Complete Crackpot Theory!

[Fayd]

I know this theory is completely crackpot, but it makes JUST enough logical sense to possibly work, and it's too funny to ignore. My friend Cade Rentyr thought it up a couple of days ago, and I decided to share it with you guys (he says he's fine with me posting as long as he's credited).

We all know that Belkar is going to draw his last breath ever very soon. And he will have no need to file for income tax returns. Well...here's the crazy theory.

Belkar's body dies, yes. But some funky magic stuffs his soul inside of Mr. Scruffy. Belkar, the halfling, has drawn his last breath, and cats have no need for income tax returns.

This theory is slightly compelling...probably not right...but compelling.

What are your thoughts? Oh, and other crackpot theories while we're at it?

[Shale]

Counterpoint: Cats can still eat cake.

[Ganurath]

Shale raises a good point. Mr. Scruffy eats at the right tables, after all.

[archon_huskie]

Here's a crackpot theory for you. Belkar dies. He doesn't come back in any way.

[Catch]

Here's a crackpot theory for you. Belkar dies. He doesn't come back in any way.

Because that's what happened when Roy died.

[David Argall]

Belkar is also not long for this world, so no, it is not enough. And in theory, a cat can collect on an IRA too.

[rewinn]

I know this theory is completely crackpot, but it makes JUST enough logical sense to possibly work, and it's too funny to ignore. My friend Cade Rentyr thought it up a couple of days ago, and I decided to share it with you guys (he says he's fine with me posting as long as he's credited).

We all know that Belkar is going to draw his last breath ever very soon. And he will have no need to file for income tax returns. Well...here's the crazy theory.

Belkar's body dies, yes. But some funky magic stuffs his soul inside of Mr. Scruffy. Belkar, the halfling, has drawn his last breath, and cats have no need for income tax returns.

This theory is slightly compelling...probably not right...but compelling.

What are your thoughts? Oh, and other crackpot theories while we're at it?
I heard an "old wive's tale" that cats steal the breath from little babies.

Belkar weighs only 30 pounds and Mr. Scruffy is a highly experienced cat, so maybe Mr. Scruffy will steal Belkar's breath thus fulfilling the prophecy in part?

And then the ghost of Belkar will use the cracked pot as a chamber pot!

[Tala Goodweed]

Perhaps they must pretend he dies in order to get out of jail or something, and he has to change his name, so belkar the halfling will cease to exist in the eyes of the world

[Kish]

Because that's what happened when Roy died.
Because Roy is a Chaotic Evil psychopath with no friends, no one who would want to resurrect him, who is prophecied to die and no longer be in the world forever within seven weeks, and the leader of his adventuring team is glad about it. Or maybe I mean, because Belkar is a Lawful Good adventuring team leader who is attempting to save the entire world.
Sarcasm is fun!

[The Recreator]

Personally, I can see Belkar coming back as a ghost, if only because of the wonderful irony of not being able to stab anything anymore. Then again, the inept Belkar thing has already been done with the Mark of Justice B-story…

[Prowl]

...a cat can collect on an IRA too.

Not after Goldman Sachs gets done with it!:smalltongue:

[mockingbyrd7]

Here's a crackpot theory for you. Belkar dies. He doesn't come back in any way.

Still your tongue, foul heretic! :smallbiggrin:

[The Pale King]

Because that's what happened when Roy died.
Yes, because Roy isn't a psychotic deterrent to the team. He doesn't, for example, kill helpful and harmless passerbys for absolutely no reason other than short-lived enjoyment.

Don't get me wrong, I like Belkar. But think about it, if you actually had to deal with him, would you raise him?

[King of Nowhere]

How about this: the order take down Xykon in less than seven weeks, then Belkar dies at the end of the story or near it.

[Sewblon]

Because that's what happened when Roy died.

Yeah, permanent main character death is rare in serialized fantasy/Sci-Fi. And the prophecy is "Belkar will draw his last breath, ever, by the end of the year" cats still breath.

[Cracklord]

Or how about this? Belkar looks like he is going to survive in some incredibly convoluted fashion, probably involving Tsukiko, then at the last possible second gets run over with a cart. Nobody even bothers to go look for him, and we get the occasional comic of 'Belkar's adventures in the abyss', which basically consist of Dretch Belkar getting the hell beaten out of him by anyone who feels like it, and him so pathetic he is unable to do anything about it, or better still just shots of him rotting by the side of the road.
Bonus points if Mr Scruffy is shown eating his liver while he mewls helplessly, his entrails slowly leaking out, or better still if he gets brought back by Xykon as some generic minion, and is unceremoniously killed by Durkon in their next encounter without even acknowledging who he was.

[The Rugi]

Belkar gets consumed by the Snarl?

[Cracklord]

Belkar gets consumed by the Snarl?

Doesn't really suffer here, does he? Rather watch him get torn to pieces over thousands of years in the abyss if you don't mind.
I mean, yes, eventually he'll become a balor or whatever, but that takes eons, and before then he gets tormented horribly. Even balors get tormented horribly. Even Demogorgan gets tormented horribly.
So no, getting unmade is too good for him.

[Berserk Monk]

Because Roy is a Chaotic Evil psychopath with no friends, no one who would want to resurrect him, who is prophecied to die and no longer be in the world forever within seven weeks, and the leader of his adventuring team is glad about it. Or maybe I mean, because Belkar is a Lawful Good adventuring team leader who is attempting to save the entire world.
Sarcasm is fun!

http://www.mydisguises.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/dr_horrible.jpg

"Wow sarcasm. That's original."

[Dave Rapp]

Belkar gets consumed by the Snarl?

The bad guys' evil plot to take control of the snarl is interrupted by the good guys- Belkar included- and in the process, Belkar inadvertently becomes the subject of the spell and becomes the Snarl, and is thus the final boss of the story.

[nonbeliever93]

"Wow sarcasm. That's original."
I want to have your babies.

Re: the OP. One of the better theories about Belkar dodging death, at the least a little original. But I like the idea that for once, a prophecy isn't open to interpretation or loopholery. Plus the amount of time spent on explaining the loopholes wouldn't be worth having Belkar back in the first place.

[Sewblon]

http://www.mydisguises.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/dr_horrible.jpg

"Wow sarcasm. That's original."

I am in love with you!

[TheBlackShadow]

What? A PC actually dying? For good? What nonsense! Of course Belkar will survive in some form (probably to the woe of the rest of the party) and Mr. Snuffles is win. Everybody knows that.

Also: First Post as a new member! I would have gone to the "New Users Say Hello" thread, but it was closed for new posts.

[Porthos]

Of course all of these crackpot theories ignore the rather obvious implication of line "so I saw no reason not to have my fun where I could (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0572.html)".

If Belkar was still going to be around in some fashion or another, then The Oracle would have plenty of opportunity to get his revenge on Belkar later on. But since Belkar isn't long for this world, then The Oracle had to get his jollies when he could.

And he did. In a most spectacular fashion. :smalltongue:

The only way the complete line of "At any rate, your pal isn't long for this world, so I saw no reason not to have my fun where I could," makes any sense is if Belkar isn't around in ANY form.

----

Man. This forum is going to rip itself to shreads when the little ankle-biter kicks it, isn't it? :smallamused:

[Menas]

How about this - Belkar draws his last breath, along with everyone else. Multiple people try to control the god-eating monster and fail, and it decides to reward them all by destroying the universe instead.

[Aaron]

Man. This forum is going to rip itself to shreads when the little ankle-biter kicks it, isn't it? :smallamused:

That it will. The entire website forum members will have a meltdown and beg for Belkar to come back.:smallbiggrin:

[veti]

The only way the complete line of "At any rate, your pal isn't long for this world, so I saw no reason not to have my fun where I could," makes any sense is if Belkar isn't around in ANY form.

You're assuming the Oracle is omniscient. I don't think he is. If Belkar is still around in some indirect or transformed way, as the OP suggests, then the Oracle might have missed it.

[The Dark Fiddler]

How about this - Belkar draws his last breath, along with everyone else. Multiple people try to control the god-eating monster and fail, and it decides to reward them all by destroying the universe instead.

I like this interpretation the best of any I've heard.

[Lvl45DM!]

Well its the more original of the Belkar lives theories

[Porthos]

You're assuming the Oracle is omniscient.

No, I am presuming that the The Author is using The Oracle as his mouthpiece when it comes to foreshadowing. :smallwink:

[Lvl45DM!]

So you ARE assuming the oracle is omniscient :D

[Dreganastra]

I would tell you my theory on how he lives, but The Giant has already stated that if we guess correctly on his mysterious ways, he will change the story up just to spite us...

actually now that I think about it that way...

Belkar dies! He dies and never returns to the story!

HAHA! Suck it!

[The Rose Dragon]

My theory.

The comic ends before Belkar dies. We never get to learn whether he dies or lives, forever consuming these boards in an orgy of debate over Belkar's death.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Because Roy is a Chaotic Evil psychopath with no friends, no one who would want to resurrect him, who is prophecied to die and no longer be in the world forever within seven weeks, and the leader of his adventuring team is glad about it. Or maybe I mean, because Belkar is a Lawful Good adventuring team leader who is attempting to save the entire world.
Sarcasm is fun!

Another reason: B gets unmade at some Gate. I don't think anyone ever said he was going to die, just things that would be fulfilled either by death or by loopholes...but being unmade would have that effect too.

[Brendan]

I could imagine Belkar tackling Xykon, and maybe a few random paladins who are getting killed by xykon into a rift and falling with them. He gets another chance for an evil act, kills xykon (though it would more likely be redcloak or some other high level but nonprimary character), and fulfills the prophicy. Heroic sacrifice does not seem like Belkar, though.

[Skeppio]

That it will. The entire website forum members will have a meltdown and beg for Belkar to come back.:smallbiggrin:

I certainly won't be begging for Belkar's return. I'll be in the back, shaking my head in pity at everyone who actually wants the inhuman monster back.

[waterpenguin43]

Mr. Snuffles is win. Everybody knows that.

Also: First Post as a new member! I would have gone to the "New Users Say Hello" thread, but it was closed for new posts.

But so is Belkor, and what about Ray? He was cool, it's a good think Darken brought him back.:smallbiggrin:

[ThePhantasm]

Doesn't really suffer here, does he? Rather watch him get torn to pieces over thousands of years in the abyss if you don't mind.
I mean, yes, eventually he'll become a balor or whatever, but that takes eons, and before then he gets tormented horribly. Even balors get tormented horribly. Even Demogorgan gets tormented horribly.
So no, getting unmade is too good for him.

You do realize this is even less likely than him being redeemed?

He may get sent to the abyss, but I highly doubt that Rick is going to repeatedly show comics of a main character getting tortured just because some people like a sadistic sense of justice.

[Tyndmyr]

Here's a crackpot theory for you. Belkar dies. He doesn't come back in any way.

This is as cracked as the cat theory, yes.

Basically, the oracle is all about(and has always been about) mildly obscure prophecies that, while technically true, are not helpful/true in the way expected.

I'm not certain exactly *what* the outcome is, but I guarantee it'll be more creative than death, and nobody bothers to rez him.

[Tyndmyr]

My theory.

The comic ends before Belkar dies. We never get to learn whether he dies or lives, forever consuming these boards in an orgy of debate over Belkar's death.

I have one counter to that. All the comic strip numbers start with a 0. Clearly, the plan is for the numbering to roll into the thousands. That's a *lot* of comics to happen in the few weeks he has left at most.

[Cracklord]

You do realize this is even less likely than him being redeemed?

He may get sent to the abyss, but I highly doubt that Rick is going to repeatedly show comics of a main character getting tortured just because some people like a sadistic sense of justice.

God yes. It doesn't have a chance of happening, the Giant clearly likes him for some reason, and wouldn't manufacture blatant hate porn just for me (pity).

But if your allowed to pretend he might get redeemed, I'm allowed to pretend he gets what's coming to him.

[Menas]

This is as cracked as the cat theory, yes.

Basically, the oracle is all about(and has always been about) mildly obscure prophecies that, while technically true, are not helpful/true in the way expected.

I'm not certain exactly *what* the outcome is, but I guarantee it'll be more creative than death, and nobody bothers to rez him.

I've noticed that about the Oracle as well. His prophecies never seem to be all they're cracked up to be.

[Menas]

I like this interpretation the best of any I've heard.

Why thank you =).

I doubt Rich would go for this, since it would be the anticlimax to end all anticlimaxes. But hey, when you put it alongside some of the other ideas that have been suggested it suddenly doesn't seem so outlandish after all.

[Draco Dracul]

Belkar dies, 5 strips latter the party is joined by Melkar the psychotic halfling Ranger who is definitely not Belkar because he has a mustache.

[Alysar]

Something just occurred to me.

Does anyone actually believe that it is even remotely plausible that Belkar has ever filed income taxes before?

[Dreganastra]

Belkar dies, 5 strips latter the party is joined by Melkar the psychotic halfling Ranger who is definitely not Belkar because he has a mustache.

actually base on certain "evidences" the psychotic halfling Ranger with a mustache would be named Rakleb.

who oddly will never file his taxes, because no he never has, having never been an upstanding citizen, and he will particularly enjoy his next birthday cake because it will have a stripper in it and while cutting the cake he will stab the stripper. then have her rezzed to give him a lap dance, and then stab her again.

Also because he changed his name Belkar will never officially breath again.

[multilis]

Belkar will find out about the prophesy and come up with a convoluted way to cheat death involving golems and world within the rift.

At the last moment, a squad of kobalds sent by the oracle screw it up, Belkar dies, never to be seen again.

[La Chatte Noire]

Do adventurers file income tax forms? How does one state "killed a guy and took his stuff" on a W2?

I vote intelligent undead. They draw no breath, right? We can have the level adjustment jokes.

[Elfey]

Something just occurred to me.

Does anyone actually believe that it is even remotely plausible that Belkar has ever filed income taxes before?

I now feel a death and taxes joke in there. I think it's likely he killed every tax collector that tried.

[factotum]

I've noticed that about the Oracle as well. His prophecies never seem to be all they're cracked up to be.

In what way? Every prophecy the Oracle has uttered so far which has come to pass has done so exactly as prophesied. Haley got her speech back by not looking a gift horse in the mouth, e.g. by taking disguised-Nale's invitation to dinner at face value. V gained ultimate arcane power by saying the right four words to the right being (himself) at the right time for all the wrong reasons (e.g. his reasons were to prove his ultimate command of magic before they were about saving his family). Roy and Elan both ended up with family reunions during the Cliffport saga. Belkar killed the Oracle, thus fulfilling the prophecy he paid for.

And the prophecy that Belkar will die was not only unambiguous, but has been repeated several times with different wording. I just don't see how anyone can say that Belkar is somehow NOT going to die based on some supposed inaccuracy or loophole in what the Oracle says.

[GreatWyrmGold]

I certainly won't be begging for Belkar's return. I'll be in the back, shaking my head in pity at everyone who actually wants the inhuman monster back.
Gotta agree.


...I highly doubt that Rick is going to repeatedly show comics of a main character getting tortured just because some people like a sadistic sense of justice.
I agree, especially since RICH is writing the comic.


In what way? Every prophecy the Oracle has uttered so far which has come to pass has done so exactly as prophesied. Haley got her speech back by not looking a gift horse in the mouth, e.g. by taking disguised-Nale's invitation to dinner at face value. V gained ultimate arcane power by saying the right four words to the right being (himself) at the right time for all the wrong reasons (e.g. his reasons were to prove his ultimate command of magic before they were about saving his family). Roy and Elan both ended up with family reunions during the Cliffport saga. Belkar killed the Oracle, thus fulfilling the prophecy he paid for.

And the prophecy that Belkar will die was not only unambiguous, but has been repeated several times with different wording. I just don't see how anyone can say that Belkar is somehow NOT going to die based on some supposed inaccuracy or loophole in what the Oracle says.
Agreed, except in not seeing how some people can say b isn't going to die. For some reason, there are lots of Belkar fans, even though he has many times done things that would seem to make us no more want to be his fans than we would be Xykon's fans.

[La Chatte Noire]

For some reason, there are lots of Belkar fans, even though he has many times done things that would seem to make us no more want to be his fans than we would be Xykon's fans.

Why couldn't we be Xykon's fans?

[itaibn]

My theory: the gift he got in the latest comic (#687) was wisdom modifier. Wearing it, he saw the futility of his violent ways and became a peaceful person, quietly studying the universe. To signify how he has changed his ways, he changes his name to Schrodinger, making the prophesy not apply any more to him. He tests his theory on he uncertainties in life on Scruffy, accidentally killing it. Or did he?

[Cracklord]

Something just occurred to me.

Does anyone actually believe that it is even remotely plausible that Belkar has ever filed income taxes before?

Please refer to Al Capone.

In fact, the Joker, pretty much the epitome of chaotic evil, isn't mad enough to try against the IRS.

So yes, I'd say so.


Agreed, except in not seeing how some people can say b isn't going to die. For some reason, there are lots of Belkar fans, even though he has many times done things that would seem to make us no more want to be his fans than we would be Xykon's fans.

I'm a Xykon fan. And I hate Belkar.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Why couldn't we be Xykon's fans?
He's chaotic, evil, and cruel, which makes him UNDESIRABLE as an object of fandom. So is Belkar, yet he has fans.


I'm a Xykon fan. And I hate Belkar.
Or, to be perfectly fair, more fans, and fans who show it more.

[CrimsonAngel]

I heard an "old wive's tale" that cats steal the breath from little babies.

Belkar weighs only 30 pounds and Mr. Scruffy is a highly experienced cat, so maybe Mr. Scruffy will steal Belkar's breath thus fulfilling the prophecy in part?

And then the ghost of Belkar will use the cracked pot as a chamber pot!

When I was a baby, my families cat sat on my face.

[Mysterio]

OK here's a different theory... I think someone in another thread was asking why there weren't any monks in OOTS... Just perhaps somehow Belkar *IS* redeemed, and instead becomes a monk going the whole poverty and humility thing... Changes his name to "Brother Something-or-other" so thus "Belkar" no longer exists either in name or in the behavioral patterns that so defined his former life. Not drawing on his IRA because of the whole poverty thing, no paying taxes not only because of the poverty but also because of the "charitable organization" aspects of religious organizations, that sort of thing...

Obviously haven't put a ton of thought into that, but just throwing it out as another "crackpot theory"...

[Serenity]

Belkar will draw his last breath. He should savor his next birthday cake. there's a very simple loophole, here, actually. Belkar will get that Girdle of Gender Change put on him, and no one will ever cast remove curse so he can change back. He will never draw breath or eat cake again. She, however, will live a long, bitter, bitter life.

Possibly, this will occur because Belkar finds out about the prophecy, and when in serious danger, will don the girdle to take advantage of the loophole. This was, of course, the Oracle's plan all along, to mess with Belkar even further.

[Nimrod's Son]

The Oracle says, "Your pal isn't long for this world" and "the Halfling shouldn't bother funding his IRA", so a name- or gender-change isn't going to cut it. He's going to die.

C'mon, if you're going to invent ludicrously contrived loopholes, at least pay proper attention to what's actually written in the comic first, eh? :smallsigh:

[Tijne]

Why can't Belkar overcome his current prophecy/destiny directly? -- Who says he has to fulfill it in any way or form? The Oracle was gifted with specific powers from a God; right? And we all know the Gods aren't infallible; especially when a God-Slaying abomination --an unpredicted abnormality that even the Gods can't account for-- gets thrown into the mix.

[Cracklord]

We don't know the prophecies come from the god, what we know is that the powers are granted via the god. That does not mean it is the god granting the visions, it might simply be the god is the telecom beaming them through.

And your point of the oracle being fallible would be valid, if we'd seen him fail. We have not, therefore, it is not valid.

[Draco Dracul]

The Oracle says, "Your pal isn't long for this world" and "the Halfling shouldn't bother funding his IRA", so a name- or gender-change isn't going to cut it. He's going to die.

C'mon, if you're going to invent ludicrously contrived loopholes, at least pay proper attention to what's actually written in the comic first, eh? :smallsigh:

When I suggested Melkar I intended it as a parody of gamers making new characters that are essentially clones of the dead character with a few superficial changes. Belkar would be dead.

[Nimrod's Son]

When I suggested Melkar I intended it as a parody of gamers making new characters that are essentially clones of the dead character with a few superficial changes. Belkar would be dead.
I wasn't addressing you, I was addressing the hordes of people who have suggested that Belkar was going to change his name to escape the prophecy.

But since you mention it, your theory is just as much of a stretch. There aren't any players in OotS, since it isn't a game. For Rich to kill off Belkar and then immediately introduce another character who is for all intents and purposes exactly the same character would be astonishingly poor writing.


Why can't Belkar overcome his current prophecy/destiny directly? -- Who says he has to fulfill it in any way or form? The Oracle was gifted with specific powers from a God; right? And we all know the Gods aren't infallible
Why would Rich have even brought it up if it weren't going to happen? If you think it would be a neat bit of storytelling to reveal that something so huge is about to happen, and then never have it occur just to say "Aaaah, fooled you!" to the readers, well... I'm extremely thankful that you're not the one writing this story. :smalltongue:

[banthesun]

Thank you Mr. Stormtrooper, the point everyone seems to be forgetting is that the oracle is a plot device, there's not some guy making prophecies, there is Rich forshadowing. After being so specific, having Belakar not die would be what's called an ass pull (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AssPull). Rich knows his tropes, and probably wont do something this dodgy. Belakar's an important element of the team dynamic, as the only evil character (except V. might take that spot), but arguably Roy was more important, and him being dead for 100 comics show just how little that means.