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Leliel
2009-06-20, 12:09 PM
1. NASA would give actual military training, on the basis of evil alien star gods.

2. Nerds would be as equally datable as jocks, beacuse magic is hot.

3. There would be a "Protect The Far Realm" movement, mainly due to the influence of mind flayers.

4. There would be 6 branches to the US. Armed Forces: Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Coast Guard, and Planar.

5. Shadowrun would be the basis for all cyberpunk fiction.

...So, this is a humor thread, just to see what the forum thinks what would happen if the modern world ran on a D&D setting...and everyone knows it does.

To prevent natter, assume that the "detect alignment" spells don't exist.

quick_comment
2009-06-20, 12:14 PM
6) Lightning trains? Hell yes

7) School would be accomplished by mindrape traps. You run over the trap, and BAM! You know everything you need to know.

8) The military would carry enervation guns.

9) The president would have guards, not to prevent assassination, but to prevent a MDJ + magic jar attempt.

10) The rangers instead of being paratroppers would be gishes that use scry and die.

11) Also, Tippy would run the world.

Haven
2009-06-20, 12:14 PM
To prevent natter, assume that the "detect alignment" spells don't exist.

Thank you so much.

iPods would be played 24/7 at work or pretty much anywhere, because they'd be filled with songs that give you a +2 bonus to whatever you're doing.

Flickerdart
2009-06-20, 12:51 PM
12) There would be a lot more griping about balance.

J.Gellert
2009-06-20, 01:04 PM
13) Everyone would be a lot more polite on the streets. You wouldn't know if the driver of the car you just bumped is a level 17 frenzied berserker.

woodenbandman
2009-06-20, 01:15 PM
14) The death penalty would be used much more often. Truly horrible crimes like mind domination and extended physical and psychological torture would be punished by mythological tortures such as the guy whose liver was eaten every day for eternity, or being forced to hold the weight of the world on their shoulders.

hewhosaysfish
2009-06-20, 01:23 PM
13 or 14)15) All cities would be build in a grid layout, because everything exists in 5' increments.

Zeta Kai
2009-06-20, 01:23 PM
16) Wrestling would not exist, because nobody would understand how to grapple. :smallamused:

Quietus
2009-06-20, 01:29 PM
Old people would be some of the smartest, most perceptive, and prettiest people in existence.

DSCrankshaw
2009-06-20, 01:37 PM
18) The Osama bin Laden quest would have been completed years ago. Seriously, bad guy in a cave somewhere with a big reward on his head would have high level adventurers salivating.

annoyinglizardv
2009-06-20, 01:59 PM
19. Workers rights would improve as employers know that they risk being killed for the loot and exp needed for ill-treated employees to start new busnesses etc.

20. Doctors will have to give sick-notes for mummy-rot.

Quietus
2009-06-20, 02:03 PM
18) The Osama bin Laden quest would have been completed years ago. Seriously, bad guy in a cave somewhere with a big reward on his head would have high level adventurers salivating.

Hah, so true. Put a million dollars on his head, or whatever, and SOME high level Wizard out there's gonna pull out his scrying mirror..

Lamech
2009-06-20, 02:13 PM
21) Terrorists would have nukes from major creation.
22) Colleges would involve beating stuff up.
23) Pun-pun
24) Religious debates would be settled by flame striking.
25) Everyone would get massive amounts of role-play xp from everything.

Bookworm702
2009-06-20, 02:15 PM
21) There would be no more atheists. "You don't believe in Pelor? Eat Searing Light!!!"

Foryn Gilnith
2009-06-20, 02:22 PM
It depends on how liberally you interpret the permission on clerics of a cause...you could have doctors praying to Science (or maybe even Atheism) every morning to get their cure spells.

Xenre
2009-06-20, 02:25 PM
26) St. Cuthbert would quickly and easily replace Jesus. Christians don't use maces as their holy symbols.
27) Hostage negotiations would be over a lot faster. Charm Person anyone.
28) The Presidential Race would be an arena slaugherfest that would be the one event that makes CNN, MSNBC, CSPAN and ESPN the most watched networks for three months, every four years.

Randel
2009-06-20, 03:05 PM
29) Politicians would put their highest ability score into charisma and dump intelligence.

30) All economic problems would be solved by killing lots of dangerous wild animals.

31) Everybody would be investing in gold since... well all the coins in the world are made out of gold now.

32) The biggest conflict in the world would be between the 3.5ers and the 4th edition revolutionaries. Older editions are only used by a minority of people.

33) The church would have a monopoly on healing powers. Until doctors just say they are motivated to healing people and do it anyway. There will be much pointless animosity about this.

Overlord Nicy
2009-06-20, 03:10 PM
34. We'd have a bunch of people pissed off because they were born as commoners.

wootage
2009-06-20, 03:16 PM
29) Politicians would put their highest ability score into charisma and dump intelligence.


Umm, how is this different from now? :D

J.Gellert
2009-06-20, 03:29 PM
35) The Cold War wouldn't be a race for the most powerful nuclear weapons, but a race for the highest-level characters.

quick_comment
2009-06-20, 05:11 PM
35) The Cold War wouldn't be a race for the most powerful nuclear weapons, but a race for the highest-level characters.

It would involve special forces teams searching for the legendary sarrukh

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-06-20, 05:16 PM
34. We'd have a bunch of people pissed off because they were born as commoners.

Rail guns.

Leliel
2009-06-21, 02:41 AM
36: There would be no purely ideologically-based holy wars, on the basis that the gods would physically appear to tell everyone to shut up.

37: There would be holy wars based on purely practical reasons, on the basis that no one but the clergy of Venca is going to want to live next to the clergy of Venca.

chiasaur11
2009-06-21, 02:50 AM
Kobolds would rule the earth.

Unless we're talking early doglike kobolds, who would be stopped by a brilliant series of tactical distractions. By which I mean squirrels.

ZeroNumerous
2009-06-21, 03:28 AM
38: Everyone would already be dead due to Anti-Osmium Bombs, Locate City Bombs, Gating in Solars and forgetting to Mindrape them...

39: It wouldn't matter anyway since there are no rules for being dead.

JeminiZero
2009-06-21, 03:44 AM
40. On the upside, any disability that isn't inborn can now be cured.

41. By sheer virtue of his number of HD from levels in Expert, venerable Einstein would actually be tougher than a college jock.

42. Humans can cross-breed with everything. No, you don't want to know where the anthropomorphic bats came from.

The_Werebear
2009-06-21, 03:57 AM
43. There would be debates about Sulpher and Bat Guano control, eventually resulting in a waiting period before being able to purchase it. Also, no one would be allowed to have any within Long spell distance range of an elementary school.

44. Everyone and their grandmother would take a rank or two of UMD or some sort of minor spellcasting ability. This would be equivalent to having enough technological knowledge to do a basic diagnostic of a computer or minor maintenance on cars or other mechanical items.

45. Flowing robes would be back in style.

46. In addition to metal detectors at airports (carpet ports? Tele-ports?) there would be detect magic scans for auras. The line would still be held up forever because some moron would forget he used prestidigitation to get a coffee stain off his tie and never turned it off.

47. Sexual harrasment via Mage Hand becomes commonplace.

48. All bars are known as Taverns.

49. Everyone would fear hobos. Sure, they might just be homeless everyday joes. Or, they might be high powered adventurers saving a few copper by sleeping in the park. And you know they would be dying for someone to try to start something with them.

50. Higher reliance on Mercenaries. If you can count on a ragtag band of five itinerant dudes to take care of most any threat the world can muster, the habit of hiring solutions to problems will form.

51. People will have less elaborate grave ceremonies. Putting someone in any sort of tomb is just begging for adventurers to come and loot it.

52. Lichdom becomes popular among the wealthy who can afford to have someone craft a phylactery and perform the rituals on them.

53. World power balance shifts to a more even footing. If all you need is a five man band of plucky heroes, even small, low population countries stand a better chance of winning wars and gain more influence on the geopolitical scale.

54. All whales are eaten by Kraken, Aboleths, and Shauguin. Greenpeace cries.

55. Pat Robertson punched out by an exasperated Solar.

Oslecamo
2009-06-21, 06:35 AM
56-The world would be torn apart when the supreme government of the coast decided to implement the new economical-political system known as "forth edition" to try to get total control of the population by massive standardization, but a suprising number of people resist and keep using the old economical system, heavily modifying it to their own tastes.

57-There's an urban rumor on how the world is actually controled by a mysterious dude behind a piece of cardboard. Anyone who digs too deep on it disapears. Government doesn't comment.

Kobold-Bard
2009-06-21, 06:38 AM
58. Cure Spells would drop medical school fees significantly.

59. The world would restart every few days as some new d!ck becomes Pun-Pun The CXCVII.

60. Wars would be decided by which side's Wizard's won initiative.

61. High school would have a massive black market of Fox's Cunning potions for exam time.

62. All competitive events would require a team of Dispellers before it could begin (the Olympics would go on for months).

J.Gellert
2009-06-21, 07:12 AM
63. No one would worry about anything anymore, because life throws you nothing that you can't handle.

"Is that all? I can take three more of this sort of thing a day!"

Haven
2009-06-21, 07:25 AM
55. Pat Robertson punched out by an exasperated Solar.

Fund it.

64. One in every 20 times anyone tries to do anything, they screw up spectacularly.

mistformsquirrl
2009-06-21, 07:30 AM
35) The Cold War wouldn't be a race for the most powerful nuclear weapons, but a race for the highest-level characters.

And here I was thinking "Involved gratuitous use of Cone of Cold and Icestorm"

>.>

Malacode
2009-06-21, 08:09 AM
63. No one would worry about anything anymore, because life throws you nothing that you can't handle.

"Is that all? I can take three more of this sort of thing a day!"

Quote for, well, awesomeness. Have a cookie.

Nintendo and Square Enix would be bankrupt, along with every other producer of videogames. Who would pay to do something in a virtual world, when they they can do it real life?

Eldariel
2009-06-21, 08:12 AM
Quote for, well, awesomeness. Have a cookie.

Nintendo and Square Enix would be bankrupt, along with every other producer of videogames. Who would pay to do something in a virtual world, when they they can do it real life?

Wait, isn't that what Video Games are already to start with? Think Sims, the most popular video game ever... Or hell, this somewhat popular TV format called "reality TV"... If anything, that'd make games more popular than ever!

Oh, and we'd have games that don't have magic, something completely unthinkable, and images of what world would be like without it. Someone would be making a thread like this and everyone would be chuckling. "Yeah, right - no magic? How do you think we'd survive our laundry without going mad then?"

Androgeus
2009-06-21, 08:50 AM
being forced to hold the weight of the world on their shoulders.

damn atlases and their incorrect graphics of atlas' punishment (he was forced to hold up the sky not the world).

Foryn Gilnith
2009-06-21, 10:55 AM
Judging from how some people have interpreted the premise, Real Life's DM would suck...

Roland St. Jude
2009-06-21, 11:15 AM
Sheriff of Moddingham: This is more Silly Message Board Game than Roleplaying discussion. Also, as some of the posts have demonstrated, this topic is going to unavoidably stray into off-limits topics like real world religion and politics. Thread locked.