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Andre Fairchilde
2009-02-24, 11:27 PM
Hello -



I'm looking for funny titles of books to put on the bookshelves of my dungeons.

I DM a 3.5 game, but the system and the genre don't matter, please post any funny titles you've seen.

One example might be "Kama Orcish" or "Goblin Sutra"

RandomLunatic
2009-02-25, 12:15 AM
Alchemy for Dummies, by Stan Wellback
Under the Latrines, by Seymore Butz
Dungeoncrawling Tips, by Sir Hugo I
Overland Travel Made Easy, by Carrie Me.
Khorvaire on 2cCoppers a Day

Archpaladin Zousha
2009-02-25, 12:25 AM
I must reccomend 1,001 Tomes, Books and Scrolls (http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?t=934301) on the WOTC boards. Not only are there a wealth of titles, they also have detailed descriptions of each book!

bosssmiley
2009-02-25, 06:07 AM
"Kama Orcish" or "Goblin Sutra"

The horror. The horror! :smalleek:

From the Tome Series: One Hundred Books that you can find in a Fantasy Setting
22. Djinn Fermentation Techniques
27. Etherealness, Property, and Government
28. Extreme Cold: A Goblinís Tale
29. Ettercap: The Terrible Secret Reality
30. The Crawling Darkness: Practical Necromancies
36. Giant Crab!
37. The Giant Kingdom: A Travelerís Perspective
39. Grafting Flesh and Lead
40. Gold: Providence and Necessity
42. Horror and Birds
51. The Fly and the Serpent: Against the Giant Frog
58. Last of its Kind: Twelve Dying Races
59. Dark Revelations V through IX
62. Industrial Uses of Slimes, Molds and Jellies
67. Political Maneuvers of the Depraved
79. Taxidermy for Profiteers
80. A Treatise on the Efficacy of Fungal Remedies
82. Ur Priest: Eating the Gods
86. Surprisingly Delicious Things
87. Tracking the Wily Displacer Beast
88. Potion Miscibility
90. Wanderers of the Void: Giant Frog
94. Path of the Mud Sorcerer
98. Your Word Against Mine: The Kobold Problem

@v: Al-Azif, aka "Mad Abdul's Eldritch Bumper Fun Book" (Classical Arabic is a language of extraordinary brevity)

Tsotha-lanti
2009-02-25, 11:07 AM
The obvious ones:

- Al Azif
- Liber Ivonis
- Book of Skelos
- Nameless Cults
- Chaat Aquadingen

Atelm
2009-02-25, 11:12 AM
Six Centuries of English Spells
Nameless Horrors and What to Do About Them
An Answer for Night-Hags
Krankenhammer by Stefan Schimpf, the mad cobbler of Mainz.

Prometheus
2009-02-25, 06:49 PM
Common Sphinx Riddles
Encyclopedia of Enchanted Tomes
Pelor Loves You: Hymns for children
Theoretical Space-Time Curvature of the Far Realm
My Husband is a Doppleganger!
Stunning Nymphs: Wild and Unconquered Lands
There is no such thing as Psionics
Upwards Waterfalls, and other Magical Anomalies of Nature
Spells that Never Caught on

If you do this, you totally should reward them for keeping especially useful books and using them at the right time. If they gravitate towards one or two, you might even want to put events in it that would allow them to use their books intelligently.

Thurbane
2009-02-25, 07:32 PM
A Treatise of Alchemical Reagents
Demons and Devils: A Comparative Study
Fifty Dwarven Drinking Songs
Gnomish Poetry For Beginners
I, Warforged
The Battle of Emridy Meadows
The Enlightened Ruminations of Ethelbert
The Paladin's Dilemma

Xuincherguixe
2009-02-25, 07:55 PM
A permutation on a programming book...

Paradigms of construct intelligence: case studies in common true naming

NPCMook
2009-02-25, 08:08 PM
Houses & Housewives: Home Owner's Guide(D&D: DMG)
Houses & Housewives: Player's Chore List(D&D: PHB)
Houses & Housewives: Pests(D&D: MM)

Houses & Housewives: For when you need a break from adventuring

Mr. Pin
2009-02-25, 08:13 PM
A Treatise on Attacks of Opportunity, by O.B. Skewer, or a similar title which suggests that a certain hard-to-get rule might take a whole book to really explain.

JeminiZero
2009-02-25, 08:22 PM
Hairy Porter and the Tomb of Horrors

Swooper
2009-02-25, 08:38 PM
A Treatise on Attacks of Opportunity, by O.B. Skewer, or a similar title which suggests that a certain hard-to-get rule might take a whole book to really explain.
O.B. Skewer is an artist's name, this book was actually written by Lord Robilar :smallwink:

Raum
2009-02-25, 08:46 PM
I'm looking for funny titles of books to put on the bookshelves of my dungeons.A few ideas:
On Treasure Hordes: Why Banks are Never a Safe Place to Store Your Precious Gold
Magic, the Silent Killer! How Magic Use Leads to Certain Death.
Never Trust a Dragon
Daemonology for Beginners: How to Deal with a Devil and Keep Your Soul
The Social and Educational Dynamics of Crafting: Why Adventurers make the Best Craftsmen
How to Serve Human: 101 Recipes (A classic!)

Edit: Here are some classic RL books (http://asiya.org/article.php/GrimoiresandClassics) for your enjoyment / use.

TheThan
2009-02-25, 08:58 PM
For the mixed library.


High Magics for the Wizard
The Merchant Goddess' Sanctuaries
Essential Transfigurations
A Giant's Circulatory System: With Illustrations
The Alchemist's Grimoire of Essential Evocation
A Cross-Examination of the Sword and Net
The Legendary Priests of the All-Seeing Sky God
The Sexual Habits of The Jabberwock
Remedial Summonings for Magi
The Peacetime Application of Summoning
Classic Evocations
A Discussion of the Covert Use of Daggers
Illusions for Wizards
An Overview of The Dietary Habits of Wyverns
Mysterious Prayers to the Great Animal Gods

Mando Knight
2009-02-25, 10:28 PM
...Then you throw in a fastball, giving them the title of a real book...
Like Sun Tzu's The Art of War. "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!"Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, 'cause he invented it! And then he perfected it, so that no living man may best him in the ring of honor!

Then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them all onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one.

And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place, it's called a Tzu!
UNLESS IT'S A FARM!

Kris Strife
2009-02-25, 10:41 PM
The Nominomicon: Delicious arcane recipies.

ArchaeologyHat
2009-02-26, 10:03 AM
Some "evil" books.

Necromancy for preschoolers
Liber Pestilentia (mmm psudolatin)
Evil magicks for dummies: Referance for the rest of us
Shamanistic shadows: One hundred generations of undead subversion in southern Scandinavia (Replace Scandinavia with another place name, this is a real book, it's about the Mesolithic)

Artanis
2009-02-26, 01:41 PM
-A phone book for R'lyeh.
-Battlefield <insert world here>. It'd go well in a torture chamber*.
-Psionics for Dummies.
-Hideous Creatures of the World. Make it full of pictures of Mialee in a bikini.



*Have you ever seen the Battlefield Earth movie? Well, the book was worse. Much, much worse. So much worse, in fact, that movie ranks among the greatest accomplishments in the history of cinema because the book was just that ****ing bad.


I, Warforged
I...I think I love you :smallsmile:

/me is a big Sci-Fi fan

Assassin89
2009-02-26, 02:16 PM
Book of infinite planes (It's not magical though)
How to defeat a house cat
History of the Great War
A History of the <insert race here> homelands
How to Humiliate Your Enemies (for gnomes)
How to Tell the Difference Between Dwarves

Telonius
2009-02-26, 02:28 PM
Your Changing Body: Information for Teen Druids
A Course in Miracle, Cleric's Guide
Behind the Music: Stories of Recovering Bards
Collected Dwarvish Drinking Songs, Volume 165

Radar
2009-02-26, 02:40 PM
"Arcana for morally challenged" - for example about use of "dominate person" and "programmed amnesia" like spells.
"On writing pacts: general guidelines and case study." - in infernal (i geuss it's the language for devils)
"Armor conservation"
"Everything you wanted to know about sex, but you were afraid to ask." - just like the real one but in draconic or reptilian or something like that.
"Potion addiction and you"

Ascension
2009-02-26, 02:51 PM
Just How Do You Spell Fharlangan? or Why the God of Travel Answers to Many Names

How to Run the Perfect Con by Rip Offenbach, High Priest of Olidammara
-Every time it is opened it 'ports all nonliving material... especially money... off of the person who opened it, like that one trap in Tomb of Horrors, and deposits the loot in Offenbach's treasure room.

Curmudgeon
2009-02-26, 07:53 PM
Official Sigma Iotia II Rules of Fizzbin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fizzbin#Fizzbin).

Istari
2009-02-26, 08:02 PM
The Life and Times of Leroy Jenkins