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View Full Version : there goes another gaming group (rant)



Kol Korran
2009-08-09, 05:25 AM
sorry people, just wanted to vent. i'm 30 years old, and my gaming friends are of similar ages. i have played DnD 1st ed and ADnD when i was younger, but about 3 years ago, a friend of mine brought me the 3.5 player's book, and the enthusiasem was rekindled.

but it's just SOOOOO much harder getting a functioning gaming group in these ages- people are by far busier, some with advanced studies, some with relationships (or even marriages), some with work, some with kids. and most are busy with a combination of the above.

in these 3 years i've Tried DMing 3 groups, all of which fell apart due time limitations- we could meet only once every 4-5 weeks with a reasonable amount of people, and that time lag also caused people to forget what was going on, and therefore the game suffered.

i realise i might have needed to adjust and to plan lighter games, but that's just not my DMing style. i like complexity, possibilites, and more complex adventures than "lets kill all the monsters in the dungeon and get the McGuffin"...

i'm bummed out. it realy annoys me. i have found some more serious players in the different groups, maybe i'll try and piece together another group, it's just that at this time, i realy don't know if i should bother.

um, i think that's the end of my rant. no need to realy respond, i just needed somewhere to vent this into.

Kol.

Triaxx
2009-08-09, 06:04 AM
Try a play by e-mail game. That way you can keep a record of what happened, by sending along a copy of the last weeks e-mail to anyone that needs a reminder. And unlike a PbP, you can wait for everyone to send in actions, then resolve the entire turn at once.

Fiendish_Dire_Moose
2009-08-09, 06:37 AM
I'd tell you I know how you feel, but, my group is 19-22 age range and we meet weekly. Now, we have had random players we've invited. We've lost three players 30+, one simply because he was an ass who felt the need to not know what anything does and only look it up on his turn causing combat to take twice as long. Second one lost his free time with us due to children, and the last, a wife.
I personally hate playing only 1-2 a month, mostly just because I LOVE gaming, but also because interest can dwindle and die. But whenever there is need to take long breaks I always keep in touch with my group and friends to make sure they're still up to date.

I guess the moral here is: As you get older, gaming takes more energy. Hope you can get a group to play more often with, it's always crappy watching people not get to play just because of time issues.

AKA_Bait
2009-08-09, 07:44 AM
On the bright side, once your group starts having children old enough you can multiptask by teaching the kids to game and playing with them. At least, that's my plan.

Indon
2009-08-09, 07:46 AM
Have you considered IRC?

The best group I have right now is an earlier group which kept together on the internet when we all went to other places.

Edit: Also, when you find a good player, keep in contact with them forever.

Eldan
2009-08-09, 08:21 AM
Hey, I've never had more than two other people in my group, and we also never played more often than once every two weeks, at best...

Kobold-Bard
2009-08-09, 08:36 AM
I have the advantage of having my university having a Roleplay society, and a rather dedicated president who's turned York into a d20 Modern setting (in which I play a hobo mage, fun times).

As previously mentioned email/pbp games are a good alternative sometimes if you can't find a stable group. That's how I found this site in the first place.

AstralFire
2009-08-09, 08:46 AM
Sorry to hear that; hope the new group works out for you better.

elliott20
2009-08-09, 09:08 AM
as someone who has a 15 month old at home, I know exactly where you're coming from man, Kol Korran.

Putting together a gaming group just becomes THAT much harder when you got other responsibilities. That happens in my older VA group very often. I was the youngest of the group, at the age of 27. The oldest one of us was around his late 30s and one of us even has a 12 year old he needs to take care of.

suffice to say, playing a very tightly controlled game was difficult.

Our solution? play games with lighter rules, and have multiple games running so if the key players are not in, we can simply play a different game.

this worked out to a certain extent as our campaigns all had to be kept short.

NeoVid
2009-08-09, 04:25 PM
I understand so well it's depressing.

Skorj
2009-08-09, 04:55 PM
You'll long for the free time you have now when you hit 40. :smalltongue:

That's the thing about gamers as they pass 30: eventually the snark will be a boojum, and they'll softly and suddenly vanish away.

TheCountAlucard
2009-08-09, 05:03 PM
Man, now I feel lucky that my gaming group meets once a week.

When my players were having trouble remembering what went on from session to session, one of them started taking notes during the session, and at the beginning of every game after that, we'd have a "recap," in which we went over said notes.

valadil
2009-08-09, 05:03 PM
I worry that my group is starting to fade. We switched over to biweekly games because no one person had time to GM every week. This was fine when we alternated games and played every week, but now we just have one biweekly game and the GM has been flaky.

keilyn
2009-08-09, 06:01 PM
Ah, the woes of aging gamers - I can definately relate. work, life, kids and trying to find time to spend with friends and family can be especially difficult to work gaming into. On top of that, I live in a small rural town with almost -no- gamers, so my spouse and I have resorted to just gaming together.

I guess in a situation like this, it's mostly just storytelling, but it's something we've both come to enjoy dearly, and it's improved our (meaning my) ability to think in character quite a bit, as well as maintained our love of the game, and is quality time spent together.

Now we both have a chance to game with a new group of 3 others, and we're having a lot of fun. In the end, it can all turn out to be a blessing in disguise, is what I'm trying to say, I guess.

My 2 cents. Now off to bug my better half about more xp.....

ken-do-nim
2009-08-09, 07:37 PM
I shell out $60 in babysitting for every gaming session; it's the only way I can do it. I usually game once a month. I start out each session by reviewing the story so far.

Another_Poet
2009-08-09, 07:44 PM
I am nearly 30 and everyone else in my group is over 30. Here is what I suggest.

Restructure the group(s) you DM into a single "pick-up roleplaying anthology."

It's easier to show you then tell you, so here is the link (http://sites.google.com/site/calyxchronicles/) to one in my local area. This style makes it very easy to get enough busy adults together for regular sessions.

Aron Times
2009-08-09, 09:43 PM
In before MapTool (http://rptools.net/doku.php).

Korivan
2009-08-09, 10:16 PM
Im 26, married with kid. Almost half of our group is married with kids...Trust me, I understand. We have to plan 2 weeks ahead. (All of our groups children are under 1 year of age). Other then planning ahead...We just simply don't get to play. Not everyone has access to internet.

Gamgee
2009-08-09, 11:39 PM
My current group is fairly consistent 4 players. One of them has missed only a single game in his entire life. Then the other three are fairly consistent in joining. We meet once a week, but we also have tons of free time. Subject to change as we get older.

Gaiyamato
2009-08-10, 12:06 AM
I had the same problem as the OP, solved this by coming online. Though pbp has it's own problems. :P

Kol Korran
2009-08-10, 12:40 AM
thanks for the replies people, it helped! we allready do the "recap" thing, but it doesn't help that much.

anyway, thanks.

Kol.

JonestheSpy
2009-08-10, 12:52 AM
I'm in the same boat; gaming as an adult with a life - not just responsibilities, but other fun things to do and social obligations, makes playing regularly difficult.

My last campaing faded away when the most regular player got a job far away. Some of the same folks and I will be trying a brand new one soon, hopefully it will hold together better.

My best advice - meet on a weeknight that is unlikely to have anything interesting going on. Once you're out of college, no one has time on the weekeends.

On the bright side, think of all the time you'll have to game when you retire...

RTGoodman
2009-08-10, 12:59 AM
Hey, let me tell ya, I'm only 21, and age has NOTHING to do with dying gaming groups.

When I first started played, I was probably 15-16 or so, and the rest of the group ranged from 14 to maybe 19. We played a few times, but the people gave up, didn't like the DM, had other things to do, blah blah blah. Fell apart pretty fast.

Next group, I was about 17, and the rest of the players were 16 or so. We played a little more, but even with going to school together, all being in band together, and whatnot, we eventually fell apart because people had "better" things to do. Like girlfriends.

In college, most of my groups included folks from 18 to 30+. The oldest guy was a Desert Storm vet, had a wife, two kids, and a new house. He was the MOST consistent, while some of the people that barely even went to class and had no jobs didn't show up occasionally. And then at least a few found something better to do with their time. Namely, significant others, again. And, of course, when the couple in the group broke up, that whole thing fell apart.

When I moved back home, my group from when I was 17ish got back together and played, er... two sessions. Then most of them found girlfriends AGAIN that had them so whipped they weren't allowed to even hang out with us. Thus died that group, again, with only two "survivors" that have managed to at least get a once-in-a-while 4E game going with total role-playing noobs.

Really, I think the thing is that people expect different things from RPGs. Most of the people that spend time here on the internet discussing them, I would guess, are more serious and would like a nice weekly game (or three) to play in. Most others, though, don't. They just want to hang out, and RPGs are good for that. And as I've learned, well, you've just got to deal with it. :smallfrown:

Keld Denar
2009-08-10, 02:16 AM
The solution is simple! Spawn more players!

Also has the benefit of allowing you to grow and cultivate them into brilliantly-thinking RPers who are totally dedicated to character growth and developement. Also, allows you to quell player uprising with the powerful "Because Daddy DM says so!"

PairO'Dice Lost
2009-08-10, 07:55 AM
Hey, let me tell ya, I'm only 21, and age has NOTHING to do with dying gaming groups.

When I first started played, I was probably 15-16 or so, and the rest of the group ranged from 14 to maybe 19. We played a few times, but the people gave up, didn't like the DM, had other things to do, blah blah blah. Fell apart pretty fast.

Next group, I was about 17, and the rest of the players were 16 or so. We played a little more, but even with going to school together, all being in band together, and whatnot, we eventually fell apart because people had "better" things to do. Like girlfriends.

In college, most of my groups included folks from 18 to 30+. The oldest guy was a Desert Storm vet, had a wife, two kids, and a new house. He was the MOST consistent, while some of the people that barely even went to class and had no jobs didn't show up occasionally. And then at least a few found something better to do with their time. Namely, significant others, again. And, of course, when the couple in the group broke up, that whole thing fell apart.

When I moved back home, my group from when I was 17ish got back together and played, er... two sessions. Then most of them found girlfriends AGAIN that had them so whipped they weren't allowed to even hang out with us. Thus died that group, again, with only two "survivors" that have managed to at least get a once-in-a-while 4E game going with total role-playing noobs.

Really, I think the thing is that people expect different things from RPGs. Most of the people that spend time here on the internet discussing them, I would guess, are more serious and would like a nice weekly game (or three) to play in. Most others, though, don't. They just want to hang out, and RPGs are good for that. And as I've learned, well, you've just got to deal with it. :smallfrown:

I'm lucky enough that both my D&D groups fit the nerd stereotype fairly well. ("Skip D&D? For an icky girl? HEATHEN!" :smallwink:) My home group has been together for 17 years (with a short 3-year break around '99 as the two of us Army brats moved away) and my college group of 14 looks to be staying together for the foreseeable future. In fact, when one guy's girlfriend came to visit, instead of skipping the session to hang out with her, he asked me to make up a temp character and work her into the story so she could join us!