"Is Your Child a Goth?" [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

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Nameless

2009-07-30, 03:47 AM

I found this article a couple of years ago, and just remembered about it. So I decided to post it up for teh lulz. :smalltongue:
Try not to let it go into a religious discussion, I just thought it was funny as Hell.

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that
young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

http://www.eryc.co.uk/forum/topic2008.html

RoninFrosty

2009-07-30, 03:54 AM

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

Wait...so every male ever is gothic?

ghost_warlock

2009-07-30, 03:56 AM

So...St. Mary's just really hates teenagers. For that matter, I'd think that pretty much everyone qualifies for at least five items on that list...

Krade

2009-07-30, 03:57 AM

I have to agree on your interpretation of this article being roflarious. The best part is how much of it applies to me and my behavior while still in high school (it all still applies now, but the article is for parents of middle/high school students. Not 20-somethings living on their own).

The best part is that I am, in no way, goth or even a little goth-like. I am, and always have been, more or less happy with my surroundings and never felt the need to rebel pointlessly against my superiors who, despite teenage beliefs to the contrary, usually did know better than me.

Nameless

2009-07-30, 03:58 AM

Wait...so every male ever is gothic?

And female.

Because reproducing is wrong.

evil-frosty

2009-07-30, 03:58 AM

Well first off what a load of bull, and according to it i am goth and most of my youth group. Is sorta funny though.

And when is Hinduism and Buddhism cult religions?

randman22222

2009-07-30, 04:00 AM

Wow... So all introverts are immediately goths? And philosophy is a religion? Isn't that self-implication? :smalltongue:

*Stops beating up straw men.*

Nameless

2009-07-30, 04:00 AM

Well first off what a load of bull, and according to it i am goth and most of my youth group. Is sorta funny though.

And when is Hinduism and Buddhism cult religions?

Buddhism... Yup a real source of evil.

Mordokai

2009-07-30, 04:01 AM

Hail my Lord Satan! :smallcool:

I can't believe they forgot DnD... Though I guess they simply stuck it under roleplaying video games :smallbiggrin:

I laughed hard at this one, I really did! I have some other lists like this, not on Gothic or anything religious, but I still think they can be funny to read. If it's ok with Nameless I can look up for them and paste them here. For some more lulz :smallbiggrin:

ghost_warlock

2009-07-30, 04:01 AM

Because reproducing is wrong.

According to them, watching TV or being bored are also wrong.

One must wonder, however, how they can justify saying the internet is evil...and still post their little list on the tubes.

Hm. Must have hired one of those goth graphic designers to do it for them.

Eldan

2009-07-30, 04:03 AM

OMG! I fulfill a total of 15 of these criteria! That means I'm a goth and must now start listening to Death Metal, wear nail polish and drink blood! Thank you for enlightening me, I would not have noticed that I'm part of this subculture.

billtodamax

2009-07-30, 04:03 AM

Hmm... *checks to see what applies to him*

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

Now, if someone was described as above to you, would you think that they were a goth?

Connington

2009-07-30, 04:03 AM

ghost_warlock

2009-07-30, 04:06 AM

Wait, people are honestly taking this list seriously? Yes, everyone under the age of thirty fits at least some of the profile, that's the point! It lists Count Chocula as a gothic cereal, and labels philosophy as a cult religion.

The technical term for this kind of list is "parody". It's not a bad parody, but it's as subtle as a sledgehammer.

*cough* I'm 30 and I fit several categories. [/nitpick] :smalltongue:

randman22222

2009-07-30, 04:07 AM

Wait, people are honestly taking this list seriously? Yes, everyone under the age of thirty fits at least some of the profile, that's the point! It lists Count Chocula as a gothic cereal, and labels philosophy as a cult religion.

The technical term for this kind of list is "parody". It's not a bad parody, but it's as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Shhh! It's funnier when we pretend otherwise! :smallannoyed:

Mordokai

2009-07-30, 04:07 AM

The technical term for this kind of list is "parody". It's not a bad parody, but it's as subtle as a sledgehammer.

This is the problem with the whole thing. If it is parody, than ok, it's a funny one. If it's not, I weep for the one who wrote that.

But at least I can honestly say that it really is a parody. I mean, I hope it is, because if it's not, what little hope I had for humanity is now gone.

Connington

2009-07-30, 04:08 AM

*cough* I'm 30 and I fit several categories. [/nitpick] :smalltongue:

Which only serves to prove my point even more!

Ambush successful. Moving on to the next thread

Ravens_cry

2009-07-30, 04:08 AM

Wait, people are honestly taking this list seriously? Yes, everyone under the age of thirty fits at least some of the profile, that's the point! It lists Count Chocula as a gothic cereal, and labels philosophy as a cult religion.

The technical term for this kind of list is "parody". It's not a bad parody, but it's as subtle as a sledgehammer.
It's like parodying a Chick tract (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/JackChick?from=Main.ChickTract). While it can be done, the original is so over the top, why bother?

Nameless

2009-07-30, 04:08 AM

Nameless

2009-07-30, 04:10 AM

Mordokai

2009-07-30, 04:16 AM

Course. I also found a long artical similar to this. It was MUCH funnier then this, I'll see if I can find it. :smalltongue:

In that case...

50 Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Day of Class
1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".
9. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".
10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13. Announce "you'll need this", and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16. Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19. Address students as "worm".
20. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
22. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
23. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
24. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.
25. Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.
26. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
27. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.
28. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.
29. Growl constantly and address students as "matey".
30. Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove".
31. Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.
32. Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
33. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
34. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
35. Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
36. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
37. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
38. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
39. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
40. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.
41. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk".
42. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
43. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
44. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.
45. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
46. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
47. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.
48. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
49. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field".
50. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"

Fifty Fun Things To Do During A Final That You Know You Are Going To Fail
1.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3.If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5.Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6.Bring cheerleaders.
7.Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8.Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
9.On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10.Bring pets.
11.Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12.Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13.Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14.Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15.Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16.Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17.Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18.As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19.Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20.Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21.Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22.Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
23.Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24.Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "**** this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25.Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26.Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27.Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28.Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29.Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31.Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33.From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34.Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35.If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36.Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37.Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38.Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39.When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40.After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41.One word: Wrestlemania.
42.Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43.Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44.Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45.Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46.Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47.During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48.Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49.Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
50.Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"

Unusual (and fun!) Date Idea
1.*** Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence
2.*** Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books
3.*** Have her dress up as a ghost and you dress uup us Pacman. Walk around downtown holding hands, and whenever anyone sees you two, pretend to be embarrassed, and run off screaming “wocka*wocka wocka.”
4.*** Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen
5.*** Dress up as superherous and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”
6.*** Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes.
7.*** Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.
8.*** Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.
9.*** Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck.
10.Dress to the nines, pretend to be married, and test drive very expensive vehicles at an auto dealership.
11.Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. Have an unabashed good time!
12.In the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. Have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. Bring a sun umbrella.
13.Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. With fake names.
14.Go to a minor league baseball game under the stars. Tell each other stories about how bad you are at athletics. Randomly cheer for both teams. Eat lots of Cracker Jacks.
15.Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things
16.Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras
17.With camera and pair of boots, make photolog of a day in the life of the invisible man.
18.Walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn
19.Go to a restraunt and convince the cook to create something completely new for you.
20.Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue.

100 things to know about women
100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.

98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.

97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.

96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-**** crazy or just plain mean.

93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.

90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.

89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from K-Mart. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Ginger, 27

87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.

86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.

85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her “Gwen” might be bottled.

84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.

83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.

80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.

79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.

78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”—Alicia S, 21

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.

75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.

74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Amanda, 31

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.”—Katie, 26

70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.

69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.

68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.

67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”

66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man is between 5’10 and 6’2.
63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.

62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.

59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”—Lauren, 35

58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.

57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.

56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” - Erin 25.

53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.

52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.

51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “****ing fine,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.

50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.

48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.

47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.

46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Gin and or Vodka helps.

45. Twenty-three percent of men’s magazine readers are women.

44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal, which some men are into, but I think is border line homosexual.

41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.

40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.

39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.

38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.

36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Camille, 28

35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.

34. Chick songs strike a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Alicia Keys song. It’s only about four minutes long.

33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Nasty!

32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.

31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.

30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 26

29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.

27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some strippers’ cleavage.

26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.

20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

19. The more piercing she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.

18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.

15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.

14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.

13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Amanda, 28

12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.

11. She likes one of your friends.

10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oreal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)

5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?

3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”

2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. Five really means somewhere between 12 and 35

And before any of the ladies lynches me because of the last one... it's only meant as fun! If there's something that offends you in there, I'm not the one who wrote this and don't necessary agree with it! Though I also may not disagree with it :smallbiggrin:

SilverSheriff

2009-07-30, 04:19 AM

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

I suddenly had the urge to make Stickers and pins saying "Woe is Me; I'm a Goth." am Still Goth if I do so?:smalltongue:

Yarram

2009-07-30, 04:24 AM

You know what's sad? By that definition, I'm not goth, and I don't need help... Not that I did.

Nameless

2009-07-30, 04:28 AM

I counted 26 things for me on that list. :smalltongue:

@Mordoki: I lawld. :smallbiggrin:

horngeek

2009-07-30, 04:30 AM

23. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
44. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.
45. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.

If I were a Professor, I'd probably do these. :smallbiggrin:

The reactions would be PRICELESS.

ghost_warlock

2009-07-30, 04:41 AM

50 Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Day of Class

10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
16. Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
19. Address students as "worm".
20. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
26. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
39. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
47. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.
48. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.

:smalleek: Giant swimming crud-monkeys! One of my English professors from back-in-the-day actually did these things, almost exactly as listed! Only major difference is that she spoke in Romanian, not Turkish.

On the first day of my very first class with her, she walked into the room and acted shocked, telling us that there were too many of us and we should all go drop the class immediately or she was going to torture us. Her accent was so thick I could hardly understand her...I think I remember her mentioning a cat-o'-nine-tails. :smalleek:

Later on, instead of the usual on-subject lectures, she could be baited into telling us stories about life in Romania and how she managed to bribe her way past border guards with baked goods (of all things...). Then, when the class was almost over, she'd realize she'd been tricked and would get all angry and offended, cursing us and making various threats. But she could be bribed/calmed with promises of chocolate. :smallbiggrin:

He name was Anca Munteanu (I think that's how it's spelled) and she was the BEST. TEACHER. EVER!!!!! :smallbiggrin:
I miss her... :smallfrown:

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 04:50 AM

And female.

Because reproducing is wrong.

Women? Interested in sex?

Nameless

2009-07-30, 04:51 AM

Women? Interested in sex?

:smallbiggrin:

almightyk

2009-07-30, 05:03 AM

manson is not and never claimed to be the anti christ

Eldan

2009-07-30, 05:15 AM

We all know he is Vampire Cthulhu in disguise. It says so when you play his CDs backwards.

Ecalsneerg

2009-07-30, 05:32 AM

manson is not and never claimed to be the anti christ

The Anti-Christ would probably have some talent. :smallamused:

billtodamax

2009-07-30, 05:37 AM

The Anti-Christ would probably have some talent. :smallamused:

Oh I'm sorry Manson, do you need some ice for that buuuurn!

Nameless

2009-07-30, 05:40 AM

The Anti-Christ would probably have some talent. :smallamused:

Whether you like MM or not, he’s pretty damn talented. :smalltongue:

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 05:47 AM

Nah, he'd just be actually popular rather than a token niche.

Also, Nameless, you forgot that "It's more likely than you think." Unless you're agreeing with the sentiment.

Emperor Ing

2009-07-30, 05:58 AM

I dunno, but I think that that list is WAY too broad. Essentially, yes. Every single male (and a very good chunk of females) are Goth.
Kinda hypocritical, since early mideval churches drew heavily on Gothic architecture. :smalltongue:

Exeson

2009-07-30, 06:05 AM

This makes me laugh, and then it makes me want to reach for my beatstick.

They should add that,

-your child owns and threatens to use a beatstick against a member of the clergy.

:smalltongue:

Eldan

2009-07-30, 06:11 AM

-Your child thinks this list is funny, shows it to his friends on an internet forum (which is a place where ancient egyptian wicca satanists meet) and adds more points to the list himself.

Bouregard

2009-07-30, 06:14 AM

I'm interested in gothic architecture, I like the Gothic PC Game... damm it, now I'm a goth to. Screw you swine flu, goths are the things to fear!

However, anyoway I don't expect the church to actually like me...

I really hope this list is a joke...noone could be that stubborn... or not?

Eldan

2009-07-30, 06:15 AM

-Your child owns a large battle axe, fur armor, grows a beard and intends to sack rome?

Jinura

2009-07-30, 06:15 AM

Let's see what I fit into.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Eats excessively or too little

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

violently shakes head to music. ( Headbanging may occur.. More as a joke tough.)

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. ( So Elvis was a goth? )

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates. ( As said before. Every man ever is a goth? )

Eldan

2009-07-30, 06:17 AM

Of course Elvis is a goth. Why do you think he died?

Nameless

2009-07-30, 06:18 AM

-Your child owns a large battle axe, fur armor, grows a beard and intends to sack rome?

I'm at work lawling hard. :smallbiggrin:

Nameless

2009-07-30, 06:20 AM

-Masturbates. ( As said before. Every man ever is a goth? )

Women masturbate too you know.

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 06:20 AM

^: Harder to tell, greater stigma, less interest, etc. etc.

-Your child owns a large battle axe, fur armor, grows a beard and intends to sack rome?

I dunno, could be a time displaced viking (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ms2oCJ5IkpA)...

Ravens_cry

2009-07-30, 06:21 AM

-Your child owns a large battle axe, fur armor, grows a beard and intends to sack rome?
And if they charge it all to your credit card, they are a Visa-goth.
ba-Dum-TIISSSHHH!

Eldan

2009-07-30, 06:23 AM

Now I totally want to found a subculture of young people wearing dark age weaponry and calling themselves "Theodahad", "Vitiges" and "Alaric".

Nameless

2009-07-30, 06:29 AM

Now I totally want to found a subculture of young people wearing dark age weaponry and calling themselves "Theodahad", "Vitiges" and "Alaric".

Neo-Vikings?

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 06:35 AM

So, these are me... about...*counts*
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14! 14 Bats, ahahahahah!-Frequently wears black clothing.
It's such a slimming non-color...
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
(Specifically, is what they say about tongue piercings on girls true? :smalltongue:)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
<_< AM one.
-Takes drugs.
Ahh prescriptions. They make you evil.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
Though nowadays I'm always accompanied by the adult in the back of my head...:/
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
A two-fer!
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
luddites, lawl.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
(Duh, A Man is not a Virgin (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AManIsNotAVirgin) after all.)

Eldan: Ah'll a-rick-roll you! :smallwink::smallbiggrin:

V: Mebbe... bebbeh...:smalltongue:

Mordokai

2009-07-30, 06:36 AM

I dunno, could be a time displaced viking (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ms2oCJ5IkpA)...

Ooooooooh, you mean like this one? (http://www.amazon.com/Viking-Unchained-Time-Travel-Sandra-Hill/dp/0425222950) :smallbiggrin:

Eldan

2009-07-30, 06:38 AM

Neo-Vikings?

Right. I forgot. Every ridiculous idea I have already exists.

horngeek

2009-07-30, 06:40 AM

And if they charge it all to your credit card, they are a Visa-goth.
ba-Dum-TIISSSHHH!

*dies from pun damage*

Neko Toast

2009-07-30, 06:45 AM

Guess I should come out, guys. I'm gothic. :smallamused:

I remember seeing this article in high school. I lawl'd at it then, and I lawl at it now.

Agamid

2009-07-30, 06:46 AM

complains of boredom and watches cable tv? riiiight, i guess that's most teenagers then.

Edit: and i never realised that masturbating was goth, i guess all you non-goths have something to thank us for then :smalltongue:

Eldan

2009-07-30, 06:50 AM

Well, all Teenagers are evil by definition, right?
That's why they all watch cable TV, which makes them eviler.

Winterwind

2009-07-30, 06:55 AM

Awww, I only got about 12 of those right. That means I cannot compete with the gothy Gothiness of most of you (even more) supreme Goths, right? What should I do to ascend further in the favour of Lord Satan? :smalleek:

More seriously: Wow. I really hope this is a parody, though it having been issued by a church makes me skeptical about that (or does it merely claim it was?). If it is for real, it's... quite sad, really.
But no matter what it is, it's also absolutely hilarious. :smallbiggrin:

Nameless

2009-07-30, 06:58 AM

Eldan

2009-07-30, 06:59 AM

Yeah, well, but judging from your pictures, you mght actually be goth. I have 15 and wouldn't call myself a goth, or even similar to one.

Tiger Duck

2009-07-30, 07:00 AM

I stranded at about 6, so I'm almost not a Goth according to this list.:smallbiggrin:

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:03 AM

I stranded at about 6, so I'm almost not a Goth according to this list.:smallbiggrin:

No, you're above Goth. You only needed 5. :smalltongue:

Yeah, well, but judging from your pictures, you mght actually be goth. I have 15 and wouldn't call myself a goth, or even similar to one.

I'm too cool for lables. :smallcool:

Winterwind

2009-07-30, 07:06 AM

Pfft, even I'm more hardcore then that. :smalltongue:Oh, actually, I just counted again, and there were quite a few I missed. Now I got 18, 19 if roleplaying falls under "Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.". I'm so relieved. :smallcool:

(and just for clarification, there is pretty much nothing gothy about me)

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:08 AM

Ziren

2009-07-30, 07:08 AM

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

A whoopin' 23 hits. Though my favourite one is one that doesn't apply to me:

"-Is homosexual and/or bisexual."

Homosexual AND bisexual? Oh boy.

Agamid

2009-07-30, 07:08 AM

oh yeah, and 31/37

Eldan

2009-07-30, 07:08 AM

Oh, actually, I just counted again, and there were quite a few I missed. Now I got 18, 19 if roleplaying falls under "Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.". I'm so relieved. :smallcool:

(and just for clarification, there is pretty much nothing gothy about me)

Yeah, I counted the occult interest too. I mean, I went to look up where they got the names of Vestiges from when I wanted to play a binder and ten minutes later I was reading about the Key of Salomon, summoning circles, demonology and alchemy. That stuff is interesting, dammit!

Tiger Duck

2009-07-30, 07:09 AM

No, you're above Goth. You only needed 5. :smalltongue:

Yea I know I'm Goth according to that list. But I nearly wasn't and that's my point.:smallbiggrin:

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:09 AM

oh yeah, and 31/37

Curses, you beat me. :smalltongue:

Eldan

2009-07-30, 07:10 AM

So, you only need to stop watching TV and wear black clothes and you're fine!

Actually, does "watches DVDs and entire series he downloaded or borrowed from friends" count as watching TV? Because it must have been weeks since I used the TV for something other than console gaming.

Winterwind

2009-07-30, 07:11 AM

I got 26 though. :smalltongue:Alright, I surrender to your supreme Gothiness. :smallbiggrin:

Kaelaroth

2009-07-30, 07:12 AM

So I'm 15 or so points over what's required to be a goth? Better go harry the Roman empire...

_Zoot_

2009-07-30, 07:12 AM

.....

13.

So, I’m a Goth?

Well, this is new...... I think I’ll need more black clothes.......

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:12 AM

Alright, I surrender to your supreme Gothiness. :smallbiggrin:

Correction, 28.

RAWR I R EVILZ!
Fear my bright red nail polish and eye liner!

Agamid

2009-07-30, 07:13 AM

Curses, you beat me. :smalltongue:

hehe, and it'll be 32 if my cousin follows through with her threat/promise to drag be to pole-dancing classes when i move in with her.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

Dallas-Dakota

2009-07-30, 07:14 AM

22/37

I'm not that Gothy, but then again I never claimed or tried to be one, so that might be a cause.:smalltongue:

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:14 AM

hehe, and it'll be 32 if my cousin follows through with her threat/promise to drag be to pole-dancing classes when i move in with her.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

I wasn't sure if jokingly doing it at a party counted, so I left it out. :smalltongue:

Dallas-Dakota

2009-07-30, 07:16 AM

Wait I'm only 6 lower then Nameless? o.0
This surprises me...

Agamid

2009-07-30, 07:16 AM

I wasn't sure if jokingly doing it at a party counted, so I left it out. :smalltongue:

i think everyone, goth or no, has done that.

Neko Toast

2009-07-30, 07:17 AM

This thread is starting to remind me of a clip from That 70's Show... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcFRd1GzxsE)

SATAN'S SECOND CHOICE IS ROOT BEER!

Eldan

2009-07-30, 07:17 AM

Actually... I need to know their description of satanic symbols. If it's as broad as their definition of goth, maybe various math symbols count!

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:17 AM

Wait I'm only 6 lower then Nameless? o.0
This surprises me...

Well, I would be 29 if i counted the joke-sexual dancing.
And 30 if I claim to be a Goth. :smalltongue:

Winterwind

2009-07-30, 07:18 AM

Actually... I need to know their description of satanic symbols. If it's as broad as their definition of goth, maybe various math symbols count!Oooh, sweet, that would qualify for me, too, then! :smallbiggrin:

Eldan

2009-07-30, 07:19 AM

"Woe is me!"

There. That's another one. Now, how do I get the rest in... need to ask people for a few band T-shirts.

Agamid

2009-07-30, 07:20 AM

i'm surprised that they didn't mention 'an aversion to sunlight' or 'an unnatural lightening of the skin'

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:21 AM

i think everyone, goth or no, has done that.

Either way, Goths are awesome. :smallbiggrin:

i'm surprised that they didn't mention 'an aversion to sunlight' or 'an unnatural lightening of the skin'

Or having black hair... even if it's natural. :smalltongue:

toasty

2009-07-30, 07:25 AM

As a note, while this list may be a parody I have people who do honestly believe Roleplaying, Anime, Metal and Harry Potter all lead to Satan.

Also... no... I'm not a goth. I'm a geeky who listens to metal. What you have outlined is a typical teenager asserting his or her (HISER!) desire to be more independent. Get a life, please. :smallsigh:

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:28 AM

SDF

2009-07-30, 07:30 AM

I racked up 27. I included sexy dancing. I'm not very goth.

The best part is that claiming to be goth is on the list of what makes you goth, but if you only have that, a drug habit, and are contemplating suicide you still don't count as goth or need any kind of help.

Also, what the bonkers is Count Dracula cereal and where can I get some?

Neko Toast

2009-07-30, 07:31 AM

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:31 AM

KuReshtin

2009-07-30, 07:39 AM

I only got 19/31.

Although I'm not sure if I should include:

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

After all, I'm 34 years old. Some of my friends that I hang out with are 40+.

UnChosenOne

2009-07-30, 07:40 AM

18/37... Lol. Most of those things are things that we normal non gothic peoples do every day. But thanks this list I feel that i must go and sack the Rome.

PS: I did write this whille listening folkmetal so I must be Pagan too... :smallbiggrin:

Nameless

2009-07-30, 07:43 AM

Eldan

2009-07-30, 07:44 AM

Perhaps there are "normal" nongothic people, and "non-normal" nongothic people? :smallwink:

mikeejimbo

2009-07-30, 07:46 AM

Gem Flower

2009-07-30, 07:46 AM

You know, in some way, shape, or form, I fill 26 of those requirements. I didn't know I was goth!:smallbiggrin:

Eldan

2009-07-30, 07:53 AM

I like how the list just got worse and worse.

Reminds me of the "Is your child a hacker?" article though... I wonder if I can find that...

Edit: Found it!
! (http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html)

I sincerely hope it's a joke though.

This one, perhaps? (http://www.rajuabju.com/warezirc/childahacker.htm) It tells you how quake is a virtual reality hacker training tool.

mikeejimbo

2009-07-30, 07:54 AM

This one, perhaps? (http://www.rajuabju.com/warezirc/childahacker.htm) It tells you how quake is a virtual reality hacker training tool.

Yep, that's the list I was thinking of.

Eldan

2009-07-30, 07:55 AM

"If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well."

"There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond."

Oh, and a last one: "Lunix" is an evil, illegal hacker operating system made by the soviets in the cold war.

Cristo Meyers

2009-07-30, 08:00 AM

Holy crap...here I am, taking a quick break from work, sitting at my desk job, here I thought I was normal...

...nope, judging from the fact that I fulfilled about half of those criteria, I'm a goth...

I...I never knew. Can someone recommend a good brand of black nail polish? It appears I've got some catching up to do.

If I didn't know better, I'd question if that article was actually serious.

Eldan

2009-07-30, 08:00 AM

"They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program."

Holy dung. Tell me this is a joke, Please.

Nameless

2009-07-30, 08:07 AM

"They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program."

Holy dung. Tell me this is a joke, Please.

There there, it's okay. don't listen to the silly American daddy.

loopy

2009-07-30, 08:08 AM

Heh, I remember doing this quiz thing back when I was a youth leader, and marking all but 3-4 off.

Christian youth leader. Well done, quiz. Lets try it again:

-Frequently wears black clothing. (though less than I used to)
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. Random pendants and things. Hooray accessories!
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. Pretty much got every tattoo I want to get mapped out, though I haven't gotten any yet.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) While I'm not a fan of Manson as a person, his music is pretty decent. These types would also claim that raves are anti-social. Which is wrong, raves are pretty much the most social places out there. :smallbiggrin:
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. Hell, ravers tap all three by themselves, and they don't wear much black.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. I'm slowly falling away from the church, but thats my own doing really. But gotta love how three of the four things listed are religion-y, and sports aren't necessarily wholesome.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. Its called fiction. It interests me. Big whoop.
-Takes drugs. *cough*
-Drinks alcohol. Since the age of 12. Now I'm known as one of the most well adjusted people around, so eh.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. Unfortunately this is true.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

Thats right. People cut themselves for SATAN.
-Complains of boredom. Thats right kids, boredom is of the devil, so constantly badger your parents for things to do!
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. Half of one, half of the other.
-Is excessively awake during the night. The only time I've ever been *excessively* awake is when I got slipped some speed by one of my mates. Though this did happen at night. :smalltongue:
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. Otherwise known as "being a teenager".
-Spends large amounts of time alone. Look, I'm a people person, but I still need time to myself.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) Cos I know thats why I request time alone. Parents, if ever your child requests quiet, do not rejoice at this un-childlike behavior, instead bang a symbol loudly next to their head while screaming "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU, DEMON!" until they feel like being social and loud again.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. Okay. There was one father who would accompany his teenage (17/14 year old) kids to youth group every week. This being christian youth group, otherwise known as the most wholesome place besides the house a teenager can possibly be. The teens were both mortified and depressed by this.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. If authority figures are speaking crap like this, they obviously should be disregarded. Or are we going for "unthinking obediance" now?
-Misbehaves at school. Otherwise known as "being a teenager". Of course, this depends on the level of misbehavior.
-Misbehaves at home. (Okay, this one is a definite sign of a troubled kid, but not an indicator of goth...dom...hood...ness)
-Eats excessively or too little. Yeah, I have the worst eating habits in the world.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. My personal favorite. "Count Dracula cereal, a free social identity in every box!"
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

Drinking blood increases a vampires power level to over NINE THOUSAAAAND!!! Btw, I'm not sure what "attain Satan[sic]" means.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) Thats right parents, with your church you no longer need to make any parenting decisions, just ask your local church what to do!
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. A hobby, not a crime.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. I'm a problematic internet user, but I don't think this is really related to being a goth.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. While as a Christian (if lapsing slightly) I am a bit uncomfortable with satanic symbols and imagery, headbanging is fun.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. Music is meant to provoke a reaction, and I can crump with the best of them. :smallbiggrin:
-Expresses an interest in sex. Otherwise known as "being a human".
-Masturbates. Hooray, every male ever, you are part goth!
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

Thought about it, have gay/bi mates, but I'm not.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. Since when is Philosophy a religion?
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". If anyone buys me one of those pins, I will be their friend for life.
-Claims to be a goth.

Just like every piece of random scaremongering that provokes church reaction, it ends up doing more damage than good. Thank God my church is one of the good ones (though not perfect, it tries, especially on the "everyone sins but God forgives all" part).

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 08:11 AM

^: You're known to be well adjusted for your area? :smallconfused:

...That's kinda scary, sir.

i'm surprised that they didn't mention 'an aversion to sunlight' or 'an unnatural lightening of the skin'

Racism, that's why.

Mauve Shirt

2009-07-30, 08:11 AM

Heehee. I join the "goth and had no idea" club.
The funniest parts I think are count chocula cereal and "woe is me" stickers.

Nameless

2009-07-30, 08:13 AM

Racism, that's why.

So homophobia is okay then? :smalltongue:

Dallas-Dakota

2009-07-30, 08:13 AM

Oh my! I spend more then 30 minutes on the computer a day! I surely must be a computer hacker!:smalleek:

loopy

2009-07-30, 08:15 AM

So homophobia is okay then? :smalltongue:

Of course it is. And if you think it isn't, you must be one of them gays!

Of course, I am joking.

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 08:16 AM

So homophobia is okay then? :smalltongue:

Well, considering the source, homophobia's in the job description.

Racism they have to be slightly more subtle about these days.

...Also, I was replying to someone's quip that tied into racism rather than gay-bashing. :smallconfused: Weirdo.

ghost_warlock

2009-07-30, 08:16 AM

gothcred
-Frequently wears black clothing.
Most certainly.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
Definitely.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
I wore necklaces in high school/early college, but some of my shirts have some interesting "symbols" on them these days.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Chicks with body piercings are hawt!
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.
Not so much goth as anti-social...or pro-social depending on perspective and range-of-vision.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Yes, gamers and social workers/sociologists certainly have some eccentric jargon, don't we! :smallbiggrin:
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Forum inappropriate.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Here, let me roll up an ur-priest for ya, how's about that?
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Ye gods, especially in high school and college! Not so bad these days, but depression will likely be a life-long issue.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
A fascination of scarification, especially when I was in high school.
-Complains of boredom.
Human brains crave stimulation.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
Why would I want to spend a large part of my life essentially in a coma?
-Is excessively awake during the night.
I work the graveyard shift, so yeah.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
If the van is a rocking...
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
I spend the majority of most every night sitting alone in a hallway. I get paid to do this.
-Requests time alone and quietness.
Doesn't everyone enjoy peace and quite from time to time?
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
So bonding with my cohort is a bad thing? :smallconfused:
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
*cough* Well, duh, logical fallacy. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argument_from_authority) *cough*
-Misbehaves at school.
In my youth, certainly! See the bullying thread...
-Misbehaves at home.
Naughty time is some of the best time!
-Eats excessively or too little.
Depends a lot on my mood and what does or does not sound tasty today.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
Count Chocula is the bomb!
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
I don't have cable, but I've been known to watch TV-on-DVD and YouTube.
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
:smalltongue:
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
Almost every waking moment on some days...
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
|_|
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
I like to move it, move it...
-Expresses an interest in sex.
I'm not asexual so, yeah.
-Masturbates.
Don't most people?
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
So, what about the anthropologists and sociologists who study these?
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
"Reality is for people who can't handle Fantasy"

31...and I prefer the term "nature boy" rather than goth, thank you very much! :smallmad:/gothcred

Cristo Meyers

2009-07-30, 08:16 AM

Heehee. I join the "goth and had no idea" club.
The funniest parts I think are count chocula cereal and "woe is me" stickers.

We should get together and celebrate our newfound gothdom with something.

...maybe bowling.

Miss Nobody

2009-07-30, 08:19 AM

27/37. I'm too Goth to be labeled as Goth.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
Black is beautiful

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
Leave my band T-shirts alone.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
Well, not excessive, but...

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
Silver is awesome.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
I listen to Gothic Metal (and other metal subgenres) and some Gothic Rock. Touch my albums and you're dead.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
I like reading about this stuff.

-Drinks alcohol.
Though pretty rarely.

-Complains of boredom.
Because boredom is so GAWTH.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.
Sometimes...

-Eats excessively or too little

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
Cable TV is evuuul incarnate.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Expresses an interest in sex.
Like all living beings that ever existed.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
I like Philosophy, but since when is it a cult religion?

Well, it could be 30/37 if I counted things that only partially apply to me. Now, excuse me, I've got to go and sack Rome. :smalltongue:

Dallas-Dakota

2009-07-30, 08:20 AM

*joins the newly founded Goth and had no Idea'' Club.

Bowling sounds good.

Oh wait, it sounds....meh....

Was that more goth?:smalltongue:

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 08:21 AM

I also like how they're metallist against silver.

Gold Standard my ass...

Jalor

2009-07-30, 08:21 AM

Let's see...
-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.
30/37

It's obviously a parody though. Count Chocula cereal, a "goth food"? I wasn't even aware there were "goth foods".

loopy

2009-07-30, 08:24 AM

I also like how they're metallist against silver.

Gold Standard my ass...

In my day we used tin and we were happy with it, you damn whipper-snapper!

Eldan

2009-07-30, 08:25 AM

I remember, we used to walk to the bronze smith, uphill both ways...

Tiger Duck

2009-07-30, 08:25 AM

and in the snow

Cristo Meyers

2009-07-30, 08:26 AM

and in the snow

...for fif-teen miles!

Eldan

2009-07-30, 08:31 AM

Pah! We used to dream about walkin' in the snow. When I was young, it rained acid!

Winterwind

2009-07-30, 08:40 AM

Acid? We would have been glad about it raining acid! When I was young, it never rained any fluids, only radioactive dust! And we had to walk for a hundred miles every day through glass shards and rusty blades only find some contaminated liquid to drink!

When did this thread turn into a Monty Python sketch? :smallbiggrin:

Syka

2009-07-30, 08:47 AM

So glad I'm not the only one who went "Wait...since when is philosophy a religion? :smallconfused:"

I got 26. I'm not ACTUALLY goth (the subculture), although many would label me under that (particularly during high school) and though I sometimes dress up as such for the heck of it. Now, I think I am actually Goth (the culture) since I'm part German and it is likely I've got some Visigoth blood in my veins. :)

It doesn't surprise me how much of that fit me (hell, I'm wearing black nail polish as we speak), but I don't actually count myself as a goth. Since, you know, I also wear bright colors and am only pale cause of the whole "burns when in sun too long but never quite tans" thing. I'm some weird melding of goth, punk, surfer, prep, and rocker. It's an interesting combo. :smallbiggrin:

loopy

2009-07-30, 08:52 AM

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 08:55 AM

...The idea of someone who bursts into flame from the sun's rays surfing is a bizarre one to say the least though, ma'am.

loopy

2009-07-30, 09:05 AM

...The idea of someone who bursts into flame from the sun's rays surfing is a bizarre one to say the least though, ma'am.

Bizarrely AWESOME!

(had to be said)

Kaelaroth

2009-07-30, 09:10 AM

Don't worry, though, even if you are a goth, you can still dance. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbLIa_egdUU&feature=related)

toasty

2009-07-30, 09:46 AM

"What's I've outlined?" :smallconfused:

Erm.... what this article thingie outlined. Sorry.

Ecalsneerg

2009-07-30, 10:15 AM

Better see how gothy I am...

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

So... 24/37 ain't bad. Quick, get me one of those "Woe is me" badges so I can put it up to 25!

SurlySeraph

2009-07-30, 11:59 AM

Let's see how I do!

-Frequently wears black clothing.
Yep!

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
...Of Christian bands.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
I want to get a crucifix on the left side of my chest and a Cross of St. James on my right shoulder blade. Clearly I am in the thrall of Satan.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Well, I listen to some Slayer, Morbid Angel, and Amon Amarth, but I mostly avoid their actually-blasphemous songs, so - wait genres? Not artists? OK, metal does it then.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
But death and violence are interesting. And directly or indirectly an important theme in pretty much everything in media or art ever.

-Drinks alcohol.
Very, very rarely. But since we're throwing reason out the window might as well throw it in.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Unwanted chemical imbalances in your brain are teh gothikk.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
Once. Well, three times. As penance for things I'd done wrong.

-Complains of boredom.
Damn you, summer, for making me a Goth.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
I can't sleep when I'm this bored!

-Is excessively awake during the night.
See above.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
Why do they list the same criterion three times?

-Eats excessively or too little
I think I eat excessively, my family thinks I eat too little. Might as well throw it in.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
I assume black velvet cupcakes count? Because I had one of those just last month. And if they don't, red wine probably does.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Yes, slaying demons as a paladin of Shiny-Light-Von-Basically-The-Christian-God-With-A-Different-Name makes me Chaotic Evil.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
Headbanging increases enjoyment of the music by up to 30%. And throwing the horns while listening to metal is fun.

-Expresses an interest in sex.
Um... I never express it, at least not around my family. But seriously, this makes everyone who isn't a monk, a (Catholic) priest, or extremely shy and reserved a goth.

-Masturbates.
No comment.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Philosophy is a cult now? Well, since Utilitarianism is a form of Philosophy, this applies. Alas, my devotion to the Greater Good has made me an evul goff.

22/37. I'm a goth more than four times over. Good Lord. I really hope that quiz is a parody.

Icewalker

2009-07-30, 12:22 PM

Totally never realized I was a goth. Fun, considering that I'm one of the most optimistic people I know. :smallbiggrin:

FdL

2009-07-30, 02:20 PM

Awesome, I'm a goth! :o

I knew that being pale would eventually pay off! :D

I think it might have something to do with who signs that quoted list, but I've never read anything this stupid in a long time :p

Tamburlaine

2009-07-30, 02:24 PM

Only 24 out of 37? I feel like I'm not living up to my evil potential.

eidreff

2009-07-30, 02:34 PM

What scares me is that there are people that truly believe lists like that and various other levels of venom and bile.

I seem to remember some truly risible cartoons warning about the dangers of roleplay games. My parents (who incidentally are practicing Catholics and brought me my first DnD Basic set back in the 80s) made me watch them, but only because they thought they were funny.

The people that make lists like that would also burn huge piles of books (and possibly people too)

mikeejimbo

2009-07-30, 02:47 PM

It's 10% that make the other 90% look bad, you know. Probably less than 10%, really.

Incidentally, I wonder if the people who hate roleplaying also hate actors. That means no television, movies, theater, opera.

Heck, by that extension they should hate books. What is roleplaying but fiction? No books either, except maybe non-fiction.

Destro_Yersul

2009-07-30, 03:00 PM

I want to do that one with the Vodka...

Oh, and apparently I'm goth too. Guess I shouldn't have bought those black t-shirts with the amusing images on them. :smalltongue:

AstralFire

2009-07-30, 03:11 PM

8/37. I made it through most of the list without being Gothified.

Evil DM Mark3

2009-07-30, 03:41 PM

This is hillarious. I am going to sarc this one up I think.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
--Tuxes are Goth? I never knew. All those men at posh dinners are Goth. Wow.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
--You there, you in the Doctor Pepper's Lonely heart Club Band t shirt. You Goth?

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
--Personaly I would classify any black makeup as excessive.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
--Not sure how one wears a symbol other than as jewelry but don't we seen such on hippies as much as anyone. Goth hippies.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
--So BIKERS are Goth now? When did that happen!?

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
--Wait, if they listen to Goth music then they are a Goth. BUT if they listen to music that is NOT Goth but is also not nice they they are Goth. So they are Goth, even if they are not Goth? That's almost Zen...

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
--Mothers of the US beware! Do not let your friends hang around Ren fairs or craft fairs, they will go Goth!

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
--Declining interest in church, church, church and sport you mean? So when I stopped going to Sunday School (seeing as I was never into sport) I became Goth? I mean I still do the other stuff, not much but I do, so it has declined.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
--So Satan is the cause of death? That seems interesting. What is the Phylospher's stone then? Satan repellant. Besides I would have assumed that the Grim Reaper might have somthing to say about Satan taking over his job like that.

-Takes drugs.
--There is more and more evidence here that Hippies are Goth. I never knew.

-Drinks alcohol.
--Hang on, so two thirds of Europeans are Goth? Almost 80% of adult americans? My dad?

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
--Does Goth cause mental illness or does mental illness cause Goth? In either case we can treat and/or cure suidial tendencies and/or depression. Thus we can treat and/or cure Goth!

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
--It makes so much sense now! If my children are driven to self harm then it is not because I have failed to keep a close enough eye on them. No. Just like them trying to commit suicide there is no underling medical or physcological cause. There is GOTH!

-Complains of boredom.
--Because all non-Goths are busy reading the most riveting release, Further tenuous Bible comparisons volume 987234. One point however. Is it boredom they symptom here, or complaining about it.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
--Sleeping too excessively OR too little. Glad to see we have covered all the bases, well all of them save just plain excessively. Only those sleeping too excessively are included, moderately excessively is fine.

-Is excessively awake during the night.
--I wonder. What is the differance between being too awake at night and not getting enough sleep? Anyway I must remember to avoid night shift people. Don't want to get Goth on me.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
--Because all teenagers love to have their personal lives under massive perental scrutiny at all times.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.
--Because all teenagers love to have their personal lives under massive perental scrutiny at all times.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
--Because all teenagers love to have their personal lives under massive perental scrutiny at all times.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
--Because all teenagers love to have their personal lives under massive perental scrutiny at all times. OK I know this joke has been done too much but by this point all teenagers have 4 of 5 Goth points.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
--Oh right, because all teenagers are utterly incapable of lashing out and asserting themselves in an attempt to understand the world in which they live from their changing perspective.

-Misbehaves at school.
--Because all teenagers are utterly incapable of lashing out and asserting themselves in an attempt to understand the world in which they live from their changing perspective.

-Misbehaves at home.
--Because all teenagers are utterly incapable of lashing out and asserting themselves in an attempt to understand the world in which they live from their changing perspective. (De ja vu of de ja vu? Anyway teenagers at 7 for 5! All teenagers are Goth!)

-Eats excessively or too little
--Covering all our bases again!

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
--Of course! This explains why so many people who ate Captain Crunch instead joined the navy!

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
--Vampires try and attain Satan? How does that work? 10 pints and he makes a private apperance for you? 50 pints and he moves in? I want to attain Satan, if only for the novelty of owning the Prince of Darkness.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
--Oh, so anyone who is not censored by the US government is evil?

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
--Ok sarcasm off. You agree with Jack Chick. I can't even pretend to agree with you here. Sarcasm back on.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
--All those steriotyped nerds with their thick glasses and pocket protectors are Goth too! I can't beleve it! Only the Luddites shall be saved from Goth!

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
--I never realised that the Heavy Metal culture and the Goth culture where identical. I mean, there seems to be a lot of difference for a lot of them. Punk too. But about those horns, I never realised that a gesture originating in the medeterainian as an insination that your wife was unfaithful has such Goth underpinnings!

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
--Wow, recalling what they said about the Charleston when it first came out this means that the Bright Young Things where Goths! Wooster was a Goth! It all makes sense!

-Expresses an interest in sex.
--Only the Asexual will be saved!

-Masturbates.
--The sex drive is Goth! More proof that only the Asexual are free!

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
--I told you Asexuals only!

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
--Jean-Paul Charles Aymard Sartre, existentialist philosopher, playwright, novelist, screenwriter, political activist, biographer, literary critic and GOTH!

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
--Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrase "I'm a goth". I cant understand, this seems so insane, I can't see how this is possible! It seems so counter-intuative!

-Claims to be a goth.
--I would never have guessed that last one. Not in a million years.

arguskos

2009-07-30, 03:49 PM

11/37. Not a bad amount. I'm only a goth twice. XD

This list is hilarious! "Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this." Heh, Count Chocula.

eidreff

2009-07-30, 03:52 PM

Snip.....

-Claims to be a goth.
--I would never have guessed that last one. Not in a million years.

Anyone claiming to have invaded ancient Rome must be a rum cove!

I am of a certain sartorial persuasion, I am not however wearing ANY black at this time... does that mean that I am incognito? Undercover? A gothic double-agent?

Malfunctioned

2009-07-30, 04:05 PM

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Looking into getting an eyebrow piercing.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Many different types of rock music....maybe techno if that counts as well.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

Nameless, that is all.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
I'm currently trying to write a campaign setting/comic, set in a world where the apocalypse has occured, what do you think I'll be spending my time doing. :smalltongue:

-Drinks alcohol.

-Complains of boredom.

Teenager

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

Teenage nerd.....

-Eats excessively or too little

Very fast metabolism.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. Teenage nerd again.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. One of the reasons I grew my hair was to head bang. :smalltongue:

-Masturbates
-Expresses an interest in sex.
Teenager...AGAIN :smallbiggrin:. So I guess I'm a goth then?

Dhavaer

2009-07-30, 04:09 PM

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

14. Looks like I have work to do.

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 04:17 PM

Y'know what I'm reminded of by this thread's title?

Bad 90's commercials which asked "IS YOUR CAT A PIRATE?!"

Anyway, yeah, you're going to have to go get Teen Pregnant

-Blea-oom, BLEA-OOM!- (http://www.homestarrunner.com/cheatcommandos4.html)

Evil DM Mark3

2009-07-30, 04:23 PM

-Blea-oom, BLEA-OOM!- (http://www.homestarrunner.com/cheatcommandos4.html)That is an inapropriate peer-to-teen choice behaviour!

KuReshtin

2009-07-30, 04:43 PM

We should get together and celebrate our newfound gothdom with something.

...maybe bowling.

Let's go to Blackpool!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5Dny-s27Dk)

Icewalker

2009-07-30, 05:19 PM

You know, I just realized one of the most entertaining things about this list: think about people who, via this list, are technically goths.

For example, Elvis.

Huge numbers of people (almost everyone) do the following, so you've got a nice head start:
-Expresses an interest in sex
-Drinks alcohol.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by a chaperone (adult).
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.

There are a number of others which are easy to fall into, so it shouldn't be hard to start pinning down interesting people.

Hey, pretty much any trained Astronaut:
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by a chaperone (adult).
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.

And a number of other likely or possible ones apply to them...

Buzz Aldrin, you little gothic rascal.

Winterwind

2009-07-30, 06:11 PM

Hey, pretty much any trained Astronaut:
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by a chaperone (adult).
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.

And a number of other likely or possible ones apply to them...

Buzz Aldrin, you little gothic rascal.Well, people who believe in this list most likely also think the world is flat, there is no space flight and the moon landing was faked, so this part is actually logically consistent. :smalltongue:

Recaiden

2009-07-30, 06:16 PM

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Sleeps excessively.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.Sleep)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Expresses an interest in drinking blood.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

21 of them, huh? I must be in huge risk.

Cyrano

2009-07-30, 06:26 PM

Cryssandra

2009-07-30, 06:58 PM

How did I do?

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) - Heh I don't speak to spirits....

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

21/37

Mr. Mud

2009-07-30, 08:13 PM

The local parish around here is called St. Mary's...

>.>
<.<

Hell Puppi

2009-07-30, 08:22 PM

HOLY CRAP. I narrowly avoided most of the list. Then it hit me.

THIS FORUM.

BLACK TEXT.

That pushed me over the brink. Coincidentally, I managed to stub all 20 of my digits and they look oddly...black. I think they were right. Satan is coming for me.

Are you kidding? He's going to be busy in Memphis all this week.
He may get to you around the middle of next month, but I doubt it. It's just that time of the year. Busy Busy.

Edit: I've put in a word about you. Would the 15th be okay? Say noonish?

SurlySeraph

2009-07-30, 08:26 PM

HOLY CRAP. I narrowly avoided most of the list. Then it hit me.

THIS FORUM.

BLACK TEXT.

That pushed me over the brink. Coincidentally, I managed to stub all 20 of my digits and they look oddly...black. I think they were right. Satan is coming for me.

D'anna, have I mentioned that I love you recently? In a purely Platonic, abstract way of couroh who am I kidding I want to have your babies.

almightyk

2009-07-30, 08:27 PM

I dunno, could be a time displaced viking (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ms2oCJ5IkpA)...

or perhaps these? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Lost_Vikings.png)

Coidzor

2009-07-30, 08:38 PM

Nah, chillens aren't that awesome.

<_< Now we just need a brave volunteer to do up the reverse list of "Is Your Goth a Child?" and do a tribute topic.

Surly, I'm loving the avatar, btw.

d13

2009-07-30, 08:56 PM

OMG I'm sooooooooooo goth (23 of them xD).

http://media.photobucket.com/image/goth%20lolcat/Clintiskeen/lolcat2.jpg

Wait...so every male ever is gothic?

Actually, every teenager+, according to the list xD.

Though I must partially agree with this...

Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

There it is. Fixed.

Mystic Muse

2009-07-30, 10:10 PM

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.(almost every freakin teen on the planet does this.) 1.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.(applies to their religion as well) 2.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music (pretty much every type of music) 3.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.(ah so avoid every single human being. gotcha) 4.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. (pretty much every human being) 5.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.(so you think I'm evil because I like monsters, different religions and thinking about what happens when we die?) 6.

-Complains of boredom. (umm. you mean every kid on the planet ever?) 7.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.( you mean normal teens?) 8.

-Is excessively awake during the night.(you mean normal teens?) 9.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.(means nothing) 10.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.(means nothing) 11.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) (umm no because loud noises do not help you concentrate and sometimes people annoy you.) 12.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. (umm. normal teens?) 13.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. (so thinking for yourself is wrong?) 14.

-Misbehaves at home. (so every kid ever?) 15.

-Eats excessively or too little (every human being) 16.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. (you mean count chocula? you're discriminating against a cereal because it has a vampire on it? next you'll tell me "the count" from sesame street is evil)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) ( :smallsigh:) 17.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. (you mean EVERY SINGLE VIDEO GAME THAT ISN"T RATED EC?!) 18.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. (because the computer is only evil and can't help you with research or school.) 19.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. (if by "pursuit" you mean study then no no no no no no no. I also think it's funny how they write two of the most peaceful religions there are.) 20. (in the study sense.)

okay well looks like I got twenty. :smallbiggrin: PM me for why this is funny.

Icewalker

2009-07-30, 10:24 PM

I only have thirteen, makes me feel like a sissy. I'm good with it though. :smallbiggrin:

Raistlin1040

2009-07-30, 10:43 PM

I got 29 and a half.

Em Blackleaf

2009-07-30, 11:48 PM

Well. Apparently I'm a goth. Can you guys save me from myself? :smalltongue:

FdL

2009-07-30, 11:57 PM

Hell Puppi

2009-07-30, 11:57 PM

Well. Apparently I'm a goth. Can you guys save me from myself? :smalltongue:

....

...

Now you're just making them think dirty thoughts on purpose. Which is somehow fitting and yet even more disturbing given your avatar. :smalltongue:

Recaiden

2009-07-31, 12:12 AM

Well. Apparently I'm a goth. Can you guys save me from myself? :smalltongue:

I'm sorry, but so far we're all goths. All we can do is drag you deeper and deeper into this nightmare.

Em Blackleaf

2009-07-31, 12:18 AM

....

...

Now you're just making them think dirty thoughts on purpose. Which is somehow fitting and yet even more disturbing given your avatar. :smalltongue:
I didn't even think of it that way. :O

I'm sorry, but so far we're all goths. All we can do is drag you deeper and deeper into this nightmare.
Oh no! I can't be helped! I'm gonna go eat some cereal by myself! :smalltongue:

I figured out that I have 22. So, I'm over four goths.

Also, this list is a joke, right? :smalleek:

Mystic Muse

2009-07-31, 12:19 AM

Also, this list is a joke, right? :smalleek:

unfortunately no. also most of the time when you think to yourself "this has to be a joke." it isn't. that's humanity for you.

Mystic Muse

2009-07-31, 12:21 AM

I'm sorry, but so far we're all goths. All we can do is drag you deeper and deeper into this nightmare.

:elan: drag drag drag her into it!:smalltongue:

d13

2009-07-31, 12:50 AM

Oh no! I can't be helped!

Nope, you can't be helped.

Hey! We should all organize a convention, or something.

We can have an event in which we sit in round and cut the wrists of the person on the left, then switch places randomly and do it again, or something like that...

While headbanging...

Without parents or the such...

And we can incinerate a Catholic Priest, just because!

What do you all think about it? :smalltongue:

Icewalker

2009-07-31, 12:57 AM

Let's go corrupt* the minds of the innocent!

Caution: actual actions will not be in any way corrupting, but may be interpreted as such by certain conglomerations.

Worira

2009-07-31, 01:19 AM

What's with all you guys mentioning Count Chocula? The list clearly states that Count Dracula cereal is the goth kind. Which is reasonable, since Count Dracula cereal is made from the blood of virgins.

loopy

2009-07-31, 01:23 AM

I thought that was Virgin-o's?

Worira

2009-07-31, 01:29 AM

Nah, they use the whole thing. Which is another reason you shouldn't buy Count Dracula cereal. Terrible waste.

Coidzor

2009-07-31, 01:33 AM

@Em and all things pertaining to corrupting her: :smallconfused: Um... Ewww and squick. :smallyuk:

Gorgondantess

2009-07-31, 01:35 AM

Huh. I only qualify for 9. Awww, man, am I a square?:smalltongue:

Recaiden

2009-07-31, 01:40 AM

I didn't even think of it that way. :O

Oh no! I can't be helped! I'm gonna go eat some cereal by myself! :smalltongue:

I figured out that I have 22. So, I'm over four goths.

Also, this list is a joke, right? :smalleek:

Well, I'm only 21 parts goth, so perhaps I can help a bit.

@Coidzor: I think Em is much older than her avatar may imply.

horngeek

2009-07-31, 01:41 AM

I agree with Recaiden on the Em thing. Older than avvie.

Also, the list is ridiculous.

Coidzor

2009-07-31, 01:50 AM

Well, I'm only 21 parts goth, so perhaps I can help a bit.

@Coidzor: I think Em is much older than her avatar may imply.

She's like... 13 and cultivates us viewing her as like... 8 or something. *shudder* Heebies de jeeblies....:smallannoyed:

Em Blackleaf

2009-07-31, 02:11 AM

Okaaay, this is odd.

I'm 14. I'm not taking any of this seriously and I absolutely do not intend or expect any of you to assume I'm a little kid, trying to be a little kid, wanting to be a little kid, or anything of the sort. Especially not so I can be creepy or gross. That's just my avatar, not anything I'm pretending to be. And I don't think the "corrupting Em" thing makes any sense, because this whole thing is ridiculous!

I really did not expect a joke to go this far. :smallconfused:

horngeek

2009-07-31, 02:14 AM

Em, that's the point. The entire premise is ridiculous, and it is sad that some take it seriously.

BTW, Em. *nudges to I should but... thread. For reasons that will become apparent*

Dallas-Dakota

2009-07-31, 02:16 AM

I figured out that I have 22. So, I'm over four goths.

Also, this list is a joke, right? :smalleek:
Hey, we match in Gothy-ness!:smalltongue:

Alteran

2009-07-31, 02:17 AM

I'll get us back on topic then, shall I?

I got 18. Apparently I'm a goth, and I never even knew. I mean, I'm almost 3 goths, you'd think I'd have noticed by now! Thanks for the heads-up, I guess?

I'm not sure whether I should take this list seriously. I laughed out loud at the "goth cereals" part, I really hope that was a joke. If not, then the person who wrote this was extremely deluded. The sad part is that I wouldn't be surprised if this was real, because deluded is a pretty common trait I see. I suppose I'll ratchet the Faith in Humanity Bar down a little bit. It's not a good day for the bar, I also had to bring it down earlier today after reading a few Chick tracts. :smallyuk:

Am I making any sense? I ge the feeling that I'm all over the place. It is 3:22 am, I guess. That can be my excuse.

Coidzor

2009-07-31, 02:21 AM

It is ok, companion cube. *hug*

I lost all faith in humanity ages ago. I'm trying to get it back, since I didn't lose the whole, y'know, wanting to have faith in humanity bit...

It really could be taken both ways though. And that's what makes it so insidious. That it is believable that people would actually believe and make this as a result of said beliefs.

If it helps, just think of Chickt as an epic troll.

almightyk

2009-07-31, 02:42 AM

yay
33
*fillerfillerfiller*

Alteran

2009-07-31, 02:51 AM

If it helps, just think of Chickt as an epic troll.

You just put a huge smile on my face. I know it can't be true, but if it was it would just be awesome. Thanks for making my day. Err, night. Morning. Whatever.

Nameless

2009-07-31, 03:43 AM

Heh, every time I couind I get more.
I'm on 30 now. :smalltongue:

loopy

2009-07-31, 03:51 AM

Heh, every time I couind I get more.
I'm on 30 now. :smalltongue:

So am I!

NAMELESS AND LOOPY ARE SIX GOTHS! RAWR! :smallbiggrin:

Nameless

2009-07-31, 03:58 AM

So am I!

NAMELESS AND LOOPY ARE SIX GOTHS! RAWR! :smallbiggrin:

There's 6 of us now? :smalleek:

loopy

2009-07-31, 04:20 AM

There's 6 of us now? :smalleek:

Well if each of us have 30 points, and it takes 5 to be a goth...

Wait a second, theres two of us.

NAMELESS AND LOOPY ARE 12 GOTHS!!! :smallbiggrin:

Nameless

2009-07-31, 04:23 AM

Well if each of us have 30 points, and it takes 5 to be a goth...

Wait a second, theres two of us.

NAMELESS AND LOOPY ARE 12 GOTHS!!! :smallbiggrin:

Ah.:smallbiggrin:

Okay, let's burn down a church whilst listening to Satanic Black Metal from the furthest reaches of Norway.

zeratul

2009-07-31, 01:05 PM

I found this article a couple of years ago, and just remembered about it. So I decided to post it up for teh lulz. :smalltongue:
Try not to let it go into a religious discussion, I just thought it was funny as Hell.

http://www.eryc.co.uk/forum/topic2008.html
I find it funny that almost all of the truly negative ones don't really apply to goths. And there's hardly a connection at all between satanism and goth culture, as both a goth and a metalhead metal has way more satanic connotations than the goth subculture does (especially within black metal). The people who write these types of articles always annoy the **** out of my just through their sheer ignorance as to what they're talking about. I suppose since most of the people who are writing these things are old and the young goths will outlive them maybe the outlook will change (I aint guessing it will though).

EDIT

OMG! I fulfill a total of 15 of these criteria! That means I'm a goth and must now start listening to Death Metal, wear nail polish and drink blood! Thank you for enlightening me, I would not have noticed that I'm part of this subculture.

Unless you;re a crossover metalhead goth you wouldn't be listening to death metal , you;d be listening to goth music :smalltongue:

Raiser Blade

2009-07-31, 01:06 PM

I find it funny that almost all of the truly negative ones don't really apply to goths. And there's hardly a connection at all between satanism and goth culture, as both a goth and a metalhead metal has way more satanic connotations than the goth subculture does (especially within black metal). The people who write these types of articles always annoy the **** out of my just through their sheer ignorance as to what they're talking about. I suppose since most of the people who are writing these things are old and the young goths will outlive them maybe the outlook will change (I aint guessing it will though).

Avatar + Post = lolololol

Gem Flower

2009-07-31, 01:07 PM

My entire the family is Goth!:smalleek:

zeratul

2009-07-31, 01:08 PM

Avatar + Post = lolololol

My avatar is metal though not goth. Corpsepaint is a black metal thing so the inverted cross on my forehead doesn't really have anything to do with my gothyness >_>

Gem Flower

2009-07-31, 01:09 PM

Hey, do you guys think that a pin that says "Sorry I missed church, I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian" counts as one of those Gothic slogans? :smalltongue: Because then my count would be 27!:smallbiggrin:

Raiser Blade

2009-07-31, 01:11 PM

My avatar is metal though not goth. Corpsepaint is a black metal thing so the inverted cross on my forehead doesn't really have anything to do with my gothyness >_>

Goth and metal are practically the SAME THINg. A few aesthetic differences but I mean come on. It's like comparing coke and coke zero

don't be ashamed of you GOTH

Quinsar

2009-07-31, 01:11 PM

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Expresses an interest in sex.

My dog's goth! D=

zeratul

2009-07-31, 01:13 PM

Goth and metal are practically the SAME THINg. A few aesthetic differences but I mean come on. It's like comparing coke and coke zero

don't be ashamed of you GOTH

Goth is a completely different style of music with basically no similarities to metal unless were talking about gothic metal (both styles of music kick ass though). Look wise they are very similar this is true.

Oh and I got a 24 for the record.

Miss Nobody

2009-07-31, 01:19 PM

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Expresses an interest in sex.

My dog's goth! D=

My dog does these things and his fur is almost completely black. He's TEH GOTHIK!

Gem Flower

2009-07-31, 01:25 PM

*dramatic gasp* My cats are Goth too!

SilverSheriff

2009-07-31, 01:26 PM

-Frequently wears black clothing. Check.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. Check.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. Check.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. Check.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) Check.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. Check.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. Check.Check.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. Check.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol. Check.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed. Check.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom. Check.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little. Check.

-Is excessively awake during the night. Check.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone. Check.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil spirits through meditation.) Check.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. Check.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. Check.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.Check.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. Checkity check check check.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) Check.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. CheckCheck.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. Check.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. CheckCheck.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. Check.

-Expresses an interest in sex. Check.

-Masturbates. Check.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. Check.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. Check.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth. Check.

29.:smallbiggrin:

TheBibliophile

2009-07-31, 01:33 PM

SilverSheriff

2009-07-31, 01:38 PM

29.:smallbiggrin:

Wait...does not going to school count as misbehaving in school on a technicality?

Mordokai

2009-07-31, 01:43 PM

Whatever helps you score better champ :smalltongue:

SilverSheriff

2009-07-31, 01:50 PM

30! WOOOO!:smallbiggrin:

Miss Nobody

2009-07-31, 01:52 PM

After checking the list again, I got 30 instead of 27. Also, this post was written while listening to some Gothic Metal.

Chas the mage

2009-07-31, 01:58 PM

Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

http://i428.photobucket.com/albums/qq9/WindupHarlequin/insoc.jpg http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u298/makezmuzic/politics/propaganda_pledgepromise.jpg

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x270/diadefolga/big-brother-is-watching-you.jpg

Tiger Duck

2009-07-31, 02:22 PM

Everyone I more Goth than I am.:smallfrown:

I also recounted and strand now on a 10
So you know, yeay me:smallsmile:

Ceric

2009-07-31, 02:54 PM

I got 13. Dang.

On the other hand, I think everyone here can give themselves an extra point for "Claims to be a goth".

Emperor Ing

2009-07-31, 02:59 PM

On the other hand, I think everyone here can give themselves an extra point for "Claims to be a goth".

I don't, not at all. :smalltongue:

I got a 9 after quizzing myself, and I don't consider myself Goth at all, I just love solitude.

Faulty

2009-07-31, 03:15 PM

It's obviously a joke, guys. I'm apparently a Goth, with 20 of those pertaining to me.

On the other hand, I think everyone here can give themselves an extra point for "Claims to be a goth".

lawl no

Chas the mage

2009-07-31, 05:00 PM

I counted myself for 18 of those, and by anyone elses standard, I'm not a goth.

zeratul

2009-07-31, 05:17 PM

It's obviously a joke, guys. I'm apparently a Goth, with 20 of those pertaining to me.

lawl no

You'd be surprised what occasionally turns out not to be a joke. This (http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/devils_music_no_effect.htm) isn't a joke after all

CurlyKitGirl

2009-07-31, 05:31 PM

Let's see how I did . . .

-Frequently wears black clothing. Well, yes, I like black shirts and trousers. Because I (and probably everyone else in the world) look good in black.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. Sure, I like bands, so I 'say' so. ALso: hand - me - downs

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish. No, okay, sometimes nail varnish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. Six ear piercings, thinking of getting another two; almost all my jewelry is silver and some are apparently 'occult' by this list's standards.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. Six ear piercings, wouldn't mind another pair. Tattoos are cool, but I wouldn't want one.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) Metal, glam rock, loud music, virtually everything is anti - social if it's loud.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. Everyone I know. Including parents. Because being an invidual is GOTHIC AND SHOWS YOU WORSHIP SATAN.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. Am I a teenager? Yes. Am I a geek? Yes.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. Oh so much. I've even paddled in witchcraft, magic and quite a lot of 'occult' things. And I'm also a Lovecraftian abomination.

-Takes drugs. No.

-Drinks alcohol. Not very often.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed. No.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) No.

-Complains of boredom. Am I human? Yes.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little. Am I a teenager? Yes.

-Is excessively awake during the night. Am I a teenager? Yes. Am I an insomniac? Yes.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. Am I a teenager? Yes. With far too many siblings.

-Spends large amounts of time alone. Am I a teenager? Yes. Am I a geek? Yes. DO I like reading? I love reading. Who needs people?

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) Am I a human? Yes. Am I a teenager? Yes.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. Am I nine? No.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. Am I human? Yes. So I disregard authority figures.

-Misbehaves at school. I talk when I shouldn't.

-Misbehaves at home. Am I a child/teenager? Yes.

-Eats excessively or too little Doesn't everyone?

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. Yes, by virtue of eating Hallowe'en themed sweeties.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) If I accidentally cut myself I like the blood away. Am I am vampire? OH NOES!! My skin is now sparkly! I'll never go out in the sun again!

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) I watch TV. And dangerous satire shows and interesting things!

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. Yep. And I sat in on my first Call of Cthulu game.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. Am I a geek? Yes.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. I've been known to headbang.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. Does it count if it's mocking such dances? If so, then yes.

-Expresses an interest in sex. Am I human? Yes.

-Masturbates. No.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. Possibly, I don't know.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. Since when is philosphy a cult religion? And aren't Hinduism and Buddhism two of the most popular (by numbers) religions in the world? Anyway, in order: yes, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I read about them, like some aspects of most of them.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". I wore a goth pin once. I ARE GOFFIC!!111!

-Claims to be a goth. Apparently, I must claim to be one, just look at the list! But I don't.

31.5 out of 37.
Wow, I'm just over six and a quarter goths.
Fear my gothic - ness.

d13

2009-07-31, 10:56 PM

Cool goth kids check the goth list, so I'm going to check it too :smallannoyed:

-Frequently wears black clothing. *Checks wardrobe* Check... Check... Check... Check... OK. All of it xD

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. Check.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. Check.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. Check. Tattoos rock xD.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) CheckCheckCheckCheckCheckCheck.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. Local Metal forum... Anime forum... Yeah, overcheck xD.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. Checking this too.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. Check.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol. Uber check.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom. The whole fraggin time. Check.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little. Check ~

-Is excessively awake during the night. Extremely check'd.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. Check. I'm not a people person.

-Spends large amounts of time alone. Check. See above.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) Check. See two above.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. Check >_>

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. Check. I'll live as I like, thank you.

-Misbehaves at school. Who doesn't? Check.

-Misbehaves at home. See above. Check

-Eats excessively or too little CHECK.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. Halloween sweets rock xD. Check.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) Check. I mean... I don't like to see my blood outside my body, if I can help it (and it's not serious enough to get a bandage or something).

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) Check... :smallannoyed:

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. No. I'm in a role-playing games forum and I don't play them... :smallannoyed: CHECK. NEXT!

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. Check... >_>

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. "Violently shakes head to music". I LOL'd. Check.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. Pretty much every dance is "provocative" when you dance with your girlfriend or Michael Jackson-like. Check.

-Expresses an interest in sex. ...........CHECK :smallannoyed:

-Masturbates. Check. And everyone who said "no" to this, is lying.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. Every human being is bisexual. They just don't know yet xD. Check.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. Interest... No, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Check.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth. I did a few posts ago. Check.

Seems that my maths were wrong in the other posts...

32. I'm 6,4 times goth. Woe is me :smallsigh:

horngeek

2009-07-31, 11:13 PM

-Frequently wears black clothing.
No

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
No

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
No

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
No

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
No

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
No

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
... define 'eccentrically'.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
No

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
No

-Takes drugs.
No

-Drinks alcohol.
Finds it too strong. No.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
No.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
No

-Complains of boredom.
17-year old who has ADHD. Of course I do.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
Yes

-Is excessively awake during the night.
Yes, obviously I'm a vampire. Or just spend too much time here.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Asberger's syndrome. Yes

-Spends large amounts of time alone.
Asberger's syndrome. Yes

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
Asberger's syndrome. Yes

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
No

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
no

-Misbehaves at school.
no

-Misbehaves at home.
no

-Eats excessively or too little
Not really.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
no.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
No

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
...

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Yes

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
yes

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
no

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
no

-Expresses an interest in sex.
... not really

-Masturbates.
no, not really

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
no

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
no

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
no

-Claims to be a goth.
no

I am apparently 1 and 3/5ths of a Goth.

Signmaker

2009-08-01, 09:51 AM

The cereal! It threatens to eternally claim my soul!

Really now, I qualify for being a goth just by being a standard college student. What the, pardon me, hell.

Faulty

2009-08-01, 09:59 AM

You'd be surprised what occasionally turns out not to be a joke. This (http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/devils_music_no_effect.htm) isn't a joke after all

Carlos Santana and Demonism!

I always thought his last name sounded suspicious.

toasty

2009-08-01, 10:11 AM

Carlos Santana and Demonism!

I always thought his last name sounded suspicious.

... don't get me started. I'm only containing myself because I don't want to get banned.

That being said, its also one of my absolute most favorite things to debate about.

Fifty-Eyed Fred

2009-08-01, 11:58 AM

Let's break this down.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
No.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
No.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
Lol, no.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
Why silver specifically? I have a gold necklace but I guess gold isn't as satanic as silver...
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
God no.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
OK, this may be my first yes depending on how one defines said music.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Yes, nearly everyone I know is eccentric. I wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
HAHAHAHA
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Well, I am a bit morbid...
-Takes drugs.
Er...
-Drinks alcohol.
Does the Pope have a balcony? You're Catholics, you should know.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
No.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
Lol, no.
-Complains of boredom.
I don't complain about it.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
Yes. Which depends on what I have to do in the morning.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
Yes.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Privacy is not unusual.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
Technically, yes.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
I don't request time alone, I just get it. And I'm not sure if "SHUT UP SOPHIE" counts as a request for quietness.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
What world do you guys live in?
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Not in front of them.
-Misbehaves at school.
In small ways.
-Misbehaves at home.
Maybe.
-Eats excessively or too little
Yes.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
Do sandwiches count as gothic?
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
WTF NO
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
Yes.
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Yes.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
Yes.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
Depends on my mood whether I want to shake my head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
No.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
Haha, ha.
-Masturbates.
...
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
No.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Well, I'm an atheist.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
Who wears those in the first place?
-Claims to be a goth.
No.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
OK, will do.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church
A.K.A. Mentalists.

Renrik

2009-08-01, 12:14 PM

Let me see:

Frequently wears black? Well, I'm an anarchist, so if I go to a protest, I'm usually wearing black of some sort, or just my regular blue jeans and t-shirt, so I guess yeah, I fit that one.

I listen to Folk music that protests militarism, conformity, government, and environmental degradation, so I guess that counts on the anti-social music stuff. I also like Punk Rock, so... yeah.

I associate with lots of people who act and think eccentrically. Most of them are bohemians, political radicals, or college students.

If I'm bored, I complain about it, and I have a messed up sleep cycle, so I guess I fit that one, too.

I live pretty much alone in a lonely old house on a hill, so I guess that would count as being alone an enjoying solitude. I like lonely rural areas.

I misbehaved at school pretty much every day- usually arguing with the teachers. I also disrespect authority figures. All authority figures.

I watch Cable TV, yeah.

I do use the internet quite a bit, and I do play games of a role-playing nature.

I must admit I enjoy how 'philosophy' is considered a 'cult religion' and their own is not. Oh, and I'm an atheist, nihilist, existentialist, and anarchist, so.... damn.

I do have an interest in sex, and I'm not going to deny a bit of self-gratification. Why? Because everyone does it. You will deny it. You do it, and you know you do.

I guess I'm satanic.

Chas the mage

2009-08-01, 12:40 PM

-Frequently wears black clothing.
I'm the only kid at my jr. high to wear black dress pants, ties, suits, and whatnot on a regular basis. does that make me goth?
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
occasionally
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
I'm a guy...
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
See above
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
...no... does that mean gangsters are goth?
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.
I'm listening to Nirvana right now... loud. My parents want me to turn it down.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Does eccentrically count as other people my age that actually wear suits?
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
I'm an american teenager. whaddya think?
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Twilight is gay.
-Takes drugs.
No...
-Drinks alcohol.
on the rare occasion I'm aloud to...
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Suicidal: no. Depressed: by some standards
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
...no...
-Complains of boredom.
AMERICAN TEENAGER
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
see above
-Is excessively awake during the night.
see above
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
...So me wanting not to be seen while I change is goth?
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
American teenager
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
SHUDDUP, WILL YA!? I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP HERE!!
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x270/diadefolga/big-brother-is-watching-you.jpg
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Generally not infront of them
-Misbehaves at school.
I give away large amounts of "contraband" (includes gum, and caffinated beverages)
-Misbehaves at home.
Not... to much
-Eats excessively or too little
...
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
*facepalm*
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
...no...
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
no ****, sherlock!
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
who dosen't
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
I'm on this forum, aren't I?
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
Satanic symbols: no... head banging: If its metal. which I frequent.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
...no...
-Expresses an interest in sex.
AMERICAN TEENAGER, HUMAN BEING.
-Masturbates.
...
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
...no...
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Hindu and buddha aren't cult, and philosiphy is a philosiphy, not a religion, much less a cult.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
pins and stickers are for dorks and presidential canidates. (whoops, same thing)
-Claims to be a goth.
I wear suits, dammit, do you think I claim to be goth?
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center. Get over it.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church

24 OUT OF 37

I'm a geek, not a goth.

thorgrim29

2009-08-01, 12:52 PM

Let's see how I do...

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
Black shirts suit me...

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

no

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

No

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

No

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

No

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

Hell yeah (pardon the pun)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

Not so much lately, but I'm a LARPer (the outdoor kind), so yeah

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

I think I read the Bible once, and I go to Church on funerals and baptism. I do like sports occasionally though, so mostly yes on that one

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

Yup

-Takes drugs.

No

-Drinks alcohol.

Yup

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

Not chronically depressed, so no, also, how can one be suicidal and not depressed?

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

No

-Complains of boredom.

Mostly on Sunday afternoons, Douglas Adams was right

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

Also known as "being in college

-Is excessively awake during the night.

see above

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

I guess

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

Yeah

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil spirits through meditation.)

Yeah, pretty sure I don't contact spirits though.... I mostly listen to music and read when I'm alone.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

Not anymore, but I did when I was a minor so I'll say yes to that one

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

Define disregard? I don't take their every word as Gospel (again with the puns, sorry), but I don't go out of my way to disrespect them either, so 1/2

-Misbehaves at school.

No

-Misbehaves at home.

No

-Eats excessively or too little

Happens sometimes

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

No count dracula cereal (though that would be awesome), I like dark chocolate and coffee, does that count?

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

No, and attain Satan, WTF!?!?!?!

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

Hum, yeah, extensively, also, a bit of porn

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

Yup

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

I'm filling this out aren't I?

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

Long live Metal!!!!

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

When very drunk sometimes happens, but it's more "haphazard and uncoordinated" then "provocative of sexual"

-Expresses an interest in sex.

Yeah, unfortunately unrequited

-Masturbates.

See the above

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

No, but I have no problem with them (especially not with bi girls) so 1/2 here

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

I read the occasional philosophy book, and I've read part of the Baggavad Gitta (sp?), so yeah

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

No, but, like the cereal, that would be awesome

-Claims to be a goth.

Nah

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

So 23, wow, I,m apparently an Uber Goth, hey that gives me an idea for my next LARP character, I'll have to find furs and an fake beard though.

V'icternus

2009-08-01, 01:04 PM

-Frequently wears black clothing.
How frequent is frequent?
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
No, not really...
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
Uh, no. I'm too blonde to wear black makeup. (I'd do much better with pink. Not that I'd ever, you know, actually wear makeup... I'm just sayin'...)
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
Me? Jewelry? Bling? No.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Piercings? Tattoos? Don;t come near my body with that stuff, man.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
I don't think so...
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Eccentric in what way? This article seems fairly eccentric, but you wouldn't say so... So I'm gonna say yes, because my normal must be your crazy.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Sports? Uh... I'm an "inside" person. Bible? Snooze fest. Prayer? Uh... no. Church? I've been in one once. It smelled funny...
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
#1, vampires (without sparkles) are awesome, #2, magic is awesome, #3, So is the occult, #4, so is witchcraft and #5 none of the previous four things even actually exist.
-Takes drugs.
Nope.
-Drinks alcohol.
I can barely smell the stuff without gagging...
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
...Um... not really? Anymore... ish...
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
Why would I hurt me? I love me! I'm fantastic! I'm certainly better than you.
-Complains of boredom.
Hell yeah. Why else would I be up at 4AM doing this?
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
...See previous.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
...See previous.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Unusual? No, not for me. I demand my usual ammount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
If I'm not alone, then I'm usually with either my parents or my brother. You can see why I like being alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
Time alone is for thought and stress releif, quietness is for same. However, next time I am alone and it is quiet, I will try and contact some evil spirits, as that is apperantly what this time is meant to be spent doing. Unless that's what "thinking" is... evidence seems to point towards it.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
...Welcome to the 90's.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Disregard teachers, no, they'd grade me accordingly. Disregard elders, no way, respect your elders, man! Disregard nuns and priests... well, I respect them as adults... but, uh... well, they have no authority other than that over me.
-Misbehaves at school.
Nope. Clean as a whistle.
-Misbehaves at home.
No. Well, nothing that can be proven.
-Eats excessively or too little
So I'm underweight, so what? Doesn't make me a goth...
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
Count Dracula cereal? I MUST have it! But seriously, goth-food? "Hey mom, can I have some Emo Flakes?"
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
Drink blood? Errrk... diseases much? I mean, my own blood, sure, but that's mine! And tastes better than your lowsy holy water...
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
...I watch so much TV, and so many different channels, and so many of them corrupt, that I'm giving me three yes points for this one...
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha!!!! Oh, wow... I needed that...
Oh, wait, you're serious?
... Just mark me as "yes".
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
...Uh... another yes here. A big one.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
Satanic symbols? No, I don't much care for Satan. He's like Sauron if Sauron were lame. Violently shakes head to music? Well, that depends on the song, doesn't it?
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Not often enough to answer as "yes".
-Expresses an interest in sex.
...I'm seventeen years old. To quote an evil, satanic show apperantly filled with goths, "looking at minoleum make me want to have sex".
-Masturbates.
Next question.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
Not to my knowledge, no.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Philosophy. While not a cult, this means I still have to answer yes.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
... People actually do this?
-Claims to be a goth.
Well gee, how long did it take you to figure out that that was a lookout sing for gothdom?

Well, according to this, I'm a goth. Or, a 17 year old male who doesn't like the outdoors, and prefers thinking to mindless activities, and prefers self-satisfaction to herd mentality. Either one.

Athaniar

2009-08-01, 01:17 PM

Something tells me these St. Miko's (whatever) guys are somewhat... overzealous, but I can't quite figure out what...

Hell Puppi

2009-08-01, 01:21 PM

-Frequently wears black clothing.
Well yes, but that's because it goes with everything.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
Not really. Isn't this more metal kid anyway?

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
I wouldn't call it 'excessive'.... >.>

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
???
Well I guess my custom dog collar with the silver skull would count?

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Hehehe....'interest'?

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Oh yeah.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
That's...most of the people I associate with.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Seeing as I never had an interest, it can't decline. Unless you count the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Nooooo....
>.>
<.<

-Drinks alcohol.
Yup

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
That comes along with being slightly Bi Polar, thankee-sai.

-Complains of boredom.
Who doesn't?

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
....again...?

-Is excessively awake during the night.
Yes. Damn internet.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
WAT.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
OH DEAR!

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
I call all the cops I know 'the fuzz'.

-Misbehaves at home.
:smallamused:

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
...Count Chocula?

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
Again....WAT?

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
Hells to the yes. I love my media corrupted.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Noooo....

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
Duurrrrr....

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
That's called 'rocking out', not 'gothing out'. Read a Voltaire book would you? At least gain some insight?

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Booty shakin'!

-Expresses an interest in sex.
No! That evil drive to continue the species!

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
This makes someone goth...how? Or is this just a 'list of evil'?

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
WAT. This is getting...painful.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
No but now I want one that says 'woe is me'.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

Wow...this list is...painful. :smallsigh:

Chas the mage

2009-08-01, 01:55 PM

I call all the cops I know 'the fuzz'.

I smell bacon!

Hell Puppi

2009-08-01, 02:21 PM

I smell bacon!

The best part is when you're riding with one in the car...

"Ohhh ohh I'm rolling a stop sign!" (Note: Done when no one else is around and yes I looked for cars I just don't come to a complete stop)

"I'm turning without signaling!"
(done in the turning lane)

...it's funny to me at least. Most of the people I know now are cops. :smallsigh:

FdL

2009-08-01, 02:22 PM

I suppose I'll ratchet the Faith in Humanity Bar down a little bit. It's not a good day for the bar, I also had to bring it down earlier today after reading a few Chick tracts. :smallyuk:

Yeah, well, it was low already, but it's getting so low by now that it's getting incredibly hard to Do the Limbo.

Also, I noticed that most posters avoid to admit that they masturbate. I don't know why such a fuss about something that it's perfectly normal and done by almost everybody as part of a healthy sexual life. I can only guess that the mentality of the sort of people that wrote the list to begin with still hovers heavily above us even if we don't realise it.

I also get the impression that it's more unusual for people to admit it than them drinking alcohol or taking drugs. I don't really care, but seeing this made me wonder about it.

V'icternus

2009-08-01, 02:25 PM

d13

2009-08-01, 02:38 PM

CrimsonAngel

2009-08-01, 03:16 PM

Oh no not the cereal, the cereal must be burned! Also, I'm most of thoes.

EDIT: Holy crap 25. :smalleek:

FdL

2009-08-01, 03:55 PM

Perhaps it's because people drink (and sometimes take drugs) in public, whereas masturbation, if done in public, well...

I'm assuming this creates a very "private" feel about the very existence of masturbation. Whereas drinking and drugs... well, they're everywhere. (Depending on where you live...)

Hm, this is interesting. I know in most of the USA it's forbidden to drink alcohol in public, and I take it that drug consumption (even posession) is too.
It's not even about it being a public thing, which is a bit of a ridiculous notion, it's more about the too prevalent notion that sex is bad and you should be ashamed of it, deny it and hide it.

Coidzor

2009-08-01, 05:32 PM

Aye, if there's one thing my countrymenandwomen and history are famous for, it's prudery.

Which makes the fact that we're also famous for being sex-obsessed... well...*clicks teeth*

FdL

2009-08-01, 06:07 PM

Something tells me these St. Miko's (whatever) guys are somewhat... overzealous, but I can't quite figure out what...

I just noticed you used Miko as an example of fundamentalism and closed-mindedness. I thought it was a bit unfair on Miko, somehow. The other part in the comparison is even worse anyway.

Mando Knight

2009-08-01, 06:27 PM

CRITICAL RESEARCH FAILURE

Let's see... for a "well-behaved preacher's kid" I scored horribly: 16. I guess there's no hope for me at all. :smalltongue:

Pauwel

2009-08-01, 08:29 PM

Haha... I love these.

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
I guess, yeah

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

Yes

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

Never

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

Nope

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

No, not really.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

How can music ever be anti-social? I'm sure these self-righteous preachers would consider all good music "anti-social". To paraphrase Bill Hicks: "Give me the satanist family down the block... the ones with the good albums."

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

I guess so

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

They've got the definition of wholesome activities completely wrong

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

Nah, not really

-Takes drugs.

No

-Drinks alcohol.

Certainly

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

No

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

No

-Complains of boredom.

I never complain of my boredom

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

Not really

-Is excessively awake during the night.

Not really

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

Not an unusual amount, no

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

Yeah

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil spirits through meditation.)

Wow, so I've been speaking to spirits all this time? That's nifty

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

I have never heard of anyone who doesn't do this

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

Only if I disagree with them

-Misbehaves at school.

No, not really

-Misbehaves at home.

Same

-Eats excessively or too little

Nah

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

Nah, I stay away from goth food. Too many carbs

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

No. Those who regularly attempt mass, however, are, by papal declaration, literally consuming the blood of Christ. If I told people to drink my blood and eat my body I doubt they would be so willing to accept me as their saviour.
Although I guess anyone in need of a saviour could just clone Jesus with a sample of his transubstantiated blood.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

Not a lot, but I have definitely watched enough tv to corrupt me fully and irrevocably.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

Yup

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Oh yes

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

I love how they deliberately avoid the terms "devil horns" and "headbanging". Yes to both.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

If I'm drunk enough, yes

-Expresses an interest in sex.

When did sexual desire become anything but a completely natural part of being human? God, these people are thick

-Masturbates.

Yes

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

Not yet, at least

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

When did philosophy become a cult religion? Not to mention hinduism and buddhism. Anyway, I love philosophy so I guess by their ridiculous, twisted definition of basically everything I am pursing a dangerous cult religion

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

Umm, no

-Claims to be a goth.

Well, that's an obvious way to tell isn't it? Would be rather silly of me to claim such a thing, though

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

Only 18? I was sure I'd have more. Always nice to get rid of the remaining scraps of faith in humanity.

Coidzor

2009-08-01, 11:00 PM

I just noticed you used Miko as an example of fundamentalism and closed-mindedness. I thought it was a bit unfair on Miko, somehow. The other part in the comparison is even worse anyway.

<_< She is an example of fundamentalism and closed-mindedness. If she were any older, she'd be an UR-example.:smalltongue:

FdL

2009-08-02, 01:38 AM

What's "UR-Example"?

Anyway, I think Miko has redeeming qualities as a character. I just though it too harsh that her name is now synonymous with that, I don't see it like that at all.

Coidzor

2009-08-02, 02:53 AM

What's "UR-Example"?

Anyway, I think Miko has redeeming qualities as a character. I just though it too harsh that her name is now synonymous with that, I don't see it like that at all.

It is a german prefix basically meaning original/primordial. Colloquially it basically means an iconic something or other than has been around for awhile but is still representative of the concept on the whole or even as a whole. (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ur-)

Regardless of whether or not she had redeemable qualities, this is what she was chosen to represent in the story, or at least, this is the most common interpretation of her as far as I have knowledge. I do not know what Word of Giant is on the topic, but I seem to vaguely recall that the Giant has spoken at some length when asked about it as it became inevitable that someone ask him about it all. Regardless, further discussion along this vein probably belongs in the OotS subforum.

Additionally, she is a fictional character. :smallconfused:

Lunix Vandal

2009-08-02, 08:48 AM

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.This one is fun. Especially since I can do it legitimately (and get A's in the process). :smallamused:

CrimsonAngel

2009-08-02, 09:42 AM

You're all goths and deserve a spanking by a nun. :smallfurious:

Nameless

2009-08-02, 09:46 AM

You're all goths and deserve a spanking by a nun. :smallfurious:

Kinky. :smallwink:

Mordokai

2009-08-02, 09:52 AM

You're all goths and deserve a spanking by a nun. :smallfurious:

Oh yeah baby!

Mildy NSFW material in spoiler.

http://www.comicbookmovie.com/images/users/uploads/10959/titsnun.jpg

Spank me all day long baby! :smallbiggrin:

Quincunx

2009-08-02, 09:57 AM

The unreliability of communication has been at work on this document, but to its advantage in one case, since it slipped in "local mental health center", an alternate authority, alongside the actual dangerous 'symptom' of cutting. Whoever edited that into this in the first place: thank you. Maybe this list was meant to be circulated back into the church-centric community as a safeguard hidden in plain sight?

Fredthefighter

2009-08-02, 10:01 AM

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that
young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
Not that frequently.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
I have one band t-shirt. Does that count?

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
Nope.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
Nope

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Nope

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Let's see, Punk rock, heavy metal. I'm guessing that these guys would say they're anti-social.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Probably.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
*Yawn* Sorry, I stopped going to church 5 years ago. And the only sports I enjoy are Karate and Swimming.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Magic is cool. Vampires are okay. The rest is a no for me.

-Takes drugs.
Wrong.

-Drinks alcohol.
Wrong again.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Nope.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
Nope.

-Complains of boredom.
Only when I'm bored.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
Nope.

-Is excessively awake during the night.
Wrongo.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Not really.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.
A few hours a day on the weekends.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
Hmmm, evil spirits you say? I'll have to look into that.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
If my friends want to spend time with my parents then they can be my guest. I know what I'd rather do.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Wrong.

-Misbehaves at school.
Nuh-uh.

-Misbehaves at home.
Incorrect.

-Eats excessively or too little
Non.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
Goth-related foods?

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
I don't remember ever drinking blood.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
I think they got me on this one.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Isn't this question a big yes for most of the people of the playground?

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
Nope. I don't spend enough time on the internet! :smallwink:

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
Well when you put it that way...

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Once, sort of, at prom.

-Expresses an interest in sex.
I'm a hormone riddled teenager. OF COURSE I EXPRESS AN INTEREST IN SEX!

-Masturbates.
Yes.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
Nope.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
So all other religions are bad now? And no, I don't pursue any of these.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
Nope.

-Claims to be a goth.
Nope.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

Wow. According to these guys, I got 15. And I'm not even remotely gothic. Honestly.

Coidzor

2009-08-02, 10:17 AM

Interesting idea, there, Quincunx.

Nameless

2009-08-02, 10:19 AM

Like, omg! That nun is wearing a strange religious symbol and mostly black clothing... SHE'S A GOTH! O.O

V'icternus

2009-08-02, 10:20 AM

Well, according to the clearly factual opinion of, uh... St. Mary's Catholic Church, you're lying. You're a stone cold goth. Want some Emo Flakes, eh, gothy? Why don't you go... wear black, or something. Also, stop speaking to evil spirits (who we all know exist) and trying to achieve Satan (If you don't lknow what this is, you are being possessed by the Devil and must be burned at the stake).

And you'd better stop having an interest in sex. The continuation of our race is a sin against its' creator who was once quoted to say "Go forth and multiply", which translated into modern speech is "Go have babies".
However, sex is still bad. If you're really not a goth, you'll become pregnant regardless, like the Virgin Mary. Because there's no way she could have lied about that or anything...

In closing, you're obviously going to hell for not being a chining example of holyness, and for not allowing us to shove a metaphorical stick up your ass.

Fredthefighter

2009-08-02, 10:20 AM

Like, omg! That nun is wearing a strange religious symbol and mostly black clothing... SHE'S A GOTH! O.O

By jove! Nameless is right! GOTHNUN! :smallamused:

EDIT: V'icternus, I get the strange feeling of sarcasm from your statement there. Hmmmm, I wonder.

Coidzor

2009-08-02, 10:25 AM

Like, omg! That nun is wearing a strange religious symbol and mostly black clothing... SHE'S A GOTH! O.O

Also, it is silver jewelry. :smallwink:

dun anununununun Goth Nun! Goth Nun! Goth Nun!

V'icternus

2009-08-02, 10:27 AM

By jove! Nameless is right! GOTHNUN! :smallamused:

EDIT: V'icternus, I get the strange feeling of sarcasm from your statement there. Hmmmm, I wonder.

Me? Sarcastic? Never!

Also, I think we've just witnessed the horrible, tragic birth of a brand new net-craze...

The Goth-Nun.

Jalor

2009-08-02, 10:29 AM

Like, omg! That nun is wearing a strange religious symbol and mostly black clothing... SHE'S A GOTH! O.O

It's a conspiracy! The nuns infiltrated the church to further their evil plots! In the witching hour they will force all the impressionable children to eat Count Chocula cereal while listening to Marilyn Manson!

Fredthefighter

2009-08-02, 10:31 AM

It's a conspiracy! The nuns infiltrated the church to further their evil plots! In the witching hour they will force all the impressionable children to eat Count Chocula cereal while listening to Marilyn Manson!

Ee-gads! Those villainous fiends! We must stop their vile nunnery!

:smalltongue:

This is getting fun.

V'icternus

2009-08-02, 10:34 AM

One has to wonder... is this list really an accurate and trustable method of determining your gothness? Because it also seems to take a stab at anyone smarter than the Church...

(I mean honestly, acheive a person? That's just... bad. Not to mention the spirits, and the "crazy religion" that is Philosophy)