Worst things to have on your character's tombstone as a cause of death?

[Volkov]

In D&D, there are many silly ways to die, and many embarassing things to get killed by.

here's my starting entry.

"Killed to death until no longer alive by a godamned Dire fricken Turkey."

[Logalmier]

"Jumped into the green devil's mouth."

[Volkov]

"Put Head into the Giant Snapping Turtle's gaping mouth."

[lvl 1 sharnian]

"Died by natural causes"

Or

"Equipped Head of Vecna"

[Zeta Kai]

"Mooned the Tarrasque." :smallamused:

"Pantsed a Balor." :smallbiggrin:

"Groped a Solar." :smalleek:

[Volkov]

"Fought that damned crab at level one."

[Temet Nosce]

"Here lies Fred, he died before he could even face a Goblin. A housecat scratching post in death, as in life." on a wooden tombstone.

[Boci]

"Drank bottle labelled "Posion" on the offchance it was a healing potion"

"Believed in the goodness of all things. Died asking zombies for direction"

Neither of those are mine, but I forget their sources.

[Yukitsu]

Drank a bottle of poison and became a lich.

Yes, that's on the tombstone over his empty coffin. His parents were very embarrased at the funeral, as it was open casket and he kept chatting with the guests.

[Volkov]

"Trampled to death by a Seismosaurus herd and was too stupid to move out of the way."

[wormwood]

"Swallowed by giant carp."

Thus was the fate of my 1st edition Wu Jen.

Of course, there wasn't anything left to bury.

[Assassin89]

"Tentacle Rape"

That is all.

[Volkov]

"Said the coins in a Great Wyrm Red Dragon's hoard were fakes."

[oxinabox]

"Killed by a goddamn dire squirrels"
Almost happened.
We we in a forrest (wich we'ld only recently arived in) and some druids sent us to deliver a message. (to there main circle/counsel deeper in tthe forrest)
anyway before we left we asked; "So anything dangerous live in this forrest?"
Druid: "most of the animals, fled cos of the fighting, all that's left are the squirels"
party: "haha, oh noo's the squirel, we're screwed LOL" [sic]
druid looks at us confused...:smallconfused:

so we deiver the message, and are on our way back.

the fighter (yes the fighter, i don't know how, but he has by far the best spot in the party...) see something ahead.
it's a deer, we decide: "Mmm, delicious" since the druids wouldn't give use any meat.
were shot at it, and it runs off.
the fighter hears some russelling in the busses.
dm: "You see 6 squirel..." *looks through his notes* "uh, ... they're 6ft tall"
*gulp*
we fight, take heavy damage, one party member knocked uncousios the rest of us getting kinda scary close to it aswell.
we can't hit them, their so quick and nimble
eventally the psion makes there brains explode...
but not before another partymenber was knocked out.

I'm carrying a unconcios party member (we had noone at all with healing magic).
I say: "Oh i'll grab a couple of those squirrels, and skin them latter"
DM: "I doubt you can lift them, whats your str? anway where would you put them?"
Me: "huh? their squirrels, i'll tie them to my belt"
Party: "Squirells the size of large men, remember?"
me: "... oh yeah..."


Also
"Han Smith - fighter 20;
Killed by Ooze."

[Mr. Mud]

"Laughed at the man in the Trailduster, holding several cages of Canaries"

[Saintheart]

"Thought Tuckers' Kobolds was just the DM being overly possessive of his monsters."

[Volkov]

"John Smith Wizard level 30. Got into a Magic duel with 2e vecna, was royally owned."

[oxinabox]

"Drank bottle labelled "Posion" on the offchance it was a healing potion"

Neither of those are mine, but I forget their sources.
... I believe that would be me.
I thought: "What better way to hide your valuable potions of Heal, while stiull having them at hand, than to lable them poison"

[Volkov]

"Fighter level 3. Thought that the hippos in the river were so adorable he had to hug them. Learned that hippos are mean bastards the hard way."

[Pharaoh's Fist]

STI's. That is all.

[Volkov]

"Mistook a Megalodon for a friendly whale."

[Boci]

... I believe that would be me.
I thought: "What better way to hide your valuable potions of Heal, while stiull having them at hand, than to lable them poison"

Possibly. I vaguely recall reading it on some 2E site, maybe vastonia? But it could have been you.


STI's. That is all.

The I stands for infection? I know them as STD.

[Volkov]

"Gave laxatives to a severely constipated Seismosaurus, was crushed with three tons of sauropod dung."

[robgrayert]

"Wand Malfunction"

[Volkov]

"Wand Malfunction"

Is the euphemism intended?

[Choco]

"Talked smack to the short-tempered FRIENDLY general, learning the hard way that Chaotic Stupid is best snuffed out early"

[oxinabox]

... I believe that would be me.
I thought: "What better way to hide your valuable potions of Heal, while stiull having them at hand, than to lable them poison"
Possibly. I vaguely recall reading it on some 2E site, maybe vastonia? But it could have been you.
Great (fighter) minds think alike, i'm sure it's happened more than once

[Zeta Kai]

STI's. That is all.

As is typical when some says "That is all", I don't understand what the preceding phrase means, making the use of "That is all" even more obnoxious that it already is. :smallannoyed:

[Siosilvar]

As is typical when some says "That is all", I don't understand what the preceding phrase means, making the use of "That is all" even more obnoxious that it already is. :smallannoyed:

I believe what was meant is STDs.

[dragonfan6490]

"Was running away from Ogres, only to be met by a dragon avenging their Wyrmling <insert name here> slew earlier in the adventure"

[Inhuman Bot]

"Died by kicking a sink."

[Zeta Kai]

A lot of these could be easily replaced with "Angered the DM."

[Boci]

A lot of these could be easily replaced with "Angered the DM."

Really I'll be suprised if something falls outside of "Angered DM," Player Stupidity" and "Bad luck", but those three aren't funny.

[Gorbash]

"A Wizard, A scholar.

Killed by books."

Literally. Bunch of flying books (a trap) that attacked anyone who entered the library.

[MCerberus]

"Thought burning down a library was a good thing to do before planning an escape route."

[Green Bean]

"Failure to Count to Six"

Let's just say it involved an unfortunate Fighter, a map, a room with an illusory floor, and a particularly evil Bard.



I believe what was meant is STDs.

STIs is the correct term. They changed it recently to be more accurate.

[Volkov]

"Was killed by a giant filter feeding crocodile."

It turns out eight tons of crocodile still kills you no matter if it's a carnivore or a filter feeder. It tripped me and then sat on me, I didn't stand a chance.

[Dusk Eclipse]

"Tripped over the spiked pit"

[dragonfan6490]

Forgot to buy trail rations. Seriously, how many people actually have trail rations on their character sheets? :smallbiggrin:

[oxinabox]

1hit KO from pimp-slap by Monarch, after Monarch decided PC had provoked the scarecrow.

and everyone involve was actually fully sane, and in there right mind.

[EndlessWrath]

"I taunted the DM."

You can also say...

"I taunted the herd of colossal Ancient black dragons."

"Tripped into a Gelatinous Cube"

[oxinabox]

"Didn't optimise enough"

I made a fighter who wore leather armour and had the feats:
Run, weapon focus dagger, weapon focus halberd, quickdraw, pointblank shot

fought with a dagger, and shortspears, and longbow, (never did get a halberd), never threw daggers (as dm said it the need the "throwing property" to be thrown).

[The Dark Fiddler]

"Killed by an animated doll, and animated plush toys."

True story.

That poor Barbarian.

[ZeroSpace9000]

"Here lies Karybdus. Dead by ingested Green Slime"

[ondonaflash]

"here lies Hank, loved to death, he slept with nymphs, they stole his breath"

Baldur's Gate and Fable both had a full set of joke graves.

"Dave F, slain by 13 Gibberlings, 4 Kobolds, 6 Ogres, and 2 Dire Wolfs.

Ne invoces expellere non possis
(Do not call up that you cannot put down)"

"Here lies John W:

looked up the mine shaft
to see if the cart was on the way down.
It was."

"Here lies Andrew, the quality of his armour was not assured."

"Here lies the body of Rob.
If not, please notify the undertakers at once."

"Larry's last words:
"Let's split up, we'll cover more ground""

"Here lies Kelly, an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go"

[Foryn Gilnith]

Dragonwrought Kobold. Died of old age.

[Project_Mayhem]

"Died by kicking a sink."

Beaten to it. Darn

[theMycon]

STIs is the correct term. They changed it recently to be more accurate.
Wrong. They were both introduced in the 90's; side by side, specifically so there was a distinction between what the two mean; both were previously wrapped under the term "Venereal Disease." In this case, STI is explicitly the wrong term.

STI is "infection" only- meaning that someone has the infectant; be it virus, bacteria, or parasite. STD is "disease"; as in "they are suffering from the infection." So, everyone who has an STD has an STI, but not everyone with an STI has an STD; while someone with an STI only can still transmit something that becomes an STD, they are (strangely) still considered distinct matters. If they show any symptoms or suffer from it in any way, STD is the proper term.


Anyway...
"Got talked out of taking an NPC class"
I wanted (for roleplay reasons) for my monk's final (16th) level to be Adept; this would come with the advantage of giving him the adept spell-list for the bazillion scrolls we had around; my DM very strongly urged me to take fighter or something melee oriented instead. After brief disagreement I relented.

Skip a five hour long final battle where I tore 5 vrocks and 12 clerics (8 level 11+, 4 13+) apart with my bare hands; landed a lifesaving stunning fist on the boss's cohort (sorc 17) which the ranger demolished next round (he also killed... dunno, 16 soldiers? They landed one attack before he arrow-stormed them; they were all favored enemies and he was getting rid of those slayer/bane arrows he'd picked up.); the wizard takes down a gigantic snake demon ("enemy's god spelled backwards" was its name) before falling to an implosion (from full to -56HP); and our cleric basically twiddled her thumbs 'til the same implosion spell killed her the next round.

Skip all that; and the battle ends with my disjunction'd, permanently blinded, STR-drained to -2 but animated by the Bulls Str spell our cleric got off just before dying monk in a fist-fight with the enemy leader, a dispelled, weapon sundered, also-blinded cleric 19 who's run out of spells over 5th level; and the ranger's animal companion, who is at 3 HP and hiding in a corner. Since I have blind-fight/the mage-slayer tree and my monk's belt was one of three items which survived the disjunction; I manage to barely win.

And then, shove some flecks of party members into the Bag of Holding (can't find any more after the implosions). "Uh... a bag of holding is 25 pounds. Can you lift that much with a Strength of 2?" "Damn... We have any potions of restoration?" "We have four scrolls, but... since we had two people who could cast it, we didn't think to have any potions. I'm not even sure you can tell which scroll is which." "You know, if I'd taken that level of adept; I could have done this."

I proceed to smash the ultimate artifact of doomful power the enemy had (not having time to deal with it properly) and then, about 30 seconds later, the Bulls Str spell wore out and I lay there, paralyzed, for three days until I died from dehydration. Jury's still out on whether or not the ranger's Animal Companion survived somehow.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

Housecat.

Augmented snakes on a demi-plane.

A wizard did it.

Choo choo.

It came up a '1'.

[Logalmier]

Drank a bottle labeled, "Drink Me."


It was empty.

[FMArthur]

Met an unknown fate in the Far Realm. :smalleek:

[Berserk Monk]

"He Tried to Seduce an Orc Not Knowing it was Dude*


And the Sex Killed him."

[Lycanthromancer]

Here lies the paladin Bert,
Who liked to do more than just flirt.
"Friendly contact" with erinyes,
Fell from grace, lost immunities,
Slimy doom (http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Disease#Slimy_Doom) put him under the dirt.

---

Dent D'Archer (of second edition),
Met gazebos with fear and sedition.
'Twas fired upon,
Sitting there on the lawn.
It was starved, and now he's in perdition.

---

A druid with mullet-for-brains,
Sought an artifact, lost in the planes:
Vecna's (falsified) pate,
It was fake, no mistake!
Killed himself for absolutely no gains.

[Dienekes]

"He rolled a 1."

"Here lies Bob, who on his quest to learn ultimate cosmic powers lost to a hive of bees at level 1."

[Ozymandias9]

"Here lies David, the last Lord of Wythran. He died, presumably, to suffocation shortly after being entombed here."


Wrong. They were both introduced
in the 90's; side by side, specifically so there was a distinction between what the two mean; both were previously wrapped under the term "Venereal Disease." In this case, STI is explicitly the wrong term.

STI is "infection" only- meaning that someone has the infectant; be it virus, bacteria, or parasite. STD is "disease"; as in "they are suffering from the infection." So, everyone who has an STD has an STI, but not everyone with an STI has an STD; while someone with an STI only can still transmit something that becomes an STD, they are (strangely) still considered distinct matters. If they show any symptoms or suffer from it in any way, STD is the proper term.

Actually, STI is still appropriate: in medical usage, they become interchangeable once the STD symptoms present. They still have the infection, and the infection is the root cause of the illness.

In addition, the nomenclature is significantly disparate from more general medical usage of "disease" and "infection": there has been some movement, particularly in the public health community, to standardize the STI/STD nomenclature to match. In normal medical nomenclature:
~An STI without presentation of symptoms to qualify as a STD would be a colonization.
~A presented STD would be an infection.
~Disease is more general: while anything involved would qualify, it would only generally be used in a modern context only when a more specific term would not be inclusive enough (or when a specific usage is taken from older nomenclature).

[RandomLunatic]

"Here lies Lester Moore
Gored six times by a wild boar
No Les, no Moore."

"Here lies Lucas Blake
Jumped in an acid lake."

"I told you I was sick!"
Because who catches, let alone dies of, disease in DnD? The save DCs are a joke, and there are so many other ways to get rid of it it is not funny.

[Paulus]

Here lies Wilford Bluee,
he should not have tried to to pet the tarasque.

In loving memory of Jeremy Frawn,
His first kiss was a succubus,
but at least he died with his boots on.

Here lies unknown,
for it is too late to ask him now,
but at least he taught us all,
one does not try to milk a dire cow.

Here lies Johnathan Stark,
let it be known he burned down his home,
because he was terribly afraid of the dark.


huh... I think there are all degrading into lymrics. Heh.

[oxinabox]

"I told you I was sick!"
Because who catches, let alone dies of, disease in DnD? The save DCs are a joke, and there are so many other ways to get rid of it it is not funny.

I know a guy who had his character die of mummy rot.
he wasn't happy.

He also had his mind raping inviable, fastmovign unrecondable assasin die.
he forgot the take acoiunt of the fact that even though he was fatsster tahn anyone, if he was encircled he had no where to run.

and his evil character die from vile damage, - he would either die from the damage, or die from having it cured on holy ground.

[PhoenixRivers]

"Here lies Byron Scoutsword, slain in his prime by a Truenamer"

[Thiyr]

"He died as he lived; charging headfirst into walls in the dark"

That's what happens when you're a frenzied berserker, and the party yells "More enemies THAT WAY" while pointing down a dark corridor.

"Last Words: 'Does this set off my necklace of fireballs?'"

In a wonderful show of player-schemes backfiring in an arena, the Radiant Servant of Pelor got grappled by a salamander...into a wall of fire. The necklace was intended to be tossed as a whole and set on fire by a readied action of the druid. Best part? he and the other PC caught in the blast made all but 1 save, and were STILL killed outright. I (the druid) still won the round somehow, though.

[Book Wyrm]

"Lost to the Tomb of Horrors"

[Berserk Monk]

"A Shining Example why a Wizard should carry a Weapon."

[Sploosh]

"Here lies Edward,
he died so we might learn
dont lick the purple stuff.

[gdiddy]

Here lies the Cohort who thought he was a PC.

[Akal Saris]

Actual ways I've killed my PCs: (mentioning only the more embarrassing ones)

Stepped on by a giant zombie elephant

Starved to death in the desert

PCs saw a room that produced a small earthquake that knocked them down. They stayed down and enjoyed a back massage, until the curtains that were actually green slime fell on them and killed them.

Death Stare from a bodak in the surprise round of his first combat before even saying hello to the other PCs as he joined the game.

[Berserk Monk]

"Here lies Edward,
he died so we might learn
dont lick the purple stuff.

Hey! The purple stuff's tasty!

[Sploosh]

Hey! The purple stuff's tasty!

Indeed. It was to die for. Ha. Haha. HahahahahaBWHAHAHAHHA!

[AstralFire]

Indeed. It was to die for. Ha. Haha. HahahahahaBWHAHAHAHHA!

...

-kills-

[Ravens_cry]

Death from acid and crushing while cutting out of a giant eel with a dagger in one hand. . .and a staff of heal in the other.

Me being very, very to the power of very, stupid.

[Sploosh]

...

-kills-

"Here lays Sploosh
he laughed himself to death."

[Masterclick]

"Does that set off the 7 alchemist fires I have in my pack?"

[Lycanthromancer]

Theloneus Maximus Mills,
Polymorphed, he got eaten by xills.
Too late, was his lesson,
In xill delicatessen,
Upon burrowing out, that crack kills.

---

Here lies my young mageling friend,
Whose lust led to his untimely end.
His unhealthy fixation?
A sphere of annihilation...
...Like a Cuisinart turned onto "blend."

[TheCountAlucard]

"Tentacle Rape"

That is all.Why on earth would you rape those poor tentacles? :smalleek:

You deserved to die. :smalltongue:

[Pika...]

Drank a bottle of poison and became a lich.

Yes, that's on the tombstone over his empty coffin. His parents were very embarrased at the funeral, as it was open casket and he kept chatting with the guests.

That...that is just awesome.

[the_l_z]

Wheel of Morality turn turn turn tells us the lesson we should of learned

Don't back up

[Flayerman]

"Oops."

"We Owe You 1 True Res."

[Volkov]

"Slipped on his own grease spell and impaled himself on his own spear."

[the_l_z]

"Alas he was always such a joker"

"he would get a kick out of this"
says the officer as he removes the cream pie from the clowns face
"Almonds, the silent killer"

[bosssmiley]

Victim of the Gnomish Mating Frenzy of 1477DR
Known unto the Gods.

[Lvl45DM!]

Not quite in the spirit but from a dragon magazine

Here lies Rogor the Clumsy
DOB 1403
Died 1425, 1426, 1431, 1434(four times!) and finally 1439

[the_l_z]

Here lies Macewounded.

"What kind of rogue wears a helmet"

[shadow_archmagi]

Here lies Jonathan Pale
He wanted to save his friends
So he summoned a whale
It landed on him; the ends.

(Character name has been changed to rhyme and because I forgot the original one, but yeah, one of my players did this)

[Sliver]

Here lies Jonathan Pale
He wanted to save his friends
So he summoned a whale
It landed on him; the ends.

(Character name has been changed to rhyme and because I forgot the original one, but yeah, one of my players did this)

I was sure you can't summon things mid-air..

[lesser_minion]

I was sure you can't summon things mid-air..

You could in 3.0. You probably could in 1e as well, but everyone was busy casting Create Water inside their opponent's lungs or stomach for a no-save automatic kill at 1st level.

[Curmudgeon]

#$%^& Hemorrhoids!

[Starscream]

Here lies a fighter named Varney
Whose behavior was overly smarmy
He boldly picked up his ranseur
And said to a necromancer
In a graveyard "Yeah, you and what army?"

Jeffrey was a rogue by vocation
Who claimed he was the best in creation
To show he wasn't just braggin'
He said "I'll rob that red dragon"
At least his family saved on cremation

The worst of barbarian rages
Could not match the tempers of mages
If you borrow a wizard's book
As learned a poor bard named Brooke
You should never fold over the pages.

[Telonius]

"Fate is cruel, never had a chance. My player just had to play Traveller, didn't he."

[Thorcrest]

Let his death forever be a lesson to us all... When running from your foe be sure to go back the way you came.

True story, when our druid ran out of spells and became useless he ran out of the room further into the dungeon and was brought down -13 health in one round. This begs the question: Why did you run further into the dungeon?

[nyjastul69]

He tried to grapple a ooze.

Don't do this, even if you're a anthropomorphic bear monk.

[Volkov]

"Got in between a mother dire kodiak bear and it's cubs."

[Nerd-o-rama]

Heart burned out of chest cavity by alien raygun.

Sucked into a vortex into outer space.

Bitten in half by a horrifying dragon-bird-thing.

Call of Cthulhu is fun.

[Bayar]

"Here lies Icycle, the Deep Elf Ice Elementalist. He was blasted by Sigmund."

My favorite one was "Killed by miscasting Magic mapping.". I mean, WTF ?

[Volkov]

"Entered the deep sea and was killed to death until no longer alive by the horrific abyssal fauna."

[Choco]

There was one "incident" in the old embarrasing deaths thread about a melee guy who was beaten to death by a 10 year old sorcerer. Now if that don't prove that casters are superior, I dont know what will :smalltongue:

[Glass Mouse]

"Don't. Attack. The. Darkness!"

[Volkov]

"Sat on by an Amphicoelias who fell asleep on the wizard's body as well as his entire party and camp site. Thus killing one of the few epic level wizards."
He thought that it was so unlikely he'd ever receive physical damage that he never protected himself against it. And thus he was crushed to death by a 200 foot long, 145 ton Sauropod. To be fair, the rest of the party was crushed too and they were all asleep.

[Glass Mouse]

Here lies Lonely Marty
Let his misfortune testament to all
you should never overdo your RP
lest of all on dungeon crawl


Oh, old hostage NPC
you died from lack of texture talent
don't worry, though
you'll be seen everywhere in this bland world
as this campaign's BBEG
wears your teeth 'round his neck


Here lies poor Nickle Dee
who learned, the shiny way,
never neglect your UMD


No NPCs were actually harmed in the making of this post.

[Teln]

"Sat on by an Amphicoelias who fell asleep on the wizard's body as well as his entire party and camp site. Thus killing one of the few epic level wizards."
He thought that it was so unlikely he'd ever receive physical damage that he never protected himself against it. And thus he was crushed to death by a 200 foot long, 145 ton Sauropod. To be fair, the rest of the party was crushed too and they were all asleep.

Lesson 1 of this thread: Don't piss off the DM.

[RandomLunatic]

"Sat on by an Amphicoelias who fell asleep on the wizard's body as well as his entire party and camp site. Thus killing one of the few epic level wizards."
He thought that it was so unlikely he'd ever receive physical damage that he never protected himself against it. And thus he was crushed to death by a 200 foot long, 145 ton Sauropod. To be fair, the rest of the party was crushed too and they were all asleep.

Lesson 2: Post guards when you sleep.

[Volkov]

Lesson 2: Post guards when you sleep.

On the plus side they'd have a hilarious story to tell the outsiders once they got into the after-life. "I was sat on by a hundred and forty five ton dinosaur while I was asleep"

[Lycanthromancer]

True story of mine from a DM who was a real *******.

My baby gold dragon Dillend*,
Got molestified in the end,
By a whole tribe of ogres,
Whose entertainment was vulger.
"Let's not speak of this ever again."

Seriously. *******. :smallfurious:

*Name changed to protect the innocent.

[Glass Mouse]

True story of mine from a DM who was a real *******.

My baby gold dragon Dillend*,
Got molestified in the end,
By a whole tribe of ogres,
Whose entertainment was vulger.
"Let's not speak of this ever again."

Seriously. *******. :smallfurious:

*Name changed to protect the innocent.

Please... please tell me you're joking :smalleek:

[Nero24200]

"Wasn't dead, buried me anyway"

For any PC that's chaotic stupid.

Or "I prepered explosive runes this morning".

[bosssmiley]

Taken from us untimely
(during Character Creation)

(I'm looking at you Traveller! :smallannoyed: )

[JackQ]

Here lies Thorin Ironaxe,
Hero of countless battles,
Destroyer of Demons and demigods.
Killed by a box.

(Our 2nd edition DM had a thing for lethal traps)

[Asbestos]

"Choked by a Choker"
"Probably thought this was FATAL."
"Kept track of HP by adding damage total, failed to compare to available HP before it was too late"

Damn players...

[Starbuck_II]

"Choked by a Choker"
"Probably thought this was FATAL."
"Kept track of HP by adding damage total, failed to compare to available HP before it was too late"

Damn players...

How does one confuse this with FATAL? Did he roll anal Circumfrance?

[BizzaroStormy]

"Killed a C4-Breathing dragon in its sleep, butchered the body for meat, took all the treasure, ran over it's kobold followers with a flying boat. Forgot about the Dragon's brother."

[Coidzor]

How does one confuse this with FATAL? Did he roll anal Circumfrance?

Or try to craft **** seeds of ****ing :smallamused:?

[Asbestos]

How does one confuse this with FATAL? Did he roll anal Circumfrance?

They were generally being an Evil sociopath, which I would think is the only sort of person one would find in FATAL. It was perhaps an extreme instance of not getting how to play a chaotic character (wasn't even Evil on the CS, but was retardedly so in play)

For all the DMs that ban Evil PCs, I'd think just as many would be banning Chaotic PCs (once played with someone that had a CN character and rolled a d6 whenever any decision, even the most inconsequential, was needed... When asked why they said "Duh, Chaotic Nuetral means crazy" or something to that effect)

[Asbestos]

For a familiar example, think about someone playing a character like Belkar, at level 1, and not as funny.

[Starbuck_II]

For all the DMs that ban Evil PCs, I'd think just as many would be banning Chaotic PCs (once played with someone that had a CN character and rolled a d6 whenever any decision, even the most inconsequential, was needed... When asked why they said "Duh, Chaotic Nuetral means crazy" or something to that effect)

Sadly, AD&D told me to do that. Back then, Choatic Neutral was just as likely to jump off a bridge as cross it.

[Brendan]

"Anthony deGrande, fighter/wizard/sorceror/bard/monk/barbarian/cleric/druid/dragon deciple/mystic thurge/shadowdancer/archmage/paladin/ranger/rogue/blackguard/duelist/horizon walker/hierophant, Born 1448, a LG elf, died 1473, a CE heavily templated elfish... thing. Death by XP penalties for multiclassing.

[Lycan 01]

Here lies Bushido Joe
Who wielded a Tommy Gun
And blasted aliens with glee
Sadly he did not know
That is friend was a veteran
With a shotgun and PTSD


Though his name is forgotten to the ages
His death will never fade away
After all, who else can say they saw
A screaming man deep-throated a stalagtite


Here lies a poor, forgotten man
Without a leg on which to stand
Of course, its his own fault, really
He ripped out his femur from insanity



Man, I love Call of Cthulhu... :smallbiggrin:

[Bayar]

Some guy in someone's sig back on the Wizard's forum:

"If I learned anything from AD&D (or was it 2e ?) is not to disintegrate a cavern wall without making sure it is not holding back 10000 tons of magma".

[Blackfang108]

Though his name is forgotten to the ages
His death will never fade away
After all, who else can say they saw
A screaming man deep-throated a stalagtite.

Every time I think of that story, it makes me giggle.

[Lycan 01]

Here lies Player A
He went quite crazy
After a rather bad day

He tried to strangle Player B
Over a shiney new elaphant gun
Only to get blasted by Player C

And upon hearing the body drop
Player B discovered the face
Of Player A in his mutton chops


THAT was a fun Call of Cthulhu game. Twas a special Friday the 13th session... :smallamused:

[Jade_Tarem]

Here lies Junji, the second kobold to discover the path to omnipotence.

Here lies a forgotten professor of Miskatonic University.
Trust us, you're better off not knowing what killed him.

Here lies a beastmaster from Gi'ger,
who smiled as he rode a dire tiger.
They finished the ride,
with the 'master' inside,
and the smile on the face of the tiger.

Here lies Beol the Bard.
That was some critical fumble table!

[Lycanthromancer]

Please... please tell me you're joking :smalleek:

'Fraid not.

Did I mention that DM was an *******?

[Volos]

"Metagamed"

[B0nd07]

Here lies Eldon Goodbarrel.
Brave halfling adventurer.
Mauled by tiger on the first night
of his first adventure.

He was on watch, I rolled for a random encounter and the rest is history. He was later resurrected.

[tahu88810]

"Here lies good Tagon,
Who thought he could disbelieve a dragon."

[Fluffles]

"Killed by Evard's Tentacles of Forced intrusion. It wasn't pretty."

[Glimbur]

"Trampled by a herd of giraffes."

[Pika...]

A former character of mine:

"Here lies our Half-Elf rogue.
We left him for a bit, and he tried to seduce the female Kobold NPC inside a Kobold dungeon.
We later found him dead by poison."

[Volkov]

"Spoke the words, 'What could possibly go wrong', and thus summoned a massive swarm of incredibly technologically advanced insectoid aliens, who incinerated him on the spot."

[Set]

"Here lies Damien, thank you for stealing that Necklace of Strangulation we hadn't yet identified from me and putting it on to see what it does."

[Zaydos]

"Sent to talk to hungry hobgoblins... turns out elf IS the other white meat."

First character (red box) just got 4,000 XP and just needed to finish the adventure to level, his allies shoved him into the room.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Barb's last words were "It's only a Kobold"

Here lies Forgoth the Footpad. He doubted anyone would trap 2 doors in a row.

*floating above the stone*: Gnome illusionists hold a grudge.

(the stone is blackened and cracked starting at a point near the top and fading as it approaches the bottom) Durglap, priest of Pan. It turns out even CN gods do object to some actions.

Black room, black floor, black hole, black-colored ooze. Brilliant trap created by the brilliant wizard Experno. If only he remembered to light a candle when getting the paper.

Belle used Celestial Monkeys to open trapped doors. The results of her visiting dead relatives in Celestia were predictable to everyone but her.

[arguskos]

Belle used Celestial Monkeys to open trapped doors. The results of her visiting dead relatives in Celestia were predictable to everyone but her.
Poor, poor George. He didn't deserve the suffering he received.

[Lycanthromancer]

Poor, poor George. He didn't deserve the suffering he received.
Oh, yes he did.

They're still monkeys flinging poo even if they're celestial monkeys flinging celestial poo.

[AstralFire]

*floating above the stone*: Gnome illusionists hold a grudge.

Belle used Celestial Monkeys to open trapped doors. The results of her visiting dead relatives in Celestia were predictable to everyone but her.

These are my two favorite in the whole thread.

[Flayerman]

Here lies the wizard Lon
Killed by Orcs, raised from beyond
Found himself a wand of wonder
Crushed by giants from over yonder
To kill it dead, the cleric cast
a ring of stars; caught in the blast,
Lon roasted alive. Corpse fell down;
a purple worm rose and went to town;
now the worm's got a wondrous wand
and farts out magic from here to beyond
And what happened to poor old Lon?
A pinky toe won't suffice for rez; he's buried over yon.
This grave's not for Lon, you see;
it's for his reputation, dead and buried.

-True story from my very first D&D game.

...yeah, Lon was me. >.>

[Volkov]

"Entered a breath holding contest with a Lizard Folk."

[Nero24200]

"Here lies Bob or, as he was nicknamed, Fumbles."

[dragonfan6490]

"A Sorcerer Critted by his best friend,
a level 7 Fighter,
wielding a scythe,
under the effect of Bull's Strength
that was cast upon him the
previous round."

Also cast the previous round was a demonic possession.

We were not happy with the results.

[drengnikrafe]

"Here was a once noble Cleric.
He should not have brought out that mistletoe in the church".

(Backstory: Low level cleric tries to get a kiss out of a priestess. He failed his diplomacy roll. She got a couple natural 20's on her "slap him in the face for being a cad" (AKA: Attack roll).)

[Jade_Tarem]

(Backstory: Low level cleric tries to get a kiss out of a priestess. He failed his diplomacy roll. She got a couple natural 20's on her "slap him in the face for being a cad" (AKA: Attack roll).)

And did more than eighteen points of lethal damage?

[drengnikrafe]

And did more than eighteen points of lethal damage?

There were plenty of houserules involved. And really craptastic constitution. My min-maxing somehow always has holes in it. Mostly due to awful rolls.
EDIT: And by "low-level", I mean... like, 1. I probably should've said that in the first place.

[tcrudisi]

"He died with his Second Wind still available."

That pretty much sums up this one guy I play with. He dies as much as most people playing 1ed Tomb of Horrors, and he always dies with that orange chip by his side, unused. (we use blue chips for action points and orange chips for second wind).

[Lycan 01]

"Rest in Peace, Barbarossa the Psyker.
The bomb in your head was implanted
Just in case you snapped and turned traitor.

Fortunately, you stayed loyal and true
And never lost faith in the Emperor.
Unfortunately, this is what killed you.

Your comrade lost faith in the Emperor
And sadly, the code-phrase to the bomb
Inside of your skull was entrusted to her.

So when she fell to Chaos' siren call
You were brave to confront her actions
Although your brains wound up on the wall."



Yeah. My bad... I secretly put a bomb in the Psyker players head during a Dark Heresy campaign, since I knew he'd probably get power hungry and turn traitor. So I told the other player the code-phrase to the bomb, because I knew if he tried to kill their character, they wouldn't stand a chance. Unfortunately, the second character fell to Chaos after they confronted a rather charismatic Daemonhost, and when the Psyker tried to convince a Commissar that the second character was a traitor, the second character said the code-phrase to silence his arguement - permanently. :smalleek:

[Eon]

the only death of a character i have had was when we got ambushed by hell hounds and fire giants. on the tombstone (even though noone survived)

Here lies Shar the Ranger,
who died trying to be a hero
whose frost longsword failed him
against fire giants,
geez what a noob.

What I want on one of my tombstones:
"Told a bad pun"
or
"how did he forget that?"

[Moglorosh]

STIs is the correct term. They changed it recently to be more accurate.STI is a relatively common term for soft tissue infection, not nearly the same thing.

[kball]

"Here lies Xeke, Died by drowning with his whole party (some with a +10 swim) watching. "

"Here lies Andrew, Stayed in the dragons lich's dungeon after his party left.. the rest is history"

"Here lies Griff, Killed by dust bunnies" (that's basically what happened..)

"Here lies [name], Killed by a party member's flame strike"

I think i've seen more party members die in silly ways then anything else.. and we run a pretty serious game...

[Berserk Monk]

"No one ever explained to him what the tarrasque was."

[Stompy]

"Died to wolves, before he even got a round of combat for that character." (I hate 1st ed. sometimes)

[Mushroom Ninja]

"Here lies [insert name]
Slain by a level 1 orc
Damn those lucky crits"

EDIT: I just realized that it's a haiku. sweet.

[Liliedhe]

Killed by a beetle.

Ok, it was a first level character and a 6ft beetle with an armor class like a tank, but still. It was a BEETLE.

Tried to wrestle a bison.

Some adventures have very sick ideas of what a proper test of strength is. It was the second in a list of tests my character had to do to prove worthy of becoming the chosen of a god of warfare and strength (or rather, a god of darwinism^^). Of course, the worst test was duelling the party fighter for the right to take the test... She won, only to have him laugh when he learned what the tests were. :smalltongue:

Killed by a bandit with a club. (at level 10)

Tried to lure a fish to shore on an underground lake full of monsters and got eaten by a giant squid.

Since this incident, "come here little fish" is greeted with screams of terror in my RPG group.

[Cracklord]

He swung across the two ships with his cutlass between his teeth.
Topless Harry, we wrote on his gravestone.

[FoE]

Here lies Gerald the Ranger
Who was quite handy with his bow
He learned more about an oytugh's digestive tract
Than we ever needed to know.

[Zaq]

"Split the party. He's lucky we even gave him a burial."

[Lycanthromancer]

Arry the amazing archer,
Level 20 before her departure,
Met up with the tarrasque,
Wasn't up for the task,
And then greeted his rectal aperture. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=130509)

[Lioness]

Here lies Shiori, who was stupid enough to continuously throw herself at a rather sticky slime. Level five no more.

[ondonaflash]

"Here Lies Cinder
Who Learned to Fight
Back When the Name Fire Beetle
Was Still a Metaphor

One of Many to Fall In Light of An Edition Change"

The poetry of a wizard named Cinder being burnt to death by a fire beetle is not lost on us.

[Chrono22]

Worst? Probably more like best:

Snu Snu

[Another_Poet]

Arry the amazing archer,
Level 20 before her departure,
Met up with the tarrasque,
Wasn't up for the task,
And then greeted his rectal aperture. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=130509)

w00t! Tarry Tarrasque Poops on a Fighter made it to the "worst things" thread!

I feel accomplished. Sadly about 6 more fighters are gonna get this on their tombstones before the challenge is over.

[Volkov]

w00t! Tarry Tarrasque Poops on a Fighter made it to the "worst things" thread!

I feel accomplished. Sadly about 6 more fighters are gonna get this on their tombstones before the challenge is over.

Isn't that essentially the same as the crushed by Seismosaurus dung death?

[AshDesert]

"Here lies the brave Fighter Anderan, crushed by a giant, flaming teddy bear golem, after trying to cut it's legs off."

We played a silly one-off session where we fought a high level CE Cleric who animated a full of Lewis Caroll style messed up toys and tea sets and stuff. One of the solo encounters was a 16 HD giant teddy bear golem. Our Fighter suddenly had the brilliant idea, "Hey! It's cloth! It lights on fire!" What he failed to consider was that throwing a torch at a giant teddy bear simply produces a giant, pissed-off flaming teddy bear taking 1d6 points of fire damage per round. That deals 1d6 points of fire damage per hit. Then he decided to cut off it's legs. He cleaved both of it's legs off with some pretty solid hits, but then it fell on him. Luckily, between the fire damage and the hits to take off his legs, the bear died.

[Gamerlord]

"Here lies bob, who tried to tank with a wizard"

[Kiren]

"Here lies Frank the Necromancer, killed by a horde of flesh eating zombies, what a twist!"

[Roderick_BR]

"Ran over by a mining cat, 'surfed' by an 'ally'"
My shortest lived character EVER! He managed to enter the cave and say "hi guys".

[Volkov]

"Here lies Y'gole the elfish druid. She was in dog form and made a bark near a dire kangaroo, not knowing that dog barking sends kangaroos into a bloodthirsty frenzy. We never found her head."

[Jade_Tarem]

"Died when his friends abandoned him, forcing him to face the gazebo alone."

[ondonaflash]

"Here Lies What's Left of Jayce T. Brite
He Pulled The Wrong Lever!"

[WeeFreeMen]

'Attempted Tomb of Horror"
"Was Intrigued my complete blackness within a wide mouth in a dungeon'
"Used ventriloquism to start a bar fight, sadly the bar burnt down; with him in it"
"Played poker with a Gold / Red Dragon"
^I did that one :D w00t for deck of illusions. :]

[golentan]

"Here lies Eric the Artist. Died making a craft (painting) check." (poisonous pigments)