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Sipex
2009-10-05, 03:20 PM
Yes I know this is probably the umpteenth thread about this but really I'd get in less trouble for re-posting than I would for necroing (plus I don't have to deal with all those replies from people reading the thread from it's original start).

I DM a 4.0 game with adult players (we're all in our early-late 20's) and we're all good, fairly open minded friends. That said, nothing is safe.
They're fairly good about it though, we breach subjects of substance abuse and sex because they exist but if they really want to get into details they do it over notes because hey, unless you're REALLY open about it those activities don't usually include the entire party.

Well, the players were roleplaying, each doing their own thing in town and my wife seduces an NPC researcher and proceeds to send me notes which were, well, I won't get into it but I can guarantee you I was very distracted by the end of it.

Point, do you think this is okay? It doesn't add mechanically to the game but I'm almost 100% sure everyone at the table is okay with it, we've got another couple and a single guy who's very good humoured...I just want to make sure this sort of thing won't detract from the overall experience.

How do you deal/rule this sort of thing?

arguskos
2009-10-05, 03:25 PM
This sorta thing really is so insanely group dependent it's insane. If your group is fine with it, then it's no issue at all. If they aren't, it sucks. That's all there is to it.

On another note, I'm pleased to hear from a group where such things work out. Most groups I know are fairly juvenile about tough topics such as sexuality and faith (mine is no exception).

jiriku
2009-10-05, 03:25 PM
From your description, it sounds like the players are comfortable with it, but you are not.

As the DM, the solution you can use to escape the uncomfortable situation is humor. Almost any tense or difficult moment can be defused by making the scene silly or ridiculous. Then everyone can have a good laugh and the game can continue.

Ernir
2009-10-05, 03:29 PM
Uh, when it is making you or some of the players uncomfortable, ask the ones who are doing it to please tone it down. Until then is there any reason to not let them run wild and have fun?

Sipex
2009-10-05, 03:29 PM
The only reason I'm uncomfortable with it is because I'm afraid it will detract from the game for the other players. I'm not uncomfortable with this particular situation & subject matter this was my wife after all and I'm no prude.

If another player tried to do this seriously with me I'd be very uncomfortable in many many ways though.

Paulus
2009-10-05, 03:36 PM
The only reason I'm uncomfortable with it is because I'm afraid it will detract from the game for the other players. I'm not uncomfortable with this particular situation & subject matter this was my wife after all and I'm no prude.

If another player tried to do this seriously with me I'd be very uncomfortable in many many ways though.

Then you are uncomfortable with it enough to where it would detach form the game, as obvious, because you wouldn't be asking if you weren't.

Broach this with your group. Discuss it. Make it clear your position, and as they are so mature, they will respect your feelings and be sure to keep them in mind.

Simple as that I would suppose. *shrug* can't really say much else, my group never meets long enough to bother with that. Or if they do, it's always off screen and implied. Or aggressively detailed for pure hilarity. Again, very very group situational.

Sipex
2009-10-05, 03:39 PM
Ah, alright.

I'll do a double check with them to make sure they're all okay with note on note sex at the table then.

If I get a consensus we'll go with that.

Masaioh
2009-10-05, 03:43 PM
My group is similar to the OP's. We are all 18+ and it seems to randomly pop up. Personally, I see no problem with it because it helps us with characterization for new campaigns game and makes RP easier. These situations have even started some interesting sidequests, such as when my half-succubi character learned that he was going to be the father of a tiefling at the most inopportune time.

I would give a couple other examples of what I've been asked as a DM but I'm not sure where the mods draw the line.

@OP: like the others that have replied before me, I would advise you to talk it over with the rest of the group before you get another session started.

Sipex
2009-10-05, 03:47 PM
Yeah, I didn't want to go into detail either, hence why I simply stuck with it finishing with me being distracted.

On your previous note I was actually thinking of figuring that out. My players have actually showed interest in consequences for this sort of thing (ie: pregnancy) but I don't know how to determine whether they were being careful when the original acts happened without cluing them in that I've taken their information to heart and thus cluing them into what might happen next.

AtwasAwamps
2009-10-05, 03:48 PM
...With no offense intended to anyone posting here...

It was your wife.

I think she was flirting with you at the table. You know. Cause she would like to engage in chicanery later.

I dunno. Strikes me as odd that you have to bring this up with the whole group, unless you already told them "OH MAN MY WIFE IS PASSING ME DIRTY NOTES."

Sipex
2009-10-05, 03:49 PM
Hmm? Oh, it was pretty obvious she was doing it, no one needed to declare anything.

We can usually tell when the party is being naughty, we're all really bad about hiding it.

woodenbandman
2009-10-05, 03:50 PM
There's a time and place for that sort of stuff. If the time and place is at your table, that's fine. If anyone is uncomfortable, though, make it clear that at your table is not the time nor place for that sort of thing.

It seems to me like you were being a little distracted by your wife's note. That's fine, it's probably natural. If you get a little disturbed, just say "later" or "not the time" or something.

Paulus
2009-10-05, 03:52 PM
Yeah, I didn't want to go into detail either, hence why I simply stuck with it finishing with me being distracted.

On your previous note I was actually thinking of figuring that out. My players have actually showed interest in consequences for this sort of thing (ie: pregnancy) but I don't know how to determine whether they were being careful when the original acts happened without cluing them in that I've taken their information to heart and thus cluing them into what might happen next.

Oh, well THAT can be DM prerogative. No matter how careful they are, ...stuff happens. But, you should talk with them first and SEE if they are more inclined to want these side quests. Also, if they are, make it a percentile. The more they... stuff... the more likely a chance a "side quest" could happen.

but again, discuss this with your group first, and see what THEY think and what levels of comfort and discomfort they have, as well as making clear your own. It's wrong to ask the DM to take on things he is uncomfortable with simply because he is the DM.

Delwugor
2009-10-05, 03:53 PM
...
Well, the players were roleplaying, each doing their own thing in town and my wife seduces an NPC researcher and proceeds to send me notes which were, well, I won't get into it but I can guarantee you I was very distracted by the end of it.
...
How do you deal/rule this sort of thing?

Read the note, those are the rules ... after the game. :smallbiggrin:


Uh, when it is making you or some of the players uncomfortable, ask the ones who are doing it to please tone it down. Until then is there any reason to not let them run wild and have fun?
My group (35-45 old men) has played many scenarios with adult themes some downright nasty. None of it really bothered me because it's just a game and we are just having fun.
Then came a simple night that no one thought about but bothered the crap out of me. One of our characters spent a night with a female chamberlain who was 14. The DM didn't think too much about the age because that would be about normal for a medieval period.
But I have teenage boys and 3 good friends with teenage girls and this just seems so wrong to me that I had to ask that we keep ages for these things at least 18.

Lycan 01
2009-10-05, 03:59 PM
My groups are all at or above 18 years old, so we're okay with mature subject matter. If things get too raunchy, I'll either ask them to tone it down or I'll just hint at what is happening, rather than describe it.

One example would be a Call of Cthulhu game I ran. One player had a bottle of moonshine, and actually said he wanted to down most of it when they realized they'd taken shelter from a thunderstorm in a church where an exorcism was being performed. I told him he got drunk from it, and for most of the game he had penalties to most of his skills, and had to speak with a slur, but he also passed most Sanity checks and/or took minimum sanity loss.

Another player in the group, realizing that they were probably all going to die when the little girl began to speak with three voices at once, decided he wanted to die happy. So he walked over to the terrified nun, and started trying to comfort her in hopes of gaining her trust and... yeah. Well, eventually he crit'ed several rolls, so I told him the nun finally gave into his advances. I simply told him they both went to the confession box, but he'd have to leave the details up to his own mind.

Well, then the drunk character ran off to the priest's side of the confession box, and decided he wanted to sit back and enjoy the show while finishing his moonshine. I agreed, but again told them I wasn't going to describe it since I didn't feel comfortable with it.

Besides, it was hilarious when the massive swarm of zombies assaulted the church while only one player was able to do anything. :smallbiggrin:



Edit:

My Dark Heresy games, though, don't have any sort of content filter. If it did, the game would kinda lose most of its... point. :smalltongue:

But I don't allow stuff with kids. Murder, rape, et cetera... I'm not comfortable with crossing that line, and players who do are swiftly met with a heft dose of Karma. In a Star Wars game once, a player of mine shot a little girl so he could take her stuff Jawa doll. I'd expected this... so I had the little girl holding something behind the doll. When the player wrenched it from her dead hands, a thermal detonator bounced down right between his feet.

He and the other player spent a total of 8 Fate Points to rewind time to before they shot her. The other player ended up adopting her, and while we never finished that campaign, she was eventually going to be revealed as Force Sensitive.

Thatguyoverther
2009-10-05, 04:34 PM
But I don't allow stuff with kids. Murder, rape, et cetera... I'm not comfortable with crossing that line, and players who do are swiftly met with a heft dose of Karma. In a Star Wars game once, a player of mine shot a little girl so he could take her stuff Jawa doll. I'd expected this... so I had the little girl holding something behind the doll. When the player wrenched it from her dead hands, a thermal detonator bounced down right between his feet.



Huh, the old thermal detonator in the teddy bear ploy. Classic.


Adult themes depend entirely on the group. In my opinion they enhance the game, provided everyone playing is old/mature enough to deal with them.

Nothing adds realism to a zombie Apocalypse like undead kids, or the evilness of a villain like doing actual evil. But I prefer a grittier, darker sort of a game.