Critique a student animation?

[Pocketa]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvZ0QdQ5NWw&feature=channel

Obviously, the music isn't mine. The animation is, however, in full my work, nobody else, no team, etc.

I entered into a contest last year for a $15,000 scholarship and got 2nd place. I'm able to enter it again this year, but I want to make it better, obviously.

I'd love critique on it, harsh, harsh critique that will make me tremble and curl into a ball at night.

Well, maybe not that harsh. But I can't look at it very objectively.

What I know needs to be fixed:

Water effects
Things with the spire
Tree scene
Landscapes
Possibly the lightning storm
The poor ending

[Berserk Monk]

Animation is alright. The swirling stars where nice, but the rocks need work.

[thubby]

any chance you have a link to what got first?

prepare to be nitpicked:
fire effects seemed out of place after the beginning.

you could have done something with the transition at 1:25, especially considering it thematically deals with going into someone's mind/soul

the first thunder effect i thought came in a little late, and the barrage of images around 1:30 came a little early.

overall i thought it was good, but it was very literal. a big bang thing for "back to the beginning", rain for the chorus, etc.
there is something to be said for not going overboard, but the artsy types might have liked something a bit more symbolic (for lack of a better word)

[GoC]

This goes on the assumption that the animation is supposed to be accompanied by the music and that the animations will be judged on artistic feel instead of technical skills demonstrated. If it isn't then disregard.

Anyway:
A glaring lack of symbolism or depth. It's a collection of animations with only a token connection to the music. And the animations aren't amazing enough to stand up by themselves. The words need to appear in the picture. You should be able to get the exact same thoughts/emotions from the movie without sound as the music. You missed some amazing opportunities to match something with "different", "dream" and "wash away". As thubby points out you also need to work on the timing.

Could be quite good if this issue is dealt with.

Just my $0.02.

[Pocketa]

It's synced with the music, but that's not the actual storyline. Universe created, zoom into a random planet, watch life sprout, watch the planet die, watch the universe die, rinse, repeat.

The fire effect at the beginning is really out of sync. I'm not going to replace it with anything, probably just cut it. Part of the timing problems is the fact it got butchered by YouTube, along with the volume.

[hap_hazard]

The first lightning bolt at 0.56ish seems off. Like it just pops up whole rather than striking out like the other bolts.

When the screen turns turquoise at 1.33 there's a noticeable pause before anything happens.

The pixelation effect at 2.01 doesn't really fit.

[Irbis]

Well, basically? I'm not that experienced in 3D graphic (a year side course over my college studies), so I can only offer critique from my brief experience with teachers:

1) This thing is basically a pile of special effects thrown one after another. It looks like a tutorial or demo of all tools within the program - incoherent scenes, at that. I'm not saying a story is required, but a better explanation (like - if you're going from space to planet, show that planet; show beginnings of life, transitions, etc.)

2) Too CG, plastic feeling. Watch a documentary with trees growing on rapidly speeded film, or flash flood eroding soil, then try to copy that. Currently, it doesn't look realistically. Or course, that doesn't have to look realistically, but then, it would be nice to 'wow' audience with creative use of effects. Currently, it looks very plainly.

3) Again, abrupt transitions with glowing worms that have nothing to do with other parts of the movie; parts of this movie feel like that animated equalizer from Windows Media Player, especially the cloud, waterfall, rain, galaxy and fountain effects. Oh, and too liberally sprinkled flares.

Basically, this movie has no idea behind it. Even something simple, using the very effects you use, like a glowing butterfly, viewed from behind as it flies (and butterflies are easy to animate, too) first through the stars, then to a planet, through these decaying canyons, to finally land on one of these freshly grown trees, would give this one binding element, and a chance to do a few nice tricks that would have awed audience even in a move three times shorter.

[potatocubed]

Bear in mind I just watched this on silent, because I'm at work and my boss doesn't like noisy videos.


1) This thing is basically a pile of special effects thrown one after another. It looks like a tutorial or demo of all tools within the program - incoherent scenes, at that.

I kind of got this feeling as well. Also, some of the effects don't quite work. Like the raindrops near the beginning - raindrops don't actually look like that when they strike a surface. If you could get a more accurate 'splosh' effect in there it would look ten times better.

You need to do something with the storm, with the rain coming down in a diagonal slant and the thunder originating in all directions from a point in the centre. That doesn't really work. I would suggest choosing a single POV and animating the whole scene from that angle.

[Ashtar]

From my perspective, it would be good to do a quick storyboard and give purpose to the sequences.

The terraforming pinkish blur sequence stands out as a wtf? to me, since I haven't been able to decide if you added the artistic stuff to hide the terrain or not?

Also the tree growing really looks very much out of place, as if you only use scaling and haven't animated it at all.

All in all, I feel it's a case of too much at once...

[bluewind95]

The effects are pretty. Sure they don't look perfectly realistic, but they're pretty for the most part. However, as has been said, it looks like a general collection of random special effects. I also think that giving it all more natural transitions, with purpose and meaning behind them, would do wonders for it.