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gnomas
2009-07-23, 12:37 PM
So imagine an archfiend controls a force of devils, demons, and other fiends. He needs a way for them to blow off steam, stay active, and pass the time.

Anyone have any ideas for a sport these fiends could play? Existing sports welcome, but I was thinking more like inventing something new.

GO!

Sir_Elderberry
2009-07-23, 12:56 PM
I believe that, in between rousing games of "kill each other for power", they enjoy "plot to kill each other for power".

HamsterOfTheGod
2009-07-23, 01:02 PM
I would just go with the usual, tests of skill or wrestling/fighting or hunting (intelligent creatures). Those can be made fiendish/cruel enough, for ex the PC has to wrestle the hell hound unarmed and unarmored on a platform surrounded by lava.

You could also do things like playing a game of rugby with a live ball like a humanoid or a lemure but then you have to make up/borrow game rules to handle a rugby game...

BRC
2009-07-23, 01:05 PM
I imagine Devils as really into Gambling events and Fiddle Contests.

Jergmo
2009-07-23, 01:06 PM
Lanternball. It's like football, but played with a Lantern Archon.

quick_comment
2009-07-23, 01:08 PM
They might release things like virgins, unicorns, children etc on a maze filled with dangers and bet on which ones survive the longest.

Maybe they play devil's poker, with esoteric and absurd rules.

Maybe they play aztec basketball (losing team is sacrificed)

No-rules MMA. And I really mean no rules. Poisoning your enemy when you shake his hand? Gating in other monsters? Bribing the ref? All good.

Jergmo
2009-07-23, 01:09 PM
They might also play a game of Risk or Monopoly!

arkol
2009-07-23, 01:10 PM
Seen Alien Vs Predator movie? It would be like that. :smallbiggrin:

PairO'Dice Lost
2009-07-23, 01:10 PM
An evil version of Calvinball. Two refs (one devil, one yugoloth) make and change the rules every few minutes, at the whims of the other ref (a demon); break a rule and you get tortured based on the rule you broke (i.e. if you perform an illegal pass through the half-court wall of ice, you get tossed through glaciers on Cania for a while).

Xefas
2009-07-23, 01:11 PM
In the 5th Layer of Hell, Stygia, there exists a stadium known as the Duelist's Chasm (Fiendish Codex II).

By submitting the proper paperwork, a Devil may obtain a License of Lawful Combat wherein they're allowed to fight other Devils that are not their direct subordinates or 9 ranks lower than they are.

See, normally, Devils aren't allowed to hurt each other. Every Devil is owned by a stronger Devil, so injuring some Devil that you don't own, even in some friendly barfight, is property damages against the Devil that owns the one you just hurt.

That said, if you're 9 ranks over somebody else (a Horned Devil is 9 ranks over a Bearded Devil, for example), you're allowed to do whatever you want to them, as they're essentially like micro-organisms you happen to murder while tying your shoes in the morning. Should a Pit Fiend really be held responsible for slaughtering a few hundred lowly menial laborers on his way to the office?

God, I love the Nine Hells.

Mr.Moron
2009-07-23, 01:14 PM
Hot Seat: This game is played with one human strapped to a chair or slab of stone. The players are provided with a box containing red-hot coals. After turn order is decided (methods vary), each player takes a turn taking one of the coals and place it on the human. The player to place the last coal on the human before he dies loses. They are provided with a new human and the game continues on to the next human in a simliar fashion. Evantually you get down to two players, the player that wins that final round is the overall winner of the game and gets to keep all the dead human bodies to feast upon.


Also, Fiendish Tetherball.. It works a lot like regular tetherball, only instead of a ball and a rope it's a person and their intestines.

quick_comment
2009-07-23, 01:18 PM
Ooh, i like hot seat.


Demon Operation - its like operation, except you really just tear organs out. There is no winner, its just a fun game.

Friendly Boxing - the Devils take souls of friends and comrades that they have for whatever reason and force them to fight each other. Winner gets a reprive from torture, loser goes to a deeper plane of the nine hells for even worse torture. If they refuse to fight, they both go lower (like the prisoner's dilemma)

Kylarra
2009-07-23, 01:19 PM
Baby seal clubbing

aivanther
2009-07-23, 01:27 PM
Mortal barbecues

Mortal dismembering

Anything that involves death and destruction

Ridureyu
2009-07-23, 01:32 PM
I second Monopoly.

Telonius
2009-07-23, 01:35 PM
D&D. Asmodeus is the DM.

EDIT: On second thought .... FATAL. :smalleek:

Xefas
2009-07-23, 01:39 PM
I second Monopoly.

Boooo, Monopoly.

I vote Settlers of Avernus (http://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/13).

"I just built a Burning Citadel of Lost Souls on a Maggot Pit. That means I can trade 3 Sheep for any resource!"

"Hold on a sec. I just need 1 more Wood to build another River of Mortal Damnation and get the Longest River of Mortal Damnation Victory Card. 'cmon, I've got Sheep for your Wood."

"Well I've got Wood for your Sheep."

"..."

"Lol, bestiality."

EDIT: (Actual dialogue taken from a weekend of "I forgot my D&D books, but Settlers of Catan is in the closet over there. Perhaps...hmmm...")

chiasaur11
2009-07-23, 01:40 PM
Cricket.

You thought a human could come up with rules that confusing?

The Rose Dragon
2009-07-23, 01:46 PM
Sports?

Screw it, they're going to play Mornington Crescent.

13_CBS
2009-07-23, 01:56 PM
I imagine Devils as really into...and Fiddle Contests.

To Asmodeus' eternal displeasure, Mephistopheles has yet to relinquish the Gold Fiddle in ten centuries (something about a song where Asmodeus takes a trip to the Prime Material, and then loses to some country kid in a violin contest...).

Jergmo
2009-07-23, 01:59 PM
To Asmodeus' eternal displeasure, Mephistopheles has yet to relinquish the Gold Fiddle in ten centuries (something about a song where Asmodeus takes a trip to the Prime Material, and then loses to some country kid in a violin contest...).

Eh, there isn't really a power struggle in Hell anymore, sadly, what with Asmodeus being a Greater deity now, and all. He can just slap around whoever he wants.

13_CBS
2009-07-23, 02:02 PM
Eh, there isn't really a power struggle in Hell anymore, sadly, what with Asmodeus being a Greater deity now, and all. He can just slap around whoever he wants.

Right, 4e...my cosmology's still stuck somewhere around 2e and 3.5e. Fiendish Codex II FTW!

herrhauptmann
2009-07-23, 02:03 PM
Racing.

Especially for the devils. I can easily imagine them keeping breeding books for a particular line of prize hellhounds or nightmares for milennia (sp?)

Maybe feed them a choice diet of souls. Like the gelding 'Trods the unlucky beneath his hooves' in the 2-3 century bracket is only fed the souls of the damned who failed a save vs death throw.
A week before each major race he is fed only the souls of those who died in the tomb of horrors without a saving throw of any sort.

PairO'Dice Lost
2009-07-23, 02:25 PM
Eh, there isn't really a power struggle in Hell anymore, sadly, what with Asmodeus being a Greater deity now, and all. He can just slap around whoever he wants.

To be fair, he was perfectly capable of slapping around anyone he wanted before, it's just that now people think "Crap, greater deity! I'm screwed" rather than "Ah, he's just an archdevil; how hard could deposing him be?"

Jergmo
2009-07-23, 02:36 PM
To be fair, he was perfectly capable of slapping around anyone he wanted before, it's just that now people think "Crap, greater deity! I'm screwed" rather than "Ah, he's just an archdevil; how hard could deposing him be?"

Well, it's gone from "If we get past our differences and work together, we could kill him" to "Well, it was nice knowing you guys." He wasn't precisely capable of slapping them around, as it was a stalemate for 1 vs 1.

Brauron
2009-07-23, 02:39 PM
Rugby.

Also, Headball. It's a lot like Soccer/non-American football, only instead of a ball, it's a severed head.

gnomas
2009-07-23, 02:44 PM
love the ideas guys! Love the betting on mortal peril and good ol' combat.

I am now extremely tempted to drop everything and invent strange new fantasy versions of Settlers of Catan.

Keld Denar
2009-07-23, 02:45 PM
I'd imagine something like the Rankor pit in Return of the Jedi would be popular, or the similar event in the movie Cone Heads. Some kind of death trap maze with a BIG NASTY creature, possibly imported from the Far Realm. Raiding teams of devils capture mortals and other goodly beings and place them in the maze "promising" them freedom of they can survive a certain amount of time or slay the BIG NASTY creature. Events are highly visible to watchers via magical scrying screens with instant replay slow motion to savor the really good blood spray patterns and "ringside" seats are reserved for powerful Devils who like their sport so interactive that they nickname the section the "splash zone". Bookie Devils (like Horned Devils, but smarter and meaner) take bets and set odds, with wagers being made in everything from mundane cash to magic items to mortal souls and lesser Devils.

chiasaur11
2009-07-23, 02:47 PM
Rugby.

Also, Headball. It's a lot like Soccer/non-American football, only instead of a ball, it's a severed head.

Like in "Swamp Thing"?

Jergmo
2009-07-23, 02:48 PM
I'd imagine something like the Rankor pit in Return of the Jedi would be popular, or the similar event in the movie Cone Heads. Some kind of death trap maze with a BIG NASTY creature, possibly imported from the Far Realm. Raiding teams of devils capture mortals and other goodly beings and place them in the maze "promising" them freedom of they can survive a certain amount of time or slay the BIG NASTY creature. Events are highly visible to watchers via magical scrying screens with instant replay slow motion to savor the really good blood spray patterns and "ringside" seats are reserved for powerful Devils who like their sport so interactive that they nickname the section the "splash zone". Bookie Devils (like Horned Devils, but smarter and meaner) take bets and set odds, with wagers being made in everything from mundane cash to magic items to mortal souls and lesser Devils.

http://cmsweb1.loudoun.k12.va.us/50912581695951/lib/50912581695951/garthok2_jpg.jpg

You must NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

arguskos
2009-07-23, 02:51 PM
Cricket.

You thought a human could come up with rules that confusing?
5th Dimensional Brockian Ultra Cricket!!

Also, I'm really liking Hot Seat above, it's too damn hilarious.

Coidzor
2009-07-23, 02:53 PM
Headball's always nice. Soccer/Fooseball using severed heads of whatever's handy.

Hmm. I imagine they like putting on mock-trials to torment each other and the souls they have around.

Chess probably amongst the more intellectual fiends, where it's more of the headgame than the actual game.

Edit: Nah. More like some kind of chess surrogate which is more infinitely complicated and possibly mildly "psionic"

oooo! And Gnome Ball! :smallamused:

Xefas
2009-07-23, 02:54 PM
Bookie Devils (like Horned Devils, but smarter and meaner) take bets and set odds, with wagers being made in everything from mundane cash to magic items to mortal souls and lesser Devils.

I think Amnizu bookies would be kind of awesome. They can deal intelligence damage with a touch, so the longer you deal with them, the stupider and stupider your bets start to get, as they brush up against you or clap a consoling hand on your shoulder while telling you you'll have better luck next time. Which you won't, because you're making bets with an Int score of 2.



Edit: Nah. More like some kind of chess surrogate which is more infinitely complicated and possibly mildly "psionic"

You mean Go? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_(game))

Keld Denar
2009-07-23, 02:56 PM
Chess probably amongst the more intellectual fiends, where it's more of the headgame than the actual game.

How about Chess using real people, or perhaps lesser Devils, as pieces? Puts a whole new meaning to the term "pawn"...

Coidzor
2009-07-23, 02:58 PM
You mean Go? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_(game))

I dunno. Considering that Paladins know the game, it can't be too evil...

Xefas
2009-07-23, 03:00 PM
I dunno. Considering that Paladins know the game, it can't be too evil...

I don't recall you saying it needed to be evil. Just infinitely more complicated and mildly psionic.

As an aside, Tiamat and her fiendish brood probably play Xorvintaal. I forget which Monster Manual that's in, but its basically the Dragons Using The Real World As a Board Game...game.

herrhauptmann
2009-07-23, 03:24 PM
I don't recall you saying it needed to be evil. Just infinitely more complicated and mildly psionic.

As an aside, Tiamat and her fiendish brood probably play Xorvintaal. I forget which Monster Manual that's in, but its basically the Dragons Using The Real World As a Board Game...game.

Sounds like the Lady Penitent trilogy, where Loth and Eilistraee play Sava (basically chess) with the planes.


Planar scavenger hunts? Put mixed devil races in each team. So no team is all imps, or all pit fiends.
Item 235: a living feebleminded wizard who failed the save against his own spellreflected Feeblemind. Ok...
Item 236: A level 20 paladin who doesn't have a stick lodged up his butt. Uh-oh...
Item 237: Chaotic good drow warrior who yearns to throw off the evil reputation of his vile kin.

Baron Malkar
2009-07-23, 03:32 PM
I imagine an evil version of Go being like drinking Go only with mortal souls.:smalltongue:

Tiki Snakes
2009-07-23, 03:53 PM
Wait, it's an organisation with Devils AND Fiends.

The Rancor Pit/death maze is nearly there, but really, are the demons going to care about betting, and who wins?

Why bother porting in horrors from the Far Realms, either.

You have the dread maze, with viewing orbs built into it throughout, so that every corner of the maze can be scried on, by the assembled Gambling Devils (Who, of course, accompany the entertainment with Fiddle Playing. Natch!)

Mortals running the maze must evade, slay, outwit or generally survive against the Demons of the organisation. Because what the Demons are interested in is death, destruction and disembowlment. Being as they are, it's probably a competition between the demons as well, to see who can both kill the most mortals and do so in the cruelest and most inventive ways.

The devils can bet on all of the above, (Who escapes, who dies. How they die, to who, which demon gets most kills, most gruesome, whether any demons will turn on each other or be slain by particularly plucky Mortals and whether or not various of the other devils will win or lose their bet/s)
Of course, the Devils would likely ensure that there WAS a way to survive the maze, possibly even returning anyone lucky enough to actually make it through to the mortal plane.
Because fair's fair, if they DO manage to get through, they'll uphold their end of the bargain. And after all, it was all just a bit of fun, right? ^_^

This way, the devils get their kicks, the demons get their jollies, and they get to help each other let of steam, without really risking things devolving into a miniature blood-war. :)

JellyPooga
2009-07-23, 04:30 PM
Deathball (http://www.heresyminiatures.com/deathball.htm)
Blah Blah Blah

chiasaur11
2009-07-23, 04:47 PM
Deathball (http://www.heresyminiatures.com/deathball.htm)
Blah Blah Blah

What about Griffball?

Ganging up on one helpless sap seems in character.

Brauron
2009-07-23, 05:26 PM
Like in "Swamp Thing"?

Where in Swamp Thing did that take place, out of curiosity? I'm something of a fan of Swampy, haven't been able to get my hands on a lot of the comics though, and I don't recall that in either of the movies...

chiasaur11
2009-07-23, 05:58 PM
Where in Swamp Thing did that take place, out of curiosity? I'm something of a fan of Swampy, haven't been able to get my hands on a lot of the comics though, and I don't recall that in either of the movies...

One of the Alan Moore issues.

Late in the run. Can't say the exact number off the top of my head.

quick_comment
2009-07-23, 06:43 PM
Each Demon gets a human and a rack. The one who stretches the human the most before he dies (final length/initial length) is the winner

AslanCross
2009-07-23, 06:53 PM
Calvinball, except it has an extra rule: Every rule you come up with must involve the torture and/or death of your opponent.

Devils are rules lawyers, and demons don't like rules. I wonder what the results would be like.

chiasaur11
2009-07-23, 06:55 PM
Calvinball, except it has an extra rule: Every rule you come up with must involve the torture and/or death of your opponent.

Devils are rules lawyers, and demons don't like rules. I wonder what the results would be like.

Violent and painful.

Bit of a gimmee.

RagnaroksChosen
2009-07-23, 07:50 PM
Soccer, because out side of Mass genocide its one of the most exhausting activity one can engage in.

PairO'Dice Lost
2009-07-23, 10:07 PM
Calvinball, except it has an extra rule: Every rule you come up with must involve the torture and/or death of your opponent.

Devils are rules lawyers, and demons don't like rules. I wonder what the results would be like.

Hey! I already mentioned Calvinball in post #9!

Can I make up a rule requiring copycats on this forum to be tortured and/or killed now?

Captain Six
2009-07-24, 12:12 AM
My evil, fiend worshiping (and eventual fiend) warlock occasionally made reference to "Teh Vecna's Extreme Lava Battle Cribbage". I never actually made up what it was though I imagined a board like a cribbage board, except it had slaves for holes and spears for pegs. And it probably used cards forged from the physical extraction of pain itself.

Thrawn183
2009-07-24, 03:57 AM
Eyeball Juggling.
Speed Disections.
Spleen Shooting.
Soccer in Latin America.

Killer Angel
2009-07-24, 04:15 AM
They play poker. Here's the proof (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0585.html).

AslanCross
2009-07-24, 04:59 AM
Hey! I already mentioned Calvinball in post #9!

Can I make up a rule requiring copycats on this forum to be tortured and/or killed now?

I Ctrl+Fed to make sure no one had mentioned it already. Alas, technology fails me again. ._.

Yrcrazypa
2009-07-24, 08:57 AM
Gnomeball, in which the ball is a gnome. Though they will probably go through many balls (gnomes) in every round. The rules? Hell, who needs rules when you have a gnome to maim?

Ormur
2009-07-24, 09:29 AM
I once read a Sci-Fi story where the brains of criminals were transplanted to some race animals and then they raced, with people betting on the winner.

I'm sure you could do that in D&D with some sort of magic only with the brains of good sentients and then have them ridden by devils jockeys. Or you could do it with already sentient steeds like Unicorns. To encourage them they'd be chased by some abominable fire beasts and only the winner would survive, until next time.

JellyPooga
2009-07-24, 09:59 AM
I once read a Sci-Fi story where the brains of criminals were transplanted to some race animals and then they raced, with people betting on the winner.

Against a Dark Background by Iain Banks.