COLORSHOCK - Cyberpunk and the colors of music!

[Icewalker]

Musician?
http://bp2.blogger.com/_8eMwcqqDPsw/SAJw68BfCPI/AAAAAAAAAAk/FrTW7s3bz_8/S660/darcjack+copy.jpg (http://colorshock.blogspot.com/2008/04/black-and-white.html)

Copyright 2007-2009 by Hillary Milton

It might just be a story, that echoed across worlds, danced between two girls, and sounded through the color of music



A Note From the Author
Welcome to Colorshock, the fiction/scifi/synesthesia inspired novel of mine. This is the one place where you can view it all together in its (more or less) completed state. This will also be the only place you'll get to see the insides out of the story, including secrets of the City of All Cities and LuxCultum, character profiles, and more color than your body has room for.

If there was a summary for Colorshock it might look something like this:

Welcome to a future that's neither yours nor mine– a future of a world that was never meant to be... In this cyberpunk city, LuxCultum, people inject streams of artificial intelligent bitmites into their mind so that they can mentally connect to the Net, Sky Bikes zoom by at the speed of sound in between metallic buildings swarmed with wild technology, and color-controlling teenagers fight in a never-ending gang war. The primary colors– Red, Green and Blue battle it out in this synesthesia inspired roller-coaster-ride of a story.

So essentially this story is on color-crack. It's confusing, and jumps around like Mexican jumping beans from one point of view to the next, switching from first to third person, and past to present tense. I'd call the writing style half-vignette, half-prose. It's broken up into sections that vary in length, but I wouldn't call them chapters.

Enjoy!

I'm sorry if your brain breaks!

[hr]
This is the story that a good friend of mine is currently in the process of writing. It's a beautiful work that is expressed significantly through the idea of synesthesia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synaesthesia), music - color synesthesia specifically. This is a mental trait which results in a listener seeing colors when they hear music, in moving shapes and patterns.

It's a very unusual story, slipping from narration into strains of poetic phrasing and rhyme and to anywhere else you could imagine.

Luckily for all of you, the story is currently being placed, one section every Thursday, in a blog format which starts here (http://colorshock.blogspot.com/2008/04/black-and-white.html) at http://colorshock.blogspot.com/.

One little note for everyone reading: when picturing scenes, know that The City of All Cities is in black and white. LuxCultum is in color.

[Shades of Gray]

Sure seems interesting to say the least, just started it.

[Icewalker]

...I still really want to discuss this with someone. Has nobody gone and looked at it? :smallfrown:

[DarkCloud]

well from the stats on his page, over 70 people from Gitp have checked it out.

I read the first 8 entries (from 2008). It didn't really grab me. Although I like the technology and the ideas of cyberpunk and this story- I do not like the "attitude" of cyberpunk or the youth angst. But I like her layout style with the colors.

[Icewalker]

Are you speaking about her work specifically, or the genre in general with regards to angst/attitude? Because Colorshock isn't particularly angsty: one can't really spend time being depressed in a gang. It doesn't really work. There's some things which happen a bit later where I can kind of see the idea, but it's executed in a very active fashion rather than a quieter one.

Now, I can't say I've read much cyberpunk, so I don't know exactly what you mean, but I don't really see it. Do elaborate.

[DarkCloud]

The whole thing about the "greens" and the fellow who was "too old to be a green" was where I stopped reading due to the angst and teen rebellion reflected in that portion of the tale. I skimmed through past the one guy who ended up in 1689, then I read until he made his way into the 1700s, looking for Jess. Next, I reached the entry where the cops hoped they could bag "this one kid" who was in the 1800s and smoking a cigarette.

She understands cyberpunk, and from what I read, she mirrors its style quite convincingly. Bruce Sterling or William Gibson would likely agree.

Lots of people do not like the... onomotapoeia(?) of beginning a story with spelling out sounds instead of describing them, but I think it does work considering the topic expressed in this particular tale.

--
This story did give me an idea though, and I think she perhaps should have taken this farther- by releasing a book on the internet, an author has the power to experiment with print in new and exciting ways. Utilizing layout and color in this particular story lent a lot to it. She might have even gone further and been more radical if she had wished.

[Icewalker]

So, the idea of color leaving one as they pass into maturity? I dunno, doesn't seem particularly off, and as a whole it certainly isn't angsty, from my understanding at least. Fair enough though, I suppose. As to being rebellious, that's certainly true, but it works, I think.

As to the thing like the 'cops' after Jack, that's rather detailed, and still not fully explained. It's got a lot more behind it though to make it viable, it's not just an opportunity to show fighting the machine. There's a whole conspiracy, and That I Am...so it's a bit more complex on that level.

It isn't exactly cyberpunk, honestly the best description we have for it is Colorpunk, as it's so based around synesthesia. As to being more extreme with the style, it does get so at a few points. This one section in particular, Rainbow Death Drive (http://colorshock.blogspot.com/2009/05/rainbow-death-drive.html), is a little more extreme, as well as breaking more into prose, which I think comes out really well.

[DarkCloud]

While I also dislike reading about drug injections (which is an annoyingly prevalent theme in Cyberpunk)... I like how she utilized the colors in the Rainbow Death Drive section.

I started reading and really hoped it would be like this: http://www.maxbarry.com/jennifergovernment/preview.html

But sadly it did not appeal to my tastes as much as this one.

The above is one of the few borderline "punk-style" written stories I enjoy. And it happens to be one of my favorite books.

I think the difference is that I do not like cyber-punk stories that take themselves too seriously. The story by Max Berry that I linked to has a huge dose of humour. I just do not think that works.

(ex: Sterling's "Mozart in Mirrorshades" series also receives my seal of approval.)

But I must add- some people very much enjoy the cyber-punk serious-style.

[Icewalker]

So it's more just general preference in genre. That's fair. The drug is a completely centric aspect of the world (rather obviously), so, yeah.

[averagejoe]

Will take a look when it stops being so late at night. PM me in a couple of days if I haven't responded-it probably just means I forgot.

[DarkCloud]

>>So it's more just general preference in genre. That's fair. The drug is a completely centric aspect of the world (rather obviously), so, yeah.

Yes, sorry. She is a good author, though. She knows how to use words (she varies her sentence-length and her style-constructions) and she obviously avoids grammatical and spelling errors, which is something rare on the internet. :)

She also has a unique style of writing and appears to have a specific voice from what I read. I like some of her choices in use of color, and integration of images. The style and voice is not to my liking, but I can recognize workmanlike craftsmanship when I see it-- I hope you realize this is praise-- the genre is just not generally my "cup of tea," so to say.

[The Endbringer Xaraphim]

I haven't read the comic yet, but I must say that the concept of synesthesia interests me. I myself have synesthesia: I taste colors.

Incidentally (for me at least) most things that are blue actually taste blue, most meats are a metallic color (silver) or black, and most fruits are a pale color of some variety.

So yeah, I'm going to give this thing a go.

[Silence]

Just finished reading the first month's worth of material. Really love the style it's written in; I'll try to finish it :)

[Pocketa]

Checked it out, read it, disliked it immensely.


Too many cliches borrowed from other works. The bikes totally scream Tron. Elements of Diamond Age and Snow Crash were mangled, i.e. the bikes, the Internet, business cards, and the mites.
Disliked the usage of vernacular and profanities when unnecessary. Writing style evolves over course of the story, which is unnecessary as well. It should have been developed before the writing of the story itself.
Usage of synthesia is highly unoriginal. It's such a buzzword condition nowdays, just like Aspergers, Parkinsons, etc. It's way trendy. Plus, it doesn't make sense that it would be selective and "fun" as it is in Colorshock.
The portrayal of gangs as fun and happy is terribly unrealistic, as anyone who is in/knows someone in a gang would know.
Sounds like a less sophisticated version of Rave New World.
Issue of color leaving oneself as they mature is way too similar to the concept of Dust in His Dark Materials.
Cliched portrayal of cyberpunks as ravers/cybergoths is super bland. If I wanted to read about kids in phat pants taking mind altering drugs, covered in glowsticks and neon, I would have read an article about a local rave. I.e. Trippendicular. That was even portrayed incorrectly. Raves and parties aren't prisitine and clean. They're messy, sweaty, smelly affairs. And that's fine.
Colorpunk isn't a term. It doesn't involve the alteration of colors themselves. It's cyberpunk, it's set in a speculative future.
Reliance on usage of phrases such as "crash and burn", "rock n roll baby" and lack of memorable quotes.
Writing well on the Internet=whatever. There was nothing really special about this piece. It's good the person has a project, but I don't like it at all. Inconsistent capitalization in regards to colors.
Cliched names. Because nobody else has ever named a character Dark or Death?
Lack of any backstory.
Lac of varied sentence structure. Always "X did Y", "X did Y to Z".
ALL CAPS DOES NOT EQUAL SHOUTING.


Rave New World is no great piece of literature either. It's by SparkNotes, the intent is to expose oneself to SAT words via a novel.

http://www.sparknotes.com/satfiction/ravenewworld/

Rave New World knew the world it was trying to create way better than the author(s) of Colorshock. I go to an urban high school and the way the present the Corporations, dealers, etc. was something I was able to readily draw parallels to.

Rave New World and Colorshock contained...

synthesia
ravers
gangs
drug usage
"the future!"

And unlike this piece, also...

had a strong vocabulary (the entire point of an SAT novel)
had a varied sentence structure
had a compelling plot
had a realistic characters
had allusions to other works
got published

And thank goodness it didn't contain...

Mary Sues
ALL CAPS
things like "hmmmmm" "hahahahaha"
weird combos of background colors and font colors


Could the author have picked a worst font/background combo? I had to copypaste the thing into Notepad, it was such an eyestrain. Pick one font color and stick to it. There's this thing, called using bold. It's to make a few words pop out. Typing in unreadable colors is disgusting.


I much prefer my novel, but unlike many, dare I say most? Internet authors, I have an editor, because I'm not an Internet author. If this was a NaNoWriMo piece, I'd understand, but this thing needs serious revisions. As in, not being boring, maybe?

Before anyone gets on me about my critique...

"That's so mean!"
No, that's my opinion. This was posted to GitP by a user, I read the blog, I disliked it immensely, and so I posted that I didn't like it. There's no attacks against the poster or the author, I merely dislike the novel immensely. Yes, most GitP posts aren't this harsh. So what?

"GitP is supposed to be a nice place!"
Not, it's a place to discuss a webcomic and the forum has some other boards, including the one in which this was linked to.

"Why don't you write a better one?"
I'm not an author.

"If you're not an author, you can't criticize it!"
I can criticize factories that make bad pencils even though I'm not a factory. CTRL+R.

"But you can't write properly yourself!"
No, I just don't care to on the Internet, especially on forums.

"But why would you write this!"
I wasted a couple hours reading a bad novel, I have the right to criticize it.

"But didn't this take you a ton of time to write?"
Uh. No. I type at over 105WPM. So no, it didn't.

"You're trolling."
Sure.

"LOL"
No u.

[Sneak]

Checked it out, read it, disliked it immensely.


Too many cliches borrowed from other works. The bikes totally scream Tron. Elements of Diamond Age and Snow Crash were mangled, i.e. the bikes, the Internet, business cards, and the mites.
Disliked the usage of vernacular and profanities when unnecessary. Writing style evolves over course of the story, which is unnecessary as well. It should have been developed before the writing of the story itself.
Usage of synthesia is highly unoriginal. It's such a buzzword condition nowdays, just like Aspergers, Parkinsons, etc. It's way trendy. Plus, it doesn't make sense that it would be selective and "fun" as it is in Colorshock.
The portrayal of gangs as fun and happy is terribly unrealistic, as anyone who is in/knows someone in a gang would know.
Sounds like a less sophisticated version of Rave New World.
Issue of color leaving oneself as they mature is way too similar to the concept of Dust in His Dark Materials.
Cliched portrayal of cyberpunks as ravers/cybergoths is super bland. If I wanted to read about kids in phat pants taking mind altering drugs, covered in glowsticks and neon, I would have read an article about a local rave. I.e. Trippendicular. That was even portrayed incorrectly. Raves and parties aren't prisitine and clean. They're messy, sweaty, smelly affairs. And that's fine.
Colorpunk isn't a term. It doesn't involve the alteration of colors themselves. It's cyberpunk, it's set in a speculative future.
Reliance on usage of phrases such as "crash and burn", "rock n roll baby" and lack of memorable quotes.
Writing well on the Internet=whatever. There was nothing really special about this piece. It's good the person has a project, but I don't like it at all. Inconsistent capitalization in regards to colors.
Cliched names. Because nobody else has ever named a character Dark or Death?
Lack of any backstory.
Lac of varied sentence structure. Always "X did Y", "X did Y to Z".
ALL CAPS DOES NOT EQUAL SHOUTING.


Rave New World is no great piece of literature either. It's by SparkNotes, the intent is to expose oneself to SAT words via a novel.

http://www.sparknotes.com/satfiction/ravenewworld/

Rave New World knew the world it was trying to create way better than the author(s) of Colorshock. I go to an urban high school and the way the present the Corporations, dealers, etc. was something I was able to readily draw parallels to.

Rave New World and Colorshock contained...

synthesia
ravers
gangs
drug usage
"the future!"

And unlike this piece, also...

had a strong vocabulary (the entire point of an SAT novel)
had a varied sentence structure
had a compelling plot
had a realistic characters
had allusions to other works
got published

And thank goodness it didn't contain...

Mary Sues
ALL CAPS
things like "hmmmmm" "hahahahaha"
weird combos of background colors and font colors


Could the author have picked a worst font/background combo? I had to copypaste the thing into Notepad, it was such an eyestrain. Pick one font color and stick to it. There's this thing, called using bold. It's to make a few words pop out. Typing in unreadable colors is disgusting.


I much prefer my novel, but unlike many, dare I say most? Internet authors, I have an editor, because I'm not an Internet author. If this was a NaNoWriMo piece, I'd understand, but this thing needs serious revisions. As in, not being boring, maybe?

That's so mean! GitP is supposed to be a nice place! Why don't you write a better one? If you're not an author, you can't criticize it! But you can't write properly yourself! But why would you write this! But didn't this take you a ton of time to write? You're trolling.

LOL

In all seriousness, your critique just confirms my suspicions about the story. I must admit, I haven't read it, and while I doubt I was going to read it anyway, I feel like my disinterest has now been vindicated.

No offense to the author (because saying no offense magically makes everything better), but an online story named COLORSHOCK that describes itself as a "synesthesia inspired roller-coaster-ride of a story" that takes place in the "future of a world that was never meant to be...in this cyberpunk city, LuxCultum," where "people inject streams of artificial intelligence bitmites into their mind so that they can mentally connect to the Net, [and] Sky Bikes zoom by at the speed of sound," and the main characters are "color-controlling teenagers...in a never-ending gang war" kind of has the odds that it'll be any good stacked against it.

Especially if they're all ravers. (:smalltongue:)

Maybe this is just my distaste for most fantasy and science-fiction series, but the whole concept seems too complicated, like someone added each element while thinking "hey, this is cool" without thinking about what each element brings (or doesn't bring) to the story as a whole.

I must stress once again, however, that I have not actually read the story.

So I'm not exactly the most qualified person for a critique. :smalltongue:

[Pocketa]

That's so mean! GitP is supposed to be a nice place! Why don't you write a better one? If you're not an author, you can't criticize it! But you can't write properly yourself! But why would you write this! But didn't this take you a ton of time to write? You're trolling.

LOL

In all seriousness, your critique just confirms my suspicions about the story. I must admit, I haven't read it, and while I doubt I was going to read it anyway, I feel like my disinterest has now been vindicated.

No offense to the author (because saying no offense magically makes everything better), but an online story named COLORSHOCK that describes itself as a "synesthesia inspired roller-coaster-ride of a story" that takes place in the "future of a world that was never meant to be...in this cyberpunk city, LuxCultum," where "people inject streams of artificial intelligence bitmites into their mind so that they can mentally connect to the Net, [and] Sky Bikes zoom by at the speed of sound," and the main characters are "color-controlling teenagers...in a never-ending gang war" kind of has the odds that it'll be any good stacked against it.

Especially if they're all ravers. (:smalltongue:)

Maybe this is just my distaste for most fantasy and science-fiction series, but the whole concept seems too complicated, like someone added each element while thinking "hey, this is cool" without thinking about what each element brings (or doesn't bring) to the story as a whole.

I must stress once again, however, that I have not actually read the story.

So I'm not exactly the most qualified person for a critique. :smalltongue:

I'm so tired, it took me a couple seconds to get why the first part was funny. Not at all your fault, m'dear, the fact I ran out of energy drinks.

But I had to stop after a while, I read maybe 20 chapters. Too many elements taken directly out of other books and not developed fully. Maybe choosing a few original concepts and evolving those would have been more effective. Also, I'm guessing the author will never read my critique anyways.