PDA

View Full Version : Funny stories [any game]



Enlong
2009-05-04, 04:35 PM
Because darn it, we need some.
What things have happened in your games that made you laugh out loud? What funny anecdotes of player stupidity, crazy twists, or hateful dice do you have? Have you ever done something totally insane that either wiped your team, or somehow miraculously won the day in the most completely unexpected way? Well then, share it!

Myou
2009-05-04, 04:51 PM
My PCs were in a new town on the tropical island they're exploring, poking their noses into mafia affairs. The rogue (not really a rogue, but it's a custom class that's similar) decided that after publicly quizzing people in the local tavern he would openly follow a known mob member who had been watching him. Of course the guy led him down a back alley, hid in a doorway, and then poked him in the back with a knife when the PC passed it and started walking him to the mob HQ. Somehow the player was actually surprised by that. XD

After the other PCs rescued him by killing a dozen or so mob members they all returned to their inn, the same inn they had been seen to be staying at and asking questions in. Once there they say down to discuss the matter. Somehow they were surprised when a fighter crashed through the window and a few more kicked in the door, while archers fired in the broken windows at them.

After killing/scaring off those guys a kobold sorcerer who had been hanging back and watching shouted at them to come out and fight, which they did. What they didn't know was that the sorcerer was the son of one of the city rulers. They killed him and, when they found out who he was, stuffed the body into a bag of holding.

They then met city guards as they were leaving, and bluffed their way out, convincing they guards that they were innocent bystanders. They guards bought it, but they had no time to hang around before the guards found out the truth or the mob caught them again, so they fled town.

That was a month ago now.

They never did that dead kobold out of the bag of holding.

lyko555
2009-05-04, 08:18 PM
In the game im currently playing in My goup ran across a 34hd Red dragon skeleton. Now this is a group of 8 lvl and below toons. So my character who had the unfortunate luck of discovering the dragon, and ( it was hidden by an illusion) got taken out with a single swipe. So im sitting in the negatives when I get a little ranged loving from our cleric, while the party barbar charges the thing and gets his but handed to him. I wake up and cast the only spell i could think of (command undead). the dm looked at me and laughed until the 18 showed up on the dice roll beating the SR. :) needless to say he dm fiated the dragon die'ing through divine intervention.

JoshuaZ
2009-05-04, 08:28 PM
In the game im currently playing in My goup ran across a 34hd Red dragon skeleton. Now this is a group of 8 lvl and below toons. So my character who had the unfortunate luck of discovering the dragon, and ( it was hidden by an illusion) got taken out with a single swipe. So im sitting in the negatives when I get a little ranged loving from our cleric, while the party barbar charges the thing and gets his but handed to him. I wake up and cast the only spell i could think of (command undead). the dm looked at me and laughed until the 18 showed up on the dice roll beating the SR. :) needless to say he dm fiated the dragon die'ing through divine intervention.

That doesn't seem needless to say. Many DMs would have thrown their hands up and let you get it which strikes me as more reasonable You got that thing fair and square. You used a desperate but valid tactic that had very helpful pay off.

KillianHawkeye
2009-05-04, 09:54 PM
No way. :smallannoyed:

No DM is going to let an 8th-level character have a 34 HD dragon skeleton as a pet and let them keep it. It might last for the session if that, but it will die VERY quickly because it's too strong to let them keep.

JoshuaZ
2009-05-04, 10:17 PM
No way. :smallannoyed:

No DM is going to let an 8th-level character have a 34 HD dragon skeleton as a pet and let them keep it. It might last for the session if that, but it will die VERY quickly because it's too strong to let them keep.

Oh. 34 HD. Yeah. I thought that said 24 HD which is still freaking ridiculous but enough that it might be allowed to last for a session. In fact, I'm at a bit of a loss why the DM would throw a 34 HD dragon up against them...

Knaight
2009-05-04, 10:24 PM
As a GM who has had situations where players were hopelessly outclassed, it can often be attributed to pure stupidity. Making enemies where they shouldn't, not taking precautions, going into dangerous situations blindly, etc. For instance, in one game they made enemies with a small squad of demons, killed most of them, and let one again. That particular demon has come after them repeatedly with minions, and has now raised a small army. They have the resources of a very technologically advanced headquarters, and have yet to take any proactive action. Sure, they have inferior scouting(by a long shot), but it would be possible to set traps if they were careful. This has yet to happen, except for when they mimic traps set by allied NPCs (most of which involve razor wire. One of the NPCs is fond of it.)

Basically if a player gets in a fight with something way above their capabilities, nine times out of ten it is either their fault or somebody else in the parties. There tends to be a sense of invincibility, inherited from some video games.

Lycan 01
2009-05-04, 10:53 PM
I need to keep a journal of these things. If anybody's interested in one of these, just lemme know and I'll write up the details...

Star Wars:
-My players used a Destiny Point to give Watto cancer. :smalleek:
-One player shot a little girl in the head over her stuffed Jawa toy, only for a thermal detonator to roll out of her hand and land between his feet. It took 8 Destiny Points to rewind the game far enough back so he wouldn't end up dead.
-My players found a droid, named him Sparky, bragged about how much they loved him, and then dissected him and plugged his power source into their starship's engines to keep the shield's up a few rounds longer.
-I Coup De Graced a house full of sleeping Dark Jedi, one broken neck at a time, while the rest of my team kept their leader occupied.

Call of Cthulhu:
-"HIS FACE IS IN YOUR MUTTON CHOPS!!"
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to Falcon Kick the door to the meeting of the upper ranks of the Cthulhu Cult? Okay, then..."
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to get up and try to tackle the drunk old man who's got a 10-gauge shotgun aimed at you, and you're clear across the room sitting down? Okay, then..."
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to drag your unconscious friend over a rock slide, which has several jagged rocks poking out? Okay, then..."
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to ignore your friend, who's currently mind controlled and is trying to swallow bullets, because you don't think he's much of a risk right now? Okay, then..." (Fun fact: mind controlled guy spent the next turn amputating his own leg with his bare hands. Most epic CoC death I've had to describe in my entire career...)
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to tackle Pyramid Head? Okay, then..."
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to keep the zombie canary bird as a pet? Okay, then..."
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to try and kick Nyarlathotep? Okay, then..."
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to try and jump into the gravity lift, grab onto your friend, and try to use the force of your impact to push him out of the magnetic field and land safely in the snow before he's dragged up into the Mi-Go mothership? Okay, then..."
-"Lemme get this straight. You want to hide in the trash can and hope the acid spitting creature's chasing you didn't see you trying to crawl into it? Okay, then... By the way, you soon hear the sound of metal sizzling." :smallamused:



I'm not sure what I love more. Hearing my Call of Cthulhu players come up with these things, or narrating the results. :smallbiggrin:

Olo Demonsbane
2009-05-04, 11:14 PM
Ive heard the 1st story in each group...

Could you just give us a few random ones? They all sound good :smallbiggrin:

Enlong
2009-05-05, 12:43 AM
OK, so here's something that happened to me.

So it's a sort of one-shot, first level campaign. I, a paladin, and my compatriots were guarding a caravan as they traveled to a new village. At one of the stops, we came across an old cabin. In front of the cabin was a suspicious-looking chicken that ran inside when we got close.

We followed the chicken in, down the old, rickety, rotting stairs to the basement. Once we cornered the chicken, it crowed loudly, waking up this huge tentacled monster and ran up the stairs. After one long, grueling battle, full of wasted turns and missed attack rolls, I was heavily ticked at the chicken. Paladin's vows or no, I was ready to bring the wrath of God down upon that feathered freak. So I climbed up what was left of the stairs after the battle, located the chicken on the next floor, and charged it.

I ended up falling through the rotten floorboards to the basement below, taking falling damage on top of the battle damage. No worries, I said. I just picked myself up, climbed back up, and charged the chicken again, this time leaping at it, sword at the ready.

I misjudged my landing and fell through again, this time taking enough falling damage to be kicked into negative HP by it.
I almost died. Imagine that, a holy warrior dying at the oblivious hands of a farmfowl.

So when we reached the next town, amidst the many houscats (a bad sign in itself), I saw another chicken. At this point, I had decided that my paladin had contracted (at least temporarily) an irrational fear of chickens, and so I had him just flip out. He ran away as fast as he could, screaming "CHICKENS! CHICKENS!" at the top of his lungs.

Oh, and those housecats? They turned out to be sentient and were running the town.
It was a fairly silly one-shot.

ocato
2009-05-05, 01:14 AM
So, last Easter (we forgot it was Easter so we scheduled our weekly Sunday game) ended up being 3 PCs instead of the usual 5-6. Cleric of Kord, Paladin of Kord, and me, the Wizard of "Any God who will help" (Cowardly Wizard = fun archetype). We had previously fought our way through a Formian Hive (the DM made 4e Formians, they were bastards) and had found a desecrated temple of Kord that had been buried underground for some thousands of years. This is where the adventure begins. We fought our way through some dragonborn zombies and worked out the backstory as to how the temple had gotten buried. So we're taking our short rest, looking around this ritual room, and having a chat about our next move when the Paladin decides to just run off to the next room.

So the Cleric and I facepalm and chase after him just in time to see him enter a room with sand on the floor. He barrels right in, and as soon as he does, the door is obscured with sand. He had set off a trap that blasted hot sand across the room, activating another row of squares each turn. So he's in this room fighting more zombies while the Cleric and I are staring blankly. The Cleric grabs onto some loose stones near the top of the wall and pulls himself up to look into over the sand jets and into the room, and relays the information to me. I proceed to blinding fill the room with fire.

"BY THE LIGHT OF KORD, THEY'RE FIRE ZOMBIES, BE CAREFUL FRIENDS!"

...

...

Me: "Fire Zombies?! I had feared this! Everyone knows that Vecna is prone to using Fire Zombies as minions, be careful friend, we shall support you from the rear!"

...

*Shoots more fire*

The cleric was rolling on the floor at this point. The out of character jokes are 1. If the paladin ever finds out it was me, he'd have my head and 2. Sass-mouthing the wizard turns adjacent enemies into fire-enemies.

Spiritrunner
2009-05-05, 05:45 AM
Ok I have got to add this one in. Myself and a few friends were playing some Werewolf, and in the adventure we had discovered that a clan of spiral walkers were causing some trouble in the city we happened to be around at the time. At first it didn't seem like much but as we put the pieces together we found that they were marking a spiral across the entire city. Yeah big bad mojo.

We also had really bad luck with transportation. It seemed that every car we got, stole, borrowed or otherwise used wound up blown up or chewed apart by spirit gremlins. But we of course had to get across town to where we predicted the wyrm would be spreading it's taint next. Of course when I made my character I listed that he was born a wolf so he spent most of his time as a dog. And our pack leader happened to be a ragabash (The tricksters) so he got an idea. Without telling any one else of course. I honestly hadn't even thought about the complications of an egyptian jackall trying to stroll on to the bus.

*anyways* Suddenly the guy playing our pack leader said "I'm gonna make a roll" as the bus pulled up. On being asked he clarified that he was going to make an acting test. Only after the critical sucess (he had like seven nines) did he describe that he was making like he was severely mentally handicapped. Left hand straight down and always pointing at his knee. Right hand across his chest and the ring finger also always pointing at his right knee. Right eye going up, left eye sideways... everything. None of us knew what the heck he was on about.

Then he suddenly pantomimed the look and yelled "Bussdriver! you're not my usual busdriver!" Naturally we were all rather surprised. he strolled on in and pointed at me saying "This is my dog seemore... he helps me see more. ...Don't cross the yellow line. Busdriver!"

The other characters are trying to go along with this while I'm stuck in my wolf form wishing I could rip out his throat with how embarassed he was... meanwhile naturally we were all laughing so hard we had to take a fifteen minute break before we could get back to the story. The whole time Roger (The GM) Was living it up at my expense, of course.

What made it especially funny is that later we took the bus again but I was in human form, and just to be funny Roger said it was the same bus driver as last time. So The ragabash hopped on as normal as could be, plunked in his change, said "Hey there, how's it going?" and sat down quietly. ... The best excuse the other guys could come up with was "he took his meds."

...Some meds!

:smallbiggrin:

Radar
2009-05-05, 06:30 AM
Well, there was this game set in early Middle Ages (with a twist: slavic mythology is all true and slavic countries didn't accept christianity).

So we were preparing to fight off a siege. Enemy had already set a camp and started building siege towers and such. One of the players (less then half-a-meter tall sort of a gnome) decided to sneak out in the night and do as much damage a possible. He managed to posion some food supplies, but best of all, he found the leader's tent and decided to assassinate him. The guy was sleeping on a proper bed, so the gnome climbed on the bed, went to the guy's head and used his medicine knowledge to cut the arteries. There was some uproar and a chase scene. On the way out the gnome set one of the siege towers on fire. Nobody expected a totally non-combatant character to be that dangerous.

The same siege later: we were pushed back to a stone keep (last line of defence and such) and someone found out an allmost ready undergound passage - we heard the workers and one or two stones from the basement wall were already pushed away. My character (sort of a half giant) scratched his head, took a spear and poked it into the hole. The answer was a scream, so he continued poking in different directions until he got shot in stomach - turned out, they brought crossbows down there.

Ovaltine Patrol
2009-05-05, 06:44 AM
Last time I got a feat for my alienist wizard I took Spell Thematics. I picked "Non-Euclidean Geometries," as my theme.

Dhavaer
2009-05-05, 06:56 AM
The dwarf cleric with magnets in his armour. Three attacks against him in one turn, all natural 20s. Amazingly, only one confirmed, but he still got dropped to -7.

Cheesegear
2009-05-05, 08:05 AM
So, we're in a tavern (aren't we always?) and my friend who normally plays the front-line man (Barbarian/Fighter/etc.) ended up being the last to the table in a new campaign we were starting. Since he was last, he got shafted and ended up having to play the healer (I normally do, even if I am first, but, this time, I didn't want to). Since this isn't his forte, he asks
"What's good for healing? Druid or Cleric?"
We just stared at him for a bit, and - as a joke - we suggested he play a Healer (the class), simply because they usually have a worse Code of Conduct than a Paladin.

Luckily for him, this would be a very undead-centric campaign. So the Healer was allowed to attack and such.

Anyway, we go forward a few levels blah, blah, blah, and, like I said; We end up in a tavern. A 'bar fight' starts up, and one us stupidly says "I'll take a Grapple on..." cue the fight about how exactly grapple works. In a matter of minutes - in real life - we're yelling at each other.
"NO! That's not how it works!"
"Well...in my house..."
"We're not in your house!"
"FINE!"
At this point, we're waiting for the last sentence to drop, where our friend says he's going home. But, my other friend (who is the Healer). Bangs his fist on the table (real life, remember) and just yells.
"HOW 'BOUT EVERYONE JUST CALM THE F* DOWN!?"

We all look at him. Holy Crap! All of us are silent. He turns to the DM and says
"I'm in a bar-fight, right? I get up on one of the tables in the bar; And I cast Calm Emotions. So, everyone can just stop fighting, and we can forget about the grapple rules because nobody's using them anymore? Deal?"

He then gained a few more levels, got his free Unicorn...And then was way too awesome for the rest of us.

Radar
2009-05-05, 08:27 AM
(...)
Yes... the dreaded grapple rules (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0233.html).

Thanatos 51-50
2009-05-05, 09:05 AM
Well, the party had been manipulated by the thieve's guild (by way of the party rogue - IE, me) into assisting them in a heist before the local Evil Cult could pull off aforementioned theft, which involved thousands of gold pieces worth of Residuum.

As there was a Paladin in the party, I couldn't exaclt be foward about this, and when the contract came down to find aforementioned thieves, that same Paladin, along with a minotaur warlord we had just recrruited, jumped atop the chance to return the stolen residuum and restore the party's reputation.

Eventually, despite my character's (The party rogue's) best attempts to sabotage the group, then the same Party's Paladin got a natural 20 on his Streetwise check, and found the perpatraitor's mother working at a soup kitchen. (To be fair, we had a name, race and general description. We had seen the theif run away, we were just trying to find him).
The paladin secured the party an invite to dinenr to meet the mother's "Darling Chasel".
He went to the Acadmey you know. Training to be a diplomat.

So, anyway, the party's Leader, a tiefling warlord (DMPC, but that was because we needed another member), the paladin, and the party rogue all showed up to the dinner.
Chase walks into the house, and sees the party.
Chase: "I'm home, Mom! Uh... whats going on?"
Paladin: "That's him! I'LL KILL YE!"

The DM then lays down the battle map on the PC we had set up, and explains details of the field, which involved a table that could be flipped with a DC 15 Strength check.
The Halfling (Chase) throws a shuriken across the room at the party's Paladin (After using his ranger multiclass to mark the Paladin as his quarry), The Rogue delfects said shuriken with his rapier (Yes, it was epic) just barely enough to keep the Paladin from being mortally wounded.
Chase Runs, and the Paladin gives chase.

The Rogue kicks in the back of the Paladin's knee whilst pretending to turn about and help with the chasing of Chase.
The warlord, sitting farthest away from the action, stands, draws his sword, and heads for the back door.
The Paldin runs out the back door and gets shanked into unconciousness before Chase continues to run away.
After being stabilsed and brought back from dying by oue friendly Warlord, he persists in trying to chase the thief.

At this point, the party Rogue proceeds to grapple the paladin and force him to his knees. This was brought about by some absolutely amazing dice rolls on my part.
At this point, the rogue lectures the paladin on subtly and admonishes him for blowing their lead.

At this point, the party tiefling runs back into the house, throws the table (because the DM wanted the table to be thrown), and looted the bone of the roast.

Many sessions later, the DM is looking over the now-retired tiefling's inventory and says the following.
"Wait, why does [Warlord's Name] have a 'bone of delicious roast' in his inventory?"

kladams707
2009-05-05, 09:41 AM
Let's see...I have quite a few (and some are quite long)
My first game was a 2e D&D game. The DM had myself and another first time player go through a quick session for practice. He had a necromancer invite us to a "party", where he subsequently killed the thief (yours truly) while the wizard (other player) ran away. I was raised by a wandering NPC and caught up w/ the wizard. Then we were welcomed into the hut of an old woman, who turned out to be a witch. My character sat there as the witch knocked out the wizard. Eventually we killed her. Then her 5 year old daughter comes in. She sees we killed her mother, and before we have a chance to explain, she tries to run off to tell the townguards. So of course we were first to kill her for our own protection. As we continued, a boy came up and tried to pickpocket me. He ran, but i caught up to him and ended up killing him. This is what happens when you kill first-time players in their first encounter.
To continue in the same line, when the real game got started, the wizard and I eventually came up with a shocking grasp/backstab combo and attacking NPCs when we had suspicions (and given what happened to us in the practice game, that was quite often). Though really, the funniest thing in that was a mistake of my own. I tried to backstab an innkeeper at one point, and competely missed. So I ran way to my own room (i know, I know, but I figured the innkeeper deserved a fair try). So I went to sleep and awoke to smoke filling my room. I managed to break down the door and run down the innkeeper running away. I lied my butt off and luckily everyone believed me.

In another 2e game, we had a crazy paladin that claimed that Ericthor (homebrewed god) was the only real god and all the others were imaginary. He ended up with a note pinned to his armor (how I don't know) that said "please forgive him, he's a bit slow." Anyway, at one point, we get transported to an elven island by his god. We meet the queen and he offends her in a way I can't remember. Later, the dwarf fighter (me) convinces the paladin to apologizes, knowing hilarious results would ensue (he found the paladin to be his entertainment). So the paladin approaches the queen as the dwarf remains near the exist, and respectfully apologizes. The queen accepts. Then the paladin says "Now, I would like to play a game called 'kneel to me...'" The queen yells "Wha-..." and the paladin interrupts with "I SAID KNEEL TO ME F------" and before we know it, the paladin disappears (at the hands of his god of course). From that day, a bounty was put on the paladin's head. The queen informs us of this bount and if the paladin were to ever set foot on their land again, he'd be dead. She transported us on our way, and we met up with the paladin once again. At one point in the game, our wizard opened a letter to read, but it wasn't for his eyes and he began rolling around thinking he was on fire. The dwarf convinces the paladin to try and run away, but our wagon doesn't have horses hooked up yet. By the time we get the horses hooked up the wizard has recovered. He magic missiles the paladin, and I stab the wizard with my dagger, which managed to drop him. When the priestess healed the wizard, he tried to put my character to sleep. I smiled and reminded him of the bounty. So we tied up the paladin and turned him in. We each got 10,000gp

Finally, for the last 2e story. I played an gnome illusionist and we had another gnome illusionist in the party. Well, before I joined, one of the thieves tried to sell the other illusionist into slavery. He was unsucessful and tried to play it off as a joke. Then one day, the thief and illusionist got into a tiff (probably b/c the thief tried to give the spellbook to my gnome while the other one was knocked out). Anyway, once the other gets his spell book back, he casts the equivalent of ghost sound making it sound like coins falling on the floor. the thief, being greedy looks around. My character, catching on, casts the equivalent of silent image producing the coins to match the sounds. Without rolling a will check, the thief starts swimming scrooge mcduck style through the coins (even though I doubt I produced that many). Then we started beating on the thief. After we were done, he went to the top of the carriage we were traveling in in hopes to find a healing poition. Instead, he found a hallucinogen(sp?) which made hi believe fairies were attacking him.

3.5 D&D. Well, in a game I ran, players ended up trapped in a room with no apparent openings and three levers. The monk fiddled around with the levers, and before he came up with the wrong combination, he came up with the right combination. That opened up a small door to crawl through. Then before anyone can move, he throws the levers in the wrong combination. It opens up a 100ft pit trap.

Raz_Fox
2009-05-05, 10:27 AM
Sass-mouthing the wizard turns adjacent enemies into fire-enemies.

Would you mind if I sigged this? :smallbiggrin:

Zaq
2009-05-05, 10:34 AM
In a level 7 one-shot I was playintg a little while ago, I decided to play a Wilder just for something different. I was set up primarily as a gish, but just for kicks I decided to take Dimension Twister. Normally Dimension Twister is not a very good power, but what the hell, it was a one-shot, I thought it might be fun. For those of you who don't know, Dim. Twister forces those who fail their save into a tiny dimensional rift, dealing a handful of d6s of damage and (more importantly) letting you teleport them anywhere in range.

So, it was a preprinted adventure, with the "twists" telegraphed a mile away and nothing we hadn't seen before, but oh well. There was one villain (his name was "Villain!" Okay, okay, "Vellenhost," but we all called him "Villain.") who kept harassing us on our way to the dragon's lair, but who always managed to escape us. We fought our way through the cave, and ended up facing the red dragon in a pool of lava. A round or two into the battle, who shows up but our old friend, sniping away at us from a ledge.

Me: So how far away is Villain?
GM: Oh, about 40 feet away in total.
Me (eyes lighting up, since the range of Dim Twister was 50): I see. I need a Will save!
GM: Does a 16 make it?
Me: No, no it doesn't.

I teleported him into the lava, doing something like 24d6 damage between the lava and the twister itself. I was planning on using Twister just to force enemies into positions where the rogue and I were flanking them, but... well, he's the one who gave me the pit of lava. I was just using it!

Thajocoth
2009-05-05, 10:38 AM
I'm a Halfling in a group with an Elf & 2 Dragonborn. We reach an Elf town where they don't speak common. The Elves there are wary about letting the Dragonborn in. Our Elf vouches for them and rolls horrible on diplomacy, so the Elves think he's just scared of them, and that's why he says good things about them. He says that he's not, but in a way that invokes a sort of challenge. So our party's Elf and one of the Elven guards wind up in a ring. Our Elf is a crossbow-weilding Ranger. The guard has a Bastardsword and Chain. He laughs at our Elf's choice of weapon.

Our Elf wins initiative. He fires a double shot that pins him to the spot he's in (immobilizes him) if both hit. They both do. He uses an action point, and fires a two shot encounter power. He humiliates the guard and wins. The guard tosses his sword at the ground and would storm off if not for the fact that he's immobilized.

Later, when we leave the Elf town, our Elf finds the guy to basically be a good sport and all that... Show that there are no hard feelings or whatever. He fails diplomacy again, insulting the guard further.

He's the 3rd person now who might have reason to hunt down our party imo. The first was a Lamia who barely escaped me as we foiled her plans, tripping the whole way thanks to Walking Wounded, and the other was a Gnome who was to help us blow up the portal that Lamia was trying to open. (We detonated his equipment early, while he was still next to it. We found no traces of him, so it's possible he had some way of jumping into the Feywild or something.) Well, I suppose there's also the goddess of madness that we let out of a magic box that seems to be breaking an agreement she mad with us. (We let her out only because she promised to leave the Natural World alone.)

lesserarchangel
2009-05-06, 01:57 AM
Towards the end of my first campaign, the party and our small army of followers (thralls of the psionic gnome) were faced with a fleet of enemy airships led by a large black dragon. The DM had planned for us to flee, with an epic chase scene finishing with a fight on the palace steps when our retreat reached the capital.

It didn't go that way. The gnome shouted "I have a cunning plan!" and got all of his thralls to enter a metaconcert. It turns out that psionic dominate can be raised in DC for each thrall linked to the master ... and he had forty followers. Two turns later, we had a pet black dragon ...

tcrudisi
2009-05-06, 09:01 PM
Because darn it, we need some.
What things have happened in your games that made you laugh out loud? What funny anecdotes of player stupidity, crazy twists, or hateful dice do you have? Have you ever done something totally insane that either wiped your team, or somehow miraculously won the day in the most completely unexpected way? Well then, share it!

The following occured in a 4e game.

We were in a battle that was one of the toughest battles our group had faced that we could actually win (we run away a lot). I play the Bard. We were fighting some monsters which have an aura that does 5 damage and stacks with itself (so other monsters with the same aura apply). There were 8 of these monsters and 6 of us. I'll skip to the exciting part.

There were still 4 of the bad guys left and my Bard goes unconscious. I still have one of my Bard heals left as well as my Cleric daily heal, but I never got a chance to use them. The paladin has used both of his lay on hands and he is unconscious. In fact, at this point, the Bard, Paladin, Rogue, and Ranger were all unconscious on the ground. All that was standing? The most inept Wizard ever and the Warlock. Well, they both know it's a losing cause. They cannot possibly take out all 4 in one round before they get taken down themselves. So what does the Wizard do? He pulls out a healing potion...

and lays it on my unconscious chest so that I can drink it on my turn.

Yes, you read that properly. Every single player told him several times how futile that was; how stupid of an action that was. Did he listen? No. So when my turn rolls around and he's unconscious, he asks me why I don't drink the healing potion. While I'm unconscious. After all, it is laying on my chest. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'll finish up the story, but the rest isn't as sad/funny. We didn't wipe, because we asked the DM to go ahead and play it out. On my next turn I ended up rolling a natural 20 on my death saving throw, so I was able to use a healing surge, pop up, heal two people in one round, and we all survived. But still -- the Wizard drops a healing potion on an unconscious body and expects them to drink it. I can't think of that story without laughing.

Radar
2009-05-07, 03:06 AM
(...)
That reminds me of an indie RPG game "Lords of Fate" (translation mine - i doubt it is avaliable in english). In essence the players (divided into two groups with oposite goals) have to stear the history into a particular direction through affecting the life of one important human. You can do some insane stuff, but any person seing or being involved in the stuff will get insanity points if you abuse your power. The point is, that above all you can't let the main character go mad.

So here was the situation: ancient Rome, Britannia, young centurion (main guy of the story) returns home and finds out, that his father married a celtic women, who is persumably a magic user (weird tatoos and such). We thought she was good and the young centurion didn't trust her at all, so one of the players had an ingenius idea to imbue him with the knowledge of the magic tatoos meaning. We tried to convince him, it's a realy bad idea, but he was stubborn and did it anyway. Result? The main protagonist started babbling incoherently with foam coming out of his mouth and we had to take back the time to fix things up.

Max Graeves
2009-05-07, 07:45 PM
We had a party of 4, low-level characters investigating a series of mysterious deaths in a small neighborhood in Greyhawk. I think it was a rogue/ranger, a bard, a swashbuckler, and a wizard of some sort or another. After falsely accusing and harrassing the local gnome shoe-merchant (my halfling rogue/ranger didn't care much for gnomes), our brave party decided to call it a night and retire to the tavern.

In the middle of the night the gnome shoe-merchant is seen wandering the streets, screaming incoherently and attacking innocent passers-by. Our party valiently slays the gnome, who turns out to be in thrall to a vampire spawn (the gnome didn't actually have any powers or anything; he was just wandering around screaming...still, we made it look like a valiant battle for any witnesses present).

After a couple of days of random searches, more harrassment of the locals, and half-a$$ed gather information roles, our party eventually tracks down the resting place of the vampire spawn...we had prepared in advance by spending all our hard-earned (or hard-stolen) cash on a few cheap silver daggers.

Low and behold, we find the vampire spawn's resting place. Unfortunately he wins initiative...still resting in his coffin, the DM decides he would leap dramatically from his resting place and attack the nearest poor schmuck. Dm roles a 1; DM then roles to confirm critical fumble - we were using the critical hit/fumble tables in the back of Dragon Compendium. Vampire spawn falls flat on his a$$, and is stunned for 2 rounds - the official story being that he got his cape caught in the coffin hinges. Low-level party then proceeds to curb-stomp stunned and prone vampire spawn with silver daggers and anything else readily available. DM admits defeat.

Epilogue: my halfling rogue/ranger was later arrested by the city guard for attempting to impersonate the gnome shoe-merchant and running a black-market shoe-smuggling operation.

Decoy Lockbox
2009-05-07, 08:44 PM
This story takes place inside a homebrewed campaign setting. I was playing Hans Blixen, our human rogue. Our party was about 5 people if I recall, and one of them was a bard named Brotten. Brotten loved to cast Tasha's Hideous laughter, a fact that will become important later in the story.

The party had just emerged loot-laden but wounded from raiding a Yuan-ti temple. We had stolen gold, jewels, weapons and most importantly for this story, copious amounts of very potent poison (like 3d6 CON damage poison).

We traveled through the woods to get back to our home base, the town of Goldfield. En route, we were intercepted by a group of ogre soldiers. It seems that the local ogre warlord is forcibly conscripting travelers to join his army, and as the ogres sauntered over to us, we assumed we would be given the same treatment. But of course, we had other plans. Did you know that the material component to casting Tasha's Hideous Laughter is a "small tart"? Chris interpreted that to mean "small cake"; Well, we put those tarts to good use this day.

<The scene begins with the head of the ogre soldiers sauntering up to us>

Ogre: Warchief want speak to you. You "fordibly conripted" he say.

Hans: *sighs angrily, speaks to ogres* Look you guys, we don't have time for this. We are on our way to a little girl's birthday party with these cakes, and if we don't get there on time, she is going to cry. Do you really want that? *rolls bluff check...massive success*

Ogre: Cake for little girl? We come with you to party, then you come with us to see Warchief.

Hans: *shaking head slowly* No, you guys don't get it. She lives atop a mountain, and you have to fly to get there. *rolls bluff check...another success*

Ogre: Fly? How you guys fly there?

Hans: How do we do it? Fairy dust of course. Everyone knows that.

Ogre: You give us fairy dust, then we go with you.

Hans: Okay, this sounds like a plan. The one problem is that you have to take fairy dust in food, like medicine you know? *bluff check*

Ogre: Oh yeah, me know.

Hans: I've got it! We've got more cakes than we actually need for the party. We always like to carry more cakes than necessary, just in case. We'll put the fairy dust in the cakes, and you guys can eat them. Then, you'll be able to fly. *bluff check success*

Ogre: Sound good. You put dust in cakes.

<The party huddles up, and praises the gods for the gullibility of ogres. After a little discussion, we decide to poison the ogres. But since ogres have a lot of CON and high fort saves, we are going to need to use a lot of poison. So we put 3 or 4 doses of this very lethal poison in each cake.>

Hans: All right, here are the cakes, two for each of you. Eat up gentlemen, then we will be off to the party!

<The ogres eat their first cake, while we wait for the poison to kick in. DM rolls the fort saves, and from the look on his face, a lot of saves were getting failed>

Ogre: Me feel funny...what happen?

Hans: Thats just a partial...fairy dust effect. It means its only working partially, so you need to eat the second cake too. *bluff success*

Ogre: Okay, makes sense.

Two minutes later, we had six very dead ogres lying on the ground. We high-fived in game, and then headed on our merry way, laughing all along the roadside.

Decoy Lockbox
2009-05-07, 08:47 PM
Low and behold, we find the vampire spawn's resting place. Unfortunately he wins initiative...still resting in his coffin, the DM decides he would leap dramatically from his resting place and attack the nearest poor schmuck. Dm roles a 1; DM then roles to confirm critical fumble - we were using the critical hit/fumble tables in the back of Dragon Compendium. Vampire spawn falls flat on his a$$, and is stunned for 2 rounds - the official story being that he got his cape caught in the coffin hinges. Low-level party then proceeds to curb-stomp stunned and prone vampire spawn with silver daggers and anything else readily available. DM admits defeat.

Wow, that was great. The mental image of a dracula-esque stereotypical vampire going "blah!" and then getting his cape caught in the coffin hinge is just too much. This story is also a really great case study in why not to use critical miss rules :smallbiggrin:

Berserk Monk
2009-05-07, 08:50 PM
Not sure if this counts, but one thing that always seems to work for me in Munchkin is taking a monster I have in my hand, placing another card behind it to cover up the actual text, and then placing it down and saying I use wandering monster. No one is ever smart enough to check to see if the card underneath is actually a wandering monster card. I can't believe how gullible people can be.:smallbiggrin: