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afroakuma
2009-04-01, 01:25 PM
While VUAV is on hiatus, it seemed like the ideal time to post this alternate contest. As people remember, I liked fiddling (or outright letting slide the rules when building) with the big CR baddies so much so that I simply had to run this contest to make an antagonistic deity. Please bold your vote.

April Fools' Day

Currently Voting On: Type

1. Type:


{table=head]Type|Votes
God|
[/table]

2. Race/Species:
Vote for any adjective from any 3.X WotC source. The current table contains only adjectives from the English language. If you vote for an adjective in another source, that's just fine and dandy.

{table=head]Godly Species|Votes
Unique (awesome hat)|
Unique (badass as hell)|
Unique (beardly)|
Unique (black swirly darkness)|
Unique (bodybuilder)|
Unique (cheerleader)
Unique (chubby)|
Unique (evil)|
Unique (fauna)|
Unique (flora)|
Unique (good version of something that's usually evil)|
Unique (Gregorian monk)|
Unique (horny lightning god)|
Unique (jock)|
Unique (Liberace)|
Unique (matronly)|
Unique (merriweather)|
Unique (more arms than a schoolbus full of octopuses)|
Unique (noble)|
Unique (not really unique)|
Unique (other-animal-headed)|
Unique (overpowered)|
Unique (pachyderm-headed)|
Unique (playboy)|
Unique (primitive neanderthal)|
Unique (really a demon prince and not a god)|
Unique (savage humanoid)|
Unique (scaly)|
Unique (sex kitten)|
Unique (shiny)|
Unique (Tony Jay's voice)|
Unique (treehugger)
Unique (ugly)
Unique (wrinkly old hag)[/table]


2b. Class:
You may vote for other classes, but please bear in mind that all other classes have been disallowed. Non-core classes are italicized.

{table=head]Class|Votes|Class|Votes
Matador (new)|[/table]

3. Divine Rank:

{table=head]CR Divine Rank|Votes
1|
2|
3|
4|
5|
6|
7|
8|
9|
10|
11|
12|
13|
14|
15|
16|
17|
18|
19|
20|
Overpower!!!! Woo!!!!|
[/table]

4. Alignment:

{table=head]Alignment|Votes|Alignment|Votes|Alignment|Votes
Lawful Good||Neutral Good||Chaotic Good|
Lawful Neutral||Neutral||Chaotic Neutral|
Lawful Evil||Neutral Evil||Chaotic Evil|
[/table]















No. There's nothing funny in this one. Screw you for looking. :smallyuk:

5. Primary Motivation Why it wants you dead:

{table=head]Motivation|Votes
Doesn't know any better|
Doesn't like you|
Doesn't like your face|
Doesn't like your sister's face|
Insanity|
It's an omnipotent douche|
It's better than you|
It's smarter than you|
It's that time of year|
It wants to be the fairest one of all|
Jilted at the proverbial altar. By you|
No such thing as a free lunch|
Nothing personal, it just hates you|
Nothing personal, it just wants to blow up the world|
Prisoner's dilemma|
There's a sacrifice coming up, and you volunteered|
There's a sacrifice coming up, and you were volunteered|
You are completely blameless for this unwarranted hate! Honest!|
You are directly responsible for the continuing success of American Idol|
You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor. Take her away!|
You broke its artifact|
You broke its statue|
You broke its temple|
You programmed Vista|
You're a rutting divine spouse's little accident|
You're a rutting divine spouse's little golf getaways|
You Rick Rolled it|
You seduced the high priestess|
You also seduced the drunk priestess. Have you no shame?|
You stole its artifact|
You stole its statue|
You stole your father's armor; ran away from home; impersonated a soldier; deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese army - destroyed my palace!|
You stopped its plan for world domination|
[/table]

April Fools' Day

chiasaur11
2009-04-01, 01:32 PM
Lessee.

Species: Unique (cunning hat)
Rank: 20
Class: Matador. And by matador, I mean the matador class that focuses on bar fights and heavy weapons.
Alignment: Chaotic Neutal
Motivation: You looked like you were going to start a fair fight.

Thane of Fife
2009-04-01, 01:48 PM
Hmm, the sweet scent of democracy at work.

Could we at least vote for alternate words for God? Like, say, Immortal? Almighty One? Deity? Ineffable Being?

Pronounceable
2009-04-01, 02:13 PM
This is my kind of democracy.

I vote god.

Juhn
2009-04-01, 02:16 PM
I vote Deity. Because that's apparently the only option. Assuming Diety = God, at least.

Are we seriously spending a whole day on this stage?

afroakuma
2009-04-01, 02:19 PM
I urge you folks to peek into the next few votes. :smallwink: April Fools', y'all!

Owrtho
2009-04-01, 02:26 PM
Hmmm, Well, I'll have to go with the clear winner. DM. You also forgot the Race/Species Unique(Do not look directly at lest insanity followed by death ensue).

Owrtho

Juhn
2009-04-01, 02:27 PM
Most of them seem normal(ish...) enough, though I notice you really seem to want a Matador diety.

afroakuma
2009-04-01, 02:29 PM
Well, it's been such a popular option in past VUA's that I felt I should move it to the forefront, you know - really give it the role that the audience obviously seeks. It's a real crowd pleaser.

Dienekes
2009-04-01, 03:42 PM
Species: Unique (Liberace) how can you not have a homicidal Liberace god?
Class: Matador. And by matador, I mean the matador class that focuses on wearing sparkly outfits and strutting around animals.
Divine Rank: 20
Alignment: True Neutral. Place OotS joke here.
Why it wants you dead: It want's to be the fairest one of all

The Tygre
2009-04-01, 03:48 PM
Master! You have returned! My days of darkness are over! Huzzah!

I throw my vote in for Wrinkly Old Hag! I just got finished reading the second Lady Penitent book, and looking around, I just don't see enough Kiarnaslee and Cegilune characters around.

Class should clearly be Binder; she talks to Vestiges so epic and secret, even most other gods don't know about them.

I'm gonna' go ahead and give her a Divine Rank of...ooh, 13. Still pretty powerful, but more of a cult power for now. Leaves room for improvement.

Alignment: Neutral Evil, the ass-hole alignment.

And she wants me dead because You stole your father's armor; ran away from home; impersonated a soldier; deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese army - DESTROYED MY PALACE! Yeah, Disney quotes are motivations unto themselves.

afroakuma
2009-04-01, 03:51 PM
Master! You have returned! My days of darkness are over! Huzzah!

I have not. Not yet. My return will be heralded by the rupturing of the far wall that shields us from what could have been and the rise of one unborn by the chance, fickle swayings of the masses.

The Tygre
2009-04-01, 03:56 PM
I have not. Not yet. My return will be heralded by the rupturing of the far wall that shields us from what could have been and the rise of one unborn by the chance, fickle swayings of the masses.

So it is written, so it shall be, my dark master.

afroakuma
2009-04-01, 04:03 PM
Exactly. And that will be awesome indeed.

arguskos
2009-04-01, 04:05 PM
So it is written, so it shall be, my dark master.
What he said. :smallbiggrin:

Alteran
2009-04-01, 04:41 PM
It was a tough choice, but I'm going to go with god.

Shadow_Elf
2009-04-01, 05:21 PM
Hrhmmmm...

Well....

No...

Maybe?...

I Wonder...

What if?...

I guess I'll go with God, but it was a hard choice. God was a veeeeery close second for me.

afroakuma
2009-04-01, 05:24 PM
Before this gets too far, I just want to remind everyone:
I'm not actually going to do up a god. This is a gag for April 1st.

As people remember, I liked fiddling (or outright letting slide the rules when building) with the big CR baddies so much so that I simply had to run this contest to make an antagonistic deity.

blackspeeker
2009-04-01, 05:37 PM
Wait, so does this mean we're not getting an awesome hat voiced by tony jay?

Thane of Fife
2009-04-01, 05:46 PM
Before this gets too far, I just want to remind everyone:
I'm not actually going to do up a god. This is a gag for April 1st.

:smallfrown:

Aww.
Any chance that you could add god as a type in the next VUAV, then?

*Crosses fingers*

Lappy9000
2009-04-01, 05:50 PM
Before this gets too far, I just want to remind everyone:
I'm not actually going to do up a god. This is a gag for April 1st.http://webzoom.freewebs.com/lego12340/Heck_Yes.jpg
Damn you Afroakuma! Damn you to hell!

Shadow_Elf
2009-04-01, 05:58 PM
http://webzoom.freewebs.com/lego12340/Heck_Yes.jpg
Damn you Afroakuma! Damn you to hell!
Great job getting my hopes up and stuff... why not just let the contest run? You never know... someone might get inspired by it...
QFT :smalltongue:.

DracoDei
2009-04-01, 06:47 PM
Oh, I figured that, but the resulting possibilities are interesting enough that I think we might actually want to see this thing through... maybe skip the class round this time. I would say we should skip this round too, but since we already started it...

god

Juhn
2009-04-01, 06:57 PM
Before this gets too far, I just want to remind everyone:
I'm not actually going to do up a god. This is a gag for April 1st.

Well, you had mentioned it a while back, and I wouldn't put it past you to do up a god one of these days.

Have I mentioned how much I dislike online April Fools' jokes?

afroakuma
2009-04-01, 07:11 PM
Well, you had mentioned it a while back, and I wouldn't put it past you to do up a god one of these days.

I wouldn't put it past me either, but April 1st is not one of those days.


Have I mentioned how much I dislike online April Fools' jokes?

Oh, don't be such a wet blanket. Go snicker at the preposterous options and be comforted by a real placeholder showing up soon.

chiasaur11
2009-04-01, 07:25 PM
I have not. Not yet. My return will be heralded by the rupturing of the far wall that shields us from what could have been and the rise of one unborn by the chance, fickle swayings of the masses.

That's what Zarthulu said too, though, and all HE does is sit around watching TV and eating brownies.

Gorgondantess
2009-04-01, 08:09 PM
Wait, so does this mean we're not getting an awesome hat voiced by tony jay?

Truly. Tony Jay being worm food might get in the way:smallfrown:, but nevertheless- you've gotta go for the deep, beautiful baritone and really cool hat. I'm talkig really, really cool hat. Like, way cooler than any hat ever. A hat for gods. I seriously think Afro should keep this vote open, so we can vote up a cool hat god. And I've always wanted a matador villain, but have been too late in the voting to even try to create a bandwagon.

afroakuma
2009-04-01, 08:15 PM
Which reminds me; did you ever look at Prystele?

The Tygre
2009-04-01, 09:38 PM
Which reminds me; did you ever look at Prystele?

Yes, my glorious dark master. I have seen to it that all those who have not seen the holy one have had their eyes removed by being replaced with an exact duplicate set of eyes.

The Bookworm
2009-04-01, 09:56 PM
How about about Unique (All the other options at once)? Overpower!!!!!!Woo!!! for "Divine Rank"!

Sereg
2009-04-02, 01:05 AM
While I realised that this was an April Fool's joke upon seeing the type vote, I still think that this is a good idea thus, I vote God, with the subtype Unique (one that you are actually going to do)

Zeta Kai
2009-04-02, 01:16 AM
Well, I have to say that I actually like the Primary Motivations Why It Wants You Dead. Some are funny, but most are genuinely intriguing.

The Neoclassic
2009-04-02, 02:55 AM
But... this is so amusing! You really aren't going to make a deity out of this? Oh well... It was a well-done joke!

Alteran
2009-04-02, 04:14 PM
If it was a real vote, an option for Divine Rank would have been POWER!!! I hope I got that colour right.