Amiel
2009-06-11, 12:24 AM
Sprawling across the globe of World like a beached whale among too many dessicated coconuts is the continent of Dungeon, a land of plenty.
Millennia ago, Dungeon idealised from the dual dichotomies of abundance and insufficiency, namely an over-surplus of processed mineral and metal wealth coupled with an inexplicable non-understanding of the concept of banks and banking.
Consigned to a life of rob or be robbed, the denizens and deities of Dungeon conspired to sink as many holes into the earth as demi-humanly possible. This failed miserably, not for lack of trying but for lack of success, the holes they evacuated using a variety of methods rendered each pit unserviceable, they went beyond the known imposed length measurements. The gold and gnomes liberally tossed into their pits were unreachable.
A riot started as centuries of accumulated wealth disappeared, thrown into yawning abysses. Afflicted by chronic and worsening brain aneurysms, the pantheon of Dungeon suddenly had a brain wave, what if these pits could be entered for the sole purpose of depositing and keeping?
Relieved and frightened by the prospects of lateral thinking, the deities mandated upon their worshippers the need for masonry and doors, as well as supporting columns and the wheel. Thus was progress visited upon Dungeon. Much celebration was consummated and much hilarity ensured when the first dungeon was successfully built. Their wealth safe, the citizens could begin to sleep soundly.
Could but not began, for they did not count on the greed and covetousness of the gold dwarves, who had an appreciation for all things shiny. The stone dwarves were commissioned to design and physically build the colossal dungeons, huge pits sunk into the earth, but it was the gold dwarves who sculpted the facilities of each dungeon.
Golden fingers gold to the end, the gold dwarves made a habit of pilfering, with the excuse of safe-keeping on their lips. Eventually their duplicity was found out, but they weren't punished, rather, their methods were copied albeit changed, the dungeons designed were stocked with a menagerie of dangerous beasts and diabolical traps. Thus was the blame for the current state of dungeons laid at the feet of the dwarves.
Even today, as was centuries ago, Dungeon is still pockmarked with dungeons. Cities and nations developed around these holes rather than the other way round, and entire armies and several inebriated inhabitants could be wiped from the face of the earth after falling into a hole, cunningly fashioned into the forms of realistic shrubbery.
Dungeon is peculiar for its naturally sweetened fauna (lollies in the forms of animals, as well as normal animals) and its sugar-scented and carbonated sugar lakes, rivers and seas. Dungeon is the setting for Dungeons and Dungeons with Dragons.
The Principality of Garamond
Capital: Claude
Population: Alternates between 1,480,000 - 1,561,000
Exports: Books, mercenaries, grain, textiles, worked metal, procrastination
Imports: Wine, magic goods, cloth, cotton
Languages: Serif
Currency: Dingbat (copper coinage), Italic (silver coinage), Script (gold coinage)
The Most Glorious Principality of Garamond is located within the shadow of the mountain range, the Chains of Xoah. Encompassing a small sliver of land and peppered with vital adamantine and mithral deposits, Garamond has long been contested territory. Only the timely entrance into the Alliance of Typographia did the medium-sized country retain its assumed borders and national interests.
Garamond itself is a hilly land; the terrain ascends into mountainuous highlands near the Chains of Xoah and rich and luxuriant grasslands fill the rest of the principality as it follows the course of the river Garamond as it terminates into the Sea of Guillemets. Intermittently throughout, Garamand is dotted with temperate forest.
Garadh, or as the people of Garamond are known, are a learned lot and often take to the scribing and composition of books. The Garadh also have a passion for the bardic arts, to the extent where even a lay citizen is familiar with groan-inducing puns and clever witticism and word play.
Surprisingly, the Garadh utilise a morphable alphabet, so typography errors and misspellings are a common-place occurance. Apart from scholarly pursuits, or perhaps because of them, the Garadh have achieved procrastination as an art-form. The Garadh are admirable masters at the wasting of time and day-dreaming, where even other Worldlenders come from across World to study at the feet of procrastinators.
A Garadh tends toward a slender build in both the men and women, however, peculiarly each sex has overlong feet. Their faces tend toward delicate-featured and pale complexions, while stocky and course featured Garadh do exist. Their hair are shadings of black and brown, blonde, red and orange. They prefer to dress in breezely and loose leggings and blouses.
Garamond, as other Typograhian countries tend to be, is separated into two distinct territories, Caise Superior encompasses the royal city of Claude and surrounding municipalities while Caise Inferior covers everything else.
The main river, the Guillemets a Garamond, divides the country into two lorem ipsum. It's national bird is the Q'uote.
Claude (212,045): Claude is the pretentiously named capital of Garamond. A mix of dwarven ingenuity and human perseverance has enabled Garamond and by extension Claude to thrive in a world of holes and enemies.
Oddly, the royal family has made a habit of naming each successor to the throne King, rendering the full title of crown a long-winded and confusing affair. The current throne-holder is the King King Dave a Claude denim Garamond the Fashionably Late.
Despite its propensity for procrastination, the city does maintain a sizeable fortress and mercantile interests. Claude is among the greatest trading centres in Garamond and all manner of goods and services can be found and had. Claude too, is famous for its many neat and well-maintained gardens and parks, and people gather there to procrastinate, day-dream and sleep.
Fort Dextrose: The ominously named Fort Dextrose is not a fort at all but is rather the site of a brewery and distillery that manufactures and exports sugar-flavored and carbonated water and the sprinkles of heaven that enable Worldlenders to go on sugar-highs and bounce off walls.
The Forest of Procrastination: Scholars involved in the study of the history of the land voice the theorem that the terminal procrastination that is a Garadh's birthright, strength and biggest weakness stems not from inherited bloodlines but from the aptly named Forest of Procrastination.
The lush and temperate forest covers much of the south of Garamond, its borders brushing the Chains of Xoah and tickling the armpits of the Horn of Rhinoxers.
Fey are known to live inside the forest alongside the many exotic animals and candy-animals that they harvest and sell to enterprising individuals.
The Floating M(f)erry of Garbodia
Capital: Disposoal
Population: 1,000,000
Exports: Rubbish, recycled goods
Imports: Everything else
Languages: Garbo
Currency: Skink (copper coinage), Skunk (silver coinage), Raccoon (gold coinage)
Set adrift within the heavenly scented sea of Mimosa floats the eternally vagrant isle of Garbodia.
It's thrones are the porcelain bowls of toilets and its industries involve the recycling and re-use of garbage. Eternally bereft of the smell of perfume, Garbodia was cut off from the main continent of World after becoming embroiled in the War of Hot Pants vs Mini-Skirts; which has yet to advance a victor.
Cast away and left to drift in the endless rose sea, the emancipated and emaciated Garbos faced hostility and the perils of a bath when they tried to dock in the ports of the other free nations. No one would risk infection or the stench of a trading Garbo and none would suffer from close encounters of the smelly kind.
Without allies and left to wander again, the Garbodians resorted to a life away from the continents and within a too tightly confined vicinity. The Garbodians learned about tolerance quickly, learning to cope with the empowering stench and going so far as to develop immunities to poisons, disease, and smell.
The island, restricted to the interior of the Sea of Mimosa, Garbodia's stench is usually kept in check by the sea itself, which has a habit of tossing the litter and refuse that the Garbos intentionally leave into the ocean back at the Garbos; sentient candy-animals and the various intelligent humanoids sea-faring races do this.
Curiously, the Garbos rule through a prophetic method, which involves a lot of visions and some hallucinations due to the overpowering smell.
The current monarchs are the Stinks, whose rule situates in the present, assisting their rule are the Stanks and the Stunks respectively. The Stanks' rule extends into the future while the Stunks' rule encompasses the past.
Despite being universally dirty and reeking of decomposed meat and fish, the Garbos remain an optimistic and cheery lot, always seeing the brighter side to life and maintaining a steadfast refusal to go to war or to bully. The Garbos themselves are short, barely topping 5 ft. 4 in. Their feet are also quite small, when their bodies are taken into consideration though their facial features are long, especially the ears. It is said that a loud noise can stun a Garbo for a round or three.
Disposoal (15,000): Disposoal is the aptly named capital of the Island of Garbodia, essentially a vast recycling and processing centre and unit, Disposoal is where Garbos frolic and forget about an existence life upon a pile of garbage.
This has undoubtedly transformed Disposoal into an almost verdant paradise, well, as much of one as can be found on Garbodia. Disposoal is as much as technologically advanced as any continent city and despite its location the personal hygiene maintained by inhabitants and the city alike can be assured to be exemplary.
Unfortunately, it and the other territories on Garbodia are plagued by infestations of wererats, wereraccoons, werepossums, and more rarely weresheep. Engaged in nigh exchanging of comedic performances, both good and bad, the Garbos have began to steadily decline as their refusal to go to war inflicts casualties. The majority of Garbos have already upended past steadfastness and circumvented further societal deterioration by arguing that the refusal should be confined to fellow Garbos.
McDungeon & McDragon and Kobold Fireballed Cassowary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassowary)
Or the Tale of Two Processed Meat By-Products
Holistically, adventurers have always been against the sedentary lifestyle formulaically reproduced by their sloth-loving kin. Adventurer unions have gone so far to initiate training facilities that simulate a treacherous and slippery environment so as to lower the percentage of those obese or overweight.
Were it so that the apple falls so close to the tree. While there have been commoners whose girths encompassed a significant area and whose combined weights inadvertently set tectonic plates into motion, the vast majority of commoners or farmers possess wiry, muscular frames.
And while slender commoners are the norm rather than exception so too are there adventurers whose flab is greatly in excess to their brawn, shaming their parent adventurer unions whose membership they hold.
Scholars whose interests lie in researching the phenomenon of flab and muscle have put forward several interesting (and hilarious) conjectures and theories. While many conflict, one in particular offers a testimony to the effects of the junk food readily available to commoners and adventurers alike.
Clans McDougdon and McDraghgon began as minor brances of Clan McDonuttop, a family of dwarves, living under the Armpit of Rhinoxers, who idolised the creation of weapons and blacksmiting as the exemplar of artistic expression. Their scions on the other hand pursued not so much the crafting of weapons as the crafting of food stuffs. They were among the first acknowledged chefs within the dwarven set and were among the first to be cast out of their homes.
Recognising a dearth of acceptably tasting rations and recognising a need for quickly-processed yet delicious field meals, the two Clans at first consummated their businesses as rivals.
At the same time, a family of gnomes decided to expand into the as yet unforeseen profitability of fast-food manufacture. Advertising their product through word-of-mouth and the novelty of eat a whole cassowary kill five kobolds, and famed for its succulent and delicious cassowaries cooked with the patented 111 secret herbs and spices, Kobold Fireballed Cassowary became a cult hit among adventurers and immensely popular among commoners and nobility alike.
Recognising the need for solidarity in the face of stiff competition, Clans McDougdon and McDraghgon, already renowned for their skills at cooking delicious field-meals and burgers finally merged their respective holdings to form a single commercial entity, colloquially known as McDungeons & Dragons.
In time, the heirs to both mercantile empires met to discuss talks of consolidating again to benignly dominate/influence the global market on fast-food and quick-processed yet delicious field meals. This was successful, and the consortium that is now known as McD&DandKFC is one of the major economic powerhouses of World.
La'rd (from Laird) Rougdon McDougdon (CG male dwarf Expert 6/Fighter 3/Dwarven Defender 1) and La'rd Leghorn McDraghgon (NG male dwarf Expert 6/Cleric 4) are the scions of Clans McDungeon and McDragon respectively.
The Koboldflinger Sarland Handers (CG male gnome Expert 8/Rogue 2) is the eminent chef of KCF.
Millennia ago, Dungeon idealised from the dual dichotomies of abundance and insufficiency, namely an over-surplus of processed mineral and metal wealth coupled with an inexplicable non-understanding of the concept of banks and banking.
Consigned to a life of rob or be robbed, the denizens and deities of Dungeon conspired to sink as many holes into the earth as demi-humanly possible. This failed miserably, not for lack of trying but for lack of success, the holes they evacuated using a variety of methods rendered each pit unserviceable, they went beyond the known imposed length measurements. The gold and gnomes liberally tossed into their pits were unreachable.
A riot started as centuries of accumulated wealth disappeared, thrown into yawning abysses. Afflicted by chronic and worsening brain aneurysms, the pantheon of Dungeon suddenly had a brain wave, what if these pits could be entered for the sole purpose of depositing and keeping?
Relieved and frightened by the prospects of lateral thinking, the deities mandated upon their worshippers the need for masonry and doors, as well as supporting columns and the wheel. Thus was progress visited upon Dungeon. Much celebration was consummated and much hilarity ensured when the first dungeon was successfully built. Their wealth safe, the citizens could begin to sleep soundly.
Could but not began, for they did not count on the greed and covetousness of the gold dwarves, who had an appreciation for all things shiny. The stone dwarves were commissioned to design and physically build the colossal dungeons, huge pits sunk into the earth, but it was the gold dwarves who sculpted the facilities of each dungeon.
Golden fingers gold to the end, the gold dwarves made a habit of pilfering, with the excuse of safe-keeping on their lips. Eventually their duplicity was found out, but they weren't punished, rather, their methods were copied albeit changed, the dungeons designed were stocked with a menagerie of dangerous beasts and diabolical traps. Thus was the blame for the current state of dungeons laid at the feet of the dwarves.
Even today, as was centuries ago, Dungeon is still pockmarked with dungeons. Cities and nations developed around these holes rather than the other way round, and entire armies and several inebriated inhabitants could be wiped from the face of the earth after falling into a hole, cunningly fashioned into the forms of realistic shrubbery.
Dungeon is peculiar for its naturally sweetened fauna (lollies in the forms of animals, as well as normal animals) and its sugar-scented and carbonated sugar lakes, rivers and seas. Dungeon is the setting for Dungeons and Dungeons with Dragons.
The Principality of Garamond
Capital: Claude
Population: Alternates between 1,480,000 - 1,561,000
Exports: Books, mercenaries, grain, textiles, worked metal, procrastination
Imports: Wine, magic goods, cloth, cotton
Languages: Serif
Currency: Dingbat (copper coinage), Italic (silver coinage), Script (gold coinage)
The Most Glorious Principality of Garamond is located within the shadow of the mountain range, the Chains of Xoah. Encompassing a small sliver of land and peppered with vital adamantine and mithral deposits, Garamond has long been contested territory. Only the timely entrance into the Alliance of Typographia did the medium-sized country retain its assumed borders and national interests.
Garamond itself is a hilly land; the terrain ascends into mountainuous highlands near the Chains of Xoah and rich and luxuriant grasslands fill the rest of the principality as it follows the course of the river Garamond as it terminates into the Sea of Guillemets. Intermittently throughout, Garamand is dotted with temperate forest.
Garadh, or as the people of Garamond are known, are a learned lot and often take to the scribing and composition of books. The Garadh also have a passion for the bardic arts, to the extent where even a lay citizen is familiar with groan-inducing puns and clever witticism and word play.
Surprisingly, the Garadh utilise a morphable alphabet, so typography errors and misspellings are a common-place occurance. Apart from scholarly pursuits, or perhaps because of them, the Garadh have achieved procrastination as an art-form. The Garadh are admirable masters at the wasting of time and day-dreaming, where even other Worldlenders come from across World to study at the feet of procrastinators.
A Garadh tends toward a slender build in both the men and women, however, peculiarly each sex has overlong feet. Their faces tend toward delicate-featured and pale complexions, while stocky and course featured Garadh do exist. Their hair are shadings of black and brown, blonde, red and orange. They prefer to dress in breezely and loose leggings and blouses.
Garamond, as other Typograhian countries tend to be, is separated into two distinct territories, Caise Superior encompasses the royal city of Claude and surrounding municipalities while Caise Inferior covers everything else.
The main river, the Guillemets a Garamond, divides the country into two lorem ipsum. It's national bird is the Q'uote.
Claude (212,045): Claude is the pretentiously named capital of Garamond. A mix of dwarven ingenuity and human perseverance has enabled Garamond and by extension Claude to thrive in a world of holes and enemies.
Oddly, the royal family has made a habit of naming each successor to the throne King, rendering the full title of crown a long-winded and confusing affair. The current throne-holder is the King King Dave a Claude denim Garamond the Fashionably Late.
Despite its propensity for procrastination, the city does maintain a sizeable fortress and mercantile interests. Claude is among the greatest trading centres in Garamond and all manner of goods and services can be found and had. Claude too, is famous for its many neat and well-maintained gardens and parks, and people gather there to procrastinate, day-dream and sleep.
Fort Dextrose: The ominously named Fort Dextrose is not a fort at all but is rather the site of a brewery and distillery that manufactures and exports sugar-flavored and carbonated water and the sprinkles of heaven that enable Worldlenders to go on sugar-highs and bounce off walls.
The Forest of Procrastination: Scholars involved in the study of the history of the land voice the theorem that the terminal procrastination that is a Garadh's birthright, strength and biggest weakness stems not from inherited bloodlines but from the aptly named Forest of Procrastination.
The lush and temperate forest covers much of the south of Garamond, its borders brushing the Chains of Xoah and tickling the armpits of the Horn of Rhinoxers.
Fey are known to live inside the forest alongside the many exotic animals and candy-animals that they harvest and sell to enterprising individuals.
The Floating M(f)erry of Garbodia
Capital: Disposoal
Population: 1,000,000
Exports: Rubbish, recycled goods
Imports: Everything else
Languages: Garbo
Currency: Skink (copper coinage), Skunk (silver coinage), Raccoon (gold coinage)
Set adrift within the heavenly scented sea of Mimosa floats the eternally vagrant isle of Garbodia.
It's thrones are the porcelain bowls of toilets and its industries involve the recycling and re-use of garbage. Eternally bereft of the smell of perfume, Garbodia was cut off from the main continent of World after becoming embroiled in the War of Hot Pants vs Mini-Skirts; which has yet to advance a victor.
Cast away and left to drift in the endless rose sea, the emancipated and emaciated Garbos faced hostility and the perils of a bath when they tried to dock in the ports of the other free nations. No one would risk infection or the stench of a trading Garbo and none would suffer from close encounters of the smelly kind.
Without allies and left to wander again, the Garbodians resorted to a life away from the continents and within a too tightly confined vicinity. The Garbodians learned about tolerance quickly, learning to cope with the empowering stench and going so far as to develop immunities to poisons, disease, and smell.
The island, restricted to the interior of the Sea of Mimosa, Garbodia's stench is usually kept in check by the sea itself, which has a habit of tossing the litter and refuse that the Garbos intentionally leave into the ocean back at the Garbos; sentient candy-animals and the various intelligent humanoids sea-faring races do this.
Curiously, the Garbos rule through a prophetic method, which involves a lot of visions and some hallucinations due to the overpowering smell.
The current monarchs are the Stinks, whose rule situates in the present, assisting their rule are the Stanks and the Stunks respectively. The Stanks' rule extends into the future while the Stunks' rule encompasses the past.
Despite being universally dirty and reeking of decomposed meat and fish, the Garbos remain an optimistic and cheery lot, always seeing the brighter side to life and maintaining a steadfast refusal to go to war or to bully. The Garbos themselves are short, barely topping 5 ft. 4 in. Their feet are also quite small, when their bodies are taken into consideration though their facial features are long, especially the ears. It is said that a loud noise can stun a Garbo for a round or three.
Disposoal (15,000): Disposoal is the aptly named capital of the Island of Garbodia, essentially a vast recycling and processing centre and unit, Disposoal is where Garbos frolic and forget about an existence life upon a pile of garbage.
This has undoubtedly transformed Disposoal into an almost verdant paradise, well, as much of one as can be found on Garbodia. Disposoal is as much as technologically advanced as any continent city and despite its location the personal hygiene maintained by inhabitants and the city alike can be assured to be exemplary.
Unfortunately, it and the other territories on Garbodia are plagued by infestations of wererats, wereraccoons, werepossums, and more rarely weresheep. Engaged in nigh exchanging of comedic performances, both good and bad, the Garbos have began to steadily decline as their refusal to go to war inflicts casualties. The majority of Garbos have already upended past steadfastness and circumvented further societal deterioration by arguing that the refusal should be confined to fellow Garbos.
McDungeon & McDragon and Kobold Fireballed Cassowary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassowary)
Or the Tale of Two Processed Meat By-Products
Holistically, adventurers have always been against the sedentary lifestyle formulaically reproduced by their sloth-loving kin. Adventurer unions have gone so far to initiate training facilities that simulate a treacherous and slippery environment so as to lower the percentage of those obese or overweight.
Were it so that the apple falls so close to the tree. While there have been commoners whose girths encompassed a significant area and whose combined weights inadvertently set tectonic plates into motion, the vast majority of commoners or farmers possess wiry, muscular frames.
And while slender commoners are the norm rather than exception so too are there adventurers whose flab is greatly in excess to their brawn, shaming their parent adventurer unions whose membership they hold.
Scholars whose interests lie in researching the phenomenon of flab and muscle have put forward several interesting (and hilarious) conjectures and theories. While many conflict, one in particular offers a testimony to the effects of the junk food readily available to commoners and adventurers alike.
Clans McDougdon and McDraghgon began as minor brances of Clan McDonuttop, a family of dwarves, living under the Armpit of Rhinoxers, who idolised the creation of weapons and blacksmiting as the exemplar of artistic expression. Their scions on the other hand pursued not so much the crafting of weapons as the crafting of food stuffs. They were among the first acknowledged chefs within the dwarven set and were among the first to be cast out of their homes.
Recognising a dearth of acceptably tasting rations and recognising a need for quickly-processed yet delicious field meals, the two Clans at first consummated their businesses as rivals.
At the same time, a family of gnomes decided to expand into the as yet unforeseen profitability of fast-food manufacture. Advertising their product through word-of-mouth and the novelty of eat a whole cassowary kill five kobolds, and famed for its succulent and delicious cassowaries cooked with the patented 111 secret herbs and spices, Kobold Fireballed Cassowary became a cult hit among adventurers and immensely popular among commoners and nobility alike.
Recognising the need for solidarity in the face of stiff competition, Clans McDougdon and McDraghgon, already renowned for their skills at cooking delicious field-meals and burgers finally merged their respective holdings to form a single commercial entity, colloquially known as McDungeons & Dragons.
In time, the heirs to both mercantile empires met to discuss talks of consolidating again to benignly dominate/influence the global market on fast-food and quick-processed yet delicious field meals. This was successful, and the consortium that is now known as McD&DandKFC is one of the major economic powerhouses of World.
La'rd (from Laird) Rougdon McDougdon (CG male dwarf Expert 6/Fighter 3/Dwarven Defender 1) and La'rd Leghorn McDraghgon (NG male dwarf Expert 6/Cleric 4) are the scions of Clans McDungeon and McDragon respectively.
The Koboldflinger Sarland Handers (CG male gnome Expert 8/Rogue 2) is the eminent chef of KCF.