I'm too shy

[Eon]

I'm also too shy to do anything... I don't hang out with friends much, I try to figure out stuff instead of asking others... etc
I think the only place I'm not shy is over the internet...


Does anyone else have this problem or have some hints on how to overcome it?

[Tiger Duck]

I have that but I don't consider it a problem.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Goooo to a meet-up.:smalltongue:

Mainly talking to Captain Happy, though, since he's from Belgium and depending on where CH lives, it might not be that far away.
See sig for link.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

More often than not, the reason for being shy is the fear of making a fool of one's self in front of others. If this is the root of your problem, you're going to have to fight your pride. What others superficially think of you when you're out of your element is meaningless unless you're running for office (in which case, I hope you stay shy, politicians are always untrustworthy).

Another common reason is having trust issues. I'm not sure how to go about really undoing that sort of damage, but I know it involves settling the root events that caused them and trying to move on.

Do you even know why you're shy?

[Tiger Duck]

yeah I considered it, but 4 hours was a bit much for my taste.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Ah, ok. Then maybe in a future meet-up further south.

[SDF]

I was shy in high school. It got better.

[Mauve Shirt]

I, also, am super shy off the internet.

[Eon]

More often than not, the reason for being shy is the fear of making a fool of one's self in front of others. If this is the root of your problem, you're going to have to fight your pride. What others superficially think of you when you're out of your element is meaningless unless you're running for office (in which case, I hope you stay shy, politicians are always untrustworthy).

Another common reason is having trust issues. I'm not sure how to go about really undoing that sort of damage, but I know it involves settling the root events that caused them and trying to move on.

Do you even know why you're shy?



I'm pretty sure it's the making a fool of oneself.

[TFT]

Shyness is something that I think a lot of playgrounders face... I being one of them. To be honest, I know where mine come from(Having a class of about 4 where two of them are bullies can do that to you... but thats a story for another time), but for everyone is different. Its something you just have to learn to overcome, to be able to say who cares what other people think, as long as I am fine with how I act, it doesn't matter.

How to get to that point, however, is something I am figuring out.

[Castaras]

I'm also too shy to do anything... I don't hang out with friends much, I try to figure out stuff instead of asking others... etc
I think the only place I'm not shy is over the internet...


Does anyone else have this problem or have some hints on how to overcome it?

Find some random amateur performing group - be it Acting, Music, Dancing, whatever. If you don't think you like any of them, go for acting. That helped me bucketloads with confidence - or, feigning confidence. I'm still very shy and still much prefer talking over the net, but that's just a part of me and I love it. :smallsmile:

[KuReshtin]

yeah I considered it, but 4 hours was a bit much for my taste.

4 hours too far to go for a meetup? Next weekend, I'll have a 1500km round trip to (amongst other things) go to the UKitP meetup. Had I only gone to the Meetup, it would have been a 6.5 hour trip one way to get there.
4 hours is nothing. :smallwink:

[Jack Squat]

Am I the only one that thought of This song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P6I4pT_tVA) when reading the thread title?

I was pretty shy until I moved down where I am now and met some pretty social people. Really I think the best way to overcome shyness is to hang out with someone who's not.

[Starscream]

I've been this way for most of my life. I finally loosened up a bit in college.

The problem was school, mostly. Middle school in particular had a completely stifling society, where everyone had their clique and if you weren't in you were out. Fitting in was hard for me, so I was a total misfit.

High school was better. Everyone took the whole "cool" thing a bit less seriously. There were still cliques, but they were less compulsory. You could still be popular even if you weren't a jock or a cheerleader.

College was a whole different world. I blame the fact that no one was there who didn't want to be. Face it, until you are 18 the school system is there to babysit you as much as to educate you (more some would say), and part of the reason people were so obsessed with popularity is that they were forced to interact. You couldn't avoid these people, so you'd better get along.

But in college everyone was there because they wanted to be, the classes were solely to teach (you only went when you felt like it), and nobody cared whether or not you were cool. Maybe it's because I went to a gigantic school, but there were so many people around that it was almost impossible not to make friends.

[Jalor]

I'm also one of those painfully shy people. This is probably because I can't stand most of the people I meet. Luckily, I'm not totally socially inept, and I have friends who somehow manage to put up with my insensitivity and snarkiness.

[Ninja Chocobo]

You know it's bad when at dinner you're too shy to ask a close family member to pass the potatoes. So you wait and you wait for the people next to you to want potatoes, just so you can grab some when they're in transit.
But they never seem to, so you wait, and you wait, and you wait, and then eventually you decide just to eat what you have currently.
But suddenly, while you're not paying attention, the potatoes are passed right down the table, directly past you, straight to the other, even further end. And you go the whole meal without potatoes.

I get the feeling the potatoes should have been a metaphor for something.

[Totally Guy]

I think of myself as being too shy. But I suppose that's wrong now so I'll have to alter my self image in my head. You know, like character development.

I mean if I was actually shy there's no way I'd have done what I did this weekend. So therefore I'm not any longer shy.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

Eh. Your options are:
Risk looking silly for a while and/or every so often...

-or living crippled by the fear that someone will see you doing something that you should be able to eventually look back on and laugh at.

Sounds to me like the former, while potentially situationally unpleasant, is a LOT less sucky than the latter.

You know what? There could be people reading the OP right now that are already laughing at the irony of a person making a fool of themselves by letting the fear of making a fool of themselves keep them from living their own bloody life. We all make mistakes, and do things that we'd really rather avoid a crowd present to witness. So what? Given that everyone will end up looking like a dumbarse from time to time anyway, one may as well attempt to profit from the price they are already going to end up paying. Right?

[Pyrian]

Really I think the best way to overcome shyness is to hang out with someone who's not.Heheh, that never made me any more sociable but I certainly did meet a lot of people that way.


This is probably because I can't stand most of the people I meet.There's an XKCD shirt that says something along the lines of "I'm not anti-social, just shy, you can talk to me!" I want one that says, "I'm not shy, I'm anti-social, if I want to talk to you I'll let you know!"

[Jinura]

Well I consider myself shy to, but I try a lot to be more social, which was also the only reason i weren't allowed to skip a grade. Damn social skills, however I've grown better.

[Thufir]

More often than not, the reason for being shy is the fear of making a fool of one's self in front of others. If this is the root of your problem, you're going to have to fight your pride.

If this applies to me (I'm not sure), then I'm DOOMED. There's no way I can win a fight against my pride.

[Jalor]

There's an XKCD shirt that says something along the lines of "I'm not anti-social, just shy, you can talk to me!" I want one that says, "I'm not shy, I'm anti-social, if I want to talk to you I'll let you know!"

If I didn't have the Photoshop skills of a paraplegic baboon, I would design that shirt and put it on Cafepress.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

If this applies to me (I'm not sure), then I'm DOOMED. There's no way I can win a fight against my pride.

Heh. What do you have to be so proud of if you can't even control your own self-destructive impulses? :smallamused:

[Ecalsneerg]

I was shy in high school. It got better.
Same, and I think it's a common problem.

When I left high school, stopped having to wear a tie 13 days out of 14 (yeah, dress code at school and work) and didn't have to be near people I deeply disliked all the time, I came out of my shell.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

If I didn't have the Photoshop skills of a paraplegic baboon, I would design that shirt and put it on Cafepress.

Too wordy. "If you can read this, you're too close." :smallbiggrin:

[Jalor]

Too wordy. "If you can read this, you're too close." :smallbiggrin:

See, that's why I'm not the one designing these things.

[The_JJ]

I have that but I don't consider it a problem.

Me, pretty much. It'll be easier as life goes by, though. It's also one of those things where you just gotta take a couple steps and the rest falls into place. You've shown a desire to step out, and that's the first step, so now go out and do. *insert sports music here*


You know it's bad when at dinner you're too shy to ask a close family member to pass the potatoes. So you wait and you wait for the people next to you to want potatoes, just so you can grab some when they're in transit.
But they never seem to, so you wait, and you wait, and you wait, and then eventually you decide just to eat what you have currently.
But suddenly, while you're not paying attention, the potatoes are passed right down the table, directly past you, straight to the other, even further end. And you go the whole meal without potatoes.

I get the feeling the potatoes should have been a metaphor for something.

Sex?

[Eon]

I consider it a problem when I don't take part in planning when I just shrug and don't suggest anything... and get stuck with things I don't want...

[Hadrian_Emrys]

Sex?

I'm not sure how best to mock your suggestion to treat the potato scenario as a missed opportunity for an implied request for intercourse within one's own family, Mr. Freud. :smalltongue:

[Felixaar]

There's really only one way to stop being shy.

1. Stop Being Shy.

Bam. It's a mental decision, not a physical decision, and all you need to do is start acting as if you're not shy and sooner or later it'll change around.

I used to be a little shy, but to be honest - and I'm still like this - I'm simply not much for talking if I'm not particularly interested. "Small Talk" just aludes me, unless the person I'm talking to is zer interestink.

So, two tips - if you're not shy on the internet, try meeting internet people in real life. A majority of my best friends are people I know from the internet, because I get to know them before I have to do the whole looking at them and talking thing.

For seconds, group conversation is probably the best thing. You can drift out if you're not really interested, but don't be hesitant to contribute if you can think of something to say.

[Fostire]

I, too, am very, very shy. Except when with close friends or family members, I find it very hard to have any type of conversation, so I know how much of a problem it can be.
My current solution is willpower, force myself to do or say the things I want. I don't know if that will work for you, but it doesn't hurt to try.

My main suggestion is that you join some sort of small group of no more than 12 people. It can be any type of group you want. Join a small club or class (acting was mentioned before and I would recommend it as well, even if you're not good at it).

My mother (whom is also shy) taught me a small trick to talking to people that I have found works very well: smile as much as possible. I know it doesn't seem as much but it makes a world of difference in how people react to you if you have a smile on your face.

[mikeejimbo]

I'm pretty sure it's the making a fool of oneself.

Ah, see, you shouldn't mind making a fool of yourself. While they're all busy laughing at you, you've made off with their stuff.

Figuratively, of course.

[Totally Guy]

Some of my best multipage anecdotes feature me making a fool out of myself. Comedy always features bad things happening to people because too much good fortune isn't entertaining.

Lets see if I can summarise my best anecdotes to a single line:

Due to drug oblivousness I allowed someone to drive with drug because I thought what he'd told me was all innocent, this somehow led to me inadvertantly dressing as a builder for the rest of the day and many discussions about safety.

There was a time I couldn't keep my underwear up in a platinum mine and everybody noticed.

Most recently I implanted the idea of organising a naturism day to my D&D group when I was just kidding. We all went through with it.

They're all good entertaining stories that involve some loss of dignity but I look back and laugh because it's funny. None of that embarrassment matters now, it all expires quickly.

For general life I call this the 20 second rule. If I approach a stranger and say something unintentionally stupid I figure that after I'm gone that person will think I'm dumb for about 20 seconds then they'll think about something else and probably never remember me again.

[Greep]

As an earlier poster put it, I find out it's not that I'm shy, it's just that I tend to get really bored with having to do small talk. See, I'm evil now, if I'm meeting someone and I've nothing interesting to say I just let my mind wander until the other guy gets uncomfortable enough to talk. And if he doesn't, yay, then chances are I've met someone I'm gonna get along with, so it's a win-win :D As for looking stupid, I've realised in many ways I AM stupid over the years, so I've no regrets in that arena. Nobody's perfect :)

[Cryssandra]

More often than not, the reason for being shy is the fear of making a fool of one's self in front of others. If this is the root of your problem, you're going to have to fight your pride.

That about sums up my problem... But in a fight between me and my pride, it'd win.... pretty badly....

[randman22222]

Well, this has been said time and time again, but it's best to just not be afraid of being yourself. Don't worry about what people think of you, because they're far less informed than yourself. :smallsmile:

'Least, knowing all this has helped me. That and having an incredibly outgoing group of friends that kinda 'broke' me. :smalltongue:

[Eon]

hopefully those tips will help...

[HellfireLover]

I'm no longer shy. I'll speak to anyone, in virtually any situation. I'm actually quite gregarious. It was totally a mental decision, one day I just decided that I really didn't care if anyone thought I was being pushy or forward or acting up or whatever. Guess what? Most people respond favourably.

I am still reserved though, so very few people know the 'real' me. Which might be just as well, because my boss already thinks I'm weeeeeeird, and he's only seen my socially acceptable geek side. :smallconfused:

[Hadrian_Emrys]

That about sums up my problem... But in a fight between me and my pride, it'd win.... pretty badly....


Heh. What do you have to be so proud of if you can't even control your own self-destructive impulses? :smallamused:

Yeah me, that's what I'm sayin'.

[Trog]

*Wanders into the thread and quietly takes a seat in the corner*

Finally... a room with no pressure to mingle. Just my speed. :smallsigh:

[Thanatos 51-50]

*Contemplates streaking through the room*
*Does so*

[ChameleonX11]

Is it strange that I am far more shy on this forum than I am anywhere else? (Not that i'm exactly comfortable with girls yet, but its better than here.)

[Yarram]

I'm not shy. (That's an understatement) But at the same time, not being shy doesn't mean doing stupid stuff.

Socially, I'm usually pretty vocal, but at the same time, I try my hardest not to be annoyingly so. (I'm pretty sure I am, but... Oh well. If they don't say anything to me, then I won't change.)

I don't really get nervous for anything unless it counts for something in the future. Talking in front of 800 people is easy (I've done it), but doing a speech that is about to be marked is really hard.

I agree with previous posters in that one of the keys is not caring what anyone else thinks, but that's not what confidence is. I care about what people think, but I'm confident that whatever I say will portray me exactly how I want to be portrayed, but then if I make a mistake, I don't worry about it, because it was in the past.

You'll also find that if you don't care about something, no-one else will either, so it won't come back and get you. (Caring about things before, and during is important to success, but dwelling on failure to me, seems a little silly. I fully understand why you would) E.G. If you trip up a staircase in front of a load of people and they laugh at you and try to make fun of you later, either laugh with them because you see the funny side, or go:
Fool: Duurrr! Bwhahh You tripped down the stairs!
You: ... *no physical reaction other than looking at them in a slightly perturbed manner*
Fool: What are you looking at./OR/<Insert generic insult here>
You: I guess I did. What about it?
Fool: *looks confused* /OR/ <Possible name calling here>/OR/<witty remark>
You: *wanders off failing to care*
(The key is not feeling anger or irritation, and then there is nothing to get off on)(I'm also not sure if anyone else could pull off my method of bullying avoidance/repelling)

Just remember, it is better to do something, and be able to say you failed, than to not be able to say you even tried.

[Krade]

Gimme a moment to think about what happened to me to get me out of it...

Ah yes, now I remember. Get a job where at least half of your duties involve direct interaction and sometimes actual conversations and opinion sharing with customers. It's best if it's a job related to something you are familiar and comfortable with. For me, it was a Blockbuster. Boy do I have some fun stories from that place...

Also, if it is at all feasible, go to a GitP meet-up. It might not fix the shyness, but it will definitely give you a very refreshing reprieve. I've been to the SE US meet-up twice and the meet-ups at GenCon the past couple years. You'll probably never find another group where you don't have to worry about embarassing yourself because someone's probably going to outdo you. On purpose.

But seriously, D&D Monster Manual Charades. It will be hard to embarass yourself after that.

[KuReshtin]

But seriously, D&D Monster Manual Charades.

That. Sounds. AWESOME!

[ghost_warlock]

Sometimes I feel a bit shy or intimidated by someone. This is what I do to get over it: I imagine that I'm naked. Seems to work fine for me, especially when I smile a lot and keep moving closer and closer to the person I'm shy around/intimidated by.

[Krade]

That. Sounds. AWESOME!


I am slowly getting video of the event up on Youtube. Expect more soon, but here is what I have so far.

Monster Manual Charades with Indurain (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnhE3es6KEg)

I'm just gonna throw up some more MM charades videos.

Archives Ninja performs for the audience (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC3p6YUE_Do)

Krade gets a tough one. Ummm.....video contains innuendo. Be warned. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mvz0yG1MXc)

This simple video will probably get me shot, so its not worth watching it. Really, pay it no mind. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTFrZ0Q9mRw)

I really reallly wanted to see someone have to perform "Blink Dog" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqu9sNsnjNU)

It happened. Believe it!

[Mauve Shirt]

If I wasn't shy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7h3sro3Um_Q), I'd steal all the microphones from all the masters of ceremony.

[Kcalehc]

I'm also too shy to do anything... I don't hang out with friends much, I try to figure out stuff instead of asking others... etc
I think the only place I'm not shy is over the internet...

Does anyone else have this problem or have some hints on how to overcome it?

Fake it. If you can't stop being shy, pretend to be someone that is not shy (you have an imagination, right?). Imagine what a non-shy person would do and then do it, (not what a noisy annoying person would do though). You must have experienced people that are not shy so take cues from them. After pretending long enough, you may find the line between pretending to not be shy, and actually not being shy begins to blur.

Felixaar pretty much hit the nail on the head; with his 1 point plan. Take some initiative; start a conversation, call a friend, help a random person. Go outside for a walk and greet people as you walk by them.

It's important to realise that the quality your life is not dependant on validation from other peoples opinions.

[mikeejimbo]

Fake it. If you can't stop being shy, pretend to be someone that is not shy (you have an imagination, right?). Imagine what a non-shy person would do and then do it, (not what a noisy annoying person would do though). You must have experienced people that are not shy so take cues from them. After pretending long enough, you may find the line between pretending to not be shy, and actually not being shy begins to blur.

Oh oh! I tried that once. I thought "A non-shy person would invite someone he liked to spend time with to do something fun." Then I realized that I don't really like most of the people I know.

[Pepz]

I'm gonna throw in my 2cp with the rest of the crowd. When I opened the thread I thought two things:

1 Amateur theater, especially improvisation. If you can do that, you can do anything in public :smallbiggrin:

2 A job with social interaction. A job at blockbuster has been mentioned, I'll top that with a job in a pub or restaurant or bar. My god, if there's any jobs that needs social interactions, there's your picks. I have to say, it's not always fun, but WOO-HEE, do you learn to always have a word ready and to talk to perfect strangers :smallwink:

I still consider myself shy in certain areas, but I don't think anyone who doesn't know me really well would agree :smallamused:

[VeisuItaTyhjyys]

I learned not to be less shy, but to deal with it in a better manner (there is, of course, nothing wrong with introversion, it is merely social situations with which it normally interferes that must be mended), at concerts. Any similar psuedo-social situation, I think, will help. Basically, I found I was able to get out and be around far larger crowds than I was normally comfortable with because the event still allows one to be shy. There's no cause for charming a crowd with some gregarious grandiloquence when one's voice is inaudible over the band. Things like movies or plays, where talking is discouraged throughout the film can work. It allows one to find a comfort in people, especially large groups of them, gradually. Before you have to get used to really interacting with a large group in a very vocal way, you're around them enjoying a common interest.

Things like theatre and other public speaking also work, although perhaps less comfortably, at first. They allow one to indirectly interact with a group, although one must extend oneself very conspicuously.

[Eon]

wow... more people posting than I thought...