Awkward pause in a retail store today:

[AstralFire]

I'm sorting stuff, and about 30 feet away, I hear this exchange between a mother in... I'd guess late-20s, early-30s, and her son - maybe 7 or 8.

Son: Mommy, mommy, look! (Not sure what he was showing; I was focused on the display I was working on.)
Mother: Not now.
Son: But mommy-
Mother: -sigh- Christmas makes mommy want to kill herself. You don't want mommy to kill herself, do you? Leave you with no mommy or daddy?
Son: ...N-no. -awkward pause-
Mother: Then stop talking about it.

What the hell man?

[Partof1]

:smalleek:
Humanity never ceases to scare me.

[Pyrian]

Well... It did work. :smallbiggrin: Scarred the kid for life, maybe, but still an impressive feat of ruthlessness.

[Mystic Muse]

*dead silence followed by a facepalm and headdesk*

[HotAndCold]

Well, that's. A shining example of good parenting.:smalleek:

[xPANCAKEx]

i approve of this

and im not even being sarcastic about it

[centuriancode]

I've seen other ways to give psychologists employment, but none that work quite so well.

[FinalJustice]

In my raking of 'things I keep losing and finding again', 'faith in mankind' is in 2nd these days, and it's clearly getting close of grabbing first position.
(Just lost it again, btw)

[Quincunx]

Isn't it beautiful? The threat of suicide is so heavy that you cannot, in compassionate conscience, tell her she's wrong to say that. It's like an instant win button for human relationships!

[Nevrmore]

Hmm...I've never thought of threatening yourself instead of your child. It's not reverse psychology, more of...inverse psychology.

I like it.

[Escef]

What about the parents that threaten their three year olds, saying "I'm going to leave you here." That's awesome, threaten your child with abandonment. You are that child's only means of survival. Children may not know this on a conscious level, but they do know it. It's terrifying for most of them.

Mind you, I had a couple of uncles try a similar stunt on me. It was at my family's home. My uncles Bob and Franny were babysitting me, I was around four years of age. I asked what they were doing there, said I didn't need them around. So they left. I didn't know it, but they were just standing in the stairway leading to the door; I figured "Wow, they left? That was easy." They figured I'd be in a panic when they came back in about 20 minutes later. Instead, I was puzzled, "What are you guys doing here? I thought you left." They were stunned.

[truemane]

Well, there may be some context there that you aren't aware of. It's possible that she says that all the time, at which point it just becomes part of the background banter and kids tend to ignore that stuff as a matter of course.

If you tell a kid to knock it off or you'll kill them, once you don't kill them, they ignore it. And saying it in public could raise eyebrows, but it doesn't (necessarily) mean anything. My wife, for example, always says "Knock that off or I'll sell you to the Gypsies." Clearly that's an empty threat, as no self-respecting Gypsy would actually PAY for one of my kids, but that's her base-line threat.

Or it could even be a joke of some sort that you're not getting.

Or maybe she's a crazy person and that guy's the next big serial killer. In which case memorize his face and move in next door to him as soon as you can. Because they never kill the neighbour. The nbeighbour has to live so they can tell the news how quiet and polite they always were...

[Gullara]

Well, there may be some context there that you aren't aware of. It's possible that she says that all the time, at which point it just becomes part of the background banter and kids tend to ignore that stuff as a matter of course.

If you tell a kid to knock it off or you'll kill them, once you don't kill them, they ignore it. And saying it in public could raise eyebrows, but it doesn't (necessarily) mean anything. My wife, for example, always says "Knock that off or I'll sell you to the Gypsies." Clearly that's an empty threat, as no self-respecting Gypsy would actually PAY for one of my kids, but that's her base-line threat.

Or it could even be a joke of some sort that you're not getting.

Or maybe she's a crazy person and that guy's the next big serial killer. In which case memorize his face and move in next door to him as soon as you can. Because they never kill the neighbour. The nbeighbour has to live so they can tell the news how quiet and polite they always were...

I'm gunna have to go with the last explanation. Anybody know where they live so I can move next door asap? :smallamused:

[golentan]

I'm gunna have to go with the last explanation. Anybody know where they live so I can move next door asap? :smallamused:

Back off, there are only 2 houses next door, and I intend to get one of them.

This is like one person I know, dialed up to eleven. Though she always tells her kid "Mommy will have a nervous breakdown, and then you'll have to cook your own dinner."

[Cobra_Ikari]

Hmm...I've never thought of threatening yourself instead of your child. It's not reverse psychology, more of...inverse psychology.

I like it.

My father refers to it as "emotional blackmail". He thought it was what I was doing when I expressed to him that I was feeling suicidal, and it caused some really harsh things to be said.

Don't try to outmaneuver/manipulate your kids, people. >.<

[smellie_hippie]

That? Yeah... that right there? That is not even remotely good parenting. :smallannoyed:

Don't do this. Don't approve of this. Don't..... just don't.

[Ichneumon]

I don't think you should say things you don't mean. (There are some exceptions in which it acceptable, such as with serious ethical dilemma's but this is not one of them)

I don't think you should make your child "immune" for words/concepts like "murder" and "suicide" by threattening to kill yourself or others when he talks to much.

I don't think you should kill yourself to "punish" your child for anything as trivial as talking when you don't want to hear it.

I dom't think killing yourself as a punishment is a bad idea, even for non-trivial reasons.

[DraPrime]

This is one of the most bizarre threats of punishment that I have ever seen.

[Comet]

Things might get a bit awkward when the kid grows up and begins to use his mother's tactics to have his way in life.

[Bayar]

What about the parents that threaten their three year olds, saying "I'm going to leave you here." That's awesome, threaten your child with abandonment. You are that child's only means of survival. Children may not know this on a conscious level, but they do know it. It's terrifying for most of them.

My late grandfather used to do this to me when I was about 4 or 5. It was awesome. I knew he wouldnt leave me alone and that he was just messing with me, but it still made me sort of want to cry.

Note that this was not because of toys or candy or anything. he would buy that. it was because I didnt want to walk back home from the park, because it was far away and he didnt brought me with the car :biggrin:

[drengnikrafe]

This story almost makes me want to cry. Really. Parents are supposed to slowly introduce reality to their children, not use the possibility of death as a punishment.

[Dragonrider]

My dad used to threaten to disembowel me with a spoon....

....but it was a "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" reference, I was ten, and I thought it was hilarious. :smallamused:

[Supagoof]

That? Yeah... that right there? That is not even remotely good parenting. :smallannoyed:

Don't do this. Don't approve of this. Don't..... just don't.
I'm going to go with the family therapist on this one. I'm certain Hippie has seen a fair share of this in his work, and we can all help in making his job a bit easier by not approving or encouraging acts like this.

[blackfox]

My father refers to it as "emotional blackmail". He thought it was what I was doing when I expressed to him that I was feeling suicidal, and it caused some really harsh things to be said.

Don't try to outmaneuver/manipulate your kids, people. >.<Queue eff tee. My dad liked to pretend that I was trying to wrangle stuff out of him/or just didn't realize what was up, instead of acknowledging that there was an actual problem. He saw my (any?) emotional response to things as irrational. I saw it as an overreaction. I think we both knew something had to be done about it, but he preferred to act as though I was four. Fortunately for everyone, no one got hurt. Violence & life & death is serious stuff. Please don't manipulate your kids. Please don't neglect to not manipulate your kids by being insensitive.


My dad used to threaten to disembowel me with a spoon....

....but it was a "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" reference, I was ten, and I thought it was hilarious. :smallamused:WIN :smallbiggrin:


What about the parents that threaten their three year olds, saying "I'm going to leave you here."This one never worked with me. When I was that age I would much rather not have any rules.

[Douglas]

I dom't think killing yourself as a punishment is a bad idea, even for non-trivial reasons.
You think killing yourself as a punishment is a good idea?

You might want to recheck the phrasing of that sentence.

[RandomNPC]

these kinds of people make me want to pull the line from serenity "Do you you know what your sin is?"

I haven't gotten to use it yet, i never seem to be there when things happen. Plus also i'd have to think of something to follow. In this persons case i'd go with a list of them.

[Gamerlord]

Maybe I'm just a morbid little demon, but kid has to grow up somehow.
Threats of physical violence and selling me to the zoo did the trick for me.

[Shas aia Toriia]

Well yeah, but selling you to the zoo isn't meaning you are responsible for killing somebody.
Besides, that poor kid will probably hate Christmas for the rest of his life.

[quicker_comment]

Honestly, this is way, way worse than joking threats of physical violence. Assuming the parents don't actually hurt their kid physically (which would of course be even more horrible), the child will probably understand that their parent isn't actually going to hurt them, because they've never seen their parent act like that.

Threatening to sell your child to the zoo is a comical threat. As the child grows older, it will begin to understand that this threat is in fact just a dark joke. Parents don't actually sell their children to zoos. Sadly, some parents do commit suicide.

Evaluating another person's internal mental stability isn't easy, even for an adult. If the child has encountered the idea of suicide at all, they'll likely have heard that when it happens, it's usually not something people are expecting. Threatening your kid with suicide may give your kid the idea that you are potentially suicidal, and then this will be something they go around worrying about. That's not really something a child should have to deal with.

[Gamerlord]

I know, but my parents threatened to sell me to the zoo when I was little, and I REALLY took it seriously, then I grew up, and started pretending to call a mental asylum whenever one of my parents does something stupid.

[Inhuman Bot]

Maybe I'm just a morbid little demon, but kid has to grow up somehow.
selling me to the zoo did the trick for me.

I guess that's funny in retrospect...?


Maybe I'm just a morbid little demon, but kid has to grow up somehow.
Threats of physical violence did the trick for me.

Oh....

[Gamerlord]

Threating! Threating! Not Really Doing It!

[Winter_Wolf]

Wow I can't believe I'm going to say this, but maybe that mommy was/is actually severely depressed by the holidays. Fact is, not a one of us knows what their situation is. Now stick with me on this, because I have to make some assumptions since I can't infer context or tone by written word over internet.

Having personally experienced the death of close family members during the holiday season (yes folks, multiple family members), I can tell you that it sticks, whether you want it to or not. For all any of us know, her husband/father of that child died during the holidays and she hasn't gotten over it. Funny thing about depression, it can cause you to say some things to others that in retrospect you wish you hadn't, but it's still out there. It's all great to go on about scarring a child for life, or bad parenting, but parents are people too, they have ups and downs and stress and make mistakes.

So I say, I feel bad for that woman and will give her the benefit of the doubt until such time as it's proven she was just being cruel to her child for the sake of getting it to shut up.

[mikeejimbo]

It's perfectly possible, as was said above, that she actually is depressed and/or suicidal.

[Dragonrider]

Yeah, but the way the mum phrased it, she's placing part of the blame for her feeling on her kid.

[Perenelle]

... :smalleek:
I approve of threatening your kids to a certain extent. I dont think its right to threaten someone by saying you're going to kill yourself of kill someone else. Its just... wrong. and downright scary for the kid.
Now if I ever have kids I might teasingly say I'm going to send them to a zoo or a circus, but nothing serious like suicide.

[AstralFire]

The woman said it and then resumed a conversation on the phone somewhat jovially, while the boy just went dead quiet.

I'm personally inclined to just think she was being wretched. One way or the other, it was a terrible thing to overhear.

[Myatar_Panwar]

Maybe I'm just overly sensetive, but if I would have ever heard anything remotely similar to that as a child I would be freaking out.

Yet somehow I think two things could have happened: 1. She is treating her son younger than he actually is (mentally), assuming that he wouldn't fully understand the severity of suicide.
2. She is treating her son older than he is, assuming that he could take humor (or just a hint) from the comment.

[Winter_Wolf]

The woman said it and then resumed a conversation on the phone somewhat jovially, while the boy just went dead quiet.

*snip*

Well now see, that's different. Kind of pertinent to the story innit? So yeah, something is wrong with that woman, 'cause you don't say things like that out of hand to your kids, then go about your day like it never happened.

[Xykon_Fan]

Well, there may be some context there that you aren't aware of. It's possible that she says that all the time, at which point it just becomes part of the background banter and kids tend to ignore that stuff as a matter of course.

If you tell a kid to knock it off or you'll kill them, once you don't kill them, they ignore it. And saying it in public could raise eyebrows, but it doesn't (necessarily) mean anything. My wife, for example, always says "Knock that off or I'll sell you to the Gypsies." Clearly that's an empty threat, as no self-respecting Gypsy would actually PAY for one of my kids, but that's her base-line threat.

Or it could even be a joke of some sort that you're not getting.

Or maybe she's a crazy person and that guy's the next big serial killer. In which case memorize his face and move in next door to him as soon as you can. Because they never kill the neighbour. The nbeighbour has to live so they can tell the news how quiet and polite they always were...

While I don't agree with all of the content of this post, you have won my esteem for this. It's brightened my day.

...

Gonna have to use that gypsy line once I have kids old enough to understand it's a joke.