View Full Version : Mass Effect - Jokey Scripts

2009-07-28, 04:44 PM
See if you can beat my humor with parodied scripts of your own, guys.

Anderson: Saren's a monster, plain and simple.
Shepard: Sometimes a million must die so that a thousand elitists can live!
Anderson: Yes, but only if there's no other... wait what?!

Shepard: You're not going to infect my crew are you?
Joker: Don't be a douche commander, they'd of screened me.
Shepard: ...

Ashley: What are we going to do about Wrex, commander? He seemed really upset.
Shepard: He's my problem.
Ashley: Whatever you say, commander, but I'll be on your back, watching... waiting.
Shepard: No, Ashley, seriously I can do this myself, I'll deal with Wrex.
Wrex: And... and *sniff*... and the Krogan will be saved, but you don't wanna make it happen.
Shepard: It's alright, big fella. Everything will be alright *Ashley shoots Wrex*
Shepard: What the hell was that for Gunny?
Ashley: He was clearly going to hug you to death sir.
Shepard: I'm so sacrificing you for Kaidan.
Ashley: It's your call commander.
Shepard: Which means I'll be doing Liara, not you.
Ashley: It's your call commander.

Benezia: You wouldn't understand -
Shepard: Yadda, yadda, you're a bitch, let's fight.
Benezia: No human has ever witnessed the power of an Asari commando unit before -
Shepard: Hey, you hear me? I called you a bitch.
*Benezia powers up*

Toombs: All I want is this bastard!
Shepard: Toombs, is that you? That thresher maw ate you!
Toombs: Yah but I survived somehow. Maybe it has something to do with me being both a bad ass and a **** at the same time, I wouldn't know though. It was part of some experiment they say.
Scientist: This man is mad! Kill him!
Toombs: It was torture I tell you.
Shepard: If what they did to you is true, Toombs, then pull that trigger, I'm not stopping you.
Toombs: Yadda yadda, confessions, yadda yadda whining, *pulls trigger*
Toombs: They said I was dead. That you were the only survivor. Who am I to argue? *pulls trigger on self* Bleh!
Kaidan: Well Shepard, you really ****ed that one up, didn't yah?
Admiral Hackett: Shepard, I know you killed everyone in the facility, but I'm such an ass kissing political wannabe, that I'm not filing any charges and clearing all records since that's all I'm good for now in my old age.
Shepard: 'Kay.
Player: What the hell?! When I chose 'Do it', I expected him to shoot the son of a bitch not agree with him! And who seriously says, 'Then pull that trigger?'. Man Shepard sure can be a d-bag.

2009-07-28, 04:53 PM
Er... wrong board?

2009-07-28, 05:18 PM
Yah, maybe move to appropriate?

2009-07-28, 06:02 PM
What the hell? Why aren't these funny?

*Bangs screen*

Stupid computer, be more funny!

2009-07-28, 06:20 PM
Wrong board, not funny, total fail.

2009-07-28, 06:48 PM
So beat it with something funnier. That's the point of the thread after all.