World Leader Swordfight

[Zocelot]

The premise is simple: world leaders have decided that there is too much conflict going on and so only one person can rule the earth. They decide that the best way to resolve who this ruler is is by having a tournament of 1 vs. 1 swordfights. These fights are to the death, and the only weapons allowed are swords. Who would do the best and why would they?

For example, I could say that Stephen Harper (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_harper), the Prime Minister of Canada would win because of the protection granted to him by his thick sweater vest (http://vancouverbydesign.blogspot.com/2008/09/menswear-war-how-harper-and-dion-use.html)

[lord of kobolds]

Kurmanbek Bakiyev (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurmanbek_Bakiyev), of Kyrgyzstan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyrgyzstan).


Why? Because he's a ninja. Think about it. Have you ever seen him before? No. Because he's a ninja.

[TheBST]

That's cool, until one leader starts saying the other leaders got bigger swords.

Then one leader stabs another while they're not looking and blames it on 'uncontrollable rebel forces', and then one leader smuggles a gun into the fight. Then the leaders have to let the UN inspect their sword cabinets and then there'll a big debate on whether concealed 'back-up daggers' violate some arms treaty or other. And then one leader's sword will fly out their hand and into the crowd, and some spectator will start a coup d'etat by stealing a leader's sword and declaring a People's Republic of Sharpthingstopia and before you know it the victors will be diving the loser's corpses into different 'territories' only they won't be able to do because they have no swords on account of a unilateral naval sanction on blacksmiths!

[Lupy]

Well, Obama's in pretty good shape, as far as American Presidents go he'd probably be one of the best.

It'd all be fine 'til someone hired a look-a-like with mad skills to take their place and suddenly we all live in Moldovia.

[Shraik]

Well, I would vote Ted Nugent(Who is a world leader in my book), Vladmir Puten, or Berlosconi, the Prime Minister of Italy who is a wee bit nuts.

[Eldan]

Haha, we, in Switzerland, have not one leader, but seven. Which, by the law, have to agree on all official decisions.
Therefore, they would team up and defeat all opposition. Because a team of seven people can't fail. :smallbiggrin:

[raitalin]

Putin's ex-freaking-KGB, so I'd put money down on him.

EDIT: Wouldn't Switzerland, as always, not show up though? They can hold the bets.

[Eldan]

Actually, the neutrality thing is less than a hundred years old. I suggest we go medieval and become the world's most feared and expensive mercenaries again.

[Lupy]

Actually, the neutrality thing is less than a hundred years old. I suggest we go medieval and become the world's most feared and expensive mercenaries again.

And you'd be able to hold all our money hostage to keep big powerful countries from attacking you 'til you had nukes and Chuck Norris.

[Blue the Thief]

Does said world leader have to be alive? Because if not, I'm going with Mr. Andrew Jackson or "Old Hickory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Jackson)

But if they have to be alive, then I'm going with Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, because it would be funny seeing him trying to swordfight someone:tongue:

[Rutskarn]

I'm also gonna go with Rudd.

[Erts]

Hmmmm....

If it includes past leaders, I'm going with UK, or Mongolia.

William the Conqueror and Ghenghis Khan.

[Berserk Monk]

Vladamir Puttin: he knows karate, and he's Russian (only the most hardcore survive in that environment).

[OverdrivePrime]

Putin is pretty badass, but he's getting on in years, and Obama has both reach and pretty good agility. Then again, there's not a lot of martial arts battle going down in the Harvard Law Review offices.

I vote Tarja Halonen, President of Finland. Not only would most of the heads of state be reluctant to attack a woman (and would be subsequently slain by Mary McAleese - seriously, don't mess with Irish women), but Ms. Halonen looks suspiciously like Conan O'Brian... and therefore she cannot be stopped!

[Icewalker]

...Teddy Roosevelt.

He was shot, just before giving a speech on the campaign trail. Here are a few select portions:

"Friends, I shall ask you to be as quiet as possible. I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose. But fortunately I had my manuscript, so you see I was going to make a long speech, and there is a bullet - there is where the bullet went through - and it probably saved me from it going into my heart. The bullet is in me now, so that I cannot make a very long speech, but I will try my best.

And now, friends, I want to take advantage of this incident to say a word of solemn warning to my fellow countrymen. First of all, I want to say this about myself: I have altogether too important things to think of to feel any concern over my own death; and now I cannot speak to you insincerely within five minutes of being shot. I am telling you the literal truth when I say that my concern is for many other things. It is not in the least for my own life. I want you to understand that I am ahead of the game, anyway. No man has had a happier life than I have led; a happier life in every way. I have been able to do certain things that I greatly wished to do, and I am interested in doing other things. I can tell you with absolute truthfulness that I am very much uninterested in whether I am shot or not. It was just as when I was colonel of my regiment. I always felt that a private was to be excused for feeling at times some pangs of anxiety about his personal safety, but I cannot understand a man fit to be a colonel who can pay any heed to his personal safety when he is occupied as he ought to be with the absorbing desire to do his duty.

...



Now, friends, I am not speaking for myself at all, I give you my word, I do not care a rap about being shot; not a rap.

I have had a good many experiences in my time and this is one of them. What I care for is my country.

...

Now, friends, it ought not to be too much to ask that our opponents -[speaking to some one on the stage]-I am not sick at all. I am all right. I cannot tell you of what infinitesimal importance I regard this incident as compared with the great issues at stake in this campaign, and I ask it not for my sake, not the least in the world, but for the sake of common country, that they make up their minds to speak only the truth, and not use that kind of slander and mendacity which if taken seriously must incite weak and violent natures to crimes of violence. Don't you make any mistake. Don't you pity me. I am all right. I am all right and you cannot escape listening to the speech either.

And now, friends, this incident that has just occurred - this effort to assassinate me- emphasizes to a peculiar degree the need of the Progressive movement..."

...

(At this point a renewed effort was made to persuade Mr. Roosevelt to conclude his speech.)

"My friends are a little more nervous than I am. Don't you waste any sympathy on me. I have had an A-1 time in life and I am having it now..."



The speech continues for some time. I cut out a number of sections which included his more standard speaking on the issues. You can find the full speech here (http://www.theodoreroosevelt.org/research/speech%20kill%20moose.htm).

[chiasaur11]

In the end, it'd come down to Abraham Lincoln and King Arthur.

What?
Both'd come back in the hour of their nation's sorest need, and Abe Lincoln can beat nearly anyone in a fight.

[Blue the Thief]

In the end, it'd come down to Abraham Lincoln and King Arthur.

What?
Both'd come back in the hour of their nation's sorest need, and Abe Lincoln can beat nearly anyone in a fight.

Plus, Abraham Lincoln is a Sorcerer :smalltongue:

[chiasaur11]

Plus, Abraham Lincoln is a Sorcerer :smalltongue:

Abe Lincoln is whatever he wants to be, including a cyborg with an undisintigration watch who teams up with Barry Allen...

IN THE FUTURE!

[Flame of Anor]

Actually, the neutrality thing is less than a hundred years old. I suggest we go medieval and become the world's most feared and expensive mercenaries again.

Hey, you're sort of like FAQ in Erf, except people know where you are and you have a bigger army.

[Ninja Chocobo]

I'm also gonna go with Rudd.

He'd smug them to death!

[The Mentalist]

The pope...

"I smite thee." And it actually happens.

[bosssmiley]

Gordon "the Ruiner" Brown, unelected PM of the UK. His accursed touch destroys all that he puts his hand to. Foreign leaders flee in fear of his taint. :smallwink:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_h7CJteTPowo/SWRKKnTwZdI/AAAAAAAAINI/-P7E5xDMZdw/s400/james+gordon+brown+cyclops.jpg

[UnChosenOne]

I would say that it's either Pope or Putin that would win this fight. Some of you may ask why but you will understand after you have seen next two pictures: Putinhttp://images.uncyc.org/commons/4/45/Putin_unplugged.jpgAs we all know Putin is a cyborg Pope
http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/7/77/Lightsaberpope.jpgAnd Pope owns a lightsaber

[Eldan]

That looks more like a light-polearm. A spear, perhaps. Or given the swiss guard, a laser halberd.

[afroakuma]

Haha, we, in Switzerland, have not one leader, but seven. Which, by the law, have to agree on all official decisions.
Therefore, they would team up and defeat all opposition. Because a team of seven people can't fail. :smallbiggrin:

The Seven Samurai? Swiss Army Katanas?

*is amused*

Well, Obama's probably got Harper beat; he's definitely in better shape. The sweater vest and the slick oily look to him will give the U.S. President some trouble. :smalltongue:

Meanwhile Kim Jong-Il will stand in the middle, avoided by everyone, holding no weapon but screaming about how he has a new sword that's better than everyone else's and occasionally dropping something cut on the ground for emphasis. :smallbiggrin:

[Dr. Bath]

Vladamir Puttin: he knows karate, and he's Russian (only the most hardcore survive in that environment).

Putin does Judo. He has his own video series called Judo with Putin (or something).

[Ashen Lilies]

I am appalled that no one has mentioned Dear Leader KIM JONG-IL, Supreme Leader of the great nation of NORTH KOREA. :smallannoyed:


Edit: Damn you Afro-ninja. Damn you. :smallannoyed::smalltongue:

[afroakuma]

Meanwhile Kim Jong-Il will stand in the middle, avoided by everyone, holding no weapon but screaming about how he has a new sword that's better than everyone else's and occasionally dropping something cut on the ground for emphasis. :smallbiggrin:

WHAT? I just did.

[Bouregard]

I would say putin. We germans are screwed with Miss Merkel :smallbiggrin:

[Bonecrusher Doc]

While I would have to go with Putin for the win, I would like to see Yulia Tymoshenko versus Nicolas Sarkozy. Tymoshenko looks like some sort of superheroine in disguise, and I would love to hear Sarkozy snarling at his opponent.

[Da King]

Former Canadian PM Jean Chrétien (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Chr%C3%A9tien) would win, provided he assumes that all the other world leaders are Bill Clennett.