View Full Version : New Gnomish Subrace

2005-07-22, 01:46 AM
Polka Gnomes:
WIS -2 CHA +2
Preferred Class: Bard

Racial Abilities:
+2 Perform check (+4 if performing polka)
Can lick eyebrows (+2 to all diplomacy checks for seduction)
Impromptu Kickstand (+10 to endurance checks for standing for long periods)
Extended breathholding (only starts to check for drowning after 1 full turn)
Speed Polka (Diff 15- perform check allows bard song to be considered a half move)
Thrash Polka (Diff 25- successful check means bard song is free move, failure causes level 20 flame strike centered on polka gnome)
+4 to all CHA checks if wearing Leiderhosen

Languages: Common, Gnomish, Dwarf, Goblin, Orc, German

Polka Gnomes are the rarest of the gnomish breeds, found typically in mountain valleys practicing their favorite music. The Chosen of Welk, the Gnomish God of Polka, Polka Gnomes have master the musical aspects of their god so it has become second nature for them. You can usually spot a polka gnome village by the loud oompa music that is continually pouring from its town square. While not as hardy as their gnomish brethren, they are typically stronger from carrying all the tubas and accordions as their religion requires. Polka gnomes are known for their likability, and their total lack of any and all common sense. In short, they are the perfect bards.

Polka gnomes have created two additional forms of polka for their god. Welk demands frequent month long polka festivals in his honor. This tends to strain the polka gnomes' time for crop gathering and beer brewing. So they invented speed polka, which condenses the month long polka festival into only a week's time. The amount of music played is the same, just only a hell of a lot faster. Truly desperate polka gnomes have experimented with thrash polka, which allows for the entire month's quota of polka tunes to be condensed into a single day. This is extremely risky, for should the polka gnome misplay a single note, the results are frequently smoking piles of leiderhosen every where.

Polka gnomes are just now coming into their own in various fantasy worlds, and one day with replace their useless cousins with the sounds of tubas and accordions.

2005-07-22, 01:47 AM
Wrong area my little chikady,

2005-07-22, 01:49 AM
Considering this is probably more humor than gaming content, I placed it here.

2005-07-24, 09:55 PM
And yet, I feel a new character generation urge coming on...

Considering one partner on a quest was a sniper with a bow; he could remove the front left leg off a fly at 300 yards, an amazing feat for someone whose uncorrected fision was below 20/400...


2005-07-25, 01:19 AM
I hope you meant he has 20/400 vision. Fision tends to be very, very hot with lots of death and destruction.

2005-07-25, 01:31 AM
Hahahah, uncorrected vision would indeed remove flies legs at 400 yards.

A lot else, as well.

Ho ho ho ho!

Grey Watcher
2005-07-25, 01:41 AM
Considering this is probably more humor than gaming content, I placed it here.

There's nothing that says we can't have humor in the Gaming forum. And that's really where this belongs.

2005-07-25, 01:44 AM
Well that makes you a whole bunch better than some of the other forums I've tried to put this on. And a lot more tolerant. Sure beats Customs.

2005-07-25, 02:25 AM
Awesome! I'm going to use that!!
God, I love Gnomes. ::)

2005-07-27, 01:25 AM
I hope you meant he has 20/400 vision. Fision tends to be very, very hot with lots of death and destruction.

Well, mix sub-20/400 (anything below is off the scale) vision with an enchanted "Fireball" bolt/arrow, and you can have fusion. Forgat how it was described, ESP, great hearing, whatever, but the bonuses definitly outweighed lousy vision. Couldn't hit a cow with a milk bucket from inside the stall, but he was sharp with bows & crossbows. ;)
My Ranger, and Fuzzy the Bear, well THAT'S another story... ;D (Hint: In Spell Jammer, bears lured into and fired from large catapults make great distractions for boarding operations...

Zoraciel Ivtel
2007-11-11, 02:46 PM
I showed this to one of the players in the party I DM, and we're now making her a drow that was raised by polka gnomes.

Introducing her should be fun.:smallbiggrin: