PDA

View Full Version : Troublesome Player



Doresain
2009-07-29, 01:47 AM
first, let me say that i know full well that i am not the greatest DM out there, but i try my hardest...also, this is mostly a long rant with a simple question at the end, so be prepared

so i started a new game today with a couple friends (as in me and only two other people) that i have known for a while...it was going to be a scoundrel game...about an hour after we start preparing, one of the other guys we have known for a while sends me a text saying that hes bored...we dont really like the guy too much, so i say im busy doing something else, so he just invites himself over to my house anyways...im pretty pissed about it, but i say screw it, its another player...when he gets to my house, he lets himself in (another thing that ticks me off) and starts rolling up a bard or something...anyways we finish with the first adventure and he really didnt do much of anything, so he says he wants to re-do his character...i tell him go for it, not thinking about what he was planning on making...he makes a catfolk urban ranger

fast forward to the encounter with a bounty hunter that was after the same guy the party was after, the other two party members make a deal with said hunter that generally works for everyone...the hunter gets an amulet that shows that the target is dead and the party gets the body, basically everyone wins...well the party ranger is real butthurt about the fact that the hunter previously punched him in the stomach and threw a tanglefoot bag on him in a fight that occurred earlier, so as the bounty hunter is leaving, the ranger attacks him...the rest of the party is asking why, since we have completed the mission we were sent on, but his only explanation was that the bounty hunter "hurt his pride"...he almost dies in the ensuing fight(because the rest of the party refused to help him), but ends up winning and boasts loudly (while everyone else in my house is asleep) about how he beat this higher level character...who was only like a level higher than him...also this fight took like an hour, so the other two people were ticked that he wasted their time on a mission that was already over with...

needless to say, im at a loss as to what to do about him...ive known him for about 9 years now, so its a little difficult to just tell him to bugger off...but this is a reoccurring thing with him and has been for at least half the time ive known him...talking with him doesnt work btw, simply because he argues to the grave about it...suggestions?

Kylarra
2009-07-29, 01:50 AM
Sounds like you have a personal issue that's making its way in game.

I suggest changing the locks to your house and telling him he's not welcome to play anymore.

AstralFire
2009-07-29, 01:58 AM
Have you consulted your mutual acquaintances? They know the situation a bit better than we do. If it were me, though, I'd just write up a big long thing detailing all of my issues with him, rehearse it - next time he asks to come over it, tell it to him calmly but quickly so he can't interrupt - and then lock the doors.

Mystic Muse
2009-07-29, 01:58 AM
I second kylarra's opinion. unless he doesn't ahve a key in which case changing the locks is unnecessary.

Doresain
2009-07-29, 01:59 AM
while yes, i do have numerous personal issues with the guy, i try not to bring it in game...but its really really hard not to when you live with your parents and a player invites himself over, barges in your house, rummages through your kitchen for food without asking, tells you to your face how much he wants to have sex with your younger sister and is generally a very rude and obnoxiously loud person...


Have you consulted your mutual acquaintances? They know the situation a bit better than we do. If it were me, though, I'd just write up a big long thing detailing all of my issues with him, rehearse it - next time he asks to come over it, tell it to him calmly but quickly so he can't interrupt - and then lock the doors.

well, i came here because i wanted an unbiased opinion of the situation...the other two players have known him for just as long as i have, and they dont like him either, so i know where they stand

Kylarra
2009-07-29, 02:03 AM
while yes, i do have numerous personal issues with the guy, i try not to bring it in game...but its really really hard not to when you live with your parents and a player invites himself over, barges in your house, rummages through your kitchen for food without asking, tells you to your face how much he wants to have sex with your younger sister and is generally a very rude and obnoxiously loud person...As you describe it, the person is just not very likeable in the first place, and his character is making unpopular choices that are detracting from the enjoyment of the other players. I can see no reason to allow him to continue playing (or to continue associating with him in the first place).

When I said that there's a personal issue here, I meant that the person himself is a problem in more than just the game.

Mystic Muse
2009-07-29, 02:04 AM
while yes, i do have numerous personal issues with the guy, i try not to bring it in game...but its really really hard not to when you live with your parents and a player invites himself over, barges in your house, rummages through your kitchen for food without asking, tells you to your face how much he wants to have sex with your younger sister and is generally a very rude and obnoxiously loud person...




okay. no offense meant but why are you friends with this person again? if I knew somebody like this I'd never let them in my house again and avoid them at all costs.

jmbrown
2009-07-29, 02:07 AM
Piss him off. He sounds like the type that will quit when he doesn't get his way so go out of your way to make him feel as uncomfortable as you guy in game.

He killed a bounty hunter? Well, now the hunter's family have put a hit on him and he's got dozens of guys looking for him. It's not like it's difficult to hide the fact that you're a furry in generic fantasy land.

Mystic Muse
2009-07-29, 02:08 AM
I don't think that's a good idea. Annoying them too much in game can turn out really lousy.

Kylarra
2009-07-29, 02:09 AM
Piss him off. He sounds like the type that will quit when he doesn't get his way so go out of your way to make him feel as uncomfortable as you guy in game.

He killed a bounty hunter? Well, now the hunter's family have put a hit on him and he's got dozens of guys looking for him. It's not like it's difficult to hide the fact that you're a furry in generic fantasy land.Really I think the better solution is to just kick him out. Passive-agressive DM vs player stuff never ends up well, even in a "normal" gaming group.

Doresain
2009-07-29, 02:12 AM
okay. no offense meant but why are you friends with this person again? if I knew somebody like this I'd never let them in my house again and avoid them at all costs.

well it was never this bad...it was within the past few days that it got this way...like i said, ive known the guy for years

Kylarra
2009-07-29, 02:15 AM
Tell him you appreciate his interest but you and the other players really don't want him playing with you guys. If he's a good friend you've known for years, he'll understand, if not, well, he doesn't sound all that great to me anyway.

Alteran
2009-07-29, 02:15 AM
okay. no offense meant but why are you friends with this person again? if I knew somebody like this I'd never let them in my house again and avoid them at all costs.

Agreed. This guy sounds extremely obnoxious and unlikeable, and I'd personally want nothing to do with him. It may be hard to say it, especially since you've been "friends" for so long, but that's part of why this is going on. This guy couldn't do this stuff in your house if you didn't let it happen. By no means am I saying it's your fault, I'm just saying that you have an easy way out. It's perfectly reasonable for you to tell this guy to GTFO if you don't like what he's doing.


I don't think that's a good idea. Annoying them too much in game can turn out really lousy.

Agreed again. If he's being an ******* to you, don't be an ******* right back. That just creates more hostility and does nothing to solve your problem.

evil-frosty
2009-07-29, 02:19 AM
I vote just to kick him out and stop associating with him at all since he sounds like an ass.


tells you to your face how much he wants to have sex with your younger sister


And anyone ever said something like that to my face. I would kick his ass. But thats just me as i am loyal and a little overprotective of people close to me.

Doresain
2009-07-29, 02:25 AM
thanks fellow playgrounders...i plan on telling him thursday since that is the next day we are meeting up...

on a some what related note, would i be in the green for beating the snot out of someone if they refused to leave my property? im really not expecting it to escalate to that, but deep down inside i hope it does simply so i could knock him around a bit

Kylarra
2009-07-29, 02:27 AM
I'd just not let him on your property in the first place. If he tries to break in, well, he's breaking the law.

horngeek
2009-07-29, 02:28 AM
No. You could call the police on him, which would probably be a deeply satisfying thing to do. But you cannot hit him. That is assault.

Not unless you think he's about to hit you. Then it's self-defence.

Doresain
2009-07-29, 02:29 AM
well he has a couple of my books and i have a few of his...so one way or another we are going to have to deal with one another...and if hostility breaks out at any point, id rather it be at a place where im pretty sure there wouldnt be consequences

horngeek
2009-07-29, 02:29 AM
Return his books. Tell him to return yours.

Don't ask, tell.

SethFahad
2009-07-29, 02:31 AM
Kill him in a nasty messy humiliating way... :smallbiggrin:

When he rolls for a new player, kill him again. and again... and....again!

He'll leave and never come back...
Guaranty.Period.

Doresain
2009-07-29, 02:33 AM
Kill him in a nasty messy humiliating way... :smallbiggrin:

as much as this appeals to my inner alignment, horngeek is right

thanks again gang...hopefully the next time i post, it wont involve obnoxious people

horngeek
2009-07-29, 02:34 AM
That's what us Lawful Goods who aren't Lawful Stupid are for.

Providing alternate paths to being Chaotic. :smallbiggrin:

Myiven
2009-07-29, 03:35 AM
In most jurisdictions, entering someone's home without permission is at least trespassing (a misdemeanor), and at worst is burglary (a felony). I think you need to make it absolutely clear that this person isn't welcome, then call the police if they refuse to leave.

I'm actually a cop, so I deal with people having little spats all the time. *sigh* "Don't be a ****" should be the first thing that's drilled into everyone's head from the time they start learning language.

Tempest Fennac
2009-07-29, 04:08 AM
I agree with everyone who said about just stopping associating with him. Just out of curiosity, how was the player using a Catfolk a problem? I'm curious because your first post suggested that his choice of race was a problem.

kamikasei
2009-07-29, 04:20 AM
while yes, i do have numerous personal issues with the guy, i try not to bring it in game...

Your thinking is more than a little backwards here. The game is a fun thing to do with friends. If this guy is being an obnoxious jackass to you, while he may still be your friend (friendship is a funny thing) you're under no obligation to try to include him in your social activities. You have no duty to allow him in your game if you don't want to spend time with him in the first place.

#Raptor
2009-07-29, 05:15 AM
Return his books. Tell him to return yours.

Don't ask, tell. Bwuh? I'd say, based on what we know from the guy:

Go to his house with his books, tell him you want your books back. If he doesn't return them, don't give him his books back either.

Don't just give them to him and expect him to return yours - if you do that you'll probably never see your books again.

horngeek
2009-07-29, 05:16 AM
Bwuh? I'd say, based on what we know from the guy:

Go to his house with his books, tell him you want your books back. If he doesn't return them, don't give him his books back either.

Don't just give them to him and expect him to return yours - if you do that you'll probably never see your books again.

Okay, point.

valadil
2009-07-29, 10:12 AM
This sounds more like a personal issue than a D&D one.

Your friend pisses you off and doesn't care. I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that there are things he does that are unacceptable. He can't let himself in. He can't tell you about wanting to hook up with your sister. He can't insult your other friends. These are not up for debate. If he feels strongly that he should be able to do these things, he can do them with other people because you aren't putting up with it. Don't give him the opportunity to debate it.

Some geeks have trouble with social norms. We're able to look at society and see that there are certain aspect of it that are ridiculous. But if you choose to ignore those social norms you risk alienating people. You need to teach him that even if he doesn't approve of those norms, he needs to respect them or at least be aware of them if he's going to have any interaction with people.

Evilfeeds
2009-07-29, 10:21 AM
Yay, another "I have a friend that is a total ******* yet im too pathetic to do anything about it" thread. These never get old.

Stand up for yourself, kick him out, and if he refuses to leave, call the police.
If he refuses to return your books, call it stupid tax for you being friends with him in the first place.

Johel
2009-07-29, 12:41 PM
while yes, i do have numerous personal issues with the guy, i try not to bring it in game...but its really really hard not to when you live with your parents and a player invites himself over, barges in your house, rummages through your kitchen for food without asking, tells you to your face how much he wants to have sex with your younger sister and is generally a very rude and obnoxiously loud person...

I don't know for the first part but the part about your little sister... are you sure he isn't doing it precisely because he knows that'll make you mad ? I do the exact same thing all the time with a old friend. Of course, his little sister is only 15 and I haven't seen her for like two years so he KNOWS I'm messing with him. But his reaction never change : silent anger, rolling of eyes while the rest of the group snickers. Maybe your friend just does it because you react to it.

This said, about your problem, it's a though choice.
If your "friend" isn't very liked by the others, then just ban him from the house. Chances are he'll take it badly and ban himself from your life. If he isn't an ass, however, he'll understand, play it down (at least for a time) and that's it, crisis is over.
If your "friend" is liked by the others, that's a powerplay : you ban him, you risk losing the rest of your friends. Discuss the issue with your friends, even if you have to lie .

"-My parents complained about SOMEBODY eating the nachos and spilling the beer, sooo... we better play it low for a time. That's it, without jerkass. I'm sure we'll find a way."

It doesn't solve the problem but it allows you to assert the situation and decide if his friendship is worth the misery he brings.

Doresain
2009-07-29, 12:53 PM
Yay, another "I have a friend that is a total ******* yet im too pathetic to do anything about it" thread. These never get old.

no need to be a prick about advice...the reason why its not that easy is the fact that we (as in me and the other two players) have known this guy since like elementary school...and it just started getting this bad within the past week...

Tempest: well when he plays catfolk he gets annoying with it, like constantly meowing in game...its a minor thing we have gotten kind of used to, but still gets on our nerves a bit

kamikasei
2009-07-29, 12:55 PM
If he's being a jackass who you don't want to be around, then don't hang out with him. But if he's a good friend who's suddenly acting like a jackass just recently, see if something's up that he needs help dealing with.

Mystic Muse
2009-07-29, 01:55 PM
If he's being a jackass who you don't want to be around, then don't hang out with him. But if he's a good friend who's suddenly acting like a jackass just recently, see if something's up that he needs help dealing with.

seconded. if he's just doing this to mess around with you tell him plain and simple you aren't finding this funny and he should stop. if he continues you have more than enough reason to kick him out of the game.

also the catfolk thing. wouldn't a catfolk meow? if he's just doing it to be in character and not to annoy everybody shouldn't it be allowed? unless you banned it of course.

AstralFire
2009-07-29, 01:56 PM
If he's being a jackass who you don't want to be around, then don't hang out with him. But if he's a good friend who's suddenly acting like a jackass just recently, see if something's up that he needs help dealing with.

Wrong.

Anyone who meows in game needs to be immediately taken up to a 747 and kicked out of its loading bay by Harrison Ford.

Tempest Fennac
2009-07-29, 01:57 PM
Thanks for explaining, Doresain (I can see why that would be irritating).

Mystic Muse
2009-07-29, 01:58 PM
Wrong.

Anyone who meows in game needs to be immediately taken up to a 747 and kicked out of its loading bay by Harrison Ford.

I think that's being a little extreme. however I've never had a meowing player so I'm not one to talk.

AstralFire
2009-07-29, 02:00 PM
I think that's being a little extreme. however I've never had a meowing player so I'm not one to talk.

I haven't either. I just believe in occasionally completely overblown responses to normal situations.

Korivan
2009-07-29, 02:33 PM
Im not sure your guys age is, but if someone told me he wanted to have sex with my younger sister, and was this much of a duche bag, ya...I'd punch them right in the face. But I'm a little protective of my siblings. But on topic, I seconed everyone heres idea on dropping the dude. Take it from me. I've had a problem player that we had outside issues and he brought it in game almost all the time. I had to tell him off. Well, actually, all I did was get engaged to a woman he hates, but hey, whatever got him off my back is cool. If hes like this now, all too soon he's gonna start killing team members because of his so called "pride".

Kylarra
2009-07-29, 02:36 PM
Wrong.

Anyone who meows in game needs to be immediately taken up to a 747 and kicked out of its loading bay by Harrison Ford.
>_>

I squeak in game.

Of course I'm also a druid that spends a lot of time in beast form so I substitute animal sounds as my interjections to the party.

AKA_Bait
2009-07-29, 02:48 PM
If he's being a jackass who you don't want to be around, then don't hang out with him. But if he's a good friend who's suddenly acting like a jackass just recently, see if something's up that he needs help dealing with.

Thirded. If this is something new, then you should probably ask him why he has started acting like a jerk. If not, I'd tell him to buzz off and change the locks.

About the books... how many books does he have of yours? If it's only a handful I'd just write them off if he doesn't want to return them immediately. The replacement cost is probably not worth the aggravation getting them back.

And I'm with Astralfire on the 'unwelcome animal noises equals death by Harrison Ford' issue.

AstralFire
2009-07-29, 02:58 PM
Holy cow, Bait. Good to see you again.

Mr.Moron
2009-07-29, 03:02 PM
What if Harrison Ford was meowing at the gaming table?

AstralFire
2009-07-29, 03:05 PM
What if Harrison Ford was meowing at the gaming table?

That's when you bring in James Earl Jones.

Umael
2009-07-29, 03:07 PM
Allow me to chime in with another vote for "ditch him if he's always been this way, see what's up if it is a recent change".

I would even go so far (if I was in your shoes) as to say to him that he has his head stuck up his you-know-what and until you can hear the loud "pop!" of him removing it from said location, you will not be gaming with him again.

One more thing - did you say that you live with your parents? If that is the case (my apologizes if I am mistaken), let them know what's going on. Don't get them involved, don't give them details, just say, "Hey, this guy has been unpleasant, and until he changes, I don't want him around." If your parents are reasonable, they'll appreciate you giving them the heads up and back you on this.

Johel
2009-07-29, 05:27 PM
I've had a problem player that we had outside issues and he brought it in game almost all the time. I had to tell him off. Well, actually, all I did was get engaged to a woman he hates, but hey, whatever got him off my back is cool.

You deserve an award for this one. :smallbiggrin:

Origomar
2009-07-29, 05:34 PM
thanks fellow playgrounders...i plan on telling him thursday since that is the next day we are meeting up...

on a some what related note, would i be in the green for beating the snot out of someone if they refused to leave my property? im really not expecting it to escalate to that, but deep down inside i hope it does simply so i could knock him around a bit

if you live in texas shoot his ass.

Pharaoh's Fist
2009-07-29, 05:38 PM
Call the cops if he refuses to leave.

If he comes back and throws a rock through your window, it is permissible for a handgun to come into play.

Deastorm
2009-07-29, 05:45 PM
Kill him in a nasty messy humiliating way... :smallbiggrin:

When he rolls for a new player, kill him again. and again... and....again!

He'll leave and never come back...
Guaranty.Period.

It's a good thing you specified you meant his character in the next line...:thog:

Skorj
2009-07-29, 06:01 PM
I've never seen a "troublesome player" situation that can't be resolved by the following escalation:

Tell him he's being a jerk and should stop.
Have an "intervention", where all the players tell him he's being a jerk and should stop.
Kick him from the group for at least a year.
Have the police tell him he's being a jerk and should stop.

Don't skip step 2 - it's surprising how often the jerk just needs to hear it from someone besides you. But if that doesn't work, there's just no reason to continue putting up with the guy. Gaming is supposed to be fun - if it's not, you're doing it wrong. :smallsmile:

KBF
2009-07-29, 06:12 PM
IS anyone else kind of, almost, silently hoping that.. You know.. No matter how awful it would be...

Reverse psycho DM situation?