I don't know what to do...

[Moff Chumley]

Problems. Here are my problems.
1) Paranoia. I don't know who likes me, who's humoring me, who's being sarcastic, and who has just as many problems as me. I know I'm paranoid. I still don't know how to deal with it, and it's tearing my appart. I don't trust my family, my friends, or even you guys.
2) I hate myself for it: the paranoia and the innability to do anything about it. That's tearing me appart as well.
3) I need to be alone. My family doesn't understand this, and I don't understand it. I don't know how to convey to them that this isn't what I want, it's what I need. Breakdowns ensue otherwise, and that's not fun for anyone.
4) I need to be around people. LCD Soundsystem said it best: "You spend the first five years trying to get with the plan, and the next five years trying to be with your friends again. You drop the next ten years just as fast as you can, and the next ten people who try to be polite. And you think over, and over, where are your friends tonight, where are your friends tonight, where are your friends tonight? If I could be with my friends tonight, if I could be with my friends tonight, if I could be with my friends tonight..."

I'm so lonely, but I'm afraid of being around people. Where are my friends tonight?

[Anuan]

I'm so lonely, but I'm afraid of being around people. Where are my friends tonight?

Friend number one, reporting in.
*hugs*

[xPANCAKEx]

seek professional help

these kind of issues with paranoia can't be delt with by strangers on a board (well, not very well at least) - a mental healthcare professional will be able to help you through the process of dealing with things

[Moff Chumley]

seek professional help

these kind of issues with paranoia can't be delt with by strangers on a board (well, not very well at least) - a mental healthcare professional will be able to help you through the process of dealing with things

I'm seeing two, gulping seven pills a day, and it's having no effect whatsoever.

And paranoia is one of my lesser problems, but the other ones are a little presonal for this board.

[Thajocoth]

Problems. Here are my problems.
1) Paranoia. I don't know who likes me, who's humoring me, who's being sarcastic, and who has just as many problems as me. I know I'm paranoid. I still don't know how to deal with it, and it's tearing my appart. I don't trust my family, my friends, or even you guys.

I can answer the "who has as many problems as me" part for you easily.

Everyone.

People just get really good at hiding their problems, especially from themselves, and that's dangerous. Sanity is knowing your own mental imperfections, and it sounds like you do.

I recommend a psychologist in your specific case as you need to talk to somebody about it and with a trust-based issue, it's pretty hard to do that with anyone else. Most of what a psychologist does is listen, being sworn not to repeat anything you tell them under penalty of law. A psychiatrist, however, is not what you need. They prescribe mental medication, and it doesn't sound like you're actually insane.

[DamnedIrishman]

1) Paranoia. I don't know who likes me, who's humoring me, who's being sarcastic, and who has just as many problems as me. I know I'm paranoid. I still don't know how to deal with it, and it's tearing my appart. I don't trust my family, my friends, or even you guys.


We all have our problems, and though they may be great or small they all occupy our minds the same about. There's nothing wrong with having problems: in fact, the very fact that you regonise you have one is good. So many people spend all their time worried and anxious and they don't know why.
You know why. And if you can regonise a problem, you can face it.
So tell me: why would we or your friends lie to you? What is it about you that makes you think we would?



2) I hate myself for it: the paranoia and the innability to do anything about it. That's tearing me appart as well.


You're not unable to do anything. But it's hard, and it takes a very long time. But you've already done one of the hardest things to do.
Never be ashamed. Never let it tear you apart. You can do something about it. You are doing something about it.



3) I need to be alone. My family doesn't understand this, and I don't understand it. I don't know how to convey to them that this isn't what I want, it's what I need. Breakdowns ensue otherwise, and that's not fun for anyone.


People tend to react to other people's upset by providing what they'd want if they felt like that. If it's difficult to talk and explain to them you feel you need to be alone, then try writing a letter to them instead of speaking.



I'm so lonely, but I'm afraid of being around people. Where are my friends tonight?

Who do you trust to be around?

[Eon]

I'd be your friend.

[SoD]

I'd be your friend as well. Sharing that feeling of paranoia, we'd get along like a house on fire. Whenever my girlfriend wants to meet up for a 'little bit' or 'go grab some coffee' or whenever I hear her say she 'wants to talk to me' my first thought is always 'oh, please don't say you want to break up with me!'. If you were to watch me walk down the street, you'd see me constantly looking over my shoulder to see if anyone's following me. Whenever a car follows mine for more than two corners, I start feeling nervous. Police make me nervous whenever they're nearby. I feel like I'm going to be kicked out of anywhere I go, and I've got a feeling deep down that people don't actually like me. My solution; ingnore it. I know it's my paranoia, and it's useless listening to it.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Moff, you like Prog, right?
>>
Because I totally just got into Prog rock recently.

Anyways, as everyone else has said, everybody has problems. We are all messed up.
We are all broken.
This paranoia you speak of sounds a bit like something my ex went through before he met me. Hell, maybe even after he met me.
He decided, one day, that everyone was faking everything. That everyone could pretend to be these happy people, and he was the only one who was too stupid to manage it.
Everyone else knew about it except him, and they all laughed about him when he wasn't around.
And then he decided he would fake it all, too.

If you're going to therapists and they're not helping, dump them. Keep looking for one that will work with you and make you not only feel like you're making progress, but that you know is helping you do so.
If the drugs aren't working, get rid of them.
Keep trying.
You're halfway there. You know the problem.
You have to keep trying.

[Elminster1]

I don't have any useful advice, but I'll be your friend. To me, people who are friends, prove themselves to be friends over time. I think trust sometimes is about letting go, and life just happening as it comes. Don't know if that helped or not. :smallsmile:

[Zain]

seek suportive people that will be nice to you, i.e me, aand people on this board are they nice to others

D&D* nerds tend to sick together!

(replace D&D with your rpg/wargame of choice

[Thajocoth]

I'm seeing two, gulping seven pills a day, and it's having no effect whatsoever.

And paranoia is one of my lesser problems, but the other ones are a little presonal for this board.

You should let them know the pills aren't working. Psychiatrists prescribe medication so when you see them, they kinda assume you're looking for a prescription. Most people who see psychiatrists really should be seeing psychologists...

-----


People tend to react to other people's upset by providing what they'd want if they felt like that. If it's difficult to talk and explain to them you feel you need to be alone, then try writing a letter to them instead of speaking.

Not just people... One time when my mom was crying, the dog brought her his chew-toy to try to cheer her up. It worked too, because it made her laugh.

[Moff Chumley]

Thanks, guys. In part, the paranoia is fuelled by the fact that a very long tiem firend verifyably DOESN'T like me, and I'm afraid the case is similar with other people as well...

And, for the record, I'm seeing a psycholoist and a psychiatrist. The meds help a little, and talking has helped me immensly.

@Zain: Music geeks ftw!
@Elmisnter: Thanks. :smallsmile:
@Rabbit: Prog, **** yah. And what your boyfriend went through sounds a lot like me...
@SoD: Doin' my best, that's probably the only solid thing I CAN do...
@Irishman: Thanks so much. I nominate you as the second coming of Bor. (Or third or fourth, I don't exactly frequent this side of FB...)

[RabbitHoleLost]

Hehe. And it was the ex boyfriend who got me into Prog, too. :smallwink:
He also introduced me to avant rock, but lets not go there.

Anyways, I'm glad the medication is helping a little bit, but if that paranoia strikes again, just remember a lot of people are genuinely honest, and aren't faking. If they don't like you, they'll make it known, most of the time.
And if they don't like you or pretend to, screw them. You're a person, and as a person, you deserve better than that.

[BizzaroStormy]

I'm seeing two, gulping seven pills a day, and it's having no effect whatsoever.

And paranoia is one of my lesser problems, but the other ones are a little presonal for this board.

I'll tell ya right now that pills aren't going to solve the problem, they might help but in the long run you'll just become dependent on them.

I kinda know what you mean by wanting to be around people but not be around people. What I do is hang around a lot with one of my more social friends. His friends eventually become my friends(except for a couple who i can't stand) which was a major confidence booster.

As for the paranoia the only advice I can offer is to take life as it comes but always be ready for what it throws at you. Don't avoid outings and such just because of fear that something will happen. Just prepare yourself in case something does happen.

[TheThan]

Personally I don’t think that popping pills solves problems. But then again there are people that need to be on certain drugs for their own (and others) safety. So what do I know?

Anyway I find that a lot of problems people have are directly linked to their soul. So what I suggest you do is seek out a good Christian priest and talk to him about your problems. He (or she nowadays) will be more than willing to listen and offer what help he can. If he doesn’t or isn’t willing to listen, then he isn’t a good priest, and you probably ought to just keep looking. (Sad but true).

[Kyouhen]

Y'know, I'm not sure which surprises me more. The fact that in a thread like this someone actually recommended seeing a priest instead of a psychologist (something that really should be seen as a possible alternative) or the fact that it didn't lead to a massive flame war/debate/etc. :smalltongue:

Anyway, back on topic, remember that the 'friend' who decided they never really liked you is the exception not the rule. Most people wouldn't put up with the effort it takes to hang around someone they don't like for extended periods of time. To help ease your mind you can try thinking about the times your other friends did things that they could only have done out of friendship. Giving (not lending) a dollar or two so you could get a snack when you're hungry, helping you out with your homework, any little thing counts. If they really hated you would they do such things?

In the event the friend who turned out to not like you did things like that (what the hell is wrong with that person? :smallconfused:) try to remember things that might have tipped you off to that. Learn from what happened. If you see that type of behaviour in your older friends though just remember that this guy was only one example and not enough to build a solid pattern from, but if for some strange reason it happens again you'll be able to start recognizing who's going to pull that stunt and be able to avoid them better.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Moff, you say this paranoia is a "small" problem, but it's obviously large enough for you to make a thread about it. That, alone, speaks volumes.

While I am all for medications that aid people when it comes to mental illness, there reaches a point where they can overlap and cause conflict. Meds these days can have multiple effects, and another pill can negate the one effect that you're expecting from another. THIS IS SOMETHING YOU NEED TO DISCUSS WITH YOUR PRESCRIBING DOCTOR! If you can't remember it at the time of your visits, write yourself a note so you can be sure to bring it up. If a note won't help, bring along a trusted friend or family member that can act as a reminder for you. They need not sit in on the entire session; just have them stay long enough to bring up your concerns.

Mental illness is the hardest of all for people to understand. It's not like you can hold up lab results and say, "See? These particular levels are out of whack." You can't point to an x-ray and say, "See? That's what's broken." For the sake of your own sanity, you need to speak openly to others about your issues, and pray they come to a degree of understanding.

I understand to my own extent the idea of wanting to be left alone, but wanting company. It's a terrible conflict that is difficult to cope with. It's up to you to fight the emotions and calmly tell people when it's time to leave you to your own devices. And when folks come along to check up on you, be sure to let them know you appreciate their concern, but you'll seek the company when you're up to handling it.

As has been suggested, you need someone professional to talk to, be they of a religious ilk or medically trained. The understanding of friends and family only extends so far; speaking to someone educated in giving such aid is the wisest route.

As for "the second coming of Bor"...While I appreciate the sentiment, it almost makes me sound like a savior of sorts, and I can't even save myself. It's the "final leaving of Bor" that's the greater issue these days. :smallfrown:

EDIT: It would seem that your friends tonight are right where you need them to be...here, giving you the love and concern your issues deserve.

[thubby]

Problems. Here are my problems.
1) Paranoia. I don't know who likes me, who's humoring me, who's being sarcastic, and who has just as many problems as me. I know I'm paranoid. I still don't know how to deal with it, and it's tearing my appart. I don't trust my family, my friends, or even you guys.

(under construction)



2) I hate myself for it: the paranoia and the innability to do anything about it. That's tearing me appart as well.

forgive yourself. you admit you have a problem and it does no one any good by beating yourself up for it.


3) I need to be alone. My family doesn't understand this, and I don't understand it. I don't know how to convey to them that this isn't what I want, it's what I need. Breakdowns ensue otherwise, and that's not fun for anyone.
i don't know your family, but blunt usually works across the board. generally assuring people that there isn't some undercurrent or outside reason is a good idea.
"i need to be alone, I'm ok, there's nothing wrong/bothering me, i just need to be alone"

you could also get a hobby. something you do by yourself


4) I need to be around people. LCD Soundsystem said it best: "You spend the first five years trying to get with the plan, and the next five years trying to be with your friends again. You drop the next ten years just as fast as you can, and the next ten people who try to be polite. And you think over, and over, where are your friends tonight, where are your friends tonight, where are your friends tonight? If I could be with my friends tonight, if I could be with my friends tonight, if I could be with my friends tonight..."

I'm so lonely, but I'm afraid of being around people. Where are my friends tonight?

so you want to be with people, but need a certain amount of alone time. or do you want to be alone and with someone at the same time?

[ghost_warlock]

Not just people... One time when my mom was crying, the dog brought her his chew-toy to try to cheer her up. It worked too, because it made her laugh.

Yes, animals are awesome. (http://www.cdc.gov/HEALTHYPETS/health_benefits.htm) :smallsmile:

[DamnedIrishman]

As for "the second coming of Bor"...While I appreciate the sentiment, it almost makes me sound like a savior of sorts, and I can't even save myself. It's the "final leaving of Bor" that's the greater issue these days. :smallfrown:


Nobody can save themselves. That's why everyone is here to save each other.
Although, sometimes, it's trying to save others that saves oneself.

[smellie_hippie]

Moff, it looks like you have a fairly strong support system in place right here. There are times that your friends are exactly the people you need to be talking to. :smallsmile:

As for the professionals involved. Talk to your psychiatrist. Talk about your side effects and your concern that the current medications are not working for you. Seeing two therapists??:smallconfused: Not exactly the best idea, because what if they give you different directives or encouragements? Find the therapist that better suits your needs and comfort level and try to be more open with him/her.

I also realize that your history of paranoia will make it diffciult to know which choice is the right choice. The repair for this condition (paralyzation through over-analyzation) is to simply make one small change. If this change results in a positive result, then it was helpful for you to make. Better yet... it was a decision that you made that yeilded positive results! If however it was a poor chocie, take it back and go a different direction.

[Moff Chumley]

For the record, I've been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. So there's that. And I was extremely careful to make sure that my meds a) have no side effects and b) have no withdrawel symptoms.

Also, it helps that my two therapists have offices nextdoor to eachother, are good friends, and compare notes at least once a month...

Again, thanks, guys. :smallsmile: While I have no plans on talking with a priest (I find it hard to talk to someone who thinks I'm going to hell), I'll try to find someone of the sort to speak with.

And Bor... DON'T LEAVE!!

[DamnedIrishman]

Again, thanks, guys. :smallsmile: While I have no plans on talking with a priest (I find it hard to talk to someone who thinks I'm going to hell), I'll try to find someone of the sort to speak with.

You might try calling The Samaritans (http://www.samaritans.org/) or your national equivalent. Despite the connotations of the name, they're a completely secular organisations who will just talk with you, free from any form of judgement or coercion to do certain things, whenever you like for as long as you like.


Samaritans provides confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide.

Whatever you're going through, whether it's big or small, don't bottle it up. We are here for you if you're worried about something, feel upset or confused, or just want to talk to someone.


If you don't want to call them, they'll also email you if you want. (http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone/email.aspx)

[Moff Chumley]

Thanks, I'll look into that. :smallsmile:

[Recaiden]

Well, it sounds like our advice about the pills isn't going to help much, since it's that coordinated.
Don't blame yourself over this. It's not your fault, especially since you have an actual, diagnosed disorder.
And I just want to add one more reminder that people aren't out to get you. Not everyone will like you, but there are people that do.



As for "the second coming of Bor"...While I appreciate the sentiment, it almost makes me sound like a savior of sorts, and I can't even save myself. It's the "final leaving of Bor" that's the greater issue these days. :smallfrown:

You mean, sound like the truth? Don't you think of leaving, metaphorically or literally.