ondonaflash
2009-02-22, 09:18 PM
So I'm writing a story, a tragic tale of revenge, following a few archetypes, and subverting a few others, but the main story is that of a man hunting down a demon. The climax of this story is about two thirds of the way in, where the man foregoes his quest for vengeance in lieu of a family life. He stays home with his wife, a major character in the story, and tries to live a peaceful life. This of course can not stand, so the Demon leads an attack against his wife's workplace as part of a more intricate plot. The main character fights his way from the rear of the attack into the central hall of where his wife is, and this is where I am undecided. The goal of the passage is to be heart rending, sad, and devastating, and to provide the Protagonist with the motivation he needs to continue onwards and kill the demon (quite brutally I might add). To that end I have two potential trains of thought.
The First: He struggles through the rear of the Demon's attack force, killing his way into the center of the battle, where his wife is fending off teams of monsters. He is held up by an elite force of monsters, and temporarily disabled, as he fights his way to his wife the Demon arrives with a surprise attack, blasting her against the wall. The Hero struggles valiantly to get to her, but as he gets close the Demon drives his spear through her chest, killing her before the hero's very eyes, causing the hero to fall to his knees in grief and anger, before devastating the attack force and forcing the Demon into a retreat.
The Second: He starts outside of his wife's college, fighting his way through the attack force, killing monster after monster, turning the tide in the battle, pushing them to flight, as the monsters flee before him, he races to her rescue only to find... she's already dead. He's too late, everything he did was for nothing.
Which of these has greater emotional impact? Which one do you prefer? Why? thanks for your help.
The First: He struggles through the rear of the Demon's attack force, killing his way into the center of the battle, where his wife is fending off teams of monsters. He is held up by an elite force of monsters, and temporarily disabled, as he fights his way to his wife the Demon arrives with a surprise attack, blasting her against the wall. The Hero struggles valiantly to get to her, but as he gets close the Demon drives his spear through her chest, killing her before the hero's very eyes, causing the hero to fall to his knees in grief and anger, before devastating the attack force and forcing the Demon into a retreat.
The Second: He starts outside of his wife's college, fighting his way through the attack force, killing monster after monster, turning the tide in the battle, pushing them to flight, as the monsters flee before him, he races to her rescue only to find... she's already dead. He's too late, everything he did was for nothing.
Which of these has greater emotional impact? Which one do you prefer? Why? thanks for your help.