View Full Version : "And they're not very polite." [C]

2006-09-18, 08:37 PM
I would like to give full credit for the invention of this creature to Grant Morrison, who penned their first and only appearance in DC Comic's Doom Patrol #31.

The Dry Bachelor
Medium-Size Construct [Evil]
Hit Dice: 2d10+20 (30 HP)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 14 (+2 dex, +2 natural)
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/+3
Attack: Crowbar +3 (1d6+2)
Full Attack: Crowbar +3 (1d6+2)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: None
Special Qualities: Construct traits, nondescript
Saves: Fort +0, Ref +2, Will +1
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 14, Con --, Int 12, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Move Silently, +6, Disguise +10*, Sleight of Hand +5, Hide +6, Spot +3, Search +3
Feats: Quickdraw
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, gang (2-4), hunting party (5-10) or mob (11-19)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: Standard, plus gear. (Bachelor hunting parties are usually equipped with rope and grappling irons for infiltration, cash for transport and whatever else they may need.)
Alignment: Always neutral evil
Advancement: 3-5 HD (medium size), 6-10 HD (large)
Level Adjustment: ---

The Dry Bachelors are a strange breed of magical constructs built by rituals of utter evil. They are built from a collection of human skin cells---millions of discarded flakes that human beings drop wherever they go. The second and even more startling component in a Dry Bachelor's creation is love letters, from relationships that have since gone sour. Often letters of rejection or failed hopes are used, and the bitter feelings of twisted heartbrake infuse the Dry Bachelors and make them utterly malicious, sadistic creatures.

A Dry Bachelor appears to be an ordinary person at first glance, wearing a large coat with the lapels turned up and a fedora (or other era-appropriate) hat pulled low. One must look closely at the coat to see almost invisible lines of letters running all across the coat breast, back and every fringe. Usually they say something along the lines of, "my dearest, it is my regret," or "though I once loved you." When one examins closely the face of a Dry Bachelor, they find that it is a jigsaw of numerous different skin tones mashed together into a featureless, ovoid cranium. Bachelors wear thick gloves and conservative, business-style clothing under their coats to conceal the rest of their patchy bodies.

Dry Bachelors are often used as low-level enforcers for various evil cults and secret societies. They are much valued by sinister forces for their ability to murder without leaving any traceable evidence. To guess into the motivations of a Bachelor's mind is to invite madness, save to say they are utterly sadistic monsters who delight in causing as much pain as they can. Dry Bachelors do not speak, but they understand Common and any tongue their creator speaks.


The modus operandi of a Dry Bachelor gang (they rarely work alone) is to discretely locate their target in a public area, then quietly follow him until he is somewhere secluded. Preferrably, they will break into their target's house in the night and murder him in his very bed. They have a preference for small, concealable weapons and tend to improvise things like carpenter's hammers and chair legs. Unlike most constructs, Dry Bachelors are not mindless. They are fanatical in pursuing their target, however, and will attack him relentlessly even against suicidal odds.

Construct Traits: No constitution score, low-light vision and darkvision out to 60 ft. Immunity to all mind-influencing effects (charms, compulsion, phantasms, patterns and morale effects.) Immunity to poison, sleep, death effects, paralysis, stunning, disease and necromancy effects. Dry Bachelors cannot heal damage on their own, but can be repaired through spells such as mending or use of the Craft Construct feat. Bachelors are not subject to critical hits, nonlethal damage, ability damage, ability drain, fatigue, exhaustion or energy drain. They are immune to any effect requiring a fortitude save (unless the effect works on objects or is harmless.) They are not at risk of death from massive damage, but are immediately destroyed when reduced to 0 HP. Cannot be raised or resurrected. Dry Bachelors receive +20 bonus HP due to size. Dry Bachelors are proficient with all simple weapons, and can improvise weapons. They are proficient with no armor, and do not eat, sleep or breath.

Nondescript: The Dry Bachelors appear at a glance to be ordinary humanoids in bulky clothing, and are expert at drawing little attention to themselves. They receive a +10 bonus to disguise checks made to look like a humanoid. Survivors of a Bachelor attack often remark that they never saw the Bachelors coming until they were right there, despite the Bachelors approaching in plain sight.

Creating a Dry Bachelor: Bringing such a dreadful creature into the world is something that only foul-hearted spellcasters are willing to attempt. Building a Large Dry Bachelor is possible, in which case double all ingredients and costs. To build one Dry Bachelor requires 50 lb. of dead skin cells (naturally these are usually collected through magic), and no less than thirteen love letters from soured courtships. Though esoteric, these ingredients are comparitively cheap, and can usually be acquired from "Specialty Shops" for 10,000 GP in a complete set. Assembling the body from the skin flakes and paper pulp requires a successful craft (sculpting) check (DC 20), at which point the creator casts upon the inert body fabricate, geas/quest, and polymorph any object. The ritual involved, which invokes many of the worse Archdevils, drains 800 XP from the creator.

2006-09-18, 09:34 PM

cool but gross i mean really cool but still very very gross

good job on the conversion

2006-09-18, 10:12 PM
Thanks. They were pretty much just a one-panel fire and forget, but the image of identically coated figures and blank, jigsaw-faces stuck with me I guess.

2006-09-19, 11:12 AM
I like it; that's very cool. It would be nice to ambush a low level party with a few of these; they think that they're just standard bandits, and then a hat goes flying off, revealing the terrifying and disgusting truth.

2006-09-19, 02:07 PM
It's pretty cool, slightly unsavory, but cool nontheless. Crowbars=awesome.

I like swords too, but crowbars are better.