View Full Version : Seeking advice on a campaign intro [3.5/PATHFINDER]

2009-11-07, 07:27 AM
Hi guys, I was just wondering if I could get some judgment on the intro to my new campaign inspired by a quick ad-hoc game I played with one of my friends, the game is in an Italian Renaissance-esque setting (inspired by Assassin's Creed 2).

This is the first game I'll be running with any detailed political intrigue so I'm looking for a few pointers. just so everybody knows Adriano is the character my friend use in the Ad-hoc game, with Lorenzo and his older daughter Maria being the Villains and the younger daughter, Federica, being Adriano's love interest.

To All: the following takes place 20 years after a local Assassin was hired to lower taxes in Maerdaer, the city on the water. the Assassin shook down Lord Lorenzo Blackthorne da Maerdaer (Lord of the entire Blackthorne region). The Assassin failed in his attempt however, not realizing that the real threat was the Lord's Oldest daughter, Maria Blackthorne. In the years that have passed the city of Maerdaer has become the center of crime for the entire region following a string of exponential tax hikes, Maria Blackthorne eventually took total control of the region and tracked down the Assassin.

To Player 1: Today is the day where Lorenzo Blackthorne, your Grandfather, and Adriano Castelnuovo-Tedesco da Maerdaer, your father, are to be executed.
Your name is Alberto Blackthorne Castelnuovo-Tedesco da Maerdaer, you are an Assassin and son of Federica Blackthorne da Maerdaer and Adriano.

To All: this day 6 men will be hung two-by-two, all charged for crimes against the state and Treason against Lady Maria Blackthorne.
all but one of the convicted, Lorenzo Blackthorne, are members of the Crow's Talon, the Assassin's Guild of which you are all a part of. you four people witnessing this dark event are the only people who truly knew Adriano (head of the Maerdaer sect), besides his own wife. You were all raised by Adriano, all loved equally, all raised in the extensive estate he owned (which doesn't look like much on the outside, but magics make the place as big as any castle on the inside).

You feel a great sadness knowing that none of you could have helped Adriano escape his hanging today, because if he did he would live so very long to regret it and so would you.

None of the 4 men ask for forgiveness from Lady Blackthorne before the trapdoors swing down, they stand up-right with every last ounce of pride the can muster up, but all of that is ripped away from them as they all slowly and surely die, legs flailing around as they struggle to breathe and suddenly relax as their souls leave their bodies.

The last two on the hanging list are Adriano and Lorenzo, they are slowly brought up the steps and nooses fitted around their necks. Lorenzo pleads and cries as his own daughter, who sits across the crowd on the balcony of a building sits and smiles.
Adriano looks straight all of you with a sad look in his eyes as the crowd cheers in blood-lust and calls out over the noise, you just barely hear him.

"Protect the family."

These are his last words as the trapdoor beneath them both, Lorenzo kicks and screams and falls silent. but Adriano hangs there silently for minutes, his face going purple as he smiles defiantly at the crowd and Lady Blackthorne, he finally relaxes and breathes his last.

Any thoughts on how to improve this?

thanks in advance,