a 500ft bottle o tequila

[Acero]

what do you think any characer in the OOTS would do if a 500ft bottle o tequila came into his/her possesion?

[Scarlet Knight]

Sell it to Goblin Dan ...

[derfenrirwolv]

Durkon: Drink it. ALL of it. He's a dwarven cleric, he has the fort save. edit: I wonder how many times he'd have to stack Thor's might to start chugging it...

Haley: Sell it for gold

Elan: Spend 4 hours amusing himself at all the funny shapes he could make himself look like in the bottles reflection

V: Complain at the illogic of its existence and point out that the weight of the glass alone should cause it to collapse, much less the pressure from the water inside.

Belkar: The worlds largest Molotov cocktail and the nearest small villiage.

Roy: Try to prevent the others from seeing it... EVER.

[Ron Miel]

Miko: "This is a sign from the Gods. They are telling me t' keeel her." (Beheads the next female she sees)

[Darius1020]

Miko: "This is a sign from the Gods. They are telling me t' keeel her." (Beheads the next female she sees)

wow, terrible pun

But I suppose it was worth a shot.

[derfenrirwolv]

Miko: "This is a sign from the Gods. They are telling me t' keeel her." (Beheads the next female she sees)


Remember that its miko, so all of her "interpretations" need to fit in with her preconceived ideas.

[Nimrod's Son]

Miko: "This is a sign from the Gods. They are telling me t' keeel her." (Beheads the next female she sees)
...Then she gets thrown in the slammer.

[B.I.T.T.]

At 500 feet there's not much you could do with it. I mean you'd have to have a fly spell or at least a mountaineer just to get at the top of it. There's no way you could drink it all in one sitting without going into an alchohol induced coma, and you can't bring it with you because it's 500 feet.

That being said I can hear this exchange in my head:

Haley: Durkon it's 500 feet tall, we can't bring it with us.

Durkon: We could if ye'd all put yer backs inta it.

Roy: Let it go, man, let it go.

Durkon: Ach!

EDIT: Then again, Durkon always struck me as more of a beer drinker.

[Dark Faun]

EDIT: Then again, Durkon always struck me as more of a beer drinker.
I understood it as: if Durkon wants to drink something he likes, he'll drink beer; if he wants to get "blitzed", he'll drink tequila.

[Scarlet Knight]

Miko: "This is a sign from the Gods. They are telling me t' keeel her." (Beheads the next female she sees)

Not with her a- lime -nt!

[Menas]

Not with her a- lime -nt!

*facedesk*

Ok, that one hurt. It was funny, but it still hurt.

[Berserk Monk]

EDIT: Then again, Durkon always struck me as more of a beer drinker.

If he'd said ale, beer, or lager then the joke would have been straight forward.

[The Extinguisher]

I wish I had a 500ft bottle of tequila. I would never need to get alcohol ever again.

[Optimystik]

I wish I had a 500ft bottle of tequila. I would never need to get alcohol ever again.

Whereas I would trade it for something I'd actually drink.

[The Extinguisher]

Whereas I would trade it for something I'd actually drink.

500 one foot bottles of tequila?

[Optimystik]

500 one foot bottles of tequila?

You got it! Well, except the "tequila" part.

[B.I.T.T.]

If he'd said ale, beer, or lager then the joke would have been straight forward.

Well I know that I'm just saying if he had a choice between a 500 ft bottle of tequilla or five 50 foot mugs of beer he'd pick the five mugs.

[Optimystik]

If he'd said ale, beer, or lager then the joke would have been straight forward.

No, it would still be confusing, just in a different way. (You don't usually find worms in beer, ale or lager.)

[derfenrirwolv]

You don't usually find worms in beer, ale or lager

You must be buying that high falutin stuff that hasn't been properly skunked...

[mikeejimbo]

No, it would still be confusing, just in a different way. (You don't usually find worms in beer, ale or lager.)

Yeah, exactly. Worms are essential to tequila.

[Darius1020]

Wow, i just got the worm in the tequila joke from reading these comments, damn i feel dumb...

[Acero]

Yeah, exactly. Worms are essential to tequila.

Actually, i saw tequila with scorpions in them when i was down in Mexico.

[Haven]

Wow, i just got the worm in the tequila joke from reading these comments, damn i feel dumb...

Heh, you're not the only one :o

[Tyndmyr]

At 500 feet there's not much you could do with it. I mean you'd have to have a fly spell or at least a mountaineer just to get at the top of it. There's no way you could drink it all in one sitting without going into an alchohol induced coma, and you can't bring it with you because it's 500 feet.


Your grave difficulties can be solved via the use of bendy straws.

[Acero]

whether it drinkable or not could depend on if bixby's hand can wrap around the top of it....

[mikeejimbo]

Actually, i saw tequila with scorpions in them when i was down in Mexico.

Oh yeah, I think I have heard of that too.

[B.I.T.T.]

Your grave difficulties can be solved via the use of bendy straws.

Have to be a heckuva lot of bendy straws.

[Forbiddenwar]

Have to be a heckuva lot of bendy straws.

Also, once started, the tequilla would continously pour out of the straw until the bottle is empty.

[Liwen]

If I had the 500 ft tall bottle of tequila, what would I do?...


I know! : Crazy plan # 56

Step 1 : Get a giant pump, 45 carpenters, 3 engineers, 30 metallurgist, 100 handymen, enough wood for a 530 ft tall tower, enough steel for a 1000 ft long 5.33 meters wide pipe, 4 astral gatekeepers capable of maintaining a 6 meters wide trans-planar gate active 24/7 for about two-three weeks, make that 8 astral gatekeepers, the additional four for the night shift and finally enough money to cover everyone's salary, food, materials, tools and shelters for the next 3 months.

Step 2 : Built a giant wood tower around the tequila bottle. Make is strong enough to support the weight of a giant steel pipe and a 1.3 Terawatt pump( it will work with a ZPM module).

Step 3 : Install the pump on top of the tequila bottle

Step 4 : Build and install the first section of the pipe from the ground up to the pump's ejection valve, following a 45% angle from the ground.

Step 5 : Build a 50 foot long horizontal pipe section, but don't rig it on the main pipe yet. Build the rest of the pipe sections you'll need (if you do this right you shouldn't more than 300 ft of pipes.)

Step 6 : Open the gateway to Earth in front of the pipe that's already fixed of the tequila bottle and install the 50 ft junction that's going to be half in the desert of the OotSverse and half on Earth. The precise destination of the gateway must be determine, your choice, in advance. I recommend any major city with over a million inhabitants for maximum effectiveness, be avoid the largest ones. (over 10 millions inhabitants and you'd need even more tequila.)

Step 7 : Connect the pipe to the water distribution system of the local Earth city of your choosing. I picked Toronto because the bars close at something like 5 pm over there so they never get the fun on of being drunk, the poor souls.

Step 8 : Start pumping that sweet alcohol into the water system and come back 30 mins after the bottle's empty to observe the result. Bring a 30 man professional cameraman team. This will be LEGENDARY. :smalltongue:

Alternative plan : Determine how many backup livers you'd need to not die over it, and take a few years to drink it all yourself.

[Tass]

500 one foot bottles of tequila?

That would be a very poor trade. As volume scales with length cubed, the big bottle holds a quarter of a million times as much tequila.


Step 3 : Install the pump on top of the tequila bottle

You need the pump at the bottom, or you will only be able to drain the top 32ft.

[Liwen]

Really? Can I see the math that support that claim, or a theoretical explanation?

*runs off to get a second opinion from one of the 3 hired engineers*

[golentan]

Get a glass cutter and put a tap in the bottom there? Better, put the glass cutter and tap as a single unit, animate object, and have it self install. Then pressure will let it keep spewing forth in a glorious AA nightmare until the last few feet. At which point you can remove the tap, widen the hole, and literally climb into the bottom of a bottle and never climb out.

[FrogMixer]

Actually it would be more than 32ft, becuase tequilla is lighter than water :)

Explantation: The pump would suck out the tequilla, right? That means if the pump would be able to create vacuum (more exactly, it will create pressure where boiling point od alcohol drops below temperature of tequilla, but lets assume that it is pure vacuum), that means you will get about 1 bar pumping force (difference between atmospheric pressure and vacuum).

1 bar can push up tequilla up to about 36 ft upwards. You just can't get more sucky vacuum than pure vacuum :P

PS. Sorry for any misspelling/grammar mistakes etc, English isnt my native. Believe me, I am *trying* to type correctly :)

[Teddy]

Get a glass cutter and put a tap in the bottom there? Better, put the glass cutter and tap as a single unit, animate object, and have it self install. Then pressure will let it keep spewing forth in a glorious AA nightmare until the last few feet. At which point you can remove the tap, widen the hole, and literally climb into the bottom of a bottle and never climb out.

I'm not sure that's such a good idea. The pressure at the bottom of the bottle will be roughly 1500 kPa (actually a bit lower, both since I rounded off some values and since tequila apparently is lighter than water). The power would be strong enough to send a concentrated ray of tequila 150 metres (500 feet) straight up in the air (if we ignore the air resistance). I don't think that damaging the bottle in any way will be such a good idea...

[golentan]

I'm not sure that's such a good idea. The pressure at the bottom of the bottle will be roughly 1500 kPa (actually a bit lower, both since I rounded off some values and since tequila apparently is lighter than water). The power would be strong enough to send a concentrated ray of tequila 150 metres (500 feet) straight up in the air (if we ignore the air resistance). I don't think that damaging the bottle in any way will be such a good idea...

Well, as long as you're not standing there when things go off it's okay. It's not like you can drink a full five hundred foot bottle anyway. Not that any dwarf worth his salt would admit that. I measured the bottle in my cupboard as 1 foot. The bottle I used as a reference is 17 standard drinks, so even before pressure compression of the depths we have 4,250,000 drinks. Average dwarven life span is 350 years.

That means that starting from the day you were born you'd have to drink ~34 drinks a day on average. There are so many things wrong with that, not that any dwarf worth his salt would admit that ever.

So yeah, as long as you recover a bit of it it's all good. Unless it's intended to beverage up a whole city. And in the meantime, it makes a cool weapon if you can do a directed flow at your foes. Or send shards of glass the size of cars towards them if the bottle breaks.

[Squark]

Arguing about the mathematics of a 500 ft tall bottle of tequila- I love this forum.


Honestly? I'd open up a pub, and use the bottle as a place to hang the sign.

[Teddy]

So yeah, as long as you recover a bit of it it's all good. Unless it's intended to beverage up a whole city. And in the meantime, it makes a cool weapon if you can do a directed flow at your foes. Or send shards of glass the size of cars towards them if the bottle breaks.

It would make the perfect siege device. It would both blow away the walls and hammer the enemy troops - in several ways. And the inhabitants of the city would love you.

[Linkavitch]

If he'd said ale, beer, or lager then the joke would have been straight forward.

Yeah, but then it wouldn't have made sense, 'cuz you actually put worms in tequila.

[Acero]

Arguing about the mathematics of a 500 ft tall bottle of tequila- I love this forum.


Honestly? I'd open up a pub, and use the bottle as a place to hang the sign.

As do I.

A cantina might be more fitting...

[sentaku]

Also, once started, the tequilla would continously pour out of the straw until the bottle is empty.

I fail to realize how a constant stream of tequilla going to what I presume is ones mouth is a bad thing.

[blueblade]

Taking the tapping and cantina idea a little further... The right thing to do surely is to start with a single tap*, only about 4-5 feet from the top of the tequila line? You'd need a significant gantry system to scale it, and probably a lot of tubing (winding around the bottle), but the pressure then would not be too great. Then rinse repeat 100 times until you're all the way down the bottle?

*with a diamond drill of course for a perfect bore. A crack would be a bad bad thing, and a horrible shame.

[Forbiddenwar]

I fail to realize how a constant stream of tequilla going to what I presume is ones mouth is a bad thing.

One does enjoy breathing, once in a while.

[Dancing_Fox]

Arguing about the mathematics of a 500 ft tall bottle of tequila- I love this forum.

And everyone seems to be making the ASSUMPTION that the width of the bottle is also scaled.

The bottle is 500 feet tall - but it might only be the width of a normal bottle.

It might be wider, to allow for extra thick glass to take the stress - but only have an internal diameter of say 1/10 of an inch. There may only be two regular bottles in there!


If Durkon really did need a 500 foot bottle of tequila to forget, and it was scaled to keep width, then it may not be DRINKING it which he is relying on for this effect. It could be knocking himself unconscious from all of the vapours from such a large quantity, or because as we have established that the glass would need to be VERY thick to be that size, maybe he is thinking about running headlong into it or tipping it onto himself to knock himself out?
(Comments on 'getting blitzed' ignored for the sake of the hypothesis.)

[73 Bits of Lint]

I fail to realize how a constant stream of tequilla going to what I presume is ones mouth is a bad thing.
Sooner or later, you'll have to graduate from college. I guess you could go on to post-graduate, but there aren't as many options there as one would hope.

[Scarlet Knight]

:vaarsuvius: "There! The proper device has been installed. Now when we add the worm, the displaced volume will force the beverage through the tubing, priming the siphoning action, and allowing for the tequila to flow freely for our victory festivities. Blackwing, fetch your sombrero!"

:elan: "How do we lift the worm to place it in the bottle?"

:vaarsuvius: "..."

[squid96]

Id cut a hole in it and see what happens next.

[OITS]

Id cut a hole in it and see what happens next.

Shards fall - you die.

[GooeyChewie]

Two alternative ideas, both of which seem easier than getting to the top of a 500-foot bottle.

Idea 1: Knock the bottle over. Then you don't have to go so far up to open the bottle.

Idea 2: Dimension door. Have one end at about table height, and the other right above the spout. Then, simply dip mugs into the tequila and start getting blitzed! When the level of tequila becomes too low to reach, dismiss dimension door and recast it at a slightly lower spot.

[sentaku]

One does enjoy breathing, once in a while.

There is a spell for that: Water Breathing (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/waterBreathing.htm).

[Nimrod's Son]

There is a spell for that: Water Breathing (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/waterBreathing.htm).
'K, how's about "You'd die of alcohol poisoning VERY quickly"? :smallwink:

Seriously, why would you think a constant stream of tequila would be in any way better than getting drunk on it at your own leisure? Not to mention that if I had to force-feed myself alcohol until I died, I'd still prefer it to be something that went down a little easier. Have you drunk a large measure of tequila in one hit? It burns.

[The Extinguisher]

Sooner or later, you'll have to graduate from college. I guess you could go on to post-graduate, but there aren't as many options there as one would hope.

You sir, win yourself a coupon for one free internet. Redeemable at participating locations.

[AxeD]

Durkon: Drink it. ALL of it. He's a dwarven cleric, he has the fort save. edit: I wonder how many times he'd have to stack Thor's might to start chugging it...

Haley: Sell it for gold

Elan: Spend 4 hours amusing himself at all the funny shapes he could make himself look like in the bottles reflection

V: Complain at the illogic of its existence and point out that the weight of the glass alone should cause it to collapse, much less the pressure from the water inside.

Belkar: The worlds largest Molotov cocktail and the nearest small villiage.

Roy: Try to prevent the others from seeing it... EVER.

Best post ever :smallbiggrin:

However, I doubt that you can drink a bottle of tequila that is approximately 100x your body mass without dying - no matter how good your fort save is.

Don't you take an INT penalty when you drink alcohol? I can't remember where I heard that.

[Scarlet Knight]

Best post ever :smallbiggrin:
However, I doubt that you can drink a bottle of tequila that is approximately 100x your body mass without dying - no matter how good your fort save is.


You must remember that dwarven livers are wonderful machines, able to metabolize nearly anything at an amazing rate and leave the imbiber alive and functioning (somewhat) when the rest of the world would be dead & buried. Kinda' like a fantasy world version of Keith Richards...
:smallcool:

[rewinn]

:vaarsuvius: "There! The proper device has been installed. Now when we add the worm, the displaced volume will force the beverage through the tubing, priming the siphoning action, and allowing for the tequila to flow freely for our victory festivities. Blackwing, fetch your sombrero!"

:elan: "How do we lift the worm to place it in the bottle?"

:vaarsuvius: "..."

Heh!

V regards Belkar as a worm.

#689 establishes that the sandworm would follow him into the bottle!

So assuming that the bottle were large and strong enough to encase a sandworm ... problem solved!

[Teddy]

Heh!

V regards Belkar as a worm.

#689 establishes that the sandworm would follow him into the bottle!

So assuming that the bottle were large and strong enough to encase a sandworm ... problem solved!

And Belkar probably wouldn't argue too much either.

[sentaku]

'K, how's about "You'd die of alcohol poisoning VERY quickly"? :smallwink:

Seriously, why would you think a constant stream of tequila would be in any way better than getting drunk on it at your own leisure? Not to mention that if I had to force-feed myself alcohol until I died, I'd still prefer it to be something that went down a little easier. Have you drunk a large measure of tequila in one hit? It burns.

There is a spell for that: Neutralize Poison (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/neutralizePoison.htm).

I never said that it was better, only that it was not a problem.

[fangthane]

Well, as long as you're not standing there when things go off it's okay. It's not like you can drink a full five hundred foot bottle anyway. Not that any dwarf worth his salt would admit that. I measured the bottle in my cupboard as 1 foot. The bottle I used as a reference is 17 standard drinks, so even before pressure compression of the depths we have 4,250,000 drinks. Average dwarven life span is 350 years.

That means that starting from the day you were born you'd have to drink ~34 drinks a day on average. There are so many things wrong with that, not that any dwarf worth his salt would admit that ever.

So yeah, as long as you recover a bit of it it's all good. Unless it's intended to beverage up a whole city. And in the meantime, it makes a cool weapon if you can do a directed flow at your foes. Or send shards of glass the size of cars towards them if the bottle breaks.

Hmm, your math is wrong here. You've indicated 4.25 million drinks, but if the ratio is consistent (i.e. assuming the same shape and that the bottle's sides don't need to be significantly reinforced for that scale, which may be a bad assumption) the volume is increased by a factor of 125 million (500^3) rather than 250000 (500^2). That would yield a slightly higher number of drinks (2.125 billion)

Assuming a 350-year lifespan and 365.25-day years (since the years listed in the PHB are Earth-years anyway) that amounts to about 16623 drinks per day.

As to the methodology of actually using such a bottle, there are only really two effective methods (depending somewhat on the physics of the bottle)
- Can't siphon (too much pressure)
- Can't suction-pump (same reason)
- Can't pressure-pump (who wants to drink dissolved pump grease?!)
- Can't swim in it (despite the disinfectant properties of alcohol, would you really want to drink that?! Knowing that someone is bound to piddle at some point?!)

Method 1 - Tap that.
1. Set up permanent walls of force (custom-researched to be both shaped to a curve and susceptible to AMF) inside the bottle.
2. Use fire-based magic to melt an opening (thereby avoiding teeny shards of glass in the booze, very important).
3. Set up a single permanent wall of force outside the aperture*, and affix a magical switch which produces two short-duration AMFs, one 6 seconds after the other. The first suppresses the internal force-wall and permits the aperture to fill with tequila, and the second (after the first has closed) permits the alcohol to flow out.

Method 2 - Tilt 'er back.
1. Attach some form of plug to the top of the bottle in order to control the flow of the booze.
2 Set up a pair of enormous cranes (may require more based on the bending stresses that may induce on the bottle). Minimum is one on the neck, one on the base.
3 Using the crane(s) on the bottle's base, tilt the bottle until it passes the point of equilibrium, after which the neck crane(s) will be supporting the load. At this point, lower the neck progressively as required, then finally raise the base to drain it.

*My initial thought was that perhaps an adamantine spigot could hold back the flood, but considering we're talking about nearly 16 atmospheres and dealing with a weakened glass bottle, I figured it may be safer to use Force rather than deal with the chance of someone (several miles away) sporting a new adamantine body-piercing. For reference, a WWII German sub would be pretty near its crush depth at the bottom of the bottle (contemporary subs could handle a bottle almost 5 times taller) - so it's possible that a spigot could be made to hold, if it could be sovereign-glued in without the force walls being affected or the bottle's integrity damaged too badly. It'd probably be easier than having to hold a bucket under the hole (to serve), too. :)

[fangthane]

Dammit, I completely forgot a perfecto third option.

Pump some magically-separated fluid into the bottle which is more dense than tequila and treat it like an oil well. :) As long as it won't react to or mix with the tequila, we have a winner. (i.e. something like molten gold which is non-reactive, but at room temperature)

And you'd think, working as I do for an oil/gas production company, that'd have been my first notion.

[Random832]

500 feet of water (and alcohol is less dense than water generally) is equivalent to 216 PSI / 1.5 MPa - within the normal operating pressure range for modern-day firehoses, and only about 3-4x typical mains pressure.

Also keep in mind that any glass container that can contain a liquid at that pressure will probably be quite thick at the bottom anyway.


Best post ever :smallbiggrin:

However, I doubt that you can drink a bottle of tequila that is approximately 100x your body mass without dying - no matter how good your fort save is.

You're missing a couple zeros in that estimate... remember, a 500 foot bottle is also going to be rather wider than a normal-sized one.

[Teddy]

You're missing a couple zeros in that estimate... remember, a 500 foot bottle is also going to be rather wider than a normal-sized one.

A normal wine bottle is about 1 foot high and contains 0,75 litres. A bottle containing 125 million times that amount (500 feet high) will contain about 94 million litres liquid. That is at least a million times the body mass of a normal man.

[golentan]

@Fangthane: Dangit, I knew I forgot something. That's what I get for doing math drunk.

Okay, just tired. But still.

2 billion drinks. Wowzers.

[fangthane]

Ahh, that gives me a perspective on the relative pressure I'd lacked before - which should mean it's very feasible to set up some sort of tap, if it's done carefully.

That's a scary bottle though. Assuming it's consistent with a normal sized bottle (which again, I seem to think is a bad idea anyway) its base would be between 5 and 8 meters thick, its sides close to 3 meters thick, and its opening would be some 5-6 meters wide. That's one mother of a cork. Or if it's a screw-cap, the little plastic cap insert that makes the seal would be the size of a large boardroom table.

[Acero]

That's a scary bottle though. Assuming it's consistent with a normal sized bottle (which again, I seem to think is a bad idea anyway) its base would be between 5 and 8 meters thick, its sides close to 3 meters thick, and its opening would be some 5-6 meters wide. That's one mother of a cork. Or if it's a screw-cap, the little plastic cap insert that makes the seal would be the size of a large boardroom table.

i dont know why, but now i think that the bottle could be an awesome apartment complex/home/ aquarium

[Forbiddenwar]

i dont know why, but now i think that the bottle could be an awesome apartment complex/home/ aquarium

Once emptied somehow, of course. Set it up next the the newly formed tequilla lake.
However, building a ship in this bottle may not be as challenging as the smaller bottles.:smallsmile:

[Liwen]

Actually it would be more than 32ft, becuase tequilla is lighter than water :)

Explantation: The pump would suck out the tequilla, right? That means if the pump would be able to create vacuum (more exactly, it will create pressure where boiling point od alcohol drops below temperature of tequilla, but lets assume that it is pure vacuum), that means you will get about 1 bar pumping force (difference between atmospheric pressure and vacuum).

1 bar can push up tequilla up to about 36 ft upwards. You just can't get more sucky vacuum than pure vacuum :P

PS. Sorry for any misspelling/grammar mistakes etc, English isnt my native. Believe me, I am *trying* to type correctly :)

Now that you mention it... I should have remembered my physics before investing into that plan... This is what you get for studying physics for 4 years at school and college and then neglect to refresh the knowledge into practical means for a few months, memory fades.

The following is not to be read by depressive minds, it won't help you out at all guys :

Am I becoming a clueless moron? I feel the potential I gained during my studies is slowly being wasted into a life of gaming and parties. I am 20 year old, already my brain and body are beginning to slowly deteriorate and I have yet to do anything that could be mentioned in a footnote of a random history book. :smallfrown: There has to be something I could do to resolve this... Huh what's this? A giant bottle of tequila!?. Guess I'll have some.

[Lvl45DM!]

ooo thats gonna end badly

Cut to Liwen riding the tequila bottle through several large cities

[Scarlet Knight]

1) Build tall ladder.

2) Build sluice device to top.

3) Hire ice elemental to keep sluice frosty.

4) Set up bucket well device to replace cork.

5) Advertise Parrothead party.

6) Keep Elan away from band.

7) Buy small tropical island with your fortune & retire.

Well, what did you expect me to suggest? :smallcool: