it would make you so uneasy around her if she got it that you couldn't be friends....You should let her know.

[The Neoclassic]

So Lurker, since I've considered posing for Suicide Girls or something of the ilk means I'm a crassly thoughtless person? Why would that be?

I have good self esteem and I have dreams, but I've thought about it because I like it. I haven't because of stories I've heard about SG in particular, but there are other sites I know of I could easily do but don't due to future career considerations. If I wanted to make it my career, what's so bad about that?

The only problem I'd see with it is the lack of steady income. Honestly, though, that's the case with a lot of jobs.

Whether you agree with it or not, it's up to each individual person. Some girls may enter it foolishly, but I really doubt that's the case for everyone.

It'd never be the sort of thing I'd be interested in, for a variety of reasons, but I'd be unlikely to think less of someone just because they posed for any adult site or publication.

So, for the OP, as people have said before, tell her that ultimately it's her choice and you'll still be there for her no matter what. If you have any concerns, express them calmly, and try to focus on ones that are practical (it might affect her future job possibilities if she goes through with it) rather than emotional (that you don't feel comfortable with it).

[Starshade]

Doh, i thought id read about about someone wanting to be a Lagomorph too when i clicked, hopping around in a furry suit. :smallbiggrin: :smallredface:

Ok, i dont quite *get* why ppl make such a strange fuss over mags as playboy or the suicide girls site Syka mentioned (no idea who they where, had to google it).
Syka: if you decide to be on that site, i think you're quite brave. Wery brave. I dont look down on girls who decide to do unusual things, only downside is strange attention from the society, and thus, the career issues you mentions.

I dont quite get WHY people judge others so easy based on a series of pictures. But, ive honestly tried to get jobs myself, who while being "proper", and quite respected, is equally ridiculous if you look on income, as model business could be, and equally undependable for longer term.
So, i'm positive, but i do think i'm positive, due to such pictures dont "interest" me as much as the average guy who like girls? :smallconfused:

[VeisuItaTyhjyys]

I fail to see the moral horror at this; I would love to be paid to do something I already do at least twice a day. Being naked is not a particularly large deal, but until society at large determines this, I see no reason why one should not profit from it. People see me naked, I get my Spring Break paid for, everyone in the transaction is happy. If there were a larger market for grievously underweight men in the industry, I would gladly jump in.

The issue of respect is a case of some tragic social condition by which one traps oneself in the idea that the physical world is somehow dirty and inferior to the mental one; at some point, society decided it was somehow more meritorious to be born intelligent than it was to be born beautiful. Both are largely accidents of birth, but somehow being physically attractive is considered "lower", or even dirty to the extent it is taken. To appreciate someone solely for the beauty is "shallow," while appreciating someone for their personality is more noble.

I see nothing disrespectful about sexualization; it's a rather large compliment, really. Objectification occurs in any instance of connection with someone one does not know; few think of Einstein as a person so much as an image of objectified scientific knowledge. In a similar manner, political figures can be objectified as personifications of change, or hope, or evil. The reason people complain about objectifying is not the tendency to dehumanize that which one sees (if one did not dehumanize people one was aware of but did not know, one would constantly be in a state of horrifically depressed mourning), but rather because there is a stigma of filth and dishonour around the particular manner one is being seen as an object of.

There is also an inane idea that because something is sexy, it is not art, but let us not even begin to discuss that.

[chiasaur11]

I was hoping it would be more like a certain Perry Bible Fellowship.

Oh well.

[Canadian]

If you do it with her she won't be your best friends anymore. Problem solved.

[MR.PIXIE]

Thanks for the advice guys. i was going to tell her not to,
but today she was all ''hey! check it out, i have some pozes''
then she pulls out these pictures. of herself. nude.:smalleek::smallredface:
then i went toataly speechless and completely forgot that i was going to say
no. so i say ... uh-huh! then two hours later i remembered i wanted to say no but its kinda too late now

[purple gelatinous cube o' Doom]

Pixie, You obviously feel strongly about this, and regardless of what has already happened, I think you owe it to yourself to bring this up with her and tell her your thoughts on the subject.

[Tirian]

but today she was all ''hey! check it out, i have some pozes''
then she pulls out these pictures. of herself. nude.:smalleek::smallredface:
then i went toataly speechless and completely forgot that i was going to say


Oh, for goodness' sake. She evidently doesn't want to be a centerfold, she wants to be a flasher. I hope that you're clued into the fact that this is not how people treat their best friends.

[Telonius]

Okay, first - she just turned 18 on the 6th? Tell her that if she didn't take those pics between then and today, burn them and burn the negatives. Even one minute under 18 = totally illegal. Any possible modelling career - I don't care if it's for JC Penney or for Hustler - would be severely negatively impacted by something like that if it ever ended up on the internet. (And it's a law of nature that if it's a picture of somebody naked, it will eventually end up on the internet). Also, she's technically possessing child pr0n, even if the photo is of herself. I'm not a lawyer, but don't say I didn't warn ya.

Now that that's out of the way...

If you're feeling weirded out, admit that to both yourself and her. If it's against your morals/beliefs/religion/philosophy/whatever, tell her that frankly and honestly. Figure out if you can handle being friends with her even if she's doing those kinds of photo shoots.

Another thing I'd ask ... are you feeling a tiny bit jealous? That could explain why you're having such an emotional reaction to it.

[The Neoclassic]

Okay, first - she just turned 18 on the 6th? Tell her that if she didn't take those pics between then and today, burn them and burn the negatives. Even one minute under 18 = totally illegal. Any possible modelling career - I don't care if it's for JC Penney or for Hustler - would be severely negatively impacted by something like that if it ever ended up on the internet. (And it's a law of nature that if it's a picture of somebody naked, it will eventually end up on the internet). Also, she's technically possessing child pr0n, even if the photo is of herself. I'm not a lawyer, but don't say I didn't warn ya.

This is entirely correct.


She evidently doesn't want to be a centerfold, she wants to be a flasher.

Actually, I think this has some truth to it. Thus far, it sounds like your friend is doing this for attention, not because she's done some serious thinking about it. And if that's the case, she not only probably won't be successful, she'll probably end up regretting it.

Even more so than other jobs, nude modeling should not be taken lightly.

[VeisuItaTyhjyys]

The notion that anything is not to be taken lightly is the reason the world is such a miserable place.

[chiasaur11]

And the idea everything must always be taken lightly has ruined many things that could have done real good. Frivolity has a place, but sometimes care is to be taken. Frankly I'd prefer if the decision to, say, fire an A-bomb, was given some thought.

[Narmoth]

Well, been there, done that.
Anb by that I mean hae a friend that wanted to do that kind of modeling.
I told her what I thought about it, and she did it anyway.
Morale of the story: when people are asking for advice, they really are looking for suppourt for their desicion.

By the way, there are better, if not easier ways of earing money, and you usually don't want a job where you earn money only to end up paying your mental therapist, a all to common scenario in the proffesion in question

[Don Julio Anejo]

and you usually don't want a job where you earn money only to end up paying your mental therapist, a all to common scenario in the proffesion in question
As a future therapist, I think your friend should go and pursue that kind of career :amused:

[Pyrian]

Heheh, if you're going to spend your time listening to women complain, they might as well be hot and paying you for the privilege. :smallwink:

[Innis Cabal]

Beats you having to pay for the ring to put on their finger and doom yourself to it for the rest of your life.

[snoopy13a]

It's her choice. I suppose I'd say something like: "I have some concerns but you're my friend and I'll support whatever decision you choose."

I don't believe they pay well. Although I guess one can party at the mansion with C and D list celebrities :smalltongue:

[Khanderas]

Heheh, if you're going to spend your time listening to women complain, they might as well be hot and paying you for the privilege. :smallwink:
This is win.