I Read the News Today (again), Oh Girl...

[Serpentine]

I seem to have just missed the Threadomancy cut-off, so I have to start a new one. The original is here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=98437).

As I said in the last thread, I iron and repair new and old newspapers for microfilming at the university library here. Work has started again, and that means more weird 100+-year old articles!

Tenterfield Star, Saturday morning, October 10 1896

Equal to the Occasion
Some years ago a ******** received a month's imprisonment for petty
larceny, and was being escorted in the police van from Singleton to
Maitland by a policeman named Lennard, who had a weakness for
whisky. When they reached Branxion, halt way between the two
places, the constable entered a public-house, leaving his charge
outside. Lennard remained some time drinking, and when he returned
outside the prisoner had disappeared. Search was made in the
neighbourhood for the missing man, but without effect. The guardian
of peace, however, was equal to the occasion, and, having failed to
find the missing Celestial, he discovered another working in his vegetable
garden a few miles away. To arrest him and place him in the vehicle was
no sooner thought of than put into execution, and ******** No. 2
served the month's imprisonment for No. 1. Lennard, who died a couple
of years ago, often related the above little incident to his friends, and
maintained that it was as true as the gospel.

It's funny, cuz he's Chinese :smallbiggrin: :smallconfused: Thought it was interesting they called them "Celestial"...

Tenterfield Star, Wednesday morning, October 28 1896

Nothing Else for It
Though rather strait laced in the matter of divorce law, we are not sure
but Mr J.C.Meyers, a publican at Oklahoma (U.S) was entitled to a
decree nisi. The pleas he lodged for separation from his dear little wifey
were as follows;- Habitual drunkeness and refusing to allow him into his
own bar, bigamy, breaking the furniture regularly once a month, cutting
up petitioner's outer and under garment, prodding and otherwise
maltreating him with a carving knife, throwing his meals down the sink,
and refusing his love and affection, eating seed-cake in bed and
brushing all the hard crumbs over to petitioner's side thereof, running
an opposition hotel to his reducing the price of wiskey[sic], and
engaging a German band to play outside his door, "Come where the
boose[sic] is cheaper." That seed cake business was too cruel.

Tenterfield Star, Saturday Morning, October 17 1896

Pass the Sponge
An extraordinary story has reached Glen Innes from Deepwater, the
facts of which are vouched for. It appears that a married aboriginal,
engaged on Mr W.T.Cadell's property, occupies a hut in one of the
paddocks. The woman is suckling a young baby, and during one
night last week she awoke to find that instead of the infant a large
black snake was attached to her breast, and was regaling itself.
The woman awoke her husband in a great fright, and, in doing so,
the snake disappeared. After a search had been made the reptile
was discovered and shot.

This one reminds me of something... Possibly a combination of old European stories of dead babies returning for milk and tales of milk snakes stealing from cows.

edit: I hope my editing of the word for person from China was an acceptable use of the filter bypassing...

[Felixaar]

Aww, the poor China guy...

*snort*

So the Tenterfield Star is the local paper, I take it?

Also, that seed cake munchin' bitch :smalltongue:

[Recaiden]

Great stories. But... seed cake?

[Cristo Meyers]

Yeah, I've heard the stories about great-great grandma Meyers...

...we still laugh about the German band...:smallbiggrin:

yes, I'm joking, it's 7:30 in the morning here, which means I have the sense of humor of an 8 year old right now...

[Jack Squat]

Great stories. But... seed cake?

not quite a poppy seed cake (http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-seed-cake.htm)

[Phase]

These are... rather funny...

Poor Man from China, at least it was only a month.

Have you found any articles about the birth of the internet?

[FdL]

Very interesting. The one about the chinese man was too sad. Racism and abuse of the law were commonplace then probably... :s

I still wonder why they referred to him as Celestial. Anyone seen this before?

Edit: I hate the forum filters with passion.

[WalkingTarget]

Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celestial_(Chinese)) puts it more succinctly than what I'd tried to write up initially: Celestial was a race-specific term used to describe Chinese immigrants in the United States, Canada and Australia during the 19th century. The term was widely used in the popular mass media of the day. The term is derived from their status as subjects of the "Son of Heaven", the Chinese Emperor.

[Flame of Anor]

Well, I'd classify those stories as:

#1: Outrageous and funny
#2: Pathetic and funny
#3: Hilarious and funny

Also, I don't get what the filter is censoring or trying to.

[Trog]

*Slithers in. Looks around. Shrugs. Slithers out again*

[DraPrime]

Some of this reads like The Onion. At least it's taught me to never marry a woman who eats seedcake. That's just going to be bound for faliure.

And Serpentine, have you considered compiling and publishing this stuff? I know I'd buy it.

[Copacetic]

Poor Chinese man. Though I as amused to no end by Article No.2 :smallbiggrin:

[FdL]

I looked "celestial" but I didn't find that. Thanks for the info.
It strikes me as weird that it's actually not a derogatory term. But well, maybe any term that marks that kind of difference can be thought of as discriminating.



Also, I don't get what the filter is censoring or trying to.

It blocks "china-man", as it's supposed to be a racial slur I guess. It sounds old fashioned anyway, and its use is actually necessary for the tone of the article.

Personally I think that as an automated method for control, it's a way of seriously underestimating the capacity of us users to have mature, responsible and respectful conversations *shrugs*

[Serpentine]

And Serpentine, have you considered compiling and publishing this stuff? I know I'd buy it.Hmm... That would be pretty neat. Maybe once I've finished my honours in History, or after I finish my PhD in local history ("A Cryptozoological Survey of the New England Area"), if I end up doing it, to get some actual credentials.
Oh, and the person who asked before: The Tenterfield Star was the local paper of Tenterfield and area. I'm in Armidale and area. I can't remember where Tenterfield is, and I'm pretty sure it isn't too far away - no more than a few hours, I think - but no, Tenterfield wasn't the local here. I don't even know whether it still exists... The next old papers on my ironing list, though, are Armidale Expresses from about the same years, of which my grandfather was the first photographer! :smallbiggrin: ...but not that long ago.

[Ethrael]

Oh these are truly lovely, and really very interesting. I just read some of the ones in the previous thread and I have to say, I'm intrigued! Post more, please! :smallbiggrin:

[SoD]

Tenterfield Star, Saturday morning, October 10 1896

Equal to the Occasion
Some years ago a ******** received a month's imprisonment for petty
larceny, and was being escorted in the police van from Singleton to
Maitland by a policeman named Lennard, who had a weakness for
whisky. When they reached Branxion, halt way between the two
places, the constable entered a public-house, leaving his charge
outside. Lennard remained some time drinking, and when he returned
outside the prisoner had disappeared. Search was made in the
neighbourhood for the missing man, but without effect. The guardian
of peace, however, was equal to the occasion, and, having failed to
find the missing Celestial, he discovered another working in his vegetable
garden a few miles away. To arrest him and place him in the vehicle was
no sooner thought of than put into execution, and ******** No. 2
served the month's imprisonment for No. 1. Lennard, who died a couple
of years ago, often related the above little incident to his friends, and
maintained that it was as true as the gospel.



I can top that. Not word for word, but...there was a bus driver, and he was given the job to transport 23 medically insane people to the local assylum (back in the day where having a mental problem was a 'Bad Thing'). He's been driving for a long time, and feels a bit hungry, so he parks the bus, and heads into a restaurant/diner place for a quick bite to eat. When he comes out...every. Single. One. Of. Them. Has...gone *gasp!*! So what does he do? He drives to a bus stop with a bunch of people waiting for the bus, and announces; "I'll give 23 people a free bus trip." When questioned why, he said it was his birthday, and he likes doing a 'good act' every year on his birthday. So, 23 people get on. However, he doesn't drop them where they wanted...he drives to the assylum, and, as he hands them over to the guards (who had to subdue several of the 'lunatics') tells them; "They're mostly delusional. They've been having delusions of different lives, they usually change their story every few months or so."

It took three weeks before the 'lunatics' were released. It didn't say if the real lunatics were caught or not.

[Serpentine]

Heh, I remember hearing about that. Think it's a real one? 'course, I wouldn't have believe that China-man one if I hadn't read it myself...

[Pyrian]

I'm pretty sure the bus story is apocryphal:

http://www.snopes.com/medical/asylum/crazybus.asp

[Serpentine]

More articles! A lot more! Because I've been writing them down but never getting around to posting them! Take that beaches!

...I have to stop looking at Bigger Than Cheeses before posting.


Anyways, where to begin? How about this one that happens to be right in front of me already?

The Tenterfield Star, Wednesday Morning, September 29 1897

News in a Nutshell
...
A women(sic) in the north of Scotland
recently had to be treated at the infir-
mary because she had dislocated her
jaw while laughing.

That's possible? :smalleek:


The Tenterfield Star, Saturday Morning, October 2 1897

Sentenced to Death
At the Maitland assizes, Laban John
Mitchell, 16 years of age, was found guilty
of criminally assaulting a young girl, the
virdict being accompanied by a recommen-
dation to mercy. Sentence of death was
passed on the prisoner.

Executed at 16. Damn :smalleek:


The Tenterfield Star, Saturday Morning, April 24 1897

He - What's wrong with the steak? It's
all covered with dirt. She - There was an
accident, and some soot fell down the chim-
ney. He - And yet when you married me
you made me promise to give up betting!
this is nice inconsistency! She - How so?
He - Why, now you're wanting me to go in
for a sweep's stake.BADUM-tch.

The Tenterfield Star, Saturday Morning, December 19 1896

News in a Nutshell
...
An inventor and 3 workmen were
blown to pieces in Berlin on Sunday, whilst
experimenting to reduce the liability of
acetyle to explosion.
...
Speaking in a meeting at Cork, Lord
Castetown said it was "cruel taxation"
which lost Great Britain its American colon-
ies.
...
In the course of an inquiry into samples of
liquor sold in Brisban much sulphuric acid
was found. The composition was given to
a guinea pig, which died in 2 minutes.
...
At a meeting in Cork, which was attended
by citizens of all shades of religion and
politics, it was unanimously declared that a
reduction of the Imperial taxation in Ireland
was imperative
...

Politicians? Learning from their mistakes?! :smallconfused: :smalleek: (anyone know enough about Irish history to tell me where this fits in, and whether it worked?)


The Tenterfield Star, Wednesday Morning, October 6 1897

A Phenomenon
A remarkable phenomenon was wit-
nessed in Maclean on Thursday week.
A man appeared to be afflicted with some
form of temporary paralysis in one of his
legs which prevented him from walking
in the ordinary way. He could, however
walk backwards, but when he started in
this way, his legs appeared to be beyond his
control and he could not stop their
action, the only way in which to check
his career was by catching hold of some
object. He was admitted to the hospi-
tal.

Explanations? May ask Dr. Mum if I think of it.


The Tenterfield Star, Wednesday Morning, May 12 1897

Shooting Accident
On Tuesday afternoon a number of
youths were out shooting bears at Black
Mountain, when an accident befel one of
the party -- harold Ditton, aged 21. He
was pushing a cartridge into his gun
when, by some unexplained means, it
exploded. Some of the powder entered
Ditton's eye, temporarily blinding him.
He was brought to the Armidale Hospital
and under the treatment of Dr. Mallam,
the sight is gradually returning to the
injured organ.

There are bears near Tenterfield?! :smallconfused: :eek:


The Tenterfield Star, Wednesday Morning, October 13 1897
News in a Nutshell
...
In a recent French journal an ex-
pert expresses the opinion that Austra-
lia might, with cultivation, rival
France in wine production. (you betcha britches! :smallwink:)
Switzerland is the only civilised
country in the world which grants no
patents for inventions.

Truth?


The Tenterfield Star, Wednesday Morning, November 27 1897
News in a Nutshell
...
A well-known prophet in London,
who lately announced the "final and
irretrievable" end of the world in 1900
has just paid a high premium to secure
the lease of business premeses for 15
years. What he intends to do with
them after the catastrophe is a mys-
tery.
...
A man employed at the sewage farm
at Batchworth in Her()fordshire, asserts
that quite recently while working on this
farm, he has several times seen an old
blind rat carrying a piece of stick in its
mouth, with two other younger rats
leading it about with one end of the
s(t)ick also in their mouths. Tra-la.

1. *snigger* :smallamused: 2. Ew. Also, "tra-la"? :smallconfused:

Finally, a couple of Kiwi stories:

The Tenterfield Star, Wednesday Morning, September 29 1897
An Advertisement Answered
A rumour having been circulated in
Mangaweka (writes a New Zealand paper)
that a man named Ferris was married,
he inserted an advertisement in the
Setler(sic) that he would give (Pound symbol)10 to anyone
who could prove the truth of the state-
ment. A reply came from Levin, under
date June 30, and signed by Merey Annie
Ferris, as follows:- In reply to an adver-
tisement which appeared in a late issue of
your paper, by F.W.Ferris, offering to
place ten pounds ((lb symbol)10) in your hand if it
could be proved that he is a married man,
I beg to claim the amount, as I am his
lawful wife. I am pleased to hear of his
being in such a good financial position,
and the money will come in very handy
for his six children and myself. Ferris
was subsequently arrested for wife deser-
tion.

The Tenterfield Star, Wednesday Morning, August 18 1897

There is a superstition in Auckland
that it is unlucky to give a steamer a
name beginning with a T. Here is a
list of large vessels so named that have
come to grief: Tairoa, Tararua, Taupo,
Taranaki, Tauranga, Tasmania.
...Titanic...

I'm pretty sure I have more lying around somewhere...

[InaVegt]

The Tenterfield Star, Wednesday Morning, September 29 1897

News in a Nutshell
...
A women(sic) in the north of Scotland
recently had to be treated at the infir-
mary because she had dislocated her
jaw while laughing.

That's possible? :smalleek:

There are a few things that could be responsible for that, like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome; sounds unlikely to happen to perfectly healthy people without some sort of disorder, though.

[Eldan]

Well, as far as I know we have patents today in switzerland, no idea how it was back then, though.


Hmm. Thinking about it, Einstein worked in a patent office here, so we must have had them at least in his time.

[Lycan 01]

Those are awesome. :smallbiggrin:

Wait... You can/could get arrested for wife desertion? :smallconfused:

Man, I'd love to see that law enforced around here... Hah hah.

[Mauve Shirt]

My jaw sometimes dislocates when I yawn, and I have no disorder.

Also, lol millennialism.

[Faulty]

Wow, the one about the Chiense guy is disturbingly Kafkan.

[evisiron]

These are great Serp. Thanks for taking the time to share them with us. :smallsmile: