Feats of insanity

[Mercenary Pen]

Inspired by the 'Misheard Spells' thread further down the page, I decided to do something similar with feats- just to provide a little something for the sillier campaigns out there...

As with the other thread, submissions are welcome from anyone, but don't forget to give full details of your feat.

Wombat Expertise
The user gains a +3 and an additional +1 per five levels to all skill checks involving Wombats.

[Eloel]

Improved Trip
You get a 10ft bonus to your land speed.

Extra Turning
You can turn twice as sharp as you normally can while flying.

Improved Turning
Prerequisites: Extra Turning

You can turn whichever way you wish while flying, as if with Perfect Maneuverability. You don't get any other benefits of Perfect Maneuverability.


Stunning Mist
As a standard action, you can let loose a mist (yes, mist) from your ass in a 10ft radius. Anyone caught in the mist (including yourself), has to make a Fort save at DC (10+1/2 Char Level + Con), or be stunned for 1 round.
Anyone in the mist is considered to have concealment, and enjoy a 20% miss chance.

Craft Pod
You can craft a pod to deploy rockets on. You need to craft the rockets seperately.

Lighting Reflexes
Whenever you make a successful Reflex save, you provide light as a torch for 1 round.


Just because :)

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Stunning Mist
As a standard action, you can let loose a mist (yes, mist) from your ass in a 10ft radius. Anyone caught in the mist (including yourself), has to make a Fort save at DC (10+1/2 Char Level + Con), or be stunned for 1 round.
Anyone in the mist is considered to have concealment, and enjoy a 20% miss chance.

Something tells me they won't be enjoying being in the radius of the, ahem, stinking cloud.

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

Shower Attack
You gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls when slightly damp and carrying a loofah.

Improved Faint
You may fall unconscious at will. Whenever you fall unconscious, you appear dead. This may cause monsters to ignore you.

[Set]

Extra Burning
[Fire] spells you cast inflict +1 hit point / die of damage, and the target must make a Reflex save (at the original save DC of the spell) or catch on fire, suffering 1d6 damage per round until a full round action is spent to extinguish the fire. Each round, the target gets a new saving throw, at the same DC, as well.

Erotic Weapon Proficiency
This feat's description is not suitable for a family-friendly messageboard.

Wombat Casting
Prerequisite: the ability to summon badgers, dire badgers, celestial badgers or celestial dire badgers via summon monster or summon nature's ally.
Benefit: badgers you summon are instead wombats, and are capable of storing items in their pouches. Alchemist's Fire is preferred for this purpose, and a celestial (or natural) wombat slain has a 50% of exploding on the slayer, if in melee.

Motility
You are capable of swimming with great skill. Double the swimming speed determined by your Swim skill check, and ignore penalties for using piercing weapons underwater. You are also exceptionally fertile.

Arbor Proficiency (Medium)
You are skilled in using small trees as weapons. This feat confers proficiency with both the club and the quarterstaff, appropriately sized for the user.

Arbor Proficiency (Heavy)
You are skilled in using BIG trees as weapons. This feat allows the user to weild clubs or quarterstaves sized for a creature one size class larger, unpenalized.

Improved Faint
You can pretend to pass out so convincingly that a foe that does not beat your Bluff check with it's Sense Motive check thinks that you are dead, and will ignore you. Or possibly begin eating you. Some giant wasps may even try to inject larva into your body. Obviously, you should seriously consider whether or not this is a creature that you want to lie down in front of...

Iron Kill
Prerequisite: Improved Sunder
Benefit: You ignore half of the hardness when attempting to Sunder weapons made of metal.

Readership
Your scholarly dissertations or written works of artistic expression are widely read by a loyal fanbase. You have a varying chance (depending on community size) of running into said fans, and when you do, you have a 50% chance of being able to request some reasonable favor from your adoring public (a free meal, wild sex, local scuttlebutt, etc.) and a 50% chance of having to perform some onerous pandering (signing a bunch of autographs, giving a free 'reading,' wild sex with a hideously unnatractive fan, etc.). Roll these dice separately.

Improved Grip
This feat gives you a +2 bonus to Climb and Grapple checks, and to resist Disarm attempts.

Far Spot
You halve all range penalties for Spot checks, due to your keen distance vision. After halving the numbers, subtract four from the remaining number. Your eyes are just that keen!

Skull Focus
You must prepare and carry a special skull, which you can use as an additional Focus component for any Necromancy spells (or spells from the Clerical Death, Repose or Undeath domains). To be effective, the skull must be from a creature that you killed yourself (although you can have had help in this fight), and it must be of a CR at least equal the level of the spell you are casting. For spells that fit these criteria, your caster level is +2 for caster level checks (such as for Spell Penetration, or to resist Counterspelling) and all other level-related effects (damage, duration, range, etc.) and any saving throw is at +1 DC. If the Skull is stolen, you suffer -1 caster level to *all* spells until it is returned or you renounce the link. If you renounce the link, or the skull is destroyed, you are immediately exhausted and take dice of nonlethal damage equal to your total hit dice (including modifiers for Constitution, etc.). It takes 24 hours, a suitable skull and an investment of 100 XP / maximum spell level to be affected to create a focus skull (or to replace one that has been destroyed).

Spell Focus, F, O, C, U, S.
You can always spell the word 'focus,' in any language. Being able to recognize this word provides you with a useful tool for translation, in the rare event where you find a bit of incomprehensible text that includes the word focus (+2 to Decipher Script checks, when appropriate).

Spill Spell
You can drop any damaging or hostile spell with a range of Close, Medium or Long right at your feet, affecting you as well as anyone around you. A spell prepared with this metamagic feat is prepared as a spell one level lower than normal. Example: A Spilled Fireball detonates in your square, but is treated as a 2nd level spell.
Special: A Spilled Spell requires an additional material component of butter, which must be applied to the caster's fingers.

[Eloel]

Spill Spell
You can drop any damaging or hostile spell with a range of Close, Medium or Long right at your feet, affecting you as well as anyone around you. A spell prepared with this metamagic feat is prepared as a spell one level lower than normal. Example: A Spilled Fireball detonates in your square, but is treated as a 2nd level spell.
Special: A Spilled Spell requires an additional material component of butter, which must be applied to the caster's fingers.

You win The Game.

[DracoDei]

Blind-Smite
Pre-requisites: Ability to Smite, Ability to Detect Evil (or some other alignment) at-will.
The power of Good can guide your weapon. A number of times per day equal to your charisma modifier (minimum 1) as a full-round action you may choose to be yanked wildly along as a weapon you wield (including a natural weapon) yanks you toward the nearest evil(for standard paladins) creature that is within the range of your detection ability. You then make a single attack at this creature. This carries all the penalties and none of the benefits of a charge. You take a -4 penalty to AC and all dexterity based checks for one round upon activating this ability due to the out of control yanking. (starting before you move or attack as a result of it).

[Delwugor]

WTF
Prerequisite: Doing something completely ridiculous
You have the ability to capture the attention of another party member by doing something so ridiculous they have to stop whatever they are doing and say "WTF are you doing?".

Improved WTF
Prerequisite: WTF
This works the same as WTF but everyone in your party stops what they are doing and synchronously says "WTF are you doing?".

Greatly Improved WTF
Prerequisite: Improved WTF
The same Improved WTF but everyone in 100ft stop what they are doing and asks "WTF are you doing?".

Godly WTF
Prerequisite: Greatly Improved WTF
The gods are now amused and laughingly say "WTF are you doing?"

[Debihuman]

9-Iron Will
You gain a +2 bonus on Will saves but only while playing golf.

Magical Attitude
You get a +2 bonus on all Spellcraft checks and Use Magic Device checks as long as you give everyone around you attitude.

Partial Weapon Proficiency
Choose any weapon
You are only slightly proficient with that weapon taking a -2 penalty on attack rolls.

Spirited Charge
Prerequisite: must have a credit card
You gain a +2 to Bluff checks when haggling with merchants.

Stunning Wrist
You give your oppenent a double slap to his or her face as means of showing your displeasure. The opponent must make a Reflex save or be stunned for 1d4 rounds.

Debby

[imp_fireball]

Improved Toll Rush

When an NPC imposes a toll for passage/trespassing (or any other such occurrence) against you, you receive a +4 bonus to all checks associated with quickly passing through without the need to pay said toll at all.

Fun

The amount of fun you have has its multiplier increased by 1. Unfortunately, since this cannot possibly apply to the player, it applies to the character instead. Whenever the character is having fun (usually applies to anything they enjoy), they receive a +4 morale bonus on will saves and an additional +1 morale bonus that only applies to any other morale bonuses already active (ie. bardic music) - usually involving attack/damage and/or skill check rolls.

Shelf Sufficient

If you are carrying a shelf, your shelf is automatically considered to be sufficient for whatever purpose you intend to use it for.

This feat may be taken multiple times, each time applying to a different shelf. This feat does not stack with shelves that you have already applied it to.

Pot on the Run

If you are occupying a port-a-potty and doing your business, you may command it to grow legs and run wherever you wish. Whatever the port-a-potty sees, you see, as established by a temporary telepathic link.

Improved Political

You are sufficiently schooled, to the point of receiving an 'improved degree' in political science. Although most people generally don't care about how this might apply to leadership, academics will frequently note this level of achievement and debates may become easier. Also a special reputation bonus is established with certain crowds at GM discretion for purposes of the leadership feat.

Great Leave

You are given leave to do whatever the hell you wish. Unfortunately, only the immediate parties are affected by this ability and outside third parties will likely seek vengeance for such rule breaking deviancy.

Rapid Clot

You are immune to the affects of wounding weapons (CON loss), however for every wound you suffer there is an increasing 5% chance that you will suffer a heart attack (beginning at 0%), rolled each time during rest. Upon the event of a heart attack, make a CON check.

If you roll lower than your CON score, then you remain conscious, but if not, you fall unconscious for 1d4 weeks. At GM discretion, enough heart attacks can result in immediate death.

Blind-Fight

You are skilled at fighting with a blind rage, giving you a +4 morale bonus to attack, damage and HP/HD, however you must challenge 1d4 opponents per day (the GM hides the roll from you). If you do not challenge enough opponents in a given day, the GM chooses which ones you challenge; in which case is considered to have temporarily fallen into complete mouth frothing insanity and likely attacking an innocent. How the party responds to this is up to them.

[Delwugor]

Spirited Charge
Prerequisite: must have a credit card
You gain a +2 to Bluff checks when haggling with merchants.

Improved Spirited Charge
Prerequisite: Spirited Charge
As Spiritied Charge but when used with a Magical Card of Charging and Not Paying you get a +4 Bluff check so that your significant other does not notice.

[Mercenary Pen]

Cower Attack
You receive +2 to attack and damage rolls whilst running away, hiding (whilst prone only), or under a fear effect that does not prevent you from attacking.

[Skyshot]

From the epic feats list:

Armor Kin
Your relatives gain a +1 natural armor bonus to Armor Class, or their existing natural armor bonus increases by 1.

Distant Sot
Someone, somewhere, is completely drunk.

Extended Life Spam
You will never be free of those e-mails.

Infinite Defection
You never stay on the same side for long.

Master Stuff
You're really good at, you know, things. I dunno, pick something.

[Athaniar]

Mounted Wombat
Prerequisite: Wombat Casting
All wombats you summon have a +5 bonus to all Ride checks they make.

Diebard
Prerequisite: Favored Enemy
Your favored enemy changes to bard.

Doge
Prerequisite: Leadership
You are now the leader of an Italian republic.

Improved Grape
All grapes you eat restore one hit point. You may only restore up to 5 hit points per level this way per day.

Stunning Fish
You must declare that you are using this feat before you make your attack roll (thus, a failed attack roll ruins the attempt). Stunning Fist forces a foe damaged by a fish you wield to make a Fortitude saving throw (DC 10 + ½ your character level + your Wis modifier), in addition to dealing damage normally. A defender who fails this saving throw is stunned for 1 round (until just before your next action).

Blue-Weapon Fighting
Any blue-colored weapon you wield deals an additional 1d4 damage.

Shot On The Nun
You deal an additional 1d4 damage with ranged weapons against female clerics (+1d6 if they are cloistered clerics).

Improved Family
Any of your family members that are within 50 ft. of you gain a +1 bonus to all saves they make.

Greet Cleave
Whenever you are attacked as a result of the Cleave feat, you gain a +2 diplomacy bonus when dealing with your attacker until the end of combat.

Improved Sunday
You gain a +1 bonus to all saves when it is Sunday.

[DracoDei]

Repost from the a thread that I only posted it to to bump the thread and stop my brain from fixating on the name:

Vapid Shot
Some people achieve supreme accuracy by entering a state known as "No Mind", their judgment and inner peace helping them reach this state (Zen Archery Feat)... You take a rather different route to this same state, never having had a mind to begin with.
Benefits: Subtract your intelligence modifier from all your ranged attack rolls (so a negative INT MOD gives a bonus to hit).
Normal: Being a moron doesn't make you a better shot...

[Chas the mage]

Great Cleavage
Prerequisite: must be female
benefit: +2 on all bluff and dimplomacy checks with those of the male gender.
Special: This feat can be taken multipile times with the help of a plastic surgeon. Its effects stack.

[Mercenary Pen]

Smell Focus
You receive a +2 bonus to all checks to determine the origin of a smell as long as it is within 120ft of you.