[HelpfulCriticism] My Vampires!

[Shadowbane]

So, if you created vampires, like I have with a writing project I'm doing, what would their abilities be? Their limitations, their appetites, biology? Cause? Way they made other vampires?

For me, my vampires work like this:

1. They have no blood flow. This means no sexual activity whatsoever, no bleeding, etc.

2. They can only be killed by having their heart removed and then their head destroyed, then having the body burned. If they are not killed in this way, the vampire will regenerate during the next full moon, more powerful than ever.

3. Weaker vampires, ones that have been vampires for under 1 decade, can be killed by dealing extreme damage to the body, e.g. ripping it in half. After a decade, they are too strong to be killed this way.

4. Vampires must ingest at least a cup of blood at least once a day. Fresh blood gives them pleasure akin to sex, but also sends them into a killing frenzy. This can be avoided by simply bottling blood and drinking it later.

5. Vampires are created during the full moon, by a virus that enters the blood by being in the presence of a vampire at the time of the full moon and having any open wounds or bleeding. (Women vampires are often created this way, because of certain monthly functions.) Vampires do not age once turned, so child vampires stay children, at least physically.

6. The lord of vampires is Mortifer Nox Noctis, an extra-dimensional elder evil type being, who has "tentacles" in this dimension. Those tentacles are the "Mr." vampires and the Twisted. (Beings created by the "Mr." vampires, they are extremely powerful, in fact, the most powerful type of vampire there is.) Vampires of the Noctis Coven feast often on humans, using blood banks and the like, while some newborn vampires (primals) feed directly off humans for the fresh blood rush. Noctis vampires can use silver weapons to increase their strength twofold.

7. There is a second type of vampire, created, strangely enough, by the Curator Angelus. These vampires are virtually identical to the Noctis vampires, but operate in an entirely separate Coven. These vampires never feast on humans, and react strangely to the newly discovered metal "Silversteel." Silversteel weapons seem to increase their strength fourfold. Research is undergoing. There are about half as many Angelus vampires as Noctis vampires.

8. Vampires are not effected in any adverse way by sunlight. However, because they often stand out because their body leaks pheromones that make them extremely attractive to both sexes, they often do not go out during the daytime.

9. Vampires are not effected by garlic, holy symbols, or other such items. They are effected by brute force and superior strength, cunning and speed. Nothing else.

10. Vampires are 100% immortal. They do not age, die of disease or natural causes, or even get sick. They are only able to be killed in the way stated above.

Powers:

1. Regeneration. All vampires constantly use their muscles at their full potential. Newborn vampires have regeneration that allows them to heal the damage done to the muscles instantaneously. The "Mr." vampires and the Twisted have enhanced regeneration, to the point where they can regenerate entire severed limbs almost instantaneously.

2. Shape-shifting. Vampires can shape-shift into anything. They are limited only by their imagination. The shifted forms may not even need to be biological in nature, more than one vampire has been known to change his arms into sub-machine guns with never-ending bullets. Shape-shifting is excruciating, however. Nolan "Nocturne" Gresham, the vampire famous for creating razor bone spikes out of his body, often would experience mind-shattering agony while shifting into this form. Therefore, while the imagination is the only real limit, pain is a factor, forcing most vampires to restrain their creativity.

3. Shadow manipulation. Vampires that have contracted a particularly strong virus from another vampire gains this ability. It is the most potent ability of any vampire: it allows the user to mimic any ability they see, instantly and easily, without any accompanying downsides. The most famous user of shadow manipulation is Mikelle "Amaranthine" Nguyen.

4. Evocation/Elemental manipulation. Again, an ability limited only by one's imagination. This ability is simply the manipulation of one's surroundings, such as creating fire from nothing, freezing the air into ice, summoning lighting from one's body using innate electrical impulses, or more. This ability is extremely rare among vampires because it requires great focus, creativity, and mental power beyond that of most vampires. Easily the most famous practitioner in the world, Thao "Oath" Tran is also the inventor of the famous Balefire, or Agony-Flame, the most powerful evocation known.

5. Enchantment/Hypnosis. This ability is simply the vampire's ability to influence the mortals around him. It is a simple ability, often subconscious, using pheromones the vampire's body creates.

6. Sixth Sense. Vampires, as immortals, are highly in tune with the etheric plane, or the supernatural/paranormal plane, as mortals would call it. They can sense what others do not, and have extremely heightened senses because of it. Vampires that were formerly blind as humans suddenly will see a hundred times as well as a human when they are turned.

7. Enhanced processing skills. Vampires can process hundreds of times more information than ordinary humans. This is shown simply by their enhanced senses.

8. Psychic abilities. Some vampires are clairaudient, clairsentient, clairvoyant, clairgustant, clairalient, or claircognizant. These abilities vary widely between individual vampires.

Age Categories:

1. Primals. Vampires who have been turned within a year. Weak vampires with only basic versions of the above powers.

2. Adepts. Vampires who have been turned within ten years. Fairly strong vampires, and often solitary.

3. Savants. Vampires who have been turned within fifty years. They often work in Covens of three-six. Very strong vampires.

4. Hunters. Vampires who have been turned within one century. Extremely strong vampires, they are fully matured. They often lead entire Covens of younger vampires.

5. Elders. Vampires older than one century, their powers are generally undocumented. Such vampires are known as famous historical figures, and are extremely influential. (Examples: Alexander the Great, Vlad the Impaler, Attila the Hun, Adolf Hitler) ((All of the listed vampires are deceased.))

Other types of vampires:

1. The "Mr." vampires. These vampires are Mortifer Nox Noctis. They all have widely divergent personalities and appearances. The most commonly known "Mr."'s are Mr. Suck, Mr. Cruel, Mr. Gloom and Mr. Smile. They are extremely powerful, possessing all the powers of Elder vampires, as well as some unique abilities. "Mr." vampires cannot be killed by anything less than Balefire, which is often fatal to the user. They are, in their true forms, hundreds of billions of tiny worms that can divide and exist entirely on their own. As such, "Mr." vampires can dissolve into such worms and reform, as well as exist quite easily in hundreds of places at once, all at the same time. The "Mr." vampires feed only on humans, and drain not only their blood but their immortal soul. This can, in a few cases (to be detailed lower) lead to the creation of a Twisted.

2. The Twisted. Twisted are humans with every single bit of goodness drained out of them. They are created by a loved one (usually an ordinary vampire) having been present at their death by a "Mr." The Mr. vampire can then take that that loved one's sorrow and bless it with a tiny bit of Noctis's essence. The body is then seeded with the essence. It dissolves into black, desiccated thorns, and reforms as a Twisted six days later. A Twisted is a vampire who has all the powers of a "Mr." but greatly increased, almost to a limitless amount. However, Twisted are often extremely unwise and arrogant, and can be killed by the loved one staking them through the heart with a blade set alight with Balefire.

Other Beings:

1. Vampire Hunters. Vampire hunters are created by ordinary humans being implanted with the heart of a literal devil. This gives them the ability to take on the strength, speed and cunning of that devil once or more per day, and in some cases stronger abilities. They also violate the law of conservation of energy by simply being alive. Any movement within the body of the vampire hunter, or of the body of the vampire hunter, creates kinetic energy. The created kinetic energy is stored and can be released in blasts channeled from the eyes, mouth, or hands. This energy takes on visible form, usually red blasts. It is unknown how this happens, but it is likely it has a supernatural explanation.

____________________________________________

I know it's a lot, I'm sorry. Feedback? Good, bad, awful, wonderful? All is welcome, please!

[V'icternus]

Well, I'm not sure what you want from me exactly, you seem to have this pretty well thought out, but I guess I'll give you a detailed analysis of what I think...

1. This is fine, and works well with the whole Vampiric vibe.

2. This is... wow, they'd be hard to kill... might want to make it easier, or they'll never die.

3. Ahh, that's better. You'd just need to explain why ripping a Vampire in half would kill it, seeing as it has no blood flow and cannot die of blood loss...

4. Yikes, that sounds dangerous. Just one problem, story-wise, I can see with this... what kind of self-respecting Vampire doesn't drink his blood directly from his victim?
Also, what happens if they don't get their blood? Insta-death? Rampage? Sudden weakness?

5. Hmm, alright, well, I'm not so much a fan of there being a relation between Vampires and the Full Moon (that's kind of the Werewolf's shtick), and kind of removes the Vampirism from them... (traditionally, Vampires bite. It's kind of their, you know... "thing".)

6. This seems mostly fine, good for a story, etc.
The silver thing seems out of place (Silver, again, being a Werewolf thing), but story-wise, this bit looks good...

7. Pure plot, and good sounding plot to boot. No complaints at all.

8. Well, Vamps hating sunshine is a rather integral part of their modern image (Please, please don't mention Twilight to me, or I will have to leave, post-haste.) As for the attracting opposite gender thing, that works, and is sometimes a part of traditional Vampire mythos...

9. Well, this parts your choice. Those are traditional weaknesses, but these are your Vampires.
Depending on your world, you may want to mention why there are rumours that these things stop them. (Maybe a ritual of some kind that involves them that can banish a Vampire to another dimension or something, I dunno...)

10. That's pretty usual. (A good plot-point, depending on your main characters, etc. might be one or two diseases only catchable by Vampires that either weakens them or kills them.)

Powers: Alright, these seem pretty cool... be careful, though, as with all these powers, any Vampire that's 100+ years old is pretty unkillable. (And the Vampire Hunters don't seem like they could really take them, especially with the limits on how they must be killed and whatnot.)

Extra: Now, you know that bit about Vampires having to be killed a specific way or they get stronger? What's to stop a Vampire repeatedly mutilating himself, month after month, to make sure he is more powerful than anyone else could ever be? All he has to do is rip his own head off or jump out of a plane and at the next full moon, he comes back with a power boost.

Final word: Overall? Really good. Needs some work, as all things do, but has the makings of a good read.
Might not want to use the term Vampire to describe their species, though... when I wanted to write a Vampire-style fic, I realised that what I really wanted wasn't a traditional Vampire, it was something else. So, I made a new species, and created a story about how it came to be, and voila!
But, you don't have to. Certain people have proven that almost anything is acceptable with Vampires for some audiences. Even sparkles.

[Mr. Mud]

Overall, they're a bit Over powered by the looks of it. Of course, this depends on the world around them, how many hunters there are, how many vampires there are, et cetera.

[Dracomorph]

If I was to make vampires, they'd have most of the following, with occasional case-by-case changes for interesting plots;

1. Weakened drastically in sunlight. Very powerful vampires might not be stopped by it, but they would be unable to command their full might. Weaker vampires would be physically unable to enter sunlight, and if forced into it, would crumble to dust.

2. Stupid. Vampires I made would, most commonly, be of animal intelligence, with only the strongest able to retain their personality. Most are feral, predatory animals that happen to have once been human. Feral vamps would be driven primarily by their lust for blood.

3. Vampires MUST drink blood. Additionally, they desire it even if they are sentient and in control of their own actions. And none of that sissy "I only drink animals" stuff, either. Vampires are monsters who feed on their former compatriots, not emotionally wounded zombie goths.

4. Other than their own physical enhancements, vampire powers are subtle. Creatures tend to act the way a vampire wants them to, rather than precisely following commands. Mists happen to appear when they go out to feed. Stuff like that.

5. Standard weaknesses; garlic, holy/blessed items, stakes through the heart. To really kill one, you stake it through the heart, then fill its mouth with holy wafers. Works on all vampires, although you'd be hard pressed to get strong ones in their sleep.

Essentially, slightly modified Bram Stoker vampires.

[V'icternus]

So I think the general consensus may be that you need to de-power them a little.

(Intelligence-wise, I'd actually put them at human level. Just remember, some humans are idiots, some have pure genius inside of them, and some are just normal. And, some are animal in nature...)

And I'm a fan of there being a few ways to kill them...

1. Wooden object through heart = dust
2. Beheaded = dust
3. Entering sunlight = dust (But they can stand it longer the longer they've "lived")
4. Bathed (literally) in Holy Water = puddle of glop (But how are you gonna get a Vampire to bathe in Holy Water? It's easier just to cut their heads off)
5. Deprived of blood for an extended period of time = weak. Really weak. (The period of time is up to you, but if you go for one day, then unless there are less than a thousand Vampires in existance, the Human race will be gone really fast, and then there's no one left to turn)

[TRM]

I am not a fan of 9, or 8, or 5, or 2. They seem like Twilight vampires—Vampires that are changed drastically for the sake of being changed; I can imagine a sentence in this writing project where one of the vampires scornfully tells a hunter "These old myths that we create each other with bites, these are nothing more than stupid stories."

I am intrigued by 6 and 7. You don't need to modify vampires beyond recognition in order to make them original, and I think it actually works better to simply give them interesting in-world background (and maybe a couple of changes, because those are fun). For example: Buffy vamps are very typical, but the existence of a Slayer and the work put into characterizing leaves them much more interesting than just saying "this is different, and this, and this, and this, and ooo! this."

[WalkingTarget]

One thing that sticks out to me is in point 5 you say that vampirism is spread by a virus. Is that what you meant or is it shorthand for saying that the vector is something people are susceptible to by being around them, but not necessarily a disease?

The reason this seems odd to me is that a virus acts in particular biological ways, but several of your other points don't really mesh with that idea. If you're going with the "disease" explanation, but there's no blood flow, why is the heart significant? In what way does a virus impart shape-shifting abilities? Stuff like that. Explaining it with a virus, bacteria, spore, etc. is what to do if you're trying to ground vampirism in something approaching realism (read the original I am Legend for a good example). If it's supposed to be supernatural, which it seems to be based on your descriptions, then I'd avoid using the word "virus" or other mundane explanations for it.

You might try to tie it to the idea of miasma (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miasma_theory_of_disease) instead if you're wanting to keep the disease angle in there.

[zeratul]

It seems sort of like your combining different traditions having to do with vampire killing. Since some say you have to destroy the heart, some the head, some say you have to burn the body, etc. I'd say perhaps you should maybe limit yourself to one in a general sort of way so that they're not impossible to kill.

I also think the not effected by sunlight might be a bad choice. This is because vampires being extremely attractive to humans is not a reason for them not to go outside, just as in a particular not so good vampire series which I will not name, sparkling shouldn't have been a reason for them not to go outside. "Going outside will make you Uber sexy" doesn't seem like a deterrent.

Personally I also don;t get why people are ditching the garlic and holy symbols thing now a days since it;s as ingrained in vampire folklore as the cutting off the head, drinking blood, and not aging and all that. The use of holy symbols makes the vampires job harder, making him have to come up with new ways to do things, making the story more interesting (IE. in the book dracula Lucy's room is covered with garlic, Dracula having control over animals sends a wolf into her room to break the window, and destroy all of the garlic allowing him to enter. This was a damn cool scene).

Overall I think vampires become less cool if you make their job too easy, which undermines their coolness in my opinion

[comicshorse]

I don't think the virus idea and the extra-dimensiona; elder evil really mix. Either have them have a scientific explanation or a supernatural one, mixing the two just seems clumsy.

Also Shapeshifting into anything ? Regeneration ? Elemental control ? Physic powers ? God these things are powerful. Why aren't they running the world by now ? I's seriously consider de-powering them a bit

Also do they have to be immune to sunlight. I really like that weakness, it just seems to me to be one of the great parts of the vampire myth

[UnChosenOne]

Well, I think that these vampires are interesting ones, but at the same time they are realy overpowered. You should realy make them weaker. :smallwink:

[zeratul]

I don't think the virus idea and the extra-dimensiona; elder evil really mix. Either have them have a scientific explanation or a supernatural one, mixing the two just seems clumsy.

Also Shapeshifting into anything ? Regeneration ? Elemental control ? Physic powers ? God these things are powerful. Why aren't they running the world by now ? I's seriously consider de-powering them a bit

Also do they have to be immune to sunlight. I really like that weakness, it just seems to me to be one of the great parts of the vampire myth

Actually the classic Dracula style vampire has all of those minus the phsychic powers and with only limited shifting. Traditionaly vampires are able to turn into "creatures of the night" (bats, wolves, etc.). Elemental control is sort of a stretch, but vampires are often seen causing storms or fog to occur.

[The Demented One]

Just gonna explore the implications of your premises...


1. They have no blood flow. This means no sexual activity whatsoever, no bleeding, etc.
Makes perfect sense for an undead creature - but if that's the case, why do they need to drink blood? It's clearly not doing


2. They can only be killed by having their heart removed and then their head destroyed, then having the body burned. If they are not killed in this way, the vampire will regenerate during the next full moon, more powerful than ever.
Why? Without a blood flow, having the heart removed doesn't seem like it would do anything - does it still factor into whatever their body does with blood? The brain part makes sense by itself, but it entails that the vampires still have a working nervous system, which has its own consequences.



3. Weaker vampires, ones that have been vampires for under 1 decade, can be killed by dealing extreme damage to the body, e.g. ripping it in half. After a decade, they are too strong to be killed this way.
Makes sense. I assume an elder that gets ripped in half can just re-fuse his body parts, or regenerate?


4. Vampires must ingest at least a cup of blood at least once a day. Fresh blood gives them pleasure akin to sex, but also sends them into a killing frenzy. This can be avoided by simply bottling blood and drinking it later.
Why? What purpose does the blood serve, and why does it have to be blood? Is there a negative effect for not drinking blood? Can they die of it, or would it be purely psychological? Breaking down living blood to fuel the regeneration makes a sort of intuitive sense, even if it's not scientifically valid. With elder beings involved, I'm willing to settle for intuitive sense.


5. Vampires are created during the full moon, by a virus that enters the blood by being in the presence of a vampire at the time of the full moon and having any open wounds or bleeding. (Women vampires are often created this way, because of certain monthly functions.) Vampires do not age once turned, so child vampires stay children, at least physically.
Why the full moon part? It doesn't really factor into the pop culture vampire mythos, and it doesn't really make sense at all if it's a virus, unless it's more magical curse than infection.



6. The lord of vampires is Mortifer Nox Noctis, an extra-dimensional elder evil type being, who has "tentacles" in this dimension. Those tentacles are the "Mr." vampires and the Twisted. (Beings created by the "Mr." vampires, they are extremely powerful, in fact, the most powerful type of vampire there is.) Vampires of the Noctis Coven feast often on humans, using blood banks and the like, while some newborn vampires (primals) feed directly off humans for the fresh blood rush. Noctis vampires can use silver weapons to increase their strength twofold.
This sort of convolutes things - you've got some vampires who are avatars/limbs of this Outer God, and then vampires who are infected humans who then become avatar-limbs? I like the idea of the source of the infetion being a Lovecraftian being, even if it's a bit played, and if I'm understanding the idea of "Mr. Vampires" correctly, then I love it. Just need to clean up the cosmology a bit. The only other concern is that giving an Outer God-type thing a Latin name...seems a bit weak. I'd either give it an alien-ish name, a la Lovecraft, or just a title in plain english that vamps would call it.

Also, silver weapons enhancing strength? Not really seeing any reason for it, either on an intuitive sense level or a vampire mythos level. I'd drop it, just give the vampires superstrength if you want them to have it.



7. There is a second type of vampire, created, strangely enough, by the Curator Angelus. These vampires are virtually identical to the Noctis vampires, but operate in an entirely separate Coven. These vampires never feast on humans, and react strangely to the newly discovered metal "Silversteel." Silversteel weapons seem to increase their strength fourfold. Research is undergoing. There are about half as many Angelus vampires as Noctis vampires.
Why whould the beings created by an entirely different being be identical to the Mortifer vampires? Is there just one vampirization virus, and Mortifer and the Curator just happen to use both use it? There might be a better cosmological way to get good vampires in the setting. (Also, silversteel? Just a weak idea. I'd nix it).



8. Vampires are not effected in any adverse way by sunlight. However, because they often stand out because their body leaks pheromones that make them extremely attractive to both sexes, they often do not go out during the daytime.
Hah! I like this one, just for playing with the romanticizing of vampires. Might want to give a justification for why an undead being's body would be producing pheromones, or else just make it a supernatural thing - but still, I like the concept. Beats sparkly skin.



9. Vampires are not effected by garlic, holy symbols, or other such items. They are effected by brute force and superior strength, cunning and speed. Nothing else.

10. Vampires are 100% immortal. They do not age, die of disease or natural causes, or even get sick. They are only able to be killed in the way stated above.
No problems here.



1. Regeneration. All vampires constantly use their muscles at their full potential. Newborn vampires have regeneration that allows them to heal the damage done to the muscles instantaneously. The "Mr." vampires and the Twisted have enhanced regeneration, to the point where they can regenerate entire severed limbs almost instantaneously.
Makes sense, especially if you state blood as fueling the regeneration.



2. Shape-shifting. Vampires can shape-shift into anything. They are limited only by their imagination. The shifted forms may not even need to be biological in nature, more than one vampire has been known to change his arms into sub-machine guns with never-ending bullets. Shape-shifting is excruciating, however. Nolan "Nocturne" Gresham, the vampire famous for creating razor bone spikes out of his body, often would experience mind-shattering agony while shifting into this form. Therefore, while the imagination is the only real limit, pain is a factor, forcing most vampires to restrain their creativity.
Not really seeing this. I guess it could work, but it doesn't really seem to fit the rest of the stuff you've got.



3. Shadow manipulation. Vampires that have contracted a particularly strong virus from another vampire gains this ability. It is the most potent ability of any vampire: it allows the user to mimic any ability they see, instantly and easily, without any accompanying downsides. The most famous user of shadow manipulation is Mikelle "Amaranthine" Nguyen.
Not totally sure what you mean by this - I think it's Peter Petrelli-style power mimicry, right? Who would they be copying powers from? How does this work?



4. Evocation/Elemental manipulation. Again, an ability limited only by one's imagination. This ability is simply the manipulation of one's surroundings, such as creating fire from nothing, freezing the air into ice, summoning lighting from one's body using innate electrical impulses, or more. This ability is extremely rare among vampires because it requires great focus, creativity, and mental power beyond that of most vampires. Easily the most famous practitioner in the world, Thao "Oath" Tran is also the inventor of the famous Balefire, or Agony-Flame, the most powerful evocation known.
This just feels more like a superhero power than something vampires should have.


5. Enchantment/Hypnosis. This ability is simply the vampire's ability to influence the mortals around him. It is a simple ability, often subconscious, using pheromones the vampire's body creates.

6. Sixth Sense. Vampires, as immortals, are highly in tune with the etheric plane, or the supernatural/paranormal plane, as mortals would call it. They can sense what others do not, and have extremely heightened senses because of it. Vampires that were formerly blind as humans suddenly will see a hundred times as well as a human when they are turned.

7. Enhanced processing skills. Vampires can process hundreds of times more information than ordinary humans. This is shown simply by their enhanced senses.
Pretty standard.


8. Psychic abilities. Some vampires are clairaudient, clairsentient, clairvoyant, clairgustant, clairalient, or claircognizant. These abilities vary widely between individual vampires.
Why? Is it a function of enhanced processing? Supernatural powers from Mortifer? Their mind imposing its will on reality through the etheric plane? As long as you don't use that "10% of the brain" nonsense, most any justification that fits thematically should work.



1. Primals. Vampires who have been turned within a year. Weak vampires with only basic versions of the above powers.

2. Adepts. Vampires who have been turned within ten years. Fairly strong vampires, and often solitary.

3. Savants. Vampires who have been turned within fifty years. They often work in Covens of three-six. Very strong vampires.

4. Hunters. Vampires who have been turned within one century. Extremely strong vampires, they are fully matured. They often lead entire Covens of younger vampires.

5. Elders. Vampires older than one century, their powers are generally undocumented. Such vampires are known as famous historical figures, and are extremely influential. (Examples: Alexander the Great, Vlad the Impaler, Attila the Hun, Adolf Hitler) ((All of the listed vampires are deceased.))
Seems good, although the historical figures don't really seem like potential vampire-fodder.



1. The "Mr." vampires. These vampires are Mortifer Nox Noctis. They all have widely divergent personalities and appearances. The most commonly known "Mr."'s are Mr. Suck, Mr. Cruel, Mr. Gloom and Mr. Smile. They are extremely powerful, possessing all the powers of Elder vampires, as well as some unique abilities. "Mr." vampires cannot be killed by anything less than Balefire, which is often fatal to the user. They are, in their true forms, hundreds of billions of tiny worms that can divide and exist entirely on their own. As such, "Mr." vampires can dissolve into such worms and reform, as well as exist quite easily in hundreds of places at once, all at the same time. The "Mr." vampires feed only on humans, and drain not only their blood but their immortal soul. This can, in a few cases (to be detailed lower) lead to the creation of a Twisted.
Vampire agents! I like the idea.



2. The Twisted. Twisted are humans with every single bit of goodness drained out of them. They are created by a loved one (usually an ordinary vampire) having been present at their death by a "Mr." The Mr. vampire can then take that that loved one's sorrow and bless it with a tiny bit of Noctis's essence. The body is then seeded with the essence. It dissolves into black, desiccated thorns, and reforms as a Twisted six days later. A Twisted is a vampire who has all the powers of a "Mr." but greatly increased, almost to a limitless amount. However, Twisted are often extremely unwise and arrogant, and can be killed by the loved one staking them through the heart with a blade set alight with Balefire.
Huh. Are the Twisted the same as normal virus vampires, or different altogether? It seems like you've got a pretty messy set of categories.



1. Vampire Hunters. Vampire hunters are created by ordinary humans being implanted with the heart of a literal devil. This gives them the ability to take on the strength, speed and cunning of that devil once or more per day, and in some cases stronger abilities. They also violate the law of conservation of energy by simply being alive. Any movement within the body of the vampire hunter, or of the body of the vampire hunter, creates kinetic energy. The created kinetic energy is stored and can be released in blasts channeled from the eyes, mouth, or hands. This energy takes on visible form, usually red blasts. It is unknown how this happens, but it is likely it has a supernatural explanation.
...so instead of just normal humans using their wits and resources to fight vampires, we get Satanic Cyclops? I think this idea is a bit weak.

[comicshorse]

Posted by Zeratul

Actually the classic Dracula style vampire has all of those minus the phsychic powers and with only limited shifting. Traditionaly vampires are able to turn into "creatures of the night" (bats, wolves, etc.). Elemental control is sort of a stretch, but vampires are often seen causing storms or fog to occur.

Nope. Dracula doesn't have regeneration ( or at least never uses it in the book to the best of my memory). He also doesn't have Shadow Manipulation.
Also there is a HUGE difference between being able to Shift into two forms and
Vampires can shape-shift into anything. They are limited only by their imagination. The shifted forms may not even need to be biological in nature,. Thats pretty much a 'I win' power. Cornered by a foe, I'll turn into a virus and infect him. Trapped in a room, I'll turn into air and seep out. Facing a creature that can only be hurt by the rarest mineral there is, no problem my hand is now made of it.There is literally nothing you can't do with this power

Similarly Weather Control is a match compared to the napalm strike that controlling all elements is. Remember humans are mostly water, think what you can do with just that bit of it alone

[zeratul]

Posted by Zeratul


Nope. Dracula doesn't have regeneration ( or at least never uses it in the book to the best of my memory). He also doesn't have Shadow Manipulation.
Also there is a HUGE difference between being able to Shift into two forms and . Thats pretty much a 'I win' power. Cornered by a foe, I'll turn into a virus and infect him. Trapped in a room, I'll turn into air and seep out. Facing a creature that can only be hurt by the rarest mineral there is, no problem my hand is now made of it.There is literally nothing you can't do with this power

Similarly Weather Control is a match compared to the napalm strike that controlling all elements is. Remember humans are mostly water, think what you can do with just that bit of it alone

Dracula does display regeneration, remember when Harker hits him with the shovel? And yes I'm aware that the posted powers are way overpowered versions of traditional powers but I was saying that some of them make more sense than others. I agree that the vampires seem far to powerfull

[comicshorse]

Dracula does display regeneration, remember when Harker hits him with the shovel?

Embarrassingly enough I don't but I'll take your word for it.

But yes I agree the powers do seem to make vampires too powerful and as you said that does make them less interesting. If they don't occasionally struggle to achieve their goals there is no drama

[zeratul]

Embarrassingly enough I don't but I'll take your word for it.

But yes I agree the powers do seem to make vampires too powerful and as you said that does make them less interesting. If they don't occasionally struggle to achieve their goals there is no drama

Actually I just reread that part and the regeneration is mostly Implied but basically, early on in the story while in his castle Harker hits dracula with a shovel while he is sleeping and a deep gash is left but the shovel glances of dracula. there is no mention of dracula having the gash later on which to me implies that he regenerated but this is purely speculatory.

[shadowxknight]

I suggest having one more category after elder.

I mean a couple of them has to have lived over a century and thus gained unimaginable power, right? It should be extremely rare though, say around 1000 years or so.

[Player_Zero]

I would make them five hundred thousand feet tall with freeway off ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

[GoC]

Overpowered. You could quite easily end up with the vampire equivalent of the wight apocalypse.

[SoD]

I love the fact they're not bothered by sunlight, garlic, or holy symbols. Just like proper vampires.

[Worira]

I would make them five hundred thousand feet tall with freeway off ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

They'd look hilarious, with their (proportionately) tiny arms.

Also, they should bleed gaudy trinkets when struck.

[Miss Nobody]

As everybody else said, the main problem of your vampires is that they are seriously overpowered. Some of their other characteristics could be considered good or bad, depending on personal preferences of the various interpretations of the vampire myth.
To give a more detailed analysis :



1. They have no blood flow. This means no sexual activity whatsoever, no bleeding, etc.

While this makes sense for undead, you get the problem of why are they drinking blood to survive.



2. They can only be killed by having their heart removed and then their head destroyed, then having the body burned. If they are not killed in this way, the vampire will regenerate during the next full moon, more powerful than ever.

Now, these vampires are HARD to kill. I'd prefer a more classic stake through the heart and beheaded method of killing them, but that's really subjective.



3. Weaker vampires, ones that have been vampires for under 1 decade, can be killed by dealing extreme damage to the body, e.g. ripping it in half. After a decade, they are too strong to be killed this way.

4. Vampires must ingest at least a cup of blood at least once a day. Fresh blood gives them pleasure akin to sex, but also sends them into a killing frenzy. This can be avoided by simply bottling blood and drinking it later.

No problems with these ones.



5. Vampires are created during the full moon, by a virus that enters the blood by being in the presence of a vampire at the time of the full moon and having any open wounds or bleeding. (Women vampires are often created this way, because of certain monthly functions.) Vampires do not age once turned, so child vampires stay children, at least physically.

6. The lord of vampires is Mortifer Nox Noctis, an extra-dimensional elder evil type being, who has "tentacles" in this dimension. Those tentacles are the "Mr." vampires and the Twisted. (Beings created by the "Mr." vampires, they are extremely powerful, in fact, the most powerful type of vampire there is.) Vampires of the Noctis Coven feast often on humans, using blood banks and the like, while some newborn vampires (primals) feed directly off humans for the fresh blood rush. Noctis vampires can use silver weapons to increase their strength twofold.

Vampiric viruses and extra-dimensional elder evil vampire lords with vampiric servants that act as extra-dimensional tentacles? This looks like fundamentally changing their the classic origins just so you can say "Our vampires are different".



8. Vampires are not effected in any adverse way by sunlight. However, because they often stand out because their body leaks pheromones that make them extremely attractive to both sexes, they often do not go out during the daytime.

I never really liked the trend of letting vampires go out into sunlight without being affected in any way and this reminds me of that other book where vampires don't go out when it's sunny because that makes them too hot and sparkly.



9. Vampires are not effected by garlic, holy symbols, or other such items. They are effected by brute force and superior strength, cunning and speed. Nothing else.

Makes sense if they are extra-dimensional beings, but you've pretty much eliminated all their weaknesses.



10. Vampires are 100% immortal. They do not age, die of disease or natural causes, or even get sick. They are only able to be killed in the way stated above.

This one's good.



Powers:

1. Regeneration. All vampires constantly use their muscles at their full potential. Newborn vampires have regeneration that allows them to heal the damage done to the muscles instantaneously. The "Mr." vampires and the Twisted have enhanced regeneration, to the point where they can regenerate entire severed limbs almost instantaneously.

Vampiric regeneration is good, but almost instant regeneration of severed limbs is overpowered. You could make them regenerate their wounds after consuming blood.



2. Shape-shifting. Vampires can shape-shift into anything. They are limited only by their imagination. The shifted forms may not even need to be biological in nature, more than one vampire has been known to change his arms into sub-machine guns with never-ending bullets. Shape-shifting is excruciating, however. Nolan "Nocturne" Gresham, the vampire famous for creating razor bone spikes out of his body, often would experience mind-shattering agony while shifting into this form. Therefore, while the imagination is the only real limit, pain is a factor, forcing most vampires to restrain their creativity.

Oh, boy, this is one of their most overpowered abilities. They should at least be limited to changing into living, biological beings.



3. Shadow manipulation. Vampires that have contracted a particularly strong virus from another vampire gains this ability. It is the most potent ability of any vampire: it allows the user to mimic any ability they see, instantly and easily, without any accompanying downsides. The most famous user of shadow manipulation is Mikelle "Amaranthine" Nguyen.

This one's ok.



4. Evocation/Elemental manipulation. Again, an ability limited only by one's imagination. This ability is simply the manipulation of one's surroundings, such as creating fire from nothing, freezing the air into ice, summoning lighting from one's body using innate electrical impulses, or more. This ability is extremely rare among vampires because it requires great focus, creativity, and mental power beyond that of most vampires. Easily the most famous practitioner in the world, Thao "Oath" Tran is also the inventor of the famous Balefire, or Agony-Flame, the most powerful evocation known.

This one, however, is overpowered and needs some limitations.



5. Enchantment/Hypnosis. This ability is simply the vampire's ability to influence the mortals around him. It is a simple ability, often subconscious, using pheromones the vampire's body creates.

6. Sixth Sense. Vampires, as immortals, are highly in tune with the etheric plane, or the supernatural/paranormal plane, as mortals would call it. They can sense what others do not, and have extremely heightened senses because of it. Vampires that were formerly blind as humans suddenly will see a hundred times as well as a human when they are turned.

7. Enhanced processing skills. Vampires can process hundreds of times more information than ordinary humans. This is shown simply by their enhanced senses.

8. Psychic abilities. Some vampires are clairaudient, clairsentient, clairvoyant, clairgustant, clairalient, or claircognizant. These abilities vary widely between individual vampires.

These ones are good.



Age Categories:

1. Primals. Vampires who have been turned within a year. Weak vampires with only basic versions of the above powers.

2. Adepts. Vampires who have been turned within ten years. Fairly strong vampires, and often solitary.

3. Savants. Vampires who have been turned within fifty years. They often work in Covens of three-six. Very strong vampires.

4. Hunters. Vampires who have been turned within one century. Extremely strong vampires, they are fully matured. They often lead entire Covens of younger vampires.

5. Elders. Vampires older than one century, their powers are generally undocumented. Such vampires are known as famous historical figures, and are extremely influential. (Examples: Alexander the Great, Vlad the Impaler, Attila the Hun, Adolf Hitler) ((All of the listed vampires are deceased.))

No problems here.

So, they need some serious de-powering and you might want to reconsider some of the changes to the traditional myth that are made just for the sake of being different. By their current description, you could call them [insert made-up fantasy race name here] and the term would probably fit them better than "vampires".

[littlequietguy]

What if you had one disease that affected vampires?
It would be an original idea. Except it wouldn't because you didn't make it up some random guy on the internet did. Feel free to use it anyway.

[V'icternus]

What if you had one disease that affected vampires?
It would be an original idea. Except it wouldn't because you didn't make it up some random guy on the internet did. Feel free to use it anyway.

I already suggested that. *Grumble, grumble*

[Sequinox]

I know this is a little off topic, but have you read Christopher Moore's vampire books? (The Love Story trilogy?) I'm only a little into the first, but it's good. And funny, because it's Christopher Moore we're talking about.

EDIT: And, oh, why I brought it up? It's a good example of modern vampire novels without... Sparkly-ness. *twitch*

[Mattarias, King.]

I say perhaps make them weak to magic. Fire is a common weakness of va- ... Well, most things, actually. Still, a good explosion should at least slow down regen. It does for trolls.

... And damn, now you've made me want to work on the vampires from my cosmology.. They're 'awakened', jealous reflections of (narcissistic?) mortals who come to life and kill their mortal counterparts, draining them and taking over their lives.

There's more, but, well.. I forget. :smallredface: ..I should work on them more.