PDA

View Full Version : Written my first adventure, need critique



ShadowFighter15
2009-09-04, 07:54 AM
I just knocked together a semi-rough adventure I'm hoping to run for a couple of friends sometime. The players will be new to D&D, and I may give them pre-made characters for this (since it's both to give them a better idea of the game and to help them learn the rules), so keep that in mind.

There are three adventure hooks I used (I took them from the BoEF, but sexual connotations have been removed/or are dealt with in a SFW manner and the hooks were the only things I used from the book), two of which are meant as misdirections to keep the players guessing at just what the hell's going on. This is meant to be a short, one-off adventure and I still need to sort some things out, but the important stuff is all there. If there are any plot-holes I've accidentally left in, please let me know. I've also provided the original hooks verbatim from the BoEF simply for completeness.

Hook 1 (starting off as background info):

Original Hook from the BoEF
The king has died and the queen declares her female lover as her new legal mate, much to the consternation of the populace.

My use of it (this info will be available through asking around town)
The lord of (to-be-named) County has died and his widow (who has received her late husband's position) declares her female lover as her new legal partner as well as allowing same-sex marriages to be legal in the area. The people of the county are fiercely divided on the events; what few same-sex marriages the local Church of Pelor has performed have all been flocked by anti-gay protesters to the degree that they have been called off.

Further complicating things is that no-one in the area ever remembers seeing the Lady's lover before the Lord's death, not even the castle servants.

The Truth behind this hook (when this is revealed will vary depending on how the players proceed through the adventure)
There is nothing sinister about the Lady's lover. The Lord and Lady met her when travelling to the kingdom's capital several months before. Since the future-lover was also headed that way, she accompanied the generous nobles, both for the company and because she is a talented sorceress and could act as additional protection.

On the trip, both the Lord and Lady fell in love with the sorceress, and she likewise fell in love with both of them. The visit to the capital had been a lengthy one and, eventually, the Lord and Lady learned that the other loved the sorceress as well. Over dinner with the sorceress; the nobles explained their feelings and the sorceress revealed her own, the night culminating in the inevitable.

The sorceress agreed to return with the nobles to their castle and was offered room and board in one of the unused towers, which was subsequently (and falsely) declared unsafe and barred from entry. The sorceress had often travelled through the town, but had used spells such as Disguise Self to go unnoticed and appear merely as a traveller.

She would spend many nights with the nobles, using invisibility and teleportation spells to move through the castle unnoticed. It had been her who screamed at finding the Lord dead in the morning, but had quickly turned herself invisible before anyone could enter the room; leading people to assume it had been the Lady who screamed. Both she and the lady are in the dark about the Lord's death, but both have their suspicions.

Hook 2 (will happen as the players go about town, possibly asking about hooks 1 or 3 or simply buying supplies):

Original Hook
A set of royal twins known for their stunning looks and cruelty takes a fancy to one of the adventurers and demands for him to choose one or the other as a lover.

My use of it
The two eldest sons of the late lord; identical twins known for their stunning looks have both been smitten upon seeing Ceres' character (change twins' gender if she plays a guy) and beg her to choose one as a lover. (hopefully talk Ceres' husband into playing as well and using a character with feelings for Ceres' to bump up drama; cheap, but effective)

The catch, however, is that both twins are known for exceptional acts of cruelty that are only spoken of as rumours, lest the twins' lackeys descend on the teller. (will have to come up with something suitably nasty; probably torturing prisoners for fun or abusing their servants, should be able to get some ideas from episodes of Cadfael).

The Truth behind this hook (like the first hook; this will be dispensed depending on how the players progress through the adventure)
The Lady and Sorceress suspect that the twins are responsible for their father's death. They married so that neither of the twins could secure their father's title (which would have happened as soon as one of them was married, with their mother acting as an advisor), even if one of them was able to find a bride. Should their claim to the title be invalidated, their younger sister will be the next in line.

They have frequently been seen leaving town for several days at a time, and the few who have dared follow them have all quickly lost the trail.

Hook 3 (the main hook I'll encourage the players to investigate):

Original Hook
Every sexually mature virgin in a hundred-mile radius goes missing early one morning.

My use of it (possibly kicked off by a remark from an NPC towards a female party member)
A number of young women, aged anywhere between 15 and 20 have been disappearing slowly over the course of the last few weeks, about one every few days or so. They've all disappeared without a trace; no signs of a struggle and no forced entry - not even the bed sheets the girls were surely under have been disturbed. Inquiries by the players will reveal that all of the girls taken were unmarried and (most likely) virgins.

One night at the inn; the players will be woken by a woman's scream. If they act quickly, they will see a cloaked figure (a cross between the Assassin PrC artwork and the assassin in the end cinematic of The Witcher) rush out of one of the rooms and a short fight will ensue between the players and the figure, ending with the figure leaping back and Dimension Door-ing outside the inn (stumbling on something outside to tell the players where he went). Players will be encouraged to pursue the man (should one stay behind, the woman was a changeling who's mutable physiology rendered the chloroform (or whatever in D&D has the same properties) useless on her), who will lead them away from town until disappearing in a flash of light.

Examining where he disappeared will reveal an old teleportation circle that requires a keyphrase to unlock (Spellcraft check, Knowledge: Arcane to know that a keyphrase ir required; if neither character can make either check: sorceress was disguised in-town at the time and heard the commotion; following the players and then helping to identify and activate the tele circle).

The Truth behind this hook (this also includes where most of the actual adventuring is)
Circle leads to underground temple of Nerull. Deeper exploration reveals cages holding the missing women who are all alive and - so far - have not been harmed, though they have been fed very little. The figure from the inn will approach the group (if the sorceress was with them; she will remain outside to safeguard the teleport circle). During the fight, his hood will be knocked away to reveal him as an undead creature (level-appropriate type). Players will continue deeper into temple, harassed by further undead (try not to drain any spellcasting characters too severely).

In the final chamber (the altar room/congregation area/whatever the hell you'd call it) will be a powerful cleric of Nerull (ECL to be decided). He will give the standard 'villain monologue' (with walls of force keeping the players from running or interrupting*); explaining that he plans to kill every living thing in the county (the final chamber of the temple is directly under the castle) with a powerful ritual as tribute to his god. The captured virgins were only taken because their metaphysical purity could have potentially disrupted ritual's effects (as the town the adventure has been in so far was to be the ritual's epicentre). The captured women will be sacrificed to fuel the ritual, but simply because they might as well be put to use, rather than the ritual needing virgin sacrifices (all of them will be killed after the ritual is complete to be thorough; the temple also acts as a shield against the ritual's effects).

Cleric will fight players (possibly backed up by undead, depending on party condition). Upon winning, players will go back to free the captives and the Sorceress will appear to help get everyone out via the teleport circle.

Twins will not be involved with Nerull cleric; they will appear (disguised) on horseback with a group of bandits outside the circle, planning to capture the recently-freed women and sell them as slaves. Killing two adventurers and a sorceress will simply add to their spoils. Cue one of the twins breaking his disguise by remarking about Ceres' character being present. This will cause an argument between the two; one wanting to kill Ceres for her involvement and the other wanting to save her. The brother arguing for Ceres' survival will be killed by his brother, the sorceress will throw up walls of force to protect the players and women (since the players will hopefully be severely drained after the fight with the cleric), and then to cut off the bandits' escape when the town guard arrive (having been summoned by the sorceress beforehand).

The remaining brother will be hanged for fratricide and his mother will reward the players (she will also be sad, but unsurprised, at her sons' fates), filling in any of the above plot that has not been divulged so far (most likely the sorceress' relation with the Lady and her husband as well as who the new heir is).

I've purposefully left the Lord's death ambiguous in-case the players decide to re-visit the characters they used or if I decide to run a follow-on adventure.

So, thoughts? Comments?

MrEdwardNigma
2009-09-04, 09:01 AM
All in all the first two hooks seem relatively uninteresting for the players, though interesting in themselves. They simply don't really leave a lot of room for related adventuring, just for the DM telling the tale.

The third hook seems completely unrelated to the two first ones and the cleric needing the women because they are pure seems sort of bizarre, considering there are probably more pure women in the city. In addition to this the bit with the brothers just seems cobbled on to the story and the players again don't get to take real action here, but have to watch the "cutscene".

You seem to be more inclined to spin a story than to make a game, and I would thus advise you to focus more on your players, and less on the surrounding world. Think of stuff you can use as challenges for them, not just interesting background fluff. You seem creative enough to be able to do so. :smallsmile:

ThatVoice
2009-09-04, 10:08 AM
How does the king's murder and the secret lover connect to the actual plot in any way? I appreciate the value of setting up plot hooks in advance for a regular campaign, but in a one-shot it'll just end up distracting. Nothing wrong with a little political intrigue... except when the 'adventure' bit is from following a different rumour.

Why would the Lady make the lover's existance public? If the region really is that "anti-gay", surely she has enough political nounce to keep the whole thing a secret?

Is it really wise to have the brothers flirting heavily with the female player's PC? Normally I wouldn't ask, but you implied that the new players are a married couple. Is it sensible to try and encourage a situation where both you and the husband are trying to woo her IC?

How did the brothers know where the girls were being held in time to round up a posse and ambush the players?

Why are the virgin girls 'pure' enough to disrupt evil rituals but not 'pure' enough for sacrificing them to be particularly evil (moreso than regular sacrificing, anyway)? Just bugs me.

Why use virgin girls in particular, anyway? This is D&D, there are clerics and paladins walking around who literally shoot purity out of their hands at people. Seems like any 'pure' mojo virgin girls have would be insignificant next to that sort of thing.

Finally... I guess my main criticism is that it just feels kinda creepy. You're introducing a married couple to D&D with this kind of sexually charged adventure? Don't get me wrong, any of these hooks on their own could be fine. Put them together and... yeesh. Feels a little strong.

Still. If you feel you can pull it off, then best of luck.

ShadowFighter15
2009-09-04, 05:43 PM
How does the king's murder and the secret lover connect to the actual plot in any way? I appreciate the value of setting up plot hooks in advance for a regular campaign, but in a one-shot it'll just end up distracting. Nothing wrong with a little political intrigue... except when the 'adventure' bit is from following a different rumour.
The idea was to keep the players guessing about what was going on; with hints that it's either the brothers who are kidnapping people or that the sorceress was involved in something (most of the populace'll be thinking she's a shady character so her appearance at the end is supposed to make the players worried that they're getting into something big).


Why would the Lady make the lover's existance public? If the region really is that "anti-gay", surely she has enough political nounce to keep the whole thing a secret?
Because she needed the marriage to be legal so that neither of the brothers could claim the lordship the moment one of them got a bride. If it wasn't made legal and announced, then her claim at holding the title would've been as solid as wet tissue paper.


Is it really wise to have the brothers flirting heavily with the female player's PC? Normally I wouldn't ask, but you implied that the new players are a married couple. Is it sensible to try and encourage a situation where both you and the husband are trying to woo her IC?
I'm going to try and play those scenes for laughs (both of them are anime fans so as far as flirting goes, the brothers are going to come off as attractive, but utterly hopeless)


How did the brothers know where the girls were being held in time to round up a posse and ambush the players?
Timing; they didn't know the circle was there, they were just passing through the area to cut off an approaching merchant and came across the party and prisoners.


Why are the virgin girls 'pure' enough to disrupt evil rituals but not 'pure' enough for sacrificing them to be particularly evil (moreso than regular sacrificing, anyway)? Just bugs me.

Why use virgin girls in particular, anyway? This is D&D, there are clerics and paladins walking around who literally shoot purity out of their hands at people. Seems like any 'pure' mojo virgin girls have would be insignificant next to that sort of thing.
I may change this to being a quirk of the cleric's; he needed people to fuel the ritual and his choice of captives was just personal preference. He'll probably literally answer "Why virgins?" with a shrug. Might also have him grabbing guys too, it was starting to nag at me a bit after I posted it here.


Finally... I guess my main criticism is that it just feels kinda creepy. You're introducing a married couple to D&D with this kind of sexually charged adventure? Don't get me wrong, any of these hooks on their own could be fine. Put them together and... yeesh. Feels a little strong.

Still. If you feel you can pull it off, then best of luck.

I may end up relegating this to a second or third one-off adventure to get them trying low-mid level characters. It started to nag at me after posting it (a few things in this did, actually); but I guess that's what I get for making an adventure idea at 10 o'clock at night.

Myou
2009-09-04, 05:52 PM
I'd advise against using homophobia as a plot hook. I don't know about your players, but I wouldn't enjoy visiting a place where half of the populous thought my sexual orientation was immoral.

I get enough of that s*** in real life. :smallannoyed:


Why not just play it without the hompohobia? Sudden new female lover and vanishing king leads to suspicion - the queen was supposed to be straight and the lover has never been seen before. There's no need to make gay/lesbian players uncomfortable/upset/angry, and it looks like a good setup without it.

ShadowFighter15
2009-09-04, 06:19 PM
Good point. Although I just think that it'd feel off if the populace was fully accepting of it. I may change their reaction a bit though; like having the church refuse to do the marriages but most of the populace not caring one way or another.

Myou
2009-09-04, 06:26 PM
Good point. Although I just think that it'd feel off if the populace was fully accepting of it. I may change their reaction a bit though; like having the church refuse to do the marriages but most of the populace not caring one way or another.

In my setting sexuality is old news - it's been a hundred thousand years since descrimination like that died out.

This is heroic fantasy, so why include one of the nastiest trapping of the modern world in it? I don't think you include racial predjudice, so why include sexual?

As a gay guy I live with predjudice in reality, so why remind me of that when I play your game?

ThatVoice
2009-09-04, 06:32 PM
I may end up relegating this to a second or third one-off adventure to get them trying low-mid level characters. It started to nag at me after posting it (a few things in this did, actually); but I guess that's what I get for making an adventure idea at 10 o'clock at night.

Might be a good idea. In hindsight, I feel I might have been coming across as a little more hostile than I intended. In many ways, it's refreshing to see an adventure idea that isn't a rehash of existing hooks. You've clearly got quite imaginative ideas.

Knaight
2009-09-04, 06:49 PM
In my setting sexuality is old news - it's been a hundred thousand years since descrimination like that died out.

This is heroic fantasy, so why include one of the nastiest trapping of the modern world in it? I don't think you include racial predjudice, so why include sexual?

As a gay guy I live with predjudice in reality, so why remind me of that when I play your game?

Why not involve nasty trappings? Why not make things worse. Have religious and political groups at each others throats so much it makes politics here look like there is no mudslinging. Have highly bigoted, prejudiced people. Have intelligence be widely seen as terrible and thinking as aberrant. Then make sure that these people are fully capable of obliterating each other, and kept from doing so only by self preservation and the occasional moderate.

Obviously this has to be handled maturely, and it won't be heroic fantasy. Still its doable. Probably not with new players, but its doable.

Myou
2009-09-04, 06:53 PM
Why not involve nasty trappings? Why not make things worse. Have religious and political groups at each others throats so much it makes politics here look like there is no mudslinging. Have highly bigoted, prejudiced people. Have intelligence be widely seen as terrible and thinking as aberrant. Then make sure that these people are fully capable of obliterating each other, and kept from doing so only by self preservation and the occasional moderate.

Obviously this has to be handled maturely, and it won't be heroic fantasy. Still its doable. Probably not with new players, but its doable.

Of course you can do that, but I certainly wouldn't play such a game, and since D&D is focused heavily on heroic fantasy, it doesn't much match what most players expect.

ShadowFighter15
2009-09-04, 07:03 PM
Might be a good idea. In hindsight, I feel I might have been coming across as a little more hostile than I intended. In many ways, it's refreshing to see an adventure idea that isn't a rehash of existing hooks. You've clearly got quite imaginative ideas.

Actually I was hoping for a post like yours so that I could find any potential holes and so that I could clarify the notes (as I said; I typed those up at about 10pm).


In my setting sexuality is old news - it's been a hundred thousand years since descrimination like that died out.

This is heroic fantasy, so why include one of the nastiest trapping of the modern world in it? I don't think you include racial predjudice, so why include sexual?

As a gay guy I live with predjudice in reality, so why remind me of that when I play your game?

Well I figure that it might make the place seem too apathetic if they all accepted the change without any problems; I know it's a little cliché to have the church be the one opposing it, but I can't really think of anything else (besides very vocal sections of the populace, of course).

Myou
2009-09-04, 07:11 PM
Well I figure that it might make the place seem too apathetic if they all accepted the change without any problems; I know it's a little cliché to have the church be the one opposing it, but I can't really think of anything else (besides very vocal sections of the populace, of course).

I'm suggesting that you keep the controvery, but centre it on the nature of the new partner rather than the gender.

If you really want to involve predjudice then try making it class-based - people aren't as sensitive about that these days, but back then it was a huge issue, so make the new lover low-born. Or heck, even just make her from a rival nation that was an enemy until recently

Godskook
2009-09-04, 07:35 PM
I'm with Myou(for different reasons though). Any Queen with enough power to (A)legalize same-sex marriages and (B)make either one of the pairing a legitimate claim to the throne - *ALSO* has the power to simply declare that she retains the title till death. I mean, why go the hard way around, just to add a controversial issue to the story that simply doesn't contribute.

Besides, lesbianism adds a crap load of weird questions to regal titles and succession. Ones that just weren't ever answered by the historical precedents used to generate the genre you're in. Standard procedure is to base the kingship on a system of patriarchy, which falls apart when you have 2 women and no men in the relationship. You would have a far easier chance of making a believable story if you simply kept your royal family straight.

(A lot of the above applies for guys, too, but your case is two females)

ShadowFighter15
2009-09-05, 12:18 AM
I'm suggesting that you keep the controvery, but centre it on the nature of the new partner rather than the gender.

If you really want to involve predjudice then try making it class-based - people aren't as sensitive about that these days, but back then it was a huge issue, so make the new lover low-born. Or heck, even just make her from a rival nation that was an enemy until recently

Now that's a thought. Don't know what specifically to make it, but I'll keep it in mind. It'll probably be a while before my friends have the books anyway.


I'm with Myou(for different reasons though). Any Queen with enough power to (A)legalize same-sex marriages and (B)make either one of the pairing a legitimate claim to the throne - *ALSO* has the power to simply declare that she retains the title till death. I mean, why go the hard way around, just to add a controversial issue to the story that simply doesn't contribute.

Besides, lesbianism adds a crap load of weird questions to regal titles and succession. Ones that just weren't ever answered by the historical precedents used to generate the genre you're in. Standard procedure is to base the kingship on a system of patriarchy, which falls apart when you have 2 women and no men in the relationship. You would have a far easier chance of making a believable story if you simply kept your royal family straight.

(A lot of the above applies for guys, too, but your case is two females)

I get your point, but I guess a few things need to be clarified:
A) She's not a queen, just a Lord's wife; the dead Lord had the same amount of power as one of the Lord's from Oblivion - only in-charge of a single county (no, I wasn't mis-spelling 'country' in the notes)
B) She wanted to keep the law changes to a minimum and, in regards to succession, may have her situation be temporary; still ironing that bit out.

Tiktakkat
2009-09-05, 10:05 AM
I generaly agree with Myou, though I come at it from a somewhat different angle - I see the whole thing as a needless non-issue, and thus the stress on it to be asking to wander into the realm of the uncomfortable.

To begin with, why doesn't the widow have any rights? Depending on the circumstances, there are more than a few examples that can be cited where a widow inherited, claimed, or outright seized power upon the death, mysterious or otherwise, of her husband. It is not that massive a stretch to have to justify without it being egregiously anachronistic, or even prohibitively unusual.

From there, why does a same-sex relationship have to be that suspicious? When in doubt, remember the Sacred Band of Thebes, and shrug it off.

Taken together, it looks like a needless appeal to sexual themes when you have a simple, straightforward plot, that should be able to hold together on its own - the ruler died, the widow fears who did it, the less-than-upstanding eldest twins may be (are) the culprits, the PCs wind up caught in the middle of the struggles, end of plot overview. Anything beyond that should be nothing but flavor text, draped on the plot to spiff it up, and not to provoke with hot button issues.

The Neoclassic
2009-09-05, 10:31 AM
This is heroic fantasy, so why include one of the nastiest trapping of the modern world in it? I don't think you include racial predjudice, so why include sexual?

I think this more shows how important it is to be aware of the comfort levels of one's players more than a sweeping generalization of how all games should be run. I like a realistic/gritty setting with some discrimination based on race, sexual orientation, and gender. People are slaughtered, elves are raped, babies get killed in fires started by evil dragons. It happens in the real world (well, not with dragons & elves specifically!), and without some compelling reason not to, it's reasonable to expect it to happen in a game world. However, when starting a game with new players, it's usually best to keep all those things to a minimum (essentially having a sort of "sugar-coated" world, I suppose) so as to not make anyone overly uncomfortable. If there are players who you know well, have played with before, and spoken to about what they are and are not OK with, you may be able to put some of these elements in, if it's the (albeit negative/depressing/gritty) tone or background you're looking for.

In this particular case, it sounds like ShadowFighter is indeed best off going with a general suspicion of a new individual rather than introducing bias based on sexual orientation.

TheThan
2009-09-05, 12:49 PM
I Like the idea however, I think if you combine the three plots into one, you have a much more solid plot for a one shot adventure.

I would start it with the two princes. Have them fight over someone else, like say a commoner or a lower ranked Nobel. You can pull a scaled down Romeo and Juliet moment with this, you know fighting in the streets, long speeches, etc. The PCs should walk into town in the middle of a battle between the two brothers. The poor girl is standing by, the odd thing is that maybe she doesn’t love either of them, or maybe she loves both and can’t decide. Either way it should be clear exactly what and who their fighting over. Also make sure one of the brothers says something suspicious that suggests that he plans on kidnapping her.

Then that night, have the girl kidnapped, by the queens lover (who secretly is a succubus). She has secretly built a summoning circle underneath the castle and is planning on summoning more demons. However in order to do that she needs the blood of an innocent (also make it on a full moon or other specific night so the pcs have time to figure out what’s going on).

When its discovered that the girl has been kidnapped, have on of the princes show up and demand that the pcs help him rescue his beloved from the clutches of his vile twin. Have the twin say that most people in the town are divided between who should marry her. He wants a neutral party to help him out here, fearing that an overzealous follower might get someone needlessly hurt. The pcs should jump at the chance to go on a quest, and to have a prince indebted to them. Once they track down the brother they learn (probably after a non-fatal duel between the two) that neither brother has the fair maiden.

Which should lead the pcs and the two-npc princes on a quest to find the girl. The pcs should ask around town, visit the girl’s home etc and pick up clues as to what happened to her. Lead them underground somehow. Through the sewers or something, eventually the PCs come upon the succubus and her minions, which are performing a ritual that will summon more demons. The pcs interfere, disrupt the ritual and the rescue the girl. Also be sure to have the succubus escape to the safety of the castle.

Now the princes, the pcs and the girl all know that the queens’ lover is a succubus (or at least very evil). From here you can set up another set of quests designed to overthrow the succubus and the queen (who may be under the effect of the succubus’s charm monster or energy drain abilities).

Raum
2009-09-05, 01:37 PM
So, thoughts? Comments?You appear to have created and told the entire story. The only thing left to the players is how many times their character swings a sword or casts a spell. Is this your intent? Is it what the players have signed up for?

Assuming the answer to both questions is 'yes', I'd still recommend changing the forced monologue and the deus ex machina ending.
- Spies, acquired notes, books, and interrogated accomplices are a few other methods to pass information to the players. Using other methods helps avoid the silliness of a bad guy holding them helpless long enough to chatter instead of getting on with the business of killing them...and the contradiction of being capable of holding them helpless but losing the battle.
- As for the ending, why set it up so you have to rescue them by the sorceress and town guard?

One other general recommendation. Avoid scenes which are built around NPCs talking or interacting solely with other NPCs. Such scenes turn players into audiences. Even in situation where the PCs are spying on NPCs you can keep it interactive with choices involving stealth vs better vantage points...or a variety of other possibilities.


The idea was to keep the players guessing about what was going on; A comment here - I tend to worry far more about how to get information and clues to the players than I do about how to hide them. The players see the world through your verbal descriptions. Most also tend to concentrate on anything you emphasize. (I've ended up turning items I'd mentioned in detail off hand into plot devices just because the players grew so fixated with it. :smallwink: ) Point is, it's easy to obscure information, even accidentally. So you seldom need to work at keeping players guessing.

ShadowFighter15
2009-09-05, 05:33 PM
I'm starting to think it would be best to put this idea on the backburner for a while and run the new players through a few published adventures first to get a feel for what they want out of it and then come back to this idea and re-work it if possible.

I'll save the thread so that I have all of your advise to work with (and because it'd all be horribly mangled if I just copy-pasted it straight into notepad) and come back to it in the future when I know what the player's like more.

Anyone got recommendations for a good published adventure or two that'd be good for new players (and a newbie DM :smalltongue:)? I've been looking through the Forgotten Forge and its follow-on adventures and I'm tempted to run that (although then there's the problem of also introducing the players to Eberron).

EDIT: Knew there was something I forgot to put into the first post; any game I have with these new players'll have to be Play-By-Post since they're both in America and I'm in Australia.

Myou
2009-09-05, 06:17 PM
I can vouch for Scourge of the Howling Hoarde and Wreck Ashore, both are good adventures to run for new players and new DMs alike. (I speak a a new DM who cut his teeth on those two.)

But remember, the modules as written are a framework for you to hang your own ideas on, so take all the liberties you wish with their content.

Good luck! :smallsmile:

Raum
2009-09-05, 10:20 PM
I'm starting to think it would be best to put this idea on the backburner for a while and run the new players through a few published adventures first to get a feel for what they want out of it and then come back to this idea and re-work it if possible.Don't give up! Every good GM started somewhere...and all made mistakes. You might want to start simpler though...pick a plot off the TV Tropes page and set it for beginning at first level. Work the kinks out without too many variables.

Whatever you start with, analyze yourself post play and ask questions of the players. Then adjust your style to improve. Always remember to have fun!

LurkerInPlayground
2009-09-05, 10:26 PM
Because she needed the marriage to be legal so that neither of the brothers could claim the lordship the moment one of them got a bride. If it wasn't made legal and announced, then her claim at holding the title would've been as solid as wet tissue paper.
Then her brothers would simply claim that the marriage is illegal. At any rate, if the nation is as homophobic as you portray, then the brothers are going to get a lot of power and legitimacy on their side. She'd be pushed aside in favor of the brothers, who clearly haven't gone stark raving mad.

And in a system of monarchs and nobles, she won't have legal recourse to the non-existent civil rights laws. The opinions of her peers are the law.

Basically, the marriage and title claim is as solid as wet tissue paper to start with.

ShadowFighter15
2009-09-06, 12:35 AM
Don't give up! Every good GM started somewhere...and all made mistakes. You might want to start simpler though...pick a plot off the TV Tropes page and set it for beginning at first level. Work the kinks out without too many variables.

Whatever you start with, analyze yourself post play and ask questions of the players. Then adjust your style to improve. Always remember to have fun!

I won't be giving up on the idea; I'll just be shelving it for a while to use in the future once I know what the players like and I've re-written it accordingly.


*stuff about claim to title*
That was the main part I didn't like, but had no idea how to actually explain it. I do have a couple of ideas now though (namely the removal of the announcement and law change, but keep the sorceress as a suspect via rumours among the servants), but like I said; I'll save the re-write for when I know what the players'll like.