Insults For Nerds

[The Mute Bard]

I just thought that this would be a fun thread to throw out there for everyone in the playground.
A thread devoted to "nerdy" insults, sounded quite fun to me.
Therefore, I invite everyone to post their insults and have a good laugh.:smallbiggrin:
I will, however, ask that the posts be within the board's rules please.

Alright then.
Since that is hopefully clear enough...I'll start.:smallbiggrin:

"You're computer's so old, it can't handle facebook."

[Khanderas]

You are so computor-illiterate you shake your laptop to get the cookies out !

[Pyrian]

I see your name above your head.

It is green.

:smallamused:

[Jokasti]

Your code compiles so slow, you have to resort to wheelie-chair swordfights just to pass the time.

[Yarram]

Maybe this should be in the silly message board games...
But if I'm taking this seriously, the most insulting thing I can think of, is... Actually no, I can't really think of anything seriously insulting off the top of my head, other than an insinuation that I prefer Windows to Linux, or that Windows is better than Linux.

[golentan]

You're so stupid, you think the web is made by spiders.

Your computer's so old, you're thinking of upgrading to vacuum tubes.

Your momma's so FAT, she was made by Marc Mcdonald.

[SDF]

You bought an N'Gage didn't you? *BAM how about that for, still culturally relevant*

[FlyingWhale]

You're so lame, you use Rough Riders pocket protectors.

Your computer is so old, -.-- --- ..- / .... .- ...- . / -- .- .. .-..

Your e-mail is so old, Kevin Costner was the one who told you Y2k was a flop.

[kpenguin]

"I feel so nerdy in this conversation"
"Oh no, you're not a nerd."
"Thanks"
"You don't have the brains."
"..."
"You have all the social awkwardness, sure, but none of the intelligence to back it up. You, sir, are a dork"
"..."

[Trobby]

Hmm...a few classics ought to spice this thread up.

"You're not important! You're just an NPC!" (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/)

(In response to being asked about a topic) "Sorry, I'm not into Pokemon" (http://xkcd.com/178/)

And now a few of my own.

"Yeah right, that's about as accurate as J.J. Thomson's original model of the atom!" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plum_pudding_model)

"The only game YOU deserve is on the Phillips CD-I!" (http://www.brawlinthefamily.com/?p=254)

"I bet you couldn't beat Contra, even WITH the Konami Code!" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Konami_Code)

[Ganurath]

"I feel so nerdy in this conversation"
"Oh no, you're not a nerd."
"Thanks"
"You don't have the brains."
"..."
"You have all the social awkwardness, sure, but none of the intelligence to back it up. You, sir, are a dork"
"..."The proper response would be "As are you, but of a different sort."

The most complex game on your computer is Math Blaster.

You turn your computer off by unplugging it.

The only way you know how to roleplay involves naughty outfits. Hypothetically.

[FlyingWhale]

You're such a nerd, the jocks wont swirly you for fear of catching your nerdism.

You are so nerdy, fat-beards will not dare step foot into your Dragon's Lair*
(*mother's basement)

In twenty years you will have a reunion commemorating the day you first saw a bra.

The only thing your time capsule from school contained was a half-eaten bag of Funions and a can of Mountain Dew.

You're so sheltered, your mother wont let you play MineSweeper.

You thought girls had long hair to cover the mind implants from their Illithidoverlords.

[Haven]

Yo momma's so FAT32, she wouldn't be accepted by NTFS!


You thought girls had long hair to cover the mind implants from their Illithid overlords.

...You know, it would explain a lot...

[FlyingWhale]

You're so nerdly, you thought Tron was based off a true story.

You're so nerdish that you check under your bed for jocks before sleeping.


You know you're a nerd when:

You're night-light is a lightsaber.
You huff your inhaler during Homeward Bound.
You argue with Wile E. Coyote physics.
You find the fatal flaw in Tom's Rube Goldberg. (Tom & Jerry)
You watch Hannah-Barbara cartoons.

You're such a nerd, you wish you wore the bunny costume for Christmas.

[Don Julio Anejo]

You are so computor-illiterate you shake your laptop to get the cookies out !
What if I'm computer literate and still do it? :smallconfused:


The only way you know how to roleplay involves naughty outfits.
Good times.. :smallwink:

[MCerberus]

"Lame like an odd numbered Trek."
"In a world of Swordsages, you're a Truenamer."
"The only thing uglier than you is non-euclidean."


Yah those were stretching it. Not very good at nerdsults.

[Ganurath]

Good times.. :smallwink:Again, hypothetically. As in, no field data to support.

You think magic is overpowered in 4e compared to 3-3.5e.

[Solaris]

"The only thing uglier than you is non-euclidean."


Yah those were stretching it. Not very good at nerdsults.

Heheh. I disagree, that one's funny.

[KuReshtin]

Nerd Battle Rap (on IRC, of course) (http://www.bash.org/?870063)

[BisectedBrioche]

"The only game you can play is the one I just made you lose."
"You couldn't perfrom a hadouken if the controler had a 1/4 circle button."
"Yo mother can't tell Timesplitters from Halo!"

[evisiron]

"I heard you were so confused, you tried setting a lightsabre to stun!"

[thubby]

*in a melodic mocking tone* "you like captain Janeway"

[Dogmantra]

Yo momma's so FAT32, she wouldn't be accepted by NTFS!

No need to carry on. I may have to use this on one of my friends who might actually get it.

[Eldan]

"I heard you were so confused, you tried setting a lightsabre to stun!"

Note to self: try to build stunning lightsaber to prove guy on internet forum wrong. :smalltongue:

[Sneak]

You fight like a cow!

[Dogmantra]

You fight like a cow!

How appropriate, you fight like a dairy farmer.

[Serpentine]

Yo momma so fat, she's gone up a size category!

You made Charisma* your dump stat, huh?


*or Intelligence

[Blayze]

*cough*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cywgid3LxmI

That is all.

[charl]

Not available in your country. ^


Anyway, geeksult:

"It's people like you that cancelled Firefly."

Try to top that one!

[Cyrion]

Thou art a murderer and a thief!
Thou hast killed a baboon and stolen its face!

For you, beer pong is a video game.

[Dragonrider]

Steering things away from computer talk for just a moment... :smalltongue: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xy1M5VHF3no)

[valadil]

Hmm...a few classics ought to spice this thread up.

"You're not important! You're just an NPC!" (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/)


I've used this one, or something like it. Didn't realize it came from a webcomic though.



You made Charisma* your dump stat, huh?


*or Intelligence

They can't ALL be dump stats, you must be at least average in something. Somebody get this man a reroll!

or

They must've been rolling d4s when your character was created.

[Sipex]

-In response to being asked out-
I'd rather use IE, less chance I'd catch something in the end.

[Dragonrider]

-In response to being asked out-
I'd rather use IE, less chance I'd catch something in the end.

Nonono. I know the answer to this one.

"HOLY SCHAMOLY! It's a girl on the internet!" :smalleek:

[Telonius]

Dismissive: "Go back to reading Eragon, the real nerds are trying to talk."
Insulting: "Hey, look, it's everybody's favorite Gungan."

[The Rose Dragon]

Insulting: "Hey, look, it's everybody's favorite Gungan."

Hey, no using Boss Nass as an insult. He was voiced by BRIAN BLESSED after all.

[Blayze]

Not available in your country. ^


Anyway, geeksult:

"It's people like you that cancelled Firefly."

Try to top that one!

My good man, I can do no better than Weird Al himself. Since the video didn't work, here are the lyrics.



It's all about the Pentiums, baby
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Yeah

What y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard?
Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills
Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills
I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM
I never feed trolls and I don't read spam
Installed a T1 line in my house
Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse
Upgrade my system at least twice a day
I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K
I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him "Money" for short
I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support
It's all about the Pentiums, what?
You've gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen
You've got white-out all over your screen
You think your Commodore 64 is really neato
What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?
You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh
Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half?
You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette
You're the biggest joke on the Internet
Your database is a disaster
You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster
Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er
I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
You're just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

Now, what y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?

Uh, uh, loggin' in now
Wanna run wit my crew, hah?
Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?
They call me the king of the spreadsheets
Got 'em all printed out on my bedsheets
My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks
But it was obsolete before I opened the box
You say you've had your desktop for over a week?
Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique
Your laptop is a month old? Well that's great
If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight
My digital media is WRITE-protected
Every file inspected, no viruses detected
I beta tested every operating system
Gave props to some, and others? I dissed 'em
While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin'
It does all my work without me even askin'
Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide
I believe that your says "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side
In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user
You've got your own newsgroup, "alt.total-loser"
Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax
Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks?
Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you
If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you
What? What? What? What? What?

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
What??

[FlyingWhale]

"The only game you can play is the one I just made you lose."
"You couldn't perfrom a hadouken if the controler had a 1/4 circle button."
"Yo mother can't tell Timesplitters from Halo!"

TS is my favorite game series right after Zelda... :smallfrown:

[Sipex]

Note, some of these are specific to gaming systems and games so we don't need to hear about how...say "X game is so hard that you can lose in Y circumstances"

You know you're a bad gamer when:
- "you still miss with an aim bot."
- "your preferred difficulty curve is flatter than a plateau."
- "you're able to run out of infinite lives."
- "A A A is your biggest combo"
- "invincibility only increases your survivability by 1/2"
- "there are never enough hearts."
- "you think upgrading your equipment means getting a better controller."
- "your gamerscore has gone negative."
- "you unlock a mode lower than easy."
- "not even the rocket launcher gets you kills."
- "you manage to roll a 0 on a d20."
- "optimising means getting a stat above 10."
- "when thrown, your boomerang doesn't come back."

[Thatguyoverther]

"You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor."

"You preferred the episodes 1-3 to the originals."

"You're momma's so ugly she makes Jabba look like Leia"

"You're so dumb you think Asimov is something you treat with an inhaler"

"You're so dumb you when I brought up using the Transporter, you asked 'What does this have to do with Jason Statham?'"



I could probably think of better ones given some time.

[Thufir]

Steering things away from computer talk for just a moment... :smalltongue: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xy1M5VHF3no)

I approve. Also I agree very much with him. One time a couple of people yelled insults at me when I was walking home, and I spent the rest of the walk internally deploring the loss of insult quality in these times.

[BatRobin]

From Yugioh The Abridged Series...


"Listen, Yugi, I respect you as a duelist, but if you're just going to act like a petulant child-"

"OOOH, I'M SETO KAIBA! I HAVE A DRAAAGON FETISH AND SOUND LIKE BROCK FROM POKEEEMON! OOHHH, NURSE JOYY-"

"That's it, Motou, you're ******* dead."

[Lioness]

Dismissive: "Go back to reading Eragon, the real nerds are trying to talk."


Haha...I met someone who realised I liked English and reading, and tried to impress me by talking non-stop about Harry Potter.

Oh the epitome of literature. I wish I had heard that dismissal then.

[Thufir]

Obviously, one can quote things:

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are ccertainly coming to a middle."

"You're like a trained ape... without the training!"

"You moon-faced assassin of joy."

I'm sure I'll think of more.

[Jinura]

Your internet is so slow that it can't even download virus' from porn sites! :smallsigh: How was that one :smallwink:

[Cyrion]

Your IQ involves the square root of -1.

[Ormagoden]

Scruffy looking nerf herder!

You're not optimized for life are you?

You watch English dubbed anime.

You're rolling 1's

Outta the way PECK!

Oh look! its Tasha's hideous ba$tard!

All used atleast one point in my life :D

[Shhalahr Windrider]

"HOLY SCHAMOLY! It's a girl on the internet!" :smalleek:
(Image:)
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pix_plz.png
:smallwink:

[The Mute Bard]

This stuff glitters like gold, guys. :smallbiggrin:

[Thatguyoverther]

"You moon-faced assassin of joy."


Ah, the memories.

"You're so dumb when I said pi r squared. You stopped me to say, 'Don't be stupid, pie are round.'"

[BatRobin]

That's not a space station, that's yo momma.

[MethosH]

Your momma is so fat I need 100 gigas just to store a low resolution jpg image of her fat face. :smallbiggrin:

[snoopy13a]

Your IQ involves the square root of -1.

You can't spell IQ without i.

[Mr. Mud]

"Your momma's so dumb, she couldn't integrate an esti-trig function if I gave her a look up table!"

[Linkavitch]

Yo Momma thinks Square Roots are Vegetables!

You prefer the Phillips CD-i Zelda games to the real ones? Really?

[Lioness]

Oh look! its Tasha's hideous ba$tard!



Hehehe

I love that. Must use on annoying guy at school.

[Cyrion]

They aren't insults (unless perhaps you can get everyone in the room EXCEPT the meager-minded sword flinger in the room to laugh at them), but these remind me of my favorite limited-audience jokes-

What's a quark bar? The only candy bar with flavor and charm.

If I ever had a parrot, I'd name it Kane. That way it would be Pscittacine Kane. (My running partner, a vet specializing in birds, nearly ran into a tree when I told that one.)

What's purple and commutes? An abelian grape.

[Yora]

"Didn't you post that same argument on 4chan last week?"