Apocalypse Survival Plans!

[The Dark Fiddler]

I'm not the only one who's planned for the apocalypse, right?

It doesn't matter what the apocalypse is caused by, as long as you have a survival plan. I'll post mine when my head stops asplodin'.

[VampireRot]

Step 1. Make up for all my past sins.

Step 2. Uhhh... Die horribly?

Step 3. ???

Step 4: Profit!

[Trizap]

1. Find Genie's Lamp

2. write very specific wish instructions in legalese to prevent mishaps

3. use super-specific wish instructions to make wishes that will save the world when apocalypses come.

4. ???

5. Profit!

[Jack Squat]

1. Grab guns in closet and secure area.
2. Contact/round up certain parties I intend to help
3. Live off stocked food, filtered water from nearby creek.
4. Set traps for animals, plant garden.

Seems pretty straightforward to me.

[Starscream]

1) After initiating the apocalypse with deadly army of robotic nanowasps, retreat to the wasp-proof shelter beneath volcano lair.

2) Lunch. Thinking an omelet and a light salad.

3) Activate clone-o-mat. Insert collected DNA of supermodels.

4) Begin repopulation program.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Asteroid Apocalypse.

Once its announced that the Asteroid is coming, find out where it will hit and try to find out the places that will take the damage. If I'm not in the immediate threat, dig a GIANT hole in the ground, really deep, and stock it with food, water, plants (for recycling oxygen), those lamps these use to grow plants in the dark, and a stationary bike turned into a generator. Obviously, use the bike to power the lamp, and otherwise survive until it's okay up there. Bring a few people in case it gets really bad up there.

[Collin152]

There's actually a few chapters on this in my upandcoming book, Hugh Canduit's guide to Surviving the Various Supernatural Threats Around You

[Canadian]

Boom headshot! All the zombies go down!

[thubby]

doesn't a genuine apocalypse preclude survival?

anyhow,
1) find an isolated area
2) find/make food/shelter
3) find something to put in for step 3
4)???
5) profit!

[Jkoshe]

1. Channel all the electrons from the earth (after all it's an electron sink) to the moon this will give it a negative charge, the earth will then have a positive charge.
2. Hide in an underground lair
3. Laugh when the moon hits the earth wiping out life as we know it.


Wait you want survival plans...not plans for causing the Apocalypse :smalltongue:

[MethosH]

I live in preparation for the inevitable apocalypse!
I've done some research and it sounds like a zombie apocalypse is more likely to happen them any other! So I have my own copy of "Survival guide agains zombies: Full protection agains the undead." :smallbiggrin:

[reorith]

i have mad supplies stockpiled from my pre election paranoia. plus my bug out bag. plus more ammo than i know what to do with.

[SMEE]

Since post-apocalypse life sounds boring and I can't reproduce at all, my Apocalypse survival plans go like:

1 - Die on Apocalypse day. :smalltongue:

[OverdrivePrime]

1) Hire an extremely durable and slightly psychotic camera crew.
2) ???
3) Make out with my wife under a waterfall.
4) ???
5) ???
6) Roundhouse kick the mutant king into a blast furnace.
7) ???
8) Fight my way into the underground bunker.
9) Kill Hitler (again)
10) High-five Bruce Campbell
11) ???
12) Emerge from the shattered, smoking ruins in slow motion with the setting sun at my back.

[Recaiden]

Since post-apocalypse life sounds boring and I can't reproduce at all, my Apocalypse survival plans go like:

1 - Die on Apocalypse day. :smalltongue:

Boring? No, it'll be great. And how about cloning?

[SurlySeraph]

i have mad supplies stockpiled from my pre election paranoia. plus my bug out bag. plus more ammo than i know what to do with.

Same, except replace "mad" with "some," "pre election" with "general," and "ammo" with "pointed sticks."

[Collin152]

Since post-apocalypse life sounds boring and I can't reproduce at all, my Apocalypse survival plans go like:

1 - Die on Apocalypse day. :smalltongue:

It's okay, I've got a stock of breeders prepared for this. You'll just join the ruling class, alongside me.

[reorith]

Same, except replace "mad" with "some," "pre election" with "general," and "ammo" with "pointed sticks."

hahahahaha i could avoid grocery shopping for three months using the goods i cached. also, how long are these pointed sticks?

[Alleine]

There's actually a few chapters on this in my upandcoming book, Hugh Canduit's guide to Surviving the Various Supernatural Threats Around You

I see what you did there.

I plan on either diving headlong into the apocalypse for awesome points, or, uhm, I'll get back to you on that.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

I personally intend to go along with the benevolent Space Pirates who will help with the evacuation of the planet come doomsday.

Sure, it won't be a glamourous existence. But neither will rotting in the radioactive glass fields like everyone who didn't go with the pirates.

[Collin152]

I see what you did there.


Well, someone had to.

[SurlySeraph]

hahahahaha i could avoid grocery shopping for three months using the goods i cached. also, how long are these pointed sticks?

8 inches on average. They're not quite as nice as .308s, or .45s, or .22s, or crossbow bolts, or really any competently made missile weapon, but they're better than nothing. :smalltongue:

[Fan]

Zombie Apoc: Fortify my tornado proof home (we live in the mid west Americas... Tornado's suck here.) with 10ft high concrete walls, grab my 3 best sharp shooting friends, stock up on ammo, food, and fill the tubs/sink/everything with water, and put a film over it to prevent evaporation from killing my water, set out rain receptacles, and wait out the storm.

Everything else: Kiss my ass good bye.

[Matticus]

1) Get bitten by zombie.
2) Hunt down and devour everyone who has ever slighted me.
3) Shuffle around.

:smallbiggrin:

[Bouregard]

You will all die in days as soon as all those german zombies shuffle over the big sea to you! Strict weaponlaws sucks :/ Nothing to shot with during a zombie apocalypse.

My plans? Capture a boat, drive to a remote Island.

[Bonecrusher Doc]

Make friends with these (http://www.disastershelters.net/office_attitude.php) people. And reorith, since he has all the guns.

I would also have some sort of small computer that can run off solar power, with Wikipedia and all the Army manuals downloaded to it.

Honestly, if I couldn't count on the military to provide for me, I'd probably go to my parents' farm. I still need to convince them to put in a pump for their well that doesn't rely on grid electricity, but other than that, it would be the best place for me and my family to go short of the wilderness of Idaho (where I'm planning to build my fortress once I scrape together enough capital).

[Bonecrusher Doc]

You will all die in days as soon as all those german zombies shuffle over the big sea to you! Strict weaponlaws sucks :/ Nothing to shot with during a zombie apocalypse.

My plans? Capture a boat, drive to a remote Island.

Sorry for the double post but I just saw what Bouregard wrote. No kidding! Can't even have pepper spray here unless it is specifically labeled for use against animals. I've been looking at the hatchets and axes in Norma and wondering if they would be any good for home defense.

[Spiryt]

Simple.

On through the dead of night
With the four horsemen ride
Or choose my fate and die.

There's no third option.

[Adlan]

http://www.zombiehunters.org/forum/

Depends on the Disaster, the situation, and when it is. Get prepared, Get Skills, and Get a Plan.


Got my BoB, enough supplies to Bug in if necessary, when the SHTF, if I must, I'll go to one of multiple BOLs.

[OverdrivePrime]

1) Hire an extremely durable and slightly psychotic camera crew.
2) ???
3) Make out with my wife under a waterfall.
4) ???
5) ???
6) Roundhouse kick the mutant king into a blast furnace.
7) ???
8) Fight my way into the underground bunker.
9) Kill Hitler (again)
10) High-five Bruce Campbell
11) ???
12) Emerge from the shattered, smoking ruins in slow motion with the setting sun at my back.

I just realized that Step 2 is to hire DragonForce to follow me around and rock out to enhance my strength during dramatic moments.

[Narmoth]

1. Look out the window: "meh, it's snowing **** again"
2. Go back to bed
3. Realize it's mid-summer: "damn we have ****ty summers in Norway!"
4. Turn around
5. Go back to sleep

Questions?

[MethosH]

You all should really get a copy of the Zombie Survival Guide (http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/zombiesurvivalguide/index2.html). :smallbiggrin:

[Innis Cabal]

You all should really get a copy of the Zombie Survival Guide (http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/zombiesurvivalguide/index2.html). :smallbiggrin:

Its a fun read, but it only takes his own zombies into account, not helpful really

[OverdrivePrime]

edit: blasted ninjas! :smalltongue:


You all should really get a copy of the Zombie Survival Guide (http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/zombiesurvivalguide/index2.html). :smallbiggrin:

I think a lot of us own it and love it. The problem is that a lot of the strategies are limited to a Zombopocalype. In a technology apocalypse where anything that runs on combustion or electricity fails, your survival strategies are going to be vastly different than a nuclear apocalypse, alien invasion, or measly ol' World War Z. Personally, I like to prepare for Ragnarök, as it seems like the most fun.

[DamnedIrishman]

Apocalypse survival plans? Simple: PUNCH STUFF. UNTIL IT BLOWS UP! (http://wondermark.com/520/)

[Xondoure]

First off, I'm going to use my apocalypse theme for a book of mine seeing as everyone already did zombies.

So, scientists are going to disrupt time and space shattering the universe causing the laws of physics become absolute chaos, Solution: Use the new laws to become the ultimate archmage.

As for zombies, I'm planning on building a community after I'm twenty one that live isolated from the world where we can use the internet, awaiting the day we are humanities last hope.

[TigerHunter]

If I'm not already in Florida, make for it ASAP. I'll have enough to worry about without adding the possibility of freezing to death in the winter, and I'll be familiar with the area (Melbourne, at least) since I'm moving there for college in August. Additionally, Florida provides easy access to the Caribbean with it's multitude of tiny islands that probably avoided infection with whatever plague might be responsible for said apocalypse (be it zombies or something more mundane) and allows me to supplement my diet with fish, a resource that wouldn't be available to me inland.

Once there, join the military. I get weapons, food, and the people in charge will consider me more important than civilians.

If the military starts falling apart, desert and start stocking up on food and weapons. Loot grocery warehouses rather than stores, stores are the first place people will look, while nobody thinks about warehouses. Find a secluded, easily defensible place on the south coast with easy access to a renewable food source, then start building up the area. Freshwater traps, additional defenses, the works. Also build a seaworthy boat for escape or migration to somewhere else.

[Rutskarn]

1. Grab guns in closet and secure area.
2. Contact/round up certain parties I intend to help
3. Live off stocked food, filtered water from nearby creek.
4. Set traps for animals, plant garden.

Seems pretty straightforward to me.

That's probably not going to sustain you through winter. Eventually, you're gonna starve.

[golentan]

1. Grab weapons/supplies for explosives.
2. Head for marina.
3. Get on fishing boat with friends and family.
4. Sail out and head south. The prevailing winds should keep gray goo/airborne viruses/radioactivity away, there are decent fishing grounds, and zombies have difficulty swimming.

[The Rose Dragon]

Apocalypse (Greek: Ἀποκάλυψις Apokálypsis; "lifting of the veil" or "revelation") is a term applied to the disclosure to certain privileged persons of something hidden from the majority of humankind.

Doesn't sound very... lethal?

[KilltheToy]

My friends and I have a Zombocalypse plan that involves looting the nearest camping supplies/hunting store and barricading ourselves inside a gated community. Won't hold them off forever, but it should be long enough. I have a certain one in mind at the moment.

[Egiam]

1- Join one of you guys

2- Figure out "profit!" reference

[Lupy]

Nobody saw that. >.>

1) Buy weapons and ammo and food and water and did a bomb shelter and such.

2) Die anyway!

[Collin152]

You're writing a book? Seriously, or is this a joke?

Oh, it's very serious.
Well, the book is a joke, but I am really writing it.
Everything from "Advent of (Someone elses) Messiah" to "Zombies", this book will help you cope with any kind of supernatural threat you'll have to deal with.

[Lupy]

Dammit! I knew you would see it before I caught that it was a joke! I knew it! I had my tinfoil hat and everything!

[Collin152]

Dammit! I knew you would see it before I caught that it was a joke! I knew it! I had my tinfoil hat and everything!

But it's not a joke. I really am writing it.

[Eldan]

Negotiate with it? I mean, I suck at negotiation, but I'm worse at every other survival option.

[The Dark Fiddler]

ARe you publishing the book? I'd buy it.

[Collin152]

ARe you publishing the book? I'd buy it.

That's the ultimate goal.

[Rutskarn]

I'd write the foreword.

"I can't recommend this work enough. This is in part because my pay is directly proportionate to how much I do so, in part because it's a useful tool for those attempting to Not Die (AKA, The Sport of Kings), and in part because if I keep going long enough I can probably figure out some way to plug Chocolate Hammer."

[Lupy]

That's the ultimate goal.

Oh. Cool. So it's one of those Apocalypse Survival things? Elaborate. :smallconfused:


I'd write the foreword.

"I can't recommend this work enough. This is in part because my pay is directly proportionate to how much I do so, in part because it's a useful tool for those attempting to Not Die (AKA, The Sport of Kings), and in part because if I keep going long enough I can probably figure out some way to plug Chocolate Hammer."

Yes. :smallbiggrin:

[Collin152]

Oh. Cool. So it's one of those Apocalypse Survival things? Elaborate. :smallconfused:


Well, there's a chapter for every supernatural threat I can come up with, which details the level of threat, your odds of survival, methods of staying alive, and methods of eliminating the threat.
So there's a chapter on Gods, a chapter on Vampires, a chapter on Zombies, a chapter on Ghosts, a chapter on Dopplegangers, as well as various other phenomena.

[Jack Squat]

That's probably not going to sustain you through winter. Eventually, you're gonna starve.

Worked for man for thousands of years :smallwink:

Around here winters are pretty mild. I may have to resort to growing cruciferous veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, etc.) and canning foods beforehand, but I shouldn't have too horrible of a problem. We barely even get snow.

I'm actually more of planning for a nasty tornado/earthquake/riot rather than full blown thrown-back-to-stone-age apocalypse anyways, so I shouldn't need more than a week's worth of supplies before aid arrives. (really shouldn't need more than a couple days worth, as any natural disaster isn't going to provide continuous deterrence from air support, seeing as how Knoxville isn't exactly hurricane/flood country.)

[Rutskarn]

Worked for man for thousands of years :smallwink:


Well, not really, no. Horticulture made up only a little of man's diet, as far as I understand it--mostly, it was foraging and hunting.

Post-Apocalypse Agriculture, which is basically unfeasible in urban areas and rural areas alike (the latter, because the tools farmers use today depend on the infrastructure society provides), is pretty damn complicated.

[Jack Squat]

Well, not really, no. Horticulture made up only a little of man's diet, as far as I understand it--mostly, it was foraging and hunting.

back when we lived in caves yes, but we figured out we could grow edible stuff and not have to constantly move around before civilization formed. If farming didn't work, we'd still be nomadic. Same with domesticating animals for food. While not all areas fully adopted this (i.e. plains indians), Rome sure as heck didn't get up and move every few months when the food supply ran out.



Post-Apocalypse Agriculture, which is basically unfeasible in urban areas and rural areas alike (the latter, because the tools farmers use today depend on the infrastructure society provides), is pretty damn complicated.

I'm not trying for a full scale "profitable" farm. Enough to feed a family or two doesn't take near as much work as one would think. I've got a variety of hand tools, and the hardest part will be watering (considering there'll be rationing of water, especially in winter when the nearby creek tends to dry up), but funneling the gutters into some 55 gal drums should do the trick. Urban gardening isn't unfeasible, look into the old Victory Gardens. You're not going to get self sufficient there, but it will make a dent.

I'm in a half-rural area (suburban, but there's still plenty of farms and wilderness about), there's often deer, squirrels, birds, rabbits, turkeys, coyotes, and a few other bits of wildlife nearby (the amount of roadkill lends to the theory that it's plentiful), as well as cattle/chicken farms literally not 300 yards from me, where I'm sure I can barter/purchase meat.

[raitalin]

The real problem lies in what one defines as "Apocalyptic", nothing short of a direct hit from a Gamma Ray Burst, sudden black hole, sun explosion, sudden core seizure or rogue planet is really world-ending from the Earth's point of view.

Now from human society's POV we've got:

Zombies

Oddly enough, zombies are the least frightening of those options. That's probably why they're the most fun to plan for. The basics:

1.Mobility and distance are your friends: Stay light and procure a dirt bike or horse. Rifles are preferable to any other firearms as they save ammo with accuracy and can be used before the zombie is a threat.

2.Zombies generally can't climb

3.Swords/Machetes don't run out of ammo

My personal plan is to wait for my neighbors to panic and flee, destroy the steps leading up to these 4 apartments, scavenge all the food available in them & wait for the hysteria to end. The I can make it to somewhere safer.

Hopefully the Zombies eventually starve or start decaying, otherwise its going to be a loooong post-apocalypse.

Religious Armageddon

Religious Armageddon is probably the toughest to plan for, since its so varied, though if you're one of the lucky ones you won't even have to be around for it. It pretty much comes down to what exactly the feces hitting the fan takes the form of. If its an Earthly battle between the forces of Good and Evil we're pretty well screwed. I suggest taking up with the good guys, now that you're sure about that whole afterlife thing.

World-wide EMP

World-wide EMP may be the scariest, as it kills very few people and leaves a lot of panicked people around raising Cain. I suggest learning to farm, butcher and hunt, purchasing a ranch in BFE with a 12ft. high stone wall, indoor hydroponics a small outdoor farm and about 6 goats. You'll Make sure you get non-hybridized seeds so the plants naturally reproduce, and learn the quality of the land before purchase; a subsistence farm can require anywhere from .25 to 10 acres per person. This is probably best accomplished in the long term with 6-12 people. Eventually you can form a trade network and we can all give anarcho-syndicalism a shot.

Or you can lie low and make do as a scavenger. Raiding will probably also be very lucrative, if violent and short-lived.

Nuclear Holocaust-Winter/Extinction Level Event Impact

The plan for a nuclear event and ELE Impact should be pretty similar. Remember, you most likely won't be ones of the ones that dies in the initial blast, you'll be one of the ones that starves after the sun is mostly blocked out for between 2 months and 3 years. The best bet is that if you survive the blast and/or fallout Head out to the Pacific NW/BC if you're in North America, as the power out the is largely hydroelectric, and start a very large hydroponic warehouse.

http://www.webpal.org/d_resources/list.htm Can help plan your route/calculate your odds of not getting rad sickness.

Hostile Extraterrestrial Invasion

And if hostile aliens come, call Will Smith, he'll welcome them to earf. Or hope they get Deus Ex Machina'd away. Or hope they're woefully unprepared, ala Harry Turtledove's "Worldwar" series.

Shameless plug: I've writen a few related articles on my blog. Futurist History (http://futuristhistory.blogspot.com)

[Katrascythe]

Zombie Apocalype

Step 1: Find Frank West
Step 2: "I've covered wars, ya know?"
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit, ie survive the apocalypse, make it to the helipad on time, watch the guy get eaten by a zombie, then stand on the top of a tank as I ride it outside the city.

[Exeson]

It doesn't matter which apocolypse type here is my basic plan, being fairly realistic.

1a. Get in touch with my friends.

1b. If contact is not possible then go over to a certain someone's house and say my final goodbye, if I am able to travel that distance.

2. Smoke those two cigarello's I have been saving.

3. Drink the brandy, all of it, everything is happier when you are drunk.

4. Burn the envelope containing all my little trinkets and memories.

5. Stand on top of some really tall building, (there are a few around) and laugh manically as I whole-heartedly offer my soul to the Devil or any other supernatural being in return for kick ass powers of some kind that saves me from the apocalypse.


6(contingency plan). If that does not work then resign myself to the fact that I am not going to survive, jump, enjoying the ride down to the solid pavement whilst smiling knowing that I had the last laugh.


To be fair the order is not set in stone, it will change depending on the type of apocalypse but you get the general idea involved. ^_^

[Miklus]

In case of a nuclear war, you can always fall back on the good old cold war survival guide:

http://www.oism.org/nwss/

The basic trick is to dig a hole and stay there until the worst of the radioactivity has decayed. That should not take more than a couple of weeks. Then send out the old folks first, they would have died soon anyway. It is actually a fun read.