New spell and creature. Possibly over the top

[Tilian]

I am absolutely horrible at working out CR's and proper caster levels, so I was wanting to run this by people that actually know what they're doing. These are both my fiirst attempts at actually creating a new spell and monster and defining them completely within d20 rules, so it's probably pretty rough around the edges. Also, if anyone can suggest better names for both that aren't quite so generically OMG HARDKORE!!1 as what they're currently called, please do so.

Okay, basic idea is that this is one of a series of spells created by an archmage known for inhumane experiments on people that kept an entire nation under a blanket of fear until his closest living lieutenants(and a few undead ones) jumped him the moment he slipped up. His spells were supposedly lost when his library and laboratory were torched, but they seem to keep turning up throughout the world...

Hell's Guillotine

Necromancy [Evil]

Level: Cleric 6, Wizard 6, Sorcerer 6
Components: V, S
Casting time: 1 round
Range: 25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels
Target: One targeted humanoid
Duration: Insantaneous
Saving Throw: Fortitude and Will(see description)
Spell Resistance: Yes

You point towards the target's head and quickly jerk your hand upwards into a fist. The targeted humanoid must make a Fortitude(DC 10 + caster level/2) or die insantly as its head is torn from its shoulders, floating in mid-air as the rest of the body collapses beneath it. If the target passes the Fortitude save, it takes 5d4 bludgeoning damage instead.

A humanoid which fails the Fortitude save must then make a Will save (DC 15 + caster level) or have its soul trapped within its head and be turned into a Soulscreamer under the command of the caster. The victim cannot be raised by any means until the Soulscreamer is destroyed. If the caster is slain, any soulscreamers created by him or her immediately detonate.


Soulscreamer

Size/Type: Small Undead
Hit Dice: 3d12 (20 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: Fly 40 ft. (good) (8 squares)
Armor Class: 12 (+1 size, +1 Dex), touch 11, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/0
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d4 vile damage)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d4 vile damage)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Detonation
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft.
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +5
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 18, Con -, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills: Hide -10, Intimidate +3, Move Silently -10, Search + 2, Spot +6
Feats: Hover, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary(1) or flock(3-5)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral evil
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: —


Soulscreamers are the victims of the Hell's Guillotine spell that have been turned into undead weapons. Constantly wracked by pain, a Soulscreamer appears as a floating, disembodied head with sickly green-purple flame crackling from its eyes, mouth and the wound where its neck should be. A distorted, agonized scream issues forth from its mouth at all times.

Soulscreamers are used as suicidal weapons by their creators. They follow the commands of whoever cast the Hell's Hell's Guillotine spell upon them without question. Once they are given a target, they will immediately seek it out and take the fastest possible route to reach them. They singlemindedly pursue their targets, and once they find them they throw themselves at them, biting down and then detonating in a self-destructive explosion.

Soulscreamers cannot be distracted and do not make attacks of opportunities against non-targets. They only attack non-targets if their path is blocked.

Perhaps the most horrific aspect is that they are more effective the more familiar they are with the targets. A soulscreamer that is given a target that it did not know in life will seek its target out to the best of its ability, but needs a general direction to start with. If a soulscreamer is given a target whose name it knew in life, it instantly knows its general location(1 mile radius) and immediately flies towards that area. A target that the soulscreamer was very familiar with(friend, family, etc.) is especially vulnerable, as their exact location is immediately known by the soulscreamer. This aspect of the creature has led to some instances of kidnapped individuals close to people in power being kidnapped and turned into flying bombs.

Detonate - When a soulscreamer impacts its intended target, it detonates, releasing all of the pain-fueled energies that sustained it in an explosion of eldritch flame. The area of the explosion covers a 15 ft. radius, dealing 3d10 vile damage and 2d10 fire damage to anyone in the area.
Flight - Soulscreamers are held aloft by the vile energies instilled in them. Their flight is a supernatural ability.
Suffering Scream - Anyone who hears a soulscreamer's constant wail must make a Will save(DC 14) or be shaken for one round. The scream cannot affect the same person more than once per day.

I'm going to have to create a good-aligned spell to get the ick off me now.

[Luircin]

Your spell seems seems to be a combination of finger of death (7th level spell) and create undead (6th level spell) with only a one round casting time. The reduced DCs for the spell do little to counter an instant death effect where a nat 1 will fail every time (Which are the true danger of instant death spells in my experience). If I were you, I'd change the DCs back to normal and make it an 8th level spell (Or maybe 7th and add an expensive material component or corruption cost).

[Tilian]

Your spell seems seems to be a combination of finger of death (7th level spell) and create undead (6th level spell) with only a one round casting time. The reduced DCs for the spell do little to counter an instant death effect where a nat 1 will fail every time (Which are the true danger of instant death spells in my experience). If I were you, I'd change the DCs back to normal and make it an 8th level spell (Or maybe 7th and add an expensive material component or corruption cost).

I'll have to look up Finger of Death now. Material components seem the way to go too, since I'd like to keep it available as less than an 8th level spell if possible. I guess that's the way it is with save-or-die spells.

What if the save nullified all damage or halved it, and any humanoid killed by the full damage were turned into a soulscreamer?

[Luircin]

I'll have to look up Finger of Death now. Material components seem the way to go too, since I'd like to keep it available as less than an 8th level spell if possible. I guess that's the way it is with save-or-die spells.

What if the save nullified all damage or halved it, and any humanoid killed by the full damage were turned into a soulscreamer?


If you want to keep it as a 6th level spell, my semi-humble opinion would be to make it similar to slay living, that is, requiring a touch attack. In this case, a touch attack with a -4 penalty because you're aiming to touch the neck. After that, make it a Fort-save-or-die. If the Fort save succeeds, the target takes x amount of damage (It's usually 3d6+caster level). If it fails, then the target dies and then takes the Will save or be turned into the undead. The material component I'd use would be the same for the various create undead spells, an onyx gem worth 50 gp per hit die of the creature.

I still think it's just a tad overpowered after this, so I'd probably give a +4 bonus on the Will save or a corruption cost of 1d4 points of Wisdom or 1d3 points of Con.

[Tilian]

Reworking it into a touch spell kind of clicks for me, since it would ideally be used against helpless opponents, and the loonies that would use this kind of spell probably wouldn't be so eager to put themselves in harm's way.

Reworked:

Hell's Guillotine

Necromancy [Evil]

Level: Cleric 7 Wizard 7, Sorcerer 7
Components: V, S, M
Casting time: 1 round
Range: Toiuch
Target: One targeted humanoid
Duration: Insantaneous
Saving Throw: Fortitude and Will(see description)
Spell Resistance: Yes

Material Components : 150 gp worth of onyx gems.

You touch the target's neck(-4 penalty) and quickly jerk your hand upwards into a fist. The targeted humanoid must make a Fortitude(DC 10 + caster level/2) or die insantly as its head is torn from its shoulders, floating in mid-air as the rest of the body collapses beneath it. If the target passes the Fortitude save, it takes 3d6 bludgeoning damage instead and is unable to speak for 1d10 rounds.

A humanoid which fails the Fortitude save must then make a Will save (DC 11 + caster level) or have its soul trapped within its head and be turned into a Soulscreamer under the command of the caster. The victim cannot be raised by any means until the Soulscreamer is destroyed. If the caster is slain, any soulscreamers created by him or her immediately detonate.

[Abd al-Azrad]

Just one problem I have: you're using irregular mechanics for every aspect of the spell. Fort save = 10+1/2 level? Will save = 11+level? What about your ability modifiers? And then, touch attack at a -4 penalty? Did you just make these numbers up arbitrarily to balance against your particular enemies' saves?

My suggestion: standardize. Fort DC = 10+spell level+ability modifier+bonuses. Will DC =10+spell level+ability modifier+bonuses. Touch attack as regular (you're never nonproficient with your natural attacks, even if they suck, like our human hands).

[Tilian]

Just one problem I have: you're using irregular mechanics for every aspect of the spell. Fort save = 10+1/2 level? Will save = 11+level? What about your ability modifiers? And then, touch attack at a -4 penalty? Did you just make these numbers up arbitrarily to balance against your particular enemies' saves?


A lot of it was an attempt to keep the spell from being overpowered actually. The -4 penalty is from the specific area to be touched in order for the spell to work(rather than just being able to hit the target anywhere and have it count as a hit). The saving rolls are probably still sloppy though. Are there any good "balance guidelines" anywhere to go by during spell/monster creation besides just using established spells and monsters as examples?

Still no clue whether or not the soulscreamers are balanced. They have that one big attack but they can only use it once. But then there's the vile damage(probably going to remove that)...

[anime713]

Onyx gems? bah! Be more original. I'd make it at least a finely crafted onyx blade, worth no less than 150 gp, since the spell is called "Hell's Guillotine."

To remedy the irregular mechanics, you might want to say " The target must succeed at a fortitude save or die as its head is ripped from its shoulders. The target recieves a +4 bonus to this save."

As to the save against the soul screamer's scream, what's it based on? And wouldn't most disembodied heads be tiny, not small? I'd make the bite attack do less damage, and the explosion do d6s of damage, not d10s. 5d6 vile and 3d6 fire would work. Also, there should probably be a reflex save for half, possibly with a -2 or -4 penalty for the intended target.

How would a party of adventurers ever encounter Soul screamers in the wild? How would you find a "flock" of them, if they immediately begin to seek out their target upon creation?

[Tilian]

As to the save against the soul screamer's scream, what's it based on? And wouldn't most disembodied heads be tiny, not small? I'd make the bite attack do less damage, and the explosion do d6s of damage, not d10s. 5d6 vile and 3d6 fire would work. Also, there should probably be a reflex save for half, possibly with a -2 or -4 penalty for the intended target.

How would a party of adventurers ever encounter Soul screamers in the wild? How would you find a "flock" of them, if they immediately begin to seek out their target upon creation?

The scream just requires a Will save for anyone within earshot of the thing(I need to look at rules for sound and hearing again...ARE there any?). The DC could probably be knocked down a notch I suppose.

The flock thing was a complete mistake that I forgot to delete as I was posting the original(the idea that all screamers created by one person blow up when he or she dies killed any possibilty of them running loose). They don't seek out targets immediately however, and can be stockpiled(provided you have a place to hide a bunch of constantly screaming heads) and told to go where their creator wants until there's a use for them. They are almost completely passive when not on the hunt, biting only at those that come within reach.

As for the size...I blame the Vargoilles for setting me up. ;)

[CabbageTheif]

CR 4 for the screamers? even three? i think thats too low.

the reason is because of the damage. even with the d6 like suggesed above, 5 d6 at max would do 30 damage. tell me of one 3 or 4 level character with that much hp. and by one, i mean normally. its possible for 4th level to have high enough con and good enough rolls could be up there. but its still iffy, and is too easily a one hit KO.

unless you are that kind of a DM ;D ;) ::evil chuckle::