Post the silliest ways to defeat the dragon

[King of Nowhere]

I can't help but notice a big lack in silly threads lately, so i just decided to create one.
So, the dragon will arrive to V's home and start gloating before killing, but then she would start talking with V's mate. V's mate will roll a natural 20 in diplomacy, with circumstance bonus because he or she offered the dragon some delicious muffins, and will thus became good friend with the dragon.
The dragon will forget her revenge and become good. V will teleport with demonic hordes to fight the dragon and found her with hir family having a party.
That would also help V realizing that magic don't solve all problems.

[Innis Cabal]

Blueberry jam and muffins. Surely that will distract her long enough for the children to run away.

[Belphegor]

Go-go-ray (also known as Epileptic-Dance-Ray) the dragon and fill him with ice shards.

[Cúchulainn]

The Linear Guild coming to help.

[Keris]

A gap in the Dragon's underbelly scales that is the exact size and shape as a banana nut muffin.

No, wait... that's a totally plausible weakness.:smalltongue:

[Jural]

1) V and his mate power adopt hundreds and hundreds of kids, leaving the dragon to eat so much she eventually dies in the process of fulfilling her promise. Burst stomach and all. I doubt the dragon could eat forever!

2) The adult dragon paid the oracle in treasure, but some of it was illusionary or fake. The oracle pays the dragon back by sending him to the house of a family of extra-planar chaotic good outsiders of extreme power who are conveniently without a parent. Dragon gets owned by the outsiders as a form of revenge by the oracle, and V sells his soul only to crash in on his house and find everyone is OK and undisturbed.

[Haven]

V's mate and kids aren't at home, having gone to help cater a party (they couldn't find a babysitter).

The dragon follows them only to discover it's a very high-level party.

[Optimystik]

Thanks to V-Mate's patented True Seeing Tarts, the family has been aware of Mama's surveillance for quite some time. Knowing that the last disappearance was a precursor to her Bond Speech to V, they enacted a cunning plan to redecorate the entire cottage and surrounding woodland while simultaneously disguising a nearby green dragon's lair as an elven cottage with red shutters. Mama's Greater Teleport is shunted off-target without violating a single word of the spell. The misunderstanding locks the two dragons in territorial combat, giving the citizens of Ivyleaf ample time to flee.

[Kaytara]

Thanks to V-Mate's patented True Seeing Tarts, the family has been aware of Mama's surveillance for quite some time. Knowing that the last disappearance was a precursor to her Bond Speech to V, they enacted a cunning plan to redecorate the entire cottage and surrounding woodland while simultaneously disguising a nearby green dragon's lair as an elven cottage with red shutters. Mama's Greater Teleport is shunted off-target without violating a single word of the spell. The misunderstanding locks the two dragons in territorial combat, giving the citizens of Ivyleaf ample time to flee.

Optimystik, that is awesome. :smalltongue:

[pnewman]

With hummus made by V's mate.

[Rama_Lei]

The silliest ways are numerous. My favorites are:

V or V-Mate challenges the dragon to a Yu-Gi-Oh duel. We all know that children's card games resolve all complex conflicts.

A Long series of Flumphs continuously land on the dragon, eventually killing it.

V and the dragon perform an interprative dance in which they communicate their innermost feelings.

[Linkavitch]

V's mate multiclassed to wizard just so many levels that she can cast "Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion", and she threatens the dragon with it until V gets back.

[Kyouhen]

V's mate's home isn't in a meadow, it's actually sitting on the back of a sleeping Truely Ancient Bronze Dragon. Said dragon wakes up from Mama D's gloating and decides she doesn't like Mama's plan. She then picks up a few diamonds from her diamond horde she's sleeping on and casts True Resurrection on Baby D, eats HIM feet first, binds his soul to her and moves to another plane of existence where Mama D will never find her (or V's mates and progeny) again. :smallbiggrin:

[charl]

With macaroni and glitter.

[silvadel]

She was baking peanut brittle and the dragon has an extreme peanut allergy and chokes to death upon entering the hovel.

[charl]

She was baking peanut brittle and the dragon has an extreme peanut allergy and chokes to death upon entering the hovel.

I like this one.

[theinsulabot]

v's mate pulls out a fat man and blasts the ABD into small irradiated chunks.




or maybe i have been playing to much fallout

[Wraithfighter]

V's mate is a 4th level Expert with high int and max ranks in, among other things, Knowledge (dietary restrictions).

He rolls a natural 20 on the check, finds out that all ABD's have a fatal allergic reaction to contact with peanuts.

And then proceeds to throw peanuts at the dragon until it dies :).

[pendell]

V's Mate whips up the sweetest, richest, tastiest cake in the universe. The dragon takes a piece, forcing a fortitude save or die instantly of diabetes. The dragon makes the save, but the resulting sugar shock renders her comatose for 24 hours. The mate and the kids make their escape.


Respectfully,

Brian P.

[The Big Cheese]

With a piece of hummus cake with cheese flavored frosting.

[Brauley]

Ok. I have just one word: Elan

[chiasaur11]

Ok. I have just one word: Elan

Thog.
Leprechaun costume.

It worked the first time.

[Weiser_Cain]

She went out. Just then a quantum fissure open and an asteroid bearing a passing resemblance to Sean Connery bent in two and juggling bananas behind his back and whistling top 40 tunes comes through the crack in reality. So enthralled the dragon fails her roll so bad the DM has to go under the table to get the dice and while hes gone a player changes the dragon's race to owlbear with a weight problem and dandruff, now about forty feet in the air, a slight quirk of fate makes the asteroid hit the dragon-come-owlbear nerd at the same time as she hits the ground smearing her across the landscape in a pattern that if looked at just right reads this just isn't your day in draconic and common if you look at it right and the asteroid passes through another hole in reality to await it's next strike.

[bluewind95]

The mate is just an apprentice baker. Therefore, while he/she is baking an extra-special cake, the dragon shows up. The dragon, of course, would need to eat the cake to eat the poor baker, who is so petrified by the fear, that he/she won't drop the cake. The cake, being threatened, comes to life and eats the dragon instead. The mate decides to change professions, while secretly working on more special baking recipes.

[alethiophile]

V-mate makes bread simulacra of the children, putting poisonous mushrooms in their feet. The dragon would figure it out as soon as it started eating them, but by then it would be too late.

[TSED]

The dragon was scrying on them while they were house-sitting for a friend of theirs, who also happens to live in an elven cottage with red shutters.


The difference being that THIS elven cottage happens to have the residents of a powerful group of adventurers, most of which are epic level.

[Raging Gene Ray]

Thog.
Leprechaun costume.

It worked the first time.

Rich would never pull the same thing twice in a row.
He'd be wearing an Easter Bunny costume.

[TSED]

So close to Valentine's Day, he'd probably be wearing a Cherub costume.


A cherub costume with a bow that shoots great axes.

[Jural]

The mate is just an apprentice baker. Therefore, while he/she is baking an extra-special cake, the dragon shows up. The dragon, of course, would need to eat the cake to eat the poor baker, who is so petrified by the fear, that he/she won't drop the cake. The cake, being threatened, comes to life and eats the dragon instead. The mate decides to change professions, while secretly working on more special baking recipes.


To build off (steal) your great idea, two words: Cake Golem.

[Flame of Anor]

v's mate pulls out a fat man and blasts the ABD into small irradiated chunks.


or maybe i have been playing to much fallout

You think? :smalltongue:


A cherub costume with a bow that shoots great axes.

Just...what?


Anyway, I nominate the Dragon Enema. See the Funny D&D Stories thread for the full story, but suffice it to say that it refers to an interesting use of the little rocks you get from dust of drying. You really want to know, highlight the white-text. You throw them down its throat. They break. A whole lake explodes inside the dragon. Blleeeaaaarrrggghhh splat squelch.

[Larspcus2]

Thanks to V-Mate's patented True Seeing Tarts, the family has been aware of Mama's surveillance for quite some time. Knowing that the last disappearance was a precursor to her Bond Speech to V, they enacted a cunning plan to redecorate the entire cottage and surrounding woodland while simultaneously disguising a nearby green dragon's lair as an elven cottage with red shutters. Mama's Greater Teleport is shunted off-target without violating a single word of the spell. The misunderstanding locks the two dragons in territorial combat, giving the citizens of Ivyleaf ample time to flee.

Wouldn't that result in the information becoming misleading, which would make the dragon disappear and then reappear in the same place =/

[Flickerdart]

Wouldn't that result in the information becoming misleading, which would make the dragon disappear and then reappear in the same place =/
Yep, but "the same place" now has a Vaarsuvius fuelled by the power of the Nine Hells. Zzzaap!

Other Parent has EWP: Hecatonheires-chucks.

[Raging Gene Ray]

Just...what?


Anyway, I nominate the Dragon Enema...They break. A whole lake explodes inside the dragon. Blleeeaaaarrrggghhh splat squelch.

Now I've figured it out! A bow that shoots Greataxes covered in dragon enemas that are also lazor powered...and explode.

[TSED]

Come now. A greataxe firing bow would be so awesome every one ever would want one.

I know I do, and as far as I can tell it's ficticious!

[TheBST]

A Who Framed Roger Rabbit-type strip where V crawls off the page and bribes Rich into erasing the dragon with the end of his pencil.

[Lunaya]

Have V's mate ask the dragon if she would prefer cake or death. If she chooses cake, then be sure to put poison in the cake. If she chooses death..well..that just makes things easier.

[OmegaDonut]

I wonder, would Rich be self-indulgent enough to have V's mate whip up one of these? (http://www.giantitp.com/articles/Cc85LTNvTgOuH1xTRjz.html)

[charl]

I wonder, would Rich be self-indulgent enough to have V's mate whip up one of these? (http://www.giantitp.com/articles/Cc85LTNvTgOuH1xTRjz.html)

Lovely. :smallbiggrin:

[Eldrys]

I bet that the dragon will be alergic to flour/blueberrys/etc. and the baker will offer the dragon a muffin because he thinks its a good dragon and then the dragon will eat it and explode.

[whitelaughter]

V-mate is only an apprentice, but hir master is an epic level baker who has already determined the problem via a scrying pie, and has replaced the cottage with a gingerbread cottage on which mamma dragon will gorge and then explode from suger OD (when you breathe noxious liquids, having your metablism tinkered with is inevitably fatal).

This ends a bet between V and V-mate on the respective powers of magic and baking, and V retires to look after the kids while V-mate using the power of cooking to rally the Order of the Stick and thwart the forces of evil. Within dwarven beer to restore Durkon, and the ability to distract Belkar, V-mate swiftly replaces Roy as leader of the Oots. V-mate uses apple pastries to persuade Redcloak to be friends (hey, this *is* a comic, and this is a staple of comic advertising) and then makes a coffee so disgusting that Xykon chooses to be raised to once more enjoy coffee.

V-mate then gets hir own spin off comic, teeming up with the spark chef from Girl Genius in adventures across the dimensions.

Despite this, endless threads occur on this forum attempting to determine V-mate's alignment, gender, age and favourite utensil.

[AngelKiller777]

V's mate suddenly remembers that the old family paper weight is actually a Daern's Instant Fortress (http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Instant_Fortress) and then tricks the dragon into eating it, probably by placing it into some sort of tempting baked good, and then shouts the command word very loudly. The sudden appearance of a 3 storie tall adamantine tower inside the dragon kills it dead.

[daggaz]

The dragon teleports in, only to find a strange man, with an odd squiggly line in the middle of his face, sitting in the cottage enjoying a mug of beer. The dragon attacks, but the man smites the dragon with a single swing of his pink, rubber mallet (that looks oddly enough like a pencil eraser)! The force of the artifact striking such a terrible blow sends shockwaves thru the OOTSverse, scattering the snarl into oblivion and effectively ending the entire plotline.

[pnewman]

Using a giant wooden alpaca stuffed full of potato salad.

[Sotris]

I wonder, would Rich be self-indulgent enough to have V's mate whip up one of these? (http://www.giantitp.com/articles/Cc85LTNvTgOuH1xTRjz.html)Hahaha I thought of that too, but I didn't think there was any use for it if it could only run and evade... I didn't remember that it can be used as an assassin!

[Heads_or_Tails]

V's mate is an apprentice baker, and only does so because you see, he feels compelled. For he is in fact, a favoured soul, and a particularly powerful one, she gained this power from the oldest and most respected of the elven gods, Pastrimonius, bringer of confectionery and maker of tasty snacks and desserts.

He, using the awesome power of one favoured by Pastrimonius will defeat the dragon in single combat with all the magic he can bring to bear. The dragon will fear the terrible power of the Muffin of Despair! Gape in terror at the horrible Curse of Stale Bread! Cower, trembling before the Doughnut of Oblivion! Finally, when V's mate finishes toying with the dragon, she will cast the ultimate spell of Pastrimonius! The GRAND ENSORCELMENT OF THE ANCIENT AND ALL POWERFUL DOILY!

Then, after all is said and done, he will go to the oven and get out the cake she was baking. Unfortunately for him, she forgot to put in the sugar, and the whole family will have a big laugh.

The End.

[Assassin89]

How about the dragon chokes on a very dry scone that has a similar effect to dust of dryness?

How about pixies attacking the dragon along with brownies?

How about the cake being a lie?

[pendell]

V-mate is only an apprentice, but hir master is an epic level baker who has already determined the problem via a scrying pie, and has replaced the cottage with a gingerbread cottage on which mamma dragon will gorge and then explode from suger OD (when you breathe noxious liquids, having your metablism tinkered with is inevitably fatal).

This ends a bet between V and V-mate on the respective powers of magic and baking, and V retires to look after the kids while V-mate using the power of cooking to rally the Order of the Stick and thwart the forces of evil. Within dwarven beer to restore Durkon, and the ability to distract Belkar, V-mate swiftly replaces Roy as leader of the Oots. V-mate uses apple pastries to persuade Redcloak to be friends (hey, this *is* a comic, and this is a staple of comic advertising) and then makes a coffee so disgusting that Xykon chooses to be raised to once more enjoy coffee.

V-mate then gets hir own spin off comic, teeming up with the spark chef from Girl Genius in adventures across the dimensions.

Despite this, endless threads occur on this forum attempting to determine V-mate's alignment, gender, age and favourite utensil.

Thread WINNAH! Especially for the last line.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Sevley]

ABD is kidnapped by Xykon before she can reach V's mate and is brought to Azure City to fight O-Chul who Smites her into the next millennium. As thanks, V's mate brings scones which O-Chul and MitD enjoy together while discussing Monopoly strategies.

[LordSintax]

they attack the dragon with hummus. (today's awesome award goes to the person who gets that one)

[SnowballMan]

"Get your pies for the Great Pie Fight!"

-----

The dragon arrives while the apprentice butcher and apprentice candlestick maker are visiting. Insert Tex Avery style cartoon cloud violence. Dragon ends up tied up in a giant tub.

One child turns to the other and says, "That's not how the rhyme goes." The other responds, "Oh well." Fade to black. The end.

-----

V arrives to find a smoldering ruin of a house. He screams out "NO!" Drops to the ground in agony and despair.

Then V's mate, children and black dragon walk up behind him and say in unison. "Surprise, you're on Candid Camera."

[CarpeGuitarrem]

No, no, not Thog in a leprechaun costume.

ELAN in a leprechaun costume.

[King of Nowhere]

V arrives to find a smoldering ruin of a house. He screams out "NO!" Drops to the ground in agony and despair.

Then V's mate, children and black dragon walk up behind him and say in unison. "Surprise, you're on Candid Camera."
Loved that one :smallbiggrin:

The dragon is not high level enough to cast the spells from the scrolls, so she will need a concentration check. She will roll a 1, thus causing a malfunction. The malfunction will cause the scroll resurrect the kids, and bind the dragon's soul to them

________________________________________________

After killing everyone, the dragon will find a little demiplane to hide... that inhabited by the snarl.
We can guess the rest.

[MSK]

The severed skull of a Death Knight falls from the sky and crushes her.

[Overlord Nicy]

"Good day, I am now going to eat you."
"But...I'm baking muffins."
"I can see that."
"But can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

The dragon then leaves to find out. The End.

[Dogmantra]

It's an ancient black dragon... she's not as young as she used to be. Suffice to say she lays down for a nap, when suddenly...

CUTAWAY PANEL!

[MorhgorRB]

The dragon breaks down the door, due to not being able to fit into the house, but the inside of the door was crafted six thousand years before out of a Colossal Bag of Infinite Holding, with the owner of preemptively rolled for, and got the nessecary 1 to dump the dragon on the cosmic plane. Next to Eugene.

[faith]

they attack the dragon with hummus. (today's awesome award goes to the person who gets that one)

lol it's from buffy isn't it? or am i just stoned?

[Kroy]

1. Burn the monster manual
2. Destroy your DM's computer
3. ????
4. Profit!

[Scarlet Knight]

" Narrator: As the Black Beast lurched forward, escape seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack!
Animator: :smalleek:
Narrator: ...and the cartoon peril was no more. "

[Rotipher]

Thanks to V-Mate's patented True Seeing Tarts, the family has been aware of Mama's surveillance for quite some time. Knowing that the last disappearance was a precursor to her Bond Speech to V, they enacted a cunning plan to redecorate the entire cottage and surrounding woodland while simultaneously disguising a nearby green dragon's lair as an elven cottage with red shutters. Mama's Greater Teleport is shunted off-target without violating a single word of the spell. The misunderstanding locks the two dragons in territorial combat, giving the citizens of Ivyleaf ample time to flee.

Better yet, the green dragon in question happens to be the mother of the Nice Green Dragon Girl From The Next Forest, who had previously been dating BD Junior. Rather than fighting over territory, the two mama dragons get into a ferocious verbal spat over whether or not it's Junior's fault that he got himself killed by the Order (thereby breaking the heart of the smitten Little Miss Green, and making Green Mama blame Black Mama for leaving her trigger-happy brat unsupervised). The resulting storm of invective can be heard as far away as V's island, easing Vaarsuvius's fears and causing vir to reject the mail-in offer from Qarr's superiors.

[DMBlackhart]

Ok. I have just one word: Elan

Thats 2 letters....


...wait for it.....

[Assassin89]

After killing everyone, the dragon will find a little demiplane to hide... that inhabited by the snarl.
We can guess the rest.

Or said demiplane is inhabited by an epic level wizard or warmage who rose in ranks during a great war. Said arcane user easily destroys dragon and the hide is used to make armor.

[TheSummoner]

The dragon attempts to devour V's children, but chokes to death. They crawl out shaken but unharmed.

[Raging Gene Ray]

Thats 2 letters....


...wait for it.....

Elan...:smallconfused:L-N...He's a bard, he can't be Lawful Neutral.

[Flame of Anor]

Yeah, I don't get it either. Give us a hint, DMTibernius!

[Raenir Salazar]

The silliest ways are numerous. My favorites are:

V or V-Mate challenges the dragon to a Yu-Gi-Oh duel. We all know that children's card games resolve all complex conflicts.



HEY IM 21!!!! :smallfurious:

[newcresty]

well, Parent and Other Parent are marreid to each other, so, that makes them "chosen rival" each other, just like haley and crystal, therefore other parent is same lvl as V, just V didn't knew, cause you know, deeps obscures secret's and all that

[Scarlet Knight]

HEY IM 21!!!! :smallfurious:

Blackjack!

Ooops, sorry, where were we?

ABD tells House Spouse why she's there. House Spouse agrees V is a bum & explains that V was thrown out when House Spouse found out V only wanted the baker for doily fix. House Spouse puts on tea, they chat, have some lovely chocolate scones & an Oprah moment...

[Khanderas]

Vorpal cupcake.

That is all.

[Terry576]

Banjo. Nuff said. For the dragon will laugh at the puppet, and Odin will smite him for being mean to puppets.

[newcresty]

well, Parent and Other Parent are marreid to each other, so, that makes them "chosen rival" each other, just like haley and crystal, therefore other parent is same lvl as V, just V didn't knew, cause you know, deeps obscures secret's and all that

[DigoDragon]

Dance Fight!

[Kami2awa]

The animator suffers a freak heart attack and dies.

[Optimystik]

HEY IM 21!!!! :smallfurious:

I'm going to go ahead and guess that you didn't watch YGO: The Abridged Series. :smallwink:


well, Parent and Other Parent are marreid to each other, so, that makes them "chosen rival" each other, just like haley and crystal, therefore other parent is same lvl as V, just V didn't knew, cause you know, deeps obscures secret's and all that

Which would make V's mate... a level 14 baker.

[Taekwondodo]

V's mate has actually been kidnapped by Fruit pie the sorcerer who has come to take revenge for his murder near the beginning of the comic. He and the dragon fight both dieing in the struggle.

[Vaarsuvius4181]

Rich suffers a One time allsheimers, and forgets about the dragon. "Hmmp. I guess I ll just go back to reuniting the party, since i cant remember what was V so worried about!"

hey. Not my fault i saw monty python and the holy grail.

PS no disrespect meant

[Dziadek]

The mate will promise a sweet treat to the dragon as a side dish but will accually bake an army of gingerbread golems to protect hirself

[Rae Artemi]

V's mate will see the dragon, pick up a bananna and use it to make a call to his Master Baker. He will instruct the baker t come to his house with 500 tons of falaffel bread, 400 cubic feet of mashed potatoes, 4 marbles, a platypus, a squirrel a piece of string, a megaphone, $10,000 dollars in monopoly money, 8,976,265,345 gallons of ice cream, and a carrot. the dragon will laugh so hard that it suffocates upon hearing the strange combination of items being listed to a bananna that is supposed to stop it.

That, or the dragon is allergic to macaroni and glue.

[Hephaestus]

A gargantuan sized Eric comes down from the LG afterlife and picks up the dragon. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0600.html) Fifth panel.

[littlebottom]

The animator suffers a freak heart attack and dies.

i laughed very hard at that... till i realised, just what that would actually mean... NOOOO NOT RICH! if he dies, ill never get to see Elan run around naked thinking his invisible, ill never see Belkar scream "I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR" again... it seems that i for the first time in my life must admit that "monty python" is not the answer :smallfrown:

[Zelthax]

In a last act of desperation, V-Mate and the kids break out in the Safety Dance.

The dragon's head explodes from awesome.

[Berserk Monk]

I think V said it best: a muffin sized imperfection in the dragon's scales.

[CrimsonAngel]

The dragon realizes she leaft the stove on and before she makes it to her house, Xykon killes her for fun and reanimates her.