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Froogleyboy
2009-04-25, 04:43 PM
I am working on a comic strip which will be kinda like 'dork-tower' (if you've read it) and i need some gaming style jokes for it PLZ (you will be credited)

Skaroq
2009-04-25, 04:48 PM
An orc runs up to a healer. He asks him, "Help! My friend just collapsed in the street and I think he's dead!"
The healer says, "Okay, but make sure he's dead first before I cast Raise Dead."
The orc runs off. A few minutes later, he comes back to the healer. He's cleaning fresh blood off of his axe. He asks, "Okay, now what?"

Froogleyboy
2009-04-25, 04:56 PM
An orc runs up to a healer. He asks him, "Help! My friend just collapsed in the street and I think he's dead!"
The healer says, "Okay, but make sure he's dead first before I cast Raise Dead."
The orc runs off. A few minutes later, he comes back to the healer. He's cleaning fresh blood off of his axe. He asks, "Okay, now what?"

THAT IS HILARIOUS!

oxybe
2009-04-25, 05:03 PM
2 wargs are chatting
warg 1: "so the goblin says he hasn't had a bite in weeks, so i bit him!"
warg 2: "heh"
warg 1: ":smallyuk:"
--------------------
cleric turns a group of skeletons and they start running
dwarf: "come back here, yah gutless wretches!"
halfling: "at least we know they're not spineless cowards"

The Glyphstone
2009-04-25, 05:22 PM
The rogue was struggling to carry all the treasure he looted from the dungeon, and I asked him, "you want me to help you with that?"

He rolled his eyes and replied in a sarcastic voice, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with your greataxe!"

So I did.

Archpaladin Zousha
2009-04-25, 05:38 PM
And then he gets all indignant on me! He says "Hey, friend, I was just being sarcastic!"

Well that's just great, how was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind flayer for cryin' out loud! Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname! Torso Boy! So what's he complaining about?!

evisiron
2009-04-25, 06:32 PM
Wanted to keep the chain going there, but couldn't think of anything good, just lame stuff about a +1 Snorkel. Sorry!

As for jokes...
A fighter, an overpowered monk and a CR appropriate hydra are in a forest when a golden acorn falls from the sky. Who picks it up?

Answer:
The fighter, of course. The other two are fictional!

Lame, yes, but maybe the writer can make it good! :smallbiggrin:

Woodsman
2009-04-25, 06:34 PM
Eric and the Gazebo.

Head of Vecna.

'Nuff said.

SoD
2009-04-25, 06:50 PM
Eric and the Gazebo.

Brain of Vecna.

'Nuff said.

Fixed it for you.

Actually had a character who fell for that...the player didn't, but roleplayed it through. After a hasty reincarnation spell, the CE goliath barbarian became a grey elf!

Woodsman
2009-04-25, 06:51 PM
I'm pretty sure it was Head of Vecna.

Jarchh
2009-04-25, 07:26 PM
Yeah I remember it being the head.. never heard it being the brain...

lesserarchangel
2009-04-25, 07:39 PM
Not sure how funny others will find this one:

If a beholder looks in a mirror, what does it see?

Dogmantra
2009-04-25, 07:55 PM
And then he gets all indignant on me! He says "Hey, friend, I was just being sarcastic!"

Well that's just great, how was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind flayer for cryin' out loud! Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname! Torso Boy! So what's he complaining about?!
"You want me to help you with that?"
And Marty just rolls his eyes and says "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a +5 Flaming Longsword!"

A bear walks into a bar, the barman asks "What'll it be, mate?", the bear replies, really angrily "Glass of poison."
Barman replies "Why, did you get Awakened on the wrong side of bed this morning?"

I'm sorry... I'll just get my coat.

oxybe
2009-04-25, 08:10 PM
one panel funny:
Scene: Orc cleric of gruumsh looking over a crystal ball
"I scry with my little eye..."

Skaroq
2009-04-25, 08:43 PM
A halfling hoardstealer and a half-elf cleric are sitting together at a bar.
HALFLING: Boy, I wuz lucky to save my skin from that last red dragon! Can't a man take just a little treasure from a dragon hoard? He left a scorch mark on me bum, too.
HALF-ELF: Why do you constantly endanger your life stealing treasure from angry dragons? You've been doing it practically all your life, it's a wonder you're alive, especially considering you're a halfling.
HALFLING: Ehh, bad hobbits are hard to break.
ALternative follow-up punchline:
HALF-ELF: It won't be long before someone writes up your hobbituary.

monty
2009-04-25, 08:47 PM
A halfling hoardstealer and a half-elf cleric are sitting together at a bar.
HALFLING: Boy, I wuz lucky to save my skin from that last red dragon! Can't a man take just a little treasure from a dragon hoard? He left a scorch mark on me bum, too.
HALF-ELF: Why do you constantly endanger your life stealing treasure from angry dragons? You've been doing it practically all your life, it's a wonder you're alive, especially considering you're a halfling.
HALFLING: Ehh, bad hobbits are hard to break.
ALternative follow-up punchline:
HALF-ELF: It won't be long before someone writes up your hobbituary.

I can't help thinking you've been reading too much Irregular Webcomic.

Dogmantra
2009-04-25, 08:47 PM
A halfling hoardstealer and a half-elf cleric are sitting together at a bar.
HALFLING: Boy, I wuz lucky to save my skin from that last red dragon! Can't a man take just a little treasure from a dragon hoard? He left a scorch mark on me bum, too.
HALF-ELF: Why do you constantly endanger your life stealing treasure from angry dragons? You've been doing it practically all your life, it's a wonder you're alive, especially considering you're a halfling.
HALFLING: Ehh, bad hobbits are hard to break.
ALternative follow-up punchline:
HALF-ELF: It won't be long before someone writes up your hobbituary.
Related:
Half-Elf: I notice you've been bathing an awful lot recently, why's that?
Halfling: Well, it's to do with the soap you see... bathing is a Hobbit Foaming activity.

Skaroq
2009-04-25, 09:00 PM
Yes, I can't come up with an original hobbit pun to save my life. I just rip off IW as I go along, hobbit pun-wise.

erikun
2009-04-25, 09:05 PM
"I cast Magic Missile at the darkness!"

"You're going to backstab him with a ballista?" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiTEHqAeanw)

The Gazebo is classic, though. :smallsmile:

John Campbell
2009-04-25, 09:23 PM
Y'know, I can't help but think that if you're having to resort to begging for jokes on a forum, you probably ought to rethink the whole "making a comic" plan.

Keld Denar
2009-04-25, 09:25 PM
Is there anything that a human won't breed with?

Bah Dah Crash!

Ravens_cry
2009-04-25, 09:29 PM
Is there anything that a human won't breed with?

Bah Dah Crash!
Anything they won't, a dragon will.
*ba-Dum-TISH!*
Wouldn't that make Half human/ half dragons the randiest sons of crossbow?
It would go something like this
"Hi, meet my new girlfriend."
*stare*
"That's a goat."
"Plus it's a guy."
"And dead."

Froogleyboy
2009-04-25, 09:37 PM
Y'know, I can't help but think that if you're having to resort to begging for jokes on a forum, you probably ought to rethink the whole "making a comic" plan.

I'm not begging i was just getting some ideas. I wanted to see what you guys thought was funny

Thanatos 51-50
2009-04-25, 09:43 PM
Human Rogue and Drow are in an open field. A dead bear with the lower half of the drow still in its mouth.

Drow: "You could have saved me! Why didn't you save me?"
Rogue: "You tried to bribe that tribe of Orcs to kill me last week. Didn't think I knew about that, did you?"
Drow: "Er... I'm a drow?"
Rogue: "And I'm a rogue. See which one of us succeeded in killing the other?"

For all you drow-haters out there.

Hat-Trick
2009-04-25, 09:44 PM
Paladin and a rogue with an evil aura curse both in the same party. After the first instance of "kill the evil thing" is finished and the rogue's true alignment is determined through other means, it makes for a fun bit every time detect evil is attempted.

"Yes there is evil." DM glares at Rogue's player.

Thanatos 51-50
2009-04-25, 09:51 PM
A drow is sealed in an empty room with a dagger in front of him. There are no viable exits.

Beat panel.

Third Panel shows the drow with a dagger in his own back, face-down and dead.

Yes... I rather dislike drow.

Kris Strife
2009-04-25, 10:09 PM
I can't help thinking you've been reading too much Irregular Webcomic.

Impossible. No such thing as to much IW

Siosilvar
2009-04-25, 10:17 PM
A halfling hoardstealer and a half-elf cleric are sitting together at a bar.
HALFLING: Boy, I wuz lucky to save my skin from that last red dragon! Can't a man take just a little treasure from a dragon hoard? He left a scorch mark on me bum, too.
HALF-ELF: Why do you constantly endanger your life stealing treasure from angry dragons? You've been doing it practically all your life, it's a wonder you're alive, especially considering you're a halfling.
HALFLING: Ehh, bad hobbits are hard to break.
ALternative follow-up punchline:
HALF-ELF: It won't be long before someone writes up your hobbituary.

I see. So the halfling had a hobbit-fooming (http://irregularwebcomic.net/1296.html) experience?

Sofaking
2009-04-25, 10:32 PM
Y'know, I can't help but think that if you're having to resort to begging for jokes on a forum, you probably ought to rethink the whole "making a comic" plan.

HA indeed!

JeminiZero
2009-04-26, 03:46 AM
An Elf Barbarian, Half-Orc Cleric, and Dwarf Ninja walk into a bar.

The barkeeper looks at them and says. "What is this, some kind of joke?"

oxybe
2009-04-26, 03:56 AM
Elder Fire elemental walks into a bar.

there are no survivors.

Harperfan7
2009-04-26, 05:27 AM
An adventuring party is walking down a road, and from the other direction stumbles a man holding his bleeding side. He says, "Healing! I need healing!"
The violent dwarf fighter promptly axes him in the head saying, "Heal this, bandit!"

A high level fighter finally defeats a band of giants after a long fight, after which he has only a couple hp left. He is leaning over catching his breath when a solitary kobold hops out from behind a nearby boulder and shoots him with a crossbow, knocking him into the negatives. (It's really only funny if you see it drawn out)

Another joke: Gnomes.

Assassin89
2009-04-26, 11:44 AM
A man is fighting a barbed devil. He thinks about initiating a grapple, but then someone says that such an action would be painful.

Roderick_BR
2009-04-26, 11:49 AM
"That sword may not be pretty, but it's in the eye of the Beholder."

Not really sure if it was like that, though. I read it somewhere a long time ago.

DwaggieBard
2009-04-26, 11:55 AM
"That sword may not be pretty, but it's in the eye of the Beholder."

Not really sure if it was like that, though. I read it somewhere a long time ago.

I heard it...

First you get a critical hit on the beholder. Then, "The sword, while not beautiful, is in the eye of the beholder."

Asheram
2009-04-26, 01:59 PM
"I grapple the troll"

*insert image of far, Faaaar too many templates on one character*

*Image of a god flinging lightningbolts while testing his new munchkin radar*

"The problems with rust in D&D"
*Image of a dwarf warrior in rusty platemail, then a rusty warforged*

*image of a DM pointing a shotgun at a player*
"Alright... Alright... I get the point... No kobolds with the Master of Many forms class... that gun isn't loaded is it?"

NeoVid
2009-04-26, 07:00 PM
"That sword may not be pretty, but it's in the eye of the Beholder."

Not really sure if it was like that, though. I read it somewhere a long time ago.

How about this:
On panel, wordless comic titled "Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder," that shows a sword with "Beauty" engraved on the blade stuck in a Beholder's eye socket.




"The problems with rust in D&D"
*Image of a dwarf warrior in rusty platemail, then a rusty warforged*


*Entire army of Warforged retreating from one Rust Monster*

Siosilvar
2009-04-26, 07:04 PM
An Elf Barbarian, Half-Orc Cleric, and Dwarf Ninja walk into a bar.

The barkeeper looks at them and says. "What is this, some kind of joke?"

OR:

An elf and a half-orc walk into a bar.

A gnome walks under it.

Dixieboy
2009-04-26, 07:08 PM
Is there anything that a human won't breed with?

Bah Dah Crash!

Half orc, half elf, Centaur

Devils_Advocate
2009-05-22, 02:09 PM
So...

A gnome dies and goes to Bytopia. After suddenly incarnating as a petitioner, he wanders around for a while in a daze. Eventually, he comes to the gate of a great city, outside which a line has formed. He patiently waits his turn until all the gnomes in front of him have been allowed entry or turned away.

As he reaches the front of the line, the guard stationed there asks him "How may I know that you are worthy of entry?"

"Now, wait a minute! Wait just a minute!" the gnome cries out in exasperation. "How do I even know that I'm really dead, or that this is really the afterlife, or that you're a real proxy of Garl Glittergold? I could very easily be dreaming, hallucinating, mind-controlled, trapped in an elaborate illusion, or any combination of the above!"

From within the city a great voice booms "LET HIM IN. HE'S ONE OF MINE."


An elven wizard, a halfling rogue, a half-orc barbarian, and a human cleric are exploring a dungeon when they come to a great iron door.

"I shall use my skill in the art of lockpicking to get us through this portal!" the halfling proclaims. He works on the lock with his pick for several minutes in deepening concentration, but never hears the telltale, satisfying "click" he so hopes to produce. At last he is forced to admit defeat.

"Aha! If your skill cannot overcome the lock, then surely this door must be protected by a mighty abjuration spell! Allow me to remove it!" the elf proclaims. She begins a long series of gestures and incantations, but all to no effect. Eventually she is forced to admit that this problem is simply beyond her abilities.

Thoroughly fed up and impatient at this point, the half-orc gives a mighty bellow and charges at the door. He crashes his great axe mightily into the door again and again, but to no effect. Finally, panting and exhausted, he is forced to admit that this door is far too sturdy for even him to damage.

At this point, the human steps forward.

She turns the doorknob and pulls the door open.

Volkov
2009-05-22, 02:13 PM
Adventurers check in the Tomb of horrors.
They don't Check out.

DamnedIrishman
2009-05-22, 02:16 PM
I'm not begging i was just getting some ideas. I wanted to see what you guys thought was funny

Bear in mind that everyone generally thinks that their joke is funny, but the rest of the world rarely agrees with them on most of them.

shadzar
2009-05-22, 02:45 PM
A barbarian walks into a bar.

Quickly two d10's roll by on the street and both land on 1 in front of the bar.

The bar gets deformed and shorter.

Kind of like this for the roof and how the bar gets smushed as opposed to stretched. ---\/---

Rapidwhirl
2009-05-22, 02:57 PM
Several humans, and Elf, and a Half Orc walk into a bar.

They formed a party.


Also, see me signature.

Shraik
2009-05-22, 03:00 PM
So, the group of adventures comes to a large sign.
Hagdor Silverstubble; the dwarf cleric, Kornk; half-ogre fighter, and Spot; Werearmadillo druid all look in amazement.
The DM says "Roll spot," and the were armadillo rolls off.

Xallace
2009-05-22, 03:11 PM
What do you call an orc with 8 Charisma?
Rather Outgoing!

*Ba-Dum-PISH*

OK I got that one from someone else, if it's yours take credit for it.

So, two humans walk into a bar. The halfling just walks under it, laughing.

The tarrasque. No, really. It's Olidamara's greatest prank ever. ...eh, you'll get it eventually.

Zergrusheddie
2009-05-22, 03:20 PM
You could show the oddity of a Wizard casting 10 Fireballs and not needing a cart full of sulfur and bat droppings.
An even easier way is to showcase some of the silliness of some levels of cheese: Pun-Pun, The Commoner Rail Gun, and the Locate City Bomb would be really funny to see how it worked in a comic.

Nero24200
2009-05-22, 03:39 PM
Another joke about humans being so randy

An elf and human both stand in a room and a bag of golds drops on the floor. Who will bend over and pick it up first?

Answer: The elf obviously, the human would rather watch.

Edit: Got another. Two PC's and a namelss dwarf NPC are in a dungoen with a crushign wall trap. The trap is about to killl all three.
Dwarf: I can't beleive I followed you both here. I'm not happy.
PC: What dwarf are you then?

shadzar
2009-05-22, 03:55 PM
Some bard is singing:

"Mother, Father, please believe me every word is true. I just glimpsed a beast with two backs in the morning dew."

The rest of the party looks shocked.

Cut the the new double-monkey thing, on the cover of MMII, sitting in the grass saying: :smallconfused: "What?!"

Keld Denar
2009-05-22, 06:19 PM
How many dwarves does it take to light a candle?
3. One to count the money, one to check for sliding doors, and one to spit flaming liquer onto the candle.

How many elves does it take to light a candle?
3. One to sing, one to prance, and one to summon the spirit of joyous flame into the realm material.

How many gnomes does it take to light a candle?
Just 1, but it only appears lit.

How many halflings does it take to light a candle?
What, you'd trust a halfling with your candle?

How many half-elves does it take to light a candle?
Just 1, apparently half-elves ARE good for something.

How many trolls does it take to light a candle?
1, but he does it very very VERY carefully!

RandomLunatic
2009-05-22, 07:23 PM
How many Orcs does it take to light a candle?
Six. You got a problem wit dat, pinkie?

A Human Cleric, Half-Orc Barbarian, Elf Wizard, and Halfing Rogue walk into a bar. How they all managed to blow thier Spot checks is anyone's guess.

Cedrass
2009-05-22, 07:39 PM
How any Goblins do you need to paint a barn?

Only one if you can throw him hard enough.