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View Full Version : Knock Knock, It's Reality.



Shnezz
2009-11-13, 08:33 AM
Have you ever been playing and, say, made a skill check that came out *unfortunately* exactly as it should?

Here's my example:
So, I'm currently on fire. From a kobold I killed three rounds ago. I have rolled 5 saves (2 from allies abilities) and gotten a 3,1,2,2,1 in order. (I later found out I only needed a 5).

In an effort mostly out of frustration and I wanted to do something even if it was stupid, I make a diplomacy check on the fire. Yes, I tried to talk non-sentient fire into not burning me. I rolled a natural 1.

bosssmiley
2009-11-13, 10:23 AM
Have you ever been playing and, say, made a skill check that came out *unfortunately* exactly as it should?

Here's my example:
So, I'm currently on fire. From a kobold I killed three rounds ago. I have rolled 5 saves (2 from allies abilities) and gotten a 3,1,2,2,1 in order. (I later found out I only needed a 5).

In an effort mostly out of frustration and I wanted to do something even if it was stupid, I make a diplomacy check on the fire. Yes, I tried to talk non-sentient fire into not burning me. I rolled a natural 1.

The Dice Gods have turned their face from you. Only the cruel, hilarious sacrifice of your PC will regain their favour.

(The old ways are the best :smallwink: )

Shnezz
2009-11-13, 10:31 AM
I would say that they had, except I killed a Kobold of strange reseliance to being stabbed fairly quickly. This may have had something do do with my 3d6+4+2d8(sneak attack) hitting for 30. (6+5+3, 4, and 5+7)
Edit: He was leading the attack on us. And I was level 1, using my daily. I was happy.
Otherwise I'd be checking to see if the DM handed me loaded dice.

On another note, I found a jar of fire-producing substance. (I don't know what it was, it was a sling orb that set things on fire. I was hit with one as explained above) and a jar of whatever the glue is that is stupidly strong. I took out ink to label the two, and he makes me roll a check. 18 on the fire orb, but a natural one on the glue made it explode on my hand.

Edit2: This was a 4E game, obviously.

Cicciograna
2009-11-13, 01:44 PM
Edit2: This was a 4E game, obviously.

So the 3.5 Edition Gods decided to punish you, treacherous infidel! :smallbiggrin:

Gamerlord
2009-11-13, 01:48 PM
So the 3.5 Edition Gods decided to punish you, treacherous infidel! :smallbiggrin:

Only the evil ones for the fact you were playing a edition that kept them out of the PHB.

CasESenSITItiVE
2009-11-13, 01:49 PM
you should have made a check to convince it to stop burning you:smallamused:

sofawall
2009-11-13, 01:51 PM
you should have made a check to convince it to stop burning you:smallamused:

Um, he did?

Glass Mouse
2009-11-13, 01:54 PM
Um, he did?

Misunderstood joke is misunderstood :smallamused:

daggaz
2009-11-13, 01:55 PM
Have you ever been playing and, say, made a skill check that came out *unfortunately* exactly as it should?

Here's my example:
So, I'm currently on fire. From a kobold I killed three rounds ago. I have rolled 5 saves (2 from allies abilities) and gotten a 3,1,2,2,1 in order. (I later found out I only needed a 5).

In an effort mostly out of frustration and I wanted to do something even if it was stupid, I make a diplomacy check on the fire. Yes, I tried to talk non-sentient fire into not burning me. I rolled a natural 1.

You succeed beyond your wildest dreams, and the fire is now fascinated with you. So much, in fact, that he brings all of his fiery friends to hear the new "truth". You are now on fire. And fire. And fire, and fire, and fire. And the fire is on fire. Also, the original fire is now your cohort, and so does ..whats your hd again? 7d4 damage per turn rather than the 1d4 he starts with as a base creature.

Dust
2009-11-13, 01:57 PM
In a superpowered game, I was playing an extremely evil character masquerading as one of the party's own. We had holed up in a crummy house while the BBEG had our base under surveillance, and while the party was talking strategy, I stomped off to the other room and an actual NPC hero teleported in to try and thwart me. We ended up breaking into this huge brawl which the other party started to come investigate, and even though this guy is WAY better than me, I'm rolling nat 20s constantly.

We end up tumbling into the bathroom and I manage to slam the door so the party doesn't see me pummeling Captain Superpants, and I finally overcome him and disintegrate his remains, and then flush him.

The party had no idea what was going on, only that I rolled a half-dozen natural 20s and then came out of the bathroom looking pleased with myself.

Dust
2009-11-13, 01:58 PM
You succeed beyond your wildest dreams, and the fire is now fascinated with you. So much, in fact, that he brings all of his fiery friends to hear the new "truth". You are now on fire. And fire. And fire, and fire, and fire. And the fire is on fire. Also, the original fire is now your cohort, and so does ..whats your hd again? 7d4 damage per turn rather than the 1d4 he starts with as a base creature.
Also, this. Amazing.

sofawall
2009-11-13, 02:01 PM
Misunderstood joke is misunderstood :smallamused:

Completely and totally. Mind explaining it?

wykydtron
2009-11-13, 02:04 PM
Also, this. Amazing.

I second that. I wish I had a fire cohort, that was on fire.

Optimystik
2009-11-13, 02:05 PM
Misunderstood joke is misunderstood :smallamused:

Poorly written joke and meme are poorly written.

The joke should have been: "you should have made a check to convince the fire to keep burning you." The punchline being that with his luck the check would fail, putting out the fire.

Kzickas
2009-11-13, 02:14 PM
The party had no idea what was going on, only that I rolled a half-dozen natural 20s and then came out of the bathroom looking pleased with myself.

Oh god, brain bleach please!

dsmiles
2009-11-13, 02:15 PM
In an effort mostly out of frustration and I wanted to do something even if it was stupid, I make a diplomacy check on the fire. Yes, I tried to talk non-sentient fire into not burning me. I rolled a natural 1.

FYI: A 1 on a skill check is not a critical fail, however, the humor of the situation is not lost on me.

DM'ing for a party of about 8 characters, the halfling monk (who later QP'd an aboleth savant) failed a saving throw vs a paralyzation effect by a homebrew embalming zombie (nat 1). He was subsequently tied to a 50 foot length of rope and used as bait to get the next group of zombies to walk right into an ambush by the party (they had orders to attack anything that moves in a certain hallway, the halfling was rolled down the hallway and slowly drawn back to the party by the rope). Unfortunately for me, the DM, the embalming zombies were wiped out in the surprise round. The halfling eventually overcame the paralyzation and couldn't untie himself (couldn't beat the Use Rope DC). The party left him tied up until they were out of the mortuary section of the ruins they were in, and kept on using him as bait.
I guess you had to be there.

Mordokai
2009-11-13, 02:21 PM
Oh god, brain bleach please!

What? It's totally natural! Every adventurer does it once in a while... or at least, he/she should.

I'm a horrible person :smallbiggrin:

Volos
2009-11-13, 08:33 PM
The Dice Gods have turned their face from you. Only the cruel, hilarious sacrifice of your PC will regain their favour.

(The old ways are the best :smallwink: )

One cannot deny the old ways, they are the laws by which we live and abide. If not for the old ways, all would be naught.

Also... fire is fire. You cannot win. Ever.

drengnikrafe
2009-11-13, 09:40 PM
I once rolled a natural 1 when I tried to seduce a priestess. Seems reasonable enough.

Mystic Muse
2009-11-13, 09:49 PM
Also... fire is fire. You cannot win. Ever.

decanter of endless water.:smalltongue:

Yukitsu
2009-11-13, 11:57 PM
I once rolled a natural 1 when I tried to seduce a priestess. Seems reasonable enough.

I on the other hand rolled a succesive string of 20s on a group that were devoted to that sort of thing anyway. :smallconfused:

BobVosh
2009-11-14, 01:09 AM
Also... fire is fire. You cannot win. Ever.

Ninjas can't catch you if you are on fire. Counts as a win in my book.

Lycanthromancer
2009-11-14, 01:11 AM
Ninjas can't catch you if you are on fire. Counts as a win in my book.Only if you are a ninja. Otherwise, you kind of tend to just...burn.

taltamir
2009-11-14, 01:22 AM
after several rounds against one wounded goblin where everyone in the party was missing it and was missing everyone else (and we dropped our weapons several times), the DM says "ok, thats it... he commits suicide in frustration"... one of us tells him to roll to see if he hits himself with his own sword... he rolls a nat 1 and fails his reflex save... dropping his weapon and failing to commit suicide...

After another 2 players attacking and missing the unarmed goblin (one of which drops his weapon) the DM just declared him dead by fiat. That was hillarious; and frustrating.

Shademan
2009-11-14, 07:37 AM
In a ADD campaign my character was about to be sacreficed by tentacle monsters (i'm sure they were called something else in the MM but hey) to their vile god. the rest of the party came to my rescue! and the ranger/and/or fighter (multiclassing and whatnot) charged in and chopped off his foot.
just like that.

Yahzi
2009-11-14, 02:08 PM
I was in a game where a PC foolishly put on a Necklace of unknown magic powers... turned out to be Strangulation, of course.

The party Barbarian decided he would help out by cutting the necklace off with his axe. The DM was dubious that you could defeat a cursed item that way, but he let the Barb roll anyway.

The Barbarian rolled a natural 1.

On the plus side, the PC didn't die from strangulation! :smallbiggrin:

chiasaur11
2009-11-14, 03:14 PM
One cannot deny the old ways, they are the laws by which we live and abide. If not for the old ways, all would be naught.

Also... fire is fire. You cannot win. Ever.

You tend to win if you and the fire are on the same side.

Altair_the_Vexed
2009-11-14, 03:20 PM
One of the players in my game kept making ridiculous statements as a naive attempt to bluff opponents - like "We're not in!" when the guards are banging on the door...

He generally rolled very poorly.

When he did roll a 19 bluff check after claiming to have gone away, the guard's check was higher. As it should be.

Dixieboy
2009-11-14, 07:29 PM
decanter of endless water.:smalltongue:That just means not enough fire was applied.

Related question:
Decanter of endless water VS, Elemental plane of fire?

RandomLunatic
2009-11-14, 07:38 PM
That just means not enough fire was applied.

Related question:
Decanter of endless water VS, Elemental plane of fire?

Elemental Plane of Steam.:smalltongue:

RandomNPC
2009-11-14, 09:06 PM
Elemental Plane of Steam.:smalltongue:

QFT You my friend deserve a cookie in the shape of a moose.

Tiki Snakes
2009-11-14, 09:13 PM
That just means not enough fire was applied.

Related question:
Decanter of endless water VS, Elemental plane of fire?

Massive steam damage destroys decanter.

FIRE WEENS.

Karma Guard
2009-11-14, 09:25 PM
That just means not enough fire was applied.

Related question:
Decanter of endless water VS, Elemental plane of fire?

The Decanter eventually breaks, releasing a formerly bound crazed fire sorcerer who decides to join your party just to burn stuff. :V

Shnezz
2009-11-16, 08:47 AM
Wow... I have to say, the wounded goblin story made me laugh.

Also, trying to get the fire to keep burning me would have backfired, as my DM would likely make it a DC 0, so I always succeed that. :smallbiggrin:

Edit: Rather than double post.

I chose to sit on a tombstone.

DM: Make a balance check.
Me: But I'm just SITTING.
DM: I know you, you fall backwards off things.
Me: *Currently leaning back on two legs of my chair.* Yeah, whatever.
DM: Just roll the dice.
Me: *Rolls natural 20, and the guy sitting next to me kicks the legs of my chair out from under me.*

So, I made the balance check on the tombstone, and fell on my ass IRL.

Pyro_Azer
2009-11-16, 02:58 PM
That just means not enough fire was applied.

Related question:
Decanter of endless water VS, Elemental plane of fire?

According to my sig the decanter would be set on fire.

Raiki
2009-11-16, 06:15 PM
The party had no idea what was going on, only that I rolled a half-dozen natural 20s and then came out of the bathroom looking pleased with myself.

I literally laughed so hard I gave myself the hiccups when I read this. May I sig this PLEASE?!?

~Raiki

Shnezz
2009-11-17, 08:33 AM
All right, we just had another session last night, and our party of level 1's met their first town. This went well. :smallsigh:

Our party rogue, myself, started the night off by finding a dice game at the tavern. And then made successful checks to change the dice in his favor when he lost, and cleaned the other gamblers out. Glad they were drunk.

Our ranger decided to be anti-social (To us) and spend the entire time at the inn drinking. He'll miss out on the fun we had.

Our dwarf fighter tried to start a drinking contest, and fell off the table. He was out for the night.

Our sorcerer charmed the bartender, and they went upstairs. Just say he was 'busy' for the night.

So, after the gambling was done, this left me and our Chaotic Evil Dragonborn. And I'm chaotic neutral. In our first town. So, we head straaaight to the manor house. There are about eight guards making rounds inside the gate, and there's sure to be more inside. I grab an orb of unknown magical fire (Taken from the kobold in my first post) and have the dragonborn chuck it as far as he can.

We hit the winter/siege emergency food stores. :smallamused:

The guards run right out the gate, which they did remember to re-lock. So, with a +9 acrobatics check I scale the wall, lower a rope, and me and my dragonborn buddy are in.

To cut out some more sneak checks and acrobatics checks, we ended up getting away with 125 lbs of mixed valueables, and a large painting of a dragon in a golden frame. No one saw us, it's the perfect level 1's dream, right?

Well, we can't sell these here, so we decide to tell the rest of the party we're camping "to avoid paying the inn for a room." We head out.

Only today did I realise after all our care... we didn't try to cover our tracks out. And the DM noticed too. :smallfrown:

Deth Muncher
2009-11-17, 10:25 AM
Actually, it's kind of funny. Every time I play a sorceror (which is usually), I always fail Fort saves in regards to alcohol. EVERY time. Seriously, it could be the beginning of the campaign:

DM: You're in a bar.
Me: I order a beer!
DM: Fort save.
Me: ...1. :smallfrown:

It kinda makes sense, since sorcerors aren't meant to be all that hardy.

Fayd
2009-11-17, 03:40 PM
Our party is being attacked by a mounted merc company while we defend a farm (my current campaign). The fight goes well (though due to a lucky crit I now only have 1 eye...blasted archers...) and we thin down their numbers before they reach us...a little. Their leader ends up taking a slice at our rogue (who crit attacks him in return), our paladin manages to hit him, and then our Orc Barbarian, named Fluffy, comes over and atomizes the guy.

I'm not really exaggerating. He had 10ish hp left, and Fluffy dealt over 51 points of damage. This fight had gone so hilariously badly for him, and we just decided to roll a "what the hell"d20 for the horse. Got a Nat 1. The horse instantly died of heart failure.

'twas great.

Dixieboy
2009-11-19, 05:27 AM
The Decanter eventually breaks, releasing a formerly bound crazed fire sorcerer who decides to join your party just to burn stuff. :V

I believe he joins your party out of a warped sense of debt. :V

onthetown
2009-11-19, 06:53 AM
I once had a Planetouched/Aasimar/whatever you want to call her Bard, and she had feathery wings that she could bring out and put away at will, just sort of as an added bonus thing.

We were wandering around a highly religious, spiritual city, and she had her wings out because she thought it would make it easier for us to get the information we needed.

An acolyte of some religion ran up to her and practically threw himself at her feet, claiming she was the Chosen One. My Bard didn't want THAT much attention, so she told him no, she wasn't the Chosen One; he wanted to know how she got her wings, but it was a bit of a private affair for her, so I started the Bluff checks.

I was rolling mid numbers the whole time, usually JUST beating the DC, so the DM played the acolyte as very skeptical, and he managed to get me to Bluff myself around in a circle.

DM- "How did you get your wings?"
Me- "Uhh... I'm an avariel."
DM- "Really? You don't have elven ears."
Me- (saying I was hiding them would have been significantly easier than this) "They were cut off by my evil twin. I can only get them back by completing this quest... which I need information for..."
DM- "How do I know you're not lying?"
Me- "Because I'm the Chosen! Why would I lie to you?"
DM- "...so you ARE the Chosen One, then."

That's just a few parts of the conversation... the whole thing took about ten minutes to do, and it was awhile ago, but that's basically how it ended up. The Fighter saved me from the crazy acolyte soon after :smallwink: