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GreatWyrmGold
2009-06-10, 08:33 PM
I was inspired by someone posting a "letter" asking for help on the "why do people think monks are weak?" forum.

So, I open the floor to all "letter-form" posts asking GreatWyrmGold's help with semi-optimising. I only can help with 3.5 D&D. I specialize in VoP and monks (and druids and barbarians, to a lesser extent).

Disclaimer: GreatWyrmGold is not responsible for damage, death, or other impairment caused by following advice of his.

Devils_Advocate
2009-06-10, 10:00 PM
Dear GreatWyrmGold,

I have something of a confession to make: I really like participating in discussions about D&D's alignment system. I like debating alignment.

Is that normal? It seems like a lot of people must like it, since so many people do it so much. And yet a lot of them seem to try to come off as though they're sick of it all.

Are they just denying their true feelings, or am I a freak? Is there something wrong with me?

Sincerely,

Devils_Advocate

GreatWyrmGold
2009-06-11, 07:42 AM
Dear GreatWyrmGold,

I have something of a confession to make: I really like participating in discussions about D&D's alignment system. I like debating alignment.

Is that normal? It seems like a lot of people must like it, since so many people do it so much. And yet a lot of them seem to try to come off as though they're sick of it all.

Are they just denying their true feelings, or am I a freak? Is there something wrong with me?

Sincerely,

Devils_Advocate

Dear Devils_Advocate:

No, it's normal to want to debste. If you have different ideas than others, and if you hold those ideas strongly, you'll want to debate. In fact, others may agree with you if you explain enough.

Doc Roc
2009-06-11, 07:50 AM
debste

Dear GWG,
This is completely honest.
I collect typos and turn them into place names or items in one of my settings. May I have this one?

Omnomnom,
Jake

Grady
2009-06-11, 07:56 AM
Dear GWG,
This is completely honest.
I collect typos and turn them into place names or items in one of my settings. May I have this one?

Omnomnom,
Jake

Dear Tidesinger,

Why even ask him? It's not like he'll ever know if you use it.

Sincerely,
Grady

Kaiyanwang
2009-06-11, 08:05 AM
Dear GreatWyrmGold...

I cannot avoid of being involved in 3.5/4th edition flamewar.

I try to resist to this, but after a while I jump into the thread with an Hellfire Warlock // Pyrokineticist behaviour.

Can you help me?


@ Tidesinger: Ai op tis culd elp iu in iour cemeping setting end uorld bilding*


*this is the english of the average italian, anyway..

Saph
2009-06-11, 08:05 AM
Dear GreatWyrm Gold,

I have a problem with the 3.5 rules I'd like help with. Are half-orcs humans with some orc blood, or orcs with some human blood?

You see, my character's a cleric of Zarus, and it's part of Zarus' dogma that children of Gruumsh are inferior to humans. However, my boyfriend's a half-orc who thinks Gruumsh is kind of cool, so I'm trying to figure out whether I ought to be trying to convert him, or casting Hold Person and then pulling out the executioner's axe and . . . well, you know. Also, my roommate's started flirting with him, and she's a CE cleric of Lolth. I used to think she was just interested in 'converting' me, if you know what I mean, but since he moved in she's stopped paying me any attention, and for some reason I'm finding it really annoying.

I kind of need to sort it out before Saturday, because my uncle's coming for dinner, and he's a paladin. What do you think I should do? Thanks and please write back soon.

Sincerely
Relena Scything

Pronounceable
2009-06-11, 08:28 AM
Dear Saph,

Half orcs are, sadly, both human and orc at the same time. The best way to concile the differences between your faith and race of your boyfriend is Polymorph. It might even spice up your love life. Alternately you could try reanimating him so he does not count as orcish anymore but that should be saved as a last resort to save the relationship.

As for your roommate, there's a whole school of magic for that: Enchantment.

Just remember to keep her away from your uncle if he's trigger happy, and everything should go fine. And do not, under any circumstances, try to "fix" your uncle with magic. Even if he fails his saves, it'll cause trouble with the rest of your family.

Sincerely,
Me

woodenbandman
2009-06-11, 10:19 AM
Dear GWG,
This is completely honest.
I collect typos and turn them into place names or items in one of my settings. May I have this one?

Omnomnom,
Jake

That's actually a really good idea.

Malicte
2009-06-11, 10:27 AM
Win.

This made my day.

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-11, 10:39 AM
I was inspired by someone posting a "letter" asking for help on the "why do people think monks are weak?" forum.

So, I open the floor to all "letter-form" posts asking GreatWyrmGold's help with homebrewing. I only can help with 3.5 D&D. I specialize in VoP and monks (and druids and barbarians, to a lesser extent).

Disclaimer: GreatWyrmGold is not responsible for damage, death, or other impairment caused by following advice of his.

Dear GreatWyrmGold,

Why is this thread not in Homebrew?

Sincerely,
Quartermain

Fishy
2009-06-11, 10:46 AM
Dear GreatWyrmGold,

I, like every other DM, am the most brilliant author ever and have come up with a plot that is genius in its intricate complexities.

How do I stifle the urge to staple my players to their chairs and have my villains talk to the PCs for hours on end?

Devils_Advocate
2009-06-11, 02:45 PM
Dear Relena Scything,

A half-orc is both a human with orc blood and an orc with human blood, or alternately neither. However, orc blood runs a bit stronger than human blood -- erm, I mean human blood is defined by its purity, oh devotee of Zarus -- so your boyfriend would count as an orc for most purposes.

It can be hard for the supporters of an evil racist matriarchy, an evil racist patriarchy, and an evil racist movement to set aside their differences and all work together -- especially when they're all different races! Nevertheless, you should all be able to cooperate and still remain true to your beliefs so long each of you plans to betray the others in the long run. Many evil adventuring parties hang together on this basis.

I suggest that you and your friends try pretending to be some nice followers of Ehlonna when your uncle comes around. In all likelihood, the series of wacky hijinks this precipitates will teach the three of you an important lesson on the value of teamwork and strengthen your mutual bond.

Sincerely,

Devils_Advocate

GreatWyrmGold
2009-06-11, 03:53 PM
Dear Kaiyanwang,
If you feel a certain way, express it! See my previous advice to Devils_Advocate.


Dear Saph,
It depends on who you ask. A half-orc might think of himself as a half-human orc because he admires orcs' strength, or he might think of himself as a half-orc human because he admires human inteligence. Others think of them as one or another because of his biases, how accepting he is, and because of previous experiences with that particular half-breed. Be yourself*, and you will be accepted!
*Unless "being yourself" requires felonies, vandalism, etc.

Dear cnsvnc and Devils_Advocate,
If you want to give advice, start your own thread. If you don't, prepare for a great wyrm gold dragon who is NOT me to rase your houses.

Dear Pharoh's Fist,
Why would it be?
No secret message here!


Dear Fishy,
Try having a lich paralyse their characters. Unless the cleric prepared a silenced, stilled remove paralysis, you're gold!


Dear everyone,
Please, I am fine with optimising-ey questions. Please?

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 03:57 PM
Dear Relena Scything,

A half-orc is both a human with orc blood and an orc with human blood, or alternately neither. However, orc blood runs a bit stronger than human blood -- erm, I mean human blood is defined by its purity, oh devotee of Zarus -- so your boyfriend would count as an orc for most purposes.

It can be hard for the supporters of an evil racist matriarchy, an evil racist patriarchy, and an evil racist movement to set aside their differences and all work together -- especially when they're all different races! Nevertheless, you should all be able to cooperate and still remain true to your beliefs so long each of you plans to betray the others in the long run. Many evil adventuring parties hang together on this basis.

I suggest that you and your friends try pretending to be some nice followers of Ehlonna when your uncle comes around. In all likelihood, the series of wacky hijinks this precipitates will teach the three of you an important lesson on the value of teamwork and strengthen your mutual bond.

Sincerely,

Devils_Advocate

Dear Relena Scything,

Your concern for your boyfriend is touching, and my partner offers good advice, but the real problem stems from your uncle's arrival. Remember...no matter the cost, evil must unite if it is to triumph over good. As a champion of all that is holy, your uncle will most likely, during dinner, pick up a steak knife, scream something about smiting the unholy, and charge you from across the table. This sort of activity is not conducive to a healthy familial relationship.

So use this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your boyfriend. Do something fun together, like destroying a champion of good and then have a wonderful picnic. As an added bonus, if your boyfriend would rather feast on his vanquished foe's warm flesh than on your stunningly made sandwiches, he's obviously to much of an orc for you. If not, I see no reason to drop him.

And remember...it's only a few levels until Lesser Geas. Nothing guarantees devotion and eventual conversion like the threat of a terrible curse. If you have to, show him how evil you can be. He'll only love you more for it.

-The Djinn

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-11, 03:58 PM
Dear GreatWyrmGold,

Firstly, there is a subforum named Homebrew specifically for... homebrewing, so if you want to homebrew, you should probably homebrew it there. Just saying.

GreatWyrmGold
2009-06-11, 04:01 PM
Dear Djin_in_Tonic,
Please note my advice to Devils_Advocate and cnsvnc.


Dear Pharoh's Fist,
You lost me. I am helping, not homebrewing, I am helping. Just because they both start with "h"'s doesn't mean they're the same.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 04:02 PM
Dear Djin_in_Tonic,
Please note my advice to Devils_Advocate and cnsvnc.

My apologies. I did miss that request. It will not happen again.

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-11, 04:02 PM
So, I open the floor to all "letter-form" posts asking GreatWyrmGold's help with homebrewing. I only can help with 3.5 D&D. I specialize in VoP and monks (and druids and barbarians, to a lesser extent).
Just saying, is all.

toddex
2009-06-11, 04:04 PM
Shouldnt this be in the homebrew section?

GreatWyrmGold
2009-06-11, 04:06 PM
Just saying, is all.

Whoops, my bad, will fix.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 04:10 PM
Whoops, my bad, will fix.

Also, from a more helpful standpoint, I think the reason you've been getting so many joke posts is that you've made it seem like...well...a dear Abby column. I'd recommend a thread title change that more adequately explains what you're trying to do here.

GreatWyrmGold
2009-06-11, 04:30 PM
Also, from a more helpful standpoint, I think the reason you've been getting so many joke posts is that you've made it seem like...well...a dear Abby column. I'd recommend a thread title change that more adequately explains what you're trying to do here.

That's why he called me "GreatWyrmAbby"...

Quietus
2009-06-11, 04:33 PM
Also, from a more helpful standpoint, I think the reason you've been getting so many joke posts is that you've made it seem like...well...a dear Abby column. I'd recommend a thread title change that more adequately explains what you're trying to do here.

Or leave it as is, as this is rather entertaining.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 04:35 PM
Or leave it as is, as this is rather entertaining.

Actually, I plan to start this exact concept in a separate thread.

Keld Denar
2009-06-11, 04:37 PM
Or leave it as is, as this is rather entertaining.

I agree. Especially Saph's post and the various replies to it.

Nothing like destroying a champion of good and then having a picnic to strengthen your relationship!

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 04:38 PM
Due to a rather hilarious mishap in a recent thread by GreatWyrmGold, I realized that it would be quite entertaining to have...well...a Dear Abby thread for players and adventurer's. Whether you want some actual advice regarding dealing with problem players or a potential build, or you just want to have some fun posting as a character or monster, I'm here to answer your questions.

And I'm looking for assistance. Kindly don't answer randomly, as I'd prefer a single answer per question (who knows...maybe I'll allow it later). Instead, if you're interested in joining the...um...advice team, drop me a PM containing a response to a question raised. :smallbiggrin:

And so, without further ado...

Let's see what's in the mail!

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 04:39 PM
I agree. Especially Saph's post and the various replies to it.

Nothing like destroying a champion of good and then having a picnic to strengthen your relationship!

Well, here's a thread for it. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=114529)

Now let's let GreatWyrmGold set this thread back on track. :smallbiggrin:

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-11, 04:41 PM
Dear Djinn,

You have been pre-approved for a credit card! Offer only valid until 01/11/09!

ImmortalAer
2009-06-11, 04:41 PM
Dear Djinn,

I'm a bit afraid of my character's free-views being in conflict with my upcoming party's. She's a bit more free spirited than most of them seem to be, and isn't exactly optimized for combat. How do you fit into a group, when nothing that you have goes properly with the dynamic?

And you also owe me some replies in my own thread instead of derailing the recruitment one.

:smallwink:

~IA

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 04:42 PM
Dear Djinn,

You have been pre-approved for a credit card! Offer only valid until 01/11/09!

Oops.

*shreds document*

Let's rephrase, shall we? To keep this from descending into complete chaos? So let's just see what questions people have instead. :smallbiggrin:

Keld Denar
2009-06-11, 04:45 PM
Dear Djinn,

I'm an obsessive optimizer. It makes me die a little inside when people take odd levels of fighter, or when they lose caster levels without a really good reason. Every time someone posts a character build, I try my hardest to help them within the constraints of their post, but sometimes I just want to yell at them and shake them until they see that their entire build is beyond optimization and their best option is a wastebin and a fresh sheet of paper. How do I control my rage?

Wrathful in Washington

PS, how do you cure the world from the violating the Stormwind Falacy? YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT KNOW HES NOT A PALADIN!

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 04:49 PM
Dear Djinn,

I'm a bit afraid of my character's free-views being in conflict with my upcoming party's. She's a bit more free spirited than most of them seem to be, and isn't exactly optimized for combat. How do you fit into a group, when nothing that you have goes properly with the dynamic?

And you also owe me some replies in my own thread instead of derailing the recruitment one.

:smallwink:

~IA

Dear IA:

Indeed, this can be one of the hardest situations for a budding character. You don't know your party's personalities, habits, routines, or even whether or not they've got matching sheets. For all you know you could wake up to see pink and chartreuse bedrolls for the next several adventures!

Still, remain strong. Most adventuring parties eventually adjust to a wide variety of members. I've even heard of a party of species-ist Paladins accepting a converted Bugbear! You may never truly fit in, but remember; sometimes a group dynamic is improved by having a character who doesn't run parallel to the others in outlook.

Regarding combat, remember that there are others around to do that for you. Not all of life is swinging a sword or throwing a fireball, and I'm sure you have other skills to add to the mix in, for example, social situations or puzzle dilemmas. And if you really do have no strengths, try to cultivate an interesting personality: many adventuring groups would rather have a sub-par character who is interesting and fun to be around than a mindless killing machine with no social skills to speak of.

So invite them all over some time, and see how it goes. I'm sure you'll all get along splendidly in due time.

-The Djinn

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 05:03 PM
Dear Djinn,

I'm an obsessive optimizer. It makes me die a little inside when people take odd levels of fighter, or when they lose caster levels without a really good reason. Every time someone posts a character build, I try my hardest to help them within the constraints of their post, but sometimes I just want to yell at them and shake them until they see that their entire build is beyond optimization and their best option is a wastebin and a fresh sheet of paper. How do I control my rage?

Wrathful in Washington

PS, how do you cure the world from the violating the Stormwind Falacy? YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT KNOW HES NOT A PALADIN!

Dear Wrathful:

This is a common situation among many hardcore gamers, and a difficult habit to break. But luckily I myself am a recovering optimizer, and I have a very good method to break you of this habit.

Firstly, it is important to realize that you'll never truly escape your wrath. Instead, reserve it for people who ask for optimization advice. Rather than berate a helpless player for his sub-optimal build that he's very proud of, find the one asking "How can I optimize a level 15 Human Barbarian." The first will cringe at your onslaught, the second will appreciate it, so long as you don't go to far.

Now that you've realized this, it's time to focus on a different aspect that can help quell the desire for optimization; roleplaying. Try playing one of your usual games (or seek out some free-form opportunities) with underpowered characters. If you're a good roleplayer, this should be able to be as much fun as playing with a fully optimized character. If you aren't yet a good roleplayer, it can be some good experience, as, since you can't contribute as much, it forces you to focus more on your roleplaying. Then, when you see a character who has made power sacrifices for some perceived character flavor, you can realize the choices that have been made and accept that others may not choose to play the strongest character around. You'll also have some experience being overshadowed by stronger character, and may, through this, learn that having the strongest character often makes the game less fun for weaker characters who can't roleplay as well as they'd like to.

Incidentally, this doesn't violate the Stormwind Fallacy. It just shows that you can roleplay either a strong character or a weak character effectively, and that both are perfectly valid options. Some concepts require strength, others do not. Unfortunately, this is a hard thing to get many people to understand. Remember the following: D&D exists in a fantasy world. In such a setting there are normal, flawed characters, and the occasional invincible hero. Just because there is no mechanical weakness doesn't mean the character is not viable. Take Achilles, for example. Flawed? Certainly...but in an aspect of his character that comes from roleplaying, not mechanics. Everyone has their faults, but some faults (many, in fact) have no bearing on mechanics at all. People just need to realize that mechanical perfection doesn't mean an inhuman character.

Unless, of course, said character isn't human.

-The Djinn

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 05:08 PM
^^Just so you know, if this isn't the sort of thing GreatWyrmGold wants to answer, I think I may have some good suggestions if you care to PM me or drop by my...rather light-hearted thread mentioned earlier.

ChaosDefender24
2009-06-11, 05:10 PM
Dear GreatWyrmGold,



I have a problem with a powergamer who recently started attending my D&D sessions, on my team.

We're a level five party, and I'm playing the cleric. My friends are playing an evoker and a barbarian. It's a great vibe, the barbarian's excited because he's about to take heavy armor proficiency at 6th level, and the wizard can't even miss with his wand of magic missile. I have a lot of fun, because I spend all my spell slots healing the party during the fight whenever someone takes damage. It's a relief, because we don't have to drink the potions of cure serious wounds we bought until late in the session.

Anyway, so another guy was playing a monk, and due to struggles in his personal life he had to leave the group. So, we sent out for this new player, and he comes in with a kobold wizard. At first, we're all laughing, because you know, it's a kobold. But then he says it's "dragonwrought" and has all these crazy stats, and he has all these ultra-powerful "epic feats." The DM got outraged at this instantly. Then, the powergamer's kobold said PazuzuPazuzuPazuzu. We didn't know what he was talking about, and he got all infuriated at the DM for not summoning a giant bird or something, and because the DM didn't read this really obscure splatbook.

It got worse. The dragonwrought kobold took out a scroll of "flesh to salt," which is from some weird splatbook, and turned a cow into a pillar of salt and sold it for thousands of gp. When we couldn't even believe it, he smugly pointed to the price for salt in the DMG. The DM had just about had enough, and said that the shopkeepers ran out of gold so he could only get 9,001 gp. Then the kobold bought a "lawful evil candle of invocation."

The DM asked, what are you up to? And the powergamer said, oh nothing. And the powergamer bought the candle, and used it to summon an evil genie to give him 3 wishes - and he wished for more lawful evil candles of invocation. At this point, the DM got infuriated and demanded that the powergamer stop abusing loopholes - but the powergamer said that all of it works according to the "raw." The DM then said that you can't possibly roleplay good with all these stupid stats, and we all agreed.

The session then ended, and I got a look at the powergamer's next character. I think he made the worst character possible just to spite us. He's playing a 5th-level wizard, and he took some awful spells. First, he took grease. Who cares if the ground is slippery?! Ok, we get some bonuses against the prone foes, but the evoker is the one who does 5d6 points of fire damage at the end of the day.
And he took glitterdust. GLITTERDUST. Who cares if they get a massive penalty to hide checks if we're FIGHTING THEM!??!?! Our evoker loaded all his 2nd-level spell slots with scorching ray and demolished the opposition.
And he took... he took web. Great, they're stuck in the web for a bit, but we can't even get to them. I bet he's just going to cast it right into the middle of the combat to get everyone stuck.
Also, he had ALTER SELF. Who cares if you look a little different?! If anyone cares about how my wizard would look, I would just blast him with scorching ray.
He also took sleet storm as a third level spell, which is interesting because we can't really go in after the monsters either. OUR EVOKER PREPARES NOTHING BUT FIREBALLS AND HE KILLED A WHOLE CAMP OF KOBOLDS IN ONE ROUND.
I'd like to see this powergamer do that by... making it snow on them.
He also took bands of steel, which I've never heard of, but it's probably just as useless as all his other spells.

What do I do to keep this guy from ruining the game?

Sincerely,

Chaosdefender24

kjones
2009-06-11, 05:20 PM
Dear GreatWyrmGold,

Um... Ten characters

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-11, 05:22 PM
You know what this means? They're secretly the same person!

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 05:25 PM
Dear GreatWyrmGold,



I have a problem with a powergamer who recently started attending my D&D sessions, on my team.

We're a level five party, and I'm playing the cleric. My friends are playing an evoker and a barbarian. It's a great vibe, the barbarian's excited because he's about to take heavy armor proficiency at 6th level, and the wizard can't even miss with his wand of magic missile. I have a lot of fun, because I spend all my spell slots healing the party during the fight whenever someone takes damage. It's a relief, because we don't have to drink the potions of cure serious wounds we bought until late in the session.

Anyway, so another guy was playing a monk, and due to struggles in his personal life he had to leave the group. So, we sent out for this new player, and he comes in with a kobold wizard. At first, we're all laughing, because you know, it's a kobold. But then he says it's "dragonwrought" and has all these crazy stats, and he has all these ultra-powerful "epic feats." The DM got outraged at this instantly. Then, the powergamer's kobold said PazuzuPazuzuPazuzu. We didn't know what he was talking about, and he got all infuriated at the DM for not summoning a giant bird or something, and because the DM didn't read this really obscure splatbook.

It got worse. The dragonwrought kobold took out a scroll of "flesh to salt," which is from some weird splatbook, and turned a cow into a pillar of salt and sold it for thousands of gp. When we couldn't even believe it, he smugly pointed to the price for salt in the DMG. The DM had just about had enough, and said that the shopkeepers ran out of gold so he could only get 9,001 gp. Then the kobold bought a "lawful evil candle of invocation."

The DM asked, what are you up to? And the powergamer said, oh nothing. And the powergamer bought the candle, and used it to summon an evil genie to give him 3 wishes - and he wished for more lawful evil candles of invocation. At this point, the DM got infuriated and demanded that the powergamer stop abusing loopholes - but the powergamer said that all of it works according to the "raw." The DM then said that you can't possibly roleplay good with all these stupid stats, and we all agreed.

The session then ended, and I got a look at the powergamer's next character. I think he made the worst character possible just to spite us. He's playing a 5th-level wizard, and he took some awful spells. First, he took grease. Who cares if the ground is slippery?! Ok, we get some bonuses against the prone foes, but the evoker is the one who does 5d6 points of fire damage at the end of the day.
And he took glitterdust. GLITTERDUST. Who cares if they get a massive penalty to hide checks if we're FIGHTING THEM!??!?! Our evoker loaded all his 2nd-level spell slots with scorching ray and demolished the opposition.
And he took... he took web. Great, they're stuck in the web for a bit, but we can't even get to them. I bet he's just going to cast it right into the middle of the combat to get everyone stuck.
Also, he had ALTER SELF. Who cares if you look a little different?! If anyone cares about how my wizard would look, I would just blast him with scorching ray.
He also took sleet storm as a third level spell, which is interesting because we can't really go in after the monsters either. OUR EVOKER PREPARES NOTHING BUT FIREBALLS AND HE KILLED A WHOLE CAMP OF KOBOLDS IN ONE ROUND.
I'd like to see this powergamer do that by... making it snow on them.
He also took bands of steel, which I've never heard of, but it's probably just as useless as all his other spells.

What do I do to keep this guy from ruining the game?

Sincerely,

Chaosdefender24

Dear Chaosdefender24:

Firstly, I believe this letter is addressed to the wrong person. But I'll let it slide. The problem is that you've got a powergamer in a group of unoptimized characters. Evokers, while fun, are considered to be...well...runts of the Wizard community. A Wizard expressing an interest in specializing in Evocation will usually be kicked out of his fraternity, and is never again invited to keggers at the frat house. Clerics are similar: a Cleric functioning as a walking bandage receives much adoration from his party, but is laughed at by warrior-priests everywhere. The same goes for a Barbarian sacrificing his mobility to walk around in a tin can.

Now, if you've got a great dynamic, then more power to you! Just stay away from anything with a CR higher than 7, anything with spell-like abilities, natural attacks, levels in a spellcasting class, or...actually, just fight armies of commoners. Small armies. It won't be that exciting, but a good group dynamic can make up for that.

But you have a player who hungers for more. More, in fact, than the game is meant to offer. Luckily, there are a few simply solutions to this problem.

The easiest would be to gain a few levels (using experience gained from his exploitation of the rules) and the planeshift the rest of your party to a different material plane, allowing him to become the complete master of the original one. Alternatively, send him to the other plane.

Some more entertaining options including planeshifting the actual player into the Elemental Plane of Fire, and watching the resulting fun from a safe distance through divination magic. A rulebook applied vigorously to the face of the player in question also works amazingly well. Most courts accept "Dragonwrought Kobold" as an excuse for capital crimes...you should be fine with simple assault and battery. In fact, it's theorized that the fall of Soviet Russia and the end of the Cold War were directly caused by a Russian scientist suggesting to the Kremlin that a Dragonwrought Kobold would make for a very effective nuclear deterrent, and the resulting trial eventually dissolved the nation. Don't let your game turn into Soviet Russia...although that might actually solve the problem.

After all...in Soviet Russia, you overpower the kobold.

-The Djinn

Barbarian MD
2009-06-11, 05:41 PM
And here comes some advice from the Peanuts Gallery:

ChaosDefender, I would refer your DM to the most important rule in D&D, and that is Rule 0: DM trumps all.

He wants to buy a candle of invocation? He can't find anyone selling it. He turns somebody's cow into salt? The owner of the cow runs out and starts fighting him. He kills the guy? Now he's a wanted man. Something is okay by RAW? Tough. He's the DM, and he makes the rules.


And here's a question:

Dear Djinn,

I'm having some trouble. My DM keeps promising to start an epic game, saying all kinds of things like, "I'm working on it." But I suspect he's doing other things with his time. What would you recommend? You know darn well that I'm kidding. :smalltongue:

Niezck
2009-06-11, 05:58 PM
Dear Djinn,

Dear friend my name is Dr tuoga kajima I am the manager of auditing and accounting department of BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum $15 million us dollars in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer (MR. RICHARD BURSON from Florida, U.S.A) who died along with his entire family on November 1999 in a plane crash.Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we can not release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased. unfortunately i learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you,so that the money can be release to you as the next of kin.upon your reply I will send you full details on how the business will be executed, send me your contact information. 1.Age.(2)Residential adress(3) occupation(4)private telephone.Waiting to hear from you.

*Cough* I mean uhm ...

I have a problem with the character I'm currently building (Guess which? :Smalltongue:) insofar that, currently, he has quite a few crafted items, and a couple free epic spells from the awesome DM of awesome. Now, I really want to cut down on these, as I'm currently getting around 300k more items than any other party member, simply because I have 2-3 craft feats and the uber awesome DM let the xp penalty slide. So, naturally, I don't want to abuse this too much, especially not in conjunction with the free epic spells.

Now, onto the problem ...

My character, as-is, is pretty damn weak. He's a Lich, yes, and he's a somewhat solid necromancer, yes. But the fact of the matter is, he can't stand up to any of these epic types he's going to be facing. There are people in the party that can go mano-a-mano with the big T, while my Lich would get stomped on the second the big arena man shouted 'GO!'. So, the items I bought make him a little bit stronger (enhancement bonuses to stats, more AC, better saves etc) but I really need to get rid of some of them to make it a little fairer. My problem now comes down to ... 'How do I get rid of items while still making him able to last more than one round with an epic encounter?'. Currently, he can't hit for crap, which is fine. He's a wizard, he doesn't need to hit stuff. However, touch spells? Yeah, they fail. +12 to hit when people have touch ACs in excess of 40 really does hurt. Plus, 99% of his spells rely on them making DC 30ish saves for little to no damage.

So, to sum up my badly thought-out and horribly written couple of passages ... I'm quite weak, got too much stuff already, have no idea what to remove to make him 'balanced', and fear he's not going to last ten seconds in an epic encounter. :smalleek:

Chineselegolas
2009-06-11, 06:05 PM
Dear Djinn

As a result of a ritual gone wrong I've travelled from 700 years in the past of Ptolus to now. I appeared in an evil temple and discovered a group of morally dubious adventures who seem to have some powerful friends. I'm hoping to use them to get to their friends and hopefully get home. Any advice for a surviving in the mean time? (I'm a spontaneous generalist, both arcane and divine. Thankfully all my powers have stayed with me)

Help.
Maleafaur

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-11, 06:09 PM
Dear Djinn

As a result of a ritual gone wrong I've travelled from 700 years in the past of Ptolus to now. I appeared in an evil temple and discovered a group of morally dubious adventures who seem to have some powerful friends. I'm hoping to use them to get to their friends and hopefully get home. Any advice for a surviving in the mean time? (I'm a spontaneous generalist, both arcane and divine. Thankfully all my powers have stayed with me)

Help.
Maleafaur

If I may?

Become a lich and take a nice, long vacation.

DamnedIrishman
2009-06-11, 06:25 PM
Dear Djinn,

Whatever happened to the term 'munchkin' being used to describe annoying powergamers?

Yours,
DamnedIrishman

Archpaladin Zousha
2009-06-11, 06:33 PM
Dear Djinn,

I DMed my first game of 4th Edition D&D last night, and while I survived it, it really didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped. We spent most of the time making everyone's characters, we had to share my dice since I didn't have enough for everyone to have a set of their own, we had to keep passing around the books to make sure everyone knew what they were doing, I didn't keep track of the hitpoint totals of the enemies so I just arbitrarily decided when they died, I didn't have a good map mat so I just drew a crappy representation on graph paper and used coins instead of minis, and I didn't have enough to represent everything on the map, we only had time to get through one fight, I don't think everyone's sheets are completely filled out and someone spilled water on the lemon drops, making a mess over by the snacks.

But everyone's telling me they had a good time. I don't know whether to believe them or whether they're just saying that to cushion my rickety ego.

I don't have a lot of experience DMing, even with a pre-made adventure like I was using. Should I keep this up? Am I cut out for DMing?

Sincerely,
The Archpaladin

RelentlessImp
2009-06-11, 06:44 PM
Dear Djinn,

I've a bit of a ... problem. Lately, all I can think of is creating someone who could rise to the undisputed ruler of his Prime. I find myself obsessing over the Dread Necromancer class, finding it the easiest way to create massive armies in order to accomplish his goals. I find myself thinking of the Venerable Dragonwrought Kobold turned Dracolich, ruling eternally and bringing his long-suffering kin into some real power.

How can I fight the urge to create this character? And more importantly, where can I find a game that'd actually let something like this happen?

~Struggling to Deny Necromancy

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-11, 06:48 PM
Dear Djinn,

I've a bit of a ... problem. Lately, all I can think of is creating someone who could rise to the undisputed ruler of his Prime. I find myself obsessing over the Dread Necromancer class, finding it the easiest way to create massive armies in order to accomplish his ghouls.

Fixed it for you.

RelentlessImp
2009-06-11, 06:52 PM
Fixed it for you.

Ghoul Gauntlet is a horrible spell. Please don't make me cast it. ;_;

d13
2009-06-11, 07:20 PM
Dear Djinn,

I'm getting a little fed up with these adventurers who come once and again, claiming that a group of hobbos attacked them on the way to town.
I mean... We pay them, we have to pay the dragons and the hobbos to assembly this army, we have to pay for the sacrifice to this weird Dragon Goddess for her to send one of her aspects... We even have to pay to make liches and some sort of weird lions! And we also have to let them (the hobbos, and stuff) destroy our town, while we pretend to run to Brindol!

What the heck is going on?! When is this madness going to end?!!!?!?

Yours, sincerely,
Cpt. Soranna Anitah.

Random NPC
2009-06-11, 07:34 PM
Honorable Djinn-sama

I've been having troubles with my honorable nakama (companions). I come from a distant land, traveling the lands to improve my kendo (swordsmanship) in order to better serve my daimyo (master). My skills are quite impresive. I can fight easily with my honorable daisho. I can use my inner ki and scream in order to cleave my enemies. I can even put fear into their hearts with a single stare. However, this is not enough for my companions.

My companions include a noble priest warrior of the Scarlet Lady (I assume is a honorable Goddess of beauty), a magician with a huge tome of magical writings, a forest shaman who shape changes into animals, a scribe with also a huge tome of magical writings, and a magical crafter that has created many magical items.

The problem I have is not with my honorable companions, but with myself. I have disgraced them since I'm not useful in combat. The hordes of evil monsters succumb to the might of my companions before I'm even able to draw my katana, let alone strike one beast down. I'm at lose to what to do.



Dishonorably Feeble Samurai

RelentlessImp
2009-06-11, 08:03 PM
My companions include a noble priest warrior of the Scarlet Lady (I assume is a honorable Goddess of beauty)

That Samurai's probably going to fall when they learn the truth... (if that's referring to the Goddess I think it is).

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 08:14 PM
Dear Djinn,

I'm having some trouble. My DM keeps promising to start an epic game, saying all kinds of things like, "I'm working on it." But I suspect he's doing other things with his time. What would you recommend?

Dear mhvaughan:

What you have to remember is that Dungeon Masters are more than just people. In our little worlds, they are the divine beings, and their word is law. They are the creators. Now, imagine if creation were rushed. We'd be seeing people walking around with their legs on backwards, looking like something that stepped out of a Picasso painting. I hope I don't need to emphasize the fact that this is a step down from our current state of affairs, and that it is most decidedly not epic. Giving him the time he needs will ultimately lead to a better game...and if he's not dedicated, it's probably better to let the game fall by the wayside.

Also remember that the game is, ultimately, for the players. Since the DM doesn't get as much out of it, sometimes he just needs a little encouragement. Offers of wine, women, and song can often get a lazy or unmotivated DM to begin working overtime to craft that campaign. You'd be surprised just how much motivation you'll begin to see.

-The Djinn



Dear Djinn,

I have a problem with the character I'm currently building (Guess which? :Smalltongue:) insofar that, currently, he has quite a few crafted items, and a couple free epic spells from the awesome DM of awesome. Now, I really want to cut down on these, as I'm currently getting around 300k more items than any other party member, simply because I have 2-3 craft feats and the uber awesome DM let the xp penalty slide. So, naturally, I don't want to abuse this too much, especially not in conjunction with the free epic spells.

Now, onto the problem ...

My character, as-is, is pretty damn weak. He's a Lich, yes, and he's a somewhat solid necromancer, yes. But the fact of the matter is, he can't stand up to any of these epic types he's going to be facing. There are people in the party that can go mano-a-mano with the big T, while my Lich would get stomped on the second the big arena man shouted 'GO!'. So, the items I bought make him a little bit stronger (enhancement bonuses to stats, more AC, better saves etc) but I really need to get rid of some of them to make it a little fairer. My problem now comes down to ... 'How do I get rid of items while still making him able to last more than one round with an epic encounter?'. Currently, he can't hit for crap, which is fine. He's a wizard, he doesn't need to hit stuff. However, touch spells? Yeah, they fail. +12 to hit when people have touch ACs in excess of 40 really does hurt. Plus, 99% of his spells rely on them making DC 30ish saves for little to no damage.

So, to sum up my badly thought-out and horribly written couple of passages ... I'm quite weak, got too much stuff already, have no idea what to remove to make him 'balanced', and fear he's not going to last ten seconds in an epic encounter. :smalleek:

Dear Niezck:

This is a most unusual situation. Normally high-level fighters are complaining about how "that guy in the pointy hat can level the world in less time than it takes me to swing my sword." In fact, this is almost universal.

Perhaps you're looking at it the wrong way. If you're aiming to stand up to the Tarrasque, you'd be better off as a non-undead, and possibly a non-spellcaster. As you are both, you will be incredibly squishy, especially if your spell selection isn't focused heavily on what are known as "I Win" spells. If this is the case, you'll do better to hang back and utilize your power from a distance, allowing your allies to approach the monsters while wearing steel trashcans on their backs. These "tanks" are your armor: allow them to get beaten black and blue while you sit back, relax, pour yourself a martini, and drain 16 levels off of your opponent. You'll find yourself safely out of combat while still being alarmingly effective.

If accuracy is really a problem, I'd recommend some Dexterity increasing items to up your pathetic touch attack, and possibly Weapon Focus (Rays) if you have the feat to spare. Even a +1 can help. Spells that increase your accuracy will also help: at Epic levels, your massive amount of low level spells will allow you to prepare a lot of true strikes, which means a lot of hits. Make sure you stock up on spells that don't deal damage as well...meteor swarm is all very good, but, as you're relying on your opponent failing that save for the spell to be really effective, you'll get better mileage out of Wail of the Banshee. Assuming the same failed saving throw, one just leaves your opponent annoyed which, given their epic challenge rating, is something you can't afford to do.

Remember: Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Kill a man and...well...he doesn't have the rest of his life to hurt you in.

-The Djinn

arguskos
2009-06-11, 08:17 PM
Remember: Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Kill a man and...well...he doesn't have the rest of his life to hurt you in.

-The Djinn
Aaaand, thatsa quoted for posterity. Sorry, I just wanted to toss that out there.

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-11, 08:33 PM
Advice for dealing damage:

Timestop
Maw of Chaos
Maw of Chaos
Maw of Chaos
Maw of Chaos
Maw of Chaos
End Timestop
Orb of Fire

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-06-11, 08:43 PM
Dear Djinn

As a result of a ritual gone wrong I've travelled from 700 years in the past of Ptolus to now. I appeared in an evil temple and discovered a group of morally dubious adventurers who seem to have some powerful friends. I'm hoping to use them to get to their friends and hopefully get home. Any advice for a surviving in the mean time? (I'm a spontaneous generalist, both arcane and divine. Thankfully all my powers have stayed with me)

Help.
Maleafaur

Dear Maleafaur:

Fire spells. Lots of them. As the world is currently experiencing an Ice Age, keeping warm is a necessity. Aside from that, survive like you normally would, keeping a wary eye on your "friends." Under no circumstances should you let them know you're from the past, as this will alert them to the existence of time travel in your world...something no adventuring party should ever discover. Sadly, this means that you will never go back to the past, but be comforted...if you could go back, the time paradoxes caused by the discovery of time travel would pretty much guarantee that there would be no past to go back to.

So settle down, find yourself a nice (warm) place to live, and make the best of a bad situation.

-The Djinn



Dear Djinn,

Whatever happened to the term 'munchkin' being used to describe annoying powergamers?

Yours,
DamnedIrishman

Dear DamnedIrishman:

It was realized recently that, aside from being annoying powergamers, munchkins were also tasty balls of doughnut sold by the chain retailer Dunkin Donuts. This led to many upset and doughnut deprived players and DMs after sentences such as "I don't allow munchkins in my games." Ultimately, to solve this problem, only one solution was possible: a change of terminology.

Incidentally, calling powergamers "Mother-in-Laws" never really caught on, although the concept remains sound.

-The Djinn

Shades of Gray
2009-06-11, 08:55 PM
The session then ended, and I got a look at the powergamer's next character. I think he made the worst character possible just to spite us. He's playing a 5th-level wizard, and he took some awful spells. First, he took grease. Who cares if the ground is slippery?! Ok, we get some bonuses against the prone foes, but the evoker is the one who does 5d6 points of fire damage at the end of the day.
And he took glitterdust. GLITTERDUST. Who cares if they get a massive penalty to hide checks if we're FIGHTING THEM!??!?! Our evoker loaded all his 2nd-level spell slots with scorching ray and demolished the opposition.
And he took... he took web. Great, they're stuck in the web for a bit, but we can't even get to them. I bet he's just going to cast it right into the middle of the combat to get everyone stuck.
Also, he had ALTER SELF. Who cares if you look a little different?! If anyone cares about how my wizard would look, I would just blast him with scorching ray.
He also took sleet storm as a third level spell, which is interesting because we can't really go in after the monsters either. OUR EVOKER PREPARES NOTHING BUT FIREBALLS AND HE KILLED A WHOLE CAMP OF KOBOLDS IN ONE ROUND.
I'd like to see this powergamer do that by... making it snow on them.
He also took bands of steel, which I've never heard of, but it's probably just as useless as all his other spells.

I know that this isn't really the point, but those are good spells. The point of grease is to use it on an object. E.x. casting it on a wizards material components.

Glitterdust decreases the enemy's accuracy. It's useful as well.

Alter self turns you into another race. E.x. Troglodyte, that gives him +6 AC. Very useful.

Keld Denar
2009-06-11, 09:02 PM
I know that this isn't really the point, but those are good spells. The point of grease is to use it on an object. E.x. casting it on a wizards material components.

And...you obviously failed your save vs satire...

d13
2009-06-11, 09:03 PM
I know that this isn't really the point, but those are good spells. The point of grease is to use it on an object. E.x. casting it on a wizards material components.

Glitterdust decreases the enemy's accuracy. It's useful as well.

Alter self turns you into another race. E.x. Troglodyte, that gives him +6 AC. Very useful.

May I take your attention to this "joke detector"?

It's only $49.99!

Roland St. Jude
2009-06-11, 09:06 PM
Sheriff of Moddingham: No, just no. Everyone and their sister cannot have their own "Dear Morbo" gaming column. Forums do not work that way. You people, creative as you are, hurt my brain sometimes. Thread locked. Please don't start anymore threads in this format.