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TelemontTanthul
2009-09-24, 12:50 PM
I'm sure we can all agree that each party has some sort of fop, or character that just utterly fails to be halfway decent in anything (by luck of dice or otherwise.) So I created this thread in tribute to all those players who make the game interesting, even if it means some PCs die in the process.

So, my Most Incompetent Teammate would have to be the party cleric. (Usually a very bad sign). His name was Evan, and he was a standard cleric out of the Player's Handbook back when I first started playing DnD (3.5th edition for those who care). Evan was an interesting fellow, always seeing things in a slightly different light, whether it was freeing bears from cages in the hopes that the bear would be grateful, or charging across a broken wooden bridge and trying to make a thirty foot leap... in full plate.


So, who was your Most Incompetent Teammate or M.I.T., and why do they deserve such an honorary title?

Piedmon_Sama
2009-09-24, 01:10 PM
I have a Psychic Warrior character currently 4th level, began the game at 2nd, named Aisha. I chose her powers and feats completely for damage, without doing anything to fix her mediocre BaB. Turns out this was a big mistake: in her first battle, Aisha completely failed to inflict one hit on a 2nd-level commoner, subsequently missed a horse on a charge and then was defeated by the AC of a prone man. It got so ridiculous our DM practically gave her a +2 Greatsword of Speed just to make up for the character's bad luck.

Yukitsu
2009-09-24, 01:13 PM
One player in our group has cycled through I think 4 characters now.

First, let a wizard get into melee and was gutted. Then, tried to back stab a party of optimizers with his cleric without waiting for us to go to sleep, then jumped out of an air ship for no discernable reason, and was killed fairly legitimately in a fight with druids. Hasn't really contributed anything to RP either, but that is likely due to cycling characters.

Stycotl
2009-09-24, 01:15 PM
in the thread title, you ask for incompetent players; in the thread, you seem to ask for incompetent characters. there is a difference, though an incompetent player ends up with an incompetent character by default.

Eldariel
2009-09-24, 01:16 PM
Well, we had this shortlived game on level 1 where the party was...Human Paladin (me), Human Monk and...Elf Rogue or something? Anyways, the game started on level 1 and it went wonderfully.

Only problem was that the Monk was of the Spring Attack variety and as such did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EVER. I was always taking hits and he was contributing singular misses, or attacks that can't even knock out a friggin' Goblin. Seriously, people claim they've never seen an ineffective Monk in action. I can say that I have, first person.


Seriously, I was hammering my head to a wall half the time 'cause he wasn't even helping my load as the frontliner; all the opponents were always hitting me and he was Spring Attacking a miss every now and then while I took the brunt of the attack and dished out some punishment. Bleh, not much of a story, but it's true anyways.

I could tell stories of our first 3.5 game too, which involved a Healbot Cleric (who didn't actually Heal...or do much else for that matter), a Blaster Wizard (who was busily casting Fireballs level 15), a Dwarven Defender (enough said), an Arcane Archer (again...this was my character, btw) and a charade of other randomly present characters such as a Halfling Rogue, a Human Sorcerer/Eldritch Knight, a Half-Elf Bard and an Elf Ranger.

tyckspoon
2009-09-24, 01:19 PM
Well, we had this shortlived game on level 1 where the party was...Human Paladin (me), Human Monk and...Elf Rogue or something? Anyways, the game started on level 1 and it went wonderfully.

Only problem was that the Monk was of the Spring Attack variety and as such did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EVER. I was always taking hits and he was contributing singular misses, or attacks that can't even knock out a friggin' Goblin. Seriously, people claim they've never seen an ineffective Monk in action. I can say that I have, first person.


But.. you can't even *get* Spring Attack at level 1.. it requires BAB +4. :smallconfused: So he was.. what, cheating ineffectually too? Or just attempting to perform Spring Attack-style maneuvers without actually using Spring Attack? Which would be wonderfully *headdesk* worthy.

Eldariel
2009-09-24, 01:22 PM
But.. you can't even *get* Spring Attack at level 1.. it requires BAB +4. :smallconfused: So he was.. what, cheating ineffectually too? Or just attempting to perform Spring Attack-style maneuvers without actually using Spring Attack? Which would be wonderfully *headdesk* worthy.

The latter. See, he was planning on picking Spring Attack as soon as he qualified and until then tried to mimic the feat to best of his ability.

Myrmex
2009-09-24, 01:22 PM
I've played wit a couple of the sprig-attack variety of monks. They suck resources and contribute virtually nothing to combat.

Meek
2009-09-24, 01:26 PM
I have a player in my current 4e PBP campaign who took a Warlock and has shot an order of magnitude more vanilla eldritch blasts than he has his other at-will or encounter powers, even in situations where something, ANYTHING more than 1d10 + Stat mod damage is really, clearly, obviously warranted. He's gotten better though, though he's still annoying in several other ways.

Choco
2009-09-24, 01:34 PM
We got a chaotic stupid arcane archer in our current group. This character hits less than half the time, does crap damage, is made completely useless when anyone is in melee with her, has a habit of filling our fighter with arrows (doesn't seem to realize she is more useful NOT helping the fighter in his melee...) and on top of all that, being chaotic stupid, has the habit of running off solo and needing rescuing (I would let her die, but my character wouldnt...).


Luck-based, I think I am the most incompetent no matter what I play as, for example:

+15 to relevent saves? Yeah, ima roll a 1 against the DC17 save or die and fear effect EVERY SINGLE TIME. (note that we have a houserule that saves are handled like skill checks, with no auto-fails and successes)

Cast True Strike on myself just to MAKE DAMN SURE I land my uber-ray at the right moment? Yeah, time to roll a 1 on that too, then fail my reflex roll to avoid hitting myself. Nothing beats disintigrating yourself :smalltongue:

Have a charger character with insane bonuses to initiative to make sure I act first? Nope, enemy casters get better rolls than me and imobalize me before I can act (see my luck with saves above...).

Hit 12 enemies with my fireball? Roll less than 1/4 max damage for every single target, except for the main target, who took almost max damage until the DM pointed out he was immune to fire.

Trip attempt against a caster? I fail both my opposed checks and my Conan-esque barbarian gets taken down by a strength 6 venerable wizard. (I have vowed to never make trip attempts again, no matter how logical it may be to do so, because I have NEVER ONCE succeeded in one, no matter my odds).

Roll a 1 on my attack roll while raging/charging/power attacking/leap attacking with a fullblade? This is swiftly followed by me rolling a 1 on my reflex save to avoid hitting myself. Of course it is also followed by me rolling max damage.

Oddly enough, though I have been through a few characters, none of them have actually died. Luckily we got a rogue with a ring of invisibility that keeps rolling max damage on sneak attack... Normally these stories are nothing special and happen to everyone, but I am notorious for this stuff happening like 90% of the time... I think my current group only keeps me around because they roll better when I'm around, apparently I steal all the "luck" :smallannoyed:

Sliver
2009-09-24, 01:35 PM
I had a player that liked to talk about his love of tactics and smart play.. In a gestalt level 10 and extra high powered options with 90k starting gold, he has taken a Druid10//barbarian5/warshaper5, did not buy anything and his tactic was "charge. nothing else". He complained that I started them with a rough fight, after me saying that they will face more fights then normal (when normal was once a day), that I will try to challenge them and they should fight smartly and him saying it was expected, and they dropped every enemy with about 2 shots. Why? because there were spiked chain trippers with warlocks behind them, that still didn't manage to do a lot against them. Also he complained that I don't think before I build a character because I made one for the new player that was a frenzied berzerker and did more damage then him, without any buffs on him or his AC.. I wish he would have said "It's not fair that the barbarian that can only charge can do more damage then me, a druid that has nothing I can do beside turn into a beast and charge. whats the point behind that Natural Spell feat I took anyway?"

As I wasn't planning on DMing a "You are awesome, no one can put up a fight against your cunning charges" kind of game, I won't be DMing any more to them..

/rant

jiriku
2009-09-24, 01:37 PM
Please let me use this space as a tribute to Rob, player among players, who in our last campaign teleported himself 1500 feet in the air...without a means of flight. Rob, while we fought for our lives against hordes of the undead...you were trying to do something cool with your lesser bag of tricks. We traveled through strange portals to other dimensions with you...and even burned a 5th level spell slot to fabricate arrows for you because you only brought a quiver of 20. Rob, you and you alone could devise a tactic that involved sheathing your 2d6 greatsword so you could attack with a 1d6+1 torch...against an enemy who was resistant to fire. We're proud of you Rob...just please never again try to steal from the elf king right before he gives us our quest reward.

Sinfire Titan
2009-09-24, 01:37 PM
Midge, just... Midge.

For those who know me, they've seen me rant about him. His idiocy has very few boundaries.

Character 1: Dragonfire Adept. Not only does he take nothing but Dragon Heratige feats that require spellcasting, he takes the ones that can be replicated by his Invocations. He also failed to use any breath weapon effects or metabreath feats, and had Con as his third lowest stat (a 12) opting to focus on his Charisma and Dexterity. He also multiclassed into DD, after meeting the requirements halfway through his character's advancement. Died after making a very inappropriate comment regarding the recently deceased Swordsage (like, literally, died 10 minutes ago). He had been on a short leash prior to that, after having said Swordsage surgically cut open his stomach, attach a spiked chain to his intestines, and then healed him back up so half of the chain was sticking out. He was killed using that very chain.

Character 2: A Force-focused Sorcerer. A decent idea, but no PrCs, no Metamagic, and insisting on using low level spell slots during near-Epic play. The one spell he cast that didn't have the Force descriptor? Elemental Monolith. Ultimately sacrificed to a 3-headed Half-Fiend Corrupted Great Wyrm Red Dragon around 24 level by the party Blackguard as a means to enter negotiations.

Character 3: A Wilder. Promptly offended the Epic-level Dread Necromancer/Vampire within 10 minutes of introducing the character. Died and was turned into a minion 30 seconds (5 rounds) after that. Never even had a chance to manifest his powers. Fastest death we've ever had.

Character 4: New campaign, he asked to play a Swashbuckler. I pointed him to the Daring Outlaw feat, and asked him to play a Rogue/Swashbuckler. This is the one death where it was completely his fault: He challenged me (the DM) to find an encounter of equal level that his character couldn't beat. I did, via a Will o' Wisp. Took 20 minutes worth of combat before he finally tried to run, and then died from an AoO. Bonus points: He had a Wand of Magic Missile the entire time. Rezzed twice, died to a Megaraptor Skeleton the second time and the party's Crusader the third time (due to a challenge of authority).

Character 5: Warblade Chain Tripper. After dying so much, he asked me to make the character entirely. I did, and made him a Lockdown Warblade. Something even a trained Monkey could play.

He failed spectacularly. Between spamming Steel Wind and the Mountain Hammer, never using the Trip option, opting not to take Improved Trip and taking Vital Recovery instead, and having to face off against my first Totemist character (during which he actually used the Trip option (http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19855062/CO_Diary_Playing_a_Totemist)), he never stood a chance. WOrth noting was that this was under a different DM, who was even nice enough to allow him to use Strikes on all AoOs.


It takes him 2 weeks to make a character. He is partially blind (born with Glaucoma), and plays using translucent dice that are very difficult to read (including 3 that were actually loaded dice). He hasn't been allowed to make a character since.

FMArthur
2009-09-24, 01:41 PM
A rogue-assassin who picked useless skills and only used Death Attack when there was combat. I felt really bad for him. The tactic was actually 'waste 3 turns studying the burliest enemy fighter (with the highest fortitude saves), then stab ineffectually'.

I have played with a long list of players whose characters wind up unconscious every combat, but I don't think I've ever seen the like of this player who could not come to terms with how bad his only strategy was. He even chose his character after learning that the party already had a rogue. The Death Attack succeeded once against a foe who would have been reduced to 0 HP from the damage anyway. He was trying to make a dextrous combatant so he dumped Strength, but did not take Weapon Finesse until I gave it to him for free, since he forgot about it every time he picked a feat! RARGH!!

sadi
2009-09-24, 01:49 PM
Had a player who designed a character to have a ~30 ac and to only do damage by auto hitting by rolling his threat range on his weapon (18-20). The problem is you don't auto hit on anything besides a 20. Add in the fact he's supposedly playing LN, but plays CN perfectly. He also quotes pages to prove what he thinks the rules are, and the pages clearly prove him wrong, and I think his main goal in the game is to either get 90% of the dms attention or just make sure others are annoyed at him.

One session we spent the first 3 hours with him doing something that wasn't related to anything we were doing and when the dm went to someone else to ask them about what they were doing he'd just ignore them and talk over the other players.

Fortuna
2009-09-24, 01:58 PM
Compared to these, my story seems tame. We just have a cleric who charges at everything. OTOH, there was one moment when, on about half health, he turns to the (paralysed) other cleric and says "Heal me, heal me!"

Myrmex
2009-09-24, 02:02 PM
Add in the fact he's supposedly playing LN, but plays CN perfectly.

I've never gotten this attitude.

As a DM, I always have everyone leave their alignment blank and fill it in for them based on their actions in game.

Sipex
2009-09-24, 02:04 PM
Our party wizard (4e). Jesus, he's a smart guy but when it comes to combat rolls you probably should just stand back and watch.

Has a tradition of starting off every combat encounter with Eyebite and almost always failing (got it as his Half-elf Dilentte race feature).

Indon
2009-09-24, 02:16 PM
Had a player who designed a character to have a ~30 ac and to only do damage by auto hitting by rolling his threat range on his weapon (18-20). The problem is you don't auto hit on anything besides a 20.
That's funny, since I intentionally made just such a character once.

He had combat expertise and power attack, and wielded a quarterstaff (that, due to a houseruled feat, he could TWF with THF damage). The character concept was that he was a warrior designing a signature combat style, that basically amounted to swinging wildly as fast as possible and getting a natural 20 before his opponent did.

The game ran an M&M-like damage save system, so it wasn't a bad strategy in theory - a single attack that did sufficiently high damage could KO practically anybody.

Ultimately, however, he was done in by an ironic turn of fate before he gained enough BAB to be able to fuel the approach properly - he got hit with a lucky crit and rolled low on his Toughness save, KOing him instantly, and was coup de grace'd the following round. The party disintegrated/died (forget which, possibly both) shortly thereafter.

My propensity at very bad luck has led me to be this character in a few parties, especially since I've been in a lot of games that run critical miss houserules (I roll 1's a lot). In one memorable game, I played a Monk that broke two arms and a leg fighting a couple werewolves.

Thankfully, after a few characters, my friends no longer run critical miss houserules, so my characters tend to be more effective nowadays.

valadil
2009-09-24, 02:17 PM
I've seen a few.

One of them wanted to play a scout in my second game. She liked the flavor and I thought it was cool to finally see some mechanical variety in martial classes. She asked for help building her character. I was cool with this because there were some optimizers in the group and she didn't want to feel left behind. She understood how scouts have to stay on the move. I explained that she should pick melee or ranged and focus her feats in that. She went with melee, because her last character had been an archer. We ended up giving her spring attack. So far so good. When it came to game time, she refused to use melee weapons. She always stayed at a range with her bow. She had no bow feats and couldn't shoot worth a damn. Naturally this was my fault since I'd built the character. She also demanded a reflex save every time she got hit, claiming that evasion should let her evade.

Another dude played a cleric in a game where we were allowed to pick our own stats. He had a 15 wisdom. He also had skill focus diplomacy, even though he didn't take ranks in it. Most of his contribution to the group was casting bane on enemies and swinging his not-even-masterwork mace at them. Whenever we questioned his build he insisted that intentionally gimping yourself is always good roleplaying. At least the character was cool and he didn't seem to mind being mechanically ineffective.

Dienekes
2009-09-24, 02:23 PM
To Brandon!
Who, named his character Wade Wilson, the Fighter bounty hunter
Who, while at 1st level, running from the angry army thought it would be cool to tame a bear. With his 0 Charisma and no ranks in Handle Animal.
Who, while on a stealth assassin mission, stopped the entire party to see where a trap door went, and landed himself in the dungeon. And later, after the other members lifted him back out screamed his battle cry and charged the guards effectively waking up everyone within hearing range in the stealth mission.
Who, while being sent as a diplomat to a known jealous dictatorial Margrave, decided it would be fun to seduce the Margravine (or whatever she's called) right in front of him. Again with 0 Charisma and 3 cross-classed skill in Diplomacy.
Who, after being warned of the curses the wizarding guild used on all their items of power to ward against thieves, thought it would be brilliant to try on one of the bracers and was successfully illusion-ed into killing one of his own teammates (NPC however).
Who thought it was an intelligent idea to climb a burning building while fully armored and then looked surprised when his character fell and received rather a lot of falling and fire damage.
Who, when told that for his feat progression, all the 2WF feats were rolled into one, complained that that "messed up the feat plan I made for myself"

May your antics continue to make things harder for your party my good sir!

taltamir
2009-09-24, 02:26 PM
I once made a mute wizard, he was limited to either casting spells with no verbal component, or using silent spell metamagic.
But the real issue was party interaction. sign language is hard to see in the dark, sometimes the aren't looking, and apparently the DM decided that I cannot speak at the table (apparently sign language and a raven familiar doesn't count as being "speaking") that cause inter party tension and arguments between players and each other, and players and DM, until the entire game broke down.

chiasaur11
2009-09-24, 02:33 PM
To Brandon!
Who, named his character Wade Wilson, the Fighter bounty hunter
Who, while at 1st level, running from the angry army thought it would be cool to tame a bear. With his 0 Charisma and no ranks in Handle Animal.
Who, while on a stealth assassin mission, stopped the entire party to see where a trap door went, and landed himself in the dungeon. And later, after the other members lifted him back out screamed his battle cry and charged the guards effectively waking up everyone within hearing range in the stealth mission.
Who, while being sent as a diplomat to a known jealous dictatorial Margrave, decided it would be fun to seduce the Margravine (or whatever she's called) right in front of him. Again with 0 Charisma and 3 cross-classed skill in Diplomacy.
Who, after being warned of the curses the wizarding guild used on all their items of power to ward against thieves, thought it would be brilliant to try on one of the bracers and was successfully illusion-ed into killing one of his own teammates (NPC however).
Who thought it was an intelligent idea to climb a burning building while fully armored and then looked surprised when his character fell and received rather a lot of falling and fire damage.
Who, when told that for his feat progression, all the 2WF feats were rolled into one, complained that that "messed up the feat plan I made for myself"

May your antics continue to make things harder for your party my good sir!

Shouldn't zero charisma put him in a coma?

Also: There's a reason Deadpool has a healing factor.

Dienekes
2009-09-24, 02:35 PM
Shouldn't zerco charisma put him in a coma?

Also: There's a reason Deadpool has a healing factor.

I meant modifier of 0. Good catch.

taltamir
2009-09-24, 02:35 PM
i think he means cha 10, aka +0 mod

lsfreak
2009-09-24, 02:35 PM
Shouldn't zerco charisma put him in a coma?

Also: There's a reason Deadpool has a healing factor.

Zero charisma meaning +0, I'm assuming

MOLOKH
2009-09-24, 02:39 PM
Our newformed, overly-large (6-7 people) party of low-level (2-3) characters was joined by one of the party members' brother, who mostly engages in playing WoW and DotA. He rolled up a human rogue and we had him artificially entered in the story. Said story led us to the estate of the vampire baroness Kanchesis. After she subdues the party with some major spell we wake up naked in her house and she informs us that she wil let us go if we do her a favor - to kill something in her basement. She leads us out of the room and as she turns around I (playing Paladin) cast Detect Evil behind her. I roll my Religion check and learn that she is a vampire. Vampires, undead as well as clerics and paladins were something extremely rare in the world we played in, mind you. She leads us in a large room where there are all kinds of weapons, basically every weapon and armor on the list - from shuriken to full plates, greatswords, repeating crossbows, but no bows - all masterwork quality, all made from some kind of shiny black and extremely light metal. We start picking weapons in order, and when the Rogue's turns comes up, he sais "I look around for a wooden stake."

Korivan
2009-09-24, 02:42 PM
We have this one player...and I know I've posted about him in the past. Doesn't matter what type of character he plays, he utterly fails at it. He plays wizards, bards, and rangers mostly.

As a wizard, the only spells he memorizes is magic missile, acid arrow, fireball, ice storm, and cloudkill. Nothing else, though to be fair he can't memorise anything higher cause by then the DM's leniency runs out and he no longer fudges dice rolls to keep this guy alive.

As a bard, he tries a hack'n'slash play. Now, I could be wrong, but I don't think thats how bards were meant for. Especially when he wields two daggers and charges into melee before the party's tanks can take lead.

As for when he's played rangers?!?! Its so pitiful its sad. Imagin the most unoptimised ranger. STR 16, DEX 14, CON 13, INT 11, WIS 10, CHA 8. Chose the ranged weapon style of combat, and his feat selection all over the board.

The last time I dm'ed this group, I handed out healing potions like holloween candy becuase they didn't have a cleric. They needed to used every single one to keep this guy alive for a 3 hour gaming session. (we play longer, but he almost never comes untill the last few hours, and needs to build a character on the spot. Stops the game constantly for the same questions we've answered many times over the months/years).

Lastly, there is absoluty no point in giving him magical items of any sort. It confuses him. Badly. Everytime I've ever given him something plot related, protective, offensive, he forgets about it.

Akal Saris
2009-09-24, 02:46 PM
My MIC is another incompetent monk who chose to suck horribly at the game, claimed it's because his character was designed for RP reasons, then complained about the other characters outshining him in combat and asked the DM to nerf us.

I think his build was Monk 3/Cleric 3/Monk PrC 4/Ninja 1, with 7 strength and weapon finesse, plus Weapon Focus (Longsword), and he never cast a single spell.

He's a nice kid overall, but it wasn't much fun playing with him...

Tiktakkat
2009-09-24, 02:49 PM
These were not D&D games.

From the TORG campaign that produced my nickname:
I was Tiktak Kat, an Edeinos warrior who changed sides because it would be a new experience.
A distance into the campaign we brought in a new player. His first character was a spellcasting elf who joined us in the fantasy realm. We were on a mission to meet the queen and get her to join our alliance in resisting the invaders. Due to circumstances, the players with the characters best suited to rational diplomacy were elsewhere, so we approached the place the queen was staying with her court with the weird lizard man (me), the player who had missed over half of the last two months of sessions, and the new guy. The guards would not let us in. After trying in vain to change their minds, the new guy decides the only thing to do is charm a guard. He actually succeeds, and the guard goes in to announce us. Of course everyone inside is no charmed, and they realize something is wrong and send the guard back to bring one of us inside. Sensing disaster, I go beyond character and insist I will be the spokesman, and with a brilliant rip-off of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, I manage to save the day. Elf boy gets sentenced to severe restrictions on spellcasting and decides to make a new character instead.
Next session he shows up and announces he is a swashbuckling noir type who uses two swords. His name is Blade Master, "but you can call me BM." Truth in advertising. Our mission is to go into the land of my people, a place inhabited by dinosaurs, and find a warehouse with special technology. One morning while breaking camp while traveling I notice a small dinosaur who likes shiny things playing in the fire with the coals. I stop and look at it. He notices and asks what it is. I say it is just some small dinosaur. He pulls out a gun. As if scripted, "I wouldn't do that . . ." *BLAM* ". . . if I were you." "Why not?" *MEGAROAR* "That's why." We run. We get to the warehouse in the ruins of Washington D.C. He volunteers to use his sword to break the lock, fumbles, and snaps one sword. Once inside, I have nothing to do, lizard man and all that. I go back to the door to keep watch. He comes by. A giant spider wanders by. "What's that?" "A giant spider." *pulls gun* "I wouldn't do that . . . " *BLAM* ". . . if I were you." "Why not?" *THUMP* (50 foot tall mother spider) "That's why."
Fortunately for us, he left the group after that.

In a Champions game:
My character, an Iron Man clone with an entangling rope attack, realized that since the rules said that if you run into someone and do damage you take take damage (move-through and move-by maneuvers), and that if you use an object it takes damage, I could pick up one bad guy I had stunned and use him to run into another bad guy, and only the first bad guy would take more damage without breaking. (Like a car or rock or chunk of pavement would.)
The MIT decides to "improve" on my idea. He is playing a Flash-type super-speedster. He likes doing the "run in a circle and hit someone multiple times" bit. He figures using someone as a bludgeon would work for him too. But to improve on my idea, he decides to use a stunned fellow PC. Of course as soon as said PC takes a point of stun, he immediately remains stunned for another action, being unable to rejoin the fight and help us.
Sadly, that was probably the least of his "helpful contributions". He also regularly found ways to use the right form of energy attack on villains with energy absorbtion, thus restoring their strength, or mentally paralyzing the same other player while he was trash talking Thor to distract him while I found weakness on him (4 times!) and we both readied a devastating first strike.

taltamir
2009-09-24, 02:49 PM
My MIC is another incompetent monk who chose to suck horribly at the game, claimed it's because his character was designed for RP reasons, then complained about the other characters outshining him in combat and asked the DM to nerf us.

I think his build was Monk 3/Cleric 3/Monk PrC 4/Ninja 1, with 7 strength and weapon finesse, plus Weapon Focus (Longsword), and he never cast a single spell.

He's a nice kid overall, but it wasn't much fun playing with him...

sounds like he missed the part where it explicitly states that "not all bards are of the bard class, not all priests are clerics, etc"... that a job and your class are two different things, he can be a priest with 10 years of experience as a warrior, monk, or cleric, bard, ranger, whatever.

Korivan
2009-09-24, 02:59 PM
Please let me use this space as a tribute to Rob, player among players, who in our last campaign teleported himself 1500 feet in the air...without a means of flight. Rob, while we fought for our lives against hordes of the undead...you were trying to do something cool with your lesser bag of tricks. We traveled through strange portals to other dimensions with you...and even burned a 5th level spell slot to fabricate arrows for you because you only brought a quiver of 20. Rob, you and you alone could devise a tactic that involved sheathing your 2d6 greatsword so you could attack with a 1d6+1 torch...against an enemy who was resistant to fire. We're proud of you Rob...just please never again try to steal from the elf king right before he gives us our quest reward.

:smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:LOLOLOLO LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

infinitypanda
2009-09-24, 03:04 PM
To Brandon!
Who, named his character Wade Wilson, the Fighter bounty hunter
Who, while at 1st level, running from the angry army thought it would be cool to tame a bear. With his 0 Charisma and no ranks in Handle Animal.
Who, while on a stealth assassin mission, stopped the entire party to see where a trap door went, and landed himself in the dungeon. And later, after the other members lifted him back out screamed his battle cry and charged the guards effectively waking up everyone within hearing range in the stealth mission.
Who, while being sent as a diplomat to a known jealous dictatorial Margrave, decided it would be fun to seduce the Margravine (or whatever she's called) right in front of him. Again with 0 Charisma and 3 cross-classed skill in Diplomacy.
Who, after being warned of the curses the wizarding guild used on all their items of power to ward against thieves, thought it would be brilliant to try on one of the bracers and was successfully illusion-ed into killing one of his own teammates (NPC however).
Who thought it was an intelligent idea to climb a burning building while fully armored and then looked surprised when his character fell and received rather a lot of falling and fire damage.
Who, when told that for his feat progression, all the 2WF feats were rolled into one, complained that that "messed up the feat plan I made for myself"

May your antics continue to make things harder for your party my good sir!

On the bright side, he certainly acts like Wade Wilson.

thorgrim29
2009-09-24, 03:14 PM
Yeah, that's really amazing rping there, problem is that Comic Wade is an epic level character with crazy regen and metagame abilities while he's just a low level fighter

Dienekes
2009-09-24, 03:17 PM
Yeah, that's really amazing rping there, problem is that Comic Wade is an epic level character with crazy regen and metagame abilities while he's just a low level fighter

It would have been better if he hadn't told me before we started playing "Don't worry, I'll play serious, I just like the name."

But yeah, he's pretty hilarious. Though he can tick off some of the other players (the fore-mentioned assassination being the biggest, where about 2 hours of planning were completely destroyed by his actions) still as the GM his antics always amuse me, and give me increased ways to completely screw with the players.

Rhiannon87
2009-09-24, 03:24 PM
We have this one player...and I know I've posted about him in the past. Doesn't matter what type of character he plays, he utterly fails at it. He plays wizards, bards, and rangers mostly.

As a wizard, the only spells he memorizes is magic missile, acid arrow, fireball, ice storm, and cloudkill. Nothing else, though to be fair he can't memorise anything higher cause by then the DM's leniency runs out and he no longer fudges dice rolls to keep this guy alive.

As a bard, he tries a hack'n'slash play. Now, I could be wrong, but I don't think thats how bards were meant for. Especially when he wields two daggers and charges into melee before the party's tanks can take lead.

As for when he's played rangers?!?! Its so pitiful its sad. Imagin the most unoptimised ranger. STR 16, DEX 14, CON 13, INT 11, WIS 10, CHA 8. Chose the ranged weapon style of combat, and his feat selection all over the board.

The last time I dm'ed this group, I handed out healing potions like holloween candy becuase they didn't have a cleric. They needed to used every single one to keep this guy alive for a 3 hour gaming session. (we play longer, but he almost never comes untill the last few hours, and needs to build a character on the spot. Stops the game constantly for the same questions we've answered many times over the months/years).

Lastly, there is absoluty no point in giving him magical items of any sort. It confuses him. Badly. Everytime I've ever given him something plot related, protective, offensive, he forgets about it.

Wow. This sounds a lot like my groups MIC...

He's a nice guy. Really. Just... he shouldn't be playing D&D. He's most ineffective in his role as cleric, in the game where I'm a player. (The game I'm DMing, he's a DEX-based fighter and has attended exactly 1.5 sessions. He's coming to the one I'm running this weekend. I am dreading it a little.) As a player, he's rarely able to make it to game, and thus has no idea what's happening in the plot. We explain things. Then, when we do plot related things, he stops us and makes us explain, sometimes more than once, why we're doing something. This is probably the most annoying part, because he will not stop whining if he doesn't understand why we're taking a given action. We explain things, we really truly do, but it's just like the idea that we're being hunted and people are trying to kill us and we should really sneak around the group of mercenaries rather than go up and talk to them is hard for him to understand.

He routinely attempts to use diplomacy against people we're hunting or who are actively engaged in the act of trying to kill us. He remembers to heal us, usually, and rarely enters combat. He gets attached to particular spells and wants to use them constantly. Blade Barrier is his current favorite. It's a fine spell, but it is not appropriate to cast it between two melee fighters with readied actions and a caster who frequently dimension doors to get away. And he almost never remembers how to use his items, or that he even has magical gear... and he has some of the best damn gear in the game. An artifact item, a strand of prayer beads, several powerful scrolls, etc.

He's at least getting better with the general mechanics of the game, and no longer has to ask us how ranged touch spells work.

adanedhel9
2009-09-24, 03:26 PM
One of my former players has earned the title of "he who can make any class under-powered". One of his first characters was a spirit shaman; for a long time afterward all the players assumed that the spirit shaman was a terrible class with no potential for real play. He spent most of combat swinging ineffectively in melee; he usually only cast 1 spell an encounter. It wasn't until this player had been through several more characters that we realized what the problem was.

In another game, he played a fairly generic sorcerer, and did fairly well for a low-level sorcerer. Except when he got to 4th level and picked up fireburst, which he used as an excuse to run into melee. He would also cast it regardless of what allies were nearby. He killed one animal companion and one character using that spell; later his fireburst led to a TPK when he took out half the party to hit two enemies.

Later we started a high-level game, and the DM outright warned us that the main baddies would be dragons, especially red dragons. What does the player come with? A fire elemental savant with no utility or control spells. The only effective thing he ever did was one or two castings of flame strike.

Oh, and he replaced that character with a CW samurai.

kladams707
2009-09-24, 03:46 PM
We had a standard LG paladin openly challenged by a blackguard walk away.

Same guy also looked over a precipice when a troll claimed his name was written down at the bottom of the canyon.

Korivan
2009-09-24, 03:49 PM
He's at least getting better with the general mechanics of the game, and no longer has to ask us how ranged touch spells work.

At least he's getting better. I left out many things in favor of saving space. This guy, we still have to explain BAB and how attacks work. Not special attacks, not magical attacks, NORMAL FRICKING ATTACKS!!! And this guy's been playing with us since 2nd edition, years ago.

Again, a nice guy. Really. It's just that DnD is a thinking game, a math game. Even if your just a hack n slash human fighter, you need some math skills. And to be effective you need to remember what your character has. I know if the DM hands out magic like candy you tend to forget things. Sell them, keep what you need. Our rule is its the players responsibility to remember. If a player dies or had something that could have helped and they don't use it, it doesn't work. Theres some leeway with constant magical items, but if 10-20 minutes of reall time passes by or something and they remember, too late, somehow, somereason it didn't work. Tough luck. The DM has enough to remember without keeping track of everylittle thing characters have/can do.

kladams707
2009-09-24, 04:17 PM
"At least he's getting better. I left out many things in favor of saving space. This guy, we still have to explain BAB and how attacks work"

Same with the guy I just described.

Fiery Diamond
2009-09-24, 04:23 PM
At least he's getting better. I left out many things in favor of saving space. This guy, we still have to explain BAB and how attacks work. Not special attacks, not magical attacks, NORMAL FRICKING ATTACKS!!! And this guy's been playing with us since 2nd edition, years ago.

Again, a nice guy. Really. It's just that DnD is a thinking game, a math game. Even if your just a hack n slash human fighter, you need some math skills. And to be effective you need to remember what your character has. I know if the DM hands out magic like candy you tend to forget things. Sell them, keep what you need. Our rule is its the players responsibility to remember. If a player dies or had something that could have helped and they don't use it, it doesn't work. Theres some leeway with constant magical items, but if 10-20 minutes of reall time passes by or something and they remember, too late, somehow, somereason it didn't work. Tough luck. The DM has enough to remember without keeping track of everylittle thing characters have/can do.

How many players in your group? The DM should remember all the constant items that could have saved the character if your group has fewer than five people. Heck, I could remember stuff for 6 people when I DMed. I'm sorry, but if you don't have the capacity to keep track of enough things in your head to be able to do calculus, you are a failure of a DM.

Tyndmyr
2009-09-24, 04:31 PM
and plays using translucent dice that are very difficult to read (including 3 that were actually loaded dice). He hasn't been allowed to make a character since.

The idea of someone using translucent loaded dice just made me spit diet coke over my screen.

Korivan
2009-09-24, 04:31 PM
How many players in your group? The DM should remember all the constant items that could have saved the character if your group has fewer than five people. Heck, I could remember stuff for 6 people when I DMed. I'm sorry, but if you don't have the capacity to keep track of enough things in your head to be able to do calculus, you are a failure of a DM.

Total: 12-14 people. On average 5-10 per game. Sometimes (without this guy 2-3)

EDIT: Also, while DMing I still have to take care of my 6 month old son.

woodenbandman
2009-09-24, 04:39 PM
To Rudski
The man who, after successfully rolling his knowledge check to learn that Gelatinous Cubes were acidic, stuck his foot inside one in hopes that it would clean his boots...
The man who, after hearing me read the first two lines of a warning note written by an abjurer, agreed when I suggested he read the third...
The man who, after my character sacrificed himself to save him when he stupidly went into melee combat, had the audacity to go back again...
The man whose deaths were the highlight of many a gaming session...
The man who told the party's psychic warrior to shut up and swing his sword and leave the magic to him, despite having a higher level adjustment than his caster level...
The man who tried to glue himself to another party member and commit kamikaze...
The man who polymorphed into a chimera to challenge a pair of Devourers...
The man who played a "paladin" that threw helpless naked people onto the unforgiving streets of the zombie apocalypse...
The man who agreed to have his infected hand cut off and replaced with a bear's arm...
The man who charged a group of bandits, armed with guns, 200 feet away, when his movement speed was 10 feet per round...
Bless you. You stupid bastard I hope I never lay eyes on you again.

Korivan
2009-09-24, 04:49 PM
I have a quick question, just a brief hop off topic. What, in your opinion is worse. A incompetent player, or a player with a grudge and the will to seek revenge on other players charactes? Otherwords, whats worse, the knife in your known enemies hands, or the loaded gun in the village idiots hands?

Nero24200
2009-09-24, 04:51 PM
One of my earlier characters was like this.

Let me paint a scene, its the first game of a campaign, all of the PC's are staying a castle (for various IC reasons). Suddenly, the castle is attacked. As a result of various offensive magic and seige equipment, many parts of the castle are damaged, and fire rages through the halls, lighting up the carpets and tapestries.

The wizard and knight rush through the halls to find someone of the invaders (who have fireproofed themselves) comming marching towards them, and soon they find themselves surrounded.

Then, from behind these invaders comes strutting my PC, the heroic paladin. He marches up behind them, standing a clear 4 foot above these things (they were goblins, and my paladin was pretty tall). He tosses off a speach about how as long as good people exist, evil will never truimph, and he was ready to prove that axiom today!

Then he charges one, rolls a 1, rolls another 1 and drops his weapon

Foryn Gilnith
2009-09-24, 05:07 PM
Not really the most incompetent, but on one of my characters, nothing rolled by or against him has exceeded a natural 10. He's an AC specialist, though, which makes him the only nondamaged character so far (we didn't go too far into the adventure - Play by Post, you know). He got a few hits in due to prodigious strength and low-AC enemies.

daa18
2009-09-24, 05:17 PM
In one first level campaign we had a player who used a monk, with the elite array.
First combat he tried to run on the wall to attack a locathah, and (obviously because it was a DC 35 climb check) failed.
Next encounter he decided to jump over a pool of water which he could have just ignored, and fell in.
He also had an attack bonus of -1 when he flurried, making him completely useless when he actually got to combat.
This same guy has also made an archer ranger with the improved unarmed strike feat, and had plans to put his 4th level stat point in charisma.

Knaight
2009-09-24, 05:19 PM
I have one, and I'm not even going to bother explaining systems or anything. I'll simply give a quote:
"Hey guys, lets climb through the speaker tubes"

Yeah. Pretty much.

Pigkappa
2009-09-24, 05:21 PM
I have a quick question, just a brief hop off topic. What, in your opinion is worse. A incompetent player, or a player with a grudge and the will to seek revenge on other players charactes?

Definitely the second one. In my party, we have been killing each others for about one year (that was partly my fault - I was a Legal/Neutral cleric, but I wore a powerful cursed piece of armor which turned me to an undead and I chose to roleplay that by becoming evil. I never attacked any of my teammates directly, but I managed to help a big group of trolls to enter a city and kill almost everyone, including a teammate's parents. Too bad the whole team had all gone evil because of me, and after that we begun struggling for a lot of time, and almost everyone eventually died because of that @_@).

Anyway, we have a spectacurlarly incompetent barbarian/berseker in the party. He is the only decent tank in the team and has nearly double the hit points of the other party members, but he is extremely scared too die (and that is not for roleplaying, that's just for the fact that the player is afraid to lose him. he never tries to contribute to roleplay.), so he is never in the front line, and he's always ready to flee when we are in trouble.
Looking at events from his point of view that works, because he is the only one who never died, and he is the highest-level character. Looking from my point of view, that is quite a problem, because that means that I get to tank quite often, and since I'm a druid I'm not really comfortable with my animal companion having to tank an Iron Golem (yes, that happened, and my pet didn't last really long >_<').

BorisTheblade
2009-09-24, 05:22 PM
We have had two.
One who ended up playing a lot of characters. His first character was a black guard. He thought he could impress the evil party by killing 1-2 HD commoners. We were like level 25-26. So after that, he picks fights with party members to impress the succubus. He dies to my duergar's large size axe.
He then makes a weird half dragon thing, that apparently carries a grudge against my duergar for some unknown reason. He dies to my axe.
He then makes a wizard who tries to seduce the succubus, ends up getting level drained to 1, proceeds to run outside cursing the god's name that inhabits the current plane (evil god) instead of the PC succubus taking his last level.
The wizard's cohort becomes his main, but my duergar decides he likes the wizard's keep and claims it. The half-ogre cohort wants to fight for it. Oddly enough, the half-ogre demands I take off my plate armor and we "wrestle". He throws a punch at me, provoking since he doesn't have imp unarmed. I punch him, dealing lethal, since I have Imp Unarmed, he immediately gives up, after one hit.
Later a lich drained the life from that Half-Ogre.
He made so many characters that the DM started imposing level loss for his characters to try and get him to play more intelligently. He had like 15-20 characters over the span of 2 levels. This was not just bad luck, he was being stupid.

The other person was a power hungry, meta-gaming, min-maxing, power gaming tard. He was the succubus that always tried to do retardedly powerful stuff that breaks the game for everyone. His saves could not be made by anyone in the party, and stuff our CR couldn't make them. He had the HP of the tank/warrior and AC in the 80's which most people couldn't hit with a 20. (we dont use auto hit/miss on 20 and 1)
He would always threaten party members (dominate for the rest of the game, but the DM said he would not allow it. The guy still said by the rules he could and always used that) and he ALWAYS argued semantics over everything with everyone. He always thought he was right and used ignorant logic to back his ideas. When his logic was proven wrong, he would get pissed and become verbally abusive. He made deals with demons and devils and tried to play them against each other, which he couldn't understand why they wanted him dead.
His celestial good character stole anything "pretty or beautiful" and tried to justify that he was protecting it from humans, which would not appreciate it as much as he would. We were in the abyss, fighting Demogorgon, from the Dungeon adventure The Savage Tide, and instead of opening a portal for us to escape, he opened a portal to call for reinforcements while we escaped. Two party members refused to let others die for us.
He was our cleric, a chosen of Suni(sp) and after that Suni stopped talking to him after he was so willing to condemn others to death for his own life.

After that, we had had enough and stopped playing all together until recently.

TelemontTanthul
2009-09-24, 05:24 PM
whats worse, the knife in your known enemies hands, or the loaded gun in the village idiots hands?

I definitely side with the village idiot being more dangerous. Especially in situations that require subtlety. Evan, our hapless party cleric was rumored to have tourette's syndrome, and the tick that set him off was usually the words: "everyone stay quiet." He routinely rolled 1's on move silently checks, and with his full plate, would get negative results.

Thus, our party was no longer trying to sneak into a fortress, but forced to either charge it's front gate, or run for cover.

Unfortunately, our escape route was cut off by several mounted patrols.

The result was nothing less than the siege scene in Monty Python's the Holy Grail. (The first time King Arthur attacked the French Castle.)

Evan died so frequently that we added to his background that he was one of a dozen twins. (That way he didn't have to waste time rolling characters when, not if, he died.)

Did I mention he was eaten by a dinosaur that he provoked into attacking him?

Or that the bear he tried to free (hoping it would be gracious) swatted him, and landed double critical hits on him?

The list goes on...

In answer to an earlier question, I forget by whom (first page near the top):

I actually intended either the most incompetent player OR the most incompetent character, and I invite you to share your stories with the rest of us. I have had a great time reading all your experiences, especially the one about teleporting 1.5k feet into the air. :D

Sinfire Titan
2009-09-24, 05:25 PM
The idea of someone using translucent loaded dice just made me spit diet coke over my screen.

There weren't actual weights in it, they were dice made by a company that sells rigged dice. My guess is that multiple types of materials went into the creation of it, and someone put pin-sized holes in it while it was hardening to alter the mass in favor of one side or the other. We found the holes after looking at it under Midge's own magnifier.


I have a quick question, just a brief hop off topic. What, in your opinion is worse. A incompetent player, or a player with a grudge and the will to seek revenge on other players charactes? Otherwords, whats worse, the knife in your known enemies hands, or the loaded gun in the village idiots hands?

I'll take a third option: Both in the same person. Midge held a grudge against the DM who he played the Warblade Chain Tripper under (before the campaign started). The Crusader I mentioned in that post? That was the DM for the campaign described in my Totemist diary (inked).

So in effect, he thought he held all of the cards when he only had an Airsoft gun loaded with flour instead of pellets. Meanwhile, the rest of the party was toting around Chainsaws and I had the tactical nuke with Napalm grenades.

TelemontTanthul
2009-09-24, 05:26 PM
oh, and I love Rudski's exploits. If Evan and Rudski had met, I think reality would tear and all the cosmos would rain hellfire down upon the hapless citizens of the world.

quillbreaker
2009-09-24, 05:46 PM
I have a quick question, just a brief hop off topic. What, in your opinion is worse. A incompetent player, or a player with a grudge and the will to seek revenge on other players charactes? Otherwords, whats worse, the knife in your known enemies hands, or the loaded gun in the village idiots hands?

I vote for the incompetent. If you help them make a character, then you can sometimes point them in the right direction. "Go kill that. Over there. With your sword. Cast bless first. Thanks." And if the incompetent gets you all killed, well, at least it's funny. And, he makes you look good.

The grudge-guided character is going to have to be watched every second, both in and out of game, and is going to deduct from your ability to deal with things because you always have to deal with him. That's not fun.

Kesnit
2009-09-24, 05:46 PM
From Vampire: the Requiem

We will call him Jon, since that was his character name. Jon had never played WoD before and was a hardcore min-max D&D player. He could not RP his way out of a paper bag. His character was a sword-wielding Gangrel, heavy with combat feats and physical abilities, but low on mental or social.

This would be fine, as he was playing a Gangrel. They aren't supposed to be smart or charismatic. Except he thought he was (IC and OOC). And he kept stepping on the high-social skilled Ventrue/Malkavian (me). (My insanity was multiple personalities, so I could interact with the world without freaking them out.)

And he could never remember the rules. ("How many dice do I roll?" "What's my initiative?") The best was when he tried to convince the ST that he had a Merit that let him automatically go first in any combat. (What it really did was say when he tied another character - ally or enemy - on initiative, he always went before them.)

And did I mention he could not RP at all? He tried, but had no real character concept so had nothing to base his RP on. (His character was my character's friend in life and now was her bodyguard. That was all he had in terms of concept.) The game was RP-heavy and it wasn't uncommon to have an entire session without combat, so it was really obvious that Jon was struggling.

BobTheDog
2009-09-24, 06:03 PM
The man who agreed to have his infected hand cut off and replaced with a bear's arm...

Wait, wait! I would totally do this! I bet he got some cool graft-like bonuses for that. :smallbiggrin:

Zincorium
2009-09-24, 06:12 PM
Probably the least competent player I've ran with was actually one of the DMs in a multi-DM group (trading off every few sessions). Myself and the second most incompetent were the other DMs. You know it's bad when you're a melee fighter, taking a gimped prestige class (battlerager from forgotten realms) and everyone agrees you should be nerfed.

Anyway, this character, who was the awesome DMPC when he was running the game, somehow lost all hope when removed from behind the screen. First off was the problem of conceptual schizophrenia- he started off the game as an evoker-type wizard. Which is hard. Then spent all his feats on being a spellfire wielder, when there are almost no spellcasting enemies in the campaign. Just before reaching 7th level, he saw the arcane magus PrC and decided to start multiclassing sorceror. With a 12 charisma.

I sent them up against a single chuul, in a watery enviroment, at 9th level. It nearly resulted in a TPK as the wizard bravely drew his dagger and decided to plunge in after the rogue, who was grappled, in order to use his spellfire powers to heal him. While everyone else stood back and tried to figure out what was in the water. I don't use chuuls anymore.

The twice-reincarnated gnoll ranger/bard was at least helpful out of combat.

Akal Saris
2009-09-24, 06:17 PM
I have a quick question, just a brief hop off topic. What, in your opinion is worse. A incompetent player, or a player with a grudge and the will to seek revenge on other players charactes? Otherwords, whats worse, the knife in your known enemies hands, or the loaded gun in the village idiots hands?

The grudge-seeker is worse by far in my opinion. I've never had one destroy a campaign before, but it's come close a few times, and destroyed a few friendships within our group (now -ahem- groups) as well. In contrast, the incompetent players just generally drag down gameplay.

taltamir
2009-09-24, 06:59 PM
An incompetent player gets you killed and you have a good laugh about it.
A grudge filled person gets caught trying to get you killed for stupid reasons, and leads to IRL arguing, fighting, and dissolving of the (playing) group.

Lvl45DM!
2009-09-24, 07:18 PM
Banad, party cleric 1E
never turned a damn thing
useless in a fight cos he was too low level for Flame strike
we serenaded him with the bananananananana make those banads hit!
it did not help
he died cos his ring of regeneration was cursed, so when we took it off and put it back on he got sent 500 years into the past
the dice just HATED that guy

Fako
2009-09-24, 07:21 PM
I'd take the village idiot over the revenge seeker any day... at least the idiot is good for a laugh..

Sadly, my entire group (myself included) have taken turns as the MIC. Allow me to list the highlights:

-Losing an argument with an intelligent table
-Having the fighter attempt to "disable" the wheels of the caravan they were guarding... with no Disable Device.
-Being killed by an animated tapestry
-Attacking random peasants to attempt to "try out" a new class
-Trying to gain access to sunglasses
-Posing as a lawn ornament indoors (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6992954&postcount=62)
-Attempting to use "Sudden Strike" with a poisoned blade to "subdue" a guard
-Having only a Rod of Wonder as a weapon
-...

The list goes on... :smallsmile:

woodenbandman
2009-09-24, 07:34 PM
I have actually had both in a single campaign. In a single person, actually. Rudski is a village idiot and definite grudgeseeker.

Although for all his incompetence I would prefer him be incompetent than being vengeful.

Korivan
2009-09-24, 08:11 PM
I'm sorry to get off topic but something keeps coming up and I don't know what it means. What does IRC mean?

Back to topic. Fako, how does one lose an argument with an intelligent table? Even "Smash Furniture!!! ARGHHH!!!" should work.

This one comes back from 2nd edition. "Enlarge Person" used to be simply "Enlarge", and this one guy would use it to enhance.....certain areas of the male body. While this is good for a quick har har, it gets alittle annoying when the GM rules that due to bloodloss due to the...ahem...abnormal size, the mage passes out.

holywhippet
2009-09-24, 08:52 PM
I'm sorry to get off topic but something keeps coming up and I don't know what it means. What does IRC mean?


IRC hasn't been popping up in this thread. Do you mean MIC? If so I think it means Moron In Charge in this case.

Soras Teva Gee
2009-09-24, 09:01 PM
I once played with this party, most of people with shaky to no knowledge of the rules.

-First we had myself, the blessed with awesome rolls Elven Rogue I put into TWF and was easily the most effective in combat. Also got myself into lots of trouble by playing the CS alignment. Ahh setting giant spider-webs on fire... good times.
-Second was a Halfling Monk who had decent enough rolls as to afford Hide/MS ranks in max quantities and the only one that used any non-Core to improve his character. Most notable was Touch of Golden Ice from BOED. Did good damage and could sneak with me.
-Third Human Fighter knew what he was about more or less but had no stat higher then a 15. Managed to be as effective on the frontline as my rogue once the DM dropped a nice sword on him and he got a second attack. Too bad it was down the second direction we checked after fighting the hydra.
-Fourth was a thoroughly forgettable Sorceror. Namely because the player hardly cast spells, just sat pecking away with a crossbow. I actually think the player put feats into it. Hit fairly often, but well yeah a crossbow and magic missile out of a caster. Basically didn't change play style from level 1.
-Fifth was the Cleric, played by one of the DMs friend as a sort of contract DMPC there to be a healbot, provide a second support crossbow, and drink.
-Sixth though was a Ranger who simply should not have been let out of character creation. Why? She had so help me, an 11 Str, a 12 Dex, and an 18 Cha. As a ranger, and as someone who in general did not talk in game period. I'm still not sure the character ever landed an attack.

Fako
2009-09-24, 09:24 PM
I'm sorry to get off topic but something keeps coming up and I don't know what it means. What does IRC mean?

I think you might have missed an I there...
IRC = Internet Relay Chat
IIRC = If I Recall Correctly


Back to topic. Fako, how does one lose an argument with an intelligent table? Even "Smash Furniture!!! ARGHHH!!!" should work.

This is the same fighter that tried to "disable" wagon wheels. They were going through (surprise!) a run-down temple to (surprise again!) a forgotten deity... (Sorry, this was in the first campaign I ran...)

They entered into a room that, for all intents and purposes, was basically the temple's elevator. It was nicely furnished, with a table in the center. When you spoke the command word ("move" :smallbiggrin:) the table would announce the area that the room had teleported to within the dungeon. It did so in writing.

The fighter decided that the table would make a nice bit of loot, and was disappointed to find it magically glued to the floor. He then proceeded to ask the table why it refused to move...

Thus began a half hour conversation between the fighter and the table, with him trying to convince it "that it would be happier in the tropics, surrounded by gorgeous babes"... I'm not joking about that either, that was the cornerstone of his argument for leaving the temple...

He eventually gave up when the table got angry and started forming a rather large wooden stake... aimed at his crotch... :smallbiggrin:

Mushroom Ninja
2009-09-24, 09:28 PM
Until recently, I played a lurk optimised for infiltration and subterfuge in a hack 'n Slash campaign. It didn't work out so well.

Korivan
2009-09-24, 09:34 PM
An incompetent player gets you killed and you have a good laugh about it.
A grudge filled person gets caught trying to get you killed for stupid reasons, and leads to IRL arguing, fighting, and dissolving of the (playing) group.

My bad, i meant IRL, like above...Thanks for clerifying IIRC for me though...:smallsmile:

Rhiannon87
2009-09-24, 09:40 PM
My bad, i meant IRL, like above...Thanks for clerifying IIRC for me though...:smallsmile:

IRL = In Real Life.

Fako
2009-09-24, 09:40 PM
My bad, i meant IRL, like above...Thanks for clerifying IIRC for me though...:smallsmile:

IRL = In Real Life

Personally, I check this thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18512) when an acronym's meaning eludes me...

EDIT: Ninja'd :smallfrown:

Raewyn
2009-09-24, 10:42 PM
... Billy...

This guy joined our (already pretty large) group eight months ago, right after a dear friend of mine had to stop playing due to a scheduling conflict. Anywhoodle, DM has a rule that everyone starts at 1st level, so Boyfriend and I help him roll up a relatively capable, well-statted(ish) scout (he had 3 stats ≤ 11, which all went into mental stats. Art imitates life, eh wot? :smallamused:) Regrettably, due to his high Dex and Improved Initiative, little Sephiroth (yes, he was that uncreative) would often be at the top of the initiative. And in his opinion, his best course of action was to draw first blood.

Thanks to poor to-hit rolls and a merciful DM, he was not righteously smote by giants and managed to basically catch up to the rest of the party, and be something vaguely resembling useful (he often would forget to Skirmish). Unfortunately, his utility would die a horrible death when he laid eyes upon... the Arcane Archer. Rather then rebuild his character (something the DM allows from time to time) to be more suited to ArcArch, he decided instead to simply start taking Wizard levels. Remember those mental stats? Yeah, he could only cast 1st level spells. His primary method of dealing damage was to fire Alchemist and Acid Arrows, which he never ever ran out of.

His final build wound up being Scout 6/Wizard 1/Arcane Archer 2, which, those of you who actually could be arsed to read the AA's prereqs would know, is an illegal build. I talked to the DM about this and set about building a Scout/Ranger Swift Hunter for him, partly because I felt bad about ratting him out, and partly because I wanted him to shut up about how poorly his character was doing. Yeah, that was a big point of contention with him, but could he ever be bothered to crack the PHB or open any book at all? Nooooooooooooooooo. (We've tried lending him the books, but he always turns them down, though he never hesitates to assail BF and me with questions).

Now his character is okayish mechanically, though I get suspicious when he rolls nothing lower than a 15 all night (and he has these awful black/white speckled dice with red lettering that he likes to roll right next to his computer). I've gotten him to roll a bit more out in the open now, but he's still using those damn dice. :smallsigh: One step at a time, I suppose.

Plus, he's a giant lootstitute. If there's a item he could conceivably use (or even a couple he actually couldn't), he was all "OMIGOSH GIVE ME!!!!!!1" He got a +1 Battle Axe with a unique enchantment on it because the po' widdle archer needed a melee weapon (even though a high Bluff/Diplomacy roll could have gotten us a KILLING at a major city). I mean, what could he possibly need with a uber melee weapon when a simple MW longsword will suffice for his limited purposes?

To lump onto the RP faux pas of naming a character Sephiroth, his idea of roleplay at one point was to speak in a grating Cockney accent. Never have I wanted to throttle him more.

Oh, and did I mention that he has a Ben Franklin haircut that he can in no way pull off? Fun times (I'm so glad he didn't show at tonight's session).

hewhosaysfish
2009-09-25, 07:17 AM
To lump onto the RP faux pas of naming a character Sephiroth, his idea of roleplay at one point was to speak in a grating Cockney accent.

Man, the next time I play FF VII, I know I'll be hearing Sephiroth with a Cockney accent....

Rhiannon87
2009-09-25, 09:59 AM
... Billy...

<snip>

Yeah, that was a big point of contention with him, but could he ever be bothered to crack the PHB or open any book at all? Nooooooooooooooooo. (We've tried lending him the books, but he always turns them down, though he never hesitates to assail BF and me with questions).

<snip snip>



OH GOD MY GUY DOES THIS TOO. HATE.

We have tried. We have offered to lend him copies of the PHB, or give him PDFs of the books. And then he doesn't know how to do anything. And he ends up playing characters that don't fit in the setting or even know anything about it. The game where he's a cleric is set in Forgotten Realms. He's a cleric of Pelor. Despite us telling him that Pelor isn't actually a god in this setting, offering him the FR Handbook so he could find a different god... he decided he wanted to serve Pelor, and the DM didn't want to fight over it. And then he complains when everyone else in the party says stuff that, if you know things about FR, make perfect sense, because he doesn't understand what we're talking about. (We're not looking for a high level of knowledge, here. But things like "the Zhentariam are evil" are not that tough. Especially when we've been fighting a Zhent agent for several sessions.)

Like I said. Dreading having him in my game tomorrow. I had this vague idea that the party would finish this sidequest, but now I have very little hope for that, simply because everyone is going to have to stop and explain what is going on and why they are making certain assumptions every ten minutes. Argh.

TelemontTanthul
2009-09-25, 10:27 AM
Just wanted to remark on how amazingly well my first (and so far only) thread has been progressing.

And perhaps regale with one more tale. (forgive the rhyme)

Xavier was a monk.

Usually, monks are revered and believed to be a decent class, despite the lawful requirement.

I have to say, Xavier was most definitely, NOT a lawful character.
Whether it was standing by while a murder took place, and deciding to "Prance about the streets" which had basically been abandoned when everyone fled indoors.

Additionally, he made a character quirk for himself, which ordinarily I would be happy to entertain. However, his quirk, which was triggered every 32 minutes IRL time, involved him standing around, despite what else was going on, and llicking his dagger. This lasts for 10 minutes, which is 100 rounds of combat, and has since been revoked, since it nearly caused the party to be killed by his inaction.

His stats are not lower than anyone else's, since we used a point-buy system, but he has yet to kill, or for that matter, HARM anything that is trying to kill the party.

He spends most of his RP time trying to see if I am prepared about EVERYTHING in a city. For example, he was obsessed with visiting every shop, and every site that Evereska (FR is our campaign setting) had to offer.

Then he insists that he jumps into a fountain in Evereska, and just swims around in it...

This is a dedication to you, Xavier, your senseless antics will plague me for as long as we play.

Philaenas
2009-09-25, 10:32 AM
OH GOD MY GUY DOES THIS TOO. HATE.

Hehe, I have a party member who does this as well. I suspect in his case it is plain lazyness. That, combined with the fact that his brother, who is also in the party, is a very good optimizer and helps him with his characters. Funnily, the DM always seems to be picking at this (first) guy, prolly because he does a lot of stupid things. Though not so stupid as to call him incompetent, more clueless (e.g. talking abyssal to some wood elves 'cause its cool).

Sinfire Titan
2009-09-25, 10:36 AM
Yeah, that was a big point of contention with him, but could he ever be bothered to crack the PHB or open any book at all? Nooooooooooooooooo. (We've tried lending him the books, but he always turns them down, though he never hesitates to assail BF and me with questions).


I had a DM like this. He's the one responsible for the phrase "Snake Napalm" being in my vocabulary.

Keshay
2009-09-25, 10:52 AM
Not sure if it falls under the "incompetent" banner, but one guy who used to play with us was frustrating to say the least. Every character he ever played had a "dark secret". Which is fine, it's just that it was always the same secret. He was always a vampire/half-vampire who was secretly evil and would eventually try to betray the party, but fail because his character concepts were always so inherently flawed that not only was he useless in normal combat, but he had no chance of actually taking out 3-4 other player characters.

He seemed to design his characters around his own intensely flawed interpretations of the rules. For example, he was under the impression that if he were to cast a single target touch spell and hold the charge, you could then effect up to x number of enemies/allies with the single-target touch range spell. I've read the same exact paragraph in the same book, and every time I fail to interpret the rule in that way.

He also seemd to fail to understand that as soon as you enter combat with your "allies" they are no longer your allies. He'd try to get spells that "effect all allies" to work on us during his inevitable and repetitive attacks during one of his bloodlust frenzies (or whatever he called them).

The main problem was that he kept trying to do the same stuff, over and over and was always ready to argue his oft-refuted positions. It took alot of time away from actual playing. I was thankful when he was not asked to participate in further games.

Masaioh
2009-09-25, 11:16 AM
My group had a Tiefling Ranger who we often called 'the worst ranger in the world'. Every time he attempted a knowledge check, he would get under 4 on the D20. Here's an example:

Cleric: Ranger, where are we?

DM: Make a survival/knowledge nature check.

Ranger: I win! *rolls dice* I got a 2!

DM: Okay, you learn that football is a sport.

In another campaign that I was DMing, we had a barbarian that died 2 times in one session. Once he got killed in one hit by a troll's greataxe crit. 60 damage to a 5th level barbarian that had 43 max HP. We got to know his two identical triplet brothers very well.

meet shield
2009-09-25, 01:28 PM
I really had good time reading this thread: now I'll try to make you laugh too.
Some time ago we were in a campaign were we fought an organization that incarnate four apocalyptical demons in 4 host.
they attacked the city and tried to arrive in the lower planes of the palace, where two of the host, two children , were being held in stasi (thought we didn't know, we just followed the bad guys).
that leads to a fight that we win. then we open the door in wich they were trying to sneack and find the children. But then arrived two other enemies that tried to hurt them in order of make them go berserker and destroy the city.
We rock.
While the wizard and the sorcerer (my candidate as MIC) take down the enemies, me and the ranger talked down the children and prevent them from rage. After that, I that was an host too, enter in tehir mind with the help of the wizard and freed them fighting the demons inside by willpower.
Have I said that the MIC was the father of one of the child and say NOTHINg the whole time?
In the end, we cast a circle of teleport (4E) and enter it a turn.
The wizard cast.
the ranger goes ahead to scout.
I go with the girl-host.
The wizard follow me.
The hosts were still in a state of chaos, and fear. We should be calm and smiling.
He tried to tie his own possessed son with a chain of ice and pull him in the circle.
He ended up slaughtered in a way I can't describe 'cause minor could read this...

cenghiz
2009-09-25, 01:29 PM
I was introduced to actual D&D during university. Bored out of my mind, I heard about my friends starting a game and I had played freeform RPGs in past, so I decided to give it a try.

I had a friend who I loved teasing IRL because when he was angry, he was cute, snuggly and loveable. I learned he had prepared a half-elf paladin so of course, my character was his older sister, a female half-elf rogue.

It was good times. But there was a girl in the group, whose class I even could not remember because she would think for five minutes every time it was her turn, then she would do what the DM would advise.

Spoilered down is the story of why we were traveling in a cart towards a barghest, accompanied by Drov.

Time passed and I asked the DM if I could multiclass to a wizard, because y'know, point-black crossbow shots are fun only so many times. The DM was not very cool with it, y'know, the usual D&D myth claims a wizard has years under training and I was a straight rogue for long. "Make an assassin.." he said. "I'll overlook the alignment requirement if I can."

He didn't need to. We had attracted the drows' attention and they attacked us, only after killing my brother. I and the girl mentioned above - shall we call her 'flunky'? - got captured, too..

It was known that I was a rogue, now being a slave of a Matron Mother I was indeed powerful and tricky enough for some 'business'. Knowing I wanted an assassin, the DM had me play a solo-session siccing a mage of an opposing House. The coup-de-grace got entitled to be a 'death attack' and the start of my 'assassin' career. I would be allowed to take a level in assassin in my next level and I was offered early use of 'death attack'.

Then in my cell sitting, thanks to my high 'listen' and knowledge of Sylvan, I learned the Matron Mother decided to offer a feast to a nearby barghest; us. I told it to Flunky and said we needed to escape and she should be ready.

During the travel, we were accompanied by four drow warriors and the last part of the travel should have been taken overland, in a cart.


Now let's see what happens when you're forced to escape, when there's a hopelessly inept RPer beside you.

DM: You believe you're closing to the barghest's nest. You are sitting in a wooden cart, light is nearly nonexistant. You, Cenghiz, can see the Drov easily with your low-light vision. You, *sorcerer*, are barely able to see your hands.
Me: How's the layout?
DM: Strangely you both are sat close to the door. The Drow warriors' constant attention is on you.
Me: Hmm..
DM: *to the sorcerer* What are you doing?
Sorcerer: ..... Can I cast spells?
DM: Yes you can. You are shackled, so spells with somatic components are not accessable. But..
Me: I know how we can run I guess.. The door's locked?
DM: No, just barred. Seem you can easily remove the bar with a move action and the door will open itself. *Turning to the sorcerer* So, you're gonna cast a spell?
Sorcerer: What should I cast?
DM: I can't say. But it's common knowledge that Drow society messes with magic a lot. They won't be surprised easily.
Sorcerer: What are my spells?
DM: They are written on your character sheet.
Sorcerer: What does 'Doom' do?
DM: It grants a penalty to your foes.
Sorcerer: Hmm.. Can I use 'Daze'?
DM: *shuffles the player handbook* No.. It has a somatic component. But it doesn't matter, your character is sure the Drow warriors all have more than four hit-die.
Sorcerer: Drow are vulnerable to light, right. I cast 'light'?
Me: It produces torchlight. It wouldn't bother them a lot.
DM: Yes, it will just let you see inside the cart and alert the Drow.
Sorcerer: But it can harm them if I use it as a torch?
Me: You have actual spells for damage in your spell list for f**k's sake!
DM: Cenghiz! No, Sorcerer. It does not harm, it can't even burn paper.
Me: C'mon! I move before she tries all her spell list. I suddenly stare into a corner and say with disgust: "Eww... rats..". Shall I roll?
DM: Yes. Roll a bluff check. What language did you use?
Me: *after rolling high*.. Uh.. Normal elven. Not Sylvan. If they understand it, I got'em. I don't think they'll have that much in sense motive being stupid male warriors.
DM: All right. Seems all guards comprehend it. they look away. You two roll initiative. This is the surprise round.
Me: *rolls* 13.. With improved initiative and dex it's 21.
Sorcerer:.......
DM: Sorcerer. Roll initiative.
Sorcerer: Do I roll a d20?
DM: Yes. Then you add your dexterity modifier.. which is.. one.
Sorcerer: *rolls*
Me: All right. I go first. I push the bar up let the door slide open. I'll jump out next round.
DM: If you'll just jump, you can do it in the surprise round, too. Sorcerer?
Sorcerer: I cast, err.. There was a spell that opens locked doors.
Me: The door is wide open. The guards are still dumbfounded, looking away.
DM: Yes, the guards are flat-footed.
Sorcerer: So I can hit them more easily. Their armor class is lowered?
DM: They are in fullplate. I doubt you can hit them easily, or cause any substential damage.
Sorcerer: What does 'fog cloud' do?
Me: Jump down!
Sorcerer: Huh?
Me: JUMP.. DOWN! Four drow. The DM hinted they are more than four HD. They are in full-plate. We have nothing but our clothes. We are shackled and being taken to be eaten by a ****ing wolf-goblin. Jump down!

......

I later persuaded the DM to force her to make a warrior...

Regis
2009-09-25, 01:56 PM
Last year I played in a three man campaign with my dorm mates. I was playing a homebrew pirate class I found (on this site, I think) and got approved, my suite-mate was playing a Viking-esque fighter with a huge axe and a massive STR score, and my room-mate was playing a halfling rogue. Now, I had the most experience with the game at the time (which is to say, I'd actually played before. I don't want to imply that I know more than I do) so I'm not lying when I say that my character was the better built. The Viking fighter wasn't bad, either. He had some trouble hitting sometimes, but the damage he did was extreme. The problem was the rogue. The rogue with a 10 in DEX. The rogue with his 18 in CON, because he was so afraid of dying. That rogue. Over the course of the campaign he got us arrested three (3) times, chased out of town two (2) times, and nearly got us murdered countless (∞) times. He once burnt down a village because... well, because he wanted to, I guess. He eventually challenged my pirate to dominance of the ship. I won, he died, and replaced the halfling with a half-fiend paladin of an evil god, which was only allowed because the DM said we couldn't afford to have him leave the game. In order to sweeten the deal, the DM gave him demonic armor of some sort that let him blind and poison people with a melee touch attack.

I quit the game shortly thereafter.

Glass Mouse
2009-09-25, 01:57 PM
I've got a few.

First, there's Evandur. Just... Evandur. Evandur was a human paladin, who (apart from severe metagaming) once spent over twenty minutes one-side debating with the DM whether killing kobold children would be against the pally code. Out of character. Exclaiming "NO!! Wait, I have to figure out Evandur's reaction!" whenever any of us actually took any action to kill the kobolds or move on.
Best part is: Eventually, he gave up and proclaimed that Evandur would follow his friends' decision on the matter.


Then there's... let's just call him C. He's been playing with us for more than a year, he owns the basic books, and he apparently really appreciates playing. So why, for the life of him, doesn't he know what bonus to add to a regular melee attack? Why, every time, whenever he describes a new character, does he look at the sheet, then tell us about hair, eyes and skin tone... and neglects both race, clothing style and general impression, every time?
Sweet, sweet kid, though. Hopefully, he'll get better with age.


And of course, we have Blore. Oh, Blore. You must be the most incompetent rogue the world has ever seen (I sincerely have to wonder how you make a ROGUE so ineffective). He uses Tumble to death, yet has no ranks. He doesn't flank unless another player (who, incidently, is quite jerkish) tells him to. He doesn't sneak, he cannot listen or spot or search, he has no bearing on any fight, he cannot talk anyone into anything. Bluffing, I think, is the only thing he actually does well, and he hardly ever does this.
I sometimes seriously wonder if he has used ANY skill points at all.
However, the player is deeply attached to the character and refuse to play anything else, or even rework Blore's mechanics... so what can you do?


I'm not even gonna go into my own blaster sorcerer whose stupidity almost killed the entire party on several occasions. Now, she was a blast (haha) to play, but she annoyed the hell out of the other players. Good times.


Nope, bad players and characters aren't rare around these parts. At least, the players are generally decent people.

Totally Guy
2009-09-25, 02:20 PM
I'm pleased with myself.

I'm nowhere near as incompetent as all these people.

Not even that time I said that my monk could cross a pit of hot coals with nothing more than a concentration check. I mean I thought it was funny, how was I to know it would work and I'd be the only party member to cross unscathed?:smalltongue:

Sipex
2009-09-25, 02:58 PM
Oh I forgot about our rogue.

R'tas (yes, ripped from halo) once relieved his colon into a payment box for a tour industry when frustrated with the NPC admissions clerk who was a stereotypical apathetic teenager. The party got off the hook stating that he was very sick and since he was (he had caught filth fever from the encounter a day or two before this) they didn't have to roll bluff, only diplomacy.

Solaris
2009-09-25, 08:45 PM
I ran a fighter who failed to kill things most spectacularly indeed. The melee-oriented sorcerer (... surprisingly effective) was better than him. In hindsight, mounted combat wasn't a good focus.
At least he made a good meat-shield.
The one time I managed to find an encounter while we were on horseback, though... Ol' Goldblade managed to kill everything. I never rolled so many critical hits in my life. Pity it was against goblins.

Zergrusheddie
2009-09-25, 09:30 PM
A Druid. He screwed up something fierce and did such a completely terrible job at doing anything that I was accused of cheating by the same group when I made a Druid and was doing more damage than the SnB Fighter...

This Druid:
1. Did not have Natural Spell
2. Never used Wildshape except to maybe be a Hawk to go scout.
3. Never cast spells at any time. He basically made it to level 15 before using any spell that actually made a difference on an outcome of a fight. I think I was able to get a Barkskin out of him one time, and maybe a few Heals.
4. He never used an Animal Companion. He didn't get something out of not using one, he just didn't use one.
5. He was an archer build. At level 4 he was doing 1d8+2 and I think by level 15 he was doing 1d10+9

Best of luck y'all.
-Eddie

woodenbandman
2009-09-25, 09:50 PM
Forgot to mention that Rudski was a notorious cheater and never copped to it.

Raewyn
2009-09-25, 11:42 PM
Forgot to mention that Rudski was a notorious cheater and never copped to it.

I think my guy's cheating too (or it might just be math suckage), but he claimed to have a total of 30 on a critical Spot check. When the DM mentioned a -4 situational modifier, he suddenly had a 34... :confused:

The only effect it had on us was that *he* was able to spend an extra round running away (damn Fast Movement). However, that didn't prevent him from boasting about how incredibly awesome he was the rest of the night.

I suppose while I'm here, I'll mention another player who, while not terribly incompetent, did some stupid things and wound up getting on my nerves all the same.
He started playing with us in Eyes of the Lich Queen as an elf ninja. His main source of (near limitless) obnoxiousness is his engineering background, coupled with his tendency to ignore what was happening in combat. I once played WoW in the middle of a game (5E... er, 3.5E), and managed to figure out what was going on and adjudicate my actions faster than him. Every round (or at least every other round) wound up with him asking, "Wait, what's going on?" The 'engineer' part comes in when he would spend 1-2 minutes every round debating what the most optimal course of action was. Gott in Himmel, I wanted to punch him so badly. That character got brought down by Phantasmal Killer, at which point he started playing a rather forgettable... rogue, maybe? I have no idea.

Anyway, his most infuriating moments were when Boyfriend was DMing an d20 modern/3.5 fantasy game set in a GitS-esque universe.
- I was a Ranger/Rifleman (pretty cool Iron Kingdoms PrC). This was the game where I could run an instance (which I only did once) and still be effective, because my turns basically went, "Who's the closest enemy? I shoot him in the face. [rolls dice] [makes a hide check] [goes back to WoW]"
- He on the other hand, decided to play a monk.

We were tasked with rescuing a whole bunch of hostages from a building. The party managed to kill 6/7 kidnappers before reaching the vault where the hostages were being held (Coras (his monk) f'ed off somewhere while this was going on). Most of the hostages looked near about to wet themselves, but one guy was very grateful and eager to leave the vault. I'm sure you're all smart enough to realize that this is kidnapper 7/7. Meanwhile, Coras is miles away from all the action and eager to get back, so he BSes some purely contrived reasoning and dashes off to find the rest of the party. Meanwhile, K7/7 is pulling a pistol from his waist, so my sniper's logical reaction is to pull out her gun and shoot him first.

Cue a 2-minute Out-of Character argument between me and this goober as to why I should not pump his face full of lead. Eventually, I tell him to STFU and fire my 3 shots. K7 doesn't drop (stupid d20 modern guns) though he's terribly injured, so Coras feels compelled to contribute by... starting a grapple. I burn with the desire to shoot his stupid monk ass, but I shoulder my rifle because I'm nice like that. He says, "Maybe you should learn to shoot better." :furious:

The game died shortly after (it was a school-based group and summer started). We hoped to start it back up again, but the majority of the cool players had graduated, so we gave it a miss.

Unfortunately, I am not yet rid of this annoyance because he serendipitously decided to move in next door to us. And he's good friends with one of my roomies, so every Saturday he shows up like clockwork. In fact, he was talking about the arcanopunk game last session and how cool it was (the very game BF was seeking to revive as an internet-based game), but fortunately everyone present (people who were invited/invited back due to being awesome) was clever enough not to mention this development. :smallcool:
Wow, this thread is so darn cathartic.

¡Muchos gracias, TelemontTanthul!

Paulus
2009-09-25, 11:58 PM
snips

Hate to burst bubbles or poop parties around here, but it sure sounds a lot like most of the problem players were outright ignored in the problem behavior instead of having the whole group or just the DM intervene to talk with them and make them a better player. Now I'm not judging, just reminding, that most of these situations could have been avoided with some kind words instead of just outright blacklisting the player.

But then again I can also assume most of you actual did talk to them at some point and for some reason they chose not to listen or change, therefore, it doesn't apply to you. But I'll remind everyone before and after me just in case, in a friendly, polite kind of way. :3 Have fun!

Raewyn
2009-09-26, 12:13 AM
<snip> Most of these situations could have been avoided with some kind words instead of just outright blacklisting the player.

But then again I can also assume most of you actual did talk to them at some point and for some reason they chose not to listen or change, therefore, it doesn't apply to you. But I'll remind everyone before and after me just in case, in a friendly, polite kind of way. :3 Have fun!

Unfortunately (despite all evidence to the contrary), Billy is a grown man. I can comment to my heart's content, but I cannot change him into a better person, and my attempts to do so were basically driving me batty. So now I just try to let things slide, vent to my GitP buddies when I can't, and overall just sit back and watch the train wrecks happen.

Also regrettably, all three DMs I've played under are rather laid-back (but very nice) gentlemen, and during the Eyes of the Lich queen game and arcanopunk, I was an unmedicated depressive who could barely open my mouth around close friends, much less chastise an acquaintance for his obnoxious behavior. BF did speak with Coras on multiple occasions about speeding up his turns, contemplating his next action before his turn was up, and in general keeping apprised of the combat situation, but this advice went unheeded.

Basically, I play D&D to relax. For the past month or two, I've been adventuring with three bards and a (sometimes present) sorcerer, and all of them basically sat back and watched me kill things. (Don't worry - they stopped once the DM gave it to them straight, that this party composition was not likely to make it to mid/high level play.)

Why in the name of all that is holy and good would I want to add more stress to my life by inviting a known troublemaker into my (finally settled) group?

(Sorry, didn't mean to rebut so strongly, but I was feeling defensive. :smallredface:)

Dixieboy
2009-09-26, 12:18 AM
And he could never remember the rules. ("How many dice do I roll?" "What's my initiative?") The best was when he tried to convince the ST that he had a Merit that let him automatically go first in any combat. (What it really did was say when he tied another character - ally or enemy - on initiative, he always went before them.)

Not remembering all the rules in WoD is acceptable, most people don't.

Sir_Elderberry
2009-09-26, 12:23 AM
Hrm, much of my gaming is at a take-all-comers comic/gaming store thing, which is fine, as it keeps me playing D&D when I otherwise would be all alone with my dice. However, it does tend to invite some...unfortunate people. This is all 4e.

I have seen a wizard who used nothing but magic missile. I was playing my wizard at the time, and broke an encounter with web, color sprayed to great effectiveness, etc. I was hoping I'd rub off on him; I haven't.

There's also the rogue who had to be continually instructed to move into flank, didn't seem to understand what combat advantage was, and also cheated.

And there are people who bring families, which is fine, I'm all for spreading the hobby to younger generations--hey, I'm seventeen, there are definitely people there who think I'm too immature or whatever. But all the same, you get an eight year old girl playing a ranger who clearly doesn't know or care about the game, drawing some intricate flowers on the back of her character sheet and, when her turn comes up, rolls her Twin Strike dice and moves on. Sometimes, it's best to wait a few years.

herrhauptmann
2009-09-26, 12:28 AM
A level 3 game in a party that was way too huge.
One cleric (half elf, cleric of Kelemvor) NEVER healed the party members. Unless you said "Dude, heal me, I'm at 4 hit points" So he'd go and give you a cure minor, sometimes light.
He channeled good energy, but never used any healing spells but those he prepped. Most of his spell choices sucked, like Deathknell.
We were in a fight with a psionic party, having a lot of trouble. Bad rolls on our parts, and the psions were just very well built. Also, one of the party members kept wandering to other parts of the game room to play Human vs Zombie.
My chain fighter was managing to trip one of the psionic warriors, but had a tendency to roll a 2 when it came to the followup attack.
Cleric goes, "Why bother trying to attack them, you guys keep missing, and I've only got a 10 strength. So no way I can hit them" The neanderthal goes, "Stand next to that tripped guy so you get the AOO, or I will hit YOU."
"Your character will hit mine? He's nowhere near me"
"No, I will reach over and hit you."
So cleric goes over, with much grumbling, and promptly gets a crit. With his dagger.

That cleric also spent almost half his gold on a tiny Lantanese holdout pistol. His point was to use it only when he was in a situation that would require it, like being grappled. (he didn't even try to use it when he got picked up by a giant ant) He also wasted a feat on pointblank shot, or something else for that pistol
****
Same party, we were on a mission to stop a messenger at a meeting point 4 days travel. All 3 arcane casters (2 wizards and a sorc) brought only 3 days of trail rations. But one was heavily encumbered with all of his unspent gold.
****
The rogue, a new player. Early on learned to sit near one of the warriors so he could ask us for advice. We had a char building session before we started playing. Forgot the advice to buy a ranged weapon.
Midway through the first adventure, realizes he has no way of attacking at range, so he loots a heavy crossbow. And forgets to get the bolts.

Paulus
2009-09-26, 12:45 AM
(Sorry, didn't mean to rebut so strongly, but I was feeling defensive. :smallredface:)

No worries, I have armor on.

Just like to point out that people often forget the person behind the bad player/character. And I don't see many of them improving or getting better in these posts. Which makes me wonder if anybody even tried, after all, it usually works. Which can even lessen the stress and make the game more fun for everyone! But, again I'm not accusing, just reminding. Sorry if it sounded like an attack!

Dixieboy
2009-09-26, 12:50 AM
A level 3 game in a party that was way too huge.
One cleric (half elf, cleric of Kelemvor) NEVER healed the party members. Unless you said "Dude, heal me, I'm at 4 hit points" So he'd go and give you a cure minor, sometimes light.
He channeled good energy, but never used any healing spells but those he prepped. Most of his spell choices sucked, like Deathknell..

This part sounds totally in character for a cleric of Kelemvor. :smallwink:

TelemontTanthul
2009-09-26, 01:15 AM
¡Muchos gracias, TelemontTanthul!

You are welcome Raewyn! I think it was a one hit wonder though, since my other thread "Most Dramatic Moment" hasn't really taken off quite so much. Lots of views, few posts.

A few notes on all this.

On the debate about "People not trying to help the other player"
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I think it is safe to assume that most people would try and persuade someone to improve in some way or another. For example, a kid I knew, Luaii, NEVER seemed to learn the rules, and he played for several months. I think there are just people out there that just can't catch on very well. Granted, it IS a lot of rules to learn, most people however, DO learn them within a few sessions.

The exclusion of people is based on an entirely different story. Sometimes there are people that just don't get along, and I fully understand that. Evan, our hapless Cleric of fame, was legitimately a jerk in many ways, though we tolerated him because... well he was our only cleric...

I think most parties have at least one Evan, where he either doesn't really get along with the actual people he is playing with, or he just can't seem to memorize the rules of the game.

Enough of that though.

BRING ON MORE TALES. I have been enjoying many of your posts, and I look forward to seeing more.

herrhauptmann
2009-09-26, 01:21 AM
This part sounds totally in character for a cleric of Kelemvor. :smallwink:

I thought they were just against raising people from the dead, or animating them as undead.
Deathknell was obviously prepared in case a party member hit negatives, because he never used it on enemies that hit negatives.

hotel_papa
2009-09-26, 01:44 AM
Easily, the most incompetant character was the dragonwrought kobold ninja that never cared to buff wisdom or dexterity because she wanted the full Array of the Manticore. She was winged and fought exclusivly with shurikens. Died. Often.

The unluckiest player was her boyfriend. His luck is legendarily bad. Doesn't matter what game, character or dice. He rolls ones like he's getting paid for it.

The worst player is the guy who smells like beef jerky mixed with diesel fumes, cheats, and is entirely unwilling to let anyone outperform him in ANY niche, matter what character. Playing a rogue? He wants to sneak with you, reguardless of the consequences of giving your position away. A fighter? Wait, what does "liability" mean? But I rolled a 37! I don't know how, but I did. I don't care if it's impossible, DON'T CALL ME A LIAR!!!

herrhauptmann
2009-09-26, 01:52 AM
It's not 'most incompetent player' but one of my 4E characters sucks.
He's got decent powers, and I play him fairly intelligently in combat. His roleplay is rather more of Howard's Conan, rather than the movie Conan.

But my average roll with this character is usually a 5.

After that we finish that LFR module and play a higher level one.

I pull out my fighter, and start rolling 19s and 20s.