Misheard spells

[GreatWyrmGold]

Due to some response here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=112712), and this thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=113118), I've decided to see what similar spells you can come up with!
Try to keep it as close to the misspelled spell as possible.

(Also: Mis-spelled is a new descriptor for spells like Cone of Kobolds and Cone of Corpses.)

Flyerball
Transmution (Mis-spelled)
Level: Sor/Wiz 5
Components: V, S
Casting time: 1 round
Range: Medium (100 ft +10 ft/level)
Area: 20-ft sphere
Duration: 1 minute/level
Saving throw: Rexlex negates (harmless)
SR: Yes (harmless)

Everyone in the area is covered with reddish feathers and can fly as if they had fly cast on them.
Material component: A feather, covered with bat guano and sulpher.

[adanedhel9]

This was a Freudian Slip from a father-to-be during a recent discussion of reduce person:

Produce Person
Conjuration (creation, mis-spelled)
Level: Clr 9, Sor/Wis 9
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 hour
Range: 5 ft.
Effect: One created person
Duration: Instantaneous

This spell creates one humanoid. You may choose the humanoid's race, gender, height, weight, hair color, eye color, and other physical attributes. If you have a reference, such as a painting or a willing subject, the humanoid can even be a physical duplicate of another person.

When initially created, the humanoid cannot speak and has limited knowledge of the world around it. For a period of 1 day per 2 caster levels after the casting of this spell, the humanoid is obedient and learns very rapidly. At the end of the first day, the person is a fully-capable first-level NPC, trained in whatever arts have been taught to it. Each subsequent day of training adds an additional level to the person. If no training is provided, the person advances as a commoner. If so desired, the original caster of this spell can end this learning period at any point after the first day.

Once the initial training period is over, the person becomes fully independent of the caster. At this point the person feels no compunction to obey the caster (or anyone else), though it is friendly to the caster. The caster (or others) may make Diplomacy checks to influence it as normal for an NPC.

Material Component: An egg.

[DanielLC]

And, of course, there's most of the incentive comics (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/Incentives.html).

[GreatWyrmGold]

Care to stat any out?

Meatier swarm
Conjuration (Creation) (Mis-spelled)
Level: Sor/Wiz 8

This spell works as meteor swarm, but deals bludgeoning damage. The meat created lasts permanently and turns the area into difficult terrain. When gathered, the meat can feed 100 Medium creatures (carnivores/omnivores only) for 1 day.

[Lysander]

Here's the alternate of Protection from Energy:


Protection from An Orgy
Abjuration
Level: Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S, DF
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: 10 min./level or until discharged
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

During the duration of the spell the subject's genitalia vanishes and becomes smooth skin like a ken doll.

[PumpkinEater]

Original Spell: Eyebite

I Bite
Transmutation [Misspelled]
Level: Brd 4, Sor/Wis 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Creature Touched
Effect: One created person
Duration: 1 round / level

This spell causes the targeted creature's palms to morph into giant, gaping maws lined with razor sharp teeth. The creature gains a Bite attack that deals 1d6 damage for each hand the creature has.

If the targeted creature has no hands, the creature gets eaten grows a second mouth right where its neck is. The creature suffers no disabilities (besides extreme freakishness) from this effect, and gains a Bite attack that deals 1d6 damage. (Note that some creatures, like a horse, will not be able to use this Bite attack).

[Nero24200]

ANTI-WIFE SHELL
Somthing no married man should be without.

ENDURE ELEPHANTS
For those dangerous treks convently underneath all those elephants.

MAKE HOLE
Requires a special material component, some T.N.T

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Misspell Magic
A successful caster level check (1d20 + caster level, maximum +10) replaces the target's next spell with the one in this thread that its name most resembles.

[Stormthorn]

ANTI-WIFE SHELL
Somthing no married man should be without.

ENDURE ELEPHANTS
For those dangerous treks convently underneath all those elephants.

MAKE HOLE
Requires a special material component, some T.N.T

Endure Elephants should let you make a fort save to not take damage from any elephant source.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Misspel magic is awesome...
I came up with a zillion other ideas. I want YOU to make several of them! I'll help, too. Maybe we'll make a Mis-spelled domain? Or a Misspeller class?

Protection from Lay-offs
Mall of Fire
Hall of Thorns
Tragic Missile
Blade Blast Fireball
Acid Smash
:roy: of Frost :smallbiggrin:
Explosive Rooms
Messier Planar Ally
Scrambler
Disguise Help
Mold Monster
Cold Person
Burning Sands
Feather Wall
Hear
Flame Spike
Mice Storm
Stinger of Death
Find the Wrath
Fat's Grace
Flesh to Scone
Fivesight
Cliff of Warding
Waste
Paste
Holy Light
Holy Lord
Invisibility Merge
Iron Potty
Mean Edge
Walk
Leomund's Tiny Mutt
Swish
Cage Armor
Page Hand
Rage Armor
Sage Hand
Wage Hand
Magic Bar
Tragic Missile
Snake Whole
Bark of Justice
Self's Acid Arrow
Bending
Mind Frog
Purify Memory
Borsenkainen's Bagnificent Banishing
Fordenkainen's Fagnificent Fasion
Lordenkainen's Lagnificent Lashings
Nystul's Magic Door-a
Obscuring Hisses
Order's Math
Overland White
Pass Mall
Permanent "C"
Grain Shift
Polymorph Any Subject
Produce Name
Mayor
Protect Image
Protection from Wells
Protection from Sparrows
Prying Flies
Stench
Mage
Raise Shed
Feed Magic
Degenerate
Remove Furs
Remove Deer
Reverse Manatee
Rope Stick
Rusting Gasp
Crying
Lending
Repia Rake Rigil
Fepia Fake Figil
Lepia Lake Ligil
Shepia Shape Shigil
Soul Find
Gout
Snow
Solid Frog
Frog Cloud
Strike Stones
Stone Smell
Funbeam
Stunburst
Trap the Bowl
Benser's Banishation
Thyme Stop
Dew Ressurection
Wall of the Banshee
Wall of Ironing
Water Talk
Saves of Exhaustion
Feared
Phone of Truth
Wind Fall
Frightening Bolt
Fasilful Polymorph
Animate Fred
Animal Dance
Bigby's Crushing Sand
Bigby's Shushing Hand
Finding
Spade Barrier
Color Spay
Cone of Scold
Continual Shame
Creeping Dorm
Control Feather
Detect Weevil
Detect Some Dead
Evard's Snack Tentacles
Flame Sparrow
Threebidance
Fool Touch
Heal Metal

...and any others you come up with!

[kopout]

Detect Weevil
Gleaner 0
Adept 1
An invaluable spell that allows gleaners and other rural, casters to determine the number of weevils in the grain they depend upon for food

[Eldan]

I'll make a few of these.

Leomund's Tiny Mutt
Wizard 5
Conjuration (Creation)

This spell creates a puppy of tiny size. The creature appears in an extradimensional space, and can only be found by following the leash that appears in the caster's hand. Upon finding it, it can be dragged into normal space.
The puppy has the stats of a dog, but is of tiny size, has it's strenght reduced to 3 and it's speed reduced to 5 feet. Also, it is naturally blind.


Find the Wrath
Wizard 3, Cleric 2
Diviniation
Duration: Concentration

This helpful spell shows the caster the direction and distance to the closest divine caster casting any spell with the word "wrath" in it's name, or the closest creature using rage or a similar ability, if no such caster is within 10 miles.

Mold Monster
Transmutation
Wizard 8

This spell works like Polymorph any object, but only works on living or undead creatures. Additionaly, it deals 5d6 points of fire damage and 5d6 points of force damage to the target. A creature killed by this spell melts into a puddle of goo.

[Lysander]

Cry

This spel causes you to weep and sob profusely. As the tears roll down your face you can catch blurry glimpses of whoever or whatever makes you sad, wherever they are on the same plane.

Goes Sound

This spell allows you to create any soft noise, however the illusion quickly moves away from you in a direction of your choice at speed of 20ft a round.

[Set]

Leomund's Tiny Mutt is awesome. As is Continual Shame. (Continual Blame might be a good one for a Bard, to make someone else take the blame for his misdeeds.)

I can't imagine what Reverse Manatee would do, but it's amazingly cool.

[brujon]

Fryball

Conjuration [Misspelled]
Level: Wizard/Sorcerer 3
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 40 ft 10ft area
Target: Creature Touched
Effect: One created person
Save: Reflex Special (See text)
Duration: 1 round / level (max 10 rounds)
Focus: One Frying Pan.

You conjure a ball of vegetable or animal oil that's boiling hot. You then make a ranged touch attack against one creature of your choice. That creature takes 1d6/level fire damage (max 10d6), and must make a reflex save or fall prone. Additionaly, all creatures on the radius take half damage, and must make the reflex save. For 1 round/CL the affected area is slippery and is affected as per a Grease spell.

This spell can also deep fry any animal/vegetable matter of your choice instantly, and the food bestows 1 point of magic healing.

[Olo Demonsbane]

I was thinking about starting a thread like this when I misread Dessicating Sphere as Defeccating (sp?) Sphere :smalleek:

Defeccating Sphere
Sor/Wiz 2, Druid 2
Duration: Concentration

This spell creates a large ball of animal matter. Each round, the ball can make a jet of poop shoot out at a target within 10 feet. Attack bonus is equal to your caster level, and it is a touch attack. If it hits, the target must make a Fortitude save DC or be nauseated for 1 round.

Oh, and...

Tragic Missile
Sor/Wiz 1

This spell causes your foe to cry for 1d4 turns giving him a 20% miss chance when attacking.

[Set]

Day of Frost - this spell causes the next 24 hour period to have an average temperature of 32 degrees Fahrenheit.

Couch of Fatigue - this spell only affects on sitting or reclining target, causing them be unable to get up if they fall a Will save. Material Component - a strange wand with many multi-colored buttons. When fiddled with, the affected target sees distracting minor images that take away their will to get up off of the couch of fatigue.

Rending - the opposite of Mending. This spell is something used to remove clothing quickly.

Massage - an Orc masseuse (technically masseur, since it's a boy Orc) appears and flings the target facedown on the ground, beginning a 30 minute massage routine that ends with the Orc walking on their back. There is no happy ending.

Sage Armor - the targets armor is temporarily transformed into a scholar's outfit. This could be useful, for someone who isn't expected to be greeting the King clad in platemail. This could be terrible, for someone who is in the middle of a fight...

Protection from Food - the target gets DR 25 vs. all items of food and drink. Unfortunately, the target can't eat or drink anything either, without shoving it into his mouth forcefully enough to do 25 pts of damage to himself. It lasts 1 day.

Burning Wands - all magical wands within 30 ft. immediately burst into flames, which does not destroy the wands (although each loses 1 charge from the depletion of magical energy), but does inflict 1d6 fire damage to anyone holding them at the time.

Floating **** - this spell creates a small floating Englishman with a pipe, greatcloak and floppy hat, who has a +10 modifier to Search, Gather Information and Sense Motive checks.

Shocking Grass - the 'companion spell' to Entangle, this causes native vegetation within a 10 ft. radius circle within Close range to become electrified, inflicting 1d6 Electrical damage per round to all within the area of effect for 1 round / level.

Dolor Spray - anyone struck by this bleak monochromatic cone of ennui-inducing energy must make a Will save or stop caring about anything and being unresponsive to any stimuli for 1d6 rounds. Material component is black guyliner and a clove cigarette.

Disguise Elf - this spell can make any elf look like any non-elven humanoid of the same size. General features will not change, so that someone very familiar with the target may still recognize them. The subject gets a +10 bonus to Disguise checks where not being an elf would be a factor.

Heather Fall - the falling subject turns into a petite blonde cheerleader named Heather, who automatically succeeds her Acrobatics check to reduce falling damage by 10 ft. from any fall. She has 6 hit points, and dies with a shriek upon reaching 0 hit points, transforming back into the original subject, who takes any falling damage over 6 hit points. If she survives, she still reverts back to the subject, who can take a normal action on their turn, as if they had not fallen at all.

Engorge Person - the affected target gains all the penalties of the next larger Size, but gains no bonus to Strength or extended Reach. The target suffers a -2 penalty to Dexterity, a -10 ft. penalty to movement speed (minimum 5 ft.) and all Armor Check Penalties are doubled, as his clothing no longer fits.

Rue Strike - the next person who strikes the caster really, really regrets it, and spends their next round's action apologizing profusely (able only to make a single 5 ft. step and take the Total Defense action) unless they make a Will save. Whether they save or not, they suffer a -2 to attack and damage rolls against the caster for the next minute, as they feel really, really bad about attacking the caster.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Mold Monster
Transmutation
Wizard 8

This spell works like Polymorph any object, but only works on living or undead creatures. Additionaly, it deals 5d6 points of fire damage and 5d6 points of force damage to the target. A creature killed by this spell melts into a puddle of goo.


I was thinking "mold" as in the fungus, but, still, good job!

[DracoDei]

Couch of Fatigue and Dolor Spray would be good for my Beige Dragons. If you turn them into complete spell descriptions then I will add them to the list and link them.

[Roderick_BR]

Fireballs.
Works like Fireball, but male characters make no save to halve the damage.
They do a save to put off their pants.

A Restore or Heal spell can recover their abilities to have descendents.

[Eldrys]

Never done a home brew, but I have a misheard spell "Dorkvision"

[Eloel]

Beware the Gooberry...

[GreatWyrmGold]

PLEASEpleasepleasepleasePLEASE!!! someone do :roy: of frost. Or scorching :roy:...or polar :roy:...or something!

Also opening up the floor for misspelled monsters!

The misspelled subtype
This subtype includes all creatures with a misspelled spell as a spell-like ability. It also includes other monsters (Misplacer Beast, Fire Bear, Fire Wellimental, etc).

[RelentlessImp]

Polar Roy
Evocation [Cold, Misheard]
Level: Sor/Wiz 8
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: Falling frozen humanoid
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

A dark-skinned single-class fighter frozen in a block of ice falls from the sky, dealing 1d6 damage per caster level. Half of this damage is cold damage, half of it is bludgeoning damage. Upon striking the target, the ice shatters, dealing 3d6 piercing damage to the target, and freeing the Fighter from his imprisonment. Upon being released, he verbally abuses someone named 'Elan' and then vanishes.

Arcane Focus: A print copy of any Order of the Stick book or strip.

[PairO'Dice Lost]

A dark-skinned single-class fighter frozen in a block of ice falls from the sky, dealing 1d6 damage per caster level. Half of this damage is cold damage, half of it is bludgeoning damage. Upon striking the target, the ice shatters, dealing 3d6 piercing damage to the target, and freeing the Fighter from his imprisonment. Upon being released, he verbally abuses someone named 'Elan' and then vanishes.

:smalleek:

What a freakish coincidence.

In the last campaign I ran, one of the bad guys killed one of the players (a dwarf fighter/monk) with cold damage, dropping him into -60 territory. Because it fit with the NPC's "cold + transformation" theme, I ruled that the player's corpse was frozen in a block of ice. The half-dragon paladin hopped on top, flew just high enough to lift it off the ground, and ordered the party wizard to dimension door them above the enemy.

The block came crashing down, smushed the enemies, and took just enough damage to crack open, releasing the corpse, which was promptly revivified by the party cleric. He started cursing out his party-mates for manhandling (dwarf-handling?) him and stomped off to skulk.

How do you read minds over the internet!?

[GreatWyrmGold]

Polar Roy
Evocation [Cold, Misheard]
Level: Sor/Wiz 8
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: Falling frozen humanoid
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

A dark-skinned single-class fighter frozen in a block of ice falls from the sky, dealing 1d6 damage per caster level. Half of this damage is cold damage, half of it is bludgeoning damage. Upon striking the target, the ice shatters, dealing 3d6 piercing damage to the target, and freeing the Fighter from his imprisonment. Upon being released, he verbally abuses someone named 'Elan' and then vanishes.

Arcane Focus: A print copy of any Order of the Stick book or strip.

YES!!! Someone did it!

[Eldan]

Roy Deflection? Twin Roy? Split Roy?

[Amiel]

Refuse
Conjuration (Teleportation)
Level: Clr 7, Sor/Wiz 9
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Object touched
Duration: Permanent until discharged
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

You create powerful garbage. This strongly nauseating object contains the power of offensive stench and vile odor and may be instantly transported across any distance within the same plane to another's abode; it can be used both as a warning and a practical joke, it's versatile like that.

The garbage may be given willingly to a creature along with the command word or words used to activate its power. To make use of the object, the subject speaks the special phrase. When this is done, the individual and all items it is wearing along with the party (if the case may be) are instantly dumped by a torrent of a barrage of steaming revolting garbage

This torrent may be made permanent with the permanency spell.

Material Component

One bottle of garbage juice.


Power Word Krill
Enchantment (Compulsion) [Death, Mind-Affecting]
Level: Sor/Wiz 9, War 9
Components: V
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One living creature with 100 hp or less
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

You utter a single word of power that instantly fills one creature of your choice with krill causing that creature to burst from the excess seafood; whether the creature can hear the word or not is irrelevant.

Additionally, you may wish to forego that utterance and cause a targeted creature of your choice to experience a deep longing insatiable appetite for tiny crustaceans. The creature so targeted must eat until bursting or until she experiences a severe allergic reaction going into anaphylaxis whichever comes first.

Material Component

A single krill

[DracoDei]

Powerword Krill should only be mind-effecting or a compulsion when the spell is used in the second mode.

[Amiel]

It's a literal bursting coupled with or going into anaphylactic shock (causing death) brought about by a severe allergic reaction.

[Weimann]

Polymorph Any Subject
Level: Bar 2
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Object touched
Duration: N/A
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: No

In a conversation, a Bard may upon even the slightest contact with his target change the topic of discussion to anything he wishes. The target will have to continue the discussion in the direction the Bard dictates. He will not fell that the sudden leap of topic is strange or uncalled for, but will react with his usual normal feelings and opinions to the chosen subject. He will also ignore the Bard touching him. The target will keep to the Polymorphed subject until it is emptied or the conversation is interrupted.

If the target succeeds a Will save, he will not be affected, and will ask what possessed the Bard to make such a turn. He may also comment on the Bard touching him, if it was done in an obvious way. If the Polymorphed subject is one he is reluctant to speak of, he gains a +2 modifier on his Will save. A Bluff check of DC 13 will save the conversation, allowing it to continue on the previous subject. Otherwise, the target will be offended and walk away.

Purify Memory
Level: Sor/Wis 0, Bar 0
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Self
Duration: N/A
Saving Throw: No

This spell may be used to cleanse particularly unpleasant images or memories from the caster's head.

[Dancing_Zephyr]

Scorching Roy
Conjuration (Summoning, Misspelled)
Level: Brd 6, Clr 6, Wiz 6
Components: V,S,M
Casting Time: 1 round
Range: Close (25 ft. +5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: One Scorching Roy
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

This spell summons Scorching Roy. He appears where you designate and acts immediately, on your turn. He attacks your opponents to the best of its ability. If you can communicate with Scorching Roy, you can direct it not to attack, to attack particular enemies, or to perform other actions.

A summoned monster cannot summon or otherwise conjure another creature, nor can it use any teleportation or planar travel abilities. Creatures cannot be summoned into an environment that cannot support them.

Material Component: a stick collected from the ground

Scorching Roy
Size/Type: Meduim Humanoid (Human, Fire)
HD 13d10+39 (115 HP)
Speed 20 feet
Init: +0
AC 20 (+10 Armor); touch 10; flat-footed 20
BAB +13; Grp -3
Attack Greatsword +25 (2d6+11 and 1d6 fire)
Full-Attack 3 Greatsword (+24 +19 +14)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks None
Special Qualities Scorching Skin, Fire Subtype
Saves Fort +11; Ref +4; Will +6
Abilities Str 22, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 15, Wis 14, Cha 13
Skills: Ride +1, Concentration +15, Intimidate +8
Feats: Cleave, Great Cleave, Power Attack, Weapon Focus (greatsword), Weapon Specialization (greatsword), Endurance
Environment Mount Celestia
Organization OOTS
Challenge Rating ?
Treasure +5 Starmetal Greatsword, +2 Platemail
Alignment Always Lawful Good
Advancement by character class

Scorching Skin (Su): Scorching Roy adds 1d6 fire damage to any metal weapon he wields. In addition any creature who strikes Scorching Roy with a natural or metal weapon takes 1d6 fire damage
Fire Subtype: A creature with the fire subtype has immunity to fire. It has vulnerability to cold, Which means it takes half again as much (+50%) damage as normal from cold, regardless of whether a saving throw is allowed or if the save is a success or failure.
Scorching Roy's Starmetal Greatsword is especially harmful to undead. When attacking an undead targetwith his greatsword if Scorching Roy rolls a natural 20 the sword does an extra 6d6 damage.

Thyme Stop
Transmutation (Misspelled)
Level: Drd 0, Rgr 1
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: You
Area: Burst 1/2 mile radius
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

This effect targets thyme plants within a range of one-half mile, halting their growth for 1 year.

[Serrae]

Neutralize Poisson
Transmutation (misspelled)
Level: Brd 4, Clr 4, Drd 3, Pal 4, Rgr 3
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Creature, menu or object of up to 1 cu. ft./level touched
Duration: 10 min./level
Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless, object)
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless, object)

Neutralize poisson removes any trace of fish from the target creature or object. A creature who has eaten bad fish suffers no additional ill effects for the duration of the spell, however the spell offers no relief from symptoms already suffered.

The creature or object repels any fish it is exposed to for the duration of the spell, unlike Delay Poisson the fish is not prevented from reaching its destination in time.

Alternatively this spell can remove any trace of fish from any one menu.

Delay Poisson
Transmutation (Misspelled)
Level: Brd 2, Clr 2, Drd 2, Pal 2, Rgr 1
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: 1 hour/level
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

Target fish is prevented from reaching its desired destination for the duration of the spell.

Red magic
Illusion (misspelled)
Level: Brd 0, Clr 0, Drd 0, Pal 1, Rgr 1, Sor/Wiz 0
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: 10 min./level until discharged

The next spell you cast is noticeably redder than it would usually be.

Color spay
Transmutation (misspelled)
level: Drd 0, Pal 1, Rgr 1, Sor/Wiz 0
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Animal companion, Paladin mount or familiar touched
Duration: instantaneous, 1hour/level (see text)
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

Target familiar, Paladin mount or animal companion changes to a color of your choice and is neutered. the color change will distract the creature preventing it from noticing it's missing reproductive organs for 1 hour/caster level.

Invisibility's here
Divination (misspelled)
level: Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: All invisible creatures within range of the caster
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

Invisibility's here creates giant floating neon arrows (in color of the casters choice) above any and all invisible creatures within the range of the spell.

[DracoDei]

Starmetal basically makes the weapon Undead Bane I should think...

[Dagren]

Starmetal basically makes the weapon Undead Bane I should think...Probably, it certainly seems to have different properties to the starmetal from Complete Arcane.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Great! More mis-spells:

Fall of Iron
Prismatic Ball
Doll of Force
Wall of Farce
Guess
Firesmall
Phone of Cold
Repel Kettle and Scone
Summon Monster Bee
Fear a Kull*
*A kull can be those giant urgals in Eragon, or something else that makes sense.

[Weimann]

Wall of Farce
Level: Sor/Wis 5
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Duration: 1 hour/level
Save: Will halves

A wizard or sorcerer may protect themselves by raising a wall of concentrated idiocy and bad jokes. Any creature passing through this wall will be overcome with the ridiculous magic and forced to roll a Will save at -3.

Failure results in the creature making bad decisions, routinely mistaking the identity or people and the implications of encountered situations, formulating ludicrous plans and always acting in the least rational manner imaginable. His relatives will also at some point appear and explain how silly and incompetent he is. This effect lasts for 2d4 hours, a Will save halves the duration.

[Kris Strife]

Fear a Kull
Sorc/Wiz 5
Enchantment (fear)
Components: V, S, M
Casting time: 1 round
Duration: 1 round/level
Save: Will negates

Target is overcome with an irrational fear of Kull the Conquerer. Any mention of his name will cause the subject to flee if possible, or if escape is prevented, cower in terror.

Material Component: A ring of metal with regularly spaced metal blades facing outwards

[Dancing_Zephyr]

Spade Barrier
Evocation [Force, Misspelled]
Level:Clr 7
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Effect: Wall of whirling spades up to 20 ft. long/ level, or a ringed wall of whirling spades with a radius of up to 5 ft. per two levels; either form 20 ft. high
Duration: 1 min./level (D)
Saving Throw: Reflex half or Reflex negates; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
An immobile, vertical curtain of whirling spades shaped of pure force springs into existence. Any creature passing through the wall takes 1d8 points of damage per caster level (maximum 15d8), with a Reflex save for half damage. Creatures of the earth subtype take instead 1d10 points of damage per caster level (maximum 15d10) and may not take a Reflex save for half damage when passing through the spade barrier.

If you evoke the barrier so that it appears where creatures are, each creature takes damage as if passing through the wall. Each such creature can avoid the wall (ending up on the side of its choice) and thus take no damage by making a successful Reflex save.

A Spade barrier provides cover (+4 bonus to AC, +2 bonus on Reflex saves) against attacks made through it.

[The Tygre]

Y'know, aside from being funny, some of these actually appear useful. I don't mean useful to our everyday mundane little lives, but really, really -useful-.

[Fayd]

Bigby's Shushing Hand
Level:Archivist 6, Wiz/Sorc 6
Components: S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Duration: 4d6 hours + 10 minutes/cater level
Saves: Will saves

Creates a huge disembodied hand and a set of huge disembodied lips. The hand shushes the target, silencing it for 4d6 hours + 10 minutes per caster level. If the target rolls 9 or less on its save, it suffers from the effects of Fear as well.

Librarians get this as a spell like ability at level 1, usuable like a Warlock's Eldritch Blast for half duration, but no saving throw is allowed.
--------------------------------------
Cone of Scold
Level:Archivist 4, Wiz/Sorc 5
Components: S, V
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Duration: 10 minutes*
Saves: Will saves, deaf targets immune

Cone of Scold creates an area of extreme scold, originating at your hand and extending outward in a cone. If targets fail their save, they suffer a -3 penalty to attack and damage rolls, 3d4 sonic damage, and feel really, really bad about evil actions, forcing a will save each time before they can perform another evil action or attack a good or neutral aligned target.

Librarians and parents can cast this as an at will action (damage effect is optional) as many times as a equally leveled cleric can Turn Undead.

*The feeling really, really bad effect is maintained for 1 hour/caster level.
--------------------------------------


Also, I had to link this...found it when I was making the first one
http://www.duke.edu/web/DRAGO/humor/useless_spells.html

[TSED]

Reed Thoughts

Telepathy [Mind-Affecting]
Level: Telepath 2
Display: Mental
Manifesting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 60 ft.
Area: Cone-shaped emanation centered on you
Duration: Concentration, up to 1 min./level (D)
Saving Throw: Will negates; see text
Power Resistance: No
Power Points: 3


Every creature that fails its will save immediately begins daydreaming intensely about reeds. How they like them, how they hate them, how they feel about the swamp, etc. etc.

Creatures of animal intelligence have simple, instinctive thoughts tied to their relation. Swamp creatures will either panic about being out in the open, or immediately attack something they view as 'prey.' Non-swamp creatures will be confused by the plants waving in their minds.

An intelligent creature is dazed for x rounds, swamp creatures either attack nearest or are panicced for x rounds, and non-swamp animal intelligences are confused for x rounds.

[Fayd]

Raise Thread

It raises a dead or dying thread in forums to the top of the thread list.

[kopout]

Raise thread
Bard 0 Wiz/Sorc 0
Universal
Components: V, S, M
Casting time: Instantaneous

The caster causes a single piece of thread to rise into the air where it remains until moved by an outside force.

[nysisobli]

Misspelling touch

abjuration
level: duskblade 3. sorceror/wizard 2
component: v,s
casting time: 1 standard action
range: touch
target: one touched creature, object, or spell effect
duration: instantaneous
saving throw: none
spell resistance: no

Your touch causes one spelled effect to alter itself into another effect based on its spelling

One spell that is activated on someone or something is misspelled, and is changed to fit another spell in this forum such as blade barrier, is now spade barrier, or summon monster 1 is now summon munster 1

[GreatWyrmGold]

Great job!


Y'know, aside from being funny, some of these actually appear useful. I don't mean useful to our everyday mundane little lives, but really, really -useful-.
Cool!


Raise Thread

It raises a dead or dying thread in forums to the top of the thread list.
I like it being an anti-thread-necromancy thing...that's what I thought it was.


Raise thread
Bard 0 Wiz/Sorc 0
Universal
Components: V, S, M
Casting time: Instantaneous

The caster causes a single piece of thread to rise into the air where it remains until moved by an outside force.
:smallconfused:

[Fayd]

I think he was responding to my Raise Thread...

And I normally SAY Raise Thread instead of Bump...I feel like it has more class. (Probably not...)

[Kris Strife]

Raise thread
Bard 0 Wiz/Sorc 0
Universal
Components: V, S, M
Casting time: Instantaneous

The caster causes a single piece of thread to rise into the air where it remains until moved by an outside force.

Wouldn't it fall instantly due to gravity?

[Set]

Scorching Roy


See, I was thinking that this would summon someone with a scorching case of herpes, that promptly leaps to anyone he manages to touch...

[Weimann]

Repel Kettle and Scone
Level: Sor/Wis 2
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 100 yards
Duration: Instant
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: No

I was just trying to have breakfast!
- A commoner who decided that eating took precedence over paying attention to a wounded wizard.

Using arcane forces, the caster repels all traces of kettles and scones from a spherical volume with a 100 yard radius. Kettles and scones will speed towards the edge as if thrown by an invisible force. Anyone having eaten a scone recently will likewise be expelled.

[Fitz10019]

Flash Tucson
Conjuration (Teleportation)
Level: Clr 5, Sor/Wiz 7
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: up to Creature touched per caster level
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

Subject(s) are transported to Tucson, AZ, running, with no clothes. Transition from the Prime Material Plane to the Sad Reality Plane negates all extraordinary, supernatural, spell-like, divine, arcane and any other heroic abilities.

[smuchmuch]

A cleric one:

Slay Liver:
Level: Cleric: 6
As it says. Ouch

and based on the same:

Pay Living:
Level: Cleric 2
iI's a bit like creating water, except you're making cash flow instead. Makes a huge check appears in your target hand's. Usefull if you're a dungeon master. The amount of gp covered is determined by the caster with a max of level of caster *20

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

@Fitz

If I was drinking anything, i would have laughed it out off my nose at "Sad Reality Plane".

[Fayd]

I saw the following pic in this thread:
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=109234

http://i636.photobucket.com/albums/uu90/NamonakiRei/Misspelled.png

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Hind Blank
Illusion (misspelled)
Level: Protection 1, Sor/Wiz 1
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One exposed creature
Duration: 1 hour/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

You cause indistinct hazing and/or pixelation to obscure undesirable portions of bared anatomy. This spell may be cast before actual unrobing occurs, instantly coming into affect as needed.

Component: A single drop of acid, dripped in the eye.

[Zerg Cookie]

Neutralize passion

Can't think of the details, but it sounds funny

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Continual Blame
Enchantment (Compulsion, Misspelled) [Mind-Affecting]
Level: Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One creature
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

Whenever something unpleasant occurs within 10 feet of the target is seen as the source of the problem. It may be anything from an unpleasant odor to the failure of crops. Preexisting problems my even be blamed on the target if before it had no specific source.

Material Component: Can of beans

[Random832]

Explosive Ruins

(saw this in a typo in one of those spoiler jokes)

Unfortunately, I suspect it'd have to be an epic spell, and I don't know the epic rules, so I can't do a description

[rty275@comcast.]

this ones for you afroakuma

Summon monster ∞

summon anything, including a

PSUDONATURAL (epic level handbook style by the way) HALF DRAGON HALF CELESTIAL HALF FEINDISH FORGE ELDER!!!!!!
from this thread (but without the templates)

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5042438&postcount=68

[Eldan]

A cleric one:

Slay Liver:
Level: Cleric: 6
As it says. Ouch

and based on the same:

Pay Living:
Level: Cleric 2
iI's a bit like creating water, except you're making cash flow instead. Makes a huge check appears in your target hand's. Usefull if you're a dungeon master. The amount of gp covered is determined by the caster with a max of level of caster *20

Slay liver needs a bottle of booze as a material component.

[Amiel]

Spay Living
Necromancy (Death)
Level: Clr 5, Death 5
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Living creature touched
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Fortitude partial
Spell Resistance: Yes

You can spay any one living creature in a genetically unbiased manner, neutering it completely; rendering it infertile, castrated and unable to ever conceive. You must succeed on a melee touch attack to touch the subject, and it can avoid eunuchood or maidenhood with a successful Fortitude save. If it succeeds, it instead takes 3d6 points of damage +1 point per caster level.

Explosive Runs
Abjuration [Force]
Level: Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: One touched object weighing no more than 10 lb.
Duration: Permanent until discharged (D)
Saving Throw: See text
Spell Resistance: Yes

You trace mystic sigils in the air within vicinity of the victi...er, subjects. All within 60 feet of the magical invisible runes hanging upon the air suffer explosive diarrhea, pleading with their adventuring companions to find the nearest toilet, or suffer the wrath of a tempestuous brown storm.
Anyone close enough to the runes, at least within five feet, does not receive a Fort saving throw and must empty their bowels immediately; any other creature within 10 feet of the runs is entitled to a Will or Fort save for half effect.

The sigils may remain upon the air indefinitely, or until removed. You and any characters you designate as friendly can read the protected writing without triggering the runes. Another creature can remove them with a successful dispel magic or erase spell, but attempting to dispel or erase the runes and failing to do so triggers explosive diarrhea in the offender.

[Fayd]

Fayd invokes "The Thread Walk!"

Not a spell, exactly, but I say it counts!

[NakedCelt]

You trace mystic sigils in the air within vicinity of the victi...er, subjects. All within 60 feet of the magical invisible runes hanging upon the air suffer explosive diarrhea, pleading with their adventuring companions to find the nearest toilet, or suffer the wrath of a tempestuous brown storm.
Anyone close enough to the runes, at least within five feet, does not receive a Fort saving throw and must empty their bowels immediately; any other creature within 10 feet of the runs is entitled to a Will or Fort save for half effect.

The sigils may remain upon the air indefinitely, or until removed. You and any characters you designate as friendly can read the protected writing without triggering the runes. Another creature can remove them with a successful dispel magic or erase spell, but attempting to dispel or erase the runes and failing to do so triggers explosive diarrhea in the offender.

Please do not specify the game effects of explosive diarrhoea. Really, I do not want to imagine, much less hear, what they are.

[Jergmo]

Mage's Dysfunction
Enchantment [Mind-affecting]
Level: Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

The target suffers from severe social dysfunction, suffering a -3 penalty on all Charisma-related skill checks.

Irresistable Pants
Enchantment [Mind-affecting]
Level: Brd 6, Sor/Wiz 8
Components: V
Casting Time: 1 standard action.
Range: Personal
Target: Self
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

After casting this spell, the caster's pants become simply irresistable to those who view them, causing them to be fascinated for the duration of the spell.

Vocal Components: "Chances are your pants are not as fancy as the pair /
Of very fancy pants that Mr. Fancy Pants will wear!"

[almightyk]

a fun one i heard at a multi game , game(?)

"I use Bigby's crushing HAM"

[Mercenary Pen]

Bigby's interposing band.

Conjures a full marching band between you and your enemies.

[Jergmo]

Random idea after hearing Gooberry. Multiple plays on the same spell can't hurt, right?

Good Barry
Conjuration (Summoning) [Good]
Level: Clr 4
Components: V, S, XP
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: See text
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: None

This spell summons Barry the Benevolent, a Neutral Good level 6 human cleric with the Healing domain, who will proceed to buff and heal all allied creatures for the duration of the spell.

[DracoDei]

A variation could summon a bardic incarnation of Barry White playing only his best songs... useful for seduction checks.

[Debihuman]

Worse it could summon Barry Manilow!

Debby

[Jergmo]

...What about spells that have the same name, but their effects are what is confused? :smallconfused:

[Skyshot]

Malign Weapon
Transmutation

Level: Drd 2
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Weapon touched or fifty projectiles (all of which must be in contact with each other at the time of casting)
Duration: 1 min./level
Saving Throw: Will negates (object)
Spell Resistance: Yes (object)

Say something unkind about a specific weapon. That weapon takes up to a -2 penalty appropriate to the remark for the duration of the spell.


Analyze Dweamer
Divination

Level: Bard 2, Sor/Wiz 2
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: One creature
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

Instantly understand the meaning of target's dream. Interpretation will be relayed to the caster in the voice of Elmer Fudd.


Read Manic
Divination

Level: Bard 0, Sor/Wiz 0
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: You
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

As read magic, but only applies to inscriptions written by those suffering from hypergraphia.


Cause Bear
Conjuration

Level: Drd 9, Animal 9
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 round
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: See text
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: No

Summons a bear.

[Jergmo]

Cause Bear
Conjuration

Level: Drd 9, Animal 9
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 round
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: See text
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: No

Summons a bear.

Wouldn't this be Cause Beer?

[Lapak]

Cause Bear
Conjuration

Level: Drd 9, Animal 9
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 round
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: See text
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: No

Summons a bear.Alternatively, it doesn't just summon any old bear, but a bear with a cause. A bear wearing a funny hat, who is extremely devoted to forest fire prevention.

[ericgrau]

Methinks Cause Bear should be 5th level.

[Milskidasith]

Line Blank:
Abjuration [Misspelled]
Level: Librarian 8, Line 8, Protection 8, Sor/Wiz 8
Components: V, S
Casting time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One creature
Duration: 24 hours
Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

The subject is protected from all devices and spells that involve writing. This spell protects against all written text and effects caused by text as well as information gathering by reading any written article about the subject. Line blank even foils limited wish, miracle, and wish spells when they are used in such a way as to cause the subject to read or hear a reciting of any form of text or if the spell involves a written contract defining the terms of the spell. In the case of writing that deals with the subject and other people, everybody misses any reference to the subject or doesn't think they are important enough to warrant being mentioned. Attempts to write an article about that subject specifically cause severe writer's block and fail completely.

There is text; just highlight!

[DracoDei]

You left it as "Mind Blank" at one point...

[Milskidasith]

Fixed. :smallredface:

[almightyk]

Alternatively, it doesn't just summon any old bear, but a bear with a cause. A bear wearing a funny hat, who is extremely devoted to forest fire prevention.


yes, so devoted to it, he wants to stop the preventers (and yes, i know who your talking about)

EDIT: another one i heard "I write on a piece of parchment 'i prepared IMPULSIVE RUNES this morning'"

[Debihuman]

Alternatively, it doesn't just summon any old bear, but a bear with a cause. A bear wearing a funny hat, who is extremely devoted to forest fire prevention.

Cause bear could also be used to summon Paddington Bear and Winnie-the-Pooh!

I just thought of this one:

Cause Bare
Illusion (Glamer)
Level: Brd 2, Sor/Wiz 2, Trickery 2
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Personal or touch
Target: You or a creature
Duration: 1 min./level (D)
Saving throw: Will negates (harmless)
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

Any items worn or carried by the creature touched become invisible, vanishing from sight and the creature appears naked. Items dropped by the creature become visible; items picked up disappear from view. Anyone with true seeing can see the gear and items worn.

[almightyk]

@debihuman
that reminds of durkon having to do a touch spell on nale, when he was "invisible"

[Kallisti]

Frightening Bolt
Illusion [Mind-affecting, fear, misspelled)
Level: Sor/Wiz 2
Components: V,S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 120 ft.
Area: 120 ft. line
Duration: 1 round/caster level
Saving Throw: Reflex partial, will disbelief
SR: Yes
"Holy crap! That was close!"
The caster aims his splayed hand in an unnecessarily dramatic fashion and an illusory lightning bolt leaps forth from his fingers in a visually dramatic way, narrowly missing all caught in its path. Anyone caught in the line first makes a will save. Those who suceed recognize the illusion for what it is. Those who fail then make a reflex save as if the lightning bolt were not an illusion. Those who fail are frightened. Those who succeed are merely shaken.

Righteous Mice
Transmutation [Good, misspelled]
Level: Cleric 5
Components: V,S,DF
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Personal
Area: 100 ft. radius centered on caster
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)
SR: Yes (harmless)
"In the name of Ehlonna, lady of the woodlands, go, my rodent champions, and slay the evil that plagues our land!"
All rodents within the area of the spell gain the celestial template when the spell is cast.

[Skyshot]

Methinks Cause Bear should be 5th level.Well... (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ptitleeyyr8ln8spjv?from=Main.EverythingsWorseWithB ears)

Moving on!

Obscuring Mast
Conjuration (Creation)

Level: Clr 1, Drd 1, Sor/Wiz 1
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 20 ft.
Duration: 1 min./level
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

Creates a large ship's mast between you and one other creature of your choice. The creature cannot see you through the mast.


Divine Flavor

Level: Clr 1, Pal 1
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: One edible object
Duration: 1 min./level

Makes one food or drink taste really good. I mean really, really good. No, even better than that.


Clam Emotions
Divination

Level: Animal 2, Brd 2, Clr 2, Druid 2, Sor/Wiz 2
Components: V, S, DF
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Target: Clams in a 20-ft.-radius spread
Duration: Concentration, up to 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

Understand how all clams within range are feeling at the moment.


No Direction

Level: Brd 0, Drd 0
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: Instantaneous

You honestly have no earthly idea what you're doing.

[boomwolf]

Some ideas:

Stay Living (slay living)
Power Word: Grill (power word kill)
False Light (false life)
Fire Worm (fire storm)
Lame Arrow (flame arrow)
Fry (fly)
Animate Dope (animate rope)
Boarskin (barkskin)
Mess Water (bless water)
Brick (blink)
Calm Emo (calm emotions)
Snow (slow)
Maid (maze)
Mage's Word (mage's sword)
Open nose (open/close)
Rusting Grapes (rusting grasp)
Wood Tape (wood shape)

[Fayd]

I know this one isn't "misspelled" but I'm doing it anyway.

Grapes of Wrath

Summons an ancient angry elemental creature comprised entirely of grapes, which proceeds to slaughter anything with an evil alignment in it's immediate area.

Alternatively:
Epic spell: Grapes of Wrath

Summons approximately 1/4 ton/caster level of grapes above the target's head, which fall and crush him/her to death. Does not allow a reflex save. Ignores evasion and improved evasion.

[Mercenary Pen]

Just got a few more:

Frog Cloud
Haze Monster
Cone of Old
Kill Metal
Changestuff
Brain Lightning
Obscuring Fist
Animate Slope
Alters Elf
Mold Person

[nysisobli]

This one happened to me today, and my dm just rolled with it

Mordenkainen's Lubrication
Conjuration (creation)
Level: Brd 2, sor/wiz 2
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Object touched
Duration: permanent until cleaned
Saving Throw: none
Spell Resistance: No

Casting Mordenkainen's Lubrication on an object treats it as affected by the grease spell, but the subject begins to smell nice, gaining -10 hide checks, and +10 on Escape artist or grapple checks.
Material focus: A bottle of lotion

[deuxhero]

Mage's Word (Mage's Sword)
Evocation (misspelled)
Level:Brd 1, Wiz/Scr 2
Casting Time:Standard Action

Every target in range hears one word of your choosing. Every creature knows who sent the message.

[Athildur]

What an amazing thread!

I don't have a lot of time right now, but after reading through a small part of the PHB I found these ideas (with small explanations, I might do full spell descriptions when I have the time)

Magic Jar-Jar
Accidentally invoked by a stuttering wizard, summons a weird, large-eared alien that annoys anyone within a 20ft.-radius without end. Users beware, the original invoker of this spell has been unable to get rid of this nuisance. It has been several years.

Animate Bread
Brings a slice or loaf of bread to life. Extremely useful at parties, or when you're having yet another dull breakfast.

Bark, Skin!
Causes your skin to make barking noises whenever an unwanted guest or stranger comes within 30ft. of you.

Bestow Nurse
Particularly useful for the older mages of the world, summons a professional nurse to take care of the target for up to one day per caster level. The nurse may be visually appealing and tends to the target's needs, but will not do anything indecent if asked to.

Cause Tear
You cause the target to cry uncontrollably.

Crone
Rather than create a copy of yourself, it summons yourself when you'll be old and wrinkly! Works like a charm to get those damned kids off your lawn.

Colors, Yay!
Not unlike its original counterpart, summons a dazzling array of colors that makes the crowd ooh and ah with amazement. You just can't help but be enthusiastic about it!



And in the category of spells that are not misspelled, but merely misunderstood:

Chill Touch
The caster's touch puts the target in a state of extreme relaxation.

Mage Mark
Summons a stuttering level 3 human mage named Mark. He is not particularly useful, as he is extremely annoyed because he constantly keeps being summoned and secretly wishes that his parents had chosen a different name for him.
Sometimes brings his Magic Jar-Jar along if he has enough time, just to annoy the one summoning him.

[EleventhHour]

Grope of Fire

Causes 2d6 Fire damage. You don't need the details of how this occured, aside from that the Wizard in question had a bit too much to drink, and didn't live for long afterwards.

[Debihuman]

Grope of Fire is obviously a touch spell! I had an utterly tasteless spell rumbling around in my head, but unfortunately it is nowhere near "PC 13" appropriate as it is based on the spell, Floating Disk.

Debby

[nysisobli]

Grope of fire XD nice images, i may have to use Mordenkainen's Lubrication ;)

[MisterM]

Cone of Bold

Everyone caught in the cone will become more reckless and more likely to take hasty decisions.

Ray of cost

Causes a character, hit with the ray, to lose 10gp*caster level. The gp's just vanish.

[nysisobli]

Calm Danimals, your force yogurt to make a save, or be completely entranced by you.

[Random832]

Hope this thread isn't too old at 11 days...

Rary's Pneumonic Enhancer: +2 to all fort saves related to breathing, +2 rounds holding breath as per the drowning rules.

In turn misheard as...

Rary's Pneumatic Enhancer: Chosen portion of target's anatomy becomes inflated with air.

And from there...

Rary's Pneumatic Enchanter: Created inflatable dummy can cast up to third-level Sor/Wiz spells of the Enchantment school (CL5). Total 2 SLs*/level. Conjuration/Creation, but caster must not have the Enchantment school barred.

Not so much anymore on the "misheard" front, but from these the inspiration is obvious to develop spells such as Pneumatic Evoker, Pneumatic Illusionist, etc.

*i.e. a first-level spell costs one such "point", a second-level spell costs two; zero-level spells cost one half. Once these are exhausted, a hole appears and it deflates comically. The deflated dummy can be reused as a material component in a later casting of the spell.

[cha0s4a11]

Sneak with Dead

+10 to hide checks if you are carrying a corpse/skeleton
+5 to hide checks if you are carrying part of a corpse/skeleton (skull, legbone, etc.).

[Blue Ghost]

Tasha's Hideout Slaughter

The spell targets a hideout (the DM's jurisdiction on what constitutes a hideout. A dungeon can be a hideout, but a public location is not.) Every creature in the hideout takes 1d6 damage per caster level (Fortitude half).
Material Component: A scale model of the hideout (1gp per 10 square feet), which is crushed during the casting of the spell.

[Flickerdart]

Ball of Iron
Conjuration (Creation)
Level: Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Effect: See text
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

This spell summons a large sphere of solid iron. The sphere's diameter is as follows:
CL <10: 10ft (Large)
CL 10-15: 15ft (Huge)
CL 16-20: 20ft (Gargantuan)
CL 21+: 30ft (Colossal)
The caster may choose to summon a smaller sphere than the maximum size he is able. The caster chooses a direction in which the sphere will roll. The sphere moves in that direction at a speed of 60ft/round, initiating Overrun attempts against every creature it encounters, with a Strength bonus equal to half the caster level (round down). Treat the sphere as having the Improved Overrun feat. The sphere deals 3d6+CL bludgeoning damage against any opponent it successfully overruns.
A creature that successfully resists the Overrun attempt may choose a new direction for the sphere's movement.

[DracoDei]

Sneak with Dead

+10 to hide checks if you are carrying a corpse/skeleton
+5 to hide checks if you are carrying part of a corpse/skeleton (skull, legbone, etc.).

What level is this, and why doesn't it apply to move silently checks as well?


Tasha's Hideout Slaughter
(1gp per 10 square feet).
Are you sure you don't mean 10 foot square? Because it makes a difference of an order of magnitude...

[Set]

From the 9th level Sorcerer/Wizard list;

Mate This spell conjures up a being of your CR rating who is of the sex you are attracted to and kinda/sorta might do what you say, most of the time, after 1d4 rounds of 'discussion.'

Gish You gain a BAB equal to your caster level, and can *choose* to replace any or all metamagic / item creation / spell mastery feats with feats chosen from the Fighter list as if you were a Fighter of your caster level. Unlike Mage's Transformation, you retain full casting ability.

[and the 7th level version]
Lesser Gish You gain a BAB equal to your caster level -3, and automatically replace all spell mastery, item creation and metamagic feats with feats chosen from the Fighter list as if you were a Fighter of 1/2 your caster level. Unlike Mage's Transformation, you retain your spellcasting ability, but your effective caster level is reduced by 3.

Refuse This variation on Mage's Disjunction affects only non-magical items within the affected area, turning them into worthless and unusable garbage. Unattended items get no saving throw, but the entire item must fit within the area of effect. (A door, for instance, would rot and fall apart. The wall it is attached to would be unaffected, because it continues out of the spells area of effect.)

Shapes This variation on Shades creates a quasi-real transmutation effect that can duplicate any item or person affecting transmutation spell. The effect expires are the end of the spells duration, although any damage the transformed matter has suffered while transformed (but not as a result of the transformation itself) remains.

[Mercenary Pen]

Mordenkainen's Injunction:
Allows you to get a court order against high-level arcanists.

[Kcalehc]

Apologies for the lack of fleshing out, but as basic ideas:

Fowls Wisdom (T)

Grants the target the wisdom of a chicken.

Stocking Grasp (V)

Turns the casters hand into a sock puppet, with which it may attempt a touch attack for 1D2/level cotton damage.

Deaf Armour (N)

Causes the targets armour to become deaf. Stopping the wearer from activating any special abilities it may contain.

Ghostly Vintage (I)

Creates an ethereal bottle of port, wine or champagne of a vintage of the casters choosing.

See divisibility (D)

Allows the caster to see any whole number divisor of any number presented to them for 5 rounds.

Keen Hedge (T)

Summons a hedgerow 8' long by 1' thick by 4' high. This hedgerow is particularly astute.

CloudKrill

Summons a particularly large cloud of krill.

[quick_comment]

Tragic Vestment
Clr 2
You imbue a piece of clothing with tragedy. Anyone wearing them gains +5 on any Knowledge(Shakespeare) checks.

[Random832]

Not so much misheard as misinterpreted
* [Air]plane Shift.
* Melf's LSD Arrow.
* Horrible [fashion] Taste
* Drawmij's Instant Summons. Drawmij had a lesser-known second career as a process server

And misread
* Wall of the Banshee
* Globe of Invincibility (creates a three-dimensional map of the world sharing some characteristics with a certain Armoire)
* righteous wraith of the faithful

Transpositions
* Imbue spell with familiar ability.
* Melf's Meteoric Minutes - fifteen minutes of fame
* Movement of Freedom
* Faith of the Handful
* Hellish Host / Heavenly Horde
* Transmute mud to mud / Transmute rock to rock

[T.G. Oskar]

Tragic Vestment
Clr 2
You imbue a piece of clothing with tragedy. Anyone wearing them gains +5 on any Knowledge(Shakespeare) Perform (tragedy) checks.

Fixed. Because not every dramatist makes comedy; tragedy is valuable too.

Plus...it kinda makes more sense, in the lack of it.

[Myou]

Crowd Kill

Disperses swarms.


Rhyme Stop

Prevents rhyming for 1d4+1 rounds.


Dispel Tragic

Gives everyone a happy ending.


Imprismment

Traps the target in a prism.


Shapechance

Allows the caster to change the shape of his dice.


Etheralmess

Travel to messy part of the Etherial plane.


Astral Projection

Astral appears before you to give helpful advice and look cute.


Fish

Creates 25,000 gp of fish.


Limited Fish

Creates fewer fish.


Wired

Lets you hear everything the subject hears.


Soul Blind

Summons Ray Charles.


Energy Dream

The subject falls asleep and has a dream about getting level drained and dying.


Wall of the Banshee

Conjures a thick wall that blocks Wail of the Banshee.


hades

Sends the target to Hell.


Meteor Smarm

Meteors deal 6d6 sleaze damage.


Crushing Band

Kills 1 marching band/level.


Power Word Bill

Summons a yellow-clad female assassin with a katana to kill the target.


Hold Monster Mass

Gathers monsters in prayer.


Dominant Monster

A monster tells you what to do.


Foursight

Makes the target require glasses.


Teleportation Circlet

Conjures a circlet that lets you cast Teleport at will.


Summon Monster MIX

Summons monster-themed candy.


Refuse

Alters item to transport its posessor to the nearest tip.


Late

Makes everyone around you late for appointments.


Prismatic Beer

As prismatic wall, but contained in a mug as liquid.


Sage's Disjunction

Dispels sage.


Freedome

Conjures a stone dome atop the nearest roof.

[Random832]

Dish: Creates one plate/bowl/etc of any material, such as fine china or sturdy ceramic stoneware.

Limited Dish: Creates one plate/bowl/etc of paper, plastic, or Corelle®.

Magic Missive: As sending, but no word limit.

Rages' Disjunction: Immediately end any rage or frenzy of any character within a 40' radius, and remove all of such characters' remaining rage or frenzy uses per day.

Pages' Disjunction: All pages of books within a 40' radius are turned into their components (ink and woodpulp, papyrus pulp, parchment, or vellum.) Covers are left intact to be returned to the publisher. Caution: Not to be used by or within a 40' radius of any assistant of a Knight or Congressperson.

Cages' Disjunction: I think you see where I'm going with this. For clarity, this also works on forcecage and Xykon's moderately escapable forcecage, and on cardboard boxes with bars in the windows (but not without).

Wages' Disjunction: :smallyuk: we're done here.

Age's Disjunction: :smallfurious: I SAID we're done.

Summon Monster ID: this is a 499th-level spell, so you probably can't cast it, so you don't need to know :mitd:

[Debihuman]

Animal Cracker Shapes
Transmutation
Level: Animal 7, Drd 8
Components: V, DF
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. +5 ft/2 levels)
Target: One creature per level
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving throw: Yes (Will negates)
Spell Resistance: Yes

You transform one creature per caster level into an animal cracker of your choice. The maximum HD of an assumed form is equal to the subject’s HD or your caster level, whichever is lower, to a maximum of 20 HD at 20th level.

The verbal component is that the caster must sing Animal Crackers In My Soup Lyrics/Music T. Koehler & I. Caesar/R. Henderson.

[T.G. Oskar]

Rages' Disjunction: Immediately end any rage or frenzy of any character within a 40' radius, and remove all of such characters' remaining rage or frenzy uses per day.

Pages' Disjunction: All pages of books within a 40' radius are turned into their components (ink and woodpulp, papyrus pulp, parchment, or vellum.) Covers are left intact to be returned to the publisher. Caution: Not to be used by or within a 40' radius of any assistant of a Knight or Congressperson.

Cages' Disjunction: I think you see where I'm going with this. For clarity, this also works on forcecage and Xykon's moderately escapable forcecage, and on cardboard boxes with bars in the windows (but not without).

Wages' Disjunction: :smallyuk: we're done here.

Age's Disjunction: :smallfurious: I SAID we're done.

Umm...Sage's Disjunction?

Sage's Disjunction
Transmutation (Death, Misheard)
Level: Bard 6, Sor/Wiz 9
Components: V, Truename
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./level)
Target: One intelligent creature of Int 12 or higher/level
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will partial (object)
Spell Resistance: No

All intelligent creatures with an Intelligence score of 12 or higher have their brains or thought processes disjoined into their base components. Starting with the creature with the highest Int score, each creature must succeed on a Will save or die instantly, as its brain is dissolved completely and the base components bleed from the ears. A successful Will save causes the creature to be only partially affected by the spell, receiving damage equal to 1d6 per point of Intelligence modifier. This spell can affect intelligent creatures without brains; in that case, the equivalent thought-processing organ, glyph, or object is disjoined instead. The caster is not immune to the effect of the spell; it must make a save or die instantly. The caster's allies are not immune to the effect, as well. Mind Blank and immunity to mind-affecting effects does not protect against this spell. This spell is not language dependant.

Truename Component: The caster must succeed on a Truename check equal to its own Intelligence score + 10, as it attempts to make a joke so bad, it insults intelligence.

[Myou]

Dimensional Dock

Blocks dimensional travel for boats.


Mind Bank

Stores 1 mind/level.


Prisonattic Wall

Conjures a wall from the top floor of a prison.


Protection from Bells

Confers +8 resistance bonus to cheap whiskey.


Incendiary Clown

Conjures a clown suicide bomber.


Summon Monster VIllain

Summons the BBEG. He may be pissed.


Trap the Sole

Sticks the bottom of the target's shoe to the floor.


Discerning Location

Poorly dressed creatures cannot enter touched building.


Moment of Preshool-Science

A Magic Mouth appears and gives a short explanation of a requested scientific concept, aimed at children so that even the fighter can understand.


Irresistable Dunce

Target's int and wis drop to 3, and his cha rises to 30.


Power Word Fun

Creature with 150HP or less has a good time.


Symbol of Inanity

Triggered rune renders nearby creatures annoyingly puerile.

[Random832]

Honorable mention, these being feats (but all are Wizard feats, anyway - well, one's a Bard feat) rather than spells

Scribe Skrull

Indivisible Spell

Sub-duel Substitution

Scared Spell

This guy's Spell

[Roderick_BR]

Rary's Pneumatic Enhancer: Chosen portion of target's anatomy becomes inflated with air.

And from there...

That's how breast size enhancement cllinics were created.



Rary's Pneumatic Enchanter: Created inflatable dummy can cast up to third-level Sor/Wiz spells of the Enchantment school (CL5). Total 2 SLs*/level. Conjuration/Creation, but caster must not have the Enchantment school barred.

http://bp2.blogger.com/_-AQO8Z_LX9Y/R37QW9CvioI/AAAAAAAAAGI/8Z0bhU4H9U0/s400/bonecoposto_reduced.jpg I cast magic missile Charm Person.

[Androgeus]

Prismatic Sphere Pier
Abjuration(Misheard)
Level: Protection 9, Sor/Wiz 9, Sun 9
Components: V
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./level)
Effect: Pier 4 ft./level long, 2 ft./level wide
Duration: 10 min./level (D)
Saving Throw: See Text
Spell Resistance: See Text

This spell functions like prismatic wall, except you conjure up an immobile, opaque pier. The pier flashes in all colors of the visible spectrum.

The colors of the pier have the same effects as the colors of a prismatic wall.

Prismatic pier can be made permanent with a permanency spell.

Change Staff
Transmutation
Level: Office 6
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Your touched staff
Duration: 1 hour/level (D)
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

You change a member of your staff in to a hard working employee.


oh and can't forget Bards and Wards, Nice Storm, Clean Edge & Mail of the Banshee (affects one creature within range of your chosen postal service)

[Random832]

How about Bards and Zords?
http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z57/narses101/megazord.jpg

Protection from normal missives - allows you to ignore any letter that is sent through the postal service rather than via a courier.

Prismatic Gear - All of your equipment flashes in all colors of the visible spectrum.

Remove Purse - wands of this one are popular with thieves.

Legend of Lore - you learn a story about an evil construct from a strange world. It probably has no relevance to your life.

Cure Wight Wounds - immediately reverse all damage and energy drain caused by Wights.

Mage's Spork

Bear's Grace / Cat's Strength / Bull's Cunning / Fox's Splendor / Owl's Endurance

[Eldan]

Not technically a spell, but it really happened:

Flavoured Soul

The target's soul becomes incredibly tasty. Any creature dealing damage to one of the creature's mental ability scores or draining or damaging it's levels must immediately make a will save or be overwhelmed by the taste and stunned for 1 round/level. If a creature also gains a bonus from doing this, such as healing hit points, it has a -4 to it's save. If it actually devours the creature's soul, so that it can't be resurrected (i.e. Barghest), the stun effect is permanent and only removed by a break enchantment spell, wish, or remove curse.

[DracoDei]

They should get a moral bonus to hit the creature in future perhaps...
Perhaps a note encouraging GMs to have them favor to attack that creature again. You could take further and make it a Will save to avoid attacking them, but that might be a bit much.

[Ubergeek]

Magic Gristle (Magic Missile)
Power Word Grill (Power Word Kill)
Slay Lemming (Slay Living)
Binge-full Gays of God (Vengeful Gaze of God)

Not touching the last one. Sorry.

[Yora]

Make Hole.