Funny Gaming stories [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

Eleutherius

2009-04-02, 04:40 PM

I love these threads so much.

I had this one campaign that was doomed to be nothing but hilarity from the start. First of all I was running the campaign with a bunch of first timers and one veteran whose ego could be likened to that of Miko. His character was a rogue named Bruce-Lee who worshipped a God called Brock-Lee. We also had a human Barbarian we all kept forgetting his given name and called him Conan the Barbarian.

Our first adventure went well but things started to get out of hand when Bruce wanted to see if the ring he found was magical. (It wasn’t)
Bruce: Is there anything special about this ring?
Shopkeeper: No it’s an ordinary ring.
Bruce: I drop 10gp on the table. Is there anything special about this ring?
Shopkeeper: No it’s an ordinary ring.
Bruce: I drop 50gp on the table. Are you sure?
Shopkeeper: (taking the gold) Well now that I look at it again I think it’s a ring of protection.
Bruce: I put the ring in the shopkeeper’s finger. So it will protect you if I try to cut your hand off?
Shopkeeper: No, it deflects incoming attracts not slow attacks at close range.
Bruce: I cut his hand off.
Me: He screams in pain and calls out his friend, an ogre to come pound you into a bloody past.

And so the party blew most of their first payload on a resurrection spell.

Later after a few more adventures the heroes tallied up their XP
Conan: I made it to level 4
Bruce: Aww man! I’m 10 XP short. (He thinks for a moment) I slap a clown.
Me: Um ... what?
Bruce: I slap a clown!
Me: Fine, gather information to find a clown and then make an unarmed strike.
Bruce: (succeeding both checks) Do I get 10 XP for slapping the clown?
Me: Fine.
Bruce: WOOT!!!

Later on, after finding the first of five golden Broccoli idols (don’t ask) I decided to try my hand at a recurring villain.

Me: you emerge from the dungeon and see the clown Bruce slapped mounted on a hippogriph and two circus acrobat monks.
My plans were foiled when Conan killed both monks with a single sword swing and the party ranger shot the hipogripg out of the sky when the clown tried to escape.

There were a few more funny moments but I’ll post them later, once I’ve heard some of your stories.

Graymayre

2009-04-02, 05:03 PM

Eleutherius

2009-04-02, 05:33 PM

That is a piece of both comedic gold and strategic genius.

Ravens_cry

2009-04-02, 05:42 PM

Oh do I have a tale of adventure for you guys!

Our party consisted of a Warforged (fighter), a human (Artificer, that's me!) another human (paladin of the silver flame) and a [race not found] (ranger).

We went out into the can-you-believe-the-ratio-of-normal-animals-to-f***ing-monsters Woods around Sharn, to find a band of brigands that were robbing the local area.

When we got to their camp, the warforged and I concoct a brilliant scheme! I glamer his body to look like a human's (yes, I made sure clothing was in the illusion). Then I readied a scroll of enlarge person.

The warforged ambled lazily into the center of the camp and made sure the highwaymen noticed him. Then, he deactivated the glamer by ripping at his chest, the illusion came off as if he was shedding his skin. As he did that, I used my scroll on him.

The robbers looked in horror as the warforged ripped off his human skin and grew to twice his height.

In a fit of rage he screamed "I AM THE FLESHWEARER!" points at thug leader "YOU WILL BE MY NEW SKIN!"

They ran in horror, we chased, priceless. :smallamused:
Take an internet. Any internet. That. . . is just win-tastic! Bully, just bully!

Lycan 01

2009-04-02, 06:53 PM

Oh do I have a tale of adventure for you guys!

Our party consisted of a Warforged (fighter), a human (Artificer, that's me!) another human (paladin of the silver flame) and a [race not found] (ranger).

We went out into the can-you-believe-the-ratio-of-normal-animals-to-f***ing-monsters Woods around Sharn, to find a band of brigands that were robbing the local area.

When we got to their camp, the warforged and I concoct a brilliant scheme! I glamer his body to look like a human's (yes, I made sure clothing was in the illusion). Then I readied a scroll of enlarge person.

The warforged ambled lazily into the center of the camp and made sure the highwaymen noticed him. Then, he deactivated the glamer by ripping at his chest, the illusion came off as if he was shedding his skin. As he did that, I used my scroll on him.

The robbers looked in horror as the warforged ripped off his human skin and grew to twice his height.

In a fit of rage he screamed "I AM THE FLESHWEARER!" points at thug leader "YOU WILL BE MY NEW SKIN!"

They ran in horror, we chased, priceless. :smallamused:

I am laughing my head off and applauding your tactic genius all at the same time. Bravo, good sir... :smallcool:

Lets see.......

I'm actually having trouble recalling my funny stories. I need to keep them copied/pasted somewhere for times like this...

Off the top of my head, a few weeks ago my Star Wars players used a Destiny Point to give Watto (winged dude from Ep 1) cancer and only 3 days left to live. :smalleek:

Oh, and one time Nyarlathotep backhanded a player's face off in Call of Cthulhu. Hey, it was funny for me... :smallamused:

Assassin89

2009-04-02, 07:31 PM

Here's one funny tale involving the astral plane.

Our party consisted of a Warforged (healer) a human (Psychic Warrior), a Stonechild, an Illumian(fighter) and a half elf (Cleric, me).

When looking for a mansion that belongs to a wizard, we encountered a hole where the mansion would have been. My character then volunteers to be thrown down the hole if he was tied to a rope. The other party member were happy with throwing me. After landing in the hole, I discovered some fluid.

When returning to a town, the warforged entered a shop and asked the about the nature of the fluid. The wizard who ran the shop said that the fluid originated from the astral plane. The warforged then asked which plane the fluid came from. The DM then became annoyed by this question, as it was already answered. The poor wizard's troubles were not over, as the group researched a locator spell to determine where in the astral plane the demiplane the mansion now resides in, and that wizard was the one who knew the spell.

Shpadoinkle

2009-04-02, 07:59 PM

The robbers looked in horror as the warforged ripped off his human skin and grew to twice his height.

In a fit of rage he screamed "I AM THE FLESHWEARER!" points at thug leader "YOU WILL BE MY NEW SKIN!"

They ran in horror, we chased, priceless. :smallamused:

Okay, that's just... there are no words to describe how awesome a plan that was.

Graymayre

2009-04-02, 08:41 PM

If you don't mind Lycan, I'd like to sig some of your reply. :smallsmile:

On another note:
Here's another tale of daring. Years ago, I played a gnome bard that found it necessary to infiltrate a goblin warcamp by himself. Why? Well, I was still new to my group, and they decided that if I was going to be suicidal, it should be far away from them.

I disguised myself as a goblin and bluffed my way into the camp (claiming to be an emissary from a neighboring friendly goblin tribe).

While inside, I was distracted by the sight of an ugly (even by their standards) goblin. I had actually fought this pne earlier in the session when it had killed several commoners.

Deciding that the goblin chieftain can wait, I walk up to this warrior and declare that he is a weakling compared to me.

He spits on me and says that he is much more powerful in everyway.

"Is that so?" I retort, "then you'll have no problem drinking some of my fresh made Nogger-brew!" I then pull out a flask full of acid and succeed on a bluff check.

"I'll show you!" he says, stealing the vial from my hands and chugging the entire thing. Within seconds, his stomach boils open and he collapses to the ground. I, of course, am declared the toughest goblin in the camp. They'd probably still be talking about me if we didn't burn down the place a few days afterward. :smallwink:

Lycan 01

2009-04-02, 09:03 PM

The Deej

2009-04-02, 09:06 PM

Okay, I think I'll post a story from the game I was in last year. I can't remember everyone's character's names, and I didn't quite manage to transcribe every comment we said (mostly because we were all laughing to hard), but there was a Warforged artificer, a halfling paladin (peregrin), a drow archivist (Kelnozz, this was me), and the source of the situation, a lizardfolk ranger (Rakasha).

I will note beforehand as well that in real life the following actions would be far from funny, but considering that the player in question is someone who is rather squeamish herself, and also considering that she was seriously and innocently asking what she was, we found it hilarious at the time.

So anyway, we had just finished off some Yuan-Ti that had kidnapped a baby, but failed to stop them from completing the ritual that we figured out was to turn the baby into a reincarnation of a Yuan-Ti god. This was a good-aligned party, so we were at an impasse on what to do with the still-transforming baby.

The following is a selection of what I did manage to write down for sake of records:

Warforged: Kelnozz? Peregrin? could you confer with me please?
*all three step aside and turn backs.

Rakasha to DM: can I poke it?
DM: Umm...yeah?
Rakasha: I think I might eat it.
DM: *rather incredulous look*

Rakasha: Will the Paladin be mad if I eat the baby?
*uncontrollable laughter*
Rakasha: Okay, I eat the baby. Wait, will it give me a stomach ache?

Rakasha: Okay, I take it behind a rock and devour it. What does it taste like?
DM: Um...it tastes good...really fatty, almost sinfully good?

Player1: you ate the bones they gotta come out somewhere.
Player 2: she's reptillian, she could cough them up.
Rakasha: yeah, I do that later when I'm alone. And I put the bones in my trophy room.

Olo Demonsbane

2009-04-02, 09:07 PM

In a fit of rage he screamed "I AM THE FLESHWEARER!" points at thug leader "YOU WILL BE MY NEW SKIN!"

I hope you don't mind if I sig this...:smallsmile:

The_JJ

2009-04-02, 09:12 PM

There was one campaign I was in where we found a giant maze with portals leading out into different multiverses. We found a control room, with all the controls labeled in pictograms. Then we found a rossetta stone. We translated, the first, oh, paragraph or so, which read something like. "If you do not leave this land in X days we will send our monsters to destroy you."

Now, on one control panel, we have a number of symbols, one of which was the 'monsters.' One play, young, brash, experienced enough to be confident, but not yet truely paranoid, as much of the rest of the group was, decided to hit the 'monster' symbol repeatedly. (I believe the panel included a map, and he was looking to get a status report or some such. Or maybe it was because it was under the 'destroy symbol') Anyway, another panel beeps a coupla times, and then another charactor, a level headed mage, walked in and told him to cut it out.

That night, our refugee camp outside of the maze was utterly thrashed by a horde of monsters. For the rest of the campaign everytime we left the maze we got a nice little description of the slowly shinking pile of corpses, the litany of resurection capable healers burnt out by the effort, the smell etc. etc.

Needless to say, we left the panal we enough alone after that. Until the climax.

Blah blah, hunt down malevolent precursors, blah blah, power struggle between other worlds that found the maze blah, NPC's assisinated, blah, negotiations with other worlds blah, unicorns, blah, solving food crisis, blah and then the showdown. DMPC heroic sacrifices, PC heroic sacrifices, my beastmaster's pets reduced to 0 via heroic sacrificing etc. etc.

We set up a famous last stand type block around the portal we are trying to prevent the baddies from coming out of. We'd stunk it up in a few of the midgame quests (I blame poor plot hooking and unrealistic time constraints :smalltongue:) and it's showing, because the baddies have their allies join in the fun. The defenses are failing.

I book it back to the control room with another PC and the co-DM, after a quick consultation with the claryvoient. We hit the panals, figure out panal three and one (status reports and security camera super scry) Then we turn to 'summon army of monsters from the ether' panal two. I hit the 'lightning' symbol, and a bolt of lighting slams into the middle of the control room. I try again, and ditto happens. Then I realize that the map on panal two was a targeting screen, and right at the moment, centered over the control room. I shift it over, point it at the portal, and then I hit the destroy symbol.

Co-DM blanches, writes down what we did on a piece of paper, and heads over to the main table, slips it to the DM, who is in the midst of describing how the villian in standing just out side of the portal, brandishing in one hand the head of Most Holy Paladin Leader Sir Epic-Level in one hand and in the other Sir's Most Holy Epic Sword of constant healing. Which is either supposed to impose an alignment change or destroy evildoes who try to wield it. He is laughing as holy flames lick his hands. Evidentally a Xanitos Gambit just went down very badly.

The slip is passed, the DM reads it whilst still Hamming it up. He looks at the Co-DM, eyebrow raised. The Co-DM nods. Dm continues "... cower, fools! You should have accepted my terms, but you wnet further and released me from my prison, and killed my rivals. Ha! I might as well- at which point the portal behind turns bright white, and liquifies the surrounding 20 ft or so in a magically contained antimatter reation. Everyone with in 50 ft take force damage. Good game everyone."

... well, it started out funny, but I couldn't stop. Ah, whatever.

Graymayre

2009-04-02, 09:23 PM

And once again, you've provided us with an awesome story. Very clever with the acid bit... I wonder if you're considered a martyr to the Goblin cause now, since some adventurers supposedly killed you. XD

It's possible, the camp was overun by orcs later. Once the orcs were destroyed, it was taken over by goblins again, and we never went back (I guess we considered them the lesser of two evils). No doubt the goblins that retook the settlement were descendents of the first camp. I wonder what they're calling me right now...

I hope you don't mind if I sig this...:smallsmile:

By all means. :smallwink:

Irate Ranger

2009-04-02, 09:45 PM

I played a dwarf barbarian one time, and insisted on doing the ridiculously bad scottish accent. The DM found this quite amusing, and decided to torment me the whole night.

As the campaign began in a tavern (No, we didn't meet there, the party all knew eachother beforehand, and we where only in the tavern to meet a potential employer.) Some ******* in the kitchens kept putting small hairy things in my drink, and the waitress I complained too couldn't understand my accent. Later we find out that our employer had bailed on our meeting because the tavern was filled with assasins. Turns out the hair in my booze was from a representative of the local wererat guild.

The second time, we where escorting a merchant caravan to another city (we decided that a city with taverns filled with assasins would not be a good spot to start the adventure.) and none of the caravan guards or merchants could understand what I was saying (Had to let our sorcerer do the talking for me) which made coordination rather difficult during the bugbear ambush. The only survivors where our party of four and the caravan leader, but I killed him because the DM was being a smartass.

Anyways, we decided to just take all the loot from the dead merchants and run off (We where playing mercenaries, after all.) but unfortunately we found a map to a large treasure trove somewhere nearby, and because or de-facto leader was disappointed with the loot from our caravan, so we ended up going. I told them it was a stupid idea...but he was pretty damn charismatic for a Half-Orc.

As the night dragged on, things progressively got stupider and stupider. We where wandering around some stupid underground ruins looking for some treasure that would probably be the death of us. I kept saying how horrible of an idea it was, but those idiots didn't listen. Of course, after a few encounters and a puzzle or two, we come across these two big stone statues that supposedly lead to the treasure, but they apparently don't understand common. So we all try our native languages (except for our one human.) And it turns out the only language they have any hope of understanding of is dwarven.

As you might have noticed from this story, my DM is a real wiseass.

He says that they can speak dwarven...but they are only familiar with the mountain dwarf dialect. And me, being a savage dwarf from the hills, sound very exotic to them, in my DM's own words: "As if you are speaking with a very thick accent."

Things went downhill from there.

Eleutherius

2009-04-02, 11:27 PM

Nice stories everyone!

This one a little crude but it’s also hilarious.
I was DMing with a group (mostly because I was in a small town and they were the only gamers there). Anyway they went for an adventure in the swamp and sent their two rogues to scout ahead.

Rogue 1: I make a search check of the area (rolls).
Me: You see something shiny in the swamp water.
Rogue 1: I bend down to pick it up.
Rogue 2: Sneak attack butsex :smalleek:
Rogue 1: Nu uh, I have rectal armour +3

Hilarity ensued ...

SoD

2009-04-03, 07:28 AM

Well, the only one that comes to mind now was one I was DMing, a moment with Shyle, the half orc cleric (7 int, 17 wis);

DM: you see a wooden door with a picture of a little goblin on it.
Shyle: I open it. What's inside?
DM: There's a small, square wooden raised area towards the back of the room. Upon closer inspection, there's a hole on top of it, with a foul smell emenating from it. There's also a bunch of books with several bookmarks in them nearby.
Shyle: Is there anything inside?
DM: A mere glance doesn't show anything inside.
Shyle: I make a search check!
DM: ...you want to make a search check of a goblin toilet?
Shyle: ...I make a spot check.

Eleutherius

2009-04-03, 08:04 AM

DM: ...you want to make a search check of a goblin toilet?

A phrase whose rarity may rival that of: "did you just hit me in the face with a pineapple?"

the HZ

2009-04-03, 08:21 AM

My role-playing group decided to try Mutant, a Swedish post-apocalyptic RPG very similar to Gamma World.

The four players rolled up their characters. Two robots, a rich guy with psychic powers and a mutated, winged scholar. Since two players were robots, I informed them that Asimov's laws of robotics apply and explained the laws to them. However, the players interpreted the laws differently. The robot-players interpreted them as "robots are nice, polite and don't kill people", but the psychic interpreted them as "all robots are my personal slaves". This led to a lot of in-game arguing, especially since one of the robots had a modified behaviour protocol and refused to take any orders.

The player who played the mutant scholar didn't want to play for some reason. Instead, he chose to play video games and we started without him.
In the adventure I had prepared, the players started in an old ruined building from the time before the great disaster. Since the players were constantly arguing and the scholar was the only one who understood the technological devices they found, they made little progress. Finally, the fourth player decided to join in.

DM (me): Okay, you're standing in a dark, narrow corridor. One end of the corridor is sealed off by a sturdy metal door. At the other end, there is another security door, stuck halfway closed.
Mutant Scholar: I fly to the others.
DM: You can't fly indoors. Besides, they're several rooms away.
MS: Yes, I can. I fly to them.
DM: So, you're saying you are going to fly through a tight corridor and then through a halfway open door?
MS: Yes. How high is the ceiling?
DM: Er... eight ft?
MS: Well, my character is only five ft tall! I fly to the others!
DM: Oh well. *Rolls eyes* *Rolls dice*
MS: Hey! That's the wrong dice for skill rolls. Besides, you don't need to make a skill roll to fly.
DM: Correct, but I rolled for damage. You lift and hit your head against the ceiling, scratch your wings along the walls and fall face-first on the floor. You take 6 points of damage.

Aramil369

2009-04-03, 08:36 PM

Ok, i was Dming this one.

the party came across one of my homebrew traps, this trap is activated by life energy coming into the aria. the effect can vary but i decided on flames jutting out from the ceiling and floor. now at this time the party was seperated, so their was only a barbarian and the mage.

through trial and error they found out what the trap is triggered by, by having the mages familiar a homonculus travel down the hall.

they had just killed a bunch of orcs (mostly thanks to Brunagar: the barbarian) and Terry (the mage) gets an idea. taking time in between to rest and re-memorize the spell, he casts animate dead and sends them down to the other end of the hall. and now FINALLY the funny quote.

Terry : Ok... throw me into the wall of zombies.

unfortunately he still got burned, he barley survived.

Os1ris09

2009-04-03, 09:48 PM

So I was looking through my dead character book and found my first character ever. I was a human Fighter with a sword/shield thing going on Bastardsword and hvy shield.

So the party I played with was getting into negotiations with a Barbed Devil we called Spiny. Well he wanted us to go get a orb of storms for him. WELL we did just that but our ranger had some choice words for him and the DM's response was "DIE YOU FOUL LESSER RACE!!! roll initiative also Harv make a Fortitude save your attacked first in the suprise round." Well we lost initiative and BAD things followed. Basically can you say a Disintegrate followed by the same spell but higher DC PLUS followed by a poison bolt of like DC 30 Fort basically killed the Ranger flat out. So we get our butts kicked and have to flee. Well our ranger and his gear now belong to spiny along with the orb of storms.

SO I decide to say that we go and kill him and ressurect him then kill him again.

Me: I say we go in bash his spiny head and raise him then bash it again
Rogue: You want to bash that?
Me: Yes. I want to "Bash That"
Rogue: ........ (akward silence)
Me: WHAT?

Little did I know what the inside joke was. So we find spiny again and do exactly what I planned on doing. We were like LVL 18 at this point and well after some choice decissions we cast stone wall between me and the party and spiny. So it was a 1v1 me against a Barbed Devil (yayayaya I know not a good idea).

During the fight we broker a deal. I broke down the stone wall spiny went invisible and went to SA our cleric. WELL I basically backstabbed the B***** and 20/20 killed him.

I proceeded to say that I wanted him to be resurected. The cleric being the only one who could decides okay wth. so we raise him and the following conversation ensues:

Spiny: you betrayed me?
Me: Yep.
Spiny: you sir are more evil than I. (Hands me the rangers equipment and 200,000 gp) Then proceeds to try and plane shift out.
Me: Oh one more thing Spiny.
Spiny: Yes.
Me: you forgot something.....

I hit him again and the rogue 20/20 kills him. LOL to instant kills against him and I get all the gear plus 200,000gp. NOT BAD FOR A FIGHTER!!!

Calinero

2009-04-04, 12:31 PM

I love these threads...I wish I could remember more of my stories. If I manage to recall any, or make one tonight (got a game planned that should be pretty interesting) I'll be sure to come here.

Zaq

2009-04-04, 06:19 PM

Once I was GMing, and I had thrown the party at your standard chasm-full-o'-nasty-stuff (I think it was blood suffused with negative energy). None of them had any means of flight (we were, I think, 6th level, maybe 7th or 8th, but somehow the only one who could fly was the Druid, who didn't have any wild shapes left for the day, and who was not in a flying form, but instead that of a Megaraptor). The bridge had been destroyed on the way across, and they needed to get out of the dungeon. (Last time, the monk had made a crazy flying leap across and had brought a rope with her, but the rope fell sometime between then and now. That monk was now dead, and they were trying to carry her body back.) The rogue gets an idea and asks me for a map of the place, which I had actually made (so it wasn't just a half-assed impulse map), and notices that there are only two walls between the party and the chasm, and they have an adamantine... I think hammer? Some kind of good adamantine weapon. They start chopping through the walls, avoiding the traps (they had cleaned out the area of monsters, so they had time to do this) and making a straight line between their current location and the chasm, which was I think 30 or 40 feet across. (I should mention at this point that they had just fought a fairly major boss-type as well as all his minions, so they really didn't have many resources left.) They eventually make it through, the druid's player starts crunching numbers, and starts buffing himself with Bull's Strength and, fortuitously, Jump, and realizes he can just barely make it across. He's pretty good about not talking while in animal form, so he starts pantomiming that he wants to get everyone on to his back. A few blank looks and sense motive rolls later, the party (the rogue, the bard, and the corpse of the monk, placed in a sack and tied around the druid's neck) is on the druid's back, and I point out that it's now a heavy load. The player makes a few furious recalculations, and gets an idea. In character, he looks the bard square in the eye and begins gesturing to him with his tiny raptor arms. This game was partially online and partially face-to-face (those of us in the city were face to face; the bard was currently on AIM), so the bard didn't really get what he wanted, until the druid gets frustrated and starts humming a, quote, "jaunty raptor tune." The bard catches on and starts inspiring competence (thankfully he was a singer, so he could still hold on to the druid with both hands while performing), and the druid backs all the way up as far as he can go, then runs and leaps across the pit, just barely (by 1!) succeeding on the check to do so, skidding to a stop just in front of his very confused animal companion badger, who had been left at the entrance. I then say, "Thank you for flying Raptor Airlines. Please return your seat backs and tray tables to their upright and locked positions. Please be careful when unloading fallen comrades, as their bodies may have shifted during flight. Raptor Airlines wishes you well in your adventure."

The combination of Raptor Airlines and the "jaunty raptor tune" (which, though the druid's player refused to act out, the rogue's player was more than happy to perform) made that a... memorable session. That also had a boss fight about whom one player remarked "Oh great, we're fighting a bad penis enlargement spam ad?!", but I won't go into that one unless people ask for it.

KazilDarkeye

2009-04-04, 09:48 PM

Some OOC and IC humour here.

OOC

Fact: I, for some reason, like to hand-write the character sheets for my group.
Fact: I have rather small handwriting
Fact: This player (obviously) hadn't memorised a Paladin's Core Spell List.
Result: "...and for my 2nd level spells I'll prepare, uh, Cure Light Wounds...Hold Person...Protection From Chavs? They have a spell for that?"

(Protection From Chaos).

For the IC stories, I recommend my 2 standby quotes.

My group was trekking through Yuan-Ti Forest and had split into 2 parties. This story consists of one party:
NPC: Human (Archery) Ranger
My Friend: Duergar Barbarian
My Sister: Aasimar Bard.

They were walking along when they heard two voices calling out to them

Yuan-Ti: Tresspasserssssss will be killed...
Bard: Hey, they are about 180 f.t away, right?
Me (DM): Yeah, about.
Bard: So we can do stuff before they get here?
Me: Yeah, you could hide.
Barbarian: Not a bad idea.
Bard: I'm gonna cast some spells.
Me: Sure
Bard: First I'll cast Light on my headband.
Me: Right...
Bard: Next I'll cast Summon Monster to summon a Celestial Owl, and cast Light on it as well.
Me: Right....
Bard: I'll tell it to hold on to my back.
Me:O.K.....
Bard: Now I'm gonna use Bardic Knowledge. What's the name of a REALLY powerful angel?
Me: I dunno.....Celestius?
Bard: That's a boy's name.
Me: Fine.......Celestia?
Bard: Great. Now Bluff check (natural 20)
STOP! I AM CELESTIA!

.................................................. ...................................
:smalleek:
<Yuan-Ti start bowing>

I sorta wish that I was making these stories up...

I have another tale, featuring the same bard.

When we were in the town market several miles back, she got talked into buying some (diseased) cookies from a hobo. Spin on a while and we need to cross a "Troll Toll" Bridge over a raging river.

Troll: Give me all yer stuff to cross.
Bard: I'll give you this cookie! (I think her Wisdom was still drained from her eating some)
<Rolls natural 20 on a Diplomacy>
Troll: Well, I is kinda hungry...
<Eats cookie. Upon rolling a natural 2 for his Fortitude save, he half ran and half danced his way to the outhouse>
DM: You are horrible, horrible people.

After this the troll's buddy comes out of the gatehouse. He spots that we have a dwarf (barbarian) in the party, and attacks him. The Barbarian kills him with a critical hit, so I rule he stumbled backward into the gatehouse and landed in the toilet.

Bard: I'm going to seranade him!
<Flushes toilet, then starts playing "Danny Boy". Eventually she realises that the troll sorta clogged the toilet and the water is starting to pool on the floor>
Bard:...the pipes, the pipes came:smalleek:oh holy S***

The water pressure was starting to build up, so she, the fighter, the barbarian and the ranger tried to keep the door shut. My wizard just steps back a good 20 f.t.
There was a shuddering and then we saw the outhouse (the one the first troll went into) rise into the air on a column of...shall we say brown water.

Troll: <opens door> Oh, NOT AGAIN!
DM: Horrible, horrible people....

Ravens_cry

2009-04-04, 11:20 PM

I had a druid named Alnos, who didn't last long, but I had a lot of fun with.
Anyway this is the story of his demise, but it made me laugh thinking about it so I hope it has a similar result for you and yours.
Anyway, we were walking down a narrow (5ft) passage when we encountered a trail of green goo. Out of character, I knew exactly what it was, but in character I didn't have a clue, so on we pressed, with me in front as I had the highest AC. Well soon enough, a, you guessed it, green slime dropped from the ceiling. Right on top of me and my failed reflex save. Well, luckily I had create water prepared, but unluckily, it wasn't enough, especially when a SECOND one came and plopped on top of me. So they, (the other PC's) tried burning it off, but all that did was further lower my hit points. Well, I knew I was going to die from the acid damage next round unless the DM rolled really low. So, in a fit of inspiration, I moaned loudly
"Oh cursed fate! My only regret, is that I have never known the gentle touch of a man or woman!"
I guess I put a bit too much emotion behind it, because one of the the other players turned to me and said,

"Wait, was that in-character or out-of-character?"

(both if you must know.)

Ovaltine Patrol

2009-04-05, 01:12 AM

Graymayre, my friends and I did something similar to your escapade with the Warforged and illusions. The difference in our case is that my caster revealed himself to the brigands in question then performed a benign transposition with the enlarged warforged who had escaped detection. Not quite as awesomely gruesome as your story, but thematically similar.

Pramxnim

2009-04-05, 02:26 AM

@Zag: I'd like to hear the story involving that boss. That was an awesome story by the way :D

Let's see if I can contribute...

I'm sure you all must be familiar with the classic "I go to the bathroom" story. Well here's a variation on that:

One of the players in my group first mentioned going to the bathroom while we were in town and was awarded 10 XP for it. From then on, every once in a while, she would declare that her character is going to use the bathroom, and she still got XP, but with diminishing returns.

Then, in one session, we were infiltrating a sorceress' tower, one filled with traps of all kinds. One type of trap is a sharp circular blade that swings across small corridors, meant to split people in half. They were powered and triggered by arcane runes (my character, who was playing a Red Mage [homebrew Duskblade-type character] discovered that) and we managed to disable most of them. One of those runes, we found under a bed, and I almost triggered an explosive rune while trying to read it (a timely Knowledge check saved me from impending explosion). Right after we discovered the would-be explosive rune, the GM declared that there happened to be a bathroom near where we were, and the aforementioned player leaped with joy and rushed over, despite my warnings about traps. Sure enough, the toilet exploded as she sat on it (the GM pretended that was how explosive runes worked [I know it's not according to the rules, but well, GM's word is law :P]) and hilarity ensued.

In another session (where I was not present for), our group landed on yaoi island and fought a giant penis (well, it was huge size, according to witnesses). I was thankful I missed that particular session...

Hunter Noventa

2009-04-05, 02:39 AM

This happened just today actually. We were on a boat, escorting the Princess back from a diplomatic function. It was a very small boat which was soon attacked by a very large squird. By very large I mean huge. Now me, being a smart fighter, didn't have my armor on because I knew I wouldn't be able to swim very well should I be knocked over. Whichmeant I was in cold wearter furs when the thing struck.

Well after tearing the rudder off the boat, it charged right at us. The ranger got in a good hit, and everyone else started the buff cycle, sadly out sorceror was not present. But that didn't matter. because it was my turns oon enough. I stepped up, and made a single attack. Normally I fight with two weapons, but i was ten feet away from being able to hit it. SO I move up, and I roll.

It comes up a natural 20, which had happened a lot for me lately. I rolled again to confirm. Another natural 20. Now, dure to house rules, i roll again, to see if I increase my damage evenmore. I don't get antoehr threat, but I do confirm. This has the effect of turning my x3 crit into an x4. I deal 62 some odd damage witha single strike, and the squid dies.

Normally, this would be a crowning moment of awesome, but I was even more awesome the previous battle. No, this is funny for the image it evokes. Imagine if you will, a blonde, sixteen year old girl, dressed in winter furs, with a pair of dwarven waraxes. She steps up to the giant squid, brings one axe, crackling with electricity, down on it's head, while yelling "I am the axe that cleaves evil!" and having it proceed to roll up and die for her. I made everyone quite amused, and was the highlight of the day.

Winthur

2009-04-05, 09:39 AM

After our team died in a 2nd session (a mix of bad planning + idiotic party member who foiled our disguise killed us when we tried - on our 1st levels - destroy a bandit camp), we had to roll new characters. So here it goes:
Me: Windle Poons, the human wizard. (yeah, the name is obvious. Also, I played a Wizard previously, but he died too fast, and I just had to play it again, because I was so psyched for a Batman.)
P2: Quentin Quickstep, a kender thief.
P3: Ignatius, a sorcerer (we thought that we will have a fun time roleplaying the difference between the wizard and sorcerer point of view on magic)
P4: Jeremi Wisniowiecki (I guess no relation with the real-life person). This guy decided that he plays a NPC class, the Aristocrat.
P5: Fegan, a human fighter.

Our first session was two hours long and yet hilariously crazy.
Basically, everyone but Ignatius have met up and travelled together for safety. Then, we spot Ignatius running away from a bunch of crazy religious fanatics. (who were oddly resemblant of Catholics, although our DM isn't anticatholic, nor he is antichristian for that matter). OK, they basically told us they wanted to BURN THE WITCH sorcerer. They argued about their bloodthirsty god (OK, not really Catholic) and such. At which point I got up and recited the whole Gorion vs Armored Bad Guy line from Baldur's Gate. It was so fitting the crew was... unable to continue for awhile. :smallwink:

And then the fight broke up, because those fanatics were not willing to cooperate. However, since Jeremi went charging at them in a surprise round, it kind of botched our plans (I couldn't just cast Grease or anything without endangering him). And then Quentin, who's player was the one who actually got us killed in the previous session, went on, with his d6 Hit Die, CHARGING ON HIS RIDING DOG. A thief frontliner. You've got to be kidding me.

In truth, we were winning, because even surrounded by four foes Jeremi was able to kill some of them. Everything could be avoided if our team wasn't so haywire. However, the ending situation could be pretty much avoided: Quentin was down on 0 HP, Jeremi was bleeding to his death (got him stabilized later on), and our archer lost his lucky streak & was too far away to help us in melee. I lost my spells and the last man standing closed into Ignatius in melee. So I thought in my soul that it's going to be the time for another re-roll. Everyone was like "DO SOMETHING!!!". So I charged at him with my quarterstaff. At 2 HP. (I could do that because our DM ruled it that after an enemy charges, he can no longer have an AoO. I don't know if it's a real rule, though.)

And now the culminating point.
Ignatius: I look at the battlefield.
(he sees: everyone in his team bleeding, many people unconscious, and a huge rift in the middle of the battlefield [I conjured an illusion to keep them away from us], and a bunch of dead, unclean peasants who barely knew how to wield their swords. Yet they almost killed us.).
Ignatius: I speak slowly in Elven: "Lol."

I accept stakes on the life-span of this team.

Also some snippets from other sources (not my team):

P1: What does Mage Hand do?
P2: Well, you can jerk off with it.

The players have interrogated a DM tool who was supposed to get them through the plotline. They got so irritated of him not telling anything that one player snapped and said:
-I put a gun to his face and pull the trigger!
*roll the dice*
-He dodged the bullet.

DM: You see ten experienced Siths entering your ship. They're fully armed and they approach your position in tight order.
P (a noobish Jedi who just finished his training, has a lightsaber and knows how to pull and push): Gentlemen, please stop...

DM: You see a chest.
P1: I open it.
DM: It's locked. And it has some strange numbers written on it.
P2 (in deep, beyond-the-grave voice): 4 8 15 16 23 42

Also, when I was GMing, I played WFRP with friends. Only one of them (except me) had any experience in RPG. The other one was just there because we didn't want to have a 1v1, and because we wanted to hang out. However, it didn't turn out so well, because he just didn't care about the game at all (he'd rather watch YouTube or make stupid comments. Later on, he stopped being our friend at all, but it's not connected to RPG in any way. He... just changed into worse.)

Anyway, he hated the Insanity Points that you get as an "award" if your character is a witness of stressful, horrific, or gory situations. So when he got 6 IP (which translates into getting a mind disease, like for example alcoholism or paranoia), he... said no. In a Lex Luthor manner. You'd think it's enough... but he ate his character sheet. :smalleek:

Thajocoth

2009-04-05, 10:28 AM

Anyway, he hated the Insanity Points that you get as an "award" if your character is a witness of stressful, horrific, or gory situations. So when he got 6 IP (which translates into getting a mind disease, like for example alcoholism or paranoia), he... said no. In a Lex Luthor manner. You'd think it's enough... but he ate his character sheet. :smalleek:

Sounds like the insanity points transferred from IC to OOC.

Myrmex

2009-04-05, 02:39 PM

My gnome beguiler was infiltrating a goblin stronghold disguised as a goblin with a druid and a fighter. The druid & fighter had been tied under musk ox, to be hidden from sight. We were stopped in the gate going into the fortress, between a portcullis and an iron gate, where the 4 goblins on duty began searching the musk ox laden with goods. They quickly discovered the ruse. A fight broke out, with the beguile incapacitating many of them with color spray. Several began shouting for help. One of the musk ox was actually a disguised bison, the animal companion of the druid, who gored the crap out of some goblins.

As the party slew the last of the goblins, I cast disguise self to make me look like one of the goblins, while continuing to shout for help.

A bugbear showed up in time to see me clutching the bars and screaming "the musk ox! they've gone mad! dear maglibyut, they killed them all! let me out oh god!!"

The bugbear, looking in, sees 4 muskox calmly chewing their cud, splattered in blood, with dead goblins scattered everywhere. He opened the portcullis with haste.

A phrase whose rarity may rival that of: "did you just hit me in the face with a pineapple?"

IRL, my dad clubbed a would be purse snatcher with one of these:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oCQNykJzXjw/SGBt5NzlSzI/AAAAAAAAAvI/uyZ0hEVc-rY/durian-1.jpg

Ravens_cry

2009-04-05, 03:10 PM

IRL, my dad clubbed a would be purse snatcher with one of these:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oCQNykJzXjw/SGBt5NzlSzI/AAAAAAAAAvI/uyZ0hEVc-rY/durian-1.jpg
That's not a fruit, that's biological warfare!
I bet that thief stopped in a hurry.:smallbiggrin:

Calinero

2009-04-05, 05:14 PM

For those of us who cannot see the image because our computers are stupid, what is that?

Myrmex

2009-04-05, 05:18 PM

A fruit from southeast asia called a durian (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durian)

ShadowFighter15

2009-04-05, 05:40 PM

...recited the whole Gorion vs Armored Bad Guy line from Baldur's Gate.

Never played Baldur's Gate (and I doubt I'd be able to find a copy these days), what was this line?

Winthur

2009-04-05, 05:59 PM

Never played Baldur's Gate (and I doubt I'd be able to find a copy these days), what was this line?

I have a Polish version (I'm Polish, duh) so I don't know how exactly is it in English, but it was so fitting I had to do it. It goes somewhat like this:
-"You know why I'm here, old man. Surrender your foster-child (not poster child :P) to me and there will be no bloodshed. Resistance is futile."
-"You're a fool if you think I will be deceived by your kindness. Go away, and you and your people will leave this place unharmed."

Besides, I think Baldur's Gate has been re-released as a DVD saga. And I think you can check eBay. It's really worth it.

ShadowFighter15

2009-04-05, 06:34 PM

I'll have to have a look sometime. I know Icewind Dale got a DVD re-release (saw it at EB a while ago), so I'll be surprised if BG hasn't got the same treatment. I've been tempted to look before; since I read it's page on wikiquote and it has to be the only RPG where the main character can point out the absurdity of some of the stuff he's had to do:

Ok, I've just about had my FILL of riddle asking, quest assigning, insult throwing, pun hurling, hostage taking, iron mongering, smart arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object, roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the Nine Hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!

holywhippet

2009-04-05, 11:28 PM

P1: What does Mage Hand do?
P2: Well, you can jerk off with it.

But does it feel like someone else is doing it?

Besides, I think Baldur's Gate has been re-released as a DVD saga. And I think you can check eBay. It's really worth it.

The original Baldur's Gate release was all on CDs. Then they came out with a DVD version. In the US they offered free swapovers - anyone who sent in their CDs would be sent back the DVD version. I'm in Australia and they didn't have that offer, but I checked one of my mailing lists and found someone who worked just down the road from the place they were dispatching the DVD version from. So I sent him my CDs, he swapped over my copies and his own and sent the DVD version back to me. :)

Back on topic:

During one session our DM lured our dwarvern fighter up some stairs where he was confronted with about 10 goblins. Some were generic goblins but one was a sorcerer and a few were level 2 fighters. Anyway, the sorcerer cast web on the fighter pinning him in place. He then called in the flaming sphere he'd cast earlier and hit the fighter with it. The DM hadn't been thinking though and the other players pointed out this would set the webs on fire. When the other goblins got their turn he moved three of them up to attack the fighter in melee. I took a look at this, considered briefly, then asked "Did those goblins just walk into a burning web?". The DM stopped, considered, and decided that no - it would be a really stupid thing for them to do.

In the next session we finally took out the last of the goblins (they had a barghest leading them which the other characters had been focusing on). The sorcerer had used a fly potion and had been flying around outside when our ranger/sorcerer stopped him with a sleep spell. It was killed by a dual arrow attack from 2 of our characters but it remained floating in the air. Out of character I suggested we tie a string to it, find a village with a blind girl in it, hand her the string and tell her it's a party balloon.

Druid_lord

2009-04-06, 01:00 PM

In my Saga Edition campaign, the entire campaign consists of mainly these.
Once, my alcoholic soldier got his hands on some LSD. and started seeing nazis fighting commies on dragons. I'm still annoyed I didn't get Role playing EXP for acting it out, too.
Then there's the time we spent like five minutes interrogating an elevator shaft before realizing it had the emergency brakes on. This was after it sprayed us with bubble bath, of course. Then of course there's the line " Hey, stop brutalizing the cargo" Also " Can't we just kill the rich guy?"

Calinero

2009-04-06, 10:52 PM

I just played a game called Slasher Flick--not sure if anyone's heard of it, but it basically plays with horror movie conventions. You base all characters off a stereotype, and have survival points that you lose by encountering the serial killer, and you can gain genre points by following horror movie cliches. Investigating strange noises, having sex, ect.

Anyways, one character was known as The Steve. Not Steve. The Steve. He was a stoner, and even though he was a secondary character, he soon became the life of the party. He was on drugs, and most of the time managed to miss out on the fact that there were actually people dying. During the middle of our intense debate on how to escape the deathtrap of a house we were in, he calmly walked downstairs, filled his backpack up with crackers, sprayed cheese onto them, then walked back up to his room...without zipping the backpack up. The entire party stopped to watch him, in silence.

Aramil369

2009-04-07, 06:03 PM

Ok, got a new one.

i was DMing 2 nights ago. wait lemme back-up, i should explain how i run my world. in my world magic does NOT mix. the only magic you CAN cast on a magic item is Disenchant, a spell i made that's a lot like dispel magic obviously.

Anyway, the party came to a sarcophagus that was for all intents and purposes a chest of preservation. but the party didn't know what it was so they decided to cast consecrate on it. so as the DM i rolled my d100 to determine what would happen and how bad it is. well i rolled a double 00. so i pulled the ultimate "bad "thing to happen, so they erased existence within a 10 mile radius.

That was the cool part, the funny part is ONE of the party members survived because he was in a rope trick.

So long story short npc got killed, pc's got blamed, all but one of the mage went to clear their names. the mage was in jail and was messing with the guards and cast rope trick to make them think he escaped. at that time his fellow pc's erased existence. he comes out of the extra-dimensional space to... nothing.

Kylarra

2009-04-07, 06:13 PM

I dunno... if every 2nd level spell cast onto a magic item is potentially a small area nuke, that doesn't sound like a recipe conducive to longterm survival.

Tho the rope trick part is kind of funny.

Atamasama

2009-04-07, 06:48 PM

Years ago I was in a 2nd edition campaign with some buddies from work. One of my friends played a character I won't ever forget... A multi-class elven Fighter/Thief/Mage named Karoth. He was by far the weakest character in the party because he sucked at EVERYTHING he did. The player who played him didn't help matters any either.

We were investigating some troubles in a town and at one point we were trying to find incriminating evidence that would implicate a mysterious bard in town, whose illusions might be behind the mischief. We were staying at a local inn which was very busy and packed, and the bard happened to be staying there as well. After asking around the inn we managed to find out which room was his, but not without raising his suspicions as he overheard our questions.

Karoth, being 1/3 thief, decided that he should infiltrate the bard's room. My character, the fighter of the party, was going to stand watch for him. I went upstairs and stood outside the door as Karoth said he needed to go outside to get some "tools".

So Karoth ran down the stairs at a sprint, through the common area (filled with about 30 patrons including the bard) and outside. Once outside he quickly changed clothes into an all-black outfit, and even covered his face and hands with weaponblack (think of a matte black shoe-polish). He then runs back into the inn, past all of the patrons again (this time pitch-black from head-to-toe) then upstairs. At that point the bard got really suspicious and walked up the stairs behind him.

My character, waiting patiently in the hall, sees Karoth run into the hallway covered in this pitch-black mess. Karoth runs over to the door and hastily picks the lock as the bard gets into the hallway. The bard shouts at Karoth, who squeaks and gets the door open, then runs into the room. Looking around frantically for an escape, he jumps out the window (breaking it) and limps away to hide in a hay-filled cart with his sprained ankle.

My character shrugged at the bard and apologized, explaining that Karoth was not stable mentally. The bard ran off to complain to the inn-keeper. Meanwhile Karoth spent the night shivering, terrified in the hay.

Lycan 01

2009-04-07, 07:57 PM

Last night was my college group's first DnD game.

The group consisted of:
-Lvl 2 Human Paladin... of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. :smallcool:
-Lvl 1 Halfling Warlock... who's Chaotic Evil. :smalleek:
-Lvl 1 Dragonborn Warlord... who's perfectly normal, actually. :smalltongue:

Highlights of last night's game include:

-The Warlock lighting random cows on fire was they walked along a country road
-The Paladin converting 2 Goblins to his cause, gaining 50 XP each.
-The Dragonborn scaring off half of the Goblin Minions by threatening to castrate them.
-The Warlock lighting a Goblin on fire and then making S'mores while the Dragonborn bled to death. (He got 100 XP for the Goblin, 25 XP for being Evil and ignoring his friend, and 25 XP for being Chaotic and eating a messy snack.)

Aramil369

2009-04-07, 09:12 PM

yes, i have thought of that, in my world, if the magic is of the same school then that's fine.

for example, any magic into an item must be of the same type/school, i.e. you flaming sword must be boosted with fire magic it can not be a flaming, icy burst sword of returning. i also found this helps keep the players power in check, so my level 5 fighter who was part of a party that killed a young dragon, for instance, can't be a level 5 fighter with a level 8 magical weapon.

Calinero

2009-04-08, 03:34 PM

A Paladin of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Heh. Next there ought to be a Cleric of the Invisible Pink Unicorn.

This reminds me of how I have longed to make a Cleric of Rubik....perhaps explanation is required.

You see, when I was new to D&D, I was looking through the Player's Handbook. I looked at all the races, and asked "Could you play as a goblin, if you wanted to? Are they a playable race?" My friend replied "Dude, pretty much anything can be a playable race." Me ".........hm. Even....gelatinous cubes?" I picked this because it was the most random, least playable race I could think of. Plus, one nearly TPK'ed our party the night before.

Friend: :smallconfused: "No. No you cannot."
Me: "Aw, I wanted to be a gelatinous cube cleric."
Friend: "Cleric? You can't even talk, what god would you worship?"
Me: "Well....Rubik, obviously."
Friend: "Rubik?"
Me: "Who else would be the God of Cubes?"

Thajocoth

2009-04-08, 04:32 PM

Winthur

2009-04-08, 05:49 PM

"Even....gelatinous cubes?" I picked this because it was the most random, least playable race I could think of.

-Awg! Gawd! Damn! It!
-Judge is in session, what's the problem here?
-He put my Hackmaster +12 in the jell-o again.

:smallbiggrin:

Eleutherius

2009-04-08, 08:27 PM

Me: "Aw, I wanted to be a gelatinous cube cleric."
Friend: "Cleric? You can't even talk, what god would you worship?"
Me: "Well....Rubik, obviously."
Friend: "Rubik?"
Me: "Who else would be the God of Cubes?"

You are my hero:smallbiggrin:

I was DMing a solo adventure for a Barbarian who was masacering the local thieves guild. He got to the kitchen. When he started attacking the cooks most fought back with cleavers and knives. One however ... improvised.

Bbn: I turn and face tha last cook.
Me: He's unarmed but all he's holding is a lopster he was about to drop in a pot of boilaling water.
Bbn: I charge him.
Me: As you surge forwards he throws the lobster in your face. the lobster suceeds on his graple check and latched on to your nose.
Bbn: ... ... ... I grab the chef's head and sove it into the pot of boiling water.

Calinero

2009-04-08, 09:21 PM

What kind of skill does a lobster have in grappling?

herrhauptmann

2009-04-08, 10:34 PM

Two stories:
One in AD&D, my fighter and the wizard were caught and held as gladiator slaves for about a year. After about the first 3 months (living on rice and sushi the whole time) we get sent out into an arean to fight against a pair of warriors armed with gladius and shield. At the far end of the arena, was an entire banquet of real food, the kind you could sink your teeth into.
So I bolted for the food and fought while munching on a turkey leg. As bad as that sounds, the wizard beat me by making a sandwich to eat while casting.

In another game, the Witchfire Saga.
We at one point were up against the little sorceror girl who was armed with the artifact of doom and trying to rez her mommy. Blocking us was a group of 4 reanimated witches. We actually ignored the witches for the first 2 rounds unloading everything we could on the sorceror. (2 rifle shots, one a crit. Magic weapon spell, crossbow with silver bolts, and thrown daggers 2 crits out of 4.)
After the second round of getting wailed on by the witches, the halfing rogue decides he's going to tumble past them so he can melee and sneak attack the witchgirl.
He rolls his tumble check, and gets a nat 20. He had already gotten a bonus since he stated he was going to wait for a witch to cast a spell before tumbling. And DM also gave us crit successes and fails for skill checks.

DM goes, 'She starts to cast a spell, and you run at her, dropping to the ground and sliding under her and-' I interrupt:
"Don't look up."
The rogue looks over at me, his face scrunches up, then all of a sudden, the DM vomits into his ramen cup. :smallyuk:

Calinero

2009-04-09, 10:02 AM

Wow....that's...special. Oh, by the way, attacking the girl? Bad idea. She's like...level ten.

Ovaltine Patrol

2009-04-10, 12:50 AM

Trying silly bluff checks is usually fun, especially when they somehow work. Recently, our ranger spotted some bugbears getting ready to ambush us and discreetly told us. My character then loudly said in goblin, "Boy, these disguises are great!"

They were confused enough that they aborted their attack and revealed themselves, still pointing weapons at us. When their leader tried to get an explanation out of us, our Goliath fighter ran out of patience and attacked. The result was messy, but I think we ended up better off than if they had that surprise round on us.

One of my friends plays a Dread Necromancer who is also an aspiring conman, he routinely tells us outlandish, obvious lies and then throws us a curve ball by stating something plausible or even by simply telling the truth. He tricked a few party members into checking an unstable building that collapsed on them by claiming that spirits had told him the building would collapse unless he went in alone. Assuming he knew about some hidden treasure, they went in and rummaged around and the roof caved in on them.