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Fortuna
2009-11-16, 09:50 PM
I am one of those people who try to incorporate everything they ever liked into their campaigns. What awesome quotes have you had NPCs use? /dramatic, ridiculous, anything.

Rasman
2009-11-16, 09:58 PM
I am one of those people who try to incorporate everything they ever liked into their campaigns. What awesome quotes have you had NPCs use? /dramatic, ridiculous, anything.

this isn't something an NPC said, but this is actually something I RPed during our last session as a Frost Giant broke free while our rogues were out scouting the area for our next attack

I ran back to the Wizard and said in as calm of a voice as I could

"Wizard, the Frost Giant may have broken free and killed some of the guards. I may need a hand killing him."

he responded

"May I finish my soup?"

Jokasti
2009-11-16, 10:02 PM
There's an Intimidating Quotes thread that I am definitely too lazy to search for right now.

RandomNPC
2009-11-16, 10:05 PM
an evil player in one of my games saw a paladin get hit with blindness, then asked him "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?" He then proceded to tumble around the paladin and run off.

if you've got that one you get a point. Alas, I did not get that point untill it was described to me.

Xzeno
2009-11-16, 10:08 PM
an evil player in one of my games saw a paladin get hit with blindness, then asked him "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?" He then proceded to tumble around the paladin and run off.

if you've got that one you get a point. Alas, I did not get that point untill it was described to me.

Batman. The Joker says it. I get the feeling that's not where it came from though.

I tend to make my NPCs quote rock songs a lot. Can't think of any examples.

Human Paragon 3
2009-11-16, 10:32 PM
"I'm hunger. I'm thirst. Where I bite, I hold till I die, and even after death they must cut out my mouthful from my enemy's body and bury it with me. I can fast a hundred years and not die. I can lie a hundred nights on the ice and not freeze. I can drink a river of blood and not burst. Show me your enemies."

Yukitsu
2009-11-16, 10:43 PM
*After beating 7 Baalors in melee combat, Bel of the first layer arises. Blood war, and we're fighting both sides.*

"So it looks like I've finally found an opponent worth my time!"

And, while I was down there butchering demons-

"Ah, this must be what heaven is like."

Playing a smite focused paladin, who can basically emulate Dante from Devil may cry.

And for another character:

Cael: "Brilliant! If I can't keep my familiar in elven form long enough to bring a child to term, I'll shapechange my familiar into a male elf and change my own gender with a cursed belt!"
DM: The NPC that wanted to have your child looks a little hurt and confused by all this.

And: "You can come up with the plans once you out wit your future omniscient evil self without causing a time paradox, or killing either of you in the process."

And lastly
DM: Before is a brilliant light, seething with power and energy. This is the fountain of all divinity.
Cael: "Bo~ri~ng!"

Jergmo
2009-11-16, 10:45 PM
"I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid."

"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."

"At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits."

"Someday, we'll look back at this, laugh nervously and change the subject."

CoffeeIncluded
2009-11-16, 10:59 PM
You know Terry Pratchett's book Lords and Ladies? There's a line in there that says "Elves are excellent at keeping things alive. Sometimes for weeks."

I'm playing an elf in a PBP campaign right now. I am just waiting for a chance to use that in an interrogation or something. (Okay, she's Lawful Good, but they won't know that.)

Another quote I'm waiting to use when I get the chance:

"No. You don't understand. I may be a fragile elf wizard, but I'm a fragile elf wizard who is currently packing away Fireball, Scorching Ray, Lightning, Chain Lightning, more Fireball, and a large sack of Explosive Runes. I am a walking bomb. If you don't want to be blasted into a fine mist of blood and bone matter, I suggest that you stop what you're doing right now."

(No, she did NOT specialize in Evocation. Doesn't mean she doesn't like blowing things up though.)

drengnikrafe
2009-11-16, 11:22 PM
PCs: "We burn down the village."
DM (me): "*sigh* How?"
PCs: "We have the bag of holding full of ale, we just empty it out and light it on fire."
DM: "Ugh... Fine."
PCs: "Cool, and we got everyone out, so none of us die."
The Cleric: "Wait... did we forget the Paladin?"
*Paladin comes rushing out of a burning building, only mostly-dead*
Paladin (DMPC): "What HAPPENED here?"
Cleric: "Strangest thing... you see.... uhh... the whole inn suddenly caught fire. We all made it out though, perfectly safe." *Rolls a natural 20 bluff*
Paladin: "... Well, I'm glad we're all still here."

I really enjoyed that moment. Probably more than I should have.

vartan
2009-11-16, 11:53 PM
From many 3.5 FR campaigns
"I have many enemies, and not all of them wear the skin of orcs."

"The North is a dream."

"What are you looking for?" *stab* "Justice."

"Uthgardt dream of many women, but they only dream of one man."

"Of a noble race he is not, but he is a noble creature."

After a Sembian remarks on the carelessness of gambling, "I gamble with my life and my coin-- and I find that it makes both all the sweeter."

"Dragons of a scale as they say."

"Men have so many strange Gods- have you heard of Jergal? You are going to meet him." *Proceeds to roll two natural 20s*

The Demented One
2009-11-17, 12:15 AM
The following scene showed up in my Exalted game on the forums...


And in the palace at the city's heart, two men enter unnoticed by all save O-Mochi (for no man can walk through Lotus without gathering a few grains of rice beneath his shoes). Both are dressed more for business than battle–they wear suits of exquisite black, ebon threads perfectly tailored to their forms. Ties of silken shadow proclaim dignity against the backdrop of their white shirts, so pure and unstained that they must have known the luxury of alchemical soap. One man is dark-skinned, his frizzled hair expanding in a small puff around his head. The other's skin is pale white, his hair long and fairly unkempt. The black man is fit and muscular; the white man seems somewhat overweight. Both wear flame pieces of some sort at their belt.

They sit in the same board room where the Circle dealt with V'Neef Enzo. The black man stands, pacing the room's length and breadth; his partner leans over the table, rolling a cigarette. He looks up from his alchemy to speak to his partner. They are apparently already in the midst of conversation.

"But you know what the funniest thing about Malfeas is?"

The dark-skinned man looks over towards him, vaguely bemused. "What?"

"It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same stuff over there that they got here, but it's just – it's just there it's a little different."

An indifferent, sideways glance. "Example."

"All right. Well you can walk into a church in the Eternal Desert and buy a beer. And I don't mean just like in no paper cup, I'm talking about a glass of beer. And in the Demon City, you can buy a beer at the Conventicle Malfeasant. And you know what they call a quarter-pound of beef in Malfeas?"

"They don't call it a quarter-pound of beef?"

"Nah, man, they got the Old Realm system. They wouldn't know what the eff a quarter pound is."

"What do they call it?"

"They call it a royal cut of beef."

"A royal cut?"

"That's right."

Both men laugh whole-heartedly, disparate to any insidious purpose they might have. But as they laugh, dark-skinned man peeks under the table, as if checking in on something. "Hey there, little girl. How're you doing down there? You cool?" This vision reveals who he is speaking to: Konoko. She lies under the table, bound in brazen chains and gagged with a scrap of leather. She screams silently, praying for rescue.

Lycan 01
2009-11-17, 12:37 AM
My Catholic Priest in Call of Cthulhu was a very nice and very soft spoken man. He was very patient, and spent most of our trip to Innsmouth being diplomatic and talking us out of a lot of trouble. But he had a secret, darker side, which nobody knew about. He'd fought against the Communists in the Russian Revolution, and paid a heavy price for his actions. After moving to America, he tried to put his past behind him. He became the kind, loving man his friends knew him as, and not the cold, steel-nerved gunslinger he'd been in his younger years.

So it blew everyone at the table away when I grabbed a shotgun, barged into the Esoteric Order of Dagon, and proceeded to scream at a Deep One about to perform a summoning ritual: "GO BACK TA HELL WITH YA, YE ABOMINATION UNTO GOD!!" The shotgun blast that accompanied this order reduced the creature's head and shoulders into a cloud of fertilizer.

Jokasti
2009-11-17, 12:51 AM
The following scene showed up in my Exalted game on the forums...

...what???????

PairO'Dice Lost
2009-11-17, 01:00 AM
My Catholic Priest in Call of Cthulhu was a very nice and very soft spoken man. He was very patient, and spent most of our trip to Innsmouth being diplomatic and talking us out of a lot of trouble. But he had a secret, darker side, which nobody knew about. He'd fought against the Communists in the Russian Revolution, and paid a heavy price for his actions. After moving to America, he tried to put his past behind him. He became the kind, loving man his friends knew him as, and not the cold, steel-nerved gunslinger he'd been in his younger years.

...holy crap. I'm currently playing a Catholic chaplain in a CoC game, we just got back from Innsmouth, and he has a particular hatred for communists. One of us must read minds. :smalleek:

Anyway, while we're sharing Pulp Fiction anecdotes, I actually got to pull part of the "ENGLISH, ************, DO YOU SPEAK IT!?" scene in my CoC game last weekend:
We were rescuing one of our party member's son who'd been captured, when a bunch of Dagon worshipers popped out and cut off our escape with a chain gun and plenty of men. I have a sniper rifle with all the goodies I could find (nicknamed King James to go with my .45 Gideon :smallbiggrin:), and two of us had finally gotten them down to three bad guys after pretty much everyone else in the party was down to single-digit HP or unconscious.
Me: I told you it was a bad idea to come here!
Boss: Yes! I know! Bad idea! So sue me!
*I crit, guy on chain gun goes down, another takes his place*
Me: Damn these fish-people to the depths of Hell!
*I crit again, new guy on chain gun goes down, last one takes his place*
Me (OOC): Huh. What're the chances I get another crit?
GM: I dunno, why? :smallsigh: You want to do something dramatic, don't you...
Me: :smallamused: Hey, Ryan?
Medic: Yes, Father?
Me: You read the Bible?
Medic: You know I don't believe that crap.
Me: Well, there's a passage I think you'd like.
GM: :smallyuk: Wait...
Me: Ezekiel, chapter 25, verse 17. Ahem:
GM: :smallannoyed:
Me: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men."
*points at fish guy*
Me: "Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak--"
*points at party members*
Me: "--through the valley of the darkness."
*waves around at Innsmouth*
Me: "For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children."
*points at son*
Me: "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers!"
*points at fish guy again*
Me: "And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
*pop out of cover and attack*
*crit, max damage, fish guy's brains are plastered against the far wall*
DM: ...so, yeah, you just leveled up.

Akal Saris
2009-11-17, 01:11 AM
Heh...I think that scene from Pulp Fiction takes the cake - I'll have to remember to give that dialogue to some town guards the next time the PCs are entering a city :)

Quotes from movies and the like that I've had NPCs use, pretty much all of them off the cuff...

"Now, witness the power of this fully armed and OPERATIONAL battleship!"

"What?! Inconceivable!"

"You're the new lord? I didn't vote for you!"

"And these tracks! Sand goblins always walk single file, to better conceal their numbers."

"You cannot trust man, nor woman, nor beast. But steel! Steel you can trust!"

Saintheart
2009-11-17, 01:19 AM
The BBEG, as played by our DM, in one of my games: "My army will enter your country, slaughter your men, and kill and rape every woman they find!"

Me? Oh, so obvious. "Clearly you don't know our women. I may as well have marched them up here, judging from what I've seen."

"THIS! IS! FAERUN!" lines abounded to the end of the session.

And, of course, the obligatory line whenever the DM brings you up to a fantastic castle:

Player 1: "It's only a model."
Player 2: "Ssssh!"

Kaun
2009-11-17, 01:33 AM
If i had a dollar for every time Tombstone was quoted in my last deadlands camp i would probably have a few hundred dollars!!!

That and Young guns,

and Quick and the Dead,

and basicly every cheese ball western ever made.



The two most used ones were.

"I'm your huckleberry!"

and thia one from Young Guns 2:38 in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF9EXJdwedc

Hunter Noventa
2009-11-17, 02:24 AM
One of my favorite characters had the following scene of awesomeness-


The plan to save the Princess had begun. it began with Saya, black-armored girl wielding a pair of axes,a nd the most intimidating person onthe entire continent, being tossed into the Chapel where the coronation was to be performed from the claws of a Giant Eagle while the rest of the party, with NPC backup, fought their way in onfoot.

The spunky blonde charged up and slew the guards nearest the Princess, at which point the traitorous advicor yelled at her.

"Who in the hells are you?"

She turned to him, as he hid behind fourteen levels of dwarf paladin, and just grinned wickedly.

"I am Saya. Saya Saeron, the Axe that cleaves evil! The princess is coming with me!"

And she then proceeded to best a paladin twice her level in single combat thanks to a natural one on his save versus massive damage.

Temet Nosce
2009-11-17, 02:51 AM
Please allow me, to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste.

PhoenixRivers
2009-11-17, 03:00 AM
"I never said I couldn't use a handgun. I said I didn't like handguns."
- after a shootout.

"...your point?"
- after the PC's have tried to make a plea to the villain's humanity, by outlining the horrific nature of his plan, or the humanity of his victims.

"I'm glad we've had this little chat. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do that matter."
- any official, in a position of power, when the PC's are attempting to convince him of the need to send resources to places that don't immediately benefit the city. Alternately, departing words by a BBEG when he's left his lieutenant to deal with a problem due to a tight time schedule.

"...and the skies shall rain blood, and the seas shall overflow with the corpses of the fall...ooh, a kitten!"
- For those of you who like child villains, with a silly sort of feel.

Temet Nosce
2009-11-17, 03:03 AM
Heh, if you're gonna quote Mephisto do it properly.

"And the evil that was once vanquished shall rise anew. Wrapped in the 'guise of man, He shall walk amongst the innocent and Terror shall consume they that dwell upon the Earth. The skies shall rain fire, and the seas will become as blood. The righteous shall fall before the wicked, and all of Creation shall tremble before the burning standards of Hell."

Always liked that bit. Very soothing.

PhoenixRivers
2009-11-17, 03:09 AM
I wasn't quoting Mephisto, however the similarities may lie. I was merely putting something that felt "dark prophecy-ish" with something completely childlike and innocent.

The Demented One
2009-11-17, 03:16 AM
...what???????
Because Exalted.

IonDragon
2009-11-17, 04:54 AM
A super hero who was immortal (virtually useless in a fight if you don't count suicide bombings) was put in a refrigerator with an assumed trapped cell phone and spoke with the BBEG. At the end of the call the cell phone exploded removing her arm: "MY SQUEEZING ARM! They took my squeezing arm!,"

Zaq
2009-11-17, 05:00 AM
I was playing a NE Spellthief who was an abject coward. The party Knight had just eaten a crit from a scythe-wielding Frenzied Berserker... the Healer had fired off a quick Revivify, but there were still a few seconds in the -10 zone. Upon finishing the combat, I turned to the Knight and sternly remarked, "Don't let that happen again."

That's right, I upbraided the Knight for getting critted. This is because my character was a cowardly sonofabitch who was not happy to have his favorite meatshield hit the dirt before his very eyes. After all, my character reasoned, if the Knight went down, then the enemies were free to attack me! Doesn't anyone care about how I feel here? How selfish and careless of that Knight, putting my life at risk by daring to die!

What can I say? I saw the opportunity to roleplay just how much of a hugely self-centered douchebag my character was, and I full attacked it on a charge (er, that is, I pounced on it). And hey, it got the message across. The other players thought it was hilarious, even if the other characters didn't.

karnokoto
2009-11-17, 05:25 AM
...what???????

THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?!

arguskos
2009-11-17, 05:26 AM
THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?!
....what?!

awesome joke is awesome

Frog Dragon
2009-11-17, 06:26 AM
This wasn't an NPC either, but me. Totally in character. My Droid told this to the coffee addicted Jawa (another PC) who was planning on avoiding going to sleep by drinkin ridiculous amounts of coffee. (Star Wars game)
"Coffee does not work that way! Goodnight."

Mushroom Ninja
2009-11-17, 08:23 AM
In my SWSE game, the PCs kept on interrupting my BBEG dark jedi's monologue, so eventually he said: "Whatever, just die!"

bosssmiley
2009-11-17, 12:29 PM
"I'm hunger. I'm thirst. Where I bite, I hold till I die, and even after death they must cut out my mouthful from my enemy's body and bury it with me. I can fast a hundred years and not die. I can lie a hundred nights on the ice and not freeze. I can drink a river of blood and not burst. Show me your enemies."

Obviously written after Jack Lewis got back from seeing Tolkien at the pub. :smallamused:

100 Greatest Quote from The Wire (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Sgj78QG9Bg)

Winthur
2009-11-17, 12:40 PM
"Who the hell do you think I am?!"
Not really, but I'd love to.
:smalltongue:

Choco
2009-11-17, 01:07 PM
"Who the hell do you think I am?!"

Oh man I laughed so hard at that cause it fits right in with my thread contribution, though it requires a little bit of setup....

PC's are fighting a group of "normal" thugs in a back alley, with a young guy leading them politician-style (AKA standing in the back barking orders and acting important, without actually contributing). For the second half of the fight this horribly scarred woman was watching from the side of the alley opposite of where the PC's were, behind the thugs. The PC's kill all the thugs so the leader, being a complete wuss and not having any combat skills at all, decides to flee but is blocked off by the scarred woman. Then the following occurs:

thug leader: "Get out of my way! No one stands in my way! Who the hell do you think I am?!"
*without saying a word, the scarred woman disarms the leader's dagger, which was still sheathed on his belt, and attacks him with it for some MASSIVE damage, basically ripping him apart with one slash* (Warblade maneuvers + Iaijutsu Focus = win)
scarred woman: "It doesn't matter who you were, you are now nothing more than a stain on the ground."

She then had a pleasant chat with the PC's and left. They found out later the guy was the local mob boss' son, and now he's in a frenzy about the whole incident and is out gunning for them :smallamused:

Jayabalard
2009-11-17, 01:38 PM
PCs: "We have the bag of holding full of ale, we just empty it out and light it on fire."
Yeah... that doesn't work; even strong Ale is mostly water. You can use it to put out a fire (http://www.bucksfreepress.co.uk/news/4565100.YMCA_resident_puts_out_fire_with_beer/).

drengnikrafe
2009-11-17, 01:42 PM
Yeah... that doesn't work; even strong Ale is mostly water. You can use it to put out a fire (http://www.bucksfreepress.co.uk/news/4565100.YMCA_resident_puts_out_fire_with_beer/).

I... feel... stupid. Well, that's something they'll never get away with again, that's for sure.

Ormagoden
2009-11-17, 01:43 PM
I love to include pop culture references in my games, mostly lines from movies everyone loves.

So without further ado...

"It's conceivable, you miserable vomitus mass..."

"You've got the touch, you've got the power, Yeah."

"One shall stand and one shall fall."

"You know I don't speak elven. Common please."

"I'm not even mad! I'm impressed."

"When someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"

"Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."

"We don’t wanna hurt you, we just wanna kidnap you!"

"If I was anywhere near a lich, I'd be sneezing my brains out. You see, I'm alergic to Liiic!... I'm alergic to Liii!... I'm alergic to... ACHOOOOO"

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

A angry guard captain looks around at the bodies of his capital city guards littering the street. As he looks up to the building the PC's are hiding out in... "Bring me everyone..." he says to a nearby city guard.
"What do you mean "everyone"?" the guard replies...
To which the captains response is to grab the guards collar and shout in his face froth flying as he screams. "EVERYONE!"


Bonus points if you name the movies!

Jayabalard
2009-11-17, 02:04 PM
I... feel... stupid. Well, that's something they'll never get away with again, that's for sure.Don't... it's a really common misconception. Even 80 proof liquor (most whiskey) doesn't burn all that well. When you drink a Flaming Dr Pepper, the part that is actually lit on fire is the very strong liquor (such as Bracardi 151, which is 151 proof, or 75.5% alcohol) floating on the top of of a shotglass of other liquor.

Now, if you have a brewery or something catch on fire, it will heat up the beer and the resulting alcohol vapor WILL burn... quite explosively I'd imagine.

</derail>
More on topic: I've worked in various Lazarus long (Heinlein) quotes; I've also managed to work in several of Slovotsky's laws. In general though, I try to keep such things fairly subtle, with the exception of silly campaigns, where pop culture references are abundant.

Blackfang108
2009-11-17, 02:22 PM
"Who the hell do you think I am?!"
Not really, but I'd love to.
:smalltongue:

My 4e Halfling Bravura Warlord uses that as his Inspiring Word (self).

"Don't believe in yourself, Believe in Me!" and other versions of that are what he uses on his allies.

He's Kamina, but shorter, and with a shirt.

Keshay
2009-11-17, 02:26 PM
I love to include pop culture references in my games, mostly lines from movies everyone loves.

So without further ado...
1) "It's conceivable, you miserable vomitus mass..."
2) "You've got the touch, you've got the power, Yeah."
3) "One shall stand and one shall fall."
4) "You know I don't speak elven. Common please."
5) "I'm not even mad! I'm impressed."
6) "When someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"
7) "Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."
8) "We don’t wanna hurt you, we just wanna kidnap you!"
9) "If I was anywhere near a lich, I'd be sneezing my brains out. You see, I'm alergic to Liiic!... I'm alergic to Liii!... I'm alergic to... ACHOOOOO"
10) "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

11) A angry guard captain looks around at the bodies of his capital city guards littering the street. As he looks up to the building the PC's are hiding out in... "Bring me everyone..." he says to a nearby city guard.
"What do you mean "everyone"?" the guard replies...
To which the captains response is to grab the guards collar and shout in his face froth flying as he screams. "EVERYONE!"


Bonus points if you name the movies!

I think I know most:

1) Princess Bride
2 and 3) Transformers (original animated)
4, 8,9) don't know
5) Anchorman
6, 7) Ghostbusters
10) Is that Stetzer from FF6(3)?
11) Leon (the Professional)

Blackfang108
2009-11-17, 02:33 PM
I think I know most:

1) Princess Bride
2 and 3) Transformers (original animated)
4, 8,9) don't know
5) Anchorman
6, 7) Ghostbusters
10) Is that Stetzer from FF6(3)?
11) Leon (the Professional)

I remember 2 as a Line from the Tenchi Universe English Theme.

Keshay
2009-11-17, 02:41 PM
I remember 2 as a Line from the Tenchi Universe English Theme.

I also recall it as the lyrics to Touch, which was used in Boogie Nights and the aforementioned Transformers movie.

Count Dravda
2009-11-17, 05:59 PM
Elder Evils has some nice sample lines with each villain at the beginning of their section. Note that these lines are way better than the horrifically under-optimized NPCs themselves (A CR 20 MELEE VILLAIN WITH +25 ATTACK AND 1D8+5 DAMAGE?!) But I digress.

"Behold the death of your world. There, cresting the horizon. Yes, that faint body is he, and he comes for me...for us all. Rejoice, for the end is near, and soon all pain, suffering, all life shall be silenced in the perfect eternity of undeath."

"I hate the gods. They took from me my love, my life, everything I am. So I shall take from them what they treasure most: life. All your little lives are so PRECIOUS to them."

Both by Caira Xasten, a pop star bardess turned ur-priest. Ah...I didn't do her justice in my campaign.

Shnezz
2009-11-18, 10:21 AM
"Did you just...?"
"Yeah."
"So then she...?"
"Yeah."
"Then you'd better...!"
"Yeah."

[Who gets the reference?]

Closak
2009-11-18, 11:06 AM
"all Things Eventually Come To An End, Anger, Hate, Love, Purity, Corruption, Life, Death. None Of These Things Last, Ultimately There Is Only The Darkness Of Oblivion. I Am That Darkness, I Am The Bringer Of The End, The Living Incarnation Of All Destruction. This Reality Shall Now Join The Darkness, Just As Countless Trillions Of Others Have Before It. And There Is Nothing You Can Do About It. Not You, Not The Gods, No One"

Said by the Elder Evil BBEG.

Krow
2009-11-18, 11:54 AM
Some fun Quotes used in my game:

Druid Initiating Wild Shape:
"D0uchebag Powers ACTIVATE!"

Paladin interrupting BBEG's "evil monologue speech":
"I'm real happy for you and I'mma let you finish..." :smallcool:

Sliver
2009-11-18, 12:17 PM
Where are those elder evils I hear so much about?

Daefos
2009-11-18, 01:30 PM
They're from a sourcebook titled, appropriately enough, Elder Evils. It's basically a collection of nine or so BBEGs, with each getting a chapter that outlines them, their goals, abilities, and gives you a basic campaign outline to work with.


As for quotes, I've always been somewhat partial to using one of Dagoth Ur's lines from Morrowind. It works best with BBEGs who are either divine or are (exempting egos) almost there.

"What a fool you are.... I'm a GOD! How can you kill a god?! What a grand and intoxicating innocence! How can you be so naive?"

And yes, that's actually how he talked. :smalltongue:

chiasaur11
2009-11-18, 01:44 PM
Well, there's always Firefly.

"Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?"
"Big Damn Heroes, sir."

"Do you know what your sin is"

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."

Of course, some characters from other things always have decent lines. Slip one of, say, Durandal from Marathon's monologues in the right place, and you should be able to get a nice feeling of a foe far smarter than you'll ever be.

d13
2009-11-18, 01:48 PM
This one happened in the last session I played:

Outline:

Me, Paladin, meatshield as every other, wielding a Large Greatsword, pretty much THIS (http://img217.imageshack.us/i/gatsu04uh8.jpg/) baddass.

BBEG gives us a royal kickass that leaves us ranging -6 hp ~ 5 hp. Your favourite paladin (¿?) stands up, and walks towards the BBEG, recieving 3 different spells on his way.
Will Save... Saved.
Fort Save... Saved.
Fort Save 2... Nat 20.

BBEG: - "Look! Everyone else is dead or dying! Why won't you die already?! What are you?! Effing IMMORTAL?!!?"

Me: - "Immortal? Nae. Leave that for Gods... Let's just say that I like being alive"

Oversized Greatsword Smite Evil Critical Hit. Kthxbai. :smallbiggrin:

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-11-18, 01:58 PM
Lo, there do I see my father. 'Lo, there do I see my mother, and my sisters, and my brothers. 'Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning. 'Lo, they do call to me. They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla where the brave may live forever.

Today is a good day to die.

Now you will receive us. We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.
We do not want your tired and sick. It is your corrupt we claim.
It is your evil that will be sought by us. With every breath we shall hunt them down. Each day, we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies. Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal, these are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost. There are varying degrees of evil, we urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over, into true corruption, into our domain. For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three. And on that day, you will reap it. And we will send you to whatever god you wish.

I like playing heroes, can you tell? ;)

chiasaur11
2009-11-18, 02:01 PM
Today is a good day to die.


Slight correction there. Today's a good day for someone else to die.

Alternate response: Well, if you insist, I can help you with that.

Swordguy
2009-11-18, 02:12 PM
"Blade with whom I have lived, blade with whom I now die, serve right and justice one last time, seek one last heart of evil, still one last life of pain, cut well old friend, and then...farewell."


Bonus points if you know where it came from.

d13
2009-11-18, 02:15 PM
The Flight of Dragons :smallbiggrin:

Sir, you have won an internet, just for using a quote from that movie.

Thufir
2009-11-18, 02:19 PM
Today's a good day for someone else to die.

I actually copied down the dwarfish for this from Feet of Clay and yelled it before the climactic battle. Sadly, I can't remember it any more.

Sleepingbear
2009-11-18, 02:49 PM
Used by my character's Dragon Cohort as a nightly 'prayer':


This is my rider.
There are many like him but this one is mine.
My rider is my best friend.
He is my life.
I must master him as I must master my life.
Without me, my rider is useless.
Without my rider, I am less useful.
I must bear my rider true.
I must fly better than my enemy, who is trying to kill me.
I must kill him before he kills me.
I will.
Before the Gods I swear this creed: my rider and myself are the defenders of my hoard,
we are the masters of our enemy,
we are the saviours of my life.
So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace.
Amen.

Swordguy
2009-11-18, 02:54 PM
Used by my character's Dragon Cohort as a nightly 'prayer':

Oh god...flashbacks to BCT... :smalleek:

Oh, and this got dropped in a game I was running a while ago - Rolemaster. Lots of "severed limb" results on the critical tables.

"Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now."


Oh, and I've wanted to hear this from an Aetheist BBEG for years now:

"Let me give you a little inside information about the gods. They like to watch. They're pranksters. Think about it. God gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do? I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look…but don't touch. Touch…but don't taste. Taste...don't swallow. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, f---in' ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a sadist! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? Never!'"

Fastmover
2009-11-18, 03:11 PM
After I give a long speech to my group of soldiers on the front walls of a castle staring down Orcs, Goblins, and Trolls, Oh My, the walls are stormed and we are hopelessly out numbered. Suddenly 5 huge boulders come down on us (1 for each of the main group members stationed around the castle), but no, they aren't boulders at all, they happen to be Rock Elementals. It swats at a few of my men just before coming to me and makes a powerful swing (nat 1 roll) DM allows me to make a move considering its roll and I basically deflect its attack sending it over the side of the wall to collide with the enemy below. I turn around to my men and their mouths are all gapeing.

"Well!? Don't just stand there. We have a wall to defend!"

Ormur
2009-11-18, 03:38 PM
"I am your father." :smallbiggrin:

drengnikrafe
2009-11-18, 03:47 PM
I feel the need to quote Mark for some reason.

Can I fly into a berserker rage? Cool, I fly into a berserker rage.
BLOOD, DEATH, AND VENGANCE!!!

Deth Muncher
2009-11-18, 04:18 PM
Used by my character's Dragon Cohort as a nightly 'prayer':

I actually JUST saw that movie for the first time in my 19 years of existence last week.

Shademan
2009-11-18, 04:27 PM
like it said in one of them rulebooks:

CHARGE, MEN! the dragon can only use his breath attack once per day! we got him now!
(roll for bluff)

Tackyhillbillu
2009-11-18, 04:36 PM
We are playing WFRP. The beginning of the campaign dumps us into a war, as a bunch of Imperial Soldiers defending a ridge. Pretty much it seems like we are all doomed.

Our captain is giving a big speech about how we will die for the honor of the Empire. If I remember it right, he stole it from the Winter Assualt Imperial Guard end speech.

At the end of it, my character Mimics the voice of a NPC standing next to him, and yells out "SCREW THAT!"

Still makes me laugh.

comicshorse
2009-11-18, 07:52 PM
From a Shadowrun game:
Mr Johnson looks at the team: ' So who is the brains of this outfit"
Uncomfortable pause, all the group look at each other
Me: " Were not really a brains sort of outfit "


Extra points if you can identify the movie that quote is stolen from

streakster
2009-11-18, 07:59 PM
Nobilis, some random bad guy commander:

"Sir, we're under attack by Mercy, Piracy, Sadism, and Licorice!"

"...All hands! Focus fire on Licorice!"

Green Bean
2009-11-18, 08:14 PM
Nobilis, some random bad guy commander:

"Sir, we're under attack by Mercy, Piracy, Sadism, and Licorice!"

"...All hands! Focus fire on Licorice!"


Sam: "I don't mean to get snippy, but I'm pretty sure that's not a pigeon."
Sam: "Pigeons are small birds that live in cities. That's a hole in the fabric of reality. I can tell the difference."


Nobilis has got some fun quotes. This one's an admittedly out of context number from an online game I'm following.

JaykoMekthal
2009-11-27, 03:37 PM
PCs: "We burn down the village."
DM (me): "*sigh* How?"
PCs: "We have the bag of holding full of ale, we just empty it out and light it on fire."
DM: "Ugh... Fine."
PCs: "Cool, and we got everyone out, so none of us die."
The Cleric: "Wait... did we forget the Paladin?"
*Paladin comes rushing out of a burning building, only mostly-dead*
Paladin (DMPC): "What HAPPENED here?"
Cleric: "Strangest thing... you see.... uhh... the whole inn suddenly caught fire. We all made it out though, perfectly safe." *Rolls a natural 20 bluff*
Paladin: "... Well, I'm glad we're all still here."

I really enjoyed that moment. Probably more than I should have.

I WAS THE CLERIC I WAS THE CLERIC HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

Yukitsu
2009-11-27, 04:11 PM
Recent campaign session had lots of great lines, as we were playing stereotypical mafia types.

DM: So your party names are Tony, Marcoh, Johny, Danny, Vinny and Muhammed.
Me: Alright, which of you is breaking theme here?

Me: OK, so the boss is either Tony or Marcoh.
Other player: Why those ones?
Me: Because those are mafia boss names. We can't have an Italian mob led by a Muhammed, or a Danny.

"Hey Don, you want I should wack a guy?"
"Make it so."

"Vinny, what'd I tellya about thinkin'?"
"I dunno Tony. Don't?"

"Send em' a message Tony. And make it poetic."
"One Dante Alighieri comin' up Don." *Blows out all the windows with a Tommy gun*
"That's music to my ears."

"Tony, you idiot, you cartin' 4 shotguns? What the hell you gonna do with 4 shotguns?"
"Whatdya think I'm gonna do with the shotguns Vinny? Play a ****ing 4 string quartet?"

"Damn it Vinny, lay your fat ass off the ****ing alfredo."

"Danny, where'd you get that grenade?"
"I dunno Vinny. Came with the gun."
"Where'd you get the gun."
"Who can say?" *Fires another experimental grenade down the corridor.*

DM: OK, all around I'd say that was a very succesful test run. Next time I run your through it, we'll have more levels for you guys.
Me: And less Italians.
Other player: You mean 1 more Italian.

soulchicken
2009-11-27, 04:38 PM
Clint Westwood: Hey, Slow, let me borrow 5 large ones!
Slow(Me): All I have is 4 bucks and a slice of pizza.
Clint: Hah, I'll get you a lapdance with that slice of pizza.

(He takes the slice of pizza and holds it out to a troll stripper, who looks amused and starts to come over to the bar where we were at.)

Slow: What? (Pushes the stripper down) **** you b****! That's MY pizza!




Kitty (another PC): Hey you got insurance right?
Clint: I'm a ****ing Shadow Runner b****!!

Closak
2009-11-27, 06:03 PM
Great Wyrm Red Dragon with class levels on top: Your body is mine, your mind is mine, your soul is mine, your very essence will soon belong to me, you shall serve me for the rest of eternity whether you like it or not.

She then casts an epic version of Mind Rape.


Yeah, that dragon caused a lot of trouble...

Vitruviansquid
2009-11-27, 07:13 PM
DM: You notice that the ceiling is shaking violently. Okay, Squid, your character looks up and sees that a large beam is about to fall on you, and you're like "oh crap, the ceiling's falling down!"

Me: You mean I say "...Son of a b-."

John Campbell
2009-11-28, 02:12 AM
Leader of an elven patrol that's come across us in their woods at night: "The dwarf--"

My dwarven runesmith, interrupting: "The next pointy-eared prettyboy that trots out that line about the volume of my breathing is going to find out that my darkvision is so good that I can lightning bolt you in the dark. Any takers? ... Anyone? ... Didn't think so."

Clovis
2009-11-28, 06:30 AM
I'm surprised no'one's mentioned the Monty Python Must in every RPG:
'Run away, run awaaay!'

Kris Strife
2009-11-28, 12:46 PM
I'm surprised no'one's mentioned the Monty Python Must in every RPG:
'Run away, run awaaay!'

My suggestion in these situations is 'Lets run, screaming like face-cake'.

Tyrmatt
2009-11-28, 01:43 PM
My personal favourite comes from an episode of Justice League, particularly useful for characters who have no arcane or divine power source, relying on pure grit and muscle to win the day. And of course, Batman is the man to utter it.

Enemy talking to PC: You aren't like the others. You don't have any powers or abilities? How useful can you really be amongst these gods?
PC: Oh I have one power: I never give up.

Another Bats favourite for interrogation.
Enemy: (In Native Language) <You'll never get the truth out of me, you don't know what I'm saying!!>
PC: Would the rest of you leave the room please?
*Other PCs shuffle out nervously*
Enemy: <You think I'm going to tell you where he's hiding?>
PC: <Yes, I do.>
DM: The party hears a single horrific scream....

For maximum effect, walk out of the room, shut the door gently and have the wizard immediately teleport you to the newly discovered location. It's highly unlikely the party will disagree with you. Probably ever again :p

Moriato
2009-11-28, 02:31 PM
I am the Dark Underlord, the Prince of Doom, the King of Eternal Torment! I am Pain! I am Evil! They call me... Peaches!

Wonder if anyone knows that one? :smallwink:

Volkov
2009-11-28, 11:49 PM
"And as you cast the dragon into the fiery pit, the princess you had come to rescue was in reality the Dragon's lich lieutenant in disguise, who knocks you down and casts an spell onto the Colossal Red dragon, and a great rumbling fills the air, before the dragon emerges once more, nearly a hundred times larger than before, and with an look of white hot fury in it's eyes."

Kris Strife
2009-11-28, 11:55 PM
"And as you cast the dragon into the fiery pit, the princess you had come to rescue was in reality the Dragon's lich lieutenant in disguise, who knocks you down and casts an spell onto the Colossal Red dragon, and a great rumbling fills the air, before the dragon emerges once more, nearly a hundred times larger than before, and with an look of white hot fury in it's eyes."

This is not a quote to use in a game. This is a reason to lynch the DM.