OKcupid.com. What should I do now?

[Pika...]

Um, sorry to bother with this again, but I am not very sure what to do next. :smallredface:


For all those who remember my Geek 2 Geek thread I am very awkward in such things, and have a few mental issues...

Anyway, I have been going through listings and answering questions for the last few days. I am not really sure what to do. It's like I am going through an online store, but of beautiful women?! Kinda makes me feel low and disrespectful.

But anyway, I came across this one an hour ago:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/tickledgeeky

She is simply lovely, I like her personality, she goes to my school, and yeah well. However, she is clearly out of my league and 19 while I am 23...

But anyway, what exactly should I do now? No clue really, nor do I know what I could possibly say in a message. I am not even sure if I should try messaging, since she is probably swarmed by other desperate guys (come, attractive, "geeky", and on an online dating site).


Any advice, input, etc would be appreciated. I know, it is kind of pathetic to be making this thread, but eh.


ps. Thank you to those who helped me so far in the last thread.

[RabbitHoleLost]

1. OKcupid is creepy. Like, my experiences on there were all bad, and, maybe its just the kind of person I attract, but, jeebus, all I ever got were jerks looking for booty because they thought that I, being nerdy, would have low selfesteem.
Too bad for them they totally miscalculated.
2. How is this girl way out of your league? I don't mean to speak poorly of her, but she's on OKcupid, which means she's just in the same league as you. Plus, you're only four years older than her.
My boyfriend is seven years older.
You are both adults, and you go to the same school, and you're both nerds. The least you can do is ask to meet on a friendly basis and see if there's a spark.
And, you know, if she says no, that's okay.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Dunno, man. I was introduced to that site by Flutters, but I don't know that he still posts on here anymore.

My general strategy was to read their profile and comment on something I found interesting about it. Usually, in the wittiest manner I could manage. It seemed to work well enough at getting a reply chain or two. *nodnod*

[Boo]

1. Age doesn't matter 90% of the time. What's four years? What's ten? Being twice her age might be awkward, but that doesn't apply to you!

2. Why give up when you can give in? Go message her, or (since you said she goes to your school) go talk to her in person. Messaging will probably be easier (for you and many other men in the world).

3. Don't think her so shallow.

4. ..."short-term dating" confused me...

5. Sometimes it's better to act than analyze.

[KBF]

2. How is this girl way out of your league? I don't mean to speak poorly of her, but she's on OKcupid, which means she's just in the same league as you. Plus, you're only four years older than her.
My boyfriend is seven.



1. Age doesn't matter 90% of the time. What's four years? What's ten? Being twice her age might be awkward, but that doesn't apply to you!

You take the older one's age, halve it, and then add 7. That is the minimum age for no creepiness. (http://xkcd.com/314/) You're fine.

[RabbitHoleLost]

You take the older one's age, halve it, and then add 7. That is the minimum age for no creepiness. (http://xkcd.com/314/) You're fine.

I edited my post to specify my boyfriend is seven years older than me, not seven >>
Just making sure.
Please don't arrest me, Pedo Cops D=

Edit: And, in my opinion, screw that rule. If you're both legal and you're both fine with the age difference, who cares if that specific rule doesn't work in your favor?

[RS14]

Anyway, I have been going through listings and answering questions for the last few days. I am not really sure what to do. It's like I am going through an online store, but of beautiful women?! Kinda makes me feel low and disrespectful.

But anyway, I came across this one an hour ago:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/tickledgeeky

She is simply lovely, I like her personality, she goes to my school, and yeah well. However, she is clearly out of my league and 19 while I am 23...

But anyway, what exactly should I do now? No clue really, nor do I know what I could possibly say in a message. I am not even sure if I should try messaging, since she is probably swarmed by other desperate guys (come, attractive, "geeky", and on an online dating site).


Any advice, input, etc would be appreciated. I know, it is kind of pathetic to be making this thread, but eh.



You may find it interesting to look at the first-contact statistics.

Length (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/03/how-to-get-people-to-reply-to-your-messages-in-online-dating-part-i/)

Subjects (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/)

More specifically,


I try to reply to every message I get, but I 100% will not reply if:

The message is full of chat speak
I think that you copy/pasted the messege
You creep me out
I think that you're only looking for a "good time"
You didn't put any effort into it

As for age,
You aren't too much older than me (it's going to filter you if you're older than 24 but I still read them :) )
So you're ok.

Again, go for it. There's nothing too bad about being rejected. It happens, particularly in a medium like this. Don't take it hard.

[Coidzor]

I think the main thing is more like, a compatible match, due to the fact that, well, a 30 year old and a 20 year old are likely at fairly different life stages and so unlikely to really be able to yadda yadda be there and such in the ways appropriate for their life stage and such.

[valadil]

You should ask her out.

As a guy on okCupid, you have a huge advantage. Guys there are creepy. I dated around there for about a year. Even the girls who didn't work out told me how nice it was to talk to someone who was genuinely interested in them, not just in their genitals. By being not creepy, that puts you in the top 5% of okCupid dudes.

Don't make her into a big deal. Don't hesitate to ask her out. Every day that you delay, she'll get more and more important to you. That means that you'll have more anxiety when you finally talk to her. And if she says no you'll have an easier recovery. Also keep in mind that if she really is that awesome, someone else will ask her out. Delaying will only give other guys more opportunities.

Just send her a message. Say hi. Say something interesting about something in her profile (proving that you read it). Maybe make a joke (but not a self deprecating one). Ask her to chat. Don't jump to a date (or a hookup). If she's interested, you'll probably chat with her on okCupid once or twice, then aim, then the phone, then go for a date. If you try to jump ahead on that, you'll look like another horny creep.

[KBF]

Edit: And, in my opinion, screw that rule. If you're both legal and you're both fine with the age difference, who cares if that specific rule doesn't work in your favor?

That's an issue in my (extended) family at the moment actually. I have to agree. Who cares if he's 18 and she's 14?

I guess it does get creepier the younger they are, huh? It's still just 4 years. Age/2 +7. It's about the creepiness of the relationship in public opinion, not compatibility in general.

[Renegade Paladin]

That's an issue in my (extended) family at the moment actually. I have to agree. Who cares if he's 18 and she's 14?
The law?

[Line 2]

[Stormthorn]

The law?

[Line 2]

Depends where they live.


But anyway, I came across this one an hour ago:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/tickledgeeky

She is simply lovely, I like her personality, she goes to my school, and yeah well. However, she is clearly out of my league and 19 while I am 23...

Must...resist...urge...to steal...girl.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Depends where they live.

Age of consent in the USA ranges from 16-18. Assuming they live in the same country...it really doesn't.

[Coidzor]

Stormthorn: Am I misremembering, or do people from Kissimee have a high risk of bawdy humor being bandied at them?


Age of consent in the USA ranges from 16-18. Assuming they live in the same country...it really doesn't.

Unless they're in... uh... Mississippi!

Or in different states. Then it's an even bigger no no.

[The Extinguisher]

OkCupid is disappointing because apparently my crippling fear of talking to people and low self-esteem extend online as well. Who would have thought?
:smallsigh:

[Coidzor]

I just never know what to say other than asking about interesting things on their profiles and then not knowing what to do afterwards if a conversation starts.

I mean, the back and forth from that'll eventually die even if it does get going.

And introducing new topics seems to be an inexact science.

[Pika...]

You should ask her out.

As a guy on okCupid, you have a huge advantage. Guys there are creepy. I dated around there for about a year. Even the girls who didn't work out told me how nice it was to talk to someone who was genuinely interested in them, not just in their genitals. By being not creepy, that puts you in the top 5% of okCupid dudes.

Don't make her into a big deal. Don't hesitate to ask her out. Every day that you delay, she'll get more and more important to you. That means that you'll have more anxiety when you finally talk to her. And if she says no you'll have an easier recovery. Also keep in mind that if she really is that awesome, someone else will ask her out. Delaying will only give other guys more opportunities.

Just send her a message. Say hi. Say something interesting about something in her profile (proving that you read it). Maybe make a joke (but not a self deprecating one). Ask her to chat. Don't jump to a date (or a hookup). If she's interested, you'll probably chat with her on okCupid once or twice, then aim, then the phone, then go for a date. If you try to jump ahead on that, you'll look like another horny creep.

Thank you Valadi. You post is what finally got me to do it.

Not surprisingly it was as difficult as I thought it would be. Again, pathetic at my age, but better starting late than never I imagine.

I do not expect a reply, but at least I feel more comfortable with this process now.

[Coidzor]

What constitutes an appropriate amount of introductory flattery/flirtation or how to introduce it if one goes for an opening salvo which is... divorced from the primary interest probing purpose of the endeavour's premise is also... difficult to ascertain.

Glad you got yourself worked up enough to fire it off, Pika.

[Pika...]

Must...resist...urge...to steal...girl.

What's to steal? I am rolling trying to get a nat 1 on a d100 here.

Fair game is fair game. :smallsmile:


However, do you reside in this area? We can always use another playgrounder at my gaming table.

[Pika...]

OkCupid is disappointing because apparently my crippling fear of talking to people and low self-esteem extend online as well. Who would have thought?
:smallsigh:

Glad to know I am not the only one.



What constitutes an appropriate amount of introductory flattery/flirtation or how to introduce it if one goes for an opening salvo which is... divorced from the primary interest probing purpose of the endeavour's premise is also... difficult to ascertain.

Say wut?



Glad you got yourself worked up enough to fire it off, Pika.

Not so much worked up, just trying to force through some life-long social awkwardness and uneasiness concerning the better gender. Nothing big or to be worrying about I figure. I guess I over think things.

[Zeb The Troll]

Good luck with this. I don't have anything to contribute that hasn't already been said. But I will laugh if she's a Playgrounder reading this thread. :smallcool:

[Cobra_Ikari]

Good luck with this. I don't have anything to contribute that hasn't already been said. But I will laugh if she's a Playgrounder reading this thread. :smallcool:

...if she's not, it is to be assumed that you'll introduce her here. =P

[Pika...]

Good luck with this. I don't have anything to contribute that hasn't already been said. But I will laugh if she's a Playgrounder reading this thread. :smallcool:


...if she's not, it is to be assumed that you'll introduce her here. =P

Thanks, but I doubt I will get a reply. Even less meet her here on campus.

I honestly would be happy with a good female friend. From this or otherwise. (Not even to eventually date. Kinda odd that I can't explain it.).

And since you can not delete threads I probably won't lead her here even in the unlikely event that all happened. >_>



ps. Yeah, if she replies "I saw your thread on Friendly Banter" I will probably have to disappear, both from these forums and Central Florida.

[Pika...]

1. OKcupid is creepy. Like, my experiences on there were all bad, and, maybe its just the kind of person I attract, but, jeebus, all I ever got were jerks looking for booty because they thought that I, being nerdy, would have low selfesteem.
Too bad for them they totally miscalculated.

I am sorry to hear that. I hope girls/geek girls are not getting preyed on and taken advantage of there. :smallfrown:




2. How is this girl way out of your league? I don't mean to speak poorly of her, but she's on OKcupid, which means she's just in the same league as you.

But as a female on a gamers' forum you should know what that means. My correction, as a very attractive one to boot you should know what I mean. As Triumph said she "has the pick of the geek litter" to casually sift through.

Her inbox is probably always full.



Plus, you're only four years older than her.
My boyfriend is seven years older.

Well, I am four years older than her, but I am also overweight, less attractive than her, and less literate than her. Plus I am shy in real life, and socially awkward.

So basically the competition is fierce, and I am not a likely competitor.




You are both adults, and you go to the same school, and you're both nerds. The least you can do is ask to meet on a friendly basis and see if there's a spark.
And, you know, if she says no, that's okay.

Thanks for the advice. Much appreciated Rabbit. :smallsmile:

[Boo]

*above*

Firstly, you should start believing in yourself! [/hypocrisy]

And secondly: WE BELIEVE IN YOU! *waves giant "Go Pika!" flag because 'with dots' sounded funny*

Thirdly: From what I've seen of you, you have a fantastic personality. I'm not saying that like one would say "and I'll put the rest in charisma" I'm saying that like one would to a friend. If you really feel down due to any sort of weight, know that a large man outran me in a race. I'm thin, but out of shape. He was, well, fat, but in shape (not muscular, though). I'm relatively fast too. Shaping up doesn't mean you have to be thin, but it does help your self confidence (well, for some people, not all).

Hopefully this all didn't sound stupid and misguided...

[Ripped Shirt Kirk]

She builds ROBOTS. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED!?!!?:smallfurious::smallfurious::smallfurious :

[Moonshadow]

As someone else said, OkCupid is creepy, but I've actually found more creepy girls there, to be honest.

One was my one and only serious girlfriend who turned out to be bat**** insane and lied about being pregnant, one threatened to hunt me down and hurt me because I asked her to a movie, and the other... well, she started ignoring me after 1 date with no explanation.

Just be careful.

[SilverSheriff]

She builds ROBOTS. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED!?!!?:smallfurious::smallfurious::smallfurious :

Oh man! ROBOTS?! :SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE::smallredface:

[valadil]

Thank you Valadi. You post is what finally got me to do it.

Not surprisingly it was as difficult as I thought it would be. Again, pathetic at my age, but better starting late than never I imagine.

I do not expect a reply, but at least I feel more comfortable with this process now.

:-D Glad to help. For what it's worth, I met my fiancee on okCupid.

[SDF]

Keep in mind she hasn't logged in in over a month.

[Quincunx]

Keep in mind she hasn't logged in in over a month.

. . .Okay. Good thing I previewed before posting. (hasty deletion of advice) New advice: keep looking for someone who hasn't just been swamped by real life, although note of "I hope whatever's keeping you offline is good news for you" wouldn't be a bad idea.

[Coidzor]

She builds ROBOTS. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED!?!!?:smallfurious::smallfurious::smallfurious :

I know. I want to ask her about that. Especially since the dimensions she gives implies that they're fairly tall.

But, I mean, half the reason things are creepy is that you get people asking about something really interesting on your profile out of the blue and it has to be phrased just so because their curiosity over the matter outweighs whether they actually want to get to know you, you, and... and...

I sort of just lost my train of thought.

Then again, I guess my google-fu is just weak since I couldn't muster up a good source of explanation of that practice on my own.

[Pika...]

Keep in mind she hasn't logged in in over a month.

What?

The search results I got her under we at "logged in within the last week". :/

Damn, that was dumb.

[HandofCrom]

Pika, you say you have a 1 in 100 chance per attempt? Sounds like all you need is MORE DAKKA! In all seriousness, 1 in 100 chance of success per attempt means

(1 - .99 ^ 100) * 100% = 63.3967659% for 100 attempts, and
(1 - .99 ^ 200) * 100% = 86.6020325% for 200 attempts, and a whopping
(1 - .99 ^ 1000) * 100% = 99.9956829% for 1000 attempts! A sure thing!

I have tried and failed more times than I can count (which is not really that high I'm afraid, I take my shoes off to count past 9), but I just keep going. It gets discouraging, but so what? Getting tapped out repeatedly in grappling is discouraging, but you don't ever stop, you try again, fail again, but get a little better everytime.

[Pharaoh's Fist]

1. Log on to dating site.
2. Log out of it.
3. Go out, find a girl and talk to her.
4. ???
5. Profit.

[alchemyprime]

Pika-

I've seen a lot of my friends end up in happy relationships from this site. The sort where they are all anxious to see each other even after a year of being together.

Having said that, I have never had that luck. A girl who yelled at me for "cheating on her" before we even met for still flirting around, which she was doing too. A girl who went nearly "OMG YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND NOW YOU'RE PERFECT ITS MEANT TO BE LET'S ELOPE!" after just meeting her. (This is why I always go to meet them and borrow a car. They never know where to find you.) I've realized that when looking for friends, you can easily find them, and its a great tool for increasing the size of a D&D group. But beyond that... I've not had any luck.

But I really hope this works out for you Pika. You're... I don't know about good person, having never really talked to ye, but you're a good Playgrounder, and for that at least you deserve some happiness.

-Alchemyprime

[Thes Hunter]

Make the girl think of why she won't sleep with you, don't do it for her.

[Pika...]

Pika, you say you have a 1 in 100 chance per attempt? Sounds like all you need is MORE DAKKA! In all seriousness, 1 in 100 chance of success per attempt means

(1 - .99 ^ 100) * 100% = 63.3967659% for 100 attempts, and
(1 - .99 ^ 200) * 100% = 86.6020325% for 200 attempts, and a whopping
(1 - .99 ^ 1000) * 100% = 99.9956829% for 1000 attempts! A sure thing!

I have tried and failed more times than I can count (which is not really that high I'm afraid, I take my shoes off to count past 9), but I just keep going. It gets discouraging, but so what? Getting tapped out repeatedly in grappling is discouraging, but you don't ever stop, you try again, fail again, but get a little better everytime.


Thank you for the advice. Though there are only so many listing within 25 miles of me, and after page one page two starts in the low 70% Match rating (I am currently at about 506 (questions answered). And it seems that matching system is not the best, since I do not meet the criteria for most of the girls' "Message me If" section even on the first page. :smallconfused:




1. Log on to dating site.
2. Log out of it.
3. Go out, find a girl and talk to her.
4. ???
5. Profit.

Shy, inexperienced, socially awkward. I usually just come off as annoying to women I find attractive (though women I don't I get along well with).

Just happened last Saturday when I found out this cute Cuban girl behind me was as geekie/nerdie as you can get. After I noticed I was getting on her nerves I just moved in the class to another location with a plug for my Macbook.



Pika-

I've seen a lot of my friends end up in happy relationships from this site. The sort where they are all anxious to see each other even after a year of being together.

Having said that, I have never had that luck. A girl who yelled at me for "cheating on her" before we even met for still flirting around, which she was doing too. A girl who went nearly "OMG YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND NOW YOU'RE PERFECT ITS MEANT TO BE LET'S ELOPE!" after just meeting her. (This is why I always go to meet them and borrow a car. They never know where to find you.) I've realized that when looking for friends, you can easily find them, and its a great tool for increasing the size of a D&D group. But beyond that... I've not had any luck.

But I really hope this works out for you Pika. You're... I don't know about good person, having never really talked to ye, but you're a good Playgrounder, and for that at least you deserve some happiness.

-Alchemyprime

Thank you, and thanks for the personal experiences and those of your friends. :smallsmile:


"OMG YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND NOW YOU'RE PERFECT ITS MEANT TO BE LET'S ELOPE!"

If only my degree was finished, and it was that easy. >_>

Was she cute at least?




Make the girl think of why she won't sleep with you, don't do it for her.

Well, until I get two rings on her finger and go through a ceremony of her choosing I do not plan on worrying about that part.

[Pharaoh's Fist]

Shy, inexperienced, socially awkward. I usually just come off as annoying to women I find attractive (though women I don't I get along well with).

Just happened last Saturday when I found out this cute Cuban girl behind me was as geekie/nerdie as you can get. After I noticed I was getting on her nerves I just moved in the class to another location with a plug for my Macbook.

So find them unattractive until they're a good enough friend that they will tolerate you. Problem solved. Ta-da!

[Thes Hunter]

Well, until I get two rings on her finger and go through a ceremony of her choosing I do not plan on worrying about that part.

Replace 'Sleep with' with 'date' the same applies.

[alchemyprime]

If only my degree was finished, and it was that easy. >_>

Was she cute at least?


A little. But the amount of baggage REALLY lowered her score. I mean... she had more drama than a Lifetime Original movie.

If baggage were explosions, her life movie would make Michael Bay feel insignificant.

If baggage were nickels, she'd be rich. And that would take care of some of the afforementioned baggage.

Yeah. I'm working on a degree. Don't tell the guy that just a few months ago you were ready to ditch school and have a kid. :smalleek: Does not ring well with me.

But yeah, Pika, this gal... I hope it works, and I got a good feeling you'll end up okay.

(And don't worry. I've had to move my seat and use my Compaq as an excuse too.)
( Now trying for old friend of an old friend I just remet at comic shop, or cute girl in art class... And hoping one of those work for me too. If we're ever in FLorida, or you in Cali, let's double. Or at least run a dungeon.)

[Pika...]

A little. But the amount of baggage REALLY lowered her score. I mean... she had more drama than a Lifetime Original movie.

If baggage were explosions, her life movie would make Michael Bay feel insignificant.

If baggage were nickels, she'd be rich. And that would take care of some of the afforementioned baggage.

Yeah. I'm working on a degree. Don't tell the guy that just a few months ago you were ready to ditch school and have a kid. :smalleek: Does not ring well with me.

But yeah, Pika, this gal... I hope it works, and I got a good feeling you'll end up okay.

(And don't worry. I've had to move my seat and use my Compaq as an excuse too.)
( Now trying for old friend of an old friend I just remet at comic shop, or cute girl in art class... And hoping one of those work for me too. If we're ever in FLorida, or you in Cali, let's double. Or at least run a dungeon.)


LoL. If she wasn't a bit on the messed up side (although I am strangely attracted to such girls...) that would have fulfilled two of my three life goals in what 20 minutes?


edit:
Good luck with your ladies!

Also, if you are ever in Central Florida anyone here is welcome at my table. :smallsmile:

[Cobra_Ikari]

A little. But the amount of baggage REALLY lowered her score. I mean... she had more drama than a Lifetime Original movie.

If baggage were explosions, her life movie would make Michael Bay feel insignificant.

If baggage were nickels, she'd be rich. And that would take care of some of the afforementioned baggage.

Yeah. I'm working on a degree. Don't tell the guy that just a few months ago you were ready to ditch school and have a kid. :smalleek: Does not ring well with me.

But yeah, Pika, this gal... I hope it works, and I got a good feeling you'll end up okay.

(And don't worry. I've had to move my seat and use my Compaq as an excuse too.)
( Now trying for old friend of an old friend I just remet at comic shop, or cute girl in art class... And hoping one of those work for me too. If we're ever in FLorida, or you in Cali, let's double. Or at least run a dungeon.)

Huh. The end of that sounds like a girl I know. She's in high school, her boyfriend of less than a month has graduated college. And she asked, if her boyfriend wasn't willing to get her pregnant, if I would help her with that.

...why do I know so many crazy people? D=

[Pika...]

Huh. The end of that sounds like a girl I know. She's in high school, her boyfriend of less than a month has graduated college. And she asked, if her boyfriend wasn't willing to get her pregnant, if I would help her with that.

...why do I know so many crazy people? D=


Is it messed up that if I had my college degree and already had a steady job that I would not mind donating sperm for a girl like that?

I am already considering a surrogate as a backup if I am nearing my 30s. It would be great if the child had a loving mother, so I would gladly throw child support her way and ask to help raise the baby?

Screwed up on my part? Would that be taking advantage of a girl?

[Telonius]

She builds ROBOTS. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED!?!!?:smallfurious::smallfurious::smallfurious :

Check to make sure she doesn't have red hair, glasses, a talking cat. Or not, if you like excitement.

[Pika...]

Another question if you would all be so kind.


I am trying to answer all the question at a rate of 100 a day.

Three girls are consistently at the top three of my listings (using the Match% filter option + the logged in in the last week option), and consistently have around the same % even though I keep answering and adding questions. I am not sure how accurate the matching system there is, though. Is it accurate at all?


The third one is the one which catches my eye most:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Jypzi?cf=regular

Problem is she is clearly a belle, and is even one year younger than the last one. However, I really like what I read, and I really respect the "Message me if you like to talk about music and culture, have similarities to me, or are plain nice. Do not message me if you're looking for a random sex date, or eager to know where I live right away. If you contact me I'd like to know that it's because you would like to converse with me, or think that by my profile I seem interesting. "

And I did find her profile interesting.

Also, she requires a two photo minimum to avoid getting messages filtered.

She is also selective with her replies.



The stead #1 on the match list is this girl with a stead 83% or 84%:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/kelbon512?cf=regular

I find this one odd, since the system is so consistent but I am very nonathletic, and I am not much for outdoors. :smallconfused:

[Pocketa]

I'd remove the link to her profile for her privacy's sake/fact if she ever found out she might not like that.


Also, the one that's into outdoors, etc. is into hair, makeup, etc. Basically, cosmetology. Don't know if you really want to get into that.

[IsaacTheHungry]

Dude, trust me, you are a nice guy and it shows. you are too hard on yourself. judging by the creativeness (mostly thinking of your home-brew world, it's amazing) and enjoyable personality you have way more going for you then you give yourself credit for. you have a lot to offer in a relationship so don't give up and keep trying. you'll find someone great and maybe a few extra friends to boot

[Cobra_Ikari]

Cobra recommends a 2 step process.

1. Calm down. They won't bite you (or, you know, they might, if they're kinky, but...)

...ok, let's start over. >.<


1. Calm down. The worst thing that can happen is your message goes unresponded to. Or you get a message turning you down. Neither of these things is the end of the world. There are, in fact, more fish in the sea, as they say.

2. Send them a message. Something casual. It doesn't matter if it's perfect or not. If you get a response, awesome. Now you know what parts of that message work, and what parts aren't a big deal. If not, just keep sending messages to other people. Yes, these girls are pretty, and awesome, and whatnot, but that doesn't mean you get one shot at impressing them or the world ends. And if you never send your message because you're too busy perfecting it...you'll never know if they would have been interested, now will you?

[Evil the Cat]

Don't get so worried. How many times in your life do you see a couple and wonder "How on earth did he get that girl?"

However much people try to have a "system" romance likes to make up its own rules. If you're interested, give it a shot. The worst case scenario is she's not interested, ant id goes nowhere... exactly the same as if you DON'T try. This means that by not messaging or whatever, you're just guaranteeing the worst possible end result. If you do message her, or meet up, almost anythign is an improvement. You may make a new friend, find a new social circle, meet a new friend through her. Even if you two don't ever get together as anything mroe than a meetup, you may get a fun evening out of it... which is still better than nothing.

Summary: Give it a shot, there's nothing to lose.


Virtually everyone gets social anxiety. The main difference is how you react to it. At times I have severe social anxiety, I'm just not willing to let it make my decisions for me.