Paranoia: Trust No One

[Lycan 01]

Deep in Alpha Complex, six people people have just been given the title of Troubleshooter. With this title comes Red Clearance Level, the associated perks of being "Red Level," and the responsibility of hunting down trouble and shooting it. The one who determines what the trouble is would by the Computer, overlord of Alpha Complex and the friend of all who live there, especially the brand-spankin' new Troubleshooters.

The Troubleshooters in question have all just been dropped into cushy red seats through holes in the ceiling, having endured a lovely journey down a series of transportation tubes. At any rate, the six of them are now sitting in red seats one one side of white room, which also has white floors and a white ceiling. There are two doors in on the opposite side of the room - one red, one white - with a large screen between them. There's also a large table in the center of the room.

On the table lie three things. The first thing sits in the direct center of the table - an orange folder. To the right of the folder, a platter upon which sit six glass containers, each one holding a dark-colored beverage, sans ice. Some might recognize this as "soda," a treat reserved for Red Levels which they've never gotten to taste before. To the left of the folder is a platter of something else they've never been allowed access to, either - Tacos.

The screen on the opposite side of the room suddenly flickers to life. The image of a giant eyeball with a blue iris appears, and it quickly looks back and forth over the newly appointed Troubleshooters. From speakers located in an unknown location erupt the words: "Congratulations! Let me, Friend Computer, be the first to congratulate you on your ascent to Red Level Clearance! I have provided you with a taste of what you'll now be experiencing, as well as your orders! Oh yes, that's right. You can't just sit back and enjoy the perks of being Red Level without having to work for it. Otherwise you'd just be a parasite. Or a Communist!" the eye trembles slightly, and then steadies itself. "At any rate, feel free to enjoy these tasty treats! The beverages are called soda - root beer, to be precise. And the food I've provided is known as a taco - soft shelled, with beef and cheese. And once you're done with those, I'd suggest you examine your orders - don't eat them. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, do not hesitate to ask them! I'll answer them without delay, because I'm your Friend. Enjoy your meal, and good luck with the mission! You'll need it..." And with that, the screen flicks off and goes dark.

[Aemoth]

Bob falls into his chair and is almost instantly drawn to the soda and tacos. The intoxicating aroma of beef, cheese, and warming soda pop scream out to him and inflame his senses. When the large screen comes to life and begins speaking he jumps in fright and quickly grabs hold of his lead pipe defensively as if the giant eyeball might spring forth and attack him. As Computer speaks to him he relaxes slightly and lowers his pipe, after all who wouldn't trust such a friendly computer?

With the Computer finishing it's statement he returns his attention to the taco's and root beer.

[Verruckt]

Cletus' reaction mirrors Bob's, first eying the gently steaming tacos and delightfully foamy root beer, then clutching at a Very Large Knife, then relaxing and gaping at the food again. He looks very much like he is wishing he had three arms at the moment, so as to grab a drink, a taco and the folder all at once. As it is he nabs a taco and begins munching.

The resultant flavor shock leaves him nearly slobbering on the table as seasoned beef takes over his mind.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-01

Bruno does not care for the root beer, not at all. But since the computer is his friend, he'll drink it anyway. The taco's on the other hand are delicious. He quickly grabs 3 of them and starts to eat them as fast as he can hoping to be able to grab a 4th or even 5th before duty calls.
Trying desperatly not to spill any taco or root beer on his orders, he starts reading them while continuing to squeeze more taco's into his mouth and chewing them down as fast as he can.
He doesn't seem to notice either the fact that he's got lettuce in his moustache or the fact that there are other people in the room.

[Krrth]

R-Den-01


R-Den-1 sat back and watched the others. They were fools to rush in. Perhaps they would be useful fools, but they were most definitely dangerous ones. He restrained himself to one root-beer.

Noticing R-Bruno-01 opening the Orange folder, R-Den-01 calmly pulls out his gun and shoots him.

Traitor! We're not cleared for that information!

[Macabre9037]

R-Wesley-1 stared blankly at R-Den-1 and quickly scribbles in his notebook before reaching out to possess one of the delicious looking tacos, it was less than amazing yet he ate it graciously, idly wondering if they had the clearance to eat orange cheese before banishing the silly thought...he did however scribble this in his notes.

[Aemoth]

R-Bob-1 stares blankly at Den for a brief moment before smiling that oh, so simple minded smile of his. "Mh-mh-mh-my thanks for tha' quick work." Bob brushes some of the taco and gore off his arm. "I was fixin' to do tha' m'self."

[Verruckt]

Cletus has his Very Large Knife half way out of its sheath when R-Den-1 does his job for him. He simply shrugs and slides the foot and a half long blade into its sheath.

He then looks with mild horror at what might be brain matter in his taco shell. He contemplates setting down the now befouled food, but doesn't wish to offend Computer, Computer is his friend, so he scarfs the remainder anyway.

"Ahm, Friend Computer, where are these "orders", this here folder seems a might above our clearance?"

[Lycan 01]

OOC: There's no lettuce on the tacos - just beef and cheese. :smalltongue: And I'll handle the entrance of new clones... Btw, nice crit, Krrth. But you just committed murder...

---


In a show of skilled marksmanship, R-Den-1 draws his laser pistol and zaps R-Bruno-1 right between the eyes. The red beam of energy burrows into his skull, which almost instantly explodes into a cloud of sparks, burnt flesh, charred bone, and flaming bits of brain. R-Bruno-1's suddenly headless corpse stays standing for a moment, then sways and falls forward onto the floor. A conviently placed trap-door opens beneath it, and the body dissappears into a dark abyss, never to be seen again.

A few seconds later, R-Bruno-2 drops from a hole in the ceiling, back into the red chair his former persona originally landed in.

The screen suddenly flickers to life, and the scrying eye of Friend Computer appears. "R-Den-1, I'm afraid you shot your teammate for the wrong reason. That folder isn't Orange Level Clearance - its just an orange folder. So unless you can give a better reason as to why you killed my friend-" Four laser turrets suddenly pop out of the ceiling in all four corners of the room, and a mini-gun rises up out of the center of the table. They all swivel to face R-Den-1. "You'll have to face the punishment for murder." The Computer then turns its gaze to R-Cletus-1. "I have no problems with you reading the orders, Friend. Although... did you just eat part of your teammate?"

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-02

Thank you, friend computer, for clearing up this grave misunderstanding.
I was absolutely shocked to hear that R-Den-1 would disobey a direct order from you to examine our assignments.
Well, the shock did not last very long though, because my brain exploded.
Now, before i was so crudely interrupted, i was trying to read these orders.
Quite well written orders to i must say, although i was only able to glance at them briefly before brain-matter spilled all over my tacos.

R-Bruno-02 grabs the folder from R-Bruno-01's dead hands before the clean-o-bot7000 has a chance to drag of the body and clear the blood and brain-matter.
He also grabs some new tacos, without any former human flesh on it.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-02

Quite surprised that his old body disappeared so fast, he picks up the folder from the ground. "Amazingly efficient, friend computer, the room cleaning service at red level is much better than at infrared level."
"Still odd", he thinks to himself, "i could have sworn my body was here two seconds ago..."
He proceeds to read the folder.

[Verruckt]

Cletus is afraid. Cletus wants to read the orders, Cletus also wants to not die. Cletus didn't mean to eat human brains... they just sorta landed there. Heck, maybe they weren't brains, maybe it was just odd beef! He liked the odd beef idea, but he is worried that he is wrong, and that if he tells Friend Computer the wrong answer he'll get the Minigun treatment. Cletus does not want the Minigun treatment, so he does the best he can.

"No Yes?"

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-02

"Relax, not-such-a-good-friend-as-the-computer-but-still-a-friend Cletus, the computer ordered us to read our assignements and that is what we will do. The fact that one traitorous mind refused to read his assignment and even tried to withhold friend computer-written assignement papers (very well written papers, friend computer!) from being read by the rest of us loyal red clearance troubleshooters is nothing to be worried about.
As a matter of fact, friend computer, i am obliged by your very own laws to point out that by refusing to obey your orders, R-Den-1 is a traitor.
He may also be a communist, but since there is no proof for that i will not accuse him of that heinous crime."

And after all this monologuing, Bruno AGAIN starts reading the assignment folder, hoping to please his friend the computer even more.

"Amazing writing, friend computer, your vocabulary is astonishing. But i would expect nothing else from one as perfect as you. You are truly a good friend"

[Krrth]

R-Den-1

*Snapping to attention*

Of course friend computer! There were several factors that factored into my decision.

First, the Clone violated the standards of cleanliness as set down by Vulture Kill-Bot #23431, which is currently assigned to washroom station #453. As you know, the penalty for such violation includes anything up to summery execution.

Said clone also showed a striking disregard for the correct usage of Computer Property by trying to eat and drink over the orders. Computer Property could have been damaged! Misuse of Computer Property is a treaosnous offense!

Third, he was hogging the Tacos which you so graciously provided to the group.

If I erred in judgment, I deserve the penalty. All I ask is that I be allowed to remove all computer property so that it does not become damaged in what would be a well deserved execution.

[Macabre9037]

R-Wesley-1 leans over Bruno's shoulder to read the assignment in the folder, scribbling notes as he did so, he glanced over and saw the computers many mini-guns pointing at the various people and kindly steps back to allow his friend, the computer to do what must be done. Very greatful he has such a good friend. He was happy to see the computer do his job, though sad all the tacos were gone or covered in human meat splatter, he had grown to like tacos, this worried him slightly.

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-2 suddenly realizes that the words "FOR TEAM LEADER'S EYES ONLY" are printed at the bottom of the last page. At that exact moment, the room gets a whole lot brighter.

The first barrage is aimed at R-Den-1. The laser turrets open fire, but their shots miss him, a few by mere centimeters. However, due to his close proximity to the table, the minigun does not miss. It fires a short burst into him at point blank range, and R-Den-1's chest turns inside out.

The guns then swivel around to aim at R-Bruno-2. Three of the laser guns miss, and the minigun only manages to grze him, but one burst of laser fire catches him in the head, instantly incenerating his lower jaw. He lets out a garbled scream, and then dies of shock.

Finally the guns bring their attention to R-Cletus-1. Most of the shots miss, but two bursts of laser fire catch him in the stomach. The Team Leader is bissected by the energy beams, and the force of the impact sends his upper body spiralling into the air like a morbid spinning top toy.

After a few seconds, several trap-doors open, and the remains of the dead clones plummet out of existance. As the smoke clears, the R-Den-2, R-Bruno-3, and R-Cletus-2 drop into the room.

"Ahem..." the Computer calls their attention. Bruno, you read information that you were not allowed access to. And you were also "hogging" the tacos, it seems. Den, you lied to me - Vulture Kill-Bot #23431 is currently assigned to washroom station #354. And the files were laminated, to avoid the risk of food spillage - if you'd have been more attentive, we could have avoided all of this. And Cletus, you tried to trick me, instead of being honest. Thats not what friends do..." the Computer sighs sadly. "You also allowed all of this chaos to happen under your command, which is a bad reflection of your leadership skills."

[Verruckt]

Straightening himself out in his seat R-Cletus-2 looks up and speaks

"Deepest apologies Friend Computer, that were not my intention so to say. I will be forever honest Friend Computer, and I will do my damnedest to be the best leader for these here men I can be, because you command it, and you are my Friend."

With that, Cletus begins to read his orders, offering various platitudes to Computer's skillful use of syntax as he does so.

"Well boys, looks like we have a... dare I say, a club on our hands."

He pauses for the doubtlessly resultant gasps and outbursts.

"This club has created a downright devious means of hiding things inside quilts, and as trouble shooters, it is our duty to find them and shoot them in the middle of the face. Can I trust you to do this?"

[Krrth]

R-Den-02


*Den shakes his head to clear the shock of the fall*


I apologize, friend Computer. It seems I mixed up the washrooms. I will endeavor to keep it happening again.

*Standing and turning to our Glorious Leader*


Indeed you can Sir!

[Macabre9037]

I vow to aim for the dead center of their anti-computer faces, any enemy of my friend is an enemy of mine.

"Snaps a salute"

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"Obviously we will shoot them Captain Cletus, but it might be so that we shoot them to the side of the face or even in the chest, wichever is the most efficient at the time of the shooting.
Oh, and Captain, do you perhaps have some more information on how to recognize these deviants? We must make sure we efficiently shoot them all without missing a single one."

[Verruckt]

"Of course Bruno, shoot them wherever you like, so long as you get around to shooting them in the face at some point. As to who they are, Friend Computer has seen fit to clear us that they are Red Level Elderly women. Our first lead is to proceed to one "Burt's Quilting Emporium" for further information."

[Aemoth]

R-Bob-1 levels his oversized shotgun at R-Den-1 as he comments about sharing the taco's for the good of the group. "Commu-" His word and actions are cut short as the computer efficiently deals with the situation.

Again Bob stares blankly as the events happen in a matter of seconds. As the bodies drop through the floor and the new clones re-enter Bob can only smile and turn to consult the computer. "Frien' Computer, You want us ta destroy them quilts too? I can't wait to put out your most friendly orders, Jus' hopin' we can do more ta help ya!"

[Lycan 01]

R-Den-02

I apologize, friend Computer. It seems I mixed up the washrooms. I will endeavor to keep it happening again.



"YOU DARE TO GO CHALLENGE THE ORDER OF MY CITY?!" the Computer's voice suddenly booms from the unseen speakers, and the eyeball on the screen begins to tremble and become slightly bloodshot.

Almost instantly, a large trap-door opens behind R-Den-2. The hole it reveals is filled with water. Deep, dark blue water. Before anyone can react, a Great White Shark lunges up from beneath the water, and tries to bite into the hapless Troubleshooter. However, he's not close enough for it to easily grab him, and he manages to dive out of the way... mostly. Its jaws close around his right boot, and with an unholy snap the foot is torn from its leg. The shark falls back into the water, and the trap-door closes back up.

R-Den-2 is left squirming on the floor, bleeding profusely from the stump of his leg, which has been amputated slightly below the knee. Blood is spraying everywhere, needless to say. "I suppose that is punishment enough... Hm? Oh, why do you have to make such a mess? You're getting yout traitorous blood all over Computer property. Try to be a bit more careful, or I'll have to charge you with Vandalism... Medic, see if you can help him with that..." the Computer cheerfully suggests. "And Bob, you may destroy the quilts if you find they are of traitorous purpose. If they are not... let me see what sort of pretty patterns they have."

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno sees R-Den-02 fall to the ground bleeding from a part of his body where his leg used to be.
He does his very best to first and foremost stop the bleeding, because he does not want computer property damaged.
Quickly putting some bandages around the leg he succeeds at his task, the bleeding is stopped.
He than proceeds to pull out his Cat o' Nine Tails with morfine injectors and starts whipping Den with it to sedate him.

"Hold Still" he says.

WHIP!

This will only...

WHIP!

...be a few...

WHIP!

....seconds.


After sedating Den thoroughly, he does the thing all medical personel does to save the life of a patient.
He starts banging with his fists on the chest of R-Den-02 while yelling:
"Live dammit! LIVE! Don't leave me like this please! LIVE DAMMIT!".

His efforts fail....

Friend computer, i seem to have some difficulties saving his life.
Although i was able to stop the bleeding, so your property will not be damaged again. So all ends well i think.
Perhaps you could order one of the other people in this room to give R-Den-02 the shot of mercy, friend computer? His crying while dying from rippedoflegyllis might disturb this truly important mission. Although if you have an extremely intelligent DocBot, it might be able to save him with a lot of effort. I am sadly only a medic, friend computer.


Oh, and one more thing, friend computer.
I must point out to you that a person in this room known as R-Wesley-1 was also reading information he was not allowed acces too.
While my previous clone (who was rightly punished for his crime, friend computer) was reading the folder labeled "FOR TEAM LEADER'S EYES ONLY" he was looking down over my shoulder reading the folder and taking notes of the assignment that was for team leader's eyes only.
If you have security cameras present in this room you could easily see him do this. Or if you have a BBCSU mark 18 nearby he could search the body of R-Wesley-1.


A BBCSU mark 18 would be a Body and BodyCavity Search Unit mark 18. Have fun with your new friend Wesley :smallsmile:

While giving the computer some time to think, he turns to Captain Cletus.




Captain, as the team medic i must point out that elderly women are best shot in the brain to kill them. The best part of the brain to aim your shooting at would be 2 centimeters above the left eye. This will destroy their Good-Old-Days-hypocenter, the source of elderly ladies vileness.

[Aemoth]

Bob walks up and stands over R-Bruno-3.

"Ah ta 'ell with this!" He pulls his massive shotgun out and levels it at Den's head. "Dearest Frien' Computer, May I have 'da rights ta deal wit' dis mess? 'E is holdin' up our mission an' we need ta stop beatin' round da bush 'ere. . . 'es a traitor and while we try 'un save him them old geezers be makin more quilts by da minute!" R-Bob-1 pulls the hammer back on the shotgun as he awaits the command.

[Lycan 01]

OOC: Steckie, you should have made rolls for medicine to treat the wound, and a roll to successfully whip Krrth. But I'll let it slide for storytelling...

---

The image of the eye on the screen begins to look back and forth between the Troubleshooters. "Hm... You both seem to make very good points. R-Bruno-3, I trust your expert medical opinion. The Shot of Mercy it is! R-Bob-1, I hereby entrust the responsibility of treating R-Den-2 with The Shot of Mercy unto you. Please do not dissappoint me, dear friend.

The eye then locks upon R-Wesley-1. "Loyalty Officer, is it true that you read the files which were for the Team Leader's eyes only? Its okay, you can be honest with me. I'm your Friend..." the Computer says kindly.

[Aemoth]

Bob gleefully pulls the trigger three times and fires several large slugs point blank into the face of R-Den-2. The now defunct clones face turns inside out as the force of the impact sprays brain, skull, and other matter out across the room. Bob, who had been standing behind Bruno at the time, frowns as he notices a bit of gray matter splattered on the leg of his red overalls.

"Frien' computer, we have a cleanlinezz officzar?"

[Lycan 01]

"I'm sorry, R-Bob-1, but Cleanliness Officers are not available for this mission. None of you have the Clearance Level for their equipment..." the Computer explains. Suddenly two more shots ring out as R-Bob-1 fires another set of shells into the twitching body of R-Den-2. The first shot blows away what was left of the skull, and the second shot manages to blow a rather noticeable hole in the floor. "R-Bob-1, did you just destroy Computer property?!" the Computer suddenly exclaims as the image of the eye begins to tremble once again.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Friend computer, i may have something that will help us speed up this whole situation. Your friendly neighbourhood R&D professors gave me a whole box of Reanimation Syringes. If you permit me to use one of them on R-Den-02 it will speed up our business here while saving you, my friend the computer, valuable resources and electricity from not having to send a new clone this way. It is an efficient solution for all of us!

this next section will only happen if the computer gives his ok

Bruno grabs a needle from the box of Reanimation Syringes. He taps it like he has seen his medical officer trainer O-GeorgCloney-31 do and plunges it straight into R-Den-02's body.

I do hope this does not have some nasty side-effects, friend computer.
If there are strange effects it might be necessary to give the R&D section some punishment. Though i would obviously not dare to suggest to you, my friend, what you are to do.

[Lycan 01]

Having been injected with the Syrum, the body of R-Den-2 begins to twitch and writhe. One hand reaches up and begins to claw at the air, while the foot begins to claw violently. The whole body gives one final spasm, and then drops limp.

"Hm..." the Computer muses. "That was a nice try, Medic. But I'm afraid you waited too long, and the effects were not strong enough. An honest mistake, of course. I'll send in the next clone..."

A trap-door opens beneath the corpse of R-Den-2, and it drops from sight. A few seconds later, R-Den-3 drops from the ceiling into one of the red chairs in the room.

"Now then," the Computer growls. "I'm still waiting on answers from R-Bob-1 and R-Wesley-1 as to their actions..."

[Aemoth]

Bob kneels down and runs his hand across the hole."Dearest Frien' Computer, I diddent mean ta' destroy your property. I was always told, 'Is alot easier ta let the cat outa da bag than ta put it back in.' Bassily, it's easier to make sure 'e is dead 'dan ta' let 'em waller and have ta come back and deal wit' 'im."

Bob stands once more and breaks open the shotgun to reload it. "Dat and 'dis thing aint too accurate like dem lazers. It sure does hurt them traitors 'doe!"

[Macabre9037]

In my defense friend computer, I did not read the files as I saw they were marked for LEADERS EYES ONLY, and I pulled back as to not obstruct your dealings with the traitorous clones, however you are my friend and I know if you do chooose to punish me it will be fair and just, a friend would not be unjust.

*Smiles sheepishly at the giant eyeball, trying to be charming*

[Lycan 01]

The Computer studies R-Wesley-1 for a few seconds. Suddenly the eyeball on the screen begins to shudder, and the pupil dialates repeatedly. It then returns its focus to R-Wesley-1. "Loyalty Officer, my review of footage from earlier shows you looking at the orders over R-Bruno-2's shoulders, and your eye movement indicates the act of reading. You lied to me..." the Computer sighs sadly. It then turns its attention to R-Bob-1. "While I admire your will to get things done, your overzealous actions caused destruction of Computer property. You say it was an accident, but you also say you were trying to kill somebody who was obviously already dead. That isn't an accident - that's collateral damage. And we can't efford to have that, can we, Friend?" the Computer cheefully explains. "I am sorry, but I must punish both of you. And to ensure that the punishment is properly executed, I will adopt the tactic you advised, R-Bob-1: There's no kill like overkill."


The large trap-door opens back up, once again revealing a hole full of deep, blue water. The Great White Shark suddenly splashes up from its aquatic lair, lunging at R-Bob-1 and R-Wesley-1. R-Bob-1 manages to dive out of the way, but R-Wesley-1 is not as lucky. The shark catches him in its jaws, and proceeds to bite down on the screaming Troubleshooter. The shark thrashes him around a few times, and slams him against the floor once or twice for good measure. It then draws back into the water, R-Wesley-1's still-squirming form with it. The trap-door then closes shut again.

R-Bob-1 believes himself to have escaped, but only for a moment. The four laser cannons suddenly drop back down from the four corners of the ceiling, and the minigun rises back up from the table. In an instant, R-Bob-1 is transformed into a pile of burnt meat chunks on the ground and a fine pink mist in the air. Another conviently placed trap-door removes the charred remains from the room a few seconds later, while the pink mist is left to float for awhile.

Moments later, R-Bob-2 and R-Wesley-2 drop in to join their fellow Troubleshooters. "Excellent. Now, unless there's something else you need, I'd suggest you hurry off to Burt's Quilt Emporium..." the Computer advises.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-01

Thank you, friend computer, that was a valuable lesson for all of us.
Captain Cletus, could you lead the way to Burt's Quilt Emporium as you were the only one cleared to have read this information.

[Verruckt]

Cletus lightens up at the prospect of actually leaving this room without dying again.

"Yes indeed Friend Bruno. Everyone grab one last taco or rootbeer and let's head out."

[Macabre9037]

Lets head off to do this chore for our very best friend the COmputer! Wouldn't want to keep a friend waiting of course.

R-Wesley-2 springs from the chair and crosses tthe room, eager to perform the task at hand.

[Krrth]

R-Den-03

Of course Sir.

*R-Den-03 quickly obeys his leader by grabbing one last drink of his root beer and follows his leader out the door*

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno, having been killed for hogging tacos earlier, decides not to grab a last one, but just follows Captain Cletus to the place in question.

"Thank you for a delightfull and informative day, friend computer, i learned a great deal about how to act with red level clearance."

[Lycan 01]

"I'm sorry, but your Team Leader has given you all an order..." the Computer states in a warning tone. The minigun pops up from the table again, and quickly rotates back and forth from the tacos to the root beer, and then to the Troubleshooters. "Eat, drink, and be merry!" it chimes, not bothered at all by the blood on the tacos and the brain matter floating in the root beer.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03
Bruno quickly turns back to the table, grabs a random root beer and taco and while ignoring the possible parts of human remains starts to eat and drink.

"Friend computer, i am eating and drinking as ordered. Is being merry from having the privilige to obey orders and serve as troubleshooters merry enough or do you prefer even more merryness?
I could burst into random song, if that would be merry enough to be sure i have obeyed the order from Captain Cletus."

[Verruckt]

Cletus was just shouldering his lasrifle so as to reprimand Bruno and Wesley for their lack of food or drink when the ever wise Friend Computer did his job for him. Wishing to set a good example for his men he slings his rifle and takes a taco and a root beer in hand. He leads his troops to that dreaded den of iniquity, Burt's Quilting Emporium. As he heads for the door he turns to R-Den-03

"Close-but-not-quite-as-good-a-Friend-as-Friend-Computer Den, as Happiness Officer I need you to inspire the merriment that Friend Computer has wisely ordered us to engage in. If we are not Merry, we are not Happy, and that would be disobeying a well thought out and just imperative from Friend Computer. To this degree, when not talking or in a situation that requires silence, this group is to be singing merry songs in praise of Friend Computer, and if at all possible is to move by skipping happily, or if this is impractical simply jog, walk, run or crawl in a manner that could be seen as Jaunty. Do you get me?"

[Krrth]

R-Den-03

*Reaching into his pocket R-Den-03 pulls out his bottle of Happy pills.

Of course Sir! These pills, which were so kindly issued by our Good Friend Computer, should do the job!

*opening the bottle, he hands one pill to each member of the party.*

Take this please!

*R-Den-03 swallows his pill*

[Lycan 01]

OOC: Ahem... In order to get to Burt's Quilting Emporium, you need to decide how you'll be getting there. First... which door will ya'll take? Red or white? :smallconfused:

Second, the distance is quite far. You'll have to take a tram-line, more than likely. There should be one relatively close by, of course...

[Verruckt]

OOC: Woops, right then.

Cletus pops his pill dutifully and makes for the Red door, skipping lightly as he goes and humming the first few bars to the Battle Hymn of the Computer.

"Follow me men, We'll need to find some conveyance to our destination."

[Krrth]

R-Den-03 (and the Illusion named "Joshua").

*Joshua skips happily towards the door singing praises to the Computer somewhat off key

Meanwhile, R-Den-03 does the same.*

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno accepts the pill from R-Den-03 and immediately eats it.
"Thank you, Den, for this little pill of pure pleasure.

Captain Cletus, are we cleared to exit trough the red door or through the white door?
Oh, and another question Captain, could we ride the tram please? It would increase my happiness with 11%! We could engage the other tramriders in random dancing while singing the Battle Hymn of the Computer."

Suddenly Bruno sees a man named "Joshua" skipping around in the room and singing a song of praise to the computer. He listenes better, and yes indeed, the singer is a bit off key.

"You! You are not cleared to be in this room! And you are singing a song of praise to the computer OFF KEY!
TRAITOR!
COMMUNIST!
You will not defile this happy, happy room of my friend the computer any more."

He than pulls out his Power Fist to attempt to kill this "Joshua".

[Verruckt]

"I believe we are in fact cleared for the Red Door friend Bruno, and yes, I believe a tram would be the best way to go about our duty... who are you shouting at? Friend Bruno, are you becoming delusional?"

Cletus sighs and begns to haul out his Very Large Knife, afraid he may have to carve the delusion out of R-Bruno-03 if he doesn't straighten up.

[Lycan 01]

The man known as Joshua, who somehow managed to sneak into the room without detection or proper clearance, looks up at R-Bruno-3 with a look of horror on his face. But before he can react, R-Bruno-3 leaps into the air and brings his Power Fist down upon the intruder with devastating brutality. The impact of what is best described as a hydrolic boxing glove doesn't just rearrange Joshua's face - it removes it. R-Bruno-3's Power Fist strike successfully removes Joshua's face from his skull, and the intruder runs without the front of his head while around making gurgling screams for a few seconds before falling to the ground and going into a shock. After a short siezure, he finally dies, and is removed from the room via trap-door.

"Well..." the Computer muses, "That was random..."

[Verruckt]

Cletus spots this Joshua person, but can't get a good look at his face. At first because Bruno was blocking his view, and then because he didn't have one. He replaces his Very Large Knife for the second time today and claps Bruno on the back.

"Good job friend Bruno, that man almost certainly did not have clearance. Now, there's no sense talking when there's trouble shooting to do, and Computers earlier justice is making me glad I'm not you. Let's be about our orders!"

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"No, no, it was no delusion, Captain Cletus. It was a traitor and a communist!
But it is odd that you did not see him skip or hear him sing off key.
Perhaps you have a medical condition? Perhaps i should check you to see if you are not in danger."

He than rummages in his MedPac to look for a very big needle to stick into Cletus' eyes and ears.
He thinks for a moment and than puts his MedPac away again.

"I believe the elderly ladies are more urgent at this time, they are more dangerous than eye or ear damage. I will check your eyes and ears after we return triomphant from our assignment.
Unless friend computer orders me to do the research here and now i think it is best we proceed happilly to the trams and be on our way to start shooting trouble.

Besides, if you become a problem to friend computers resources we could always just shoot you and remove the problem completely, don't you agree Captain Cletus?"

[Verruckt]

Cletus opens his mouth to explain and nearly points at Joshua's corpse as evidence when he realizes the body is already gone. He shakes his head and skips to the end of the conversation.

"Indeed that would be proper Medic Bruno, and shall come to pass if such defects present themselves, but we tarry to long. There are traitors about with intact faces, and we are taking time we could be using for Merriment, so as to please Friend Computer. Onward! To the Tram! We go Happily to find Trouble and Shoot it in the Middle of its Face"

Cletus tries his very best to motivate the men under his command, and leads the way to the red door with back straight and shoulders high.

[Aemoth]

The fresh Bob clone snags up a taco and root beer before frolicking off along with the rest of the group. For now he is more than content to sing and dance in his horrid southern dialect. He does however pop one of the prescribed happiness pills and a feeling of pure ecstasy washes over him and for a moment his singing is crisp and clear without the drawl or slurs. Maybe happiness pills fix speech impediments... that sure would make everyone who has to listen to Bob happy.

[Macabre9037]

Wesley quickly grabs a taco and a root beer from the table, carefully picking the pieces of man-meat off of the delicious food so graciously provided by his friend and as ordered by the team leader. He joins the others hastily not wanting to lag behind.
Off to Bert's we go?he chimed ever so merrily, eager to do whatever he could to aid his best friend, the beloved Computer.

[Aemoth]

R-Bob-2 is hit a second time by the effects of the pill. His demeanor changes from blissful ignorance and following the group singing along with their songs to a more friendly and happy emotion. He gleefully skips up into the midst of the group while pulling on the straps of his suspenders with his thumbs.

"T'day is a g-r-r-r-reat day to be a frien' of the computer! Don't ya all thin' so?" He pauses just long enough for a possible answer of "yes" but no more. "Whata great meal we had with them taco's and soda. I can still taste them wonderful flav'rs rolling around in the pit of my gut. Now, where's 'dat whatchamajig. . .the tra. . . travelly mashene?"

Bob stops his skipping just long enough for him to do a quick view of the surrounding area to find any possible sign of the tram. Whether he sees it or not he continues to skip along with the group and grins from ear to ear. "I jus' can't wait to get ta 'dez Ole Geezers. Oh what joy it'll bring ta work Frien' Computer's will and sep'ate them ladiez wit' dher 'eadz."

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

As Bruno skips in the direction Captain Cletus commanded, he suddenly feels the effect of the happy pill go the other way.
Where mere seconds ago he was a happy man, proud to have punched the face off a traitor, he suddenly feels really, really depressed.

"Why this sudden urge to put on a black jumpsuit?" He thinks to himself. "Did the Battle Hymn for the Computer always sound this sad? Oh dear computer, why does the ceiling suddenly looks so dark?"

A lot of emotions rush trough him. A sudden distrust for the computer is replaced by fear of his toenails wich in its turn is replaced by the joy of having toenails.
He desperatly tries to hide these unwanted emotions from the rest of his group, for he fears (and at the same time hopes) that they will shoot him.

If i screw up my roll in the OOC thread and get shot for being unhappy, than this next part will be done by my new clone. If i don't get shot, than ignore this spoiler.

Bruno quickly follows Captain Cletus trough the door.
"Yes, Captain Cletus, i hope i gave everybody a good example on how to remove faces from unwanted people. Let us sing the Battle Hymn of the Computer while we are on our way."

[Lycan 01]

And so the Troubleshooters set off to find the tram-line. It doesn't take them long, and soon they find themselves on a platform looking over a vast steel chasm filled with hovercrafts, transport vehicles, and floating billboards proclaiming the Computer's friendship and warning against traitors. Within a few seconds, what can best be described as a large hover-bus on an energy rail approaches the platform. Unfortunately, R-Kirby-1, in his overly excited bliss, ran out to meet the tram and was splattered as it zoomed onto the platform and came to a sudden half. As the rest of the Troubleshooters filed onto the tram-line, R-Kirby-2 rushed onto the platform to join them.

The Troubleshooters settle into the tram, and find that they're almost completely alone. There are a few Infrareds on board, and the driver is Red Clearance. Soon everyone has sat down, and is ready for the trip to Bert's Quilting Emporium. As the tram begins to lurch forward, everyone suddenly begins to feel the effects of the happy pills. R-Wesley-2 suddenly passes out and begins to snore, drool dripping from his mouth. R-Cletus-2's eyes suddenly dialate, and he begins to stare at his hands and giggle dumbly to himself. R-Bob-2 just sits there grinning, waving at the other Troubleshooters and passengers whenever they look at him. R-Den-3 suddenly starts to stare off into space, and after a few seconds he collapses out of his seat and into the center eisle of the tram, where he simply lies and stares blankly at the ceiling. R-Bruno-3 simply sits in his seat, his face ashen despite the grin on his face. And R-Kirby-2 just sits in his seat, staring out the window. Soon they will reach their destination, and their mission will begin...


END OF ACT 1

Bruno recieves an extra clone for killing the intruder Joshua.
Den recieves an extra clone for dispencing happiness to the whole team.

Everyone gets 50 Points for completing Act 1. (100 points buys you a new clone or an extra weapon or item)



Feel free to roleplay around until Act 2! :smallbiggrin: Just try not to let things get out of hand while I'm gone... :smallsigh: I'll be back Tuesday. Have a nice weekend, everyone!

[Aemoth]

R-Bob-2 tries to frown as he watches the effects of the happiness pills on the rest of the troubleshooters, however his pill is physically preventing him from frowning so his face looks like he is slightly constipated. He quickly gives up on the shadow of a thought to be concerned for the others happiness and begins waving wildly at the red driver. "Frien' Computer is your frien-d!"

He turns back to the group and notices their sad appearance once more. With much effort he stands and kicks Den on the floor. "Wake up erebody! We got songs ta' be sing'n, doncha make me have ta question ur loyelty ta' our frien' computer by ya jus' sitt'n der an' not sing'n wit' me!"

[Macabre9037]

Snoring loudly and drooling R-Wesley-2 begins to dream of all sorts of wonderful things when suddenly he begins to moan "the computer is my friend....zzzz.....the computer is myfrieeennndd.........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........i love the computer..............roooooot beeeeerrrrr.......zzzz....." before once more falling silent.

[Verruckt]

Cletus, whose mind has been overtaken with images of tacos dancing through gardens striped with running rivers and crashing waterfalls of rootbeer, is wrenched from his revelry by Bob's insistence on carrying out his orders.

He makes a brief attempt at singing, but devolves into giggling during the first verse, so instead he skips up and down the length of the car, so as to maintain a proper merriment level.

[Lycan 01]

ACT 2

The tram-line eventually stops at Waystation X37-B. The Troubleshooters, having gotten over the various effects of the happiness pills, scuttle off the tram and prepare to carry out their mission.

They spot a sign nearby, nestled between two doorways, which points out the locations of local stores. It reads:

To the left:
Bert's Quilting Emporium
Fred's Barbershop
Hank's Tacos

To the right:
Bert's Quilting Imperium
Frank's Hair Salon
Harold's Tortillas

[Aemoth]

Bob walks up to the signs and intensely peers at them trying to make since of the closely related stores.
-Em-peer-ium.... hmmm... -Im-peer-ium. Well I'll be damned looks like we've got a joker 'ere that is tryin' ta trick us. Hmm, taco's or tor-till-as, barber or saloon?" Bob clearly struggles with the communistic idea of a tortilla and salon and his best attempt at pronouncing the words hold completely different meanings than the actual stores on the sign.

"Well, is not my call. . . " He turns back to the Team Leader and shrugs. "But I'd say them taco's are our for us reds, and Frien' Computer wouldn't send us were we's weren't supposed ta be... so that there Empeerium would be the best bet on the path ta get."

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Indeed, Bob, perhaps these elderly ladies are trying to prevent us from shooting them. Luckily our most esteemed Captain has the orders from the computer and can read the right name from them very easily.

He looks at Cletus and asks him: "You did bring the orders with you, right Captain? I certainly hope you did not disrespect the computers property."
Bruno's hand goes near his belt where his gun is, just to be sure he can react swiftly to Cletus' response.

[Verruckt]

Cletus pulls the sheaf of orders from where it has been securely tucked into his overalls and double checks.

"I concur Bob, it seems that these treacherous little old ladies may be more cunning than we had expected, but fear not, for as clever as they may be they cannot hope to outsmart Friend Computer. Our orders specifically indicate that it is Burt's Quilting Emporium into which we are to inquire. I must say though, that sign is odd, we may need to question Burt about that, severely."

Cletus draws his Very Large Knife and makes his way towards Burt's Quilting Emporium, skipping and whistling a jaunty tune as he goes.

[Krrth]

R-Den-3

R-Den-3 has finally recovered from his bout of extreme happiness.

Yes sir!

*Following his leader, R-Den-3 skips and hums a patriotic song praising friend computer.*

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"I'm right behind you, Captain Cletus."

Bruno joins his comrades in happiness, skipping and singing.
The Battle Hymn for the Computer is still his favorite.

[Lycan 01]

The Team heads left. They find themselves walking down a long hallway, which eventually opens up into a large spacious room. There are three buildings in the room itself. One of them is a large structure with several flagpoles in front of it, which have colorful blankets fluttering from them. A large sign above the building reads "Burt's Quilting Emporium." Across the street are two smaller buildings. One has a spinning red, blue, and white pole next to the door, and the words "Fred's Barber Shop" are written on the store's large window. The second building is currently under construction - building materials and equipment litter the area. A sign proclaims that the site will one day be the location of Hank's Tacos.



You may go to whatever store you'd like. If you want, you may make Perception rolls. Say what building you want to look closer at, and roll a D20. If you see something noteworthy, I'll let you know...

[Aemoth]

"Ya'll I jus' had an idear! See 'dem bealdin's 'cross da street? I tink air's more to is'n meets th' eye wit' 'dem ole hags an' weze don't need ta go runnin' in der like a chikcan wit' 'is head cut off. What a chicken was and why it's head would be cut off Bob didn't really know, it was just a phrase he had heard somewhere that sounded like it fit into the matter. I'ma gwine ta check out dat buildin' site, both fer sum shiney new tools ta use ta crack open a few 'eads. . . an fer a way ta see in dat Quilten place over'cheer."

Bob stands waiting to here the groups general concensus on the matter, should they not want to check out the other building and head straight for the House of Quilts then he will follow with them. However, should one or more decide to join him in the reconnoissance then he will gleefully skip into the building site and begin his previously mentioned acts.

[Krrth]

R-Den-03

That looks like our target, Sir!

R-Den looks closer at the Quilting Emporium.




[roll0]

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno joins Den in examining the Emporium, hoping to see somebody with a goatee, proving that they are evil.

rolling to check the store [roll0]

[Lycan 01]

R-Bob-2 notices that the Hank's Tacos is really only a basic framework at the moment. There are a few crates, tools, and paint containers laying around, as well as a few large objects under tarps.

R-Den-3 can tell that the quilts on the flagpoles are very well made. There are also a few more quilts on display in the window. He can't see inside the store, though.

R-Bruno-3 can't see the store because R-Den-3 is in the way.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Are we to proceed into the store, Captain Cletus, or are you ordering us to do more reconnaissance first?

[Verruckt]

Cletus turns to Bruno.

"It's my estimation, dear friend, that we ought ta proceed with Friend Computer's orders in a most punctual fashion. Let's see what lies beyond the doors of the Quilting Emporium over yonder."

Cletus secretly hopes that trouble lies beyond the door, so he can shoot it. As he makes his way towards the building he tries to make out anything inside.

[roll0]

[Lycan 01]

The quilts in the window block R-Cletus-2 from seeing into the store. The only way to get a good look inside is to either look directly through the window, or walk inside.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno moves past Den, and goes to stare directly trough the window, pushing his nose almost against the glass.

Hope i roll better this time, if i'm allowed to roll two times to get a look, otherwise ignore this [roll0]

[Aemoth]

R-Bob-02 sighs as everyone makes it apparent they are more focused on assualting the Emporium instead of doing a bit of searching around the area for a better interance. However, he does agree that their orders should be enacted as punctually as possible and makes his way toward the Emporium with the rest of the group.

"Well, ya cain't beat em. . . shoot em in da face!" Bob chuckles to himself as he walks up to the building, presses himself against the outside wall, (without actually touching it of course) and tries to sneak a peak inside one of the quilted over windows.

[roll0] let's hope I can see something

Edit: looks like I see QUILTS!

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 flattens himself against the glass, and looks inside. He can see quilts. Lots and lots of quilts. There are several people moving around inside, but the racks and shelves covered in quilts obscure him from seeing what they look like.

R-Bob-2 doesn't get close enough to glass to see into it, so he finds himself staring at his own reflection. Hey look, you missed a spot shaving this morning...

[Verruckt]

Cletus sighs. Recon is crucial in his book, and he can't gather any intel due to the no doubt intentional (and likely treasonous) profusion of quilts within the store. He looks to his comrades and speaks.

"Alright men, this is how we'll handle this one. Bob and Bruno will head around the sides and back of the store here and look for alternate entrances. If you don't find any than circle back and enter through the front. The rest of you are with me, we're going in."

Cletus would have preferred to be one of the sneaky types to go in through the back, but Friend Computer charged him as the Leader of these men, and he believed it was important to lead from the front.

[Krrth]

R-Den-03


*looking hopeful*

Sir? I could lob a grenade in the window. As a distraction, of course.

[Verruckt]

"Now now friend Den, while your tactical sensibility is admirable, we don't want to risk damaging Computer Property unduly. If the Quilts and their makers do turn out to be an offense to the Friendliness of Friend Computer, then by all means grenade away, but not before."

[Aemoth]

"Eh, 'for I left good ole Computer Friend gave me some of these watchimacallits. . . Bob pulls out a small hand grenade with a simple bathroom door style image of a woman. "They's supposes ta make people flip out an get ahl raunchy on this here 'nade. Base'ly we could walk right in der after this goes BAM!"

He tosses it lightly in the air several times while awaiting Cletus's answer.

[Verruckt]

"Perhaps as a distraction if things inside turn ugly, but for now I think we need everyone more or less uninhibited for proper questioning."

[Aemoth]

Bob shrugs and decides he would be best to just head around to the back for a surprise rear entry to shock the old hags as they get double teamed and dealt with in a proficient manner. Proficient manner of course meaning a quick shot to the face and untimely death on the half of the evil communist quilters.

"Bruno, les'go. 'Nuff jibbjabbin and jaw flappin, we goss some reward tacos ta be eatin." As he makes his way back to the back side of the Emporium he pockets the pheromone grenade and lifts his massive shotgun up to be ready for any surprises.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"Very well, Captain Cletus, we shall find a way inside."

Bruno follows Bob to the back of the store, skipping while he does so. When they both get there he proceeds to search for an easy and preferably silent way to enter the building. He hopes he can sneak inside and catch the quilting traitors while doing something traitorous.
He also grabs his gun from his belt, holding it ready to shoot traitors.


For my rolls:
To keep very silent 1d20
To search for an entrance 1d20

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 begins to skip towards the back of the store. Halfway there, he suddenly trips and falls. Thankfully, he doesn't make too much noise. But he isn't able to see any back entrances from his location on the ground next to the building.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"Strange, i was skipping just a second ago, and now i'm facing some kind of cobblestone." Bruno thinks to himself.
"Perhaps this is a sign from my friend, the computer that there is something to find here! Perhaps even a way inside"

Bruno looks at the cobblestones in front of his nose, ignoring the little boo-boo from his knee.

"Hmmm, there is no ultra-secret quilting hatch to be found... What is friend computer trying to tell me?" He continues to think.

Than, suddenly, it's like some sort of light giving bulb next to his head starts to light up: "There must be something valuable here that friend computer wants me to have!"
He gives up searching for a hatch and instead searches for precious artefacts or "Treashuh!".

"Bob, could you search for a way inside? I have been looking here on the ground but there seems to be no secret hatch. I will search for a bit more to make absolutely sure there is no hatch to be found." he says to his companion.

Bruno goes treasure hunting! Rolling to search for valuable stuff between the cobblestones[roll0]

[Macabre9037]

My fellow teammates and friends would it be so wrong to simply enter? Will they shoot us for looking at quilts? And THEN shoot them in the face for being traitorous anti-computer...traitors!

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 pokes around through the cobblestones, and suddenly knocks one loose. As it rolls to the side, he discovers a metal surface beneath it. There's something under the stones.

R-Bob-2 sneaks up to the back of the store like a ninja. He doesn't have much luck finding treasure, but there is a back entrance. Its some sort of loading zone, which requires a code to be entered on a key pad for entrance.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

When Bruno sees a metal surface shining under the cobblestones, his thoughts immediately go "Arr matey, there be treashuh here!"

He tries to pry loose the mysterious object from under the cobblestones, hoping it is very valuable.


roll to get the thing out from under the stones safely [roll0]
luck to see if it's valuable [roll1]

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 pulls at the metal object lodged beneath the cobblestones. After several tugs, there is a large metallic clang, and the object tears loose. Its a pipe, R-Bruno-3 soon discovers, and he has just wrenched it in twain, with one section of the pipe now jutting up at him. Raw sewage instantly begins to rocket into his face. (Please roll not to drown in sewage)

R-Bob-2 begins to type in random numbers on the key-pad behind the store. After several random numbers, several red lights around the pad light up. Two random robot arms emerge from the wall. One is holding a quilt, the other is flexing its robot hands in a menacing manner. (Please roll to dodge)

[Macabre9037]

Amid all the confusion of sewage being sprayed and the sound of metallic clanking Wesley decides to simply walk in the front door and test his luck.

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 nearly drowns in icky sewage water, but he manages to pull himself away after a few moments. After vomiting up his new meal, he staggers to his feet, sludge dripping from his body, but otherwise okay.

R-Bob-2 sees the robotic arms, and runs back towards the front of the store. The robotic arms can't grab him in time, but the hand with the quilt does crack the quilt like a whip on his butt, sending him running even faster and leaving a nice tear in the posterior of his jumpsuit.

R-Wesley-3 pushes the front door. Its open, and swings inwardly slightly at his touch...

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno stands still for a second, getting his mind back together. The shock from getting sewage water all over (and inside) himself was pretty big.
He was going to clean himself up for a bit, but suddenly he sees Bob sprint past him to the front of the store, not really understanding why he has a part of his buttocks showing.

Bruno sees the door is still closed. "Amateur", he thinks to himself, "couldn't even get the door open before running away like a little girl."

Bruno heads to the back door to search for a way inside. If he finds a way in, he will also sneak inside and try to look around for interesting stuff and traitors.

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 heads to the back of the store. Somehow, he manages to find a way to get the backdoor open, and heads on inside. He finds himself inside a of a dimly lit room, surrounded by large boxes. It looks like some sort of Storage Area. As he looks around at all the large boxes, he notices a confused looking man in a red jumpsuit holding a clipboard. "Um... Excuse me, but who are you, and why are you back here?" the man arches an eyebrow.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"Me? I am....Well let me just say that...I'm just here because....Cough, cough, cough." Bruno hides the shocked impression on his face and quickly thinks of an elaborate and overly complicated lie, the best way to escape sticky situations.

"Excuse me, for that, i had something in my throat. My name is G-Inger'bread-17, and i'm here on business for the Computer.
The Computer, in his wisdom and infinite knowledge, has ordered me to do a secret checkup on clipboards in this district. Really top secret stuff. Can't tell you much about it. Well, i can tell you that it might get you killed if you have a faulty clipboard."

Bruno is quite happy with his lie, he is quite sure he can get this man to let him scout the traitors den.
"Well than, despite my disguise as red level clearance, i am obviously green level cleared. So, if you could be so kind as to give me your clipboard so i can do a top secret checkup of it. Oh, and also tell me your name.
I can obviously not give you the results of this top secret clipboard tests on your clipboard, so i'm going to have to order you to leave this establishment trough the back door i just entered trough and go to your sleeping unit to sleep for 32 hours."

Bruno gives the man an impatient look. "Well, go on than, i don't have all day for this top secret checkup, give me your clipboard and leave!"

[Lycan 01]

The clerk's face hardens. "You're lying. G-Inger'bread-18 performed the clipboard check yesterday. And since you're obviously not him, you must be some sort of thief! Security! SECURITY!!"

The clerk hurls his clipboard with stunning strength at R-Bruno-3's face. If the Troubleshooter doesn't dodge[b] in time, he might find himself recieving free plastic surgery. The clerk then begins to run towards a door across the room, which likely leads into the [b]main store area.

The clipboard grazes R-Bruno-3's head. The force of the blow staggers him, but he manages to keep his footing.

(R-Bruno-3 will suffer a penalty to his next turn's actions - which is all he has time for before the clerk escapes)

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno is shocked, absolutely shocked. The normal turn of events is that the more elaborate the lie is, the more people believe it. The clipboard grazing his head doesn't help eiter.

He quickly tries to get himself together, grabs his Hammer Axe from his belt and throws it at the Clipboard-Man.
"Hey Clipboard-Man, CATCH!" he whisperes.
Bruno knows it is important to say something badass while doing something badass. That's just the way it goed. Fortunatly he also knows that while sounding badass is quite badass, it is also dangerous if you do it too loud while sneaking inside buildings.

[Lycan 01]

(Shoulda said something more dramatic... :smalltongue:)

The clerk hears R-Bruno-3's dramatic statement, and decides it might be a good idea to duck. The hammer axe leaves R-Bruno-3's hand, and spirals through the air. The clerk manages to duck just fast enough for the hammer axe to go right over his head. It maintains its trajectory, and smashes into a keypad next to the door the clerk was running towards. Instantly, alarms begin to sound off inside the building, and red lights begin to flash inside the storage room. The clerk runs to the door, which opens pneumatically upon his approach, and dives through it into the next room. The door slams shut behind him, but the alarms and lights keep going.


Outside, the rest of the Troubleshooters hear alarms going off inside the store, and people can be heard panicking and screaming. R-Wesley-3, standing in front of the entrance, can see through the door that a large crowd of people are running towards the exit. Moving might be a good idea, he realizes...

[Krrth]

R-Den-03

R-Den hears the alarm go off and readies his gun.


Sir! What is the battle plan?

[Verruckt]

Cletus is tense. This is the kind of situation Friend Computer depended on him to handle well. Anyone within this stampede of people could be a traitor, anyone could be the key to uprooting the foul and despicable Club the had been sent to purge. They would have to be stopped.

"Bob! Deploy your special grenade!"

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno sees the doors slam shut behind Clipboard Man.
"Damn you, Clipboard Man, you outsmarted me this time! Next time you wont get away so easily." He says in his most dramatic voice.

He quickly searches his hammer axe, picks it up and puts it back in his belt. He also picks up the clipboard the man dropped and stuffs it in his backpack to read once things have cooled down a bit.
Bruno does a search of the boxes in the storage area.
If he doesn't find anything interesting, he will exit the store trough the back door and run back to the front of the store to report to Captain Cletus.

[Aemoth]

Bob came back around the front of the building in time to hear the alarms squeal out their warning to all of the workers inside. With Cletus's command his hand instinctively goes to the pheromone grenade and he taps the activation button before tossing it into a window of the front lobby.

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 finds quilts. Lots and lots of quilts. Each box he opens contains another shipment of blankets. But his constant searching distracts him from his surroundings, and R-Bruno-3 soon finds himself tangled up in a mass of quilts. He'll have to either untangle himself, or cut his way free if he hopes to get out of there any time soon.


The situation in front of the store takes an... interesting turn. R-Bob-2 pulls a grenade from his belt, which has the outline of a woman on it, and throws it against the large window in front of the store. It smashes through the glass, leaving a large hole but not entirely shattering the window. A hissing noise fills the air, and the raucus inside the store subsides momentarily. Several gasps and screams are heard, likely due to the patrons inside believing they're being gassed with poison. Soon these subside as well, and for a moment, the only thing that can be heard is the hissing of the grenade inside the store. A thick green haze begins to drift out of the broken window and from under the front door, and it quickly begins to spread as a light fog throgh-out the area. It smells... odd. The silence is soon broken, however.

Inside the store, a few men's voices can be heard. "Ma'am, are you okay?" "Honey, why are you staring at me like that?" "Um... Lady, why are you hugging me?" However, within seconds, their voices become more worried, then panicked, and eventually - terrified. Other noises drown out their words - people struggling, furniture and bodies being throne to the ground, fabric ripping and tearing. The few men inside can be heard screaming, while a few women can also be heard: "Darn, they're already taken!" "We need more men!" "I think I saw some outside!" What are we waiting for?! LETS GO!!"

What happens next is for some a nightmare, for others a dream come true. A crowd of women erupt from the store - most barge through the front door, others even jump through the window. They all have crazed looks in their eyes, psychotic grins on their faces, and some are even struggling to unzip their jumpsuits as they run towards the men. A few women also come running out of Fred's Barber Shop. At the same time, another crowd of women come charging in behind the Troubleshooters, from the direction of the tram line they disembarked from earlier. These women all have one thing on their mind - and God have mercy on anyone who tries to stop them.




Yeah, uh... Anybody ever seen the "Death by Snu-Snu" episode of Futurama? Right... Thats basically what's gonna happen to ya'll if you don't manage to escape.

Everyone except for Steckie make an "Escape" roll to avoid being grabbed. Failure to do so will result in dooms that are... noteworthy. And before anybody asks, yes, you may choose to voluntarily fail this roll. :smalltongue:

If you manage to roll high enough to escape, go ahead and take whatever actions you want - run for it, open fire, take pictures, et cetera...

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno is disappointed. Nothing but quilts here, no top secret stuff to be found. "Clipboard Man must have already removed all the top secret traitor items. Surely he is the most cunning villain i have ever heard off!" Bruno thinks to himself.

When he looks up again to find a way out, he sees he is completely surrounded by quilts, he is even entangled in them.
So, he does the only logical thing a man entangled in soft blankets can do: he makes himself comfortable, pulls out the clipboard he picked up earlier and starts to investigate it.
After reading it thoroughly, he gets up and starts to attempt to untangle himself.

[Aemoth]

Bob is slightly shocked by the column of women now running for their group. He only expected a few... but this many would cause a problem.

"Troll yerself ladies! Der's more dan enuf of Bob ta go aroun'... Jest get yer hands off uv me whiles I try'n do me work. I bee back, I bee back. Bob shouts out his words as he dodges from one women to the next looking for the old hags who he thinks are quilters. Normally he'd be up for most of the women there. . . but you just don't mess with the old, old cougars where he comes from.

As he continues to move about the sea of women he brings his shotgun up and level with the heads of the crazed women. Should he find one of the old hags he squeezes off a round into their craniums.

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 flips through the clipboard. The flashing lights play merry havok with his vision, but he notices that a few shipments are from blanket factories, while a few are from "private" suppliers. He then tries to untangle himself, and manages to make some progress. However, he's still a bit tied up. He can either try again and finish untangling himself, or try to search the clipboard again.


R-Bob-2 wades through the tide of hormonally-crazed females. Some grab at him, though he manages to writhe free of their grasps, although his jumpsuit is soon tattered and ragged from many close calls. He tries to discern the old quilters from the bunch, but there are just so many women, he has trouble making them out. The ages of the women vary wildly - some are quite young, others middle-aged, while some may or not be considered cougars. Occassionally, an old lady can be seen waddling along towards the Troubleshooters, and R-Bob-2 eventually catches sight of one. Without hesitation, he brings his uber-shotgun to bear and blasts the ancient enemy point-blank. Her cranium explodes, and her body cartwheels backwards into the crowd. However, stopping to shoot has left R-Bob-2 exposed - he suddenly feels a pair of arms tightly wrap his leg in a vice-like grip. Their owner - a young blonde - looks up at him with a mischevious grin. "Oooooh, I love a bad boy..."

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Failing to untangle himself from the pile of quilts, Bruno decides to rest for a moment, saving his strenght for more important things.
While resting he gives the clipboard a more thorough look, examining it very, very closely.

Does Bruno hear some of the stuff going on outside? Crazed women, grenades and shotguns would make some noise, right? If he can hear it, what does he understand from it or do i have to roll for that?
If i have to roll for it, here it is:
And roll to search the clipboard again: [roll]1d20

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno- snuggles up in the quilts to get comfortable, and then casually peruses the clipboard and its information. He's completely oblivious to the chaos and carnage outside - its probably due to the alarms blaring in his ears. Of course, he still can't find much of interest in the clipboard. Although the store does seem to get quilts from private sources pretty often...

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"Bah, this damn clipboard must have been put in code by Clipboard Man. I better get this to Captain Cletus so he can get something out of it." Bruno mumbles to himself.

He feels rested enough to try to get himself untangled again.

i'll put my roll here or i'll have a tripple post in OOC
to get untangled: [roll0]

[Aemoth]

Bob blows the blonde a kiss before leveling his shotgun between her eyes, physically touching the barrel to her head so as not to blow his own leg off with the shotgun.
"I know huney, I know..."

[Krrth]

R-Den-03

R-Den watches as the mod bursts out of the nearby buildings.


Oh dear. This could be problematical.

Looking around, he tries to locate some suitable location to avoid.....injury.


[roll0]

[Macabre9037]

Wesley stared in horror at the mass of women barraging his team and in a fit of sheer panic and held out his ring and with pained determination uttered the word......"Taco"

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 manages to get himself even more tangled up. How won't be going anywhere for awhile...

R-Bob-2 tries to shoot the blonde, but at that exact moment he's grabbed from behind. The shotgun fires into the ground, and R-Bob-2 loses his balance as several women latch on to him.

R-Den-3 looks around to find a place to hide. However, before he can find one, he is tackled to the ground. Several women quickly pile onto him, and his screams are quickly drowned out by the sounds of tearing fabric and other hideous noises.

R-Wesley-3 points his hand at the crowd of women attacking R-Bob-2. As he utters the word "Taco," the jade gem in the gold ring on his hand begins to glow. In an instant, a massive beam of bright green energy lances across the plaza. The searing stream of plasma burns through a large portion of the crowd of women - as well as R-Bob-2. As the energy disperses, the charred forms of the women and the Troubleshooter crumple into ash and fade away. The jade gem in the gold ring smokes for a moment, and then glows - its recharged.

---


R-Bob-2 has died from evaporation. R-Den-2 died from massive blood loss, due to the internal bleeding associated with the sheer number of hickeys he suffered. Their clones will be brought in soon, once the Computer thinks its safe enough for them to enter.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"Damn these quilts! I'll be stuck here forever!"
Bruno is getting desperate. All his efforts to get untangled just seems to make everything worse. He is even more stuck than before.

"Lets see....i have to get out of these evil quilts, the Captain must be anxiously awaiting my report.", Bruno mumbles to himself. "I'll try to untangle myself one more time and if that doesn't work i will attack these evil quilts!
Yes, that's what i will do hahahaha! Attack the quilts, yes, yes, yes! Kill them all before they make me crazy!"

[Lycan 01]

R-Bruno-3 tries the tried and true method of solving his problems - punching them out of existance. His power fist punches through the quilt tied around his feet like a knife through butter. For good measure, he punches several of the other quilts around him out of existance. Finally free, he staggers to his feet, just as a loud explosion echoes from in front of the store.

At that exact moment, a trap door appear in the floor next to him. An instant later, R-Bob-3 and R-Den-2 are thrown up out of the trap door, which quickly closes back up. The two land back on the ground, confused looks on their faces.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"Eh....Hey there Bob and Den, good to see you. And just at the right moment too, i have just freed myself from a deadly trap set out by Clipboard Man, my nemesis. Now we can work together to get something done.", Bruno says, while cleaning his uniform with a quilt. The sewage water is mostly dried up now, but there was still some dirt left. Luckily the quilts are amazing at cleaning up.

"So gentlemen, what do you think is best we do? There is a door back there that has been locked by Clipboard Man when he ran away. We could try to open that and investigate what is behind it.
I also heard and explosion moments before the two of you arrived, we could also go and see what that's about.
And i have these documents on this clipboard i just can't seem to figure out, maybe one of you could do better?
Of course we could also go and find Captain Cletus and report to him, he may give us additional orders.

What do you think?"

[Aemoth]

"Ehh, lesago back outside. Nothin' ere but some ripped up quilts, you, an dat clipboard. Maybe Cletus ken figure this all out."

[Krrth]

R-Den-0?

*shaking his head as he stands up*

That was...interesting. Worse ways to go, I suppose.

*looking around*

Where is our leader, anyways?

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"I'm not sure, i heard an explosion coming from outside, so he may or may not be dead or dismembered." Bruno says to Den.

Looking around at the quilts torn apart and the locked door, he says to his companions: "Bob may have a point here, there isn't much more to do in this place. Lets get to the front of the store and look for Captain Cletus, he can sort this mess out."

Bruno starts heading to the front of the store to look for Captain Cletus, unless Bob or Den objects or want to stay behind. If that happens he wil stay in the storeroom. If not he very carefully looks around the corner towards the front of the store to see what may have caused the explosion and try to spot Captain Cletus, other members of the team or dangerous situations.

rolling to look for causes of the explosion, teammembers or anything else that might look interesting or dangerous
[roll0]

[Verruckt]

Cletus stands stock still. Bewildered as to what had just occurred. Shaking his head slowly he turns around to look for his team and shouts to anyone who cares to respond.

"Trouble Shooters! Status Report!"

[Krrth]

R-Den-0?


Sir! R-Den reporting for duty. Equipped, healthy, and ready to follow orders.

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Captain Cletus, i must repord a hostile activity in the storage area of that quilting shop. A man i only know as Clipboard Man viciously attacked me and escaped, locking the way behind him. I was unable to follow because of the locked door and because of a deadly quilt trap Clipboard Man placed in the room. Luckily i escaped.
I did capture these papers from him, i hope they have valuable information.

Bruno gives the papers to Captain Cletus, hoping that he will find something usefull in them so he can start shooting traitors.

"Awaiting orders, sir."

[Verruckt]

Cletus accepts the papers and begins to peruse them for information that may lead him to the bottom of this tapestry of traitorous terror. As he delves into the pages he points towards the store and begins to administer orders.

"Bruno, take someone with you and mind the rear of the store, assure that no one slips out the back. I need someone else to mind the front with me as I explore this information, and the rest of the team will go in through the front and sweep the store. Do You Get Me?"

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

"Understood Captain. I think i'll take Bob with me, he is a bit trigger happy, so i think the jobs is perfect for him. With your permission obviously."

Bruno takes his gun and his powered fist, turns to Bob and says.

"Bob! We've got a job on our hands. There may be shooting involved so i think you'll like it. Captain Cletus said we had to guard the back of the store, making sure nobody slips out. That may mean keeping them alive, but if they run the only solution may be you and your shotgun. Want to come?"

If Bob wants to come, Bruno heads to the back of the store. If not he'll ask Captain Cletus to select a lucky volunteer.

Btw, i'm assuming that Bob joined Bruno and Den in walking to the front, i hope i'm not doing the wrong thing with that.

[Aemoth]

Bob slaps his shotgun down in the palm of his hand dramatically in response to Bruno. "'Ey, Imma whitcha. Now less-go pop some heads." After several seconds of walking back to the exit of the store with Bruno Bob realizes that head shots won't usually leave them alive and he stalls for a second. "Err, well pop them skulls if they don't go all peace like. . . I'll be makin' sure to yell "Halt" er sometin before shooting."

[Steckie]

R-Bruno-03

Bruno is suddenly struck by massive disorientation.
Where was he again? What was he doing again?
Perhaps it is the last twitch of the happiness pill he had earlier.
Bruno thinks it will be over in seconds, so he doesn't let Bob notice the disorientation.