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spacemanspiff
2009-10-30, 08:06 PM
I'm currently playing a changeling bard in my friend's 4e game and I'm having a lot of fun with it. However with the low amount of encounter/daily/utility powers available at my level (5), I've been relying almost entirely on my at-will power Vicious Mockery.

My DM thinks its funny that I've been killing things with well placed insults (and a bit of arcane magic) and offered to add an increase in damage to the attack if I can come up with some good insults. So I was hoping that some people here who are more experienced with roleplaying could think of some good insults? Maybe even bond one liners! Ok, maybe not those....

Master_Rahl22
2009-10-30, 08:52 PM
"I blow my nose at you!"
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"
"He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory"
"I never forget a face
But in your case I'll make an exception"

Google is your friend too. First result for insults (http://www.insults.net)

Starscream
2009-10-30, 08:54 PM
..."You fight like a cow?" Might be good against minotaurs.

Belkarsbadside1
2009-10-30, 08:55 PM
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

It looks light your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork

Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

By the way, love your name.

spacemanspiff
2009-10-30, 09:09 PM
Thanks everyone!

@MasterRhal- I feel kind of embarrassed that I didn't try that first. Although it is a bit hard to find insults directed at Kobolds on Google.

@Belkarsbadside- Thank you :smallbiggrin:

Tiki Snakes
2009-10-30, 09:24 PM
@MasterRhal- I feel kind of embarrassed that I didn't try that first. Although it is a bit hard to find insults directed at Kobolds on Google.

"Mammal".
That should about do it. :)

Dyllan
2009-10-30, 10:31 PM
I had a similar thread up here a few months ago, for the same reason (although my DM wasn't giving me any bonus for good insults, I just liked the idea). I made a list of insults off of it, but they're on another computer I can't get to right now. I'll try to dig them up and post them.

But, I've also had a lot of mileage from "your momma" jokes, made up on the fly. For instance, "you're Momma was a pudding pop" works for any ooze. Or "your momma was a cat" to gnolls. And one of my favorites, when attacking a giant ant who was protecting his queen, "your momma's... over there" and I pointed at the queen. Surprisingly, that worked Ants aren't very smart.

jiriku
2009-10-30, 10:51 PM
"Truly your prowess cannot be overestimated."

"I came to fight fearsome beasts. But I suppose you'll do."

"Just let me kill you; it will be more merciful. The cleric over there will use a mirror on you."

"Have at you foul beast! I'll battle you to the blackest pits of-- oh, my, terribly sorry. Are you the help?"

"Shall I cleave your skull or hack off your manhood? From the look of you, neither sees much use."

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-10-30, 10:57 PM
Racist:Used against a golem: Your mother was a Warforged and your father an animated dildo.

@ a gnoll: After killing you I'd buy a night shoving it up your brother's bum, but I don't want to deny your mom the pleasure(requires a DM who knows a bit about hyenas).

@ a Kobold: That trick wouldn't fool a gnome.

@ a Dorf: That blow would have hit me if you could hold your beer better.

@ an Elf: You're an elf. Classist:@ Arcanist: Is that stink your robes, your spell components, or the (familiar's species) pee down your back. Or is it you?

@ a Rogue: So, did you stab me in the back because you want to spare me the pain of seeing your face? Or because you really want to stab me about 12" lower?

@ a fighter: I could think up a humorous insult for you, but it would just go over your head anyways.

@ a cleric: What, was wandering door to door and trying to persuade people to worship your particular sky fairy not intrusive enough?

Tiki Snakes
2009-10-30, 11:01 PM
Ahahaha. Sky Fairy.

Totally Stealing That.

Sir Homeslice
2009-10-31, 01:21 AM
"Quite an impressive display. Tell me, what is your fee for childrens' festivals?"

DragonBaneDM
2009-10-31, 01:33 AM
For Orphans:
"Alright kids! Let's play the 'Who's Got The Most Parents Game!!!'.... I WIN AGAIN!!!"

Not good for combat. But find and use it. Oh. And courtesy of the Rakish Swashbuckler...

"With a face like that, it's no wonder your mother loves me best!"

KillianHawkeye
2009-10-31, 12:17 PM
insults directed at Kobolds

Call them a gecko and ask if they're "here to save us hundreds of gold on wagon insurance." Including a funny accent is optional. :smallwink:

herrhauptmann
2009-10-31, 11:32 PM
Shakespearean insulter (http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html)What better source for bardic insults, than from the Bard himself?

Dimers
2009-11-01, 12:56 AM
For Orphans: "Alright kids! Let's play the 'Who's Got The Most Parents Game!!!'.... I WIN AGAIN!!!"

Oofh. :smallfrown: Sounds like a great reason for the villain to start researching Familicide, just to use on you.

Inhuman Bot
2009-11-01, 01:13 AM
..."You fight like a cow?" Might be good against minotaurs.

How appropriate, you fight like a dairy farmer.


For Orphans:
"Alright kids! Let's play the 'Who's Got The Most Parents Game!!!'.... I WIN AGAIN!!!"


Amazing and horrible. :smalltongue:

Krazddndfreek
2009-11-01, 01:23 AM
"There are housecats deadlier than you!"

Because it used to be true.